Live chat tonight: Anthems of the '80s

SET YOUR ALARM: Don't forget the live Stuck in the 8s chat tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern time!

TONIGHT'S CHAT TOPIC: Anthems of the 80s. Bring some good suggestions, because I'll use our choices for a future podcast. (Personal fave remains Queen's "Radio Ga Ga") Of course, we're free to chat about anything you want. Except for how I spent my Sunday morning (watching "Mannequin" on cable in my Lucky Vegas boxer shorts -- I have no shame).

PODCAST: We can also chat tonight about this week's podcast -- Top TV theme songs of the 80s -- which went online Saturday. I'll be releasing the full ranking on Monday or Tuesday. Plenty of time left for you to lobby me to get your picks in there. (What will be No. 11 on the list? Magnum or Night Court?)

GET-TOGETHER UPDATE: Don't forget the Aug. 2 Regeneration Tour stop in Las Vegas and the July 30 Journey/Cheap Trick/Heart show in Tampa. E-mail me and ask me for details on either gathering.

See you at 9 tonight. It'll be a great way to end the holiday.

Retro-review: "This is my moment"

 

SPECIAL MOTHER'S DAY RETRO-REVIEW: 1983's "Terms of Endearment," starring Debra Winger, Shirley MacLaine and Jack Nicholson. Written and directed by James L. Brook (from the novel by Larry McMurtry).

THE PLOT: Emma (Winger) is the rebellious daughter to Aurora (MacLaine), a stuffy, emotionally distant mother who disapproves of her daughter's husband (the always great Jeff Daniels) and life. It takes Emma's illness -- and an affair with her neighbor (Nicholson) -- for her motherly instincts to finally kick in.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: A sequel -- "The Evening Star" -- was released in 1996, with MacLaine and Nicholson returning to play their roles from "Endearment." The movie was a dud both with critics and the box office.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: The supporting cast was simply amazing -- even the bit parts played by Danny DeVito and John Lithgow. But Nicholson stole the show as the raunchy, retired astronaut "Garrett Breedlove," a character that didn't even exist in the novel. But believe it or not, he wasn't the first pick for the role. Burt Reynolds, James Garner and Harrison Ford all were in line in front of Nicholson, who won an Oscar for his work.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "This is a wonderful film. There isn't a thing that I would change, and I was exhilarated by the freedom it gives itself to move from the high comedy of Nicholson's best moments to the acting of Debra Winger in the closing scenes." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times.

WHY WE STILL LOVE IT TODAY: You could drop this movie into any decade, and it would still make you sob like a baby before the final credits role. That's the magic of director James L. Brooks. But don't discount the chemistry of a handful of actors -- Winger, Lithgow, DeVito and Daniels -- who at that moment in time were just discovering how great they could be.

TOP 5 "MOM" QUOTES FROM TERMS OF ENDEARMENT:

5. "OK, you're allowed to say one mean thing to me a year. That'll do until you're 10."

4. "Grown women are prepared for life's little emergencies."

3. "My daughter is in pain. I don't understand why she has to have this pain."

2. "Impatient boys sometimes miss dessert!"

1. "This is my moment."

Drop the weapon and play 'It's Only Love'!

Tina Turner is ready to make her comeback (again) and is plotting her first tour in nearly a decade.

According to the Reuters news service, the 68-year-old Turner decided to give it another go  after friend and film legend Sophia Loren told her it was "time to hit the road again."

( I would have guessed that seeing Syesha Mercardo doing a Halloween-esque version of "Proud Mary" on "American Idol" would have been reason enough to return. Please, wash that performance from our minds.)

The tour begins Oct. 1 in Kansas City and continues through Dec. 8 in Montreal. Only two Florida dates are currently listed: Nov. 2 in Fort Lauderdale and Nov. 5 in Orlando. Click here to see the full list.

Tina owned the 80s, recording 25 songs that hit the charts either in the U.S. or abroad. Still, my personal favorite Tina moment? No, not a song. Her role as "Aunty Entity" in 1985's "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome."

"You know the law: Two men enter, one man leaves."

'Square Pegs' finally wins popularity contest

It took 25 years, but die-hard fans of "Square Pegs" finally get their wish: The complete series will soon be available on DVD.

