Worst songs of the 80s: 31-40

The countdown of the 80 worst songs of the 80s is halfway home with numbers 31 through 40. A lot of Prince references in this particular list of 10. No wonder he gave these songs away. (Click here to see 41-50, 51-60, 61-70 and  71-80).

40. I Feel For You (Chaka Khan)
Written by Prince (harmonica by Stevie Wonder)
"I wanna love you, wanna hug you, wanna squeeze you too"

39. Sussudio (Phil Collins)
Critized for -- among many things -- sounding too much like Prince's 1999.
"Now she don't even know my name. But I think she likes me just the same"

38. Heaven is a Place on Earth (Belinda Carlisle)
Carlisle posed nude for Playboy in 2001. Song's video directed by actress Diane Keaton
"When I'm lost at sea, I hear your voice, And it carries me"

37. All She Wants to do is Dance (Don Henley)
Kool & The Gang covered the song on their 1989 album.
"Rebels have been rebels since I don't know when. And all she wants to do is dance"

36. She's Like the Wind (Patrick Swayze)
He also wrote the song for the movie Dirty Dancing.
"Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs"

35. Manic Monday (The Bangles)
Prince wrote it and offered it to the group while wooing Susanna Hoffs.
"These are the days when you wish your bed was already made"

34. Hangin' Tough (New Kids on the Block)
In 1990, the band made more money than Michael Jackson.
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, just hangin tough, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hangin tough."

33. Tainted Love (Soft Cell)
Originally recorded in 1964 by northern soul artist Gloria Jones.
"Don't touch me please. I cannot stand the way you tease"

32. To All the Girls I've Loved Before (Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias)
One of Willie's two most popular tunes, along with "Always On My Mind"
"To all the girls I once caressed. And may I say I've held the best"

31. Kyrie (Mr. Mister)
Band name comes from Mr. Misty, a drink sold by Dairy Queen.
"Somewhere between the soul and soft machine is where I find myself again"

Sneak preview of 21-30: Two stinkers each by Stevie Wonder and Sheena Easton.

By the way, our Stuck in the 80s podcast this week is also about the worst songs of the 80s. Click here to download it or click here to subscribe to us for free on iTunes.

Worst songs of the 80s: 41-50

The countdown of the 80 worst songs of the 80s finally reaches the top 50 with numbers 41 through 50. (Click here to see 51-60, 61-70 and  71-80).

50. Kokomo (Beach Boys)
Band deemed an "undesirable element" in 1980 by Reagan's secretary of the interior.
"To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique"

49. Pass the Dutchie (Musical Youth)
Based on song "Pass the Kouchie," which -- yes -- is about smoking pot.
"How does it feel when you've got no food?"

48. Who's Crying Now (Journey)
One of the band's top 3 singles is also the most overplayed.
"And in a lover's rage, they tore another page. The fightin' is worth the love they save"

47. All Out Of Love (Air Supply)
Played before 175,000 fans in Cuba in 2005.
"I'm reaching for you. Are you feeling it too?"

46. Ride Like the Wind (Christopher Cross)
Cartoon character Chris Griffin in Family Guy is thought to be named after Cross.
"And I got such a long way to go. To make it to the border of Mexico."

45. We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off (Jermaine Stewart)
His backup vocals work for Culture Club helped him land a solo record deal.
"You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip"

44. Come on Eileen (Dexys Midnight Runners)
Band name taken from the energy drug Dexedrine.
"Go Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye-Aye and we can sing just like our fathers"

43. I Want To Know What Love Is (Foreigner)
Only No. 1 hit for the band, though they had several top 10 singles.
"Can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life"

42. Uptown Girl (Billy Joel)
Written about his future wife, Christie Brinkley. Came out same year as Michael Jackson's Thriller.
"I bet she never had a back street guy. I bet her mama never told her why"

41. Hearts (Marty Balin)
Vocalist for Jefferson Starship, which has a more recognizable song in the top 20 of this list.
"I just thought I'd write a song to tell the world how I miss you"

Sneak preview of 31-40: Gee, Mister, that song sucks. And nobody hates Monday so much that they wish it were Sunday.

By the way, our Stuck in the 80s podcast this week is also about the worst songs of the 80s. Click here to download it or click here to subscribe to us for free on iTunes.

Worst songs of the 80s: 51-60

The countdown of the 80 worst songs of the 80s marches on with numbers 51 through 60. (Click here to see 61-70 and  71-80).

60. Say Say Say (Paul McCartney with Michael Jackson)
In Cantonese, the title sounds like "Sei, Sei, Sei," which means "Die, Die, Die" (I feel the same way!)
"Baby through the years, you know I'm crying, Oo oo oo oo oo..."

59. Somebody's Watching Me (Rockwell)
Features Michael and Jermaine Jackson on guest vocals.
"All I want is to be left alone in my average home"

58. Electric Avenue (Eddie Grant)
A 2001 remix was a top 10 hit in the U.K.
"No place to hang out our washing, and I can't blame all on the sun, oh no"

57. I Eat Cannibals (Total Coelo)
The group's name is Latin, and roughly translates to "totally different."
"Fancy a bite, my appetite. Yum, yum, gee it's fun"

56. Mexican Radio (Wall of Voodoo)
A classic video on MTV, the song never made the Top 40.
"I hear the talking of the DJ, Can't understand just what does he say?"

