Blog battle: Best 80s holiday songs

Time to dust off ye ole holiday CDs in a seemingly fruitless attempt to find something tolerable for family gatherings. (And to listen to on your iPod at work while you co-workers are sharing low-cal cookie recipes a little too loudly.)

To make this year's list a little more fun, I have officially challenged Sean Daly's blogging baroness, Stephanie Hayes, to a blog battle.

To my advantage, I was slobber-knocked on egg nog and teetering on bar stools in the 80s while Stephanie (high school class of 2001!) was still eating strained carrots from her own high chair. Let's see if she has any tricks left up her Garanimals.

We each picked our top 5 holiday songs from the 80s -- and the worst holiday song from the decade. Check out her list and then ... "prepare for greatness, Lloyd."

TOP 5 HOLIDAY SONGS OF THE 80s:

5. Christmas in Hollis - Run D.M.C.: The de facto holiday theme song of MTV during the 80s. "The rhymes you hear are the rhymes of Darryl's. But each and every year we bust Christmas carols." (Watch video)

4. 2000 Miles - The Pretenders: A more subtle Christmas song with a dreamy, spinning sound. Perfect for a long drive through snowy weather. "Outside under the purple sky, diamonds in the snow sparkle. Our hearts were singing ... It felt like Christmastime." (Live version)

3. Twelve Days Of Christmas - Bob & Doug McKenzie: Where are Bob and Doug when they're needed most? Granted, it's a novelty/comedy song, but dare I say the best one of the 80s? ("Fiiiive golden toques!") Of course, back then I no idea what a "toque" was. Imagine my disappointment to learn it was only a hat. "Boy, that song was a beauty ... it moved me. Yah, it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven!" (Listen)

2. Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses: The late great Patty Donahue led this Ohio-bred new wave act that was probably best known for "I Know What Boys Like" and the theme song to "Square Pegs." Their holiday tune weaves a clever story about a single woman so busy, she decides to sit out Christmas this year. But fate -- and holiday magic -- eventually restore her faith. "When what to my wondering eyes should appear?  In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year!" (Listen)

1. Do They Know It's Christmas - Band-Aid: Sure, it's got some painful lines in it ("So tonight thank god it's them instead of you!"). But look at the lineup of great English and Irish musicians that Bob Geldof pulled together (Sting, Duran Duran, Paul Young, U2, George Michael just to name a fraction.) And then tell me you don't get chills during the ending chorus when the bells start ringing. "Here's to you, raise a glass for everyone!" (Watch video)

And the worst song: There are so many to choose from. But the title goes to someone who sadly was elected into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this week. Madonna's "Santa Baby" (listen if you dare) is a criminal assault on every sense of my very being. Fans of Stuck in the 80s, who submitted their own horror stories on the subject this week, were nearly unanimous in their contempt:

• "Hearing her straining to sound like a weird version of Betty Boop doesn't say Christmas to me." -- Matt in Denver
• "Cloying, annoying, and only redeemed by the fact that it was recorded for the Very Special Christmas project and helped raise money for the Special Olympics." -- Cait
• "If my radio had a neck, I would choke it every time that came on." -- Donnie

Alas, the venom must end and you can now vote: Who had the better Top 5 list?

Comments

[Mike in Austin]

Sorry brother, I have to go with Stephanie's list. It's all about the Wham! My kids sing that song (not to mention two others songs on Stephanie's list that still get played on the radio).

[Walter Cox]

Love the Pretenders, hate "2000 Miles".

Love the Band Aid song.

Never heard the Madonna or Wham! tracks, but I don't know how.

[Marissa]

I'm straddling the fence on this one and choosing my own freakin' horrifying Christmas Worst selections. Mad Madge ain't got nothin' on the horrific sounds of New Kids on the Block's Funky, Funky Christmas. The entire song selection on their Christmas album totally soaked with suckiness that spans decades to come.

still perplexed about the love of The Waitresses.
Steve, you get a bonus 'attaboy' for adding links to the songs you've selected.

[Clark]

Good grief, this one was not even close, Spears in a walk.
Also, for anybody looking for fun, offbeat Christmas music, track down Fishbone's "It's A Wonderful Life (Gonna Have A Good Time)". You get the experience of the whole movie in about three minutes plus lyrics that include 'Come on yall, lets boogie some more; My brains just hit the floor'.
It's available on iTunes.

[Spears]

Aww, Mike. You're not going to be able to sleep tonight. The guilt will get to you.

WHAM???

