Best baseball flicks in the 80s? Say it ain't so

Major League Baseball's spring training is back in business here in Florida. That essentially means thousands of locals and tourists alike are getting their first sunburns of the season while quaffing down $6 beers and squealing "Jeeeeter! Jeeeeeter!" every time a certain Yankees infielder runs within 50 yards of the stands. (The sunburn and concession tab are far less painful.)

But if there's anything more obnoxious than transplanted Yankee fans, it's the people who insist that no decent baseball movies were made after 1973's Bang the Drum Slowly. The 80s, my pinstriped-wearing lemmings, are home to five of the most entertaining baseball movies ever put to film. Some more profound, others more comic. But never dull.

And so we give you a special Top 5 list today: Five favorite quotes from each of our five favorite baseball movies of the 80s. "And when you speak of me, speak well." ...

MAJOR LEAGUE (1989):

• "You put snot on the ball?"
• "I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this sh-t at least you could've said you were from the Yankees."
• "JUST a bit outside."
• "Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant."
• "Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill."

FIELD OF DREAMS (1989):

• "How about this: Peace, love, dope! Now get the hell out of here!"
• "This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
• "This is my corn. You people are guests in my corn."
• "Hey rookie! You were good."
• "Hey, Dad. ... You wanna have a catch?"

BULL DURHAM (1988):

• "I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball."
• "Why's he calling me meat? I'm the one driving a Porsche."
• "Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic."
• "The rose goes in the front, big guy."
• "I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

THE NATURAL (1984):

• "I guess some mistakes you never stop paying for."
• "Fowler's killing worms, Pop."
• "You can't spell it, but it eats pretty good, don't it?"
• "Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."
• "Pick me out a winner Bobby."

EIGHT MEN OUT (1988):

• "Sports writers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your bar privileges."
• "Everybody's got their own way of letting off steam, Ring. It's what you do on the field that counts."
• "Shoeless Joe is ignorant; Hap Felsch is just dumb."
• "Say it ain't so, Joe. Say it ain't so."
• "Those fellas are all gone now."

[Source: IMDB.com]

Comments

From Major League...

Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.

Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.

Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.

Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

[mimi]

"Get a hit, Crash."
"Shut up."
[Rumor has it, the kid with this line didn't know Costner was going to snarl at him, and walked off crying]

"I held it like an egg."
"And he scrambled it."

"Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob."

Annie: "Right, honey, let's get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?"
Millie: "Well, he f*#$^ like he pitches - sorta all over the place."

[Hamptune]

"Too High, Too High"

[Triteon]

He's not the best color man in the league for nothing, folks!

[Joe]

I know there's a lot of great quotes, but here are three I think make the list:
Bull Durham:
"Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?"

Major League:
"What the hell league you been playing in?"
"California Penal..."
"Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?"
"Stole a car."

"Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?"
[Rexman pops the ball straight up]
"Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance. "

[Joshua S.]

Prooving that Paris Hilton did NOT coin the phrase "hot"

Crash Davis: "That's hot. No I mean it, that's really hot."

[Rich B]

They should have included the line from the Natural...whenever someone asks him about why he plays...he says (something like this) "I want folks to walk down the street and say there goes Roy Hobbs, the best that ever played this game." To me that encapsulated why we all start playing sports to begin with.

[Mike]

This is a simple game. You throw the ball. You catch the ball. You hit the ball. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains. ... Think about it.

or:

The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness.

Actually, you could probably just quote Bull Durham in its entirety, starting with "I believe in the church of baseball!" and ending with "You can look it up."

[Spears]

It's only a list from the 80s -- so no Gary Cooper or Tom Hanks. But Slugger's Wife would qualify.

[Scott S]

Candlesticks always make a nice gift, and maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two!

[Mitch]

Wish you would've expanded your list to include Gary Cooper's "Lou Gehrig" speech from "Pride of the Yankees", or Tom Hanks from "A League of Their Own"...

[philsphan]

i would have taken the sandlot over eight men out. the rest of the list is just right.

What no Slugger's Wife?

Just kidding.

[Mike]

Bull Durham is easily the best baseball movie. It's all about the summer season. If hockey fans put Slap Shot in the VCR when they want to get misty-eyed for the puck set, then true baseball fans pop in Bull Durham. (Field of Dreams is an awesome movie...about Iowa.)

[Max]

Major League and Bull Durham have plenty of funny quotes, but Field of Dreams has so many quotes that give me goosebumps just from reading them, much less seeing them. Any baseball fan that doesn't love James Earl Jones doing the "People will come, Ray" speech isn't really a baseball fan. And no matter how over-quoted and on-the-nose "If you build it, he will come" is, I absolutely love how Shoeless Joe repeats them to lead in to the reveal of Ray's dad.

Oh, and Spears left out my favorite quote from The Natural: "There goes Roy Hobbs... the best there ever was."

[Walter Cox]

Lollygaggers!

[sherrie87]

Bull Durham can't be beat for the best quotes in an 80's baseball movie, bar none. My favorite lines not listed here occur during a long, well attended conference at the mound. Thanks to IMDB, here is that conference:
[Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players' conference]
Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here?
Crash Davis: Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
[to the players]
Crash Davis: Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash Davis: We're dealing with a lot of shit.

[Spears]

Two more "classics": Brewster's Millions and Stealing Home.

[chase]

I would argue "The Naked Gun" belongs in there ... Lots of baseball action, and Leslie Nielsen's stint as a break dancing ump is second only to Uke's announcer from Major League as a parody of the game ...

Too bad Gary Coleman's landmark performance in "The Kid from Left Field" fell in 1979 ... sigh.

-- Chase

[Spears]

In all fairness, there's probably 100 lines worth quoting from Bull Durham. It was incredibly hard to pare it down to just 5.

[Mike]

A couple of things. First, I can't watch Field of Dreams without tearing up at the ol' "Hey Dad...wanna have a catch" quote. I can't do it. Secondly, you forgot a good quote from "Bull Durham." Kevin Costner's "From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fu*$in' boat!" Then Tim Robbins comes after him and gets knocked out. Classic.

[Bassnote]

I love all five of those movies, but I lean more toward the comedies. Major League and Bull Durham are movies that I will always stop and watch while I am flipping channels.