Got 5 minutes? Here are your 5 movies

Lately, I find myself staying awake to all hours of the night to catch the first five minutes of the movie Caddyshack 2. (Pause for you to scream out in disgust and disapproval.)

The reason why just the first five minutes? Because Jackie Mason doesn't appear yet and because you get to hear the epic (and highly underappreciated) theme song by Kenny Loggins -- "Nobody's Fool."

Song ends, I flip the channel and continue my search for a better movie. Or at least one in which Dan Aykroyd doesn't talk in a strange pinched voice and wear camouflage. (Oddly enough, it's not an easy quest.)

Which 80s movies are worth turning on for just the first 5 minutes? Great question. And what do you know, I actually have a list.

FIVE MOVIES TO WATCH ONLY FOR THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES:

5. Club Paradise (1986): Robin Williams has an icicle hanging out of his noise, nearly dies in a fall from a high-rise and then suddenly is living large in the Caribbean. All in the first five minutes. The rest of the movie? A few good Peter O'Toole lines and little else.

4. A View To A Kill (1985): The worst James Bond movie of the entire franchise. But stay tuned just long enough for Duran Duran's title song. Then go hunt for "The Spy Who Loved Me" on a different channel.

3. The Jazz Singer (1980): Basically a music video (before such things really existed) for Neil Diamond's song "America," set in New York City. After that, you're forced to watch him actually act.

2. Caddyshack 2 (1988): Tune into next week's Stuck in the 80s podcast -- our interview with Kenny Loggins -- in which he actually sings a line or two of the theme song for us. No kidding.

1. Purple Rain (1984): You can figure out the entire plot of the movie from the moment Prince says "Dearly beloved..." to his final "Crazy!" on "Let's Go Crazy." But skip the rest of the movie and you miss the legendary Morris Day, who deserves to make enough royalties from this movie to never work another day in his life.

Trust me, we're still stuck in the 80s

Episode #80 of Stuck in the 80s is finally online. Click here to listen or click here to subscribe for free on iTunes. It's been so long since I uploaded a podcast that I may have fouled up the RSS feed temporarily, so if the show says "Episode 30" on your iTunes, just blame me. I didn't have my regular Egg McMuffin and 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke that day.

Highlights of this week's show:

• A surprising lack of sexual innuendo by Times pop critic Sean Daly, who seems to prefer just ragging on his co-hosts now on general principle.
• Cathy Wos reveals her shocking psychological condition about a major Hollywood star.
• And as the host, I start a new drinking game. Drink half a beer every time I say "fringe" in this show. (Note: Please buy at least two cases of beer prior to trying this.)

Enjoy the chaos. Our next episode will come in mid-week: An interview with Kenny Loggins, who plays Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall on April 13.

Through the eyes of John Hughes

Special 80s montage video here sent by a fan of the podcast:

Wow, incredible stuff there! The thanks goes to David Blanchard, a freelance movie trailer and DVD special features editor living in Los Angeles. Having graduated from high school in '82, Blanchard sat down with Stuck in the 80s for a short Q&A to talk about his love of the 80s.

Still have a vivid memory of your first John Hughes flick?

Blanchard: "'The Breakfast Club' was the first. When I saw the movie initially it seemed very much like an intimate stage play because most of the story took place in the school's library and during one day. It was funny, thought provoking, and very emotional all at the same time. I connected right away."

So does Breakfast Club top your list, or do you prefer another Hughes movie?

Blanchard: "That has to be 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off.' My friends and I probably saw it eight times in the theater alone. Between cable and DVD viewings I've lost count after that. Who doesn't want to be Ferris Bueller? Or at least have him as a best friend. It's just a film that never gets tired."

Any of JH's movies really not click for you?

Blanchard: "Don't hate me, but it's 'Pretty In Pink.' It was great but I still rate 'Some Kind Of Wonderful' above it. Drummer girl Watts is the best!"

Which of his actors really caught your eye?

Blanchard: "Like a lot of people I go straight for Molly Ringwald, even from a guys point of view. To me her characters were the ones you wanted to hang out with, be friends with, or seriously date. She just always seemed 'real' to me."

Putting aside our hero, what other 80s movies really fire you up?

Blanchard: "I'm a huge fan of the 'Back To The Future' movies, especially the first one. Definitely 'Blade Runner', as well as 'Tron', 'Escape From New York', 'E.T.', 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure', and 'Highlander'. Not a lot of people put this on their 80's top 10 lists, but I also really like 'Ladyhawke'."

OK, one last Hughes question. If he ever made a sequel to Sixteen Candles, would Jake and Samantha be together 20 years later?

Blanchard: "I think if they weren't together it certainly would ruin the fairy tale ending of the first one a bit. If they did stay together and down the road had kids, I bet one would be a girl in her teens by now. Yearning to be with that one guy at school who seemed unattainable, she'd eventually turn to Mom for advice...and Samantha would have plenty."

Sir Bono? No, 'His Demigodness' will do

U2's Bono is now officially a "Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire." It's sorta like being Knight Rider, only with far less hair gel. The honor was bestowed upon Bono for his work to defeat poverty and disease in Africa.