55. Think of Laura (Christopher Cross)
Though usually associated with General Hospital's Luke and Laura, the song is about a friend who died from a stray bullet.
"Think of Laura but laugh don't cry. I know she'd want it that way."

54. The War Song (Culture Club)
A No. 2 single in 1984 in the U.K., it wasn't nearly as popular in the U.S.
"War war is stupid. And people are stupid. And love means nothing. In some strange quarters"

53. Party All the Time (Eddie Murphy)
Produced by Rick James, the song was recently named of the 50 worst of all time by Blender magazine.
"I buy you champagne, roses and put diamonds on your fingers. But still you hang out all night, what am I to do?"

52. 19 (Paul Hardcastle)
Featuring samples of TV narrator Peter Thomas, it was a huge hit outside the U.S.
"All those who remember the war. They won't forget what they've seen. Destruction of men in their prime, whose average was 19"

51. Never Surrender (Corey Hart)
The first, but not the last, time we'll hear from this Canadian singer.
"Just a little more time is all we're asking for. 'Cause just a little more time could open closing doors"

Sneak peak at 41-50: What's a "Dutchie" anyway? Guess it takes an Uptown Girl to know.

By the way, our Stuck in the 80s podcast this week is also about the worst songs of the 80s. Click here to download it or click here to subscribe to us for free on iTunes.

Breakfast Club star dies at 67

Paul Gleason, who played the villainous high school principal in The Breakfast Club, died this weekend at age 67. He had a rare form of lung cancer, according to media reports.

In his acting career, Gleason appeared in more than 60 films though he's probably best known as Principal Vernon in Breakfast Club, the 1985 movie by John Hughes that served as a landmark film for the 80s generation. As the antagonist to Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson and Ally Sheedy, he scored some of the most memorable lines, including:

-- "You're not fooling anyone Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you."
-- "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."
-- "Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me."
-- "I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus."
-- "The next time I have to come in here I'm crackin' skulls."

Put Breakfast Club aside, and Gleason's acting career is impressive. Remember these gems?

-- Arthur (Unnamed executive): "He gets all that money. Pays his family back by bein' a stinkin' drunk. It's enough ta make ya sick."
-- Trading Places (Clarence Beeks): "Back off! Or I'll rip out your eyes and p--s on your brain."
-- Van Wilder (Professor McDoogle): "Ok, Wilder. Let's dance."

That's just a small taste. To be honest, most of his best quotes are unprintable in this family-oriented blog. So queue up your DVDs to enjoy the real Paul Gleason. We'll miss him.

Worst songs of the 80s: 61-70

The countdown of the 80 worst songs of the 80s continues today with numbers 61 through 70. (Click here to see 71-80).

70. Kiss (Prince)
No. 1 song in 1986 (he also penned No. 2 song "Manic Monday" for Bangles).
"Act your age, mama, not your shoe size"

69. Don't Tell Me You Love Me (Night Ranger)
San Francisco band's first hit only reached No. 40.
"I'm a kid on the run. I got a pistol for action"

68. Girl You Know It's True (Milli Vanilli)
German pop pair lip-synced their live performances.
"You're soft, succulent so sweet and thin. That's kind of like a vision upon your skin."

67. Died in Your Arms (Cutting Crew)
Song included on video game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.
"Her diary it sits on the bedside table. The curtains are closed, the cats in the cradle."

66. Like a Rock (Bob Seger)
"Poor man's Springsteen" forever synonymous with Chevy truck ads.
"Working for peanuts, not a dime to spare. But I was lean and solid everywhere."

65. You're the Inspiration (Chicago)
Band's first 19 albums known only by corresponding roman numeral.
"And I need you here with me, from tonight until the end of time."

64. Hello (Lionel Richie)
Recorded about the same time he adopted Nicole Richie.
"I sometimes see you pass outside my door. Hello, is it me you're looking for? "

63. Too Much Time on my Hands (Styx)
A Top 10 hit off 1980's Paradise Theater album.
"Is it any wonder I'm not crazy? Is it any wonder I'm sane at all?"

62. Lights Out (Peter Wolf)
Lead singer for J. Geils Band from 1967 to 1982.
"I know that it's wrong, to be dancing with no lights on"

61. Every Rose Has Its Thorn (Poison)
No. 1 in 1988; touring this summer on 20th anniversary tour.
"Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song"

Sneak preview of 51-60: Who do you think of when you think of Christopher Cross? And stay away from duets, Paul McCartney!

By the way, our Stuck in the 80s podcast this week is also about the worst songs of the 80s. Click here to download it or click here to subscribe to us for free on iTunes.

Worst songs of the 80s: 71-80

The first installment of the Worst 80 songs of the 80s. Lionel Richie takes the honors here, scoring two songs in the last 10 singles of the list. (Click here for the methodology between the picks.)

80. All Night Long (Lionel Richie)
No. 1 in the U.S. for 4 weeks in 1983.
"We're going to party, Karamu, fiesta, forever. Come on and sing along!"

79. Never Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley):
No. 1 in U.S., U.K., Canada in 1987.
"Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."

78. We Didn't Start The Fire (Billy Joel):
No. 1 in U.S. in 1989.
"We didn't start the fire. No we didn't light it. But we tried to fight it."

