Blue-collar bards: Bon Jovi vs. Bruce

When it comes to 80s rock, give it to us loud, hard and hirsute. That's my motto. And that's why I challenged Times pop music critic and podcast co-host Sean Daly to another blog battle that will surely shake him to the base of his plastic-lacquered wig.

This week's challenge: Who's the ultimate 80s East Coast rocker -- Bon Jovi or Bruce Springsteen? Truth be told, Daly wanted to blog battle over best Spandau Ballet song -- he goes crazy for "Gold" -- but I talked him out of it. Instead, it's the Melee at the Meadowlands.

Sadly, this one isn't going to be a contest. But with both acts coming to Tampa Bay next year (Bruce on April 21 and Bon Jovi on April 27), I consider it a public service to mop up the St. Pete Times Forum with Sean's hairless rump. He'll still be fighting with drunken, sullen townies after that over-testosteroned 'Steen show while I'm celebrating Jersey style as Ritchie Sambora brings me on stage to play guitar on Bad Medicine. ("I got all the symptoms count 'em 1,2,3!")

Read Sean's argument here. (Warning: He'll promise you heaven but put you through hell. So just take my hand, we'll make it, I swear...)

TOP 5 REASONS BON JOVI PREVAILS OVER SPRINGSTEEN:

5. I CAN UNDERSTAND JON BON JOVI: He sings a song, I hear the words, my head auto-bobs and if I've had enough alcohol, I might even sing along. When a Springsteen tune comes on, I immediately have to look up the lyrics so I can read along. Come on, Boss! Articulate! It's okay to look like a car mechanic. Just don't sing like one.

4. SPRINGSTEEN SONGS ARE DEPRESSING: Dude, we get it. Being broke sucks. Same with being a washed-up baseball pitcher. Or, say, being the former husband of a supermodel (ouch!). With that level of constant depression, it occurs to me that the Boss was "grunge" -- right down to his ratty flannel-wear -- long before the whole Seattle scene popped up like a cold sore on the music industry. And the only cool thing about grunge is that it's been dead and buried since the early 90s.

3. JON IS A MAN OF THE PEOPLE: He owns an Arena Football team. He hangs out on American Idol. He shows up to play a tune or two before the start of a Nascar race. He shaves. He's NOT doing a cover of "Froggie Went A-Courtin'." And unlike Springsteen, nobody confuses Bon Jovi with John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. (Brruuuuce! Sing "On The Dark Side!")

2. CHICKS DIG BON JOVI: Part of being a rock star is looking the part. Jon Bon Jovi could sing about a herpes sore and the ladies would swoon. He winks and the first 10 rows of the crowd pass out, including Mr. Daly (if he's not in between bites of his fish burrito). Jon's so good-looking that I'm pretty sure Springsteen dresses as Bon Jovi for Halloween. (Or at least Patti Scialfa asks him to.)

1. A BON JOVI SHOW IS ALL ABOUT FUN: Sean can talk all he wants about surviving a steamy afternoon in New Orleans, listening to Springsteen with Katrina survivors. (Did you know Bon Jovi donated $1-million to build Habitat for Humanity homes in Louisiana? That's class.) Bottom line: I don't like a heaping serving of depression at concerts. Give me an audience of Aqua-Net-soused, blue eye-shadowed sweeties in torn-up jeans jumping up and down for two hours and flashing their ta-ta's. Two hours later, they're racing home next to you, ready to fantasize about Jon during some post-concert nookie.

And I'm totally cool with that.

So who wins the blog battle? Sean with his sullen Springsteen? Or Jon Bon Jovi, hot sex and the American way?

Comments

[Marissa]

Well, I have to hand it to Bon Jovi on his ability to annunciate. 'The Boss' is not only starting to LOOK like Dylan, he's striving to sound like him ~ which is much like someone straining to pass a stone.

[B]

Um, how do you know that Sean's rump is hairless?

[Spears]

Sean's fond of saying the entire male faction of the Daly family is incapable of generating body hair (which also explains that lacquered wig he wears to work every day.)

[Jeff in Cuba]

Allow me to restate the fine piece of fence-sitting I just posted on Sean's blog.

While there's no doubt that the Boss casts a larger shadow of the whole of the American cultural landscape, he has long ago transcended his Jersey Shore 80's persona. Jon, on the other hand, has spent the ensuing 20 years building on his 80's rep. Bit player in cheesy popcorn movies? Ally McBeal's boyfriend? Arena football owner? American Idol featured guest? These are all the things I'm looking for in a non-challenging and accessible pop icon.