Britain's ambassador to Ireland performed the ceremony today, though Bono was reportedly disappointed that no sword or kneeling was involved. Likewise, because he's not a British citizen, Bono cannot use the title of "sir."

5 MORE ROCK STARS WITH A HEART:

• John Mellencamp: Co-founded of Farm Aid concerts.
• Bob Geldof: Organizer of Live Aid and Live 8 concerts.
• The Edge: Raising money for Katrina victims.
• Kenny Loggins: His "Conviction of the Heart" tune considered the environmental movement's anthem.
• Paul Simon: Set to receive the first Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song, honoring the positive effect of music on the world’s culture.

We're back... Party on, dudes

Sorry for the long delay between podcasts, my most excellent friends. The Stuck in the 80s podcast is back in business. Look for a new show online sometime this weekend.

Top 5 things we learned during our hiatus:
5. Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
4. Humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit.
3. People on 'ludes should not drive.
2. If you start out depressed everything's kind of a pleasant surprise.
1. It's better to burn out than fade away.

Look who we're interviewing today...

That's right, Kenny Loggins will be our guest on the Stuck in the 80s podcast. Kenny just released a new album -- How About Now -- and is touring in support. He plays Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall on April 13.

Times pop critic Sean Daly and I will ask him about his string of soundtrack hits from the 80s (including signature tunes for Caddyshack, Footloose, Over The Top and Top Gun), his phenomenal collection of duets with artists including Stevie Nicks and Steve Perry as well as his recent tour with former partner Jim Messina.

In the meantime, here are a group of songs to download to get you ready for the podcast:

TOP 5 KENNY LOGGINS TUNES FROM THE 80s:
5. Forever
4. Meet Me Halfway (theme from "Over The Top")
3. Danger Zone (theme from "Top Gun")
2. Don't Fight It (with Steve Perry)
1. I'm Alright (theme from "Caddyshack")

This remake idea is more dog than wolf

A remake of Teen Wolf -- the werewolf flick made infamous by Michael J. Fox in 1985 (and unwatchable by Jason Bateman in 1987) -- is in the works. Tom Welling (TV's Smallville) is reportedly on-board to co-star in the flick.

Why remake Teen Wolf? In the immortal words of Bluto Blutarsky, "WHY NOT?!?"

No, seriously ... why? It wasn't exactly a classic the first time around, even though it has a soft spot in the hearts of some 80s fans. When Michael J. Fox sat down on The Actor's Studio, he even tried white-washing that role, saying no one probably remembers it. (The student audience, however, gave the movie an enthusiastic and surprising round of applause).

An interesting twist this time around: The werewolf will be played by a female. (Are you waiting for a punchline? Because one isn't coming. That's really the only difference reported so far.)

Teen Wolf is easily one of the least memorable movies of the 80s. Is that the rationale to remake it? Well, then, try these other movies from the 80s:

Five more unremarkable movies from the 80s to remake:
5. Light of Day (1987): If it must be a Michael J. Fox movie, this would cries out to be done better.
4. The Pick-Up Artist (1987): Molly Ringwald and Robert Downey Jr. reunite!
3. Vice Versa (1988): This plot has been reused more often than a J-Lo wedding dress.
2. Endless Love (1981): The most overrated romantic flick of the 80s, and nobody has been tempted to redo it? Incredible.
1. Last American Virgin (1982): Keep the soundtrack, but get Lindsey Lohan to play the "virgin" role originally played by Diane Franklin. Delicious.

Living in the limelight: A chance to meet Rush

Rush has a new CD out, a tour in the works -- they're only missing one thing: Yeah, it's you. (Well, and possibly better starting pitching for their beloved Toronto Blue Jays.)

The band is promoting a new contest that's worth checking out, especially if you're a hard-core fan. Those buying a concert ticket along with their new CD, Snakes and Arrows, are entered into a drawing. For each tour stop, one winner will be selected to meet the band backstage. (Click here for the details.) Rush has a reputation for being a fan-friendly group of rockers, so it seems like a no-brainer. (If you win, try to snag a guitar pick or drum stick for your buddies here at Stuck in the 80s.)

Speaking of the tour, most of the details are now available. Geddy, Alex and Neil get started in Atlanta on June 13. They're set to visit the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa on June 16. The tour continues through the summer and appears to finish up in Finland on Oct. 29. (Check the band's website for exact dates.)

For sale: One very-used guitar

Members of U2 are donating some of their signature props and instruments to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Guitarist The Edge is leading the "Icons of Music" auction by offering up his beloved 1975 Cream Gibson Les Paul guitar.

