Sin City? Wait 'til Jacko settles in

Which one of these things hasn't made a home in Las Vegas: Gambling, organized crime, legalized prostitution, year-round Celine Dion shows and Michael Jackson.

Ah, trick question. The correct answer is legalized prostitution, which happens to be illegal in Clark County (where Vegas is), but is legal elsewhere in Nevada.

So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Wacko Jacko is now the newest resident of Sin City (how appropriate). Reports on the web indicate that Jackson is mulling offers to perform at some of the larger casinos.

No further details are available yet on exact offers, so allow Stuck in the 80s to hypothesize a little:

The resort: Excalibur
The pitch: Given Michael's "attraction" to young children, this family-friendly resort with the King Arthur theme might be an inappropriate match. But maybe if repackaged as "Spend the Knight with Michael," it'd work.
Odds of signing a deal: Better luck at Keno

The resort: Imperial Palace
The pitch: Home to the strip's best celebrity impersonator show, Imperial Palace can send his look-alike to fill in for him on nights when Jacko doesn't want to leave his oxygen cocoon.
Odds of signing a deal: Fortune cookie says "Don't hold your breath."

The resort: The Venetian
The pitch: Already home to the Phantom of the Opera musical, Jackson could just step in, borrow the mask and play the phantom any time he felt like it. No makeup now required for the ghastly expression when the mask is removed.
Odds of signing a deal: Better chance of getting booked at Olive Garden.

The resort: Luxor
The pitch: Jackson wouldn't perform here, but would merely take over the role as the mummifed King Tut in the hotel's Egypt exhibition while recovering from his next bout of surgery.
Odds of signing a deal: I don't care if he once was the King of Pop, the pharaohs would not be pleased.

The resort: Las Vegas Hilton
The pitch: The hotel that once hosted Elvis Presley's big comeback special can now see if lightning strikes twice. Plus, as home to the Star Trek Experience, Jacko's plastic surgery fiascoes will merely have guests thinking he's one of the Klingons.
Odds of signing a deal: Viva, viva Las Vegas. We have a winner.

'Wait ... there are 2 other girls at Ridgemont who have cultivated the Pat Benatar look'

Pat Benatar is hitting the road again this spring and summer. The tour begins in March in Connecticut, meanders through the Midwest and into California in July and finished up in Shirley, N.Y., in mid-August. (Click here for tour dates from Pollstar.com)

The tour includes the usual slate of House of Blues and casino shows, but that's a good thing. I'm a firm believer that catching our heroes in smaller venues is the way to go. And pencil me for catching Benatar if she gets anywhere close to Florida (right now, it's not in the plans.)

There's only one way to really get in the mood for a little Benatar. Queue up a classic video. And this certainly has to be her most famous:

For extra credit, can anyone name the students at Ridgemont High who "cultivated" the Benatar look?

Not part of his speech: 'When do those Earth Wind & Fire tickets get in?'

Forest Whitaker is now is the proud owner of an Academy Award for Best Actor for his role as Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland. A tear of joy rolls down the collective cheek of 80s fans as we sigh, "I remember him as...."

• "Charles Jefferson" in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
• "Balldozer" in Vision Quest (1985)
• "Amos" in The Color on Money (1986)
• "Big Harold" in Platoon (1986)
• "Pfc. Edward Garlick" in Good Morning Vietnam (1987)
• "Charlie Parker" in Bird (1988)
• "Rawlins" in Bloodsport (1988)

Oh my, how time has passed. Come to think of it, now three cast members of Fast Times at Ridgemont High have won Oscars -- Whitaker, Sean Penn (Mystic River in 2003) and Nicolas Cage (Leaving Las Vegas in 1995).

Which of the remaining cast members is most likely to win an Oscar next? (I warn you: Don't hold your breath). Here are the latest odds:

• Jennifer Jason Leigh ("Stacy"): Even money
• Judge Reinhold ("Brad"): 20 to 1
• Phoebe Cates ("Linda"): 50 to 1
• Robert Romanus ("Damone"): 500 to 1
• Brian Backer ("Rat"): 900 to 1
• Ray Walston ("Mr. Hand"): Off the board 

Giving love (and podcasting) a bad name

Our latest podcast -- the special Anti-Valentine Show -- is now online. Click here to download it, or click here to subscribe to all our shows for free on iTunes.

Some show highlights:

• The best bad-love music of the 80s
• Times pop music critic Sean Daly acts ... shy?
• A name-that-80s-tune challenge that was so easy, at least 10 people have submitted the correct answer so far. (Sorry.)

'Crockett, Tubbs! My office!'

Edward James Olmos might be the hardest working actor over the last 30 years. Olmos, who turned 60 years old over the weekend, got started in the early 70s with the usual slate of cop show appearances (Starsky & Hutch, Kojak, Police Woman, CHiPs). And so it's only natural his first big-time TV gig was as Miami Vice's Lt. Castillo and his first memorable movie role is a cop in 1982's Blade Runner.

