Tom Cruise is fired. Now what?
Tom Cruise's career has officially jumped the couch. Paramount Pictures has decided to end its longtime relationship with Cruise's production company after the star's recent bizarre behavior. We're shocked ... SHOCKED!
And very, very happy. Hollywood -- I almost love you again. And since you seem open to suggestion, here are a couple more...
Top 5 Ways to Fix The Movie Industry:
5. Sever your ties with some more overrated phonies -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Hayden Christensen, Harrison Ford, Nicole Kidman and Keanu Reeves.
4. No more musicians or athletes in leading roles in any more movies. Call this the Madonna/Shaquille O'Neal Rule.
3. We've had enough movies about cops, fire-fighters, lawyers and dance schools. New rule: Anyone pitching a movie about one of those topics is locked in a closet with a rabid wolverine. After an hour, if they still want to pitch it, let's talk.
2. Bring back the entire cast of St. Elmo's Fire for a sequel -- with the exception of Andrew McCarthy and Demi Moore. (Have the screenwriters write a side-plot in which they were both eaten by grizzly bears 5 years ago.)
1. Find the writer of a successful blog about the 80s, and offer this deserving person a seven-figure deal to write a touching yet hilarious movie about his 20-year class reunion. Budget enough money to lure John Cusack for the lead role. Bring back John Hughes to direct and choose the music - with the stipulation that the movie can't have his stereotypical and improbable happy ending. Because no class reunion has a happy ending. Sit back and rake in the cash.
Relive the music, movies and culture of the greatest decade ever with Times online editor Steve Spears. A teen during the decade, Steve is obsessed with everything from Duran Duran to Journey, John Hughes to John Cusack, and parachute pants to Reaganomics.
E-mail Steve Spears:
And while you are at it, Hollywood, how about not making leading ladies ten to twenty plus years younger than leading men! In this day and age, I'm surprised woman viewers still put up with that nonsense, and don't object more.
Posted by: CW | August 23, 2006 at 07:40 AM
Other sequels:
E.T. (The cute little girl could be in rehab)
The Lost Boys (One of the boys is in rehab)
Lethal Weapon (Sgt. Riggs is in rehab)
The World According to Garp (Garp is in rehab)
Posted by: chase | August 23, 2006 at 08:21 AM
Harrison Ford overrated??? I think not.
Schwarzenegger is not making any movies while in office as California Governor, last I heard.
Regarding rule #4, I think it was Andy Taylor from Duran Duran who once said "Actors shouldn't sing, and singers shouldn't act". I think I remember Adam Curry mentioning this on MTV back in the day (Wow! The last three podcasts all in one sweep!!!).
Posted by: Greg Williams | August 23, 2006 at 10:20 AM
I applaud Paramount Pictures on their decision. Now if Katie Holmes would just wake up...
Posted by: Bassnote | August 23, 2006 at 10:50 AM
OK, dittos to everything except that you want to add (in your contract) that I get to come along for the fun.
Posted by: Saur | August 23, 2006 at 05:54 PM
I'll take the unpopular stance again here and declare that I still love the ol' "Cruise Missile" - no matter how nutzoid he may appear to be - and I hope he makes Paramount Pictures regret this decision.
Kirk out!
Posted by: Six | August 24, 2006 at 10:20 AM
I don't know...if TomKat keeps up at this pace, we may have another Jacko on our hands... LOL!
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5$ says his next 'mission impossible' is scientologist themed....
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