The auction will be held live and online on April 21 at the Hard Rock Cafe in New York. (The online auction will be at www.juliensauctions.com). But before you bookmark the webpage and start polishing your pennies, take a look at the estimated bids expected for these gems:

• The Edge's guitar: $60,000-$80,000
• Sunglasses worn by John Lennon: $4,000-$6,000
• Hand-written lyrics by Bruce Springsteen: $2,000-$4,000
• Sunglasses worn in concert by Bono: $2,000-$4,000
• A tom-tom drum from U2's Larry Mullen Jr.: $8,000-$10,000
• Bass guitar from U2's Adam Clayton: $20,000-$30,000

Looking for a bargain? How about a surfboard signed by Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder, estimated to fetch between $1,000 and $2,000. Proof once again that the 90s and grunge just doesn't live up to Stuck in the 80s standards.

Focusing on The Big Picture

Today's retro-review: A little-remembered 1989 flick called The Big Picture, starring Kevin Bacon, Michael McKean and a dozen other stars in big roles or cameos.

The plot: Bacon plays an award-winning film school grad who finds that making movies in Hollywood isn't as easy as it seems.

The problem: Aside from Footloose and She's Having a Baby, Kevin Bacon is usually at his best when he's not the headlining star. However, The Big Picture was an independent flick, so box-office expectations weren't too high.

Maybe you remember: It was directed by Christopher Guest, McKean's co-star in Spinal Tap, and the director of Waiting For Guffman, Best in Show and A Mighty Wind.

Surely you can't forget: The late J.T. Walsh as the sleazy studio executive and Terri Hatcher as the casting-couch wannabe. And a great music video for a band called Pez-People playing "Don't Fire Until You See The Whites of Their Eyes." Die-hard fans of the movie continue to search fruitlessly for a copy of the song on the Internet.

One nasty review: "[This] sappy optimism plays like the kind of box-office compromise the film correctly excoriates." (Rolling Stone)

Why I love it anyway: Sandwiched in between Bacon's performances in the totally forgettable Criminal Law and the campy Tremors, it's a nice no-frills performance from an underrated actor. And it hints at the brilliance to come in Guest's directing career.

Closing argument: Martin Short takes an uncredited role in the movie, playing Bacon's agent. It's a tiny role, but Short has the two best lines in the whole movie:

• "I'm very, very aware... that you are seeing other agents. And I think it's good that you are. Finally, I mean it's healthy."
• "I don't know you. I don't know your work. But I think you are a genius. And I am never wrong about that."

He's still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Elton John turns 60 today. Six-oh-my-god years old. I won't even begin to argue that Elton is a phenomenon of the 80s. It was 1970 when one of his tunes -- "Border Song" -- first hit the charts. Now, more than 500 songs and 32 albums later, he still embarks on world tours in between the dozens of gigs each year at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. On July 1, he'll play the Concert for Diana at the newly rebuilt Wembley Stadium in honor of the 10th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana.

But before that, it's party time. Tonight, Elton plays Madison Square Garden in New York. Want to buy a ticket? Too late, my friend. Sold out.

A short aside about Elton in concert: Three times over the years I've had great seats to one of his shows. All three times, he canceled the day of the show. Throat problems. Elton, take some vitamin C tablets with you tonight.

And for those of us who seem destined never to see you play live...

TOP 10 ELTON JOHN SONGS FROM THE 80s:
10. Blue Eyes (1982): When I'm by her side, where I long to be, I will see"
9. That's What Friends Are For (1985): "I'll be on your side forever more"
8. Wrap Her Up (1985): "Roaring twenties, molls and vamps"
7. Nikita (1986): "Just look towards the west and find a friend"
6. Sad Songs (1984): "It's times like these when we all need to hear the radio"
5. I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues (1983): "Live for each second without hesitation"
4. Kiss The Bride (1983): "Long before she met him, she was mine, mine, mine"
3. Sacrifice (1989): "Some things look better baby just passing through"
2. I'm Still Standing (1983): "If our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now"
1. Little Jeannie (1980): "I will always be your fool"

The echoes of long ago ... you are in Xanadu

I'm going out on a limb here and saying this song must be one of the top 5 guilty pleasures from the 80s.

Some trivia on the movie Xanadu:

• Released in 1980, this movie and the Village People's Can't Stop The Music were the inspiration behind the Razzie Awards, given yearly to the worst films.
• Coincidentally, Olivia Newton John turned down the female lead in "Can't Stop The Music" to appear in Xanadu.
• Olivia fractured her tailbone during the production of the "Suddenly" dance number.
• If co-star Michael Beck looks familiar, it's because you also saw Beck in The Warriors (1979). Can you dig it?!?
• The movie's soundtrack went platinum, with the song "Magic" going to the top of the U.S. charts.
• Meanwhile, the song "Xanadu" became ELO's only No. 1 single in the United Kingdom.

(The other four guilty pleasures from the 80s? Today, I'm going with the movie Bachelor Party, the Safety Dance video, Long Island Ice Tea and reruns of Charles in Charge.)

Having some fun with movies about death

I've been thinking a lot about death and the great beyond lately. Thankfully, I'm stuck in the 80s, a decade that is home to at least five classic movies on the subject: Night Shift, Better Off Dead, Beetle Juice, Always and The Big Chill.

But if you had to pick just one movie to cheer you up, which would it be?