But to peg Olmos as another David Caruso would be a serious mistake. His body of work in the 80s and 90s is epic. And his career is far from over. Olmos now has a steady job playing Commander Adama in the Sci Fi Network's acclaimed Battlestar Galactica series. Forget the 80s version of Adama played stiffly by Lorne Greene -- Olmos is the real thing. (But please bring back the mechanized Cylons!)

Top 5 Edward James Olmos roles:
5. Virgil Sweet (Talent for the Game): "You made my dreams come true, kid."
4. Gaff (Blade Runner): "It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?"
3. Cmd. William Adama (Battlestar Galactica): "Sometimes, you have to roll a hard six."
2. Jaime Escalante (Stand and Deliver): "You only see the turn, you don't see the road ahead."
1. Lt. Castillo (Miami Vice): "Crockett, Tubbs! My office!"

And the Oscars should have gone to...

It's Oscars Night -- time to honor this year's flicks? Heck no, time to look back two decades and second-guess the Academy voters one more time.

So which movies won for best picture (and which one should have won)? Leave it to Stuck in the 80s to determine right from wrong.

1980
Nominees: Coal Miner's Daughter, The Elephant Man, Ordinary People, Raging Bull, Tess.
Does anyone actually own: Tess.
Winner: Ordinary People.
Should have been: Raging Bull. Of all the baffling choices in the 80s, picking Ordinary People over Raging Bull ranks at the top. (View trailer)

1981
Nominees: Atlantic City, Chariots of Fire, On Golden Pond, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Reds.
Does anyone actually own: Atlantic City.
Winner: Chariots of Fire.
Should have been: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Tougher call, because I actually own Chariots of Fire and still enjoy it (whereas I never bought Raiders -- I mean, why? It's on TV every other week anyway). (View trailer)

1982
Nominees: E.T. - The Extra-Terrestrial, Gandhi, Missing, Tootsie, The Verdict.
Does anyone actually own: Missing.
Winner: Gandhi.
Should have been: Gandhi. OK, I know people are going to howl at that, but I can't still can't stand to sit through more than 3 minutes of E.T. without flipping the channel. I'd go as far as to say E.T. would rank behind both Gandhi and Tootsie on my list. Maybe even Missing -- and I never saw that one either. (View Gandhi trailer)

1983
Nominees: The Big Chill, The Dresser, The Right Stuff, Tender Mercies, Terms of Endearment.
Does anyone actually own: The Dresser.
Winner: Terms of Endearment.
Should have been: The Right Stuff. Sure, Terms of Endearment is an icon of the 80s, but The Right Stuff is an icon of the 20th century. (View trailer)

1984
Nominees: Amadeus, The Killing Fields, A Passage to India, Places in the Heart, A Soldier's Story.
Does anyone actually own: A Passage to India.
Winner: Amadeus.
Should have been: Amadeus. Not to take anything away from Tom Hulce and F. Murray Abraham, but this was probably the weakest year of movies in the 80s. (View trailer)

1985
Nominees: The Color Purple, Kiss of the Spider Woman, Out of Africa, Prizzi's Honor, Witness.
Does anyone actually own: Prizzi's Honor.
Winner: Out of Africa.
Should have been: The Color Purple. Spielberg just couldn't win at this point in his career. (He has to wait until 1994's Schindler's List.) (Scene from Color Purple)

1986
Nominees: Children of a Lesser God, Hannah and Her Sisters, The Mission, Platoon, A Room with a View.
Does anyone actually own: The Mission.
Winner: Platoon.
Should have been: Platoon, with Hannah and Her Sisters a VERY close second. (Platoon trailer)

1987
Nominees: Broadcast News, Fatal Attraction, Hope and Glory, The Last Emperor, Moonstruck.
Does anyone actually own: The Last Emperor.
Winner: The Last Emperor.
Should have been: Broadcast News. This was the first and only year where I saw every nominee in the theaters before the Oscars. And the last. (Scene from Broadcast News)

1988
Nominees: The Accidental Tourist, Dangerous Liaisons, Mississippi Burning, Rain Man, Working Girl.
Does anyone actually own: Mississippi Burning.
Winner: Rain Man.
Should have been: Rain Man. I think it was the "K-Mart sucks" line that clinched it for Rain Man. (By the way, I love Working Girl, but Oscar-worthy? Not quite.)

1989
Nominees: Born on the Fourth of July, Dead Poet's Society, Driving Miss Daisy, Field of Dreams, My Left Foot.
Does anyone actually own: My Left Foot.
Winner: Driving Miss Daisy.
Should have been: Field of Dreams or Dead Poet's Society -- two of the best movies of the 80s and they lose to a movie about a chauffeur and Dan Aykroyd's painful Georgian accent. (Final scene of Dead Poet's Society)

Lastly, let us lament the exclusion of two movies that saw no Oscar love in the 80s: Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Breakfast Club. Someday, when John Hughes picks up his lifetime achievement Oscar, I hope he just smirks and says:

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you."

Or better yet, in the words of John Bender: "Eat ... my ... shorts."

Two sober loaders -- a good start

For all those out there who don't spend their days off scouring the Internet for 80s news, here's a lunchtime treat for you. The Smoking Gun website has a "Backstage Pass" area that lists the concert riders for hundreds of bands, including a slew from the 80s.