77. Stuck With You (Huey Lewis):
No. 1 in U.S. for 3 weeks in 1986.
"Yes, it's true, I am happy to be stuck with you."

76. Another One Bites The Dust (Queen):
Queen's best-selling single ever.
"Steve walks warily down the street, With the brim pulled way down low."

75. Maniac (Michael Sembello):
Third highest grossing song from Flashdance soundtrack.
"It can cut you like a knife, if the gift becomes the fire. On a wire between will and what will be."

74. Broken Wings (Mr. Mister):
Band's lead singer was offered lead vocalist job in Chicago and Toto.
"The book of love will open up and let us in."

73. I Love a Rainy Night (Eddie Rabbitt):
Rabbitt had more than two dozen No. 1 songs on country charts. Died in 1998.
"Showers washed all my cares away. I wake up to a sunny day."

72. Keep Your Hands to Yourself (Georgia Satellites):
Reached No. 2 on charts (couldn't beat "Livin' On a Prayer").
"I got a little change in my pocket going jingle lingle ling."

71. Say You, Say Me (Lionel Richie):
Theme song to "White Nights" won Richie an Oscar.
"As we go down life's lonesome highway, seems the hardest thing to do is to find a friend or two."

No. 61-70: Hello again, Lionel. And it seems that Styx had too much time on their hands back in the 80s.

By the way, our Stuck in the 80s podcast this week is also about the worst songs of the 80s. Click here to download it or click here to subscribe to us for free on iTunes.

Are you ready for the ultimate 80s list?

A few weeks ago, I set out to compile a list of the 50 worst songs of the 80s. To be honest, I didn't think I'd find 50 truly awful songs. Truth is, I found so many more.

It's obvious 80s fans are passionate about the music they love -- and the music they hate. So when it came time to finally compile the songs into a list, I found that I have enough to offer 80 songs instead of 50. The 80 worst songs of the 80s. It has a nice ring to it.

The general criteria in picking the songs is:
-- They needed to be recorded in the 1980s.
-- They needed to be somewhat familiar to the average 80s fan, preferably making a decent run in the top 40 charts.
-- The songs didn't necessarily need to be awful from the first time you heard it. But given a few decades of fermentation, these are some real bio-terrors.

Songs that were suggested by more than one reader will be found closer to the top of the list. Some of the most-requested loser songs unfortunately didn't fall in the 80s, including Charlene's "I've Never Been to Me" (1977) and Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" (1991).

Several people suggested "anything by" these artists: Tiffany, Christopher Cross, Michael McDonald, Whitney Houston, Sheena Easton, Ray Parker Jr., Culture Club, Poison, Warrant, Cinderella and Bobby Brown.

I'm going to roll out these songs in groups of 10, beginning tonight with numbers 71 through 80 and continuing each day through the week. Feel free to make comments, either agreeing or disagreeing.

Return of the Impossible 80s Lyrics Challenge

We haven't had a decent lyrics challenge in a while. You'll find there's a theme to all the answers in this particular quiz, so that should make it easier.

Name the artist and song:

1. "The evening comes, we sit and watch the VJs. Clips and rushes come from who knows where."
2. "I won't take no if that's your answer. At least that's my philosophy."
3.  "We're heading for Venus and still we stand tall. Cause maybe they've seen us and welcome us all."
4. "If I tell you tonight, will you turn out the light? And walk away knowing I love you?"
5. "They reached for tomorrow, but tomorrow's more of the same."

Latest podcast online: The latest Stuck in the 80s podcast -- on "When Harry Met Sally" -- is online. Click here to download it. Or go to iTunes to subscribe to the entire podcast for free!

Madonna: Yeah, Jesus loves me

Madonna has finally decided to defend her "singing from a mock crucifix" stunt from her tour's debut in L.A. this week. The queen of the dance floor climbed onto the 20-foot, mirrored cross to sing "Live to Tell." Several church groups were not amused.

"I don't think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I'm trying to send," she said, according to reports on the web. "Jesus taught that we should love thy neighbor."

(And whenever possible, wear a thorn of crowns to drive the point home, we guess.) Is that what they taught you in Kabbalah classes, Madonna?

We're not sure what the Bible and Jesus teaches about ball-gags, leather corsets and riding crops, but we'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

In other Mad Madonna news:

According to one report, the pop star demanded that 1,000 liters of Kabbalah mountain spring be sent to L.A. before the tour began this week. Her dancers and crew members were required to drink the water because -- per Kabbalah legend -- it has healing powers.

Forget American Idol, here's something BETTER

The season finale for American Idol is tonight. But you won't catch me tuned to Fox for that drivel. No, I'm going high-brow -- 80s style. That's right, Stroker Ace is on TV tonight, 8 p.m. on the CMTV channel.

A comedy about NASCAR with a little Burt Reynolds, some Jim Nabors, sprinkled with Loni Anderson and Parker Stevenson. Why, how can you turn this one down? This is pure gold! A who's who of 80s delight.

OK, in reality it won a Razzie award in 1984 for worst supporting actor (Nabors) and narrowly missed on Razzies for actress, director and picture. But sadly, it doesn't even make my list of worst movies about car racing (actually, since there aren't any good movies about racing, they're all on the worst list.) If you think you can't stomach Stroker tonight, just ponder this: You could be watching Kenny Rogers in Six Pack instead.

