Plunging down to the Land of the Lost

As Hollywood continues to recycle old TV shows into new movies over and over again, there's one TV show they've been missing out on that's sacred to anyone who grew up in the 80s. Let's see if these three names give it away: Marshall, Will and Holly.

Yes, I'm talking about Land of the Lost. And even though it was a late 70s show on Saturday mornings, I dare any of the early 80s gang out there to not sing along with me: "Marshall, Will and Holly, on a routine expedition, met the greatest earthquake ever known. High on the rapids, it struck their tiny raft. And plunged them down a thousand feet below."

The Sid and Marty Krofft classic ran from 1974 to 1976. Featuring the three lost human adventurers, a monkey boy named Chaka and lizard-like hissing henchmen called Sleestak, this has got to be ripe pickings for idea-starved movie makers, right?

According to the official Land of the Lost website (no, I'm not kidding), Universal currently holds the movie rights to the series and writers are busy putting together a script, with actor Will Ferrell set to star as Rick Marshall. (Fans of Kevin Smith movies will smirk, remembering that Ferrell played the character Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"). Adam McKay is attached to the project right now as director. (He also directed Ferrell in "Talladega Nights" and "Anchorman.")

As always, Stuck in the 80s has its own casting suggestions:

Rick Marshall (the dad): Go ahead and let Ferrell play him, on the condition that he has to be the straight guy this time around. No more Ricky Bobby or Ron Burgundy please. Think more along the lines of Frank the Tank from Old School. If Ferrell falls through, pick up David Hasselhoff.

Will Marshall (the son): How about Screech from Saved By The Bell? Dustin Diamond is apparently taking the Traci Lords path from porn to B-movies. But if you think I've picked the most obnoxious person to star in this movie, you're not even close yet. Because up next ...

Holly Marshall (the daughter): I'm going with Nicole Richie here. Why? Because she'll make Dustin Diamond's acting feel like Dustin Hoffman's. And because obviously, she needs the lunch money.

Chaka (monkey boy): Because very little makeup would be involved, I'm going with Clay Aiken. (Also in consideration: Leonardo DiCaprio and the little red-headed kid who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies.)

Sleestak: Did you know that former Pistons great Bill Laimbeer played one of the Sleestak on the show? No wonder they gave me nightmares. I say let Bill have his old job back.

Calling out Mr. Axl Rose

The Stuck in the 80s blog and podcast has been fortunate in the last few months to snag several cool 80s celebrity interviews: Adam Curry, Stan Ridgway, Patty Smyth and Rick Springfield. So when the news broke that Guns N' Roses was touring again and they planned a stop here in Tampa Bay at the St. Pete Times Forum, I immediately began to ponder the possibilities....

An interview with Axl Rose. Ahh, that's the flavor.

But I'm putting my money on this outcome: No way does Axl agree to meet with us. And I have my reasons (in list format, of course).

Five reasons Axl Rose wouldn't want to talk to Stuck in the 80s:

5. He doesn't need us. He's in the headlines plenty, albeit usually in some dark light. Anna Nicole Smith, Lindsey Lohan, Deborah Lafave, Kevin Federline ... they'd have to combine all their evil powers to reach Axl's level on his quietest day.

4. We're not his core audience anyway. Stuck in the 80s fans have distinctive tastes in music, preferring the pop and new wave that made the decade great. Not the whacked-out, West Coast whammy guitar rock that lead to the end of the 80s fun.

3. What album would he pimp during the interview? He's been working on "Chinese Democracy" since the days I feathered my hair back and wore navy blue corduroys. It's still nowhere close to being on store shelves. I guess I could ask questions about the rumors that he slept with Liza Minelli.

2. My bet? The show gets canceled anyway. Axl is a legendary no-show. In 2002, the band canceled a show in Vancouver at the last minute, sparking a riot. Their entire tour was later called off when Axl showed up late for a show in Philly.

1. In a fair, backstage pre-rockshow brawl, I'm thinking me and pop critic Sean Daly can easily take Axl and gang. Axl will be testy when he discovers I've gotten some mileage out of mocking him in on this blog. (Here and here and here.) But come fight night, they'd be hopped up on liquor and tiny cocktail sandwiches; Sean and I will be juiced on our usual preshow spread of lukewarm energy soda and sugar-injected Willy Wonka Runtz candy. No rope-a-dope needed for this one.

Come and get us, Axl. Oh and bring us a copy of that new CD if you can.

Olivia Newton-John vs. Linda Hamilton

Two of the sexiest screen sirens of the 80s share a birthday today: Olivia Newton-John (58) and Linda Hamilton (50). Don't let their ages fool you -- any testosterone-driven 80s fan would gladly crawl through broken glass for either of them. Paris Hilton will look more like her chihuahua than an actual human when she reaches their age.

But what if you had to choose to take just one out for a special birthday dinner?  Let's go to the stats:

Movies:
Olivia: Grease, Xanadu, Two of a Kind
Linda: The Terminator, Black Moon Rising, Mr. Destiny
Edge: Linda, since the only thing good about ONJ's later films is the music.

Secret talents:
Olivia: singing, roller-skating, grilling shrimp on the barbie.
Linda: personal training, advanced weaponry.
Edge: I'm couple-skating with Olivia.

