Greatest girlfriends from 80s movies

Cracked Magazine is back, and while it's a fine publication, they need to leave the 80s topics to the real expert: That'd be me, Bobbo.

Check out their list of Seven Best 80s Movies Girlfriends: Ali (Karate Kid), Sloane (Ferris Bueller), Pamela (Teen Wolf), Holly Gennero (Die Hard), Ariel (Footloose), Jennifer (Back to the Future) and Andy (Goonies).

Whaaaa? I'll give you Jennifer (she leaves Marty the nice "I love you" note -- awwww) and Footloose's Ariel, because Ren basically had her crawling all over him. Gotta love the lack of sexual inhibition in the 80s. Sloane's the cutest but she wouldn't marry Ferris! And Holly Gennero? She nearly gets Bruce Willis killed! That's grounds for expulsion from the list.

Here's the real List of Best 80s Movies Girlfriends:

"Lisa" in Weird Science (Kelly LeBrock): The best woman science can create, and she doesn't take any guff from disapproving parents. Plus, she's about the only way Anthony Michael Hall could get lucky in the 80s. (Who am I kidding? I'm sure Farmer Ted did better than me and friends put together.)

"Karen" from Last American Virgin (Diane Franklin): She stays loyal to Rick, creating the saddest ending of any 80s movie when Gary drives off to James Ingram. That's life in the 80s, my friends. We were all one Ingram tune away from despair. (Sex in the 80s)

"Monique" from Better Off Dead (Diane Franklin): Fresh off of crushing Gary, she fixes John Cusack's Camaro and teaches him how to ski the K-12, while promising to teach him the "international language" afterward. That's why our girl Diane earns a double-billing. (Podcast)

"Julie" in Valley Girl (Deborah Foreman): OK, so she dumped Randy for Tommy when her friends went psycho on her, but queue the Modern English tune and all is well. Easily the hottest of all 80s girlfriends too. (Podcast)

"Lana" from Risky Business (Rebecca De Mornay): The world's sexiest hooker teaches Tom Cruise the lessons of life. Too bad it didn't stick. Delivers most titillating line of the 80s: "Are you ready for me ... Ralph?" (Podcast)

"Stacy" from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Jennifer Jason Leigh): Ah, Stacy, Stacy, Stacy. First, she makes it with Ron (the "audio consultant" from the stereo store), then throws herself at Rat, and then jumps Damone in the pool house. OK, so not a perfect girlfriend, but where was she when I was in high school? (Podcast)

"Ema" in Mannequin (Kim Cattrall): Even as an inanimate statue, she exudes sex. The irony is that it's usually Andrew McCarthy playing it stiff.

"Linda" from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Phoebe Cates): She stays loyal to her older boyfriend for most of the movie, goes topless in a fantasy scene and doesn't rat out Judge Reinhold for doing what any guy would do in the same situation.

"Ophelia" in Trading Places (Jamie Lee Curtis): What is it with lovable hookers in the 80s? Ah, who cares? Dan Aykroyd gets lucky and we all win.

"Lisa" in All The Right Moves (Lea Thompson): How come Tom Cruise gets to lose his virginity in no fewer than three 80s movies (this one, Risky Business, Losin' It)? For the same reason he gets to act with women like Lea -- he's Tom Cruise. (At least he gets blown away in Taps. A little kharma.)

"Cathy" in Summer Lovers (Darryl Hannah - photo top): She travels to Greece with her boyfriend (Peter Gallagher); goes willingly to a nude beach; initiates bondage and wax play; isn't angry that he sleeps with a hot French girl; and then sleeps with the French girl (and Peter) for the rest of the summer. I think we have our grand prize winner.

[Video/publicity images; click to enlarge]

Comments

[Peggy Sue]

You forgot Francis "Baby" Hausemen (sp?) in Dirty Dancing! After all, she gets the money for the Penny's abortion, she performs in the show at the Sheldrake, gives her virginity to Johnny, and protects him by saying she was with him when those little old farts were stealing wallets. HOW could you forget her?!?!

[Greg Williams]

Here's an "80's" moment for you. I might have to record this one...

We were in high school, taking our statewide-required exams for proving we's isn't teh stoopid high skool students. The students that didn't need to take the exams congregated in the gymnasium for the better part of the day, so we had tapes of various movies students brought in.

A couple of boring ones (so boring I can't remember what they were), and a lot of students saw that this was going to be boring and were encouraged to go to the other side of the gym so that the rest of us could enjoy the films without their incessant talking.

After 5 mins of being put to sleep by some movie no one cared about, up pops "Ricky Business" and the opening "shower scene" with Cruise and De Mornay. Oh YEAH baby!

Picture this: One teacher acting as "chaperone" for 2-300 students in a gym not taking the exams, staring at the screen in shock. Two P.E. instructors on the opposite side of the gym oblivious to the developing brouhaha, and the 90% of the students who drifted to the other side of the gym's bleachers now in a mad rush to get back and watch the moment of cinematic history that made puberty tolerable.

The P.E. teachers finally realize something's amiss and rush over and pop out the tape (to the collective "AWWWW" from the surly crowd) and then we get a lecture from one of them (a guy who was 2 steps from retirement) about how it was a mistake to show this film, it was a blank, unlabeled tape copied off of HBO, and how we shouldn't go telling our parents "GUESS WHAT WE SAW IN SCHOOL TODAY?!?!?!". This drew quite the guffaw from the adolescent body.