He'll have a Raspberry Beignet (the kind you find in a natural food store)

I didn't even know Prince was a vegetarian, much less the "world's sexiest vegetarian," but it's true. PETA named the Purple One (oh, that sounds bad) to the title this week. (They also tapped Kristen Bell, but she's no 80s queen.)

Prince always has that "Ghandi" physique going, so maybe it's not a shocker afterall that he prefers broccoli to burgers.

Then again, the lyrics in the extended version of "When Doves Cry" kind of give it away:

"Dream if you can a buffet,
Tofu and salads in bloom,
Carnivores strike curious poses,
Cuz there's no meat,
No meat between me and you."

Here are the other 80s stars that made PETA's list of sexiest vegetarians: Alyssa Milano, Annie Lennox, Chrissie Hynde, Daphne Zuniga, Joan Jett, Marilu Henner, Pamela Anderson, Tatum O'Neal, Alec Baldwin, Boy George, Bryan Adams, Corey Feldman, Ed Begley Jr., Eric Stoltz, Forest Whitaker, John Cleese, Kenny Loggins, Larry Mullen Jr., Woody Harrelson and "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Excuse me? Boy George, Weird Al and Corey Feldman are on a "world's sexiest" list?

Church nails Madonna for crucifixion stunt

Poor judgment has always been Madonna's cross to bear. (Exhibit one: Sean Penn. Exhibit two: Guy Ritchie.) Always looking for ways to shock concert-goers (you'd think the $350 tickets would be enough), she's gone back to her most reliable strategy: Dress your eunuch dancers with ball-gags, put on some tight black leather and try to aggravate the religious right.

The pop culture icon -- no longer a singer ... she's merely a performance artist now -- kicked off her "Confessions on a Dance Floor" tour in Los Angeles this week. Not one to disappoint her fan base of S&M and adult-mag devotees, she slid from inside a giant disco ball, dressed in equestrian/bondage gear and sporting a riding crop. She later took time to ride what Rolling Stone magazine called a "mechanical saddle/stripper pole."

But what really is upsetting the Opus Dei factions out there is the part when Madonna -- wearing a crown of thorns -- jumped onto a giant mirrored crucifix to sing "Live to Tell."

"Knock off the Christ-bashing," Catholic League president Bill Donohue told the Washington Post in a statement. "It's just pathetic."

A spokesman for the Church of England, usually one to avoid such inquisitions, told Britain's BBC website: "Why would someone with so much talent seem to feel the need to promote herself by offending so many people?"

(So much talent? Are we still talking about Madonna?)

Why all the shock and surprise? Madonna isn't going to take the stage alone, perch herself on a stool and strum a guitar with eyes closed, Eric Clapton-style. (You need more than a disco backbeat and electronic drum machine for that.) This is MADONNA. With her unquenchable fetish for religious imagery, it's a wonder she didn't lobby to be added to the cast of The Da Vinci Code. (The love scene between her and Silas would be have been priceless.)

What else did you expect from her? The act is old and its tiring. It's a cliche. To me, it's not the content of her latest stunts that offends me. It's the predictability of them.

Harry met Sally ... now meet your match

In anticipation of this week's "When Harry Met Sally" podcast, we present you with this short trivia quiz on the movie and other films with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan.

1.  Name Billy's character on the TV series "Soap."

2. How many roles does Meg Ryan play in "Joe vs. the Volcano"?

3. Which line from "When Harry Met Sally" was voted #33 in a list of top 100 movies quotes by the American Film Institute?

4. In "When Harry Met Sally," why does Harry freak out when his date tells him she went to Michigan State?

5. In "City Slicker," what jobs do the three main characters (played by Crystal, Bruno Kirby and Daniel Stern) hold?

6. Tom Hanks has appeared with Meg Ryan in several films. He was slated to appear with her again in 1986's "Armed and Dangerous," but was replaced at the last minute by who?

7. Which Meg Ryan movie was named the #3 must-see movie of all time, according to a listeners poll conducted by a London radio station.

8. In "French Kiss," why can't Meg Ryan's character return to Canada?

9. In "When Harry Met Sally," who knew before Harry did about his wife moving out?

10. What T.V. show does Harry like to watch in Spanish?

I pity the fool who doesn't sing Happy Birthday

The ultimate 80s icon -- Mr. T -- is 54 years old today. To me, he'll always be Clubber Lang in Rocky III. ("My prediction? Pain.") Others prefer him as B.A. "Bad Attitude" Baracus in The A-Team. And as soon as I finish this blog item, I'm refilling my glass and queuing up his performance as the wisely janitor in "Not Another Teen Movie." (A little Sunday ritual of mine.)

His real name is Lawrence Tureaud and he was the youngest of 12 children in a family that grew up in the housing projects of Chicago. He played football for Prairie View A&M University and tried out for the Green Bay Packers before a knee injury ended his career. He found he could make a good living as a bodyguard to the stars and changed his name to Mr. T in 1980. (So that people would have to call him "Mister....")