NIGHT SHIFT (1982)
Stars: Henry Winkler, Michael Keaton, Shelly Long.
Pros: Takes place in a morgue, but involves hookers. I'm cheered up already.
Cons: Shelly Long is one of the hookers? My vital signs are fading.
Line to remember: "Hello, this is Chuck to remind Bill to SHUT UP!" (podcast)

BETTER OFF DEAD (1985)
Stars: John Cusack, Diane Franklin
Pros: A comedy about suicide? Only Cusack could pull this off.
Cons: Not to be grim, but no one actually dies. Though clearly, we'd all like to strangle Ricky's mom to death.
Line to remember: "Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that." (podcast)

ALWAYS (1989)
Stars: Richard Dreyfuss, Holly Hunter, John Goodman.
Pros: Moments of unexpected comic genius between the three stars.
Cons: Director Steven Spielberg never likes to cheer people up.
Line to remember: "Boy, what a jerk I turned out to be. Dead! And now I'm sitting in the woods, getting my hair cut."

THE BIG CHILL (1983):
Stars: Kevin Kline, Tom Berenger, William Hurt, Jeff Goldblum, Meg Tilly, Glenn Close
Pros: Two things any classic movie needs -- a great soundtrack and Jeff Goldblum.
Cons: A movie that sums up everyone we hate about the yuppie generation.
Line to remember: "Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come."

BEETLE JUICE (1988):
Stars: Michael Keaton, Alex Baldwin, Geena Davis, Winona Ryder
Pros: Perhaps the only comedy produced where the dead people outnumber the living ones.
Cons: Tim Burton makes Spielberg seem about as dark as Jiminy Cricket.
Line to remember: "Open this door you dead people or we'll bust it down and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!"

MY VERDICT: I'm going with Night Shift. Only one dead character, Franklin the Pimp, and a soundtrack featuring Quarterflash and the Rolling Stones. Plus, I get to say "Loooove Brokers!" all night long.

Best Sandler movie? Pick a flick

It's well established now that Adam Sandler really is Stuck in the 80s -- even though just one of his films appeared in that golden decade. (Read my argument here.) Of course, some might also argue that every one of his movies has pretty much the same plot. (Please click and enjoy). That's OK by me. Afterall, what's better than one ice cold beer? You got it -- 9 or 10 ice cold beers!

So with this week's release of his latest flick -- Reign Over Me -- fans of Sandler's movies must face the question...

What is Adam Sandler's best flick? Here's my own Top 10 list:

10. THE LONGEST YARD (2005): "You're as maniacal as a box of kittens."

9. PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE (2002): "I have to get more pudding for this trip to Hawaii. As I just said that out loud I realize it sounded a little strange but it's not."

8. BIG DADDY (1999): "He won't stop peeing and throwing up, he's like a cocker spaniel." (Movie clip)

7. 50 FIRST DATES (2004): "Why don't you choke on your spam!" (Movie clip)

6. THE WATERBOY (1998): "Captain Insano shows no mercy." (Movie clip)

5. MR. DEEDS (2002): "I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up, Johnny Mac. "

4. BILLY MADISON (1995): "Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out." (Movie clip)

3. CLICK (2006): "My schmeckel got bigger now that I'm older, just so you guys know that.."

2. HAPPY GILMORE (1996): "You're gonna die, clown." (Movie clip)

1. THE WEDDING SINGER (1988): "See? Billy Idol gets it!" (Movie clip)

So long, Larry "Bud" Melman

Calvert DeForest, a fixture on David Letterman's late-night TV shows as the character Larry "Bud" Melman" died Monday in Long Island at age 85.

"Everyone always wondered if Calvert was an actor playing a character, but in reality he was just himself - a genuine, modest and nice man," Letterman said in a statement.

DeForest appeared on the show between 1982 and 2002, often stuffed uncomfortably into a black suit and thick glasses. Among his odd chores for the show: singing "I Got You Babe" with Sonny Bono, covering the 1994 Winter Olympics in Norway and handing out hot towels to new arrivals at New York's bus terminal.

Love kills... and so does Gary Oldman

He's had a slew of great roles over the years: Dracula, Beethoven, Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirius Black. But to 80s fans, there's one role Gary Oldman will never be able to surpass: Sid Vicious in 1986's Sid & Nancy.

Oldman, who turns 49 years old today, "captures Vicious' giddy daze and loose-limbed recklessness -- he's like a marionette with cut strings," the Washington Post wrote of his performance. So devoted was Oldman to capturing the punk god's look, he was briefly hospitalized when he lost too much weight. He even wore Sid's real chain necklace in the movie, a present from Sid's mother.

Members of the Sex Pistols, however, weren't as kind. Frontman John Lydon in particular hated the movie and the portrayal of all the characters. Asked if the filmmakers got anything right, Lydon reportedly answered, "Maybe the name Sid."

Ah, don't listen to him, Gary. You were Sid Vicious. Lift a pint of ale for us today, will you?

