Worst movies of the 80s
I'm feeling a little crabby. There's a hurricane headed toward us here in Florida, nobody liked my blog item about football movies, Comedy Central bleeped all the profanity out of the Roast of William Shatner and I'm all out of Diet Coke. This is no way to start a work week.
So it's time to take out a little frustration on poor little Hollywood again. We here at Stuck in the 80s like to glorify the movies of our favorite decade, but we're also the first to admit that for every innocent Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles there was a psychotic Molly Ringwald in Fresh Horses. Tom Cruise spices up Risky Business, but he stinks up the joint in Legend.
What we want from you is your list of worst movies from the 80s. As always, we'll add your recommendations to our list and soon hit you with the ultimate list of stink-bombs. (Check out our lists of worst songs of the 80s and best videos of the 80s for examples.)
A few suggested guidelines if you will: Sure, sequels naturally suck. Some entire franchises -- Porky's, Friday the 13th, Police Academy -- deserve to be on the list. Try to concentrate on the solo projects for extra points. Everyone hated Jaws: The Revenge. But it takes a really deranged studio exec to greenlight Yes, Giorgio.
It's easy and perhaps healthy to block out movies like Heartbeeps, Rhinestone, Leonard Part 6 and Popeye, but we're asking you to take one for the team and relive the horror for us one last time.
So drop us a comment with the real mutts and tune in soon for the completed list.
Relive the music, movies and culture of the greatest decade ever with Times online editor Steve Spears. A teen during the decade, Steve is obsessed with everything from Duran Duran to Journey, John Hughes to John Cusack, and parachute pants to Reaganomics.
E-mail Steve Spears:
I think that Popeye was THE WORSE MOVIE of the 1980's and it was released in 1980.
Posted by: Spiky Sandy | August 28, 2006 at 09:13 AM
Hey, I liked Popeye!
Worst (or "Worse") movie of the 1980s falls right in the middle of the decade, 1985's "Defcon-4" starring Lenore Zann and Maury Chaykin (both of whom are still working in Hollywood, I would have quit the biz and moved to Iceland.
What a freakin' stinker. I saw it with some buds, we had no idea what we were walking into. Awk, the horror.
Posted by: chase | August 28, 2006 at 09:23 AM
1989 was the year - the unnatural pairing of Rosanne Barr and Meryl Streep (she must have lost a bet) along with a special appearance by Ed Begley Jr. as Meryl Streep's husband. People, I will end this debate with possibly the worst movie of all time, much less the 80's. I give you - SHE DEVIL! It was so bad that I saw it at one of those $1 second run movie theatres and told the person I was seeing it with that this is possibly the only movie not worth the money - AT $1!
Posted by: Chris | August 28, 2006 at 10:48 AM
Okay, here we go...in alphabetical order:
Baby Boom
BMX Bandits
Can't Stop The music
Care Bears II: A new Generation - My daugters love this one, it makes me want to vomit.
Clara's Heart - very creepy relationship
Cobra
D.A.R.Y.L.
Dragnet
Fatal Beauty
Flowers In The Attic
Ghostbusters II
Gleaming The Cube
Grease 2
Hot Pursuit - love john Cusack movies, but this was bad.
Hot To Trot
Howard The Duck
Jaws: The Revenge
Listen To Me - Kirk Cameron, need I say more.
Like Father Like Son - Kirk Cameron AND Dudley Moore
The Land Before Time - The beginning of a hideous franchise.
National Lampoon's European Vacation - not worthy of the other 80's Vacation movies.
Night Patrol
Over The Top
The Ptrate Movie
Prom Night - every one of them
Quicksilver
Raising Arizona - I'll catch hell for this one.
Return To Oz
Santa Claus : The Movie
Satisfaction
Silver Bullet
Superman III
The Stuff
Teen Wolf 2
UHF
Vice Versa
Weekend At Bernies - People find this one funny, but it's a one joke peice of ****.
XANADU
Yentl - I hate Babs.
Young Einstein
Youngblood
Posted by: Bassnote | August 28, 2006 at 11:44 AM
Two words: Endless Love
Posted by: Scott K | August 28, 2006 at 11:44 AM
Megaforce (1982)
Posted by: Ralph | August 28, 2006 at 12:51 PM
Bassnote has a pretty extensive list, but I would add the following:
Best Defense
Two of a Kind
Look Who's Talking
Harlem Nights
Deal of the Century
Funny Farm
Throw Momma from the Train
My Stepmother Is an Alien
Doctor Detriot
Wired
Of course, I would remove "Rasing Arizona" and "Weekend at Bernies"...
Posted by: razor9edge | August 28, 2006 at 02:10 PM
Oxford Blues. (Rob Lowe, Ally Sheedy, etc., 1984).
It's not remembered as a "bad movie", if it's remembered at all, but the gaping plot holes and general nonsensicalness of this movie actually led me to begin analyzing movies (and other media) more critically. So I guess it's good for something.