Signature line:
Olivia: "Tell me about it ... Stud."
Linda: "Come on. Do I look like the mother of the future?"
Edge: We're hopelessly devoted to Olivia here.

Painful blowoff line:
Olivia: "Your a fake and a phony and I wish I never laid eyes on you. "
Linda: "You're terminated ..."
Edge: Ouch, I've had both those lines delivered to me. No winner here!

In real life:
Olivia: Latest boyfriend missing since fishing trip in 2005.
Linda: Married and divorced Terminator director James Cameron.
Edge: So, they're available, right? Tie again.

Final winner: Olivia Newton-John in a squeaker. Go queue up Grease and remember, if you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.

Podcast roadtrip, part 2

We're enjoying the rock-star life here at Stuck in the 80s, so we're hitting the road again this weekend for another public appearance and show taping. This Saturday night (Sept. 30), we'll be recording from the Tampa Theatre 80th anniversary party. The Balcony Club is throwing a "Pretty in Pink" bash -- actually an 80s-prom theme party, we're told. (Click here for details.) And Stuck in the 80s has been invited to record our weekly show from the event.

What do we have planned? We're going to mingle with the masses, my friends. We're bringing a boat-load of swag to giveaway to fans and winners of our 80s trivia challenges.

So pull out those John Hughes flicks and Police CDs and start studying. This is a chance for our local fans to appear on the show. Some possible trivia questions? Sure, here you go:

1. In the movie "Pretty in Pink," what's the name of the bar that Andie (Molly Ringwald) goes to with her friends?

2. Who plays the love interest of Marc Singer in the 1982 movie The Beastmaster?

3. On "Three's Company," what was the name of Jack Tripper's restaurant?

4. Name the NFL running back who broke the record for rushing yards in a single season in 1984.

5. What a cappella song won the Record of the Year Grammy in 1988?

We Are the 80s podcast now online

Our podcast chronicling our trip to the We Are the 80s concert last night in Clearwater, Fla. -- featuring an exclusive interview with Rick Springfield -- is now online. Click here to listen or click here to subscribe to the series for free on iTunes.

We started recording our show on the way to the concert, kept talking from our dressing room, from our seats, saving our comments about the show, interviewing fans and -- of course -- interviewing the bands that played, including Rick Springfield.

Some highlights from this week's show:
-- Times pop critic Sean Daly shares his embarrassing story about his first-ever concert back in Hersey, Pa.
-- In a phone interview before the day of the show, Patty Smyth tells us why she passed on the opportunity to join Van Halen, why the 80s still rule, and why hubby John McEnroe is the greatest guy in the world (thus crushing my aspirations to steal her away).
-- Our host at Ruth Eckerd Hall was Jill Holcombe, who kept the musicians streaming in and out of our dressing room all night. Without her, we'd have been lost. Plus, she kept giving us water and scores from the Gator game.
-- We sneak into Eddie Money's dressing room, and are shocked to find he only wants Wonder Bread, beef jerky and mustard to eat before the show.
-- A Springfield fan tells us she met Rick on her honeymoon back in 1984 -- and would have left her husband in a second if the Rickster had asked.
-- Loverboy visits with us in our dressing room. The rocking Canadians are real down-to-earth and we talked music and touring.
-- Right as the Loverboy boys sit down, Rick Springfield walked into our room. We freaked, not knowing what to do. So we asked Rick to come back in 10 minutes. We were shocked he didn't just blow us off.

-- As promised, Rick Springfield sat down with us and answered questions for 20 minutes. Wearing a gray t-shirt with a bunny and the words "I (heart) everyone," Rick was attentive and provided some GREAT answers to our questions. When it came time to get a photo with our hero, co-host Cathy Wos jumped inbetween Rick and Sean to get a closer snuggle of her heartthrob.

This podcast is a must-listen.

Our between-the-acts comments from our seats are amusing too. But if you want a little more detail about the actual music, here you go.

A quick of review of the night

Here's a quick rundown of the acts from last night's show:

Scandal: Patty Smyth and Scandal took the crowd by surprise with their set, wowing everyone with her strong vocals and their tight playing. The concert hall exploded with their signature tune The Warrior. She and the band stuck around afterward to sign autographs and mug for photos with fans in the concourse.

Loverboy: Someone on the sound board cranked the volume to 11 for the Loverboy set . So when vocalist Mike Reno hit the high notes -- and he does that quite well, thank you -- you get the feeling your brain is about to explode. They squeezed as many of their hits as possible into their 45 minutes. The highlight was "Working for the Weekend" -- the end-of-the-workweek anthem for the last 25 years. But it still sounded fantastic. That song was meant to be played live.

Eddie Money: Most of the time Eddie was on stage, the Stuck in the 80s gang was backstage interviewing Loverboy and Rick Springfield, so we caught his act over the music feed into our dressing room. I feel bad about that, but that's how things work out. He sounded great though and he was able to get all his hits into his show along with some covers of some oldies before his time. (By the way, his dressing room door had his real name -- Edward Mahoney --- on it, along with a photo that has to be from a high school yearbook.)

Rick Springfield: If you were in doubt who the show headliner was, it was erased here. Dressed in a black, sleeveless tux shirt, Rick hit the stage fast and furious. He got around to almost all his hits -- and a few newer songs for the fans -- singing half the songs from audience. Sipping red wine and hot tea (he had a cold that night), he told the fans he was looped on cough syrup and just wanted to have some fun. Mission accomplished.