Top 5 lines from Sid & Nancy:
5. "Sidney's more than a mere bass player. He's a fabulous disaster. He's a symbol, a metaphor, he embodies the dementia of a nihilistic generation."
4. "You know, I was so bored once that I f---ed a dog."
3. "Go on, Sidney. Spray the beast."
2. "Boring, Sidney, Boring!"
1. "What about the farewell drugs?!?"

Living in an Alien Nation

Today's Retro-review: 1988's Alien Nation, starring James Caan and Mandy Patinkin.

The plot: An alien civilization arrives on Earth and is eventually integrated into human society. But many humans don't take kindly to the "newcomers" -- especially not one particular police detective (Caan) who takes on a "newcomer" as partner (Patinkin).

That sounds familiar: Think "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Or just about any other buddy-cop movie, subbing the aliens for an ethnic community.

Maybe you remember: The newcomers' "alcohol" of choice? Spoiled milk. Want to give a newcomer a grisly death? Drop him in seawater.

Surely you haven't forgotten: The human and alien detectives have a comic moment discussing how a condom works. "It's rubber -- it stretches," says Caan. "And it still fits?" counters an obviously gifted Patinkin.

In case you missed it: The movie became the plot of a TV series that started in 1989, starring Gary Graham and Eric Pierpoint. After the series was canceled, five made-for-TV movies were produced to continue the story. 

One nasty review: "Once we understand that the movie takes place in the near future and has aliens who are being integrated into human society, everything else is an assembly-line cop picture." (Chicago Sun-Times)

Why we love it anyway: All 80s fans are big Jimmy Caan fans dating back to 1975's Rollerball. Throw in some hair-impaired newcomers and some sinfully hot alien strippers ... and it's E-Terrific.

Some trivia: The alien detective was going to be called George Jetson, but animator Hanna-Barbera wouldn't release the rights to that name. So it's an inside joke when Sykes chooses to call him "George" instead of Sam.

Watch it again: Alien Nation airs March 21 and March 25 on Cinemax. Click here to rent it on Netflix, or click here to find it on Blockbuster.com

Top 5 quotes from Alien Nation:
5. "Sam Francisco? That's your name?"
4. "Your name... Sykes. I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that it sounds like "ss'ai k'ss," two words in my language which mean "excrement" and "cranium" ... sh--head."
3. "Why's it got to be sour milk they get wasted on? Why can't it be Jack Daniels or Thunderbird?"
2. "Your mother mates out of season."
1. "Don't take it personally. I'm a bigot."

Indiana Jones and the Tribe of Oscar Nominees

Preproduction continues on the latest installment of the Indiana Jones series, and word continues to leak out about possible co-stars.

Latest scoop: Cate Blanchett is in negotiations for a headlining role in the movie, which will star Harrison Ford and include the talents of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.

Blanchett is a hot property right now, straight off her Oscar-nominated performance in Notes on a Scandal. But she's not the only Oscar-nominated name in the mix. Look for Sean Connery to sign on next to reprise his role as Jones Sr. And word varies on whether Natalie Portman will join the cast.

Other movie rumors, according to TheRaider.net:

• It will be set in the 1950s ... alas, no Nazis this time.
• Indy could have son or daughter in this installment.
• One old rumor has it that the movie will be called "Indiana Jones and the Lost Continent," but until that's official, we'll suggest some other names.

Top 5 possible names for the Indiana Jones movie:
5. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Viagra
4. Raiders of the Lost Box Office Returns
3. Indiana Jones Meets the Invisible Audience
2. Indiana Jones 4: Assignment Miami Beach
1. Grumpy Old Men 3

Caption contest: Sharing a laugh with Tom Cruise

We haven't picked on Tom Cruise lately. I can't explain exactly why, since he's in a three-way race with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton for celebrity most in need of never-ending abuse (all competing in the special "We don't wear underwear, but shave our legs in public bathrooms" division.)

So here's a photo challenge to help get your mojo going again. Answer this question:

What are Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise laughing at? The funniest answer wins a TBT* t-shirt or totebag.

She's gonna live forever

Here's a name you haven't heard in a while: Irene Cara, who turns 48 today. Her signature role was "Coco Hernandez" in 1980's Fame. But after appearances in the unmemorable D.C. Cab (1983) and City Heat (1984), she seems to have fallen off the acting radar.

She started working long before Fame, first as a child on The Electric Company and later on Roots: The Next Generation. And although she'd win fame with Fame, it was her song-writing skills that would land her a Oscar in 1984 for the song "Flashdance ... What a Feeling."

These days, Cara lives in Florida and has formed a new band, Hot Caramel, which performed its first live show right here in St. Petersburg in 2004. In 2005, Cara appeared on TV's "Hit Me Baby One More Time" to perform Flashdance.

Happy birthday, Irene. Here's our present.

Five great quotes about fame:
5. "Fame is morally neutral." -- Edward R. Murrow
4. "Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door." -- Marlo Thomas
3. "I hate fame. I've done everything I can do to avoid it." -- Johnny Depp
2. "In the future we'll have 15 minutes of fame and 15 minutes of health care." -- Nicole Hollander
1. "I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety." -- William Shakespeare

Five Irish actors to toast

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Stuck in the 80s gang, who are too busy enjoying their own tradition -- drinking of ye ole Mickey's widemouths -- to come up with a real blog item today.