[Bassnote]

Steve, you win. She dissed Band Aid, and she included Grandma Got Run Over... and Santa Baby by Madonna. It made me want to hurl. I know Marissa doesn't get the Waitresses song, but I love that one.( She's complaining how she's trying to hook up with this guy all year, and nothing goes right until she bumps into him at Christmas, and it all works out.) Kudos for putting Bob & Doug on the list.

[Miguel (Portugal)]

Definitly 2000 miles from The Pretenders. Chrissie Hynde as some greatness in her.
But Wham? How is it possible to be in anybody`s list?

[Spears]

I'm pretty sure I deserve to win for her inclusion of "Grandma Got Run Over" alone.

But give Stephanie credit for going toe to toe on this blog battle. If Daly had been here, it'd just be full of references to Funyuns and Ashley Tisdale.

And don't hold the fact that Stephanie graduated from high school the same year as the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL gang against her.

Well, OK. You can hold that against her. "We're allll in this together... Wildcats sing along!"

[Mike in Austin]

Steve, I'm sitting here preparing my kids lunch and YES the guilt has set in!!

[Marissa]

Steve, you quoted HSM. I'm going to have night sweats as a result.

It's been 'hinted' to me that I'm not allowed to straddle the fence on this.
I had the 12 inch extended version of "DO they Know it's Christmas". I Played it over and over just so I could hear John Taylor speak to me.
I give Stephanie major league kudos for having the cajones to inject estrogen into the blog that is typically filled with cries of Daly lust.
I would rather eat the fruitcake my brother swore my father dug up from the yard than hear 'Grandma Got Run over By a Reindeer" again.
So, it is with a heavy heart that, if I must choose a side, I choose Steve "Wild Turkey is Christmas Spirit" Spears.

[Stephanie Hayes]

Whatever, Steve. Your merciless teasing does nothing to dampen my youthful chutzpah. I'm going to go run around the block in heels without wheezing and listen to Wham! on my hot pink mp3 player, mmkay?

MIKE IN AUSTIN, DON'T GIVE IN!

[Sara Hall]

Ladies and gents over the age of 25. Puh-leez. Steve obviously wins this one. Actually, I'm not sure this one was even a fair fight - she was probably still dragging around her woobie (Has she even seen Mr. Mom?) when the decade ended. Christmas in Hollis is an absolute classic - I'm instantly transported back every time I hear it. I want the OLD MTV back! And ahhhhh....The Waitresses - perfect!

As for Madge - she rocks, but she may rival Tanya Tucker for most whiney vocals ever on this one. Gack. And I'm sorry, but Elmo and Patsy? That's the kind of crap that 8-year-olds (ahem) think is hilarious and plays incessantly on those inane radio stations you'd rather eat your socks than listen to.

Happy Holidays Steve! You're my hero. xoxox

[Tom]

No contest Steve, you're the weiner! I for one love Band Aid,much more so than our "not to be outdone" USA for Africa "We are the World",ughhh. Any list that includes Bob and Doug is beauty with me, eh?

[Tonianne]

"Grandma Got Run Over..." on the best of list? "Do They Know It's Christmas" on the worst of list? Perhaps in Bizarro world.

I'm with Steve on this one. But I think "Fairytale of New York" should have at least received an honorable mention.

[Spears]

Ah crap, you know I originally had "Fairytale of New York" on my list! One of my all-time fav Pogues songs.

Consider that the #6 song.

[chase]

Steve, I'd rather take a cheese grater to my private parts than listen to Band Aid ever again ...

[Marissa]

Chase just made every man who reads this blog wince, and wince some more for good measure.

[jim webster]

sappy, i know, but i have always really dug billy squier's "christmas is a time to say i love you." in fact, i searched for years before i finally found it on a vh1 "pop goes christmas" CD, or something like that. and i paid like $20, strictly because i wanted that one song. then the next year they introduced iTunes. doh.

also, its not really a christmas song, but i always listen to billy joel's "she's right on time" as if it were one. hey, it mentions a christmas tree. that has to count. right?

and if we allow unsticking from the 80s and going into the 70s, there is elton john's "step into christmas."

[DenverMatt]

Nothing like a good christmas fight.

I love the Band-Aid song and listen to it every X-mas. For the intent and because it is infinately better than We are the world.

Spears wins. Have a bag of rum on me. (actually the bag of rum was on you)

[Spears]

Remind me to pass on the cheese next time I'm visiting the Chase household in Denver.

[Debra]

Steve...you win! Period. 'Nuff said!

[Greg Williams]

Wow! Band-Aid's "Do they know it's Christmas" was not bad (Except for Bono's "thank god it's them instead of you!" line).

How about some "Christmas with the Devil" by Spinal Tap?????