For the full review of the show, along with interviews with the stars, download our podcast.

Oh my god! Rick Springfield!

I don't know what else to write, except maybe: Yeah, we just spent 20 minutes alone in our dressing room with Rick Springfield.

Cathy can't sit down yet. She's pacing the room, glowing, giving us the impression that something more than an interview was taking place. Sean's busy typing away his review of the shows tonight. We're distracting him by singing along with Eddie Money, who's performing one floor below us as we wrap things up here.

Some Springfield interview highlights:

-- Rick is indeed ill with a cold tonight, but he'll play on. He's canceled only one show before due to illness.

-- He's opening with a new song tonight, "What Killed Rock n' Roll." That ought to surprise his fans. And it shows some real moxy.

-- He's met the biggies in the music biz, including Paul McCartney and Elvis (even though he wasn't much of an Elvis fan at the time.)

That's about all for our live blogging tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. We'll catch Rick's show in about 20 minutes and then head back to the newspaper to produce the show and put it online before we go to bed. Eddie's singin' "Take Me Home Tonight" below us, so that must be our queue.

Thanks Patty Smyth, Mike Reno and Loverboy, Eddie and Rick. You made the 80s live again for us tonight.

Two bands down, two to go

Loverboy just left the stage here at the We Are The 80s tour and I can still hear "Working for the Weekend" rattling around my head. Loverboy was the very first band I saw in concert -- they opened for Journey back in 1981. And the rocked again tonight. I shook hands with Mike Reno on the way up here.

We're not sure on the crowd size here, but it looks like a full house.

Sean was distracted by the puddle of vomit in the row ahead of us. Not the sorta sight we expected at this show, but we appreciated the effort.

Our host here at the concert hall just walked in to tell us that Rick Springfield has arrived and will be up to see us in 15 minutes.

Waiting for our first guest

Hello again from backstage at tonight's We Are the 80s show in Clearwater. They just opened the doors for fans below us, and we're expecting our first musician visit -- Patty Smyth -- any minute now.

We continue to make trips up and down the hall, peeking inside dressing rooms and just enjoying the experience. Here's Loverboy's dressing room, just two doors down from us.

Greetings from backstage

Hey 80s fans -- your Stuck in the 80s crew is now finally backstage in our own dressing room at Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater, Fla., for tonight's "We Are The 80s" concert. Sean's pacing around, sweating and shooting out ideas for our podcast later tonight.

Meanwhile, we got some bad news: Rick Springfield is feeling a bit ill tonight. He's still performing tonight, but we won't be meeting with him until 9:15 -- not before the show as we thought.

We just snuck into Eddie Money's dressing room and checked out his spread. Not exactly what you'd expect.

The big day arrives

Tonight is the big "We Are The 80s" show here in Tampa Bay, Florida, and the Stuck in the 80s roadcrew is busy getting ready for our backstage podcast. Rick Springfield has pledged to spend a half hour with us before he takes the stage, and we're hoping to have visits with Loverboy, Eddie Money and Patty Smyth, who spoke with me earlier this week.

We'll try to keep the "Dr. Noah Drake" questions to a minimum and ask the Rickster about his music -- both then and now. If you haven't been keeping track of him, Springfield recently released a CD of cover songs -- The Day After Yesterday, including outstanding versions of "Life In A Northern Town" and "Under The Milky Way."

We'll try to post some blog items live from backstage, but if we can't, come back later tonight for our online review of the show, photos from backstage and our special podcast, which should be online by about 2 a.m. Sunday.

If you're planning to attend the show, look for Cathy, Sean and me in the audience. We should have our audio podcasting equipment with us, making us fairly easy to spot. Come say hello and we'll put you on the show.

We're a mere 8 hours away from the curtain rising now. Let the frivolity begin.

Spaceballs the cartoon?

The 1987 sci-fi takeoff -- I won't dare say classic -- Spaceballs is coming to cable TV as a cartoon. The guy network G4 will begin airing the animated series in 2007. Mel Brooks, who created the movie, will help write the first 13 episodes and reprise his voicing of two characters -- President Skroob and Yogurt.

If I am forced to find 5 great lines from the movie, here they are:
5. "It's not that we're afraid, far from it, it's just that we've got this thing about death... It's not us!"
4. "Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago."
3. Out of order? Even in the future, nothing works!"
2. "Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess."
1. "So, Lord Helmet, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time."

80s concert roadtrip!

We're taking our Stuck in the 80s podcast on the road this week -- granted it's only about 15 minutes north of here. This Saturday night, Sept. 23, we'll be recording our show from the "We Are The 80s" tour stop in Clearwater, Fla. For our local fans, it's at Ruth Eckerd Hall.

The concert features Rick Springfield, Eddie Money, Loverboy and Scandal. We've already recorded an interview with Patty Smyth from Scandal and are working to get some more surprise interviews for the show.

We'll be recording on the trip to the show, from our seats and from backstage. And the best news: We'll have the show online and ready to listen to later that night.

What else can you expect from us? I'm afraid to even speculate. Now that podcast co-host Sean Daly is an award-winning critic, he might demand his own dressing room and Fritos bowl. If you're in the Tampa Bay area, come join us at the show and we'll get your voice on the podcast too.