Mr. T's acting career began in 1982 when he was discovered by Sylvester Stallone during a "World's Toughest Bouncer" contest. Stallone cast him in Rocky III, where his trademark line was born: "I don't hate Balboa, but I pity the fool." (To this day, sadly, this is my favorite of the Rocky movies. Mainly because of "Eye of the Tiger" and the way it ends with Rocky and Apollo about to land punches.)

His remains one of the foremost acting cheeseheads of the 80s, along with Gary Coleman, Ricky Schroeder and Patrick Swazye.

Favorite quotes attributed to Mr. T:
-- "I pity the fool."
-- "As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal."
-- "I believe in the Golden Rule:  The Man with the Gold . . .              Rules."
-- "When I was growing up, my family was so poor we couldn't afford to              pay attention."
-- "It takes a smart guy to play dumb."

There's no grail beneath this Rose

Axl Rose generates enough news to warrant a daily series of blog items, if only:

a) The guy had enough talent to warrant the attention;

b) He didn't have a shelf life of a head of lettuce, and;

c) Deep down inside, we all didn't think he was such a pathetic clown.

The latest news? Seems the Guns N' Roses singer got into a scuffle with designer Tommy Hilfiger at a Manhattan nightclub on Thursday. Yes, Hilfiger. Not a real brute like Mickey Rourke or Lenny Kravitz, who were also at the club that night (laughing themselves into a coma no doubt at the surrealness of the mini-melee between Corn-Row Boy and the Frail Prince of Prep Fashion. Seriously, this is the EA Sports boxing videogame equivalent of Glass Joe vs. Butter Bean.)

The playground feud started after Axl moved a drink belonging to Hilfiger's girlfriend so it wouldn't spill. Hilfiger smacked him in the arm and told him to move it back -- and kept smacking him. (No word on if either warrior began crying or pulling hair.)

Axl later took to the stage and performed a surprise set (for the record, any GNR set is really a surprise set), dedicating the song "You're Crazy" to "my good friend Tommy Hilfiger."

Test your 80s IQ? Figure out our podcast topic

Can you figure out our upcoming Stuck in the 80s podcast's topic based on these pieces of trivia? We'll be discussing a movie.

-- The main characters are loosely based on the real lives of the movie's director and screenwriter.

-- Molly Ringwald turned down the lead role in the movie due to her busy schedule.

-- The son of a former president has a minor role in the movie.

-- Before deciding on its final name, the movie considered titles of "Boy Meets Girl" and "Blue Moon."

Those are all the clues you get. Good luck.

The "soft FM rock" of 1981

Our latest Stuck in the 80s podcast is online, featuring the one-hit wonders of 1981. Click here to download and listen.

It's really a trip down Amnesia Lane, because some of the songs will sound a little unfamiliar and very un-80s-like. Remember, 1981 was the last gasp for the soft-rock FM hits. Hence you get some April Wine ("Just Between You and Me"), Joey Scarbury ("Believe It or Not"), Kim Carnes ("Bette Davis Eyes") and Quarterflash ("Harden My Heart"). When we get around to covering the one-hit wonders of 1982 (Bow Wow Wow, Toni Basil, Wall of Voodoo), you'll really hear the difference -- Pop and New Wave conquers Disco.

In the meantime, feel free to send us your own suggestions and comments. We answer every e-mail. Here are some of the latest comments:

From Austin, Texas: "I just started listening and loved the shows on Miami Vice and politics in the 80s. It's a cool show because I always get into the subject and think of other things I would say if I were there."

From GT: "As always great show!!!!... Pure comedy"

From Minneapolis: "Great podcast! Now that summer is getting closer how about a 'Best summer album of the 80s' show? I vote for 'Skylarking' by XTC. Also, get on that Husker Du show!"

From Puerto Rico: "I love the show. You guys keep up the great work and the memories coming."

Ever "pull a Ferris"? Here's how

For someone who loves the 80s as much as I do, I haven't incorporated much of the culture of the golden decade into my lingo these days. Except for one thing: Pulling a Ferris. Definition: To skip out on an obligation -- usually work or school -- by claiming to be sick. Anytime someone calls in sick, I playfully accuse them of pulling a Ferris. I have no idea if they know what I'm talking about. I don't care either.

And indeed I'm stuck home today, Ferris-like. Except that I'm legitimately sick. Strep throat. And I have a needle mark in my butt from the penicillin shot and a $40 receipt from the clinic to prove it. Plus, when you listen to this week's podcast (about one-hit wonders in 1981), you'll notice I sound tired, frustrated and downright cranky. That's the strep talking.

But why ruin a good story with facts, figures and fannies.

In the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off, our hero goes with the ole "sweaty palms" technique, along with a side order of moaning and wailing, to avoid a day at school. Good stuff. That might keep you home from high school, but not the office.

So here are some recommended "Pulling a Ferris" strategies for the rest of us. These aren't mine per se -- let's just say I've collected my favorite ones from my nearly 20-year career of hanging around fellow slackers:

-- Mental day off: Just want to skip a day from work and do nothing special? I recommend using the "exploding diarrhea" excuse. No one at work will want you using the same restroom. Plus that's a symptom that comes and goes (literally) and you'll be back on your feet in 24 hours.