However, a top 5 list isn't too hard to come by.

Top 5 80s stars who should be grand marshal for a St. Patrick's Day Parade:
5. Pierce Brosnan: TV's "Remington Steele" is a fine Irish lad.
4. Aidan Quinn: Check out his 80s flicks -- Reckless, Stakeout, Crusoe, Desperately Seeking Susan.
4. Liam Neeson: Long before he was Oscar Schindler or Qui-Gon Jinn, Neeson starred in 1988s' "High Spirits" along with the next person on the list.
2. Peter O'Toole: That's right, Lawrence of Arabia's star is Irish too.
1. Andrew McCarthy: What, like he's got something better to do?

Happy birthday, William Drayton Jr.

Wha?? I mean Flavor Flav! The founding member of Public Enemy turns 48 today. What sort of birthday will the hip-hop star enjoy? One that probably won't include a Marilyn Monroe "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" impersonation by former flame Brigitte Nielsen. (Thank god.)

Here's our meager contribution.

Top 5 Public Enemy songs:
5. 911 Is A Joke
4. Don't Believe the Hype
3. Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos
2. Night Of The Living Baseheads
1. Fight The Power

Caption contest: Hall of Fame edition

Like a horrific traffic accident, this week's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony was such a fiasco, we just can't turn away.

So here is today's challenge: Write a new caption for this photo of Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony appearing before the press after Van Halen joined the Hall.

Some possibilities:

• "Dude, this outta clinch those endorsement deals for us with Cuervo and Jack Daniels."
• "You think Eddie's watching on TV from his rehab bed? Better yet, do you know Valerie Bertinelli's number?"
• "I hope this photo doesn't get used for a caption contest, 'cuz we look just like Brooks & Dunn!"

Is this man the coolest guy in the biz?

For nearly 40 years, Geddy Lee has sung while playing both bass guitar and keyboards for Rush. In the 80s, he played along with "Bob and Doug McKenzie" on their comedy single "Take Off" and today he's on ESPN.com, talking about how he's a rotisserie baseball nut. [Click here to listen.] Give him control of the politicians, bureaucrats and armed forces, and he'd solve the entire Middle East crisis in less than the time it takes for a Neil Peart drum solo.

Life's good for Geddy Lee, indeed. The band's new single -- Far Cry -- just made its debut on the official Rush website. And the band's new album -- Snakes and Arrows -- is due in stores on May 1. To top it all off, Rush will do a 48-city tour beginning in June to promote the new album (Rush is rumored to play Tampa's Ford Amphitheatre in early June for one of the tour's first shows).

"It's big, it's bold, and I think it's some of the best work we've done in years," Lee said in one interview. "I'm really pleased with the quality of the songs, and there's lots of playing on it."

I know the band's hard-core fans will still buy it. But a quick query: Is Rush as relevant today as they were in their hey-day of the late 70s and early 80s? It's been a while since I bought a Rush CD that wasn't a greatest-hits collection.

TOP 5 RUSH ALBUMS FOR 80s FANS:
5. Signals (1982): The tune "Countdown" describes the 1981 launch of the Space Shuttle Columbia, which the band witnessed in person.
4. 2112 (1976): Can be synchronized to the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."
3. Permanent Waves (1980): The band's first Top 5 album in the U.S. featured signature classic "Spirit of the Radio."
2. A Farewell to Kings (1977): Only 6 tracks, including the highly underrated "Cygnus X-1"
1. Moving Pictures (1981): "Tom Sawyer" in the theme music for TV's "MacGyver" in Brazil.

Looks more like a frat party gone bad

Another year, another shameful industry award show that can tucked away in the closet until next time. Last night's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was everything Rock and Roll isn't supposed to be: corporate, phony and ultimately embarrassing to those performing and those watching.

Velvet Revolver playing Van Halen songs? Patti Smith playing Rolling Stone songs? Keith Richards with a Johnny Depp mustache? Turning to a grunge musician to save the day? Oh ... my ... god.

I could go on forever, but thanks to the magic of the Internet, I can simply redirect you to a fantastiche recap of the night's events -- muchos gracias to phillyburbs.com. Just click here to read an ongoing account of last night's crime against humanity.

And remember: It's never too early to think about ways to screw up next year's induction ceremony.

Top 5 ways to ruin the 2008 Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony:
5. Master of ceremonies -- a sober Eddie Van Halen.
4. Dennis DeYoung inducts Journey; Steve Perry inducts Styx.
3. Max Headroom reanimated to sing medley of Whitney Houston songs.
2. In fluke vote, Wyld Stallyons -- from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure -- is voted into Hall.
1. Just rebroadcast this year's show.

Good beach movies? Gimme a break

It's Spring Break time here in Florida, but before you get carried away and steal a case of Mickey's for the road trip down here, please be aware that things down here have changed a lot since the 80s.