Viva la 80s, baby.

Patty Smyth still rocks (She is The Warrior afterall)

I'm listening to the audio from my podcast interview today with Patty Smyth, the 80s singer and lead vocalist for Scandal, and -- before she answers the phone -- I'm so nervous that you can hear each breath gurgle through my lungs onto the microphone set up before me. If I turn up the volume, I'm certain you can hear the blood gushing quickly through from my head to my stomach and back.

Turns out, all the anxiety was for nothing, because Patty Smyth was more than comfortable being stuck in the 80s with me.

"We are stuck in the 80s, aren't we? And we can't get out!" she starts. "I've been here for 20 years!"

That's the 80s for you: One big welcoming family.

Smyth and Scandal have been traveling around the country on VH1's "We Are The 80s" tour with Eddie Money, Loverboy and Rick Springfield. The tour makes its next stop Saturday night (Sept. 23) at Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater, Fla., and the Stuck in the 80s podcast team will be taping an episode from the show.

"I like doing it with a couple different bands," Smyth says of the touring adventure. "Loverboy is great and Mike Reno sings his butt off. They're sweet guys and they play great. It's fun watching them. It's fun for us."

The whole tour might not have happened without goading of VH1. A few years ago, the cable music network surprised Smyth and the band by featuring them on an episode of "Bands Reunited." A best-of CD also was released for the occasion.

"I don't think Scandal would have gotten back to together ... it wasn't in my mind at all," she confesses. "I wasn't that familiar with the show, so I didn't know who they were." It was her daughter, who was present at the show's ambush of Smyth at a SoCal restaurant, who talked Patty into agreeing to reunite on the show.

At the televised reunion, the band members "sat around for two hours and talked and it was like group therapy," she said. "It was a real joyful reunion. When we played, it was like 20 years hadn't gone by. We decided we wanted to do more of it because it was so fun."

Fans attending her show can expect to join in the fun with hits like "The Warrior," "Goodbye To You" and "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" on the set list.

Smyth also confirmed the juiciest rumor about her in the 80s: She was indeed invited to join the rock band Van Halen after singer David Lee Roth left. "It was like an urban myth, but it was true," she says.

Eddie Van Halen came to a Scandal show one night and ended up jumping on the tour bus and traveling with them for three days before he popped the question. But Smyth was eight months pregnant when she was asked to make a final decision.

"It was just not the right time for me," she says now. "I was a New Yorker, I didn't want to live in L.A. ... and those guys were drunk and fighting all the time."

In retrospect, she says, she should have given it a little more thought. "I would have liked to have done one record with him."

The only other regret Smyth has is keeping the fans waiting so long. "Person after person keeps coming up and saying they've been 20 years for this, and it makes me feel bad," she says. So now, her plan is to stay in the spotlight and keep making and playing music.

"I'll just keep doing it until they say, 'OK, stop."

That's something that's not likely to happen anytime soon.

[VH1's "We Are The 80s, featuring Rick Springfield, Eddie Money, Loverboy and Scandal: Saturday, 7 p.m., Ruth Eckerd Hall, (727) 791-7400. To hear more from Patty Smyth, stay tuned for upcoming "Stuck in the 80s Goes To A Concert" episode.]

Bands Reunited: Some dream reunions

VH1's "Bands Reunited" series was my favorite non-music programming on the now-non Music Television empire. I watched nearly every episode. One that I wish I'd seen was the episode on Scandal and Patty Smyth, one of the true vocal gems of the 80s. The Stuck in the 80s podcast is interviewing Patty on Tuesday as part of an upcoming episode of the show, so we'll ask her what it was like to be ambushed on camera (among many other more important things).

But that got me thinking: If I were able to coax any band into reuniting for just one show (and giving me a seat front-row center for the performance), who would it be:

Stuck in the 80s' list of dream band reunions:

5. Frankie Goes To Hollywood: The lads from Liverpool appeared on Bands Reunited, but didn't play when singer Holly Johnson opted out. I was crushed.

4. Oingo Boingo: Calling Danny Elfman. Attention, Mr. Elfman. Please set down your career as a movie score producer for a few months and play tunes like "Only A Lad" and "No Spill Blood" again. (Halloween is just around the corner -- what perfect timing.)

3. Styx: They're playing Tampa this coming Saturday with Foreigner and Foghat, but without Dennis DeYoung, it's just a cover band. No offense, but no thanks.

2. Journey: They come to town here in Tampa Bay regularly, but without Steve Perry, it's not the same band I saw in my very first concert back in Oct. 22, 1981 at the Lakeland Civic Center. (Escape tour. Classic. In fact, I'm not sure even adding Steve would be able to top that show.)

1. Dead Kennedys: My favorite punk band of all time just doesn't cut without Jello Biafra on lead vocals. I can only imagine with delight the chaos that'd be caused at trying to ambush Jello with VH1 cameras.

Anyone else have some personal additions to the list?

Depeche Mode on the World Trade Center

Here's a rare video that's been making the rounds on the Internet this week: Depeche Mode playing "Enjoy the Silence" on the observation deck of the south tower of the World Trade Center in New York.

The video reportedly was done for French TV. Of course, it wasn't the original version of the video. That one features vocalist David Gahan dressed as a king, roaming the countryside with a folding chair. That was awkward enough before seeing this newer version.

