Worst sports movies of the 80s

Why can't Hollywood get it right when it comes to sports movies?

Sure, the 80s had some classics (Bull Durham, The Natural), but it had some unforgivable nightmares as well. So as the glow of another football season begins to fade and we're left to contemplate the black hole of lesser sports until next fall, it's time to pick...

TOP 10 WORST SPORTS MOVIES OF THE 80s:

10. RAD (1986): It couldn't be the 80s without a BMX movie. Talia Shire probably wishes IMDB.com didn't exist for this single reason.

9. GLEAMING THE CUBE (1989): A skateboarding movie! With Christian Slater! And that dude from Scarface! (And to think we're only at No. 9!)

8. THE SLUGGER'S WIFE (1985): Rebecca De Mornay is truly awful (as a singer and actress) in this flick. Michael O'Keefe looks as much like an Atlanta Brave as I look like a porn star. (Well, maybe Ron Jeremy.)

7. JOHNNY BE GOOD (1988): Paul Gleason is great. Anthony Michael Hall and Uma Thurman are unbearable. And Robert Downey Jr. is, as usual, psychotic.

6. OVER THE TOP (1987): Please don't make me say arm wrestling is a real sport. But I think this Stallone pic washes away the goodness of at least one Rocky edition.

5. JOCKS (1987): Anyone remember this Perry Lang/Richard Roundtree star vehicle about a college tennis team? (Put your hands down, please.)

4. CADDYSHACK 2 (1988): Great theme song by Kenny Loggins ("Nobody's Fool") and then ... poof. By the end, you want to kill Jackie Mason and Dan Aykroyd -- not the gopher.

3. SIX PACK (1982): What's harder to conceive: Kenny Rogers as a race-car driver or Buck Roger's Erin Gray as his adoring fan? (Of course, both are trumped by the acting debut of Anthony Michael Hall.)

2. STROKER ACE (1983): I can only image that Hollywood was so happy with the box office return of "Six Pack" that they green-lit this NASCAR disaster, starring Burt Reynolds, Loni Anderson and ... wait for it ... Jim Nabors! (Not to mention the superb skills of Parker Stevenson.)

1. AMERICAN ANTHEM (1986): Mitch Gaylord and Janet Jones star in a completely unwatchable movie that basically takes the story line of "Purple Rain" and applies it to gymnastics. What else can you say about a movie whose best review comes from a website called Hollywood Bitchslap.

Which movies did I forget?

Comments

[Jeff in Cuba]

I never quite got "Everybody's All-American". Was it a sports movie or a romantic character study? In trying to be both it seems to achieve neither.

The film's only saving grace is the appearance of the hideous vertical-striped socks of the 60's vintage Broncos.

[jane]

Great bad list, Mr. Spears. The acting skills of Mitch Gaylord and the future Mrs. Gretzky are beyond description.

I'm running to IMDb right now to see if Burt's hairpiece got credit in the listings for Stroker Ace. If it didn't, it should have.

[malibu]

Since this post mentions his bad movies twice, I had to let SIT80's fans know I spotted Anthony Michael Hall in Las Vegas last week!
Credit goes to the hubby for the eagle eye, though--we walked right past him and hubby says--is that the guy that's Molly Ringwald's nemesis? Of course I knew right away who he was talking about--so we circled back around and followed him and the elderly gentleman he was with (his dad?) and yep, it was him!
It was in the Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace. We didn't bug him, but it was fun to see him! He's shorter than I thought--maybe 5'10" at the most. Looked just like how he looks on TV--that isn't always the case.

[Greg Jones]

Did you know there's an Asia song on the Over The Top soundtrack? Actually, it's only John Wetton singing a Giorgio Moroder song, but they chose to blame it on Asia.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I remember being really disappointed in "American Flyers". It isn't a horrible movie (bad, but not horrible), it's just that when I saw the Steve Tesich had written another cycling movie, I figured I was going to see another "Breaking Away" (one of my all-time favorite flicks).

Of course, "Flyers" is more like "Brian's Song" than "Breaking Away", so I was sadly disappointed.

I guess this was Kevin Costner's first sports movie, and there's nothing in it that would inspire anyone to want to see him in another. Who knew?

[Jeff in Cuba]

Was "Sideout" an 80's movie?

I was a big beach volleyball player back in the late 80's and the thought of sharing a court with C. Thomas Howell really frosted my flakes.

I may not have been Karch Kiraly, but I certainly could have kicked Ponyboy's butt!

[Bassnote]

You forgot Youngblood with Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze as hockey players. Complete piece of crap. Totally agree with your list, especially #1. Wasn't Diane Lane in Six Pack too?

[Spears]

Hey! I liked Youngblood. I think I have it on DVD somewhere. Keanu Reeves is awful, but the rest is amusing.

I'm also a fan of American Flyer, but I can't explain why. If I expanded the list to the top 20, I'd throw it in there.

[Spears]

Everybody's All-American would be top 20 as well, but not top 10.

Side Out is awful, but thankfully it's from 1990.

[chase]

Now be fair to 80s sports flicks, in addition to the ones you've menioned (Bull/Natural) you're leaving out Raging Bull, Major League, Field of Dreams, Rocky III (okay, an acquired taste) and the Color of Money (if you consider pool a sport) ... Seriously, some pretty good flicks, more than outweighs the likes of "Wildcats."

[Spears]

Oh, if did a top 10 list of the BEST movies, it'd be easier (though don't hold me to the order):

10. Chariots of Fire
9. Eight Men Out
8. Caddyshack
7. Color of Money
6. Major League
5. Hoosiers
4. Bull Durham
3. Field of Dreams
2. The Natural
1. Raging Bull

[Spears]

And if you're curious, I think "Best of Times" would fall in the top 20 of Best movies. And Wildcats would fall in the top 20 of Worst movies.

