Casual Sex with Lea Thompson!

Lea Thompson is 47 years old today! That means time is running out for me and her to ditch our spouses and flee to the Florida Keys where we'll spend the rest of lives swinging in hammocks, drinking Red Stripe beer and watching her old movies on DVD.

That's a fairly tall order, since she's married to Some Kind of Wonderful director Howard Deutch, and I'm married to Jennifer Jason Leigh. But Jennifer and Howie will understand. I mean, true love cannot be denied, right?

TOP 5 LEA THOMPSON MOVIES FROM THE '80s:
5. Space Camp (1986): "In space, anything is possible."
4. Casual Sex? (1988): "It was the early eighties, and sex was still a good way to meet new people."
3. Red Dawn (1984): "I'll never love anybody again!"
2. Back to the Future (1985): "That is your name, isn't it? Calvin Klein? It's written all over your underwear."
1. Some Kind of Wonderful (1987): "I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons then alone for the right."

(Now, I know a lot of people are going to scream and say, 'Where's 'All The Right Moves?' And you're right, great flick! But I can't stand to watch her and Tom Cruise naked together, especially after that falling out Tom and I had over Nicole. So I'm sticking with Space Camp for the No. 5 spot.)

The perfume of a Prince

If he were any other artist, a gig at a department store would smell more like desperation. But for Prince, who's been on top of the world since his Super Bowl halftime gig in Miami, his planned performance at a Minneapolis Macy's is probably the first whiff of another success.

Prince's July 7 show at Macy's will kick off the sale of his new perfume -- 3121 (not coincidentally also the name of his new album and website). According to his website, the 3121 fragrance "was created in full concert with the artist, resulting in an enticing scent that captures the essence of his eclectic style and music genius."

For fans who can't get enough of the Purple One, he's offering "The Ultimate Prince Xperience." For $250, fans get a ticket to the Macy's show, a seat at Prince's Target Center concert later that night, a 3.4-ounce bottle of the female fragrance -- and a t-shirt, of course.

Prince lyric trivia challenge

Can you name the songs in which these lines appear?

1. "Ain't nothin' but a muffin"

2. "Is it really necessary for me to go out of the room just because you wanna undress?"

3. "Love will conquer if you just believe"

4. "A love like ours is never out of season"

5. "Everybody's got a bomb, we could all die any day"

The heat goes on for Carl Palmer

Hey Asia fans -- I hope you have your tickets in hand, because the reunion tour is about to begin again in North America. The band begins in Sarasota, Fla., on June 13 then hits our home here in Clearwater at Ruth Eckerd Hall on June 14.

I talked to Asia drummer Carl Palmer for about a half hour yesterday from London, where rehearsals are about to begin again, and Carl says the band is excited about hitting some cities the band has never seen before. Seems that back in 1983 and again last year during the first leg of the reunion tour, the number of U.S. venues was kept pretty small. This time, though, they're going to try to hit all the major markets.

What else did Carl and I talk about?

• The making of the debut album 25 years ago.
• The surprise entrance and exit of singer Greg Lake.
• MTV's Asia in Asia concert in Tokyo.
• The band's current set list.

I'm sure we talked about lots more but at one point, I think I had a stroke after Carl said, "Tell the manager to let you backstage ... I'd like to meet you in person and introduce you to the band." (Sound of Steve hitting the floor).

Look for the full Asia podcast along with the Carl Palmer interview early next week!

Chuck Norris: 'Sweep the leg!'

Karate Kid fans, raise your hands. (Come on ... raise them. I know you're out there. It's okay to wax-on and wax-off. Just not at work.)

Did you know that Chuck Norris was originally offered the villainous role as "John Kreese," the Cobra Kai dojo instructer, in the 1984 flick? The part eventually went to Martin Kove (whose other signature work, aside from Karate Kid sequels, was as "Det. Victor Isbecki" in TV's "Cagney & Lacey.")

That's just one really cool trivia factoid you get from the website Notstarring.com, which focuses on stars and the movie roles they turned down. The website allows you to browse by movie, actor and even the year. Information is submitted by die-hard fans. Click here to see the top rejected roles from '80s movies.

Some other eye-catching rejections, according to Notstarring.com:

• Nick Nolte and Debra Winger turned down the lead roles in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
• Mark Hamill was considered for the lead in Amadeus after playing the role on Broadway.
• Ralph Macchio turned down the role of Marty McFly in Back to the Future. The part went to Eric Stoltz (which we all knew from our podcast), who was replaced later by Michael J. Fox.

Click to the website for more revelations.

Rockin' the Paradise with Chuck Panozzo

When it comes to retelling the history of a band as legendary as Styx, it was "The Best of Times" and it was the "Mr. Roboto" of times. But founding member and bassist Chuck Panozzo wasn't going to shy away from either in his new tell-all book "Grand Illusions: Love, Lies and My Life with Styx."