Posted by: Josh G. | August 28, 2006 at 02:38 PM
I'm normally a Paul McCartney fan, but I have to nominate Give My Regards to Broadstreet. My date literally fell asleep during this movie. Okay, I do that myself these days, but we were young then!
Posted by: Glenn S. | August 28, 2006 at 03:07 PM
Bassnote, I'm going to get you for that "Raising Arizona" entry.....if it's the last thing I do...heh,heh,heh. Leave us a voicemessage greeting and I'll make you sound like Daffy Duck!!
On a lighter note, let's all gather around the old TV and puke up "Invasion U.S.A." with Chuck Norris. I had a friend (former friend) who talked me into THAT piece of tripe. I never forgave him.
dave
Posted by: Producer Dave, aka Maestro | August 28, 2006 at 04:18 PM
ISHTAR!!!
You're welcome!
Posted by: Greg Williams | August 28, 2006 at 05:41 PM
WOW! Some great suggestions here that were not on my original list. I'm very impressed. Give My Regards to Broad Street is awful, but I'm addicted to the song No More Lonely Nights.
And I really wanted to like Oxford Blues, but it is indeed a dog!
Posted by: Steve Spears | August 28, 2006 at 05:50 PM
My full list:
Ishtar - couldnt stomach it past the first 15 minutes - when the guy walks out on their stage act, that's when I walked out of the movie and snuck in to another theatre. Project X I think...
Grease 2 - Pretty much any sequel was bad in the 80's. Even Airplane 2. This one should have been filed under "W" for WTF?
Caddyshack 2 - I think even Chevy Chase knew it was doomed.
Superman 3 - Richard Pryor?
Porky's 2 - Where the hell was PORKY???
Red Sonja - Bridgette was hot, but her acting needs an enema.
Mac and Me - Next time I'll go to BK
Over the Top - Yes, you *CAN* make a movie about any sport...
Howard the Duck - WAAAAAY overpromoted. I remember seeing commercials for this movie 6 mos before it opened. Too bad it was all for not.
Leonard, Part 6 - Don't you thank the gods there was never a 1-5?
Gymkata - hiyaaaa! Other than becoming an easy comedy catchphrase for Mystery Science Theatre 3000, I can't find any other use for this film.
Masters of the Universe - Dolf baby...have some scruples. "Good journeys" to this bad one. Ruined He-man for me.
No Holds Barred - I think this was a direct contributor to the end of Hulkamania as we knew it.
Police Academy 2 through 604 - though 3 was okay
Rhinestone - Uhhhh yo...I can uhhhh sing like uhhh Dolly.
Manhattan Project - good premise, but yet another of Cannon pictures' follies. Who let that kid take a jar of nukiller radiation and replace it with Prell? Or was it Alberta V05?
Stayin Alive - Another sequel, and one that plundered Travolta in to years of abandonment by Hollywood and sterotyping of the 70's era disco king...it took about 15 years to get back in with some credibility with "Look Who's Talking" which got him in the door to "Pulp Fiction" and back into the mainstream.
Posted by: Greg Williams | August 28, 2006 at 06:47 PM
I Have More!
The Good Mother - creepy, stupid characters.
Arthur 2: On The Rocks
Top Gun - I know people are going to cry foul on this one, but I HATED this movie.
Wild Thing
Give My Regards To Broadstreet - I have to agree, crappy movie with good music.
The Survivors
Club Paradise - Two duds from Robin Williams, both these movies made Popeye look like a masterpiece.
Posted by: Bassnote | August 28, 2006 at 07:42 PM
I don't agree with everything that people have listed, and some movies are so bad they're good. But, one that's been forgotten...Turk 182 (1985). Timothy Hutton, Kim Cattrall and Robert Urich were in this one and you never hear any reference to it.
Posted by: Shelly | August 28, 2006 at 11:20 PM
I have to cast another vote for "Over the Top," the Sly Stallone arm-wrestling movie. At one point, did the whiny little kid really tell a bully, "your breath smells," or am I just imagining things?
Posted by: Damian P. | August 29, 2006 at 06:37 AM
Oh man, I actually liked a bunch of these so-called "worst" movies:
Porky's
Baby Boom
Grease 2
The Pirate Movie
She-Devil
Turk 182
Look Who's Talking
Harlem Nights
Friday the 13th
But I must agree with the rest of the choices, especially whomever listed "Gymkata". It was just dreadful! Even I didn't like this one and I like (some) bad movies AND I'm a martial arts movie buff.
Posted by: Six | August 29, 2006 at 03:07 PM
As always, I think of another...
I'll give you a hint....
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
FLASH!!!!!
Dum dum dum dum
AAaaaaaa...
Posted by: Greg Williams | August 29, 2006 at 03:46 PM
Greg, you wouldn't be singing a little "Queen" music here, would you? Hey, are you a Mistie, too?
Posted by: Producer Dave | August 29, 2006 at 09:58 PM
Porky's was an awesome movie. Not many movies have depicted 1950's Florida. Not quite Caddyshack or Fast Times, but up there.