As for "All The Right Moves" -- somewhere, anywhere.

[Clark]

I could be wrong but I think the guy who directed "American Anthem" directed "Purple Rain".

Also, I know people love "Bull Durham" and it IS a good story but it's so far from authentic that I have trouble rating it higher than I do. Most authentic sports movie ever (particularly minor league sports) is "Slapshot" (I know, not an 80s flick).

[jane]

You're not wrong, Clark -- a quick trip to IMDb confirms that Albert Magnoli did direct both "Purple Rain" and "American Anthem."

And good call with Slap Shot -- great flick. Might be time to track that one down for a rewatch. I used to think that Kurt Rambis was the fourth Hanson brother who decided to buck the family tradition and play basketball.

[Shelly]

A. I LOVE Slap Shot. It's great!

B. American Anthem falls into the so bad it's good category...it really is cheesy!

[Eric S]

I actually didn't mind Six Pack. Saw it in a theater that is no longer there anymore. I believe it is a Toys R Us now right near Tyrone Mall. I could buy Kenny Rogers as a race car driver. A lot of them looked like that during that time (Think Bobby Allison).

Johnny Be Good should be way further up. Horrible horrible movie. Beginning of the end of AMH's movie career. He did have nice later career resurrection with Dead Zone.

Stroker Ace was also very very bad. Made Days of Thunder look like a docu on Nascar driving. Caddyshack 2 ranks as one of the worst movie sequels of the 80s. Right up there with Revenge of the Nerds 2 and Grease 2.

American Anthem didn't bother me at all. A busty gymnast. Sign me up.

It's funny Steve but I have seen all of their top 10 except for Raging Bull. I have wanted to see it. One of these days. I actually didn't like Color of Money. A bit dull and then what kind of ending is that? In college though, I tended to act like Vince when I got some drinks in me playing pool. Twirling the pool stick around and humming the Eric Clapton song. Ah the salad days.

And Shoeless Joe Jackson plays a big part in two of your films. Too bad he got thrown out of the game because he was supposed to be a great hitter.

Wasn't a big fan of Chariots of Fire either. Maybe in my older age, I can possibly appreciate more. When I was a preteen, it just bored me to death.

I did have to mention Touch and Go, a hockey movie starring Michael Keaton. Not a bad film. Nothing great, but still entertaining. I think it sat on the shelf for a year or two and made a couple of pennies at the box office.

Vision Quest was also pretty good sports film in the 80s about wrestling. Seemed somewhat realistic about the sport too.

My top 10 (can't include movies I didn't see like Raging Bull)

10. Touch and Go
9. Bull Durham
8. All the Right Moves
7. Eight Men Out
6. Rocky III
5. Major League
4. The Natural
3. Caddyshack
2. Hoosiers
1. Field of Dreams

Bull Durham was a bit lower on my list. I just didn't go crazy for it like others did. All the Right Moves was a very good high school football movie. Of course it had the added bonus of a young Lea Thompson. Rocky III-Mr. T and Hulk Hogan in one movie. What more can you ask?

[Spiky Sandy]

Wow! I must have had some good taste in the 80's because I didn't see a single movie on that list. :)

[Hamptune]

What Steve...no love for "GYMKATA" starring Kurt Thomas? Ok maybe not a pure sports movie. The poster for the movie tells you all you need to know, plus I don't think anyone saw it (except my wife who has this thing for male gymnasts-she also has "American Anthem" on tape)

[Douglas Arthur]

I thought of 2 dog movies, but unfortunately a quick check on IMDB proves they are from '79. :(

Still I'd like to think they might have been released late in the year and spilled over into 1980, but I don't think that is the case.

I am of course talking about The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh and Fast Break.

I think they stunk so bad that the aroma lingered for a few years and spilled over into our favorite decade. I mean...it was years again before anyone tried another basketball movie!

[Rick in Scottsdale]

I'm not good at lists. Too finite, or too much focus. It's why I LIKE lists, because I can't make them. Anyway, I also was thinking of BEST sports movies... No list, but if I were capable of making one, these 3 would be on it: VISION QUEST, ALL THE RIGHT MOVES (see Eris S's post), and an obscure movie starring, believe it or not, Lorenzo Lamas called TAKE DOWN.

(A visit to IMDb would reveal TAKE DOWN was released in '79, but it really didn't get a wide release and did the direct-to-video of that era -- a long run on HBO in 1980. But it actually gets a higher rating than the other 2 I've listed.)

[Brady]

Not only was Tom Cruise's "All The Right Moves" one of the best sports movies of the 80's, it's one of the best football movies of all times. This 1983 production gets "right down to the fabric" of what football's all about, especially in a small town. 6-2 Stack Monster...6-2 Stack Monster...

[Eric S]

Yeah I remember The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh. Always had a soft spot for it. Had a catchy theme song. I haven't seen that movie in a while though. Too bad we couldn't include some movies from the 70s. I did enjoy One on One. Sure it wasn't realistic on some things with college basketball. I was willing to overlook those. And I always liked Annette O'Toole. She of course also is in my favorite Eddie Murphy movie, 48 HRS.

I certainly agree with the love for All the Right Moves. Very good flick. One of the better football flicks. Got to be up there with Friday Night Lights, Longest Yard (original)and North Dallas Forty

[Marty]

You forgot "Chariots of Fire" for worst sports movies. I saw that movie in 1981. I cannot remember one thing about it except for the Vangelis score. Also, "Over the Top" features that hit song, "Meet Me Halfway" from kenny Loggins, the best song from "Top Gun" not in "Top Gun."