This week's Stuck in the 80s podcast is a tribute to Styx and features an interview with Panozzo, who called us from his home in Fort Lauderdale shortly before leaving for a tour in Canada. Styx plays Tampa's Ford Amphitheare on Aug. 24.

Panozzo talked about his secret life as gay man in a rock band (he came out in 2001), his struggle with AIDS, dealing with female groupies and the possible return of Dennis DeYoung to the band.

Here are some highlights:

On the band's reaction to his book: Tommy (Shaw) gave me a glowing review. JY (James Young) was a little concerned. He said, 'You know, Charles, this is the first definitive book about Styx.' I said, 'James, this is the first definitive book about Chuck Panozzo.' Once he read it, he was very happy. I think it was more concern that we might be sued by Dennis, which I said, 'I'll take the blame for that.' It's not a bash book -- Styx is in the background of my life."

On Dennis DeYoung's reaction: "I haven't heard any reponses from him. The whole thing is a misfortune. I've known Dennis since we were kids. It doesn't make me feel any better that he's not in the band, but he's gone his direction and we've tried to stay true to ours."

On the breakup of Styx in the '80s: "My (opinion) was ... we have these three incredible songwriters. All of them should be represented on an album. All of them should have a shot at a single. And when that wasn't happening, there was just a lot of unhappiness. Because I wasn't a writer, I couldn't say too much. We're talking about ego, greed and money."

On the album "Kilroy Was Here": "There's nothing wrong with the product, but I think it was geared toward 9- and 10-year-old kids as opposed to 19 and 20 year olds. When my nephew goes 'Uncle Chuckie, I really like Mr. Roboto.' I want to say, 'Chris, when your voice changes 10 years from now, I want to hear you say the same thing.' "

On DeYoung's possible return to the band: "Before any more of us die, I would hope that it could happen. Every year that it doesn't happen is another year that goes by. And if you wait too long, who will care?"

There's plenty more to hear, including a special "Name that Styx tune" challenge. Click here to download the podcast, or click here to subscribe for free via iTunes.

Is your life a mess? Let the Coreys help

They haunt our dreams. We want to remember them for "Lost Boys," "Goonies" and "Lucas." But flicks like "Dream a Little Dream" and "License to Drive" turn a lovely stroll down Memory Lane into a car-jacking down Debacle Drive.

Love them or loathe them, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are back in the headlines. MSN TV's website recently added a new "Ask the Coreys" feature where fans can ask the pair literally anything -- for relationship tips, acting advice, a personal loan to cover your Internet porn addiction ... you name it. (Click here to visit the website.)

The two '80s icons are set to star in their own faux/reality show -- "The Two Coreys" -- on A&E starting July 15. Word has it that the show is based on "fictional" versions of both Coteys -- one married with a kid (Feldman) and the other (Haim) a bachelor bent on shaking up his friend's serene life.

So what questions might fans ask on "Ask the Coreys?" So many questions come to mind. Here are a few to start with:

• "Mr. Haim, do you think it's creepy that you had a beefcake poster of Rob Lowe on your bedroom wall in 'The Lost Boys?' "
• "Was 'Dream a Little Dream 2' really necessary?"
• "Who scored more on the set of 'Lucas?' You or Charlie Sheen?"
• "Mr. Feldman -- Meatballs 4?"

Louis Gossett -- I want your D.O.R.

There are movies that would be totally forgettable -- save the performance of an unbelievable supporting actor. Sean Penn in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." F. Murray Abraham in "Amadeus." Jon Cryer in "Pretty in Pink." Rob Lowe in "Class."

And then there's Louis Gossett Jr. in "An Officer and a Gentlemen." Gossett, who turns 71 years old today, won an Oscar and Golden Globe for his role as "Sgt. Foley"  in the 1982 movie.

His scenes as the hard-driving drill sergeant -- along with the too-brief appearance of Robert Loggia -- are possibly the only reasons to suffer through the mopish line-delivery of Richard Gere, who has as much chemistry with Debra Winger as Ralph Macchio and Elisabeth Shue in "The Karate Kid" ("Romance ...does not exist in this dojo ... does it?)

Can you believe he followed up that once-in-a-lifetime performance with a role in el-bombo "Jaws 3-D?" After that it was "Enemy Mine" in 1985 and "Iron Eagle" in 1986 (Did you know there are now four "Iron Eagle" movies? That's right -- four. Never mind "Sgt. Foley" -- he has the brilliant material of "Chappy Sinclair" to fall back on.)

