There goes my metal bikini fixation

The Eighties Revival may have officially died last night: A Wookie-like contestant on American Idol actually wore the infamous Princess Leia metal bikini during his audition.

For all 80s fans -- especially those of the humanoid, male variety -- the image of Carrie Fisher dressed as a slave girl for Jabba The Hutt is sacred to us. It's not to be mocked, satirized or even duplicated without great care and reverence.

When Jennifer Aniston indulged Ross on "Friends" and wore the metallic bikini during foreplay, we gave a polite golf-clap because it was a simple and effective nod to our fetish.

But on Tuesday night, when cheesesteak-enhanced Ben Harr dropped his robe to reveal our beloved Leia outfit, it was as if millions of voice cried out in terror and then were suddenly silenced. Judges Paula, Randy and Simon did the right thing: Ben was immediately exiled to the forest moon of Endor where a thousand Ewoks tore every strand of hair off his chest with their bare teeth.

Ben, you should have done your research first. There are entire websites dedicated to this cultural phenomenon. For example, go to Leia's Metal Bikini, which is the closest thing to porn that 80s fans can view safely on their work computers. There you will find photos of Fisher in costume (along with scores of other scantily clad females in similar outfits) and even buy the outfit for your own Leia at home. It's enough to make you go to the dark side of the force -- if only for 10 to 15 minutes of quiet, alone time.

The urban legend among 80s nerds, proudly including myself, is that in 1983's "Return of the Jedi," Fisher's bikini didn't fit nearly as snuggly as Harr's version. When she would recline back against Jabba, the top and bottom of the metal outfit would push out from her body, giving nearby film crew members an unobstructed view of her bare goodies.

Fisher didn't mind -- she bragged in interviews that "slept with some nerd" to get the role in the first place. "Some nerd!" And you wonder why I wear that term as a badge of honor. Whereas Ben Harr wears it as a punchline. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some more bikini browsing to do.

Comments

[Walter Cox]

You just had to include the dude's picture. (shudder)

[Spears]

"It is too late for me ... son."

[GlennS.]

I clicked on this blog thinking "Well, at least there won't be anything about American Idol..."

Sigh.

[Spears]

It's not about Idol. It's all about Leia. Focus, Glenn, focus. Eye on the prize. There is no tomorrow. There is no tomorrow. There is no tomorrow.

[jane]

Obviously I am not an '80s fan of the male humanoid variety, because I didn't immediately place the legendary bikini.

However... nah. I got nothin' to save this one.

It was an affront to nerds everywhere.

[Tom]

What was that "laser brain" thinking"? There is a very small demographic, ok no one, who wants to see a Wookie in a bikini. Thanks for the Leia in a bikini, Steve. A great way to cleanse the palate, a sorbet of hottie goodness if you will.

[bassnote]

I had to turn it off the second he opened the cloak. My kids were watching, and I didn't want to scar them for life.

[Clark]

Titling this post "The dark side of American Idol" implies there are other sides.

[Spears]

I'm the backup online writer for American Idol this season, so I'm stuck watching every episode for the first time - ever.

I fear my liquor store bills will be enormous over the next five months.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Steve,

Be sure to enjoy your booze in your official Paula Abdul red plastic Coke cup.

[Tonianne]

It's a testament to your writing that I actually regret not watching last night.

And that I *may* have to tune in for my first Idol ever.

Great post.

[Spears]

Absolutely no guarantee that there will be great crimes against the 80s committed in future episodes!

Although, rumor has it that Hall & Oates are one of the weekly guests this season.

[VineyardWoman]

Aaaaack!!! My eyes!!! Where was the warning label on this blog entry???

I always wanted one of those metal bikinis...hmmm...might have to purchase one myself. I might not look as good as Leia, though I DEFINITELY look better than that guy!

[Hamptune]

I am glad they spared us the waxing job they had footage of. But how funny would it have been if they did roll the footage and Ben screams out

"AAAHHHHH KELLY CLARKSON!!!"

[Marissa]

Jane said that last night right after the show ended ... on Sean's blog.

[jane]

*high fives Marissa*

I wonder how many people have told him that today -- dude missed a golden opportunity with that one.

[Marissa]

OK, it is rather funny knowing Steve has to watch American Idol.
I knew what Ben was wearing. My son knew what costume it was. I actually wondered to myself, "Hmmm I bet Steve Spears would be furious to know this hairy fool has desecrated the sanctity of his Leia/porn fantasy."

[Ian from Down Under]

Thank God this episode hasn't reached Down Under yet. Must make mental note to avoid this episode.

Mental note number 2. To get over the shock of the above photo, remember that although Carrie Fisher was great, the role should have gone to Terri Nunn - Berlin lead singer (who did audition for the role) or perhaps she could have been cast as Leia's naughty wayward sister.

Now that should do the trick.

Shame on you Steve for putting that terrible photo on here.

[Spears]

I think seeing Terri Nunn in the slave bikini would cause my pants to explode. And not in a Taco Bell sorta way. (Sorry, that's for Sean.)

[Marissa]

ACK!!!!!!!!! It burns! It burns!

[jane]

Now there's an image for the ages.

Actually, that's several images for the ages.

[Marissa]

Yeah. I mean, I love Steve and all, but that's just some imagery that leaves uhm, well, leaves me screaming IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! hahaha

[Douglas Arthur]

Of all the times i had to walk into the room where my wife was watching this show! i wanted to cut my eyes out and this is exactly why I hate American Idol...they continue to feed in to this crap and put these a-holes on the air. The minute they stop the better, in my opinion