Posted by: FMV | August 30, 2006 at 08:38 AM
Gymkata used to get me pumped up. Flash Gordon was the first movie my brothers and I ever rented for the sole purpose of ridiculing every frame. Doesn't a football scrimmage break out on Mars at some point?
How about "The Neverending Story"? Whiniest. Movie kid. Ever! Worse than Anakin, worse than that kid from Last Action Hero, just flat out bad.
Posted by: Ed | August 30, 2006 at 11:15 AM
Love the MST3k-ness, Producer Dave...
I'm kinda on the Joel side of it, though.
GymKATA!!!
Posted by: Greg Williams | August 30, 2006 at 12:30 PM
I worked in a movie theater from 1986-1988, so I saw a LOT of (free!) movies those years. Some were big stinkers, and worthy of inclusion here. First, I gotta agree wholeheartedly with earlier posters about Ishtar, Popeye, Flowers in the Attic and (most of all) Howard the Duck. Crap, all of them. I also suggest: The Toy (it was just plain creepy and annoying), Campus Man, Cat's Eye, Hello Again, Troop Beverly Hills (my disdain for Shelly Long is only surpassed by my hatred for Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley. They are beige, bland, horrid actors.) Angel Heart and Sweet Liberty round out the list, though I'm sure that I saw many more genuinely bad movies in the 80's that I have forced out of my memory as self preservation. There were some rank ones then!
Sherrie
Posted by: Sherrie | August 30, 2006 at 12:38 PM
How about the Breakin' movies. Those were so terrible!
Breakin' - Terrible
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - They return to inflict even more pain.
Remember Trick or Treat ? Eddie from Family Ties stars as a metal head that brings back Sammi Curr (played by a dancer who has since died) who comes out of wall outlets when you play his record backwards. Only cool part was Ozzie Osbourne playing a priest against rock music, and Gene Simmons as the DJ. Did have a cool soundtrack by Fastway.
Runaway - Gene Simmons plays the bad guy with a bunch of evil robot spiders and bullets that chase people. Tom Sellek is the hero - nuff said.
Posted by: Brad W. | August 31, 2006 at 08:49 AM
Enemy Mine, w/Dennis Quaid and Louis Gossett Jr.
Blech.
Posted by: Tonianne | August 31, 2006 at 11:40 AM
"No Retreat, No Surrender". Van Damme is in it as the bad guy. The acting is so bad it actually made me wince when I saw it.
Posted by: Walter Cox | August 31, 2006 at 02:27 PM
See, there you guys go again... lol
I liked (not loved):
Angel Heart
No Retreat No Surrender
Runaway
Posted by: Six | September 01, 2006 at 06:39 AM
Oh man, I'm all about "No Retreat No Surrender". Any movie with the dude who played Chubb in "Teen Wolf" is okay in my book.
How about a little hatred for "G.I. Joe: The Movie"?
Posted by: Max | September 01, 2006 at 10:35 AM
I'm suprised no one mentioned Maximum Overdrive. A bad movie that I love.
Posted by: powerage | September 03, 2006 at 07:32 PM
I'm with you on Maximum Overdrive, powerage. Who made who??? :D
Posted by: Six | September 05, 2006 at 12:50 PM
Ahhh, 'Howard The Duck'....;)
Good to see Im not the ONLY person that liked this bomb...if you want a TON of stuff related to this wonderfully bad film, check out the biggest fansite devoted to the Lucasfilm online, which I created! Includes screensavers, games, clips, sounds...even a 'trailer' for the 'sequel' I made...;)
http://www.geocities.com/cecinid/HowardIntro.html
K
Posted by: Kevin Karstens | September 07, 2006 at 12:51 AM
Absolute Beginners was a MAJOR disappointment for me--and I think many others. What a bloated self-important piece of crap.
Posted by: Susan | September 07, 2006 at 10:15 AM
What is funny is that several of these movies have had great music or soundtracks.
"Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie was a nice song.
"Maximum Overdrive" was basically a greatest hits collection for AC/DC, with the exception of "Who Made Who" and I think "DT"
"Breakin'" had a soundtrack my brother wore out when he got the cassette (remember those?)
"Flash Gordon" by Queen I used to have the vinyl (remember those?) 45. The instrumental song on the B side (can't remember the name) was the music for the football game Flash played with the guards. I listened to the B side more than the "Flash Gordon" theme ("Are your men on the right pills? Maybe you should execute their trainer...")
Paul McCartney's soundtrack for "Broad Street" I also remember getting a lot of airplay on MTV (remember that?). He also did the theme to "Spies Like Us" which I used to watch often growing up, but now I don't think I could stomach 5 minutes of it.
Posted by: Greg Williams | September 07, 2006 at 11:16 AM
Yes, David Bowie's song was the ONLY good thing about that movie! I think that in a lot of cases the 80's movie soundtracks blew away the actual movie. Anyone remember Less Than Zero? Absolutely AWFUL adaptation from a fantastic book--but that soundtrack was totally awesome! The Bangles' cover of Hazy Shade of Winter remains to this day one of my favorite songs.
Posted by: Susan | September 07, 2006 at 01:08 PM