TOP 5 LOUIS GOSSETT JR. LINES FROM THE '80s:

5. "You called me a 'ewe' ... is that what you think I am? A female sheep?!?" (Officer and a Gentleman)

4. "I'd like to replace your old rusty lock with a brand new one. The kind that only a .357 Magnum can get through." (The Principal)

3. "Max. I just want you to know... that I blame *you* for this." (Firewalker)

2. "Twenty two years! I've seen young boys blown out of the air, over the Pacific. I've seen their guts sprawled all over the rice paddies in Vietnam, so whenever somebody dies for this country, believe me boy, I GIVE A #@#*!" (Iron Eagle)

1. "Earthman, your Mickey Mouse is one big stupid dope!" (Enemy Mine)

Bram Stoker would roll over in his coffin

It has been 110 years to the day -- May 26, 1897 -- that Bram Stoker's "Dracula" hit bookstores, though the book that would launch a thousand vampire movies wasn't a big hit at first. It wasn't until the 1920s, when stage versions of the book hit New York, that Stoker was finally recognized for his landmark novel.

(It probably didn't help that there weren't any Barnes & Nobles and frothy mochachinos back in the Victorian age. But I digress.)

So it seems like a good time to appreciate the vampire movies of the '80s. But since it's a holiday weekend here in the U.S., let's keep it light.

Funniest vampire movies of the '80s:

Once Bitten (1985): Jim Carrey, Lauren Hutton. Memorable line: "I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boys' Choir hit town." One nasty review: "The jokes are almost funny, the story almost makes sense, and the film as a whole is almost enjoyable."

The Lost Boys (1987): Jason Patric, Corey Haim. Memorable line: "One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires." One nasty review: "An ambitious entertainment that starts out well but ends up selling its soul."

My Best Friend is a Vampire (1988): Robert Sean Leonard, Rene Auberjuonois. Memorable line: "This blood's for you." One nasty review: "It is a vampire comedy, although one that isn’t particularly funny and most certainly is not the remotest part scary."

Fright Night (1985): Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowall. Memorable line: "Kill me, Charley ... before I turn into a vampire, and... give you a hickey!" One nasty review: "Not a distinguished movie, but it has a lot of fun being undistinguished."

Beverly Hills Vamp (1988): Britt Ekland, Eddie Deezen. Memorable line: "Is that a stake in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?"

The Monster Squad (1987): Andre Gower, Stephen Macht. Memorable line: "Creature stole my twinkie!" One nasty review: "Most of what's included in this unapologetically scrambled mixture of 'Goonies,' Hardy Boys adventures, 'Ghostbusters' and Abbott and Costello monster films is bad actors wandering around in bad makeup and rubber masks."

Also: Polish Vampire in Burbank (1985), Blood Suckers from Outer Space (1984), I Married a Vampire (1987)

 

Fans of a-ha demand justice

Remember our "One-hit wonders of 1985" podcast? They'll still burning it in effigy across the Atlantic. Well, I guess you can't burn a podcast. But they're downloading it and then maliciously deleting it immediately.

The Stuck in the 80s mailbox here is overstuffed with e-mails from across Europe, the Middle East and Iowa (strangely enough), all demanding that we do a show entirely on their beloved band -- a-ha. Here are some examples of the e-mails:

Nili from Israel: "Yes, this is another determined a-ha fan, wanting you to know that they are still alive and kicking - and they're great. First listen to some of their records, then tell us what you think. I have a feeling you might change your mind."

Stuart from Glascow, Scotland: "Just because they don't sell many singles of CDs does not mean that they don't have success elsewhere in the world... So please give them some credit and respect. After all, how many bands from the 80s era are still together?"

Morten from Norway: "a-ha has been recording and touring through the '80s, '90s and to the present, particulary in Europe and Japan and South America. There are so many old songs that American fans never got to hear."

Sylwia from Kraków, Poland: "I'm writing to say calling a-ha a one-hit wonder is just unfair. And the truth is they are much more than 'Take On Me.' They're kings of melancholic, haunting ballads. They can strongly rock and they are perfect at dark tunes. And Morten Harket's voice? Not only can it be high but it's also soft, sensual, sexy and extremely expressive. It can be strong and roaring as well as delicate and tender, ephemeral."

Julia from Denmark: "Are you mad man! They are the greatest -- how can a group with eight studio albums, one live album, several greatest hits compilations and gigs this summer be one-hit wonders?"

So needless to say we're working on an a-ha podcast now. But what I'd really love to know from the die-hard a-ha fans is this: What do you think the band's five best songs are?

Just drop us a comment below and we'll make sure they're on the show.

Standing up for the rights of other '80s fans

Talking endlessly about the '80s with all of you around the world is reward enough, but yesterday Stuck in the 80s was named the best media-affiliated entertainment blog in the country at the 2007 Eppy Awards. It was the 12th year the awards, presented by Editor & Publisher magazine and Mediaweek, were presented to outstanding websites around the world. Our sister blog on Florida politics -- The Buzz -- was a finalist for best news blog.