Bottom line: If the evaluation committee from the American Heritage Historical League knocks on my door I'm going to send them Bruce's way. But when my buddies drop by, we're going to grab some Twinkies and Diet Mountain Dew, cue up a little JBJ, and settle in to watch the Soul game.

[Marissa]

::gigglesnort:: Twinkies and Diet Mountain Dew? Jeff, you're so hardcore!

[michael]

There is no way Bon Bon is better than the Boss, at ANYTHING. No contest. Artist for all time versus pop boy.

[Miguel]

How can anybody like Bon Jovi???!!!
It`s like saying The Care Bears is the greatest cartoon ever!
I`m not a huge fan of Bruce but at least i respect him as an artist.

[Clyde]

"And the only cool thing about grunge is that it's been dead and buried since the early 90s."

I'm sorry, I totally disagree. Grunge was the last interesting "genre" of music we've had. Melvins, Tad, Failure, Helmet? Pick up some of those records and see for yourself. It was DIY music that the industry got ahold of and ruined. But can you honestly say we were better off with Cinderella or Britny Fox?

Funny, considering Bon Jovi went from a 3ft hairstyle and throwing roses from a cherry picker to a flannel-wearing crooner with straightened hair in the early 90's. So funny it was, to watch Bon Jovi reconfigure his whole style to "grungey" in order to move a few extra units...like he was always planning to go that route from the start.

[Clyde]

Oh...and I like my "Boss" completely miserable. The more miserable he is, the better the record. It's safe to say we won't have "I'm On Fire: The Musical" anytime soon...

[chase]

What, no love for John "It's Just Mellencamp" Mellencamp? He's kind of a Bruce you can understand.

[Marissa]

Clyde, Clyde, Clyde ~ Dear Bon Jovi was just showing diversity and ability to appeal to more than just one fan base. Sheesh! He's all about being country now. He might even wear Wranglers now. ::wink::

[Mike]

They're both great. I guess you wouldn't understand unless your from the New York Metro area. So sit down a listen to the music. It's an east coast thing. Open your mind.

[Rick]

I don't even hafta read Sean's Springsteen entry to know who wins! What a tour de force of blogging. Blog-o-rific! And boy did you pick the right dog in this fight, Steve!

But Mike? Listen, mumbling one's way through a bout of depression is only part of the "east coast thing" if your a bum on the mean streets of NYC.

(Nonetheless, the argument is really a case of apples and oranges. Like comparing Brad Pitt to Sean Penn. With Bon Jovi, you got an entertainer on one hand who seems to love life, and on the other Springsteen a discontented, self-important, under-educated, over-compensating would-be "artiste" mewling as if everyone were destitute and forlorn. Nothing chaps Springsteen's a** more than that Born in the USA was a big hit with real people, many of whom -- most of whom? -- voted for Reagan. He claims to be "of the people" but he loathes their reality, preferring the hypothetical underclass held down by some imaginary manicured thumb. Lastly Bon Jovi does Jersey proud rather than seeming to be ashamed of the place.)

[Spiky Sandy]

Nothing was better than Bruce's Born In The USA album. It was one of the defining albums of the 80's, depressing or not.

I will never forget listening to WAPP's battle of the bands winner, Bon Jovi, play for the first time on New York City radio. It was a great sound for us in high school and we loved them.

I believe I own only one CD of each. I, like Jeff from Cuba, will ride the fence on this one. Except for the Twinkies & Mountain Dew part. Twinkies don't taste the same as they used to when they were in my Snoopy lunchbox and Mountain Dew looks like neon pee.

[Spears]

It's the neon pee that makes Stuck in the 80s go.

Hey, that should be our corporate motto.

[specialk in Germany]

Hey Steve, finally got a chance to listen to the latest podcast. I'm thinking all your Mountain Drew drinking is what made your sheets glow in the dark! Just kidding! Got a good laugh out of that one!

[Ray]

I like both artists, but give the edge to the Boss.

For me comes down to the fact that I turn the radio almost anytime a "Slippery When Wet" tune pops up. Nothing against the music - it was just WAAYYY overplayed back in the day.

[Marissa]

Here's another factoid in Bon Jovi's corner. A feather in his well coifed hair..."Livin' on a Prayer" was THE NUMBER ONE SONG on VH1s 100 Greatest Songs of the 80s.