I just watched Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Power of Love" video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShN8UIk5-mw) and it's pretty good.

There's also "Santa's got a DWI"...

[Spears]

I'm a huge Frankie Goes to Hollywood fan. Seriously. Saw them live here in Tampa back in '85. Great show.

I've been trying to get one of the members to sit down for a podcast interview so that we can honor them properly.

But "Power of Love" is definitely one of their top 5 tunes.

And if you haven't heard the hit from their followup album -- Rage Hard -- here it tis:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UcLP2xlUSiQ

[Marissa]

I'm still sticking to Hey Santa! by Wilson Phillips and Funky, Funky Christmas by NKOTB being the songs that are most filled with suckiness and irritating sounds during the Christmas season in the 80s.
I know my opinion doesn't count for much, but you can't say I don't have the tenacity to get it across.
I'm going to make homemade caramel corn and not going to share even a kernel. hmmmph

[Carla]

Christmas In Hollis, Christmas Wrapping and Do They Know It's Christmas. There is no contest.

MANdogga's version of Santa Baby is REALLY bad... but Grandma got run over by a Reindeer... is easily one of the stupidest Christmas songs around!!

I do like Last Christmas by Wham off of Stephanie's list.. but I'm sticking with you on this one Steve!

[Carla]

Oh, and Chase.. Marissa said that you made every man who reads this blog wince with your comment of the cheese grater.. well I'm gonna bet a few women even cringed a little at that visual! (I know I did!!) YIKES!

[chase]

Oh, she meant wincing about the cheese grater ... I thought she meant wincing at the thought of hearing Band Aid again ... :-)

[Carla]

All I know is you REALLY must hate that song! I would happily listen to it for an infinite amount of time, than to take a cheese grater to any part of my body, yet alone my private parts! ::shudder::

[Carla]

Oh!! There is one song I haven't seen mentioned on either list "A Reggae Christmas" by Bryan Adams! It's a great song!!

[Marissa]

OH Chase, you silly man!
Band Aid really started something and many jumped on the 'band' wagon with their versions of collaborative efforts to support the ailing and sick of the world.
Here's one by the metal/hair bands of the 80s. Oh, go on and click the link you KNOW you're curious. Kevin Dubrow and the dudes from Spinal Tap make an appearance (amonst anyone else who thrived on Aqua Net, lycra stretch pants and half shirts.)
Hear N' Aid...pretty witty name, eh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZktrrqT1A0

[Al]

Wow......hilarious. My vote still goes to "Tears are Not Enough" by Northern Lights. Just for Neil Young's badass getup.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-KC9BxSibg

I just finished ripping bread up by hand for turkey stuffing for 4 straight hours.

I smell an Arthritis in the '80's Podcast!

[Al]

Wow......hilarious. My vote still goes to "Tears are Not Enough" by Northern Lights. Just for Neil Young's badass getup.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-KC9BxSibg

I just finished ripping bread up by hand for turkey stuffing for 4 straight hours.

I smell an Arthritis in the '80's Podcast!

[Al]

Whoops, sorry for the double post.

[chase]

Steve, I guess you're right, Band Aid really did "start something .... "

Who can forget Willie Nelson and Farm Aid's Christmas song, "Don't Y'all Know it's Christmas" and that haunting refrain, "We feeeeeeddd the Worrrrlllddd."

Yep.

[Marissa]

This is the first time I've logged on to this blog and heard crickets.

And Chase, I believe it was I who said Band Aid started something. I thought everyone would just be so moved by the Hear n' Aid. I'll be happy to find a Farm Aid video for you :)

[Spears]

Sorry about the crickets -- I worked a 12-hour day on Saturday and didn't have a chance to blog.

[Marissa]

You're forgiven, Steve. I'm simply spoiled by the splendor that is your blog. I survived the lack of additional material.

[lolly]

Steve wins by a landslide. There is no competition here. Stephanie's youth is showing.

[Vanessa]

I am totally with you on this one. "Christmas in Hollis" is mandatory, like geometry in high school.

[TopDogscss]

Doug and Bob rule. I still own an old VHS copy of Strange Brew. I guess I will have to pull myself out of the 80's for a moment and get the DVD.

[Greg R.]

Actually "So tonight thank god it's them instead of you!" is the BEST line in "Do they Know it's Christmas?".

It's completely ANTI-sentimental and that's what keeps the song REAL. Despite knowing it's wrong, un-PC, and the antithesis of Christian, in our heart of hearts many of us think this when seeing the less fortunate. It's only "cringeworthy" because it hits the nail on the head.