This is the second national award given to Stuck in the 80s. (Last year, it won for Best Online Community by the Online News Association.) I'm starting to feel a little like Robert Carradine in Revenge of the Nerds. Maybe Anthony Edwards. Definitely not Booger or Ogre (though I can do a mean belch). When accepting the award, I didn't give the whole "I'm standing up for the rights of other nerds" speech, but I was tempted. Instead, I had a check-list in my mind in case I won, so I followed it:

1. Don't yell "Victory" or start singing French national anthem when announcement is made. (Check)
2. Don't pull a Chevy Chase and fall on the steps up to the stage. (Check)
3. Don't drop large glass plaque a la Mel Brooks in History of the World. Oy! (Check)
4. Introduce myself clearly on microphone. (Umm, I think I sorta mangled it. People were calling me 'Sven Pierce' afterward -- in the glow of the moment, I must have sounded Swedish.)

Then comes the free-wheeling part. I blurted out, "I thought I'd never get to do this, but thanks go to Rick Springfield, Molly Ringwald, John Hughes and Steve Perry for all their help and for keeping me stuck in the 80s." Big laugh from the audience, who until then were probably wondering why I was the only one there wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

If they'd given me more than 15 seconds to talk, I would have thanked all of you too. It's your continued participation in this blog that makes it especially worthwhile to me. Keep the e-mails and comments coming. And remember, "No one will really be free until '80s persecution ends."

Top 5 printable lines from Revenge of the Nerds:
5. "I've been out combing the high schools all day."
4. "Nerds saw me naked!"
3. "What the *@#! are robster craws?
2. "No one will really be free until nerd persecution ends.
1. "I'm a nerd too. I just found that out tonight. We have news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us then there are of you."

Meet Moses' forgotten brother

Today's retro-review: 1980's Wholly Moses, starring Dudley Moore and Laraine Newman. This is a movie that cleared belonged in my "Blasphemy of the 80s" review, but woe unto me, I forgot it was an 80s flick.

The plot: Two tourists in Israel discover an ancient scroll about the life of Herschel, a man who overhears God talking to his brother Moses and believes it's his mission to free his people from slavery in Egypt. Along the way, alternative versions of the stories of Lot, Jesus and David & Goliath are explained.

Sound familiar?: Yeah, very much like Monty Python's Life of Brian or Mel Brooks' History of the World Part 1.

Maybe you remember: The late John Ritter as the devil and the late John Houseman as the head angel. I doubt either of them listed their performances here high on their resumes, but they should have.

Surely you can't forget: Richard Pryor as the Pharaoh, with a lisp for some reason. As if Pryor as Pharaoh wasn't over-the-top enough.

One nasty review: "It feels like a series of 'guest star' cameo appearances on a TV show we wouldn't want to see in the first place." (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)

Why we love it anyway: I'm a firm believer that Dudley Moore is one of the most underrated actors of his generation. He left us five years ago with far too few films to relish -- this is one to appreciate again. If you think of it, the movie is full of actors who left us too early. Plus, you just can't get quality comedies about religions anymore today. They ought to make this one part of a box set.

Top 5 Dudley Moore movies:

5. Crazy People (1990): "Who here wants to be a fire truck?"

4. Wholly Moses (1980): "What's that? My Arabic is a little rusty."

3. 10 (1979): "I'll have another double Don. Double Don, God, that's going to be difficult to say by the shank of the evening. Better make that one a single."

2. Bedazzled (1967): "Well, I suppose Lust and Gluttony really have to be rather near the bathroom."

1. Arthur (1981): "You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing GREAT with you!"

How to spend your concert money this summer

We're getting closer and closer to the unofficial "Summer of the '80s" -- when just about every band from our favorite decade has decided to hit the road on mega-tours. Some acts, such as The Police and Asia, haven't played together in a quarter century. Others, including Rush and Genesis, have been laying low and are ready for triumphant returns.

The biggest debate among fans should be: Who am I going to spend my hard-earned change on, because hitting every tour would be more financially devastating than trying to pay Boy George's legal tab.

A quick must-see list:

No. 1: No offense to my detractors, but I'm putting Asia at the top of my personal list of must-see acts. Just found my tickets in the mailbox this weekend in fact. I get the feeling that this may be a one-and-only shot at seeing them perform their best material, and I certainly don't want to jinx them, but they have a habit of not staying together for the long run. So I figure it's now or never. And I can't live with never.

No. 2: Rush has the No. 3 album right now with "Snakes & Arrows." Our favorite Canadian prog-rockers kick off their tour right here in Florida. Expect 20,000 air-drummers following Neil Peart's every stick move. Will the show be diluted by too many cuts off the new disc? Times pop critic Sean Daly and I will let you know on June 15, the night after they play Tampa's Ford Amphitheatre.

No. 3: Genesis sounds like a can't-miss show, currently preparing to tour Europe with their original lineup (minus Peter Gabriel). But unless you live in a major metro area, you're going to have a buy a plane ticket. Their current tour schedule is pretty limited. But, like Asia, they'll be touring on their strength of their greatest hits, with no current album to pimp.