A very young (and far cuter) Sarah Jessica Parker starred in the TV series, which lasted only the 1982-83 season. The May 20 release date of the DVD set coincides with the debut of Parker's "Sex in the City" movie.

According to a review by the Washington Post, the three-disc set sadly lacks an audio commentary and deleted scenes. But a short documentary -- "Weemawee Yearbook Memories" -- reunites most of the major players (including Amy Linker, Jami Gertz and Tracy Nelson), who talk at length about the experience of making the show.

Tribute is also paid to actor Merritt Butrick, who played "Johnny Slash." Butrick, also known to "Star Trek" fans as "Dr. David Marcus" (and to "Zapped" fans as "Gary"), died of AIDS in 1989.

Among the highlights of the 20-show set are guest appearances by Bill Murray, Devo, Martin Mull, John Desmore and Tony Dow.

Do we owe you a bag of Funyuns?

Thanks to uber-friend and fan Brad, we now have 11 (instead of 12, thanks Sean) mini bags of Funyuns already autographed and sitting in little boxes ready to ship out.

The question is: Do we owe you a bag? If so, shoot me an e-mail!

Meanwhile, Brad has used his superior technology skills to craft a Funyun theme song of sorts. Think "Art of Noise" mated with "Max Headroom." Click here to listen.

Also, don't forget about our new weekly Sunday Night Chat. The fun begins about 9 p.m. right here on the blog. Just in time for you to finish up Mother's Day activities and pour yourself a much-needed beverage.

'There's a lot more to love than hot-wiring'

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1987's "Cherry 2000," a sci-fi action flick starring a young Melanie Griffith and David Andrews ("A Nightmare on Elm Street," "Apollo 13" and "Fight Club"). Directed by Steve De Jarnatt ("Miracle Mile") and written by Michael Almereyda ("Twister").

THE PLOT: in the year 2017, A yuppie (Andrews) breaks his sex robot and must hire a tracker (Griffith) to help him navigate a Mad Max futuristic wasteland in search of a replacement robot -- the elusive "Cherry 2000." (Not to be confused with 1983's "Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone," with Molly Ringwald as the tracker.)

THE MUSIC: The original score was written by Basil Poledouris ("Conan the Barbarian," "Hunt for Red October"). Rumor has it that only 1,500 copies were made of the soundtrack, driving up the price for a single copy to $2,500 on eBay.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: The movie features bit cameos by Laurence Fishburne and western-movie legend Ben Johnson.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: Clad in pastel shirts and checkered pants, the villainous tribe in "Zone 7" -- led by B-movie god Tim Thomerson ("Trancers," "Iron Eagle") -- dances the Hokey Pokey in celebration after executing trespassers.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "Low production values can't dampen the quirky humor and interesting premise of this enjoyable B movie, which re-imagines 'Blade Runner' as a Roger Corman Western."
-- Allmovie.com

WHY WE LOVE IT: Melanie Griffith looks better in this movie than other any of her career. Yeah, including "Body Double" and "Working Girl." And despite the fact that there's almost no nudity -- in a movie called "Cherry 2000"?!? -- it's still sexy B-movie fun.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM CHERRY 2000:

5. "You can just go s--t in your hat."

4. "You get one of these fired up, it's like slamming an octopus."

3. "There's a lot more to love than hot-wiring."

2, "Romance? We are talking about with a robot, right?"

1. "They got that damn plane working ... go get the macaroni and cheese!"

Willie and Scott ... friends forever

We recorded our epic "Top 10 TV Theme Songs of the 80s" podcast today, and now I'm stuck singing "Charles in Charge" at my desk over and over and over again. (And if click this link, now it's in your head too.)

Where did the song fall on the list? You'll have to wait for the weekend to hear the show and discover. However, I will reveal that, during an uncomfortable moment of silence in the show, I  confessed my never-dying admiration for the Scott Baio/Willie Aames dynasty of acting.

Which makes you wonder: How much longer must we wait for our podcast tribute to 1982's "Zapped?" Click here to see the never-released trailer for the movie.

Mrs. Garrett still teaches "Facts of Life"

Actress Charlotte Rae -- aka "Mrs. Garrett" on "The Facts of Life" -- has a cameo appearance in Adam Sandler's upcoming movie, "You Don't Mess with the Zohan."