VH1 and their pompous lists can kiss my behind.......that's like saying Rolling Stone is right by putting Eddie Van Halen in the 70's of the best 100 guitarists ever.....oh wait. Rolling Stone did do that.

Just listen to Bruce's "Racing in the Street" from the triple album, Live 1975-85. End of discussion. Bruce wins. Heck, his late 70's/80's discography is just astounding. I was never a big Bruce fan until I started going past the radio hits of "Born in The USA", trust me, it's worth it on a long roadtrip.

I used to really like Bon Jovi, but if I hear "You Give Love a bad name" one more freakin' time........argh. Too cheesy. And though Bruce's Pete Seeger album was crap, Bon Jovi goes country was a thousand times worse.

[Al]

Whoops. That was me above.

[Carla]

I'm with Steve on this one... While Bruce deserves his props...over all, when I'm looking through my 6000+ songs on my Ipod... I don't get an overwhelming happy feeling when I see Bruce Springsteen. I don't feel like I can sit there and ROCK out to Bruce. Most of his songs are a bit on the depressing side.. and well, given the current state of life in my late 30's... depression is not what I'm going for!! Good memory that comes to mind when I hear "Cover Me"....4th of July, watching the fireworks.... getting my first hickie and well, seeing fireworks! :P

Bon Jovi, on the other hand, while they may have a serious song or two, You can put on ANY Bon Jovi cd and rock out to some 'hands down' feel good music. Put on Jon and the boys... and you are most certain to smile! Besides Jon, is still just plain sexy! Oh, and there is more than one memory that sticks in my head, of Slippery When Wet... and the back seat of a car!

Now, I haven't listened to the latest podcast... but my curiosity is most peaked when I read comments about Mountain Dew, glowing sheets, twinkies and neon pee ?????? Can't wait!!

[Jeff in Cuba]

In 1987-88 I shared a Waikiki apartment with my good friend Bob, and our freezer was always filled with Twinkies (and if you've never enjoyed the chewy, styrofoamy goodness of a frozen twinkie, do yourself a favor) and our fridge was always filled with Mountain Dew. That particular taste combination (once described by Bob's digusted girlfriend as "the equivalent of a beer bong of refined sugar") always takes me back to the 80's.

[Cait]

If you can come up with a JBJ lyric wasn't already a stale cliche before he used it, I'll take this faceoff seriously.

Bruce is a passionate artist. Jon is all business. I'd rather listen to music than just product, thanks.

[msjovi]

Bon Jovi wins:)
Bon Jovi is the best in every way!
Bon Jovi Rocks our socks off!
End of discussion! ;)

<3 Bon Jovi <3

[Carole]

How many brain cells do you folks require to understand that music is SUBJECTIVE, meaning influenced by personal opinion? There is no right or wrong, only opinion. Nirana=sucks, hip-hop=sucks, Aerosmith=awesome, The Stones=great, Springsteen=good, Nickelback=sucks, Bon Jovi=awesome for 25 fricking years. Get over yourselves. I’m not the final authority on music, BUT neither are you! Stop the bashing just because YOUR opinion is different.

[tays]

If you get depressed from listening to Springsteen then you don't have his whole catalog. I have everything he has ever made...some of it yes sad others up lifting rock and roll that rocks all out. Listen to " THUNDERCRACK" 10 min rocking song...happy song.

ummm...Bruce's concerts are LEGENDARY AND FUN! Just look at Quarter to Three!
And Bruce is sometimes depressed, but there's always a glimpse of hope at the end.
Bruce is not a man of the people? Are you high?
Have you been judging Bruce solely on BITUSA? Have you even heard of Thunder Road or Born to Run?

[Carrie]

Different styles of music. The two really cannot compare since Jon Bon Jovi himself said he does not and could never equal Bruce Springsteen (his own words said in interviews during his last tour). Both are good for the type of music they have.

Your examples are quite lame. Depressing Springsteen music? Sure some but you obviously have never been to a Springsteen concert if you claim all of it is that way. Next time actually do real research and not just post the first things that come into that little brain of yours. Oh wait - selective reasoning to make a point you think you want to make. Ignore everything else. Right. Forgot how you like to do that.

[Spears]

Ah, come on, Carrie. Surely you know these blog battles are merely exercises in having fun.

[Bassnote]

Just a note: Jon Bon Jovi joined Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band on stage in Dallas, Texas. He traded verses with Bruce on the song Glory Days. Bruce called it a 'Double shot of New Jersey.'