No. 4: The Police fall all the way to fourth on my list. (And to be honest, I'm not planning on seeing their show here in Tampa.) I've always thought their biggest fans were themselves. I can't see Geddy Lee getting on stage at the Grammy's and boasting, "We're Rush and we're back!" But, like Asia and Genesis, fans can at least count on a hit-filled show.

No. 5: Let's wait and see for our final slot. There are a ton of bands out there just starting to fill out their summer calendars, including Heart, REO Speedwagon, Styx, Foreigner, Def Leppard, Pat Benatar and more. If you're lucky and just happen to live in the right city, you'll have a rare chance to see acts including Crowded House, Erasure, Squeeze, The Jam, and even my beloved Hoodoo Gurus.

The point is: Save up, because you have some difficult choices ahead.

[Ticket montage courtesy of Debbie Kruger]

Stephen King slips to the Dark Side

Stephen King is a odd little cookie. In his latest column in Entertainment Weekly, King names his top 25 rock songs of all time. There are the predictable tunes by Elvis, the Beach Boys, the Beatles and even AC/DC (1976's "Ain't No Fun Waiting Round to Be a Millionaire") There's even an unexpected nod to the Sex Pistols: He names "Anarchy in the U.K." as his top pick. Way to go, Mr. K.

And then there's the unexpected. Like his No. 20 pick. Click to play and recoil in a horror more potent than any of his books:

 

"On the Dark Side" by John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band?

"Still smokin' after all these years. Simple and cool," King says.

We say: "Still sounds like Springsteen covering Neil Diamond's 'Cherry Cherry' after all these years." But whatever it takes to chase away the demons at night, Stephen, is fine by us.

* * *

Top 5 peppy songs from the '80s that shouldn't be on anyone's Top 25 list:

5. On the Dark Side (John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band): A one-hit wonder lip-synced by Michael Pare in "Eddie and the Cruisers."

4. Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves): Jack Black loved it in High Fidelity. Cusack hated it.

3. We Built This City (Starship): "Marconi plays La Bamba"? Oh please, tell me they never intended those lyrics to make the final cut of the song.

2. Sussudio (Phil Collins): If you're going to rip off a Prince song ("1999"), at least make it a good one.

1. Everybody Have Fun Tonight (Wang Chung): Possibly single-handedly responsible for any given person's hatred of '80s music.

'You wanna work at All-American Burger...'

Naysayers say the '80s were the "Me" decade. And what movie character personifies that attitude more than Judge Reinhold's  "Brad Hamilton" in 1982's Fast Times at Ridgemont High. In the infamous pool scene with Phoebe Cates, Brad takes matter into his own ... well, let's just leave it at that.

Reinhold turns 50 years old today. Incredible, huh? And you can say what you like about his "heavy-handed" performance in Fast Times, the guy was an '80s icon. Ruthless People, Lords of Discipline, even Stripes.

Jeesh, what would Beverly Hills Cop have been without Reinhold as Det. Rosewood? ("You know, it says here that by the time the average American is 50, he has five pounds of undigested red meat in his bowels." Wow, words to live by for you now, Judge.)

But today, for his big Five-Oh, he's all Brad...

Top 5 Brad Hamilton lines from Fast Times at Ridgemont High:
5. "Hope You had a hell of a p--s, Arnold!"
4. "Learn it. Know it. Live it."
3. "Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your a--!"
2. "I shall serve no fries before their time."
1. "Jeez. Doesn't anyone f----ng knock any more?"

Proof that there is no God (and if there is, he probably prefers Grunge)

I always worry about trying to be funny with made-up lyrics to an '80s song because it's just a matter of time to someone finds proof that the line between satire and reality is blurrier than it should be. Click "play" and be prepared to scream out in horror...

Thanks to Grand Llama for the heads-up: "Here in Indy there is a plumber using the number too, complete with annoying tv and radio ads... I think it is probably one of the national companies..."

For a good plunge, call 867-5309

Just like the '80s have never died, so have the famous digits of a memorable tune never faded. "Jenny" -- that minx whose phone digits I know better than my Social Security number -- is back. And it seems she's very popular with plumbers ... if you know what I mean.

Actually you probably don't, so here goes: Two plumbing companies are fighting for the rights to use "867-5309" -- better known as the catchy pop tune by Tommy Tutone that hit No. 4 on the charts back in 1982. Rhode Island's Gem Plumbing & Heating had trademarked the phone number after acquiring it from its original owner, Brown University, which was more than happy to be rid of the constant gag phone calls. But Sarasota-based Clockwork Home Services also uses a toll-free version of the phone number in New England.

A federal judge in Boston recently rules that Gem has the exclusive rights to the phone number in Rhode Island and Massachusetts. But Clockwork vows to fight on. Why? No clue. If anything, I think Stuck in the '80s should claim exclusive rights to the phone number. Afterall, at least we HAVE an '80s connection.

What does Tommy Tutone think of the fight over his signature tune? "If I wanted to get into it, I could probably take the number away from both of them," Tutone told the Boston Globe.