We all know Sandler loves the 80s and squeezes as much classic music into each of movies as possible. But if don't want to spoil the surprise of Mrs. Garrett's role -- or if you just prefer not to toss your breakfast -- please, read no further ...

Last warning ...

"We make love together," the 82-year-old Rae told AP Television this week. "On a table from one to 10, I rate him, 'Not bad.' "

"Zohan" is set for release on June 6. In it, the AP says, Sandler plays an horn-doggin' Israeli commando who goes undercover as a hair stylist. No word yet on if he's capable of doing the trend-setting "Blair" look.

[AP photo]

Police will call it quits in NYC

The Police are going to wrap things up pretty much in the same place they started: New York City.

The band announced this week that they'll play their "last ever" show this summer in New York --  though the exact date and venue haven't been decided yet.

"We kicked off our very first American tour at CBGB's in 1978 and this summer, 30 years later, our journey will come full circle as we play our final show here in New York City," the band said on their official website.

The Police also pledged to donate $1-million to the city to plant 10,000 trees and said the final concert's proceeds will go to fund public television in New York.

The band is still traveling around North American on its reunion tour, which isn't set to end until early August. The Police have two shows coming up in Florida -- May 16 in Orlando and May 17 in West Palm Beach.

[AP photo]

"... Someone still loves you"

It was one of the most sublime moments in '80s music: A sold-out Wembley Stadium falling in love again with Queen during the band's 1985 Live Aid Performance. The highlight of their short set -- "Radio Ga-Ga" -- the one time all afternoon when everything came together, if only for four minutes.

Whenever possible, I recommend starting your workday by playing the song. Nothing bad can happen when you start the day with an upbeat Queen song. (Better than picking "Who Wants to Live Forever" or "I Want To Break Free.")

But is "Radio Ga-Ga" just a happy phenomenon, or was it one of the truly great "anthems" of the '80s? I'm thinking of making our Sunday night chats on the blog a regular event -- what does everyone think? Maybe 8 or 9 p.m.? We'd have a topic to get us started -- I was thinking "name your favorite anthems" might be a good start. You know my feeling already ...

"You had your time, you had the power. You've yet to have your finest hour."

Tickets on sale for Tampa get-together

For those unable to attend the Stuck in the 80s get-together in Las Vegas, there's still the Journey/Heart/Cheap Trick show on July 30 in Tampa at the Ford Amphitheatre.

And we just got word on ticket sales. They go on sale Saturday, May 10 (the same day as the Vegas tickets) and range from $25 for a lawn seat all the way up to $125 for reserved seats close to the stage. (There's also a group deal: 4 lawn tickets for $75.) Go to livenation.com for more information.

Co-host Sean Daly says he'll show up at the Tampa show and promises not to ruin everybody's night by drinking too many Red Bulls. I'll be at the show, of course, even though I leave the next day for Vegas.

Meanwhile, I'm working with the newspaper and the bands' PR people on other opportunities for us. Hopefully we'll snag a meet-and-greet with the bands. Drop a comment on the blog if you think you're up for the show!

Best TV theme songs? Believe it

Feel free to blast the fashion, hairstyles and music of our beloved 80s -- so long as you do it on another blog -- but there's one legacy of the decade that cannot be diminished:

It was the last decade of truly great TV theme songs.

From the simplicity of "The Cosby Show" to the bombastic orchestrations of "Dallas" and "Dynasty," TV in the 80s had it covered. (The one song that makes me song along every time? "Believe It or Not" from "Greatest American Hero.")

This week's Stuck in the 80s podcast will finally unveil our list of the Top 10 TV Themes of the 1980s. Think you know which one will emerge on top? You never know. I like to keep things interesting.

In the meantime, this is your last chance to nominate your favorite -- and least favorite -- TV themes. Write something clever with your nomination and we'll read the best comments during the show.

Fire away with your picks!

Ready to get Regenerated?

This summer's most impressive 80s music fest -- the Regeneration Tour -- is starting to ramp up its publicity machine. Now there's an official website to keep fans up to date on tour news.

Only 16 dates have been announced for this tour, which includes The Human League, Belinda Carlisle, ABC, Dead or Alive, A Flock of Seagulls and Naked Eyes.