-- Day at the ballpark: Trickier because you could be spotted, either by fellow Ferris-pullers or on TV. Plus, an outdoor venue brings the possibility of sunburn. For this excursion, I recommend trying this: "My doctor called and ordered a sudden series of tests on me. I'll be spending half the day at the clinic giving blood and stool samples." Nobody will want to know anything more. Plus, you're not contagious or necessarily sick. If spotted, you're just blowing off steam after a morning spent with painful needles.

-- The extended weekend: The ultimate getaway challenge. You want to turn that two-day weekend into a three- or four-day minivacation. For this, you need the advanced planning. Start a few days before the weekend, claiming unusual fatigue or trying a little fake heavy coughing. Then loudly express worries that your whole weekend is in peril if you don't start feeling better. Maybe even leave work an hour or two early one day to see if you can "catch the doctor" on the way home. Then -- and this is the hard part -- set your alarm clock for very early that Monday morning -- 3 or 4 a.m. Call the boss's voice mail and leave a wheezing, hacking message saying you've been sick all weekend and won't make it in today. Hang up awkwardly, as if you almost passed out just from the energy expended, and go back to bed.

Remember, Ferris-worshippers, life moves pretty fast. If you don't skip work once in a while, you might miss it.

Wildest dreams: Asia reunion, tour finally official

After months of rumors and speculation, Asia has announced a tour to begin in September that will include all four original members. The 80s supergroup hasn't toured with their original lineup since the debut of their second album back in 1983. This year marks the band's 25th anniversary.

Only dates in September have been announced so far. The tour begins Sept. 1 in Pennsylvania and includes stops around the Northeast and out west. No shows are scheduled yet for the Southeast, but band insiders tell Stuck in the 80s that tour dates will be added based on fan reaction during the first month of touring.

While Asia has maintained a steady core of fans over its 25 years in the business, the original lineup of Geoffrey Downes, Steve Howe, Carl Palmer and John Wetton was torn apart by the stress of following up the success of their debut album, internal alliances and record label politics.

The band's discography includes a slew of top 10 hits, including Heat of the Moment, Sole Survivor and Don't Cry.

Bono makes headlines -- literally

U2 crooner Bono is the guest newspaper editor Tuesday at The Independent, a daily tabloid newspaper in Britain. The newspaper donated half its revenue for the day to Bono's campaign to fight AIDS in Africa.

The lead headline: "NO NEWS TODAY" ... but in smaller type -- "Just 6,500 Africans died as a result of a preventable, treatable disease."

Bono's edition had a large dose of AIDS-related news, including an interview of Prime Minister Tony Blair, conducted by Bono himself. The two discussed global warning, educational initiatives for poor nations and the health crisis in Africa.

The edition also featured commentaries by Nelson Mandela, Bob Geldof, Elvis Costello and Eddie Izzard.

It wasn't all serious hard news. Bono gave space for a Q&A with fashion king Giorgio Armani. And U2 guitarist The Edge tells the story of how musicians in New Orleans are rebuilding their culture in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Another interesting tidbit added by the Editor in Chief: Top 10 Works of Music, as chosen by U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. A lot of classical music, but Cream's "Sunshine of Your Love," Aretha Franklin's "Respect" and Elton John's "Rocket Man" make the list. As does "anything by U2." What a suck-up.

How I almost killed Emmitt Smith

Emmitt Smith, who turns 37 today, almost never had a chance to become the NFL's leading rusher ... because I nearly killed him one day back in 1988 in Gainesville, Fla.

(Bear with me if you're not big football fans out there.)

Smith, who was one of the most recruited running backs coming out of high school in the late 80s, committed to the University of Florida during my sophomore year. On national signing day, my entire fraternity sat around the living room, listening on the campus radio station to the news conference where Smith was choosing between playing for Florida or Auburn University. When he said "Florida," we kicked off a party that lasted two days. (We didn't need a reason to do this, but we thank Emmitt for giving us one anyway).

The following year, I was driving through campus trying to race back to my job at the student newspaper. Classes ended hours earlier and the streets were empty, so I took my eyes off the road to fiddle with the radio. Suddenly, I looked up and noticed the entire Florida Gator football team running across the street from the stadium to the practice field. I slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop. The closest player was inches in front of me. He reached out, puts his hands on the hood of my Mustang and glared at me.

Yup, it was Emmitt.

Seeing I was adequately rattled, he broke into a grin, wagged a friendly finger at me and ran off to practice. I sat there in my car for another minute, watching straggling players cross the street and waiting for my blood pressure to return to normal. It was my only encounter with Emmitt on campus. He went on to become Florida's leading rusher and a future NFL Hall of Famer. I on the other hand ... well, I'm not sure there's any hall of fame that'd take me.

Happy birthday, Emmitt. Thanks for the memories. Glad those car brakes worked.

He's in a Syracuse state of mind

Billy Joel serenaded 5,000 Syracuse University students today while on hand to address the graduating class of 2006. Joel never received his high school diploma, but has received honorary college degrees from a half dozen colleges, including a doctorate from Syracuse.

Joel led the crowd in a slightly altered version of "Down in New Orleans," changing the lines for his audience: "Come on everybody, take a trip with me, up to Onondaga County, that's where I'll be. Oh, you're going to be a lawyer or an engineer, you can even study music in the college here. With any luck, you'll get a Ph.D. at Syracuse University."