But maybe Tutone could make a little extra coin by rewriting the song for the winning plumbing firm. Let's just hope Gem wins, because it makes it easier to compose...

"Gemmy, Gemmy, I need to call you.
The sink is drippy and the toilet's backed up too.
I know you think my pipes are rusty and old.
But come unplug them, I'll pay you ten-fold."

"Gemmy, I got your number,
It's OK that it doesn't rhyme.
Gemmy, don't change your number,
8-6-7 5-3-0-9 (8-6-7 5-3-0-9)
8-6-7 5-3-0-9 (8-6-7 5-3-0-9)"

'It won't kill ya. But it will make you very sore'

Today's retro-review: The 1987 flick Real Men, starring Jim Belushi and the late John Ritter. A lot of '80s fans will say you either "get this movie" or you don't. Very important first tip to "getting it": Suspend all sense of belief. This "sci-fi/espionage/farce" requires logic be set aside for full enjoyment.

The plot: Belushi is a secret agent on a mission to rendezvous with visiting aliens. Ritter is a wimpy neighborhood dad who accidentally gets teamed up with Belushi. Together they must fight the Russians, other U.S. agents gone bad and get to the aliens in time to bring them a special gift: a glass of water.

Sound absurd?: The plot's silliness is part of the film's charm. One reviewer said Real Men has "a sense of humour that is so way out that it ends up generating a silliness that sort of transcends itself." Think "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle." But with no burgers -- and far less pot.

Maybe you remember: Belushi was cranking out movies in the second half of the '80s. Real Men falls between the drama "The Principal" and the buddy-cop action flick "Red Heat." Ritter, on the other hand, was just making TV movies at the time. His under-appreciated role in Blake Edward's "Skin Deep" would follow in two years.

Surely you can't forget: Perhaps the signature scene of the movie is Ritter running around during a shootout, thinking his fingers are a gun and yelling "Bang!" Classic.

One review: "The last twenty minutes or so of the movie are seriously devoid of humor, both in quantity and quality." -- Unknown Movies. But the same guy also says: "Who'd ever think that James Belushi and John Ritter could be funny? Maybe there's hope for Pauly Shore after all."

Favorite dialog from Real Men:

Ritter: "I didn't know you smoked."
Belushi: "Just after sex, Bob. I'm trying to give it up."
Ritter: "Well, at least you don't smoke that much."
Belushi: "About a pack a day."
Ritter: "That'll kill ya!"
Belushi: "Bob, it won't kill ya. But it will make you very sore."

[Source: IMBD.com]

'Boys! Avenge me!'

Wow. I know we all get old, but Harry Dean Stanton is making an art form out of it. (In all fairness, he's 80 years old.) Stanton attended the May 10 premiere of his new movie "The Wendell Baker Story" in Los Angeles. The buzz on the film, which stars Luke and Owen Wilson, is phenomenal -- with a lot of critics specifically praising Stanton's performance.

That should be no surprise to long-time fans. Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger once said "no movie featuring Harry Dean Stanton or M. Emmet Walsh in a supporting role can be altogether bad." (Though he appropriately reconsidered his theorem after 1989's "Dream a Little Dream.")

But if I must pick his five best? (Oh, I must.)

TOP 5 HARRY DEAN STANTON FLICKS FROM THE '80s:

5. Pretty in Pink (1986): "Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean they're gonna love you back."

4. Red Dawn (1984): "Boys! Avenge me! Aveeeeenge me!"

3. Young Doctors in Love (1982): "There are over twenty bodily fluids present in the human body and I am proud to say I have tasted all of them."

2. Escape from New York (1981): "They're savages, Mr. President."

1. Repo Man (1984): "Credit is a sacred trust, it's what our free society is founded on. Do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia?"

No livin' in the love of the common people

We recorded a podcast, you listened, you reacted and we got the message: We suck.

Yes, our "One-hit wonders of 1985" episode of Stuck in the '80s might have shaken the global '80s community more than both Bush presidencies, New Coke and the cancellation of "Square Pegs" put together.

As co-host Cathy Wos says, our misdeeds may cause a whole generation of music-lovers to return to 8-track tapes. It seems people didn't take kindly to artists like a-Ha and Paul Young being included on the list. But hey, it's show business, and we'll take our lumps accordingly.

So this week's podcast -- "Our listeners fire back" -- is our attempt to make amends. Click here (or subscribe via iTunes) and be prepared to hear some truly under-appreciated music from our favorite decade. And as a special bonus, you'll hear Times pop critic Sean Daly sing an REO Speedwagon love song montage to his favorite two foods -- Ramen noodles and Velveeta cheese (together, of course).

Name that '80s tune winner: Only the mighty "Sweet Lou" Grilli of St. Petersburg knew the mysterious song clip from episode 85 -- "Who's Zoomin' Who" by Aretha Franklin. Shame on the rest of you.

'Game over, man! Game over!'