I don't think anyone got in trouble for that. And they ended up showing more "family friendly" films for the next two days...like Rambo II and Top Gun...

[cougarbait]

You have Phoebe Cates, Lea Thompson and Darryl Hannah on your list, but you say Deborah Foreman is the hottest? I haven't seen Debbie's flick, but NO ONE is hotter than Phoebe.

Now, where can I find "Summer Lovers"?

[John F]

Peggy Sue -- "Baby" wasn't a girlfriend. She isn't a significant other in Dirty Dancing. She's single and a star through the flick.

What about Sloan Peterson (Mia Sara) from Ferris' Bueller's Day Off? Oh, she didn't throw herself at anyone or go down on anyone or break anyone's heart, but she goes along with the huge risks her boyfriend (Ferris Bueller) takes.

While we are at it, how about Mary Stuart Masterson in "Some Kind of Wonderful?"

[Peggy Sue]

John F., Sloane is in the original list. "Baby" is still considered a "girlfriend" even though she is the main character in the movie. Although the studio apparently didn't think so when trying to get both Swayze and Grey for a possible sequel--they offered him ten times more money than they offered her.

[Greg Williams]

Kim Basinger as Vicki Vale in "Batman" - What about her?

[Bassnote]

What About Diane Cort from Say Anything? Ione Skye was hot. And since i brought up a John Cusack movie, how about Daphanie Zuninga as Allison in The Sure Thing, not to mention Nicolette Sheridan in the same movie (as the sure thing).

[Greg Williams]

Also, Michelle Meyrink, Mitch's girlfriend (the Hyperkinetic geek) in Real Genius?

[Melissa Johnson]

"Julie" in Valley Girl (Deborah Foreman)

Thank you so much for including her!!! I was starting to think I was the only person on the face of the Earth that even remembered this movie. Nick Cage at his finest :-)

[Steve Spears]

I'm not a huge Dirty Dancing fan. And no one nicknamed Baby is making the list anyway.

Wish I could include Ione Sky, but the judge says I'm not allowed to write about her anymore after the divorce. (Ione -- I still love you!)

Plus, she lets her DAD talk her into breaking up with Lloyd! Hard to forgive that.

And I'll take Deborah Foreman over Phoebe Cates any day. Shut the book!

[Greg Williams]

I finally just compiled a bunch more mentionables from different genres, both as girlfriends and as "love interests":

Demi Moore as Debbie in About Last Night
Apollonia Kotero as Apollonia in Purple Rain
Vanity as Laura Charles in the Last Dragon
Winona Ryder as Veronica Sawyer in Heathers
Brooke Shields as Emmeline in The Blue Lagoon
Susan Sarandon as Annie Savoy in Bull Durham
Phoebe Cates as Kate Beringer in Gremlins
Dolly Parton as Mona Stangley in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
Meg Ryan as Lydia Maxwell in Innerspace
Virginia Madsen as Madeline Robistat in Electric Dreams
Jami Gertz as Star in Lost Boys
Lori Singer as Ariel Moore in Footloose
Elisabeth Shue as Ali Mills in Karate Kid
Kim Cattrall as Cadet Karen Thompson in Police Academy
Gelfling Kira (voiced by Kathryn Mullen) in The Dark Crystal
Sigourney Weaver as Dana Barrett in Ghostbusters
Kim Greist as Beth Ryan in Throw Momma From the Train
Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood in Raiders of the Lost Ark
Julie Hagerty as Elaine in Airplane!

Some more food for thought

[Igor Vorobej (Ukraine)]

Chrissy from Thrashin' played by Pamela Gidley.
Perfect in every way possible.

http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/3715/thrashin00042851kn1.jpg

[chase]

Okay, first, no Molly Ringwald?

Hello, is this thing on? 16 Candles. PiP. Breakfast Club? For Keeps? How is she NOT the girlfriend of the 80s?

Gawh. Fricken idiots ...

And, okay, soft spot: Ali from Karate Kid ... the damn Spitting Image of my first love, miss Pamela ...

so, there's that

[Pugsly]

Uh, how about Jennifer from the most overlooked 80s movie Blame it on Rio?

[Steve Spears]

Oh Chasie. ... The thin mountain air... You poor soul. In what 80s movie was Molly Ringwald a girlfriend?

Likewise, Jennifer in Blame it on Rio was more of a mistress than a girlfriend. She's on an entirely different list. One that I keep hidden.

[Shelly]

How could Cracked Magazine name Holly Genero from Die Hard? Isn't she his wife?! I vote that this disqualifies her.

[ummmmm...]

In For Keeps? Molly Ringwald was the girlfriend-not-legally-wed-teenage-mother, Darcy. She and her boyfriend have an oops and get preggers in high school. One of the best surprise I'm pregnant scenes.

[ummmmm...]

Oh, and with the Baby discussion...she was a girlfriend. Remember the scene where Johnny gets mad cause she makes him hide with her so her father does not see them together? He says to her how she does not tell her Daddy that he is "her man".

And Baby's real name was Frances. She was an awesome girlfriend who had to admit in front of her whole family she was spending her nights with the dancer who her father thought had impregnanted his partner. She had to break poor ol' Jerry Orbach's heart. "But you let me down too. *sob*"

[Igor Vorobej (Ukraine)]

> In what 80s movie was Molly Ringwald a girlfriend?

Fresh Horses, for example.

[dbacks2007]

Sloane Peterson !!!