Not even '80s tunes could save them

Jon Bon Jovi's guest-coaching gig on American Idol is over, and not even the pop-rock power and wide-smiled encouragement of our blow-dried Jersey hero could save Phil Stacey and Chris Richardson.

I finally watched a COMPLETE episode of the show on Tuesday night -- in hopes that they'd massacre the songs and leave the viewing public with no choice other than to finally turn the TV channel. Alas, the Idols did pretty good. And I can say I was actually -- shudder -- entertained.

Personally, I think the problem was they picked some of the most cliche and overplayed Bon Jovi tunes to perform. (Although, admittedly, being "cliche" isn't usually a handicap on American Idol.)

If I had a singing voice (I don't), good looks (I don't) and the courage to audition for America's second-cheesiest TV show (Hell no, Sparky!), here's the songs I'd pick from. I'm not saying these are Bon Jovi's best tunes -- merely the ones I'd choose to warble through.

Bad Medicine: Just because it reminds me of the 1985 movie with Steve Guttenberg and Taylor Negron.

Never Say Goodbye: Perfect song for when I get voted out by the largest margin in show history.

Who Says You Can't Go Home: Well, in this case, it'd be audience and tens of millions of viewers.