Latest criminal ripoff of 80s: Julio Iglesias CD

Julio Iglesias has a new CD out. (Who cares?) It's full of covers of some of our most beloved 80s classics. (Blasphemy!)

It pains me to even report this news. I was minding my own business this morning, watching "Tora Tora Tora" on TV when an infomercial for his "Romantic Classics" CD broke the bad news to me. And I thought Paul Anka's pillaging of 80s tunes last year was the last of the great war crimes.

Some of the Julio's covers: Wham!'s "Careless Whispers," The Car's "Drive," and two tunes from Foreigner -- Waiting for a Girl Like You and  I Want To Know What Love Is.

How do they sound? Check it out on his website. It's like a skit on Saturday Night Live. Personally, I don't care if he rips off every Foreigner song in the book -- I'm no big fan of their 80s work. But reworking "Drive" is akin to Madonna crucifying herself in the Sistine Chapel on Good Friday. (Oh, please, don't pass that suggestion on to her, unless you're sure they'll finally arrest her.)

Someone ought to tell Julio that "Drive" isn't a love song. Maybe Ric Ocasek could show up on his doorstep one night, break down his door and force him to actually read the lyrics. In the meantime, I'll have to find a safer channel to watch on Sunday mornings.

Top 10 Worst Movies of the 80s (aka Stallone Appreciation Day)

If the three movies by Stallone doesn't give it away, welcome to the Top 10 of our 80 Worst Movies of the 80s list. Write these down and run to your collection of videos and DVDs. Do you own any of these? If so, please immediately go to the garage, find the biggest hammer you own and beat your home entertainment system into little tiny bits.

Today's biggest loser: Sylvester Stallone, come on down! With nearly a third of the movies on the top 10 list, you own this list. I'm having all comments forwarded to his agent.

(Click here to see lists for worst sequels and worst movies 11-20, 21-30, 31-40, 41-50, 51-60, 61-70, 71-80)

10. Absolute Beginners (1986): Eddie O'Connell, David Bowie. Tagline: "Welcome to the world of your dreams!" One critic said: "Totally forgettable songs, dance numbers, and a ridiculous plot make Absolute Beginners look like absolute junk."

9. Yentl (1983): Barbra Streisand, Mandy Patinkin. Tagline: "Nothing's Impossible." One critic said: " In a back room of an Ivy League library somewhere there is a fetishist who desperately tries to think of anything besides this film."

8. Cobra (1986): Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen. Tagline: "Crime is the disease. Meet the Cure." One critic said: "Keep in mind that even most Stallone fans can't sit through it, so be sure to think long and hard before investing 90 minutes of your life in Marion Cobretti."

7. Heartbeeps (1981): Andy Kaufman, Bernadette Peters. Tagline: "Be on the lookout for this gang of misfit robots." One critic said: "An overlooked, nearly forgotten film that deserves to stay that way."

6. The Pirate Movie (1982): Kristy McNichol, Christopher Atkins. Tagline: "Buckle Your Swash and Jolly Your Roger for the Funniest Rock 'N Rollickin' Adventure Ever!" One critic said: "What Gilbert & Sullivan's [Pirates Of Penzance] would look and sound like if it were rewritten by a boy-crazed middle-schooler who'd rather drool over John Travolta in Grease for the 50th time than suffer through anything close to opera.

5. Defcon-4 (1985): Lenore Zann, Maury Chaykin. Tagline: none. One critic said: "When your film is ultimately going to be compared to superior post-nuclear holocaust genre pictures like The Last Man on Earth and The Omega Man, what chance beyond a good ad campaign do you really have to be remembered?"

4. Rhinestone (1984): Sylvester Stallone, Dolly Parton. Tagline: "A rip roaring, hard lovin' comedy hit with wonderful new songs by Dolly Parton." One critic said: "It is a tossup as to whether Dolly Parton's original songs or Sylvester Stallone's original dialogue is closer in essence to fingernails being drawn across a slate blackboard. "

3. Ishtar (1987): Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman. Tagline: none. One critic said: "A truly dreadful film, a lifeless, massive, lumbering exercise in failed comedy.

2. Over The Top (1987): Sylvester Stallone, Robert Loggia. Tagline: "Some fight for money... Some fight for glory... He's fighting for his son's love." One critic said: "A movie about arm-wrestling. What's next? Crab soccer?"

1. Gymkata (1985): Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani. Tagline: "The skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate." One critic said: "Gymkata is based on a book titled "The Terrible Game." There is truth in advertising here."

In case you're wondering about which movies just narrowly missed being include on the full list of 80s movies, here are a few: Burglar, BMX Bandits, Flowers In The Attic, Hot Pursuit, Cat's Eye, Hello Again, Sweet Liberty, Trick or Treat and Enemy Mine.

Hope you enjoyed the effort. As always, have a field day with your comments. And if you're the kind of reader who enjoy "worst-of" lists, click here to see every worst-of list I've written in the last year!

Jump on it!

Not 80s related, but this is the funniest photo blog ever: http://www.bedjump.com/

Just a Friday night treat from the Stuck in the 80s gang. You are free to go back to the John Hughes commentary of Ferris Bueller.

Ready to go Back to the Future?

Our gala Back to the Future episode of Stuck in the 80s is now online. Click here to listen or click here to subscribe to the entire series for free on iTunes.