Keep your eye on the Aug. 2 date for Las Vegas, because a group of Stuck in the 80s fans are planning to attend (yeah, myself included.) Tickets go on sale Saturday, May 10. E-mail me at stuckinthe80s@tampabay.com if you want more information on what we've got planned for that weekend.

Night Ranger: Hole in the Sun

It's been more than 20 years since they first proved -- nearly scientifically -- that you could still rock in America. And with their new album "Hole in the Sun," Night Ranger is intent on showing their original theorem hasn't faded with time.

Know this up front: The 12-cut CD is heavy with head-banging, fist-thrusting explosions. If you're looking for the softer side of the band that cranked out 80s classics like "Four in the Morning" or "Sister Christian," you're better off grabbing a "best-of collection." For the most part, the band seems to have put its pop-rock sound on the shelf this go around.

"It's new Night Ranger, but in a lot of ways it's classic Night Ranger," singing/bassist Jack Blades says in the official release announcement.

Credit guitarist Brad Gillis with flexing his sizable guns on the work here. "Brad brought in a lot of great ideas, some more modern-sounding things," explains drummer Kelly Keagy. "We wanted a lot of songs like 'Drama Queen' -- great, gritty songs that establish our roots in hard rock."

Here are the highlights:

TOP HEAVY: Like a lot of CDs I've heard lately, the best tunes are right up front. "Tell Your Vision" and "Whatever Happened" make for a fast start.

SOUNDS FAMILIAR: "There is Life" is the closest thing to a "Sister Christian" sequel. I got chills from the opening notes on the piano and found it easy to connect with the lyrics:  "It's never all for nothing. If we have hope, then we gotta try." There's something to be said for a message you can understand.

OLD, OLD SCHOOL: "Revolution 4AM" has almost a '70s southern rock anthem feel to it. You half-expect to evolve into "Free Bird." It's the last thing you'd expect from a San Francisco band, but it works.

NOD TO THE CLASSICS: The review copy of "Hole in the Sun" includes two surprise bonus tracks -- acoustic versions of "Don't Tell Me You Love Me" and "Sister Christian." It's a nice way to mellow out after the guitar fiesta of the first dozen songs. And "Christian" on a simple acoustic guitar is a simple and satisfying pleasure. It's clear that Jack, Kelly and Brad still enjoy playing their signature tune.

BUY OR NO BUY?: Hard-core Night Ranger fans will love the album; the import version from Japan sold well since its 2007 release. Casual fans looking for the next VH1-friendly hit won't find much here outside of "There Is Life" and the two classics redone acoustically. One you figure out which group you fit into, the answer is obvious.

[Photo by Scott Harrison]

Famous 'dos of the 80s

Sadly, given our advancing ages, most of us are well beyond having to worry about frosted highlights, extra-strength hairgel and other hirsute adventures.

But that doesn't mean we can't drag our hairy heroes through the mud again. I mean, come on, Limahl. Are there fishing lines holding those hairstrands up?

Today's challenge: Name were the best celebrity/musician hairdos of the 80s.

I'm just jealous, because I was born with Pete Rose hair -- completely straight, fly-away hair that refuses to conform to any modern style. Unless I use tons of gel, but then I look like Crispin Glover.

Feel free to consider actors, celebrities and musicians for the list. Here are some obvious inclusions:

MIKE SCORE (A Flock of Seagulls): Perhaps the poster man-child for interesting hair. Sadly, he's bald now. (And he says he hates playing "I Ran" -- go figure.)

HOWARD JONES: His hair is sorta halfway between Mike Score's and that MTV Veejay Alan Hunter. Sadly, these days he looks more like Christopher Lloyd in "Back to the Future."

THE B-52s: Just Kate and Cindy. Fred looks just fine.

AIMEE MANN ('Til Tuesday): Once sported the infamous "rat tail," which really should be the official hair accessory of the '80s.

ANNABELLA LWIN (Bow Wow Wow): She went mohawk -- and au natural -- for an album cover. One problem. She wasn't 18 yet.

Add your nominations to the list. We'll unveil the final ranking on a later date. In the meantime, go visit a stylist and ask for the featured look. Time to bring back a classic!

We cried more, more, more...

Don't make that face, William. We're just glad to see you!