Here's some other Joel songs that would be appropriate for today's college graduates. So we give you --

Everything a College Grad Needs to Know Can Be Learned from a Billy Joel Song:
-- Only The Good Die Young: "Virginia, they didn’t give you quite enough information"
-- This Is The Time To Remember: "These are the days to hold onto, 'cause we won't although we'll want to."
-- Pressure: "Now here you are with your faith and your Peter Pan advice"
-- Big Shot: "It’s no big sin to stick your two cents in, if you know when to leave it alone"
-- Everybody Has a Dream: "All the fantasies that I have been keeping will make the empty hours easier to stand"
-- Angry Young Man: "I once believed in causes too. I had my pointless point of view"

And considering the job market and economy...
-- Worse Comes to Worst: "Today I'm livin' like a rich man's son. Tomorrow mornin' I could be a bum"

Mystery musicians: The one-hit wonders of 1981

When it comes to peeling off the names of one-hit wonders of the 1980s, fans will find the year 1981 has some truly unfamiliar names.

Believe it or not, these were the hits from bands we wouldn't hear from again:

-- Ah! Leah! (Donnie Iris): The song is so much fun, it has two exclamation points.
-- Somebody's Knockin' (Terri Gibbs): Also a top 10 hit on the country charts.
-- Believe It or Not (Joey Scarbury): Yes, the theme to Greatest American Hero. (Are you walkin' on air?)
-- Sausalito Summernight (Diesel):  The Dutch band hit gold with this song in the U.S., even though it was no favorite back home in the Netherlands.
-- Shaddup Your Face (Joe Dolce): So popular in Australia, this song has been re-recorded in the Aboriginal dialect.
-- Everlasting Love (Rachel Sweet): She intentionally projected the sultry schoolgirl image long before Britney Spears patented the look.
-- Hearts (Marty Balin): The only solo hit for the co-founder of Jefferson Airplane.
-- Just Between You and Me (April Wine): The Canadian rockers had plenty of other hits up north, but this tune would be the highest charting single in the rest of the world.

Which is your favorite one-hit wonder of 1981? Leave us a comment and we'll talk about the fan favorites during our upcoming podcast. Personally, I'm going with Donnie Iris. Classic.

Not sure where to stick the corsage

Shiver in fear: Our special "Prom episode" of the Stuck in the 80s podcast is now online. Click here to download it. Since the school year is nearly over, we thought we'd take this week to examine the phenomenon of proms in the 80s -- the themes, the music, the movies that were fixated on it. (And we snapped this lovely photo of Steve and Sean at their big moment.)

And of course, we share some bizarre stories. List and find out:
-- Which podcast host had a Swedish exchange student as a prom date.
-- Why is that crazy, uncomfortable suit called a "tux"?
-- Which host almost never made it to prom at all.
-- Why our special guest decided prom was a complete waste of time and money and turned down an invitation from a George Clooney lookalike.
-- Why one of the podcast hosts spent the night cleaning up vomit composed largely of french fries and pink champagne.

You don't even have to dress up to enjoy this podcast. But queue up a little REO or OMD and just enjoy the memories.

Ever seen a grown man naked?

With the remake of The Poseidon Adventure hitting theaters this week, 80s fans have to be reminded of one of the greatest tragedy spoofs of all time: Airplane!

So groundbreaking was this 1980 comedy that writers/directors Jim Abrahams and Jerry Zucker (who appear in cameos as the ground crew that directs a plane into a terminal window) had to pitch the movie as "Animal House in an airplane" so that the studio could comprehend the idea.

There's so much bizarre history associated with the making of the movie that we could fill up pages with trivia, including: Did you know David Letterman tried out for the role of Ted Stryker? This is the last movie appearance for Ethel Merman ("You'll be swell, you'll be great. Gonna have the whole world on a plate...") Jill Whelan, who played the sick little girl, is better known as the daughter of Capt. Stubing on The Love Boat. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's part was originally supposed to be played by Pete Rose.

A new version of the movie on DVD -- the "Don't Call Me Shirley" edition -- was released last year, so fans are free to run out and enjoy again such classic lines as:

-- "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"
-- "Flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes."
-- "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."
-- "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"

What's your favorite quote from the movie? Leave us the quote in a comment and we'll list our top 10 quotes during our upcoming Airplane! episode of the Stuck in the 80s podcast.

Some casting suggestions for Knight Rider

Hollywood is ready to turn another quirky TV series into a feature film. (You'd think the last dozen or so box office bombs would deter them.) This time, it's Knight Rider, the 80s classic (dare I use that term loosely) that starred David Hasselhoff and featured the voice of William Daniels (as K.I.T.T., the talking, crime-fighting car).

The Weinstein Co. greenlighted the project and production should begin next year. The word is that Hasselhoff won't reprise his role as Michael Knight. Probably a good idea. In fact, Hasselhoff should pretty much be restricted to only appearing in roles that lampoon his very existence (Dodgeball, EuroTrip).

Personally, I never "got" the show. You have a custom Trans-Am (nice ... in the 80s, I would have approved) but with a haughty voice and snobby personality. And a German-crooning, tight-jeans, blowdried haircut as your lead actor. And they're supposed to be a menacing combination?

You know what would have made it better? Give the car the voice -- "By Your Command" -- of the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica -- the original series, of course. (Did you know spellcheck tries to change Cylon to "colon"? Just a little trivia.) The car has the Cylon-looking "eye" already on the hood. Wicked.