For one, I'm pretty sure it's against the law to do anything fun here anymore. Open containers, driving on the beach, wet t-shirt contests, beer-chugging contests, stalking Debra Lafave, bonfires on the beach. Good luck finding many municipalities that go along with those rituals.

So if you really want to experience a traditional spring break, here are your choices: Be prepared to break some local laws, go somewhere like Cancun, or rent one of the beach movies from the 80s.

Be warned: These are not all spring break movies and they're certainly not all classics. In fact, maybe only a few of them are watchable at all. But like that moment before your first sunburn of the season or that 10th shot of tequila, you're not going to listen to good advice anyway right now anyway. Bottom's up.

SPRING BREAK (1983): David Knell, Perry Lang.
Tagline: "Like it's really, totally, the most fun a couple of bodies can have. You know?"
Review: "What a letdown for horny movie critics." (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
Memorable quote: "Beer's like... f---in' great, ya know?"

WHERE THE BOYS ARE '84 (1984): Lisa Hartman, Lorna Luft.
Tagline: "When girls want a vacation filled with sun, fun and romance, they go to Fort Lauderdale"
Review: "This movie has nothing to do with the song and the 1960 movie whose name it appropriates. It isn't a sequel and isn't a remake and isn't, in fact, much of anything." (Chicago Sun-Times)
Memorable quote: "Sandra, we're going to Fort Lauderdale for ten days. All you need is a bikini, and a diaphragm."

SHAG (1989): Phoebe Cates, Bridget Fonda, Annabeth Gish
Tagline: "On a summer weekend in 1963, four girlfriends made memories that would last a lifetime."
Review: "A tantalizing summer pick-me-up." (Rolling Stone)
Memorable quote: "Daddy's bourbon. Strictly off-limits."

BACK TO THE BEACH (1987): Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello
Tagline: "Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a totally NEW WAVE motion picture experience."
Review: "Deeply vapid, with the emotional consistency of styling mousse. Still, worse things have washed up on the beach." (Washington Post)
Memorable quote: "Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh did I ever leave Ohio?"

REVENGE OF THE NERDS II: Nerds in Paradise (1987): Robert Carradine, Curtis Armstrong
Tagline: "The Nerds are Back... and They're Taking a Trip to Paradise!"
Review: "As screenplays go, this is as idiotic as it gets." (Chicago Sun-Times)
Memorable quote: "To truly hock a loogie, one must not retrieve the phlegm from the throat, but from the soul."

POLICE ACADEMY 5: Assignment Miami Beach (1988): Bubba Smith, David Graf.
Tagline: "Hold everything! The cadets are dropping in on Miami Beach for an all new adventure."
Review: "An insufferable collage of coarse slapstick vignettes" (Washington Post)
Memorable quote: "Must be the drugs."

SUMMER RENTAL (1985): John Candy, Rip Torn
Tagline: "Life's A Beach"
Review: "A product of what the eighties did best – cheesy and silly it is, escapist and feel-good, most definitely." (DVD Times)
Memorable quote: "Can you tread water with that hook?"

 

[Photo: Associated Press. Source: IMDB.com]

Celebratory drink probably out of the question

Is anyone out there thinking that Eddie Van Halen and British actor Bill Nighly ("Love Actually") are twins separated at birth?

The reason I ask is that Eddie looks like he's going to be out of commission for a while, and maybe if Bill inherited any guitar skills, he could help out Van Halen if they do go through with a summer tour.

Eddie Van Halen has released a statement on his band's website that he'll soon enter rehab for unspecified reasons. Van Halen is set for induction in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Monday night, but there's no word on whether Eddie will be there or not.

My prediction: Eddie will be there, and the tour with David Lee Roth will be back on track by 9:02 a.m. Tuesday morning.

Top 5 suggested names for the Van Halen Summer 2007 tour:
5. "Jack Daniels presents Eddie Van Halen and Friends"
4. "Forget Brown M&Ms -- We Have Bigger Problems Now"
3. "Women and Hagar First"
2. "Rehabilitated and Reunited ... Really"
1. "Subject to cancellation. Please hold your ticket as receipt."

[Don't forget to listen to our Van Halen vs. Van Hagar podcast from last year. Fantastiche!]

This just in: No Van Halen show at the Hall?!?

Just when it's safe to get snarky and secure about Van Halen's future, someone throws a curveball that you weren't expecting. News reports this morning say that Van Halen won't be performing at all at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Instead, a "house band" or possibly Velvet Revolver will perform Van Halen's music.

David Lee Roth is enraged. Roth said he was looking forward to performing, but he refuses to sing "You Really Got Me" -- the tune picked out by organizers for that night -- because it's a Kinks' cover and not a true Van Halen song. Instead, Roth would prefer to sing "Jump" -- but organizers counter there might not be enough time to change plans.

Can this saga get any stranger?

'We've just lost the nicest guy in rock and roll'

Brad Delp, the lead singer for Boston, was found dead at his New Hampshire home on Friday. He was 55. There was no sign of foul play, the Associated Press reports, but the cause of death is under investigation.