Bill Paxton turns 52 on Thursday. Are you kidding me? Paxton looks like he's been about 42 years old since about the third grade.

While he may be best remembered for roles in Twister (1996), True Lies (1995) and Apollo 13 (1994), don't forget that he had some truly classic performances in the '80s. In fact, I dare say some of his most quotable lines are all-80s.

I'll also go on the record and say his role as "Chet Donnelly" in Weird Science is perhaps the best supporting acting job in any John Hughes flick. (Yeah, better than "Duckie Dale" in Pretty in Pink.)

TOP 5 BILL PAXTON LINES FROM THE '80s:

• Streets of Fire (1984): "Let's see the color of your money."
• Near Dark (1987): " Howdy. I'm gonna separate your head from your shoulders. Hope you don't mind none."
• Lords of Discipline (1983): "You're gonna be my little piggy-bank."
• Aliens (1986): "Game over, man! Game over!"
• Weird Science (1984): "You're stewed, buttwad!"

An infamous figure passes

The Rev. Jerry Falwell died Tuesday at age 73. And I know we spend much of our time on this blog talking about the music and movies of the decade, but I'd be derelict in my duties if I didn't touch on Falwell's "contributions" to the '80s.

• He co-founded the Moral Majority in 1979, creating a conservative movement in politics that helped elect Ronald Reagan to the U.S. presidency.
• He supported the apartheid system of rule in South Africa and urged Christians to invest in the country when the rest of the world boycotted the white-minority government.
• And most famously, he crossed swords with Hustler publisher Larry Flynt over Hustler's parody ad in 1983 about Falwell's "first time" -- a fake Q&A describing Falwell having sex with his mother in an outhouse.

Falwell sued Flynt for libel and intentional infliction of emotional distress. While he was found innocent of libel, a jury did find Flynt guilty of the "emotional distress" charge. Ultimately, the U.S. Supreme Court would rule in 1988 that a public figure could not recover damages for emotional distress based on a satire or parody.

In 1997, the two public figures met face to face again on the Larry King Show (on the eve of the film premiere of "The People vs. Larry Flynt"). Click the link to read the full transcript, but my favorite exchange -- the one that I think epitomizes their difference is this exchange. Click the link below to continue.

Ain't missing him at all? Just the opposite

John Waite is back on the charts -- but not the pop charts or even the adult contemporary charts. He has re-recorded his signature tune "Missing You" as a duet with Alison Krauss, and for the last month it has landed on the "Great American Country" top 20 chart.

Waite also is touring this summer, playing dates around the U.S. with other '80s acts with bands including Kansas, Foreigner and Richard Marx. (See a full list of dates on Waite's official website.)

On Sept. 15, Waite joins Rick Springfield and Eddie Money for '80s Superfest in Clearwater, Fla., at Ruth Eckerd Hall. (Yep, the same sorta blockbuster '80s show that led us to record an epic podcast live from backstage last year. Click here to listen to interviews with Springfield, Loverboy and Patty Smyth.)

True story: When I got word that Waite was replacing Scandal on the '80s Superfest stop in Clearwater, I thought I heard it was "Tom Waits" not John Waite. I thought pairing Mr. "Rain Dogs" with pop-rockers Springfield and Money was an odd play. Glad I double-checked that before printing it.

Today's list: No grief about my No. 1 pick today, ok? I've loved this particular tune ever since hearing it at the end of the 1986 flick "About Last Night," when Rob Lowe chases after Demi Moore. Dare I say classic?

TOP 5 JOHN WAITE TUNES:
5. Every Step of the Way: "You're the meaning of success to me 'cause anything you want, you can get from me."
4. Tears: "Somewhere in your heart there must be a place for me."
3. Missing You: " Everytime I think of you, I always catch my breath."
2. Change: "We always wish for money. We always wish for fame."
1. If Anybody Had a Heart: " In this world of right and wrong, the hardest part is beginning." 

Styx's Grand Illusion

Just finished reading "The Grand Illusion," the autobiography of Chuck Panozzo, the bass player for Styx. Fascinating stuff. The main revelation of the book, if you didn't know already, is that Panozzo concealed the fact that he was gay during most of his years with the band. In fact, he only recently came out publicly in the last few years.

For fans of the band looking for insider scoop on Styx itself, Chuck doesn't disappoint. Here are some of the nuggets you can find:

• Dennis DeYoung first played the accordion when he joined the band started by twin brothers Chuck and John Panozzo on the south side of Chicago. (John Panozzo was the band's original drummer but died in 1996 after losing his fight with alcoholism.)
• The original name of their hit "Show Me The Way" was actually "Roll Me Away." But Chuck didn't think it made any sense, so he suggested "Show Me The Way."
• Styx and DeYoung broke up briefly after the "Cornerstone" album, but it wasn't publicized.
• Speaking of Cornerstone, the song "Babe" was a last-second addition to the album. The band didn't like it, but relented after a bridge was added featuring more rock and harmonizing. "Babe" became Styx's first No. 1 hit.
• Producing the concept-album "Paradise Theater" was the band's way of luring DeYoung back to Styx.