Then -- here's the best part -- put Kristy McNichol behind the wheel. Keep the tight jeans but make her character a rogue vigilante with a morally challenged past. Now that's a movie or show I'm buying every season on DVD.

Billy Joel -- Still going to extremes at 57

Billy Joel is 57 today. (Meanwhile, the dreaded song Piano Man feels like it's 73.)  No word on how Billy will celebrate the day. (As long as it doesn't combine alcohol and motorcycles, he's free to do whatever he likes.) Maybe he could shave that beard so he looks a little less like Garth Brooks or Peter Gabriel.

Though he seems finished with his rock/pop recording career to date, Joel hasn't stopped producing greatest hits and live-concert collections. His latest effort -- 12 Gardens Live -- is a double-disc live collection from his recent 12-night stint at New York's Madison Square Garden. It's set for release in June, when Joel resumes his tour in Vienna.

Speaking of discs .... Did you know Joel had more albums in the 80s than any other decade? True enough. Seven in the 80s alone. Some of his best (Glass Houses, Nylon Curtain, Storm Front) and two of his worst (Innocent Man, Bridge).

We dare not leave without a list in honor of The Man. So here...

Top 5 Billy Joel albums:
5. Storm Front (1989): I Go To Extremes, And So It Goes
4. 52nd Street (1978): Big Shot, My Life, Zanzibar
3. Glass Houses (1980): You May Be Right, Don't Ask Me Why
2. Nylon Curtain (1982): Allentown, Pressure, Goodnight Saigon
1. The Stranger (1977): Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, Only the Good Die Young, Movin' Out. (There's a reason it's the only album Judd Nelson wanted back in St. Elmo's Fire).

For new fans to the blog, check out older posts about Joel, including my long, rambling item about how much I hate the song Piano Man. And Sean Day's effort to rub it in during his review of Joel's show in Tampa. That's good bloggin'!

Mr. Roboto: Righteous or dehumanizing?

So in generating our collective list of 50 Worst Songs of the 80s, I've stumbled upon another roadblock: Should Mr. Roboto by Styx make the offenders' list?

(If you're having trouble remembering the glory of Dennis DeYoung in his graying, short hairdo, click here to see the entire Mr. Roboto video.)

I'm too close to this song to decide. I was a huge Styx fan back then, bought the album and enjoyed most of the tunes. Plus, the only time I saw Styx live was on the Mr. Roboto tour at the now demolished St. Petersburg Bayfront Arena, and I consider it one of my top 3 concerts. But I understand it when people argue it's the worst of their work. (Worse than "Two Much Times On My Hands?" .... And even if it is their worst, that doesn't necessarily make it on the top 50 list with the likes of "Ebony and Ivory" and "I Wanna Be A Cowboy.")

Let's go over some pluses and minuses.

PLUS: It's a catchy little tune with a very distinctive beginning. And it's in Japanese!

MINUS: The translation: Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto. Until we meet again. Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto. I want to know your secret. OK, now that you know, it's sorta pointless since it's repeated in English later in the song anyway.

PLUS: There's a message in the song (that's a novelty in music these days) that tells the story of fictitious rock star "Kilroy" who is falsely imprisoned. He escapes by hiding inside the shell of a Mr. Roboto, the automated workers of the prison. The overall theme: Machines dehumanize.

MINUS: The message sounds like the disgruntled cry of a Detroit auto worker. (Maybe Michael Moore should have directed the video.)

PLUS: It's such a part of pop culture that the song is referenced in scores of other tunes, commercials, TV shows and films. (My favorite reference? In a Simpsons episode, when Homer is cheering on Otto at the bowling alley.)

MINUS: How much longer before "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto" becomes "Where's the Beef?" or "Whaazzzzup?" (It's been 13 years and counting for Styx. That's a long streak.)

So it's time to sound off. Drop me a comment and let me know if Mr. Roboto deserves a spot on the Top 50 Worst Songs of the 80s list.

'The bloke who delivered the pizza to Spicoli'

Let's give a shout-out to comedian Taylor Negron, one of the most underappreciated actors of the 80s and beyond. In two 80s classics, he's just a mailman, delivering a copy of "How to Pick Up Trashy Women" to Badger in Better Off Dead and the bad news to Marlon in How I Got Into College. And in the epic Fast Times at Ridgemont High, he delivers the pizza to Spicoli during class.

An accomplished stand-up comedian, Negron has filmed his own HBO special and even played the role of an up-and-coming comedian with Tom Hanks in Punchline. He's appeared in more than 50 films and currently has four movies in post-production, including National Lampoon's Pledge This, co-starring Paris Hilton.

Raised in Southern California as Brad Negron, he's the cousin of Three Dog Night co-founder Chuck Negron. These days, "Taylor" supplements his acting and comedy with a successful career as an author of novels and short stories.

Five best Taylor Negron films of the 80s:
5. Punchline: The first movie when Tom Hanks is less than funny -- on purpose. Negron fits into the tight cast as another starving comic trying to make the big time.
4. Better Off Dead: "What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?"
3. Bad Medicine: An entertaining movie with Steve Guttenberg. Wow. Negron plays Pepe the cab driver at a Lati