Billy Idol is back -- at least with a compilation CD/DVD.

"The Very Best Of Billy Idol: Idolize Yourself" is set for release June 24 and will include two new songs "John Wayne" and "New Future Weapon."

Longtime partner and guitarist Steve Stevens and songwriting collaborator Brian Tichy are back on board for "Idolize Yourself" as well, which is good news for Billy's fans from the 80s.

The combination CD/DVD also has 18 other tracks from his career. The DVD adds 13 music videos, including two alternate video edits previously unreleased.

TOP 5 MOST UNDER-RATED BILLY IDOL SONGS:

5. BABY TALK: "Don't stop, the blood rock"

4. (DO NOT) STAND IN THE SHADOWS: "We'll cut our cards, drive out bars. All for one, one for all"

3. THE DEAD NEXT DOOR: "One error, silent terror. And we're the dead next door."

2. BLUE HIGHWAY: "Yes there's a time ... a time for love."

1. UNTOUCHABLES: "We laughed and cried, split our sides."

[AP photo]

Podcast: Bon Jovi fans are nutballs

The latest Stuck in the 80s podcast is online. This week's topic: Why Times music critic Sean Daly and I are the most hated men in America after our honest but less-than-glowing review of the recent Bon Jovi show here in Tampa.

The hate mail continues to pour in. A Brinks armored truck just pulled up with some odd packages addressed to "Scumbag at Stuck in 80s," and once the bomb-sniffing dogs are done with them, I'll see what fate awaits me. Likewise, Sean's voice mail is filled with obscene (but funny) insults regarding his concert review -- and his distinctive Butch Patrick hairline.

Just to be clear: We liked the concert. It was fun. That's good enough, right? Surely it wasn't as epic as the Van Halen show a few months ago. So all you Jersey meatheads, relax! You're boy is always welcome here on the Stuck in the 80s blog. In fact, with Richie Sambora starring in next season's "Rock of Love," I dare say you'll get your share of press in the coming months.

Click here to listen to the show with all its glorious hate mail. Or click here to get all our shows delivered for free via iTunes.

[AP photo]

The Dice Man returneth

He may have an overall lower popularity rate than George W., but give Andrew Dice Clay credit: The chain-smoking comic has rabidly loyal fans and still can sell out clubs and theaters whenever he tours.

That's probably why we're about to get another dose of the Diceman this summer. Clay is playing the Tampa Theatre on June 27 as part of Ruth Eckerd Hall's "On The Road" series of events. Tickets go on sale noon, May 9.

Clay sold out Tampa's Side Splitters Comedy Club last July -- even though tickets started at $100. This time around, with the venue a little larger, a seat costs $49.50.

Stuck in the 80s interviewed Clay last time around, and we let him say whatever came to mind -- resulting in a podcast that carries an "adult-language" warning. Click here to listen to the show or click here to subscribe for free on iTunes. 

TOP 5 MOVIE LINES FROM ANDREW DICE CLAY:

5. "If you'd like me to provide you with some vital statistics that can't be measured in a public place, I'd be happy to do so." (Casual Sex)

4. "Have a Twinkie, snapperhead." (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)

3. "Ya know, I used to have it all figured out. It's like women changed when I had my back turned." (Casual Sex)

2. "Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want." (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)

1. "Love's a bitch, Duck. Love's a bitch." (Pretty in Pink)

John Cusack ... the political activist?

Everyone's vote for Mr. 80s -- John Cusack -- is back on the big screen. But this is a role that could catch a lot of long-time fans off guard.

Angry over the war in Iraq, Cusack helped write and stars in "War, Inc." -- a movie set in fictional Turaqistan, a country occupied by an American company called Tamerlane (yet run by a former American vice president), according to Reuters.

The movie -- set to open in late May in New York and Los Angeles -- is strictly low budget, yet it also co-stars big names such as Ben Kingsley, Marisa Tomei and Hilary Duff. (And, of course, his sister Joan Cusack.)

The movie is meant to be satire, Cusack tells Reuters, and even includes "a chorus line of scantily clad female amputees."

