Worst movies of the 80s: Nos. 71-80

And off we go with our list of Worst 80 Movies from the 80s. Today, we feature Nos. 71 through 80. Now don't freak out when you see the grandfather of all great 80s horror flicks at the #71 spot.

Today's biggest loser: Kevin Bacon (see movie #71). It's his only appearance on the Worst 80s list and it's for a movie that probably no one remembers him in. Sorry, Kevin. But we still love you in Footloose!

80. Road House (1989): Patrick Swayze, Kelly Lynch. Tagline: "Dalton's the best bouncer in the business. His nights are filled with fast action, hot music and beautiful women. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it." One critic said: "An ugly commingling of old Westerns, Zen chic and kung fu movies."

79. Endless Love (1981): Brooke Shields, Martin Hewitt. Tagline: "She is 15. He is 17." One critic said: "Does not seem to know its characters very well, and is a narrative and logical mess."

78. Wired (1989): Michael Chiklis, J.T. Walsh. Tagline: "For John Belushi, every night was Saturday night." One critic said: "A howling dog."

77. Oxford Blues (1984): Rob Lowe, Ally Sheedy. Tagline: "He fell in love with a girl and conned his way into Oxford University just to meet her. Now he's learning how to be a winner." One critic said: "The movie reeks from having been excised to a 98 minute running time, with some scenes being barely comprehensible as a result."

76. Invasion U.S.A. (1985): Chuck Norris, Richard Lynch. Tagline: "America wasn't ready...but HE was!" One critic said: "A brain-damaged, idiotic thriller, not even bad enough to be laughable."

75. UHF (1989): 'Weird Al' Yankovic, Michael Richards. Tagline: "TV as it was meant to be seen. In a movie theater." One critic said: "A comedy so dumb you're embarrassed to laugh."

74. Campus Man (1987): John Dye, Morgan Fairchild. Tagline: None found. Not a good sign. One critic said: "Even fans of cheesy Eighties teen flicks will come away disappointed."

73. No Holds Barred (1989): Hulk Hogan, Joan Severance. Tagline: "No Ring. No Ref. No Rules." One critic said: "I can even pretend that the Hulkster has any place scrubbing cineplex toilets, much less packing people into its theaters."

72. Haunted Honeymoon (1986): Gilda Radner, Gene Wilder. Tagline: "A Comedy Chiller." One critic said: "A dated, tatty comedy at heart."

71. Friday the 13th (1980): Betsy Palmer, Kevin Bacon. Tagline: "You may only see it once, but that will be enough." One critic said: "Badly acted, directed, written and performed teen
slasher with some memorable gore effects."

Comments

[Douglas Arthur]

as long as people are commenting on this one again...

UHF, I can see why some people might think this is a lousy movie, but I am not one of them. I nabbed the DVD the day it was released. It is insanely more quotable than Howard the Duck, which I guess is not saying much, but I just wanted to say something silly.

Perhaps a new list of top 80 Guilty Pleasures of the 80's? UHF would be in my top 10 along with Big Trouble In Little China.

[Spears]

Richards is great, but come on, Tim, you know that movie's a stinker.

[Tim]

UHF? Michael Richards at his lunatic best...I still quote the "You get to drink from the firehose" scene...

[Anonymous]

"Haunted Honeymoon?" I call bs on that. It's one of my silly, guilty pleasure movies. How dare you?

[Amy Devine]

"Friday the 13th" was bad in a lot of ways - ok, basically every way - but it did do a lot for the future of the horror genre...for better or worse...

I personally love it though. I think I've seen it more times than anybody really needs to.

One more thing: On the critic's comment, did he or she really need to use both "acted" and "performed"? Aren't they the same thing in the context of film?

[Christopher Roberts]

Oh come on. Road House was such great camp that it served as the basis of Tom Servo's great song, It's a Patrick Swayze Christmas, which was performed on Mystery Science Theater 3000's presentation of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Who could forget that?

[Eric Copeland]

"Friday the 13th" isn't Kevin Bacon's only appearance on this list--perhaps you forgot that you put "Quicksilver" at number 49.

BTW, "The Hotel New Hampshire" is my wife's favorite John Irving novel (I prefer "A Prayer for Owen Meany" myself), but the movie? It definitely deserves a spot here, if for no other reason than that it took a decent book, added the talents of the aforementioned Foster and Lowe, along with Beau Bridges, Amanda Plummer, Nastassja Kinski and a very young Seth Green (I'd guess more than a few of you missed him in that--better get to the video store quick, and in disguise), and still came up with a staggering mess.

[Joe Blevins]

I will join the chorus of voices and admit I enjoyed both "UHF" and "Road House" a lot. (Own both on DVD, actually, and am proud to have 'em in my collection.)

[Max Anderson]

I'm supposed to like Madonna as part of my membership to Gays Anonymous, but even I can't stomach Shanghai Surprise. I won't even eat it if it's on the menu!

[Max]

Jeff Healey's still working as a professional musician, and he owns a nightclub in Toronto (I have no idea how awesome his bouncer's mullet is, though). His website is http://jeffhealey.com/

[Six]

Jeff Healey is "the blind guy's" name. Sorry about that...

[Six]

Todd, I think he ripped his throat out, not his spine - but that would've been cool, too!

Hey, whatever happened to that blind guy who played the guitar in Road House? I liked him.

[Max]

You found seventy-two movies that are worse than No Holds Barred? I'm frightened.

[Steve Spears]

UHF actually was on a lot of critics' "worst-of" lists, though -- like many of the first 20 flicks on this list -- I have watched and enjoyed it.

I don't know what to say about Oxford Blues. Truth be told, if it came on TV right now, I'd quit everything I was doing to watch it start to finish.

[Damian P.]

Don't be knocking the great UHF! (Seriously, I even have that on DVD - which has one of the best audio commentaries ever, by the way.)

Peter Bart's book 'Fade Out,' about the fall of the once-mighty MGM studio, has a fascinating chapter that explains how the studio was conned into paying a ridiculous amount of money for 'Oxford Blues.'

[Steve Spears]

Nabila -- Yeah, that was deliberate. Glad you caught that one.

[chase]

Man, Road House is the reason I BECAME a professional bouncer.

jeez,

--chase

[Nabila]

Poor Rob Lowe - I loved him in class and The Outsiders, but he made some awful movies in the 80s, another being Hotel New Hampshire with Jodie Foster.

Steve Spears, is that a deliberate quote of The Wedding Singer (the part with Billy Idol on the aeroplane)?

[Todd Carruth]

How can you not like a movie that has Kelly Lynch with no clothes? Plus didn't Swayze rip the guy's spine out? Road House rules!

[Steve Spears]

I'll admit to watching UHF and Road House each time they're on TV too. But they were among the suggestions from our readers. And since we let our readers do pretty much whatever they want...

[David Pagano]

I like UHF.

[Bassnote]

So far there is nothing for me to disagree with.

[Six]

Road House??? Are you guys on crack??? I love Road House!!!

A bear fell on me!!!