Last night, the band's official website was taken down and replaced with a simple message: "We've just lost the nicest guy in rock and roll."

Top 5 Boston songs:
5. I Need Your Love: "I'm at the point of no return. I've finally crossed the line."
4. We're Ready: "I feel like I'm finally seeing the light."
3. Amanda: "Tomorrow may be too late."
2. Don't Look Back: "I see beyond the road I'm driving."
1. More Than A Feeling: "I closed my eyes and she slipped away."

Turn it on, turn it on again

Genesis has finally released its North American dates for its much-anticipated reunion tour. All told, the band has 13 dates scheduled, beginning Sept. 7 in Toronto and finishing Oct. 12 in Los Angeles.

For those us of south of the Mason-Dixon line, there's no justice. The furthest south they're going is Washington, D.C. Ouch! My guess is that some additional southern dates will be added eventually.

My friend and colleague Times pop music Sean Daly has composed his dream set list for the Genesis show over at his blog. Check it out.

I've already released my Top 5 favorite Genesis songs (and reasons I get the cold sweats thinking of the band in concert), so I have to get original today.

Top 5 most over-played Genesis songs:
5. That's All: Living with this song is just putting me through it all of the time.
4. Land of Confusion: Did you read the news today? It says this song needs to go away.
3. Abacab: Tell me, do you think I'm to blame? Umm, yep.
2. Illegal Alien: It's not fun listening to Illegal Alien.
1. Invisible Touch: This song takes control of the radio, and slowly tears it apart.

Instead play these 5 songs:
5. Tonight, Tonight, Tonight: "You keep telling me you're gonna help me, you're gonna help me, but you don't."
4. Turn It On Again: "Can I meet you another day and we can fly away."
3. Mama: "I can't see you mama but I know you're always there."
2. No Reply At All: "Be with me. Seems you're never here with me."
1. Man On The Corner: "Like a monkey on your back, you need it."

Crossing the bridge to Brigadoon

John Lee Spears: Feb. 17, 1940 -- March 8, 2007

My dad's top 5 favorite movies:
5. A Bridge Too Far (1977): "This is a story you will tell your grandchildren; and mightily bored they'll be."
4. Animal House (1978): "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."
3. Patton (1970): "There's only one proper way for a professional soldier to die: the last bullet of the last battle of the last war."
2. On The Beach (1959): "There isn't time. No time to love... nothing to remember... nothing worth remembering."
1. Brigadoon (1954): "It's the hardest thing in the world to give everything. Though it's usually the only way to get everything."

Blog battle: Sting's the real talent here

Episode III: Return of the Pop Critic... So Times pop critic Sean Daly, still fresh from licking his wounds over Huey Lewis' insults, has challenged the Stuck in the 80s institution to a blog battle. I don't think this is going to do much for his confidence, but so be it.

Today's battle: Sting vs. The Police.

This time around we didn't even have to pick the shortest straw: I'm here to say for all mankind that Sting's solo career vastly overshadows and exceeds his success with The Police. I could spell out the reasons in narrative form like predictable ole Daly, a man so technologically impaired that I recently gave him the book "Tron - For Dummies" for Christmas. But I'd rather give you a flashy list instead. Click here to read his sorry excuse for journalism and then enjoy my rebuttal...

Top 5 reasons why Sting is better without The Police:

5. The Police's defining (and final) album, Synchronicity, features a bunch of hits -- written entirely by Sting. It's practically a "pre-debut" solo album for Sting. What happens when you involve Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers? A pair of hideous tunes ("Mother" and "Miss Gradenko").

4. Sting leaves The Police and immediately starts having marathon tantric sex with his wife. Sean can warble all he wants about choosing the "bone over the band," but I've been in a couple bands myself, and -- if I had the ability -- I'm choosing the 8-hour bedroom fiesta every time.

3. Sting's first solo album is -- dare I say -- a classic. "Dream of the Blue Turtles" incorporated Sting's love of jazz with his politically-infused lyrics and STILL had four huge hits. And this was 1985 -- not exactly a banner year for jazzy political manifestos. Worried about a sophomore slump? Sting's second album -- "Nothing Like The Sun" -- also had four more hits, including the brilliant "Be Still My Beating Heart."

2. Let's talk about the song Roxanne. Great song ... until Eddie Murphy had to sing it in 48 Hours. Now, every time a bar holds a karaoke night, some yeehaw has to get up and scream Roxanne just like Eddie. (Is this The Police's fault? No, but somebody's gotta take the blame, and it ain't gonna be Sting.)

1. All told, Sting has landed 19 songs on the U.S. charts. And I'd rather listen to any of them before hearing "De Do Do Do De Da Da Da" or "Invisible Sun" one more time. In fact, I'd rather forfeit my tax refund check to help pay for Daly's chest-hair implants than listen to either of those tunes.

On a more personal note, I've seen Sting twice live in concert, and the first one (1985 in Gainesville, Fla.) was an experience I'll never forget -- complete with bags of Ronrico rum secretly hidden in my GAP jeans, a very hot but drunk date, puddles of vomit and the mysterious a