"I think the movie should be kind of offensive," Cusack told Reuters. "Sometimes with a serious, somber movie, even though they're great and well intentioned, it just doesn't allow you to be outraged because you just get depressed. This allows you to actually feel like, 'Let's do something subversive.' "

Click here to view the trailer. And like any movie worth seeing, it has its own official website.

[AP photo/First Look Studios]

He'll give 'Rock of Love' a bad name

Here's some news to make the ladies swoon: Bon Jovi guitarist Ritchie Sambora is set to replace Poison's Bret Michaels on next season's "Rock of Love."

Season 2 of the too-painful-to-look-away reality show just wrapped up with Michaels choosing skank-a-licious Ambre Lake as his new girlfriend.

"Despite the first season being exposed as a fraud -- the winning contestant already had a boyfriend -- Michaels and Lake insists this time it is for real, and they are handing the show over to another single star," according to the brilliantly name Sleaze Roxx website.

Sambora, on the other hand, has already been through Heather Locklear and her gal-pal Denise Richards. And he thinks he'll do better picking anonymous women off VH1? Good luck, Richie. I'd take a double-shot of "Bad Medicine" before the season opener -- 'cause there ain't no doctor that can cure the disease.

[AP, publicity photos]

Madonna fans are suckers

Madonna celebrates the release of "Hard Candy" with the usual moronic bunch of robotic dancing dweebs Wednesday In New York. [AP photo]

I'll never understand the enduring attraction to Madonna. And after this blog item, I might stop trying. (Even though her apologists will never go away.)

Madonna threw a free concert Wednesday night at New York's Roseland Ballroom, a quaint 2,000-person venue. According to the New York Times, fans waited in line as long as 60 hours for a chance to see her perform -- for 30 ... whole ... minutes.

Plus, if you believe at least one celeb gossip website, she may have been lip-syncing or music-syncing portions of the show. "What Would Tyler Durden Do" -- easily one of the most profane (ie. hilarious) websites out there, posts a short video of the show with this helpful hint: "Just let this clip load all the way then skip to 1:50 because that's when Madonna awesomely stops singing yet you can still hear her singing."

Nice "live" show. From the "Material Girl" to the "Artificial Filler Girl" in just 20 years.

Falling stars of the 80s

Madonna masquerading as a stripper. Gary Coleman on "Divorce Court." George Michaels cruising the public park bathrooms. Mel Gibson picking fights with the police -- and his liver. Tom Cruise picking fights with -- pretty much the entire civilized world. And let's not even bring up the sins of Pee Wee Herman and Jeffrey Jones.

It's an ugly world out there sometimes, 80s fans.

This is a list I'd hoped we wouldn't have to put together, but the timing seems appropriate. Tell us this: Who are the '80s stars you're most ashamed of these days?

You could make your picks based on problems with the law, substance abuse, fights with other celebs or just really bad cosmetic surgery decisions. Submit as many as you want, but try to rank them whenever possible. Later, we'll unveil the ultimate Hall of Shame list.

Here are some others that come to mind:

MADONNA: She's 49 years old, going on 19. And she still wants to dress like a peep-show girl turned dominatrix. And puleeze! For all that is holy, stop talking with a British accent.

SEAN YOUNG: The glory days are all over for the co-star of "No Way Out," "Cousins" and "Blade Runner." She needs to use a breath-a-lizer now before attending awards dinners.

TOM CRUISE: Yo, Tom, you only "starred" in a movie about Vietnam. So stop acting like you have some battleground syndrome and act like a normal person again. Or at least take your shoes if you want to jump on couches.

PAULA ABDUL: I really don't want to be a cold-hearted snake here. I feel for Paula -- I can't make it through an episode of "American Idol" without drinking heavily either.

Gary Coleman has anger issues

Is anyone else still just plain dumbfounded by the phenomenon that is Gary Coleman? The video above are clips from his recent appearance on TV's "Divorce Court."

Gary, let me ask you a few questions: Are you totally bat-house insane or what? You married a 22-year-old in secret but now are divorcing on her a syndicated national TV show? Why don't you just behave like the other whacked-out '80s and just jump up and down on Oprah's couch? (One more question: Can I get your ex's phone number when the paperwork is complete?)

Gary, you're 40 years old now. Time to act like the rest of us: Sit home alone, watch reality TV and taste-test tiny bottles of vodka you bought on sale at the liquor store last night.