In this episode ... actually, I don't remember what happens in this episode. We recorded it last week and it's been so long now I don't remember what we said. I do remember waking up last Friday morning, covered in Cheerios and Velvetta cheese slices, muttering something about how Huey Lewis couldn't take Christopher Lloyd in a fair knife fight. But that might not have even been related to the podcast.

Next week's show: The Cure. (Not the band, the cure for whatever made me write that last paragraph.)

Keep telling yourself you don't love these movies: Worst 80 movies of the 80s (Nos. 11-20)

Readers of the blog were beginning to wonder if there were truly 20 more movies worst than the 60 we've spotlighted so far. Yes. Yes, there are.

Today's biggest loser: Maybe me, since I used to own the Xanadu and Jazz Singer soundtracks on vinyl. But I'm not ashamed: Gotta love ELO and Neil Diamond. I consider "Sweet Caroline" the ultimate karaoke song (followed closely by  ELO's "Evil Woman.")

(Click here to see lists for worst sequels and worst movies 21-30, 31-40, 41-50, 51-60, 61-70, 71-80)

20. Under the Cherry Moon (1986): Prince, Jerome Benton. Tagline: none. One critic said: "It's bad. But the real question is—is it so bad that it's good?"

19. Who's That Girl (1987): Madonna, Griffin Dunne. Tagline: "A funny thing happened on the way to the bus station." One critic said: "Let's call it an experimental work. What kind of experiment is it? The kind conducted in that obscure branch of science where they try to mate monkeys with shellfish."

18. Red Sonja (1985): Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brigitte Nielsen. Tagline: "A woman and a warrior that became a legend." One critic said: "One of those sword and sandals movies where you can only enjoy it if you appreciate the aesthetics of ineptness."

17. Heaven's Gate (1980): Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken. Tagline: "What one loves about life are the things that fade." One critic said: "It is the most scandalous cinematic waste I have ever seen, and remember, I've seen Paint Your Wagon."

16. Can't Stop the Music (1980): Steve Guttenberg, the Village People. Tagline: "The Movie Musical Event of the 80s." One critic said: "You think you're brave because you've seen movies which have won the Golden Raspberry Award for worst film? Feh. I just sat through the film which inspired the Golden Raspberry Awards, after their founder saw it on a double bill with Xanadu."

15. The Jazz Singer (1980): Neil Diamond, Laurence Olivier. Tagline: "His story will make you cry. His music will make you sing." One critic said: "Hokey and contrived and air-brushed, just like Neil Diamond's music."

14. Maximum Overdrive (1986): Emilio Estevez, Pat Hingle. Tagline: "Evil's wheels." One critic said: "The Andretti family's worst nightmare. I imagine they fled the theater in terror, prophesizing this as a sign of the apocalypse."

13. Leonard Part 6 (1987): Bill Cosby, Tom Courtenay. Tagline: "Action! Adventure! Aggravation!" One critic said: "You know things are bad when you can't get a laugh with a wiener."

12. Xanadu (1980): Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly. Tagline: "Where time stops and the magic never ends." One critic said: "A mushy and limp musical fantasy, so insubstantial it keeps evaporating before our eyes.

11. Howard the Duck (1986): Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones. Tagline: "A new breed of hero." One critic said: "Too scary for children and too silly for adults."

Don't believe this list - Scott Baio rules: Worst movies of the 80s (21-30)

I know what you're thinking: This list of Worst 80 movies of the 80s is never going to end. I felt the same way when I was watching these movies. My least favorite on today's list: Yes, Giorgio. I have no idea why I watched it -- all the way through nonetheless. I guess I'm just a big fan of the Eddie Albert movies or the romantic-opera genre.

I will, however, rush to the defense of Zapped! -- a movie whose soundtrack I once owned and a flick I wouldn't have included on this list, except we got enough votes to almost push it onto the Top 10. How can anyway hate a movie with pot, prom, salami and excessive nudity?

Today's biggest loser: I can't pick Gene Simmons -- my favorite member of KISS has a lifetime pass against any zingers from this blog. I'm staying away from Scott Baio too. So that leaves me with Luciano Pavarotti, who should have known better than to try real acting.

(Click here to see lists for worst sequels and worst movies 31-40, 41-50, 51-60, 61-70, 71-80)

30. Zapped! (1982): Scott Baio, Willie Aames. Tagline: "The comedy that won't let you down!" One critic said: "My dear friends, you haven't lived until you've seen the Naked Prom of Insanity that is ZAPPED!"

29. Illegally Yours (1988): Rob Lowe, Colleen Camp. Tagline: "After all, what's a little blackmail, burglary, perjury and murder amongst friends?" One critic said: "Watching Rob Lowe pester a suffering woman on the flimsiest of pretexts isn't at all funny."

28. She-Devil (1989): Meryl Streep, Roseanne Barr. Tagline: "Revenge Is Sweet... And Low." One critic said: "Cartoony and sour and misanthropic."

27. Runaway (1984): Tom Selleck, Gene Simmons. Tagline: "It Is The Future. He fought the horror of robots programmed to kill." One critic said: "Horrible set design, amateurish direction, too predictable a script, and a score so phony, it’ll have you wishing they’d just bought the rights to “Runaway” by Bon Jovi so they could play it over and over again."