If you want more, you'll have to read the book. Or listen to our upcoming podcast -- an interview with Chuck Panozzo. No need to say "thank you" -- "domo arigato" will do just fine.

No pop from Papa Joel ... but maybe Alexa

On the eve of the end of his spring tour, Billy Joel went on the record about recording new pop songs:  Not gonna happen. At least not anytime soon.

"Look, I still love rock-and-roll, I still love pop music," Joel told Therockradio.com a few days ago before playing a final gig in Minneapolis. "I haven't divorced myself from the material that I wrote before -- I mean, that's why I'm out here on the road playing this stuff -- and I still believe in it. But I don't feel compelled to write in song form anymore."

Speaking of his latest tour, Joel started covering songs from other popular artists including AC/DC ("Highway to Hell"), Bob Dylan ("Lay Lady Lay") and even the Beatles ("Oh, Darling"). He also dipped deep into his own material, singing two songs from the '70s -- "Zanzibar" and "Everybody Loves You Now."

My take: Oh hell, Billy has told us all before he's not recording any more pop, but it still hurts to hear him constantly reinforce it. Sorta like having your parents tell you and your sister on Christmas morning that you were both "mistakes." (Ummm ... or so I'm told.) But as long as Joel continues to tour and play his hits (and the Christmas presents keep coming), do we really care?

SPEAKING OF JOEL: There's another Joel on the music scene these days -- his daughter Alexa Ray Joel, who just released a debut CD of six songs called "Sketches." But before you think she's getting all the breaks because of Dad, hear this out: She self-released the CD because she has no record label yet.

Still, it can't hurt to call home sometimes, right?

"When I first started writing songs I'd always show them to my dad but because he's so amazing he'd instantly make them way better," Alexa Joel told the Press-Enterprise during a recent interview. "I started to realize that doing that was basically cheating, so now he doesn't get to hear anything until it's done."

Go to her official website or myspace page to hear some of the tunes. (Freakishly realistic photo, isn't it? She's got Christie Brinkley's face but Billy's eyes.)

REO at home again on charts

What a week for music fans. First Rush's new CD debuts high on the charts. And now REO Speedwagon's first single from their new album lands at No. 30 as well.

I'm telling you: The '80s are back. Might as well go out there and burn your John Mayer and Fergie CDs, because it's only a matter of time before we're all feathering our hair again and wearing concert jerseys and navy blue corduroys. (Alas, the days of $14 concert tickets are probably gone for good.)

"I Needed To Fall" is the name of the REO tune off the CD "Find Your Own Way Home." It'll definitely remind you of their hits from the early 80s.

Click the play button to listen to a sample:

I'm not crying: Smoke's in my eyes

Today's retro-review: The 1989 film "Always," starring Richard Dreyfuss, Holly Hunter and John Goodman. A good pick since Florida is currently going up in flames thanks to hundreds of wildfires. (The smoke is so thick over the Tampa Bay area right now that people can't go outside -- at all.)

The plot: A brave but reckless firefighter/pilot (Dreyfuss) is killed during a forest fire battle, leaving his girlfriend (Hunter) and best friend (Goodman) to figure out how to survive without him. Lucky for them, Pete returns to earth in "spirit" form to help them -- and a young pilot -- find their way.

Sounds familiar: It's a remake of one of director Steven Spielberg's favorite childhood movies -- the 1943 flick "A Guy Named Joe." (Dreyfuss and Spielberg both loved the movie as children -- something they learned about each other while filming "Jaws.")

Maybe you remember: Brad Johnson ("Flight of the Intruder") playing "Ted Baker" -- the young pilot who is partnered with the Dreyfuss' ghost -- and his former girlfriend.

Surely you can't forget: The whistling skills of Dreyfuss, whose character Pete belts out snappy tunes whenever he gets nervous. You won't be able to get the ditty out of your head after seeing the movie.

One bad review: "The feeling of the film is more 1940s than 1980s, which is no doubt what Spielberg was hoping for, but I'm not sure it works." --Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times.

Why we love it anyway: Goodman is a god in this movie, reinforcing what I've always suspected: He was the genius behind the TV series "Roseanne." And while romantic films wouldn't become Spielberg's specialty, you have to admire his longtime passion for this story.

Top 5 lines from Always:

5. "Root beer. Don't forget the olive."

4. "He's too beautiful. He's too much twisted steel and sex appeal. I can't be with a guy that looks like I won him in a raffle."

3. "I know now, that the love we hold back is the only pain that follows us here."

2. "You quit, you gave up. He never quit on anything 'til it killed him, and that was his way, and there's much worse ways, and boy you sure found one."

1. "My engine's on fire! Can you believe that? And I was in such a good mood!"