A backstage rider is basically the list of requirements each band has for a given performance. It can include stage, sound and lighting specifications as well as their catering demands. The venue's personnel are charged with the task of meeting the demands.

Here are some odd riders from our favorite 80s acts:

LOVERBOY: The Canadian rockers require the "two sober loaders" to help unload and reload their equipment before and after shows. No interesting catering demands (example: "1 Bic lighter"), which I can personally attest to, since I took an unauthorized visit to the Loverboy dressing room last fall when they visited Tampa Bay as part of the "We Are The 80s" concert series.

NIGHT RANGER: Don't tell me you love tea. These guys apparently do, asking for six bags of Earl Grey or English Breakfast tea. Also, the makings for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, lots of Dial soap and cinnamon hazelnut coffee creamer.

STYX: Lots of gummy bears, domo arigato. And two pizzas (1 cheese, 1 half pepperoni, half sausage.) And all juices must be sugar free. And for god sake, no Evian water!

U2: Sunday, Bloody Mary Sunday. Please buy them one case of Rolling Rock, four cases of Heineken, some Guinness Stout, a bottle each of tequila, vodka and Jack Daniels. Wait, there's more. Thirteen bottles of wine please. Yep, they're Irish all right. Click for the full list.

PRINCE: I saved him for last because it's EIGHT PAGES LONG. Dig deep and you'll find that Prince prefers yogi cocoa spice tea, hummus, salsa and cranberry juice. And don't forget the jasmine and lavender scented candles.

Magic music to make your morning mood

Contrary to what my previous post implied, the Internet did NOT kill the video star. If anything, it preserved our 80s guitar heroes for all eternity. Or at least until YouTube.com goes bankrupt.

Here are five more great live performance to cherish:

Rush - Spirit of the Radio: The definitive song by the Canadian trio? I say it is. And one of many Rush songs that any good "air drummer" knows by heart. See it here performed in Frankfurt, Germany, during the band's "R30" tour. (Click to view)

Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun: Long before it became a commercial jingle for Wendy's hamburgers, it was an anthem of ... well, something unprintable. (Actually, it's about a crush on a girl in high school, according to fan sites.) Enjoy this 1984 performance in London, and particularly savor Gordon Gano's attempt to get the camera man to sing along. (Click to view)

U2- Sunday Bloody Sunday: Everyone knows and loves the live performance at Red Rocks. Try this one though -- 1983 in Germany with Bono introducing the tune in the native tongue of the fans. How long must they sing this song? Probably for every U2 tour until the end of time. (Click to view)

Men At Work - Overkill: Of all the 80s bands reuniting this summer, why can't Men At Work be one of them? Rumors have it that the band is still upset with former frontman Colin Hay over financial issues. In the meantime, relieve the magic in this video from 1982 (and try not to sob). (Click to view)

Big Country - Fields of Fire: Speaking of sobbing, it's hard to watch a Big Country performance without lamenting the untimely and tragic death of frontman Stuart Adamson in 2001. So in honor of Stu, enjoy one of Scotland's favorite bands -- definitely one of the most underrated bands of the 80s -- in this 1983 performance on Britain's legendary TV show "The Tube." (Click to view)

And now we meet in an abandoned studio...

There's not another song on the planet that captures the beginning of the 80s like the gem from The Buggles -- Video Killed The Radio Star. By now, most fans know it was the first video to air on a then-unknown cable network in suburban New Jersey called MTV back on Aug. 1, 1981. The opening notes of the tune still give you chills.

Here's a rare LIVE version of the song performed in 2004:

Some more trivia about the band and song:

• While The Buggles are largely thought of as Trevor Horn and Geoff Downes, "Video" was composed largely by the band's third member, Bruce Woolley.
• Woolley left the band before the release of the song to form Camera Club (with Thomas Dolby and Hans Zimmer). That band also released a version of the song, which became a hit in Canada.
• The 2004 performance of the song -- part of the Prince's Trust concert series in England -- reunited Horn, Downes and Woolley along with the original female background singers.
• Another classic tune from the 80s that laments the demise of the radio's role in culture -- Queen's Radio Ga-Ga.

And just so you don't think that video has the last word in the battle, remember you're enjoying this walk down Amnesia Lane on the Web. So tip your cap and enjoy this parody: Internet Killed The Video Star.

No Dancing in the Streets just yet

It seems the Van Halen reunion -- featuring the return of original frontman David Lee Roth -- is now on indefinite hold.

Pollstar.com -- the website that has been busy keeping track of all the 80s reunion tours -- now says that no papers were officially signed, so any summer tour has been postponed for the time being. A "best-of" set of CDs also is on the side-burner again, reports say.

The band is set for induction in the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame on March 12 in New York, so maybe things will get back on track after that. The original plans were thought to include a 40-city tour featuring Eddie Van Halen, Alex Van Halen, Roth and Eddie's teenage son Wolfgang on bass (replacing Michael Anthony, who was close to former singer Sammy Hagar.)