26. Deal of the Century (1983): Chevy Chase, Sigourney Weaver. Tagline: "They sell second-rate weapons to third world nations." One critic said: "Chevy Chase labors manfully, but once again he hasn't been asked to play a character, he's been asked to play Chevy Chase."

25. Doctor Detroit (1983): Dan Aykroyd, Howard Hesseman. Tagline: "He's making the world safe for insanity." One critic said: "This would have been a lame idea for a five minute skit on Saturday Night Live, so when stretched out to 90 minutes, the results often encroach into excruciatingly stupid."

24. Satisfaction (1988): Justine Bateman, Liam Neeson. Tagline: "One Band. One Dream. One Summer." One critic said: "All through this movie I was compelled to yell at the screen 'Mallory!'"

23. Hot To Trot (1988): Bob Goldthwait, Dabney Coleman. Tagline: "The funniest talking horse movie ever!" One critic said: "An unbridled disaster, a screwball horseplay so lame you want to put it out of its misery. 'Equus' is funnier."

22. Mac and Me (1988): Christine Ebersole, Jonathan Ward. Tagline: "Out of this world and into your heart." One critic said: "Forget about calling home; E.T., call lawyer."

21. Yes, Giorgio (1982): Luciano Pavarotti, Kathryn Harrold. Tagline: None. One critic said: "Falling into the same category where one would place the films of Kate Smith and Liberace."

Big surprise: Whitney Houston wants a divorce

Of all of Whitney Houston's problems, who would have thought being married to a one-hit wonder would be the one she handled first? That's right. Whitney Houston wants to end her 14-year marriage to Bobby Brown. No more his-and-her drug spoons? Who will they get to bail each other out of jail? Or bum rides to get home from rehab stints?

Somewhere deep inside, I'm left with only the feeling that the marriage lasted THIS long because she took the "over" bet (+14 years) at Caesar's. Imagine the payoff.

Still, I don't think this is even the biggest celebrity break-up this year.

Top 5 celebrity breakups in 2006 (so far):
5. Tom Cruise and Reality
4. Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong
3. Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora
2. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown
1. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock (any second now, trust me)

As our list of 80 Worst Movies of the 80s marches on, you might be noticing a trend: a lack of sequels. That's because you could almost create an entirely separate list of the worst sequels of the 80s. (You could also create a whole list for Steve Guttenberg.) So until the regular list of bad movies returns from break, consider this a warmed-up meal of leftovers.

Today's biggest losers: Millions of movie fans who wish they could take back all the money we spent over those 10 years.

20 Worst Sequels of the 80s:

20. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982): "And now the earth will run with blood again!"

19. Poltergeist III (1988): "If you remember how the Poltergeist ghouls knocked a house flat, wait till you see what they do to a Chicago skyscraper!"

18. Smokey and the Bandit III (1983): "Smokey's Back! And The Bandit is at it again!"

17. The Gods Must Be Crazy II (1989): "This time, everybody's going crazier."

16. Porky's II: The Next Day and Porky's Revenge: "The Pig Strikes Back!"

15. Rocky IV (1985): "He Could Have Stopped The Fight. He Could Have Saved His Best Friend's Life. But Now, The Only Thing He Can't Do Is Walk Away."

14. Police Academy 2 through 604: "To protect, to serve... and make you laugh. America's funniest crimebusters are back!"

13.  Jaws: The Revenge (1987): "This time... It's personal."

12. The Karate Kid, Part III (1989): "First it was teacher to student. Then it was father to son. Now, it's man to man."

11. Ghostbusters II (1989): "The Superstars of the Supernatural are back. And this time, it's no marshmallow roast."

10. Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984): "Believe in the beat that's on the street, it's hoppin' and poppin', they're breakin' and lockin'."

9. Teen Wolf Too (1987): "High school was easy.  But college is a whole different ANIMAL."

8. National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985): "For over two thousand years, Europe has survived many great disasters. Now for the real test. Chevy Chase & his family are coming from America!"

7. Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers (1984): "They saw Paris. They saw France. They saw the Queen in her underpants."

6. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989): "The Enterprise is back. This time, have they gone too far?"

5. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987): "This is Superman's greatest battle. And it is for all of us."

4. Grease 2 (1982): "Grease is still the word!"

3. Caddyshack II (1988): "Home of the rich and tasteless."

2. Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988): "No Money. Still Funny."

1. Staying Alive (1983): "Tony Manero knows the old days are over - But nobody's gonna tell him he can't feel that good again."

Nicole Richie's dad has a new CD

I think I'd just about light myself on fire if someone came up to me and said, "Oh, you're Nicole Richie's dad." Couple of reasons. First, I have no kids that I know of. Second, I'm convinced that the real axis of evil today is Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline (now that Star Jones Reynolds has been rightfully placed in a Guantanamo Bay gulag.)

Somehow, bravely, Lionel Richie manages to struggle forth. Today, the genius (ok, the voice anyway) behind "Say You, Say Me" and "Dancing on the Ceiling" is releasing a new CD -- "Coming Home" -- which according to early press reviews sounds like "vintage Richie." (That's either a good or bad thing -- but based on that, you're going to run out and buy it or just run out.)

Will the five-time Grammy winner strike gold again? To do so, he needs to find his old audience. Richie laments to the New York Times that he's known today to young music fans only as a celebrity dad: "They have no idea who I am or what I've done."

We remember, Mr. Richie! And so we give you our list of favorite tunes:

Top 5 songs -- god help me -- by Lionel Richie:
5. Penny Lover: "Girl a love like yours is hard to resist"
4. Running with the Night: "Taking every shot, we took the town"
3. All Night Long: "Were going to party, karamu, fiesta, forever"
2. Say You, Say Me: "Seems the hardest thing to do is to find a friend or two"
1. Endless Love: "Two hearts that beat as one" ... If the song is good enough for "Happy Gilmore," it's good enough for Stuck in the 80s.

Swayze's a chump, but Burt takes today's title: Worst movies of the 80s (Nos. 31-40)

I'm still taking lumps for adding Dirty Dancing yesterday to our list of Worst 80 movies of the 80s. But I will not retreat! It's awful. Swayze's manic character alternates randomly between dancing stud and insecure, wimpy boyfriend. And he does the best acting of the movie! OK, I'll chill.

Today's biggest loser: Burt Reyonds -- boy, you didn't that coming, did ya? -- has two dogs today. Though I'm thinking he could have more flicks on this list -- if we could even remember any of the titles.

(Click here to see lists for 41-50, 51-60, 61-70, 71-80)

40. A View to a Kill (1985): Roger Moore, Christopher Walken. Tagline: "Adventure Above And Beyond All Other Bonds." One critic said: "This 007 is more in need of Geritol than Q's high tech gadgetry."

39. Tango & Cash (1989): Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell. Tagline: "Two of L.A.'s top rival cops are going to have to work together... Even if it kills them." One critic said: "All the suppressed homosexuality of the buddy movie genre ... A pathetically juvenile screenplay."

38. Rent-A-Cop (1987): Burt Reynolds, Liza Minnelli. Tagline: "Deadlier than Dirty Harry, faster than Cobra." One critic said: "A collision between a relationship and a cliche, and the cliche wins."

37. Give My Regards to Broad Street (1984): Paul McCartney, Bryan Brown. Tagline: "The Movie, The Musical, The McCartney Magic." One critic said: "You never believe that a movie like Broad Street is as bad as everyone says until you sit through the thing yourself."

36. Revolution (1985): Al Pacino, Donald Sutherland. Tagline: "A Nation Forged In Blood." One critic said: "Who on Earth thought Al Pacino could possibly be an appropriate choice to play a supposedly Scottish fur trader in colonial New York?"

35. Harlem Nights (1989): Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor. Tagline: "They're up to something big." One critic said: "A vanity production if ever there was one, launched on behalf of a star with vast amounts of vanity to soothe."

34. Vice Versa (1988): Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage. Tagline: "The comedy about not acting your age." One critic said: "A plot that's becoming as regular as the spokeswoman for California prunes."

33. Shanghai Surprise (1986): Sean Penn, Madonna. Tagline: "A romantic adventure for the dangerous at heart." One critic said: "There have been so many bad Madonna movies by now that Shanghai Surprise is simply another one to contribute to the pile."

32. Youngblood (1986): Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze. Tagline: "To Youngblood, winning wasn't everything - proving himself was." One critic said: "A slow, low-energy movie with a cliché-ridden script."

31. Switching Channels (1988): Kathleen Turner, Burt Reynolds. Tagline: "Tonight's News. Romance. Scandal. Intrigue. And that's just behind the camera!" One critic said: "When the source material is as funny as The Front Page, it is unusually difficult in an adaptation to eradicate all of the laughs, but Switching Channels comes pretty close."

Can't Fight This Feeling anymore: I need to stop dreaming about 1985

There are several disadvantages to being stuck in the 80s: I'm culturally detached; coworkers mock my usual attire of navy blue corduroys, white Nikes and a REO Speedwagon concert jersey; I have to pay my stylist extra to give my hair that feathered look. And sometimes it's the ridiculous dreams that wake me up at 3:16 in the morning.

Tonight's dream: I somehow agree to attend the 20th anniversary celebration of my senior prom. Only it's held at Six Flags Over Oklahoma (I'm not sure this place even exists) in Oklahoma City. So I'm forced to fly to this event. I miss three flights because I can't find a parking space at the airport. I finally make it to Oklahoma -- remember, I went to high school in Florida -- about midnight the day before the event.

In the dream, my prom date -- then and now -- is a petite English girl who's too shy to talk to me. In this case, I think I'm channeling the date of my friend Clay, who double-dated with me at my actual prom, since my date then was really from Sweden. (Clay, of course, is nowhere to be seen. He's savvy enough to not make appearances in prom dreams.)

The same exact limo driver from my 1985 prom is there to drive us to Six Flags. He even recognizes me. He gives us a cooler full of raspberry lambic beer to drink on the trip, but insists we drink it out of glass beakers that we used in chemistry class. My date has yet to say a word to me when we pull into Six Flags, which resembles a road-side tourist stop in Central Mexico. (They're even promoting an all-you-can-eat taco dinner for $3.)

Thankfully about this time, I woke up. I guess I'll never know if the prom theme was the same -- "Can't Fight This Feeling" -- as it was in 1985. Or if the night ended again with Clay passing out again on the driveway of our friend's house at 2 a.m. One thing's for sure: I've got a real hankering right now for some raspberry lambic and ballads by REO.