25 artists that still embarrass us

We hide their tunes in secret playlists on iTunes. Their CDs are tucked into drawers where no friends will see them. And when their hit songs come on the radio, we switch channels in mock disgust while secretly singing along to the outlawed tune in our heads.

They are the bands and artists from the '80s that we never dare to admit we once liked -- and maybe still do. And thanks to an outpouring of reader suggestions, I'm finally ready to unveil the final ranking. Trust me -- it was hard to narrow it down.

25 ARTISTS WE'RE STILL EMBARRASSED TO ENJOY:

25. Julio Iglesias: To all the clowns you loved before...

24. Falco: Don't turn around. Uh-oh! "Der Kommissar" and "Rock Me Amadeus" are in your record collection.

23. Neil Diamond: Just pour me a drink and I'll tell you some lies. Like, "I never owned 'Jazz Singer' on DVD ... really!"

22. Kenny Rogers: He never did learn when to fold them. Just ask his plastic surgeon.

21. Peter Cetera: Admit it -- you bought the Karate Kid 2 soundtrack for "Glory of Love."

20. Sheena Easton: Loved "For Your Eyes Only." But "Morning Train"?  I'd have taken the bus.

19. George Michael: He'll never live down "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" -- "Choose Life" shirt optional.

18. Steve Perry/Journey: Who's crying now? Anyone who paid to see the band once Steve left.

17. Al Jarreau: He had 18 singles that charted in the '80s, but I guess we're not in this love together anymore.

16. Asia: The smile has left our eyes.

15. Whitney Houston: The greatest love of all? Selling our Whitney Houston CDs at a garage sale.

14. Rick Springfield: You better love somebody. Preferably not a soap star.

13. The Manhattan Transfer: Even the boy from NYC doesn't like them anymore.

12. Debbie Gibson: Out of the blue, she changed her name to Deborah. Oh, that'll help.

11. Tiffany: Still like her? I think you're alone now.

10. Paula Abdul: From singing "Straight Up" to drinking straight up. 

9. Toni Basil: Oh "Mickey," what a pity.

8. Olivia Newton-John: Psst! You know you own the Xanadu and Grease soundtracks.

7. Kenny G: A punchline for generations to come. But somebody's buying his records.

6. Barry Manilow: He writes the songs ... but why we you still listening to them in the '80s?

5. Christopher Cross: When one of your signature songs is forever associated with Luke, Laura and General Hospital, you're lucky you're only No. 5 on this list.

4. Culture Club: Give him time ... to realize his crime. After all, it's a long list.

3. Lionel Richie: Hello? Was it him you were looking for? Taking away "Dancing on the Ceiling" and maybe he'd fall from the Top 10.

2. Michael Bolton: Only a pair of Cosby sweater-wearing, ballad-crooning hairballs kept Mr. Mullet from the top spot.

1. Air Supply: Nobody owns up to liking Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock, but there's not a person reading this list that can't burst out singing to "All Out of Love" or "Making Love Out of Nothing At All." They are the McDonalds of the '80s music biz: Billions served, just go easy on the secret sauce.

OK, what bands did we miss? Which were ranked too high or too low?

Comments

[Former Producer Dave]

Okay, I'll bare my soul....it's "The Korgis" album "Dumbwaiters" and specifically "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7Yxzd4hOQA&feature=related

I'm a sucker for multilayered harmonies and 80's keyboards....what can I say?

[Marissa]

Oh Spearsy, my dear, you out-did yourself on the sidebar commentaries.

Regarding Air Supply's lyric, "making love out of nothing at all..." It always makes me curious about what they are referencing. Is it something philosophic or uh ::cough:: something microscopic.

ps. so glad to see my picks of shame in the top 10.
Toni Basil, Manilow and numero uno Air Supply.

[Spiky Sandy]

While some of the songs you mentioned are terrible, Manhatten Transfer was wonderful with the harmonies on "Birdland" and some of their other songs. I will still admit my love for Air Supply and not be embarrassed! And I owned the soundtrack to the Jazz Singer on 8-track and know every song by heart! I considered watching it when I came upon it this week.

[jane]

Honestly, I would have rolled Kenny G *shudder* up to a higher ranking number. The fact that the music he produces is generally classified under "jazz"... yikes. Especially with legit jazz artists -- Manhattan Transfer and Al Jarreau -- on the list.

A couple of these folks -- specifically Kenny Rogers and Neil Diamond -- have produced some of my favorite drunk sing-a-long songs... "Lucille" and "Sweet Caroline." And alcohol would also have to be involved with me recreating the jazz dance routine to "Straight Up" I learned a million years ago in a adult dance class. Booze being the major catalyst for my enjoyment of these tunes speaks volumes,don't you think?

[chad]

well i guess ive come out of this pretty good. i only had/bought records by six of the featured musicians. however ive never been embarrassed by owning or playing journey, rick springfield, or asia. the other three i did purchase stuff, not so much. olivia newton-john, well i did own the grease soundtrack. just recently got gold by her, a lionel ritchie compilation, and bought the first two debbie gibson records back in the day. now that i would never play in public, since i was more or less a rock guy. i leaned more towards kiss, def leppard, motley, bon jovi, poison, stuff along those lines, as well as 70s leftovers such as journey, reo, foreigner, etc. the pop stuff came much later on, mid 80s. i guess i have duran to thank for that, and to some extent the monkees. they combined opened me up to more than hard rock.

[Anne]

So a few years ago I was a volunteer at a charity event and Peter Cetera was the after-dinner entertainment. Admittedly I was excited to see him. Unfortunately, the crowd and PC weren't really the right combo, and people were chatting through his performance. About 2/3 of the way through his set he got a bit testy and actually told the audience to shut up! That was the very moment that I got over Peter Cetera.

[Spears]

I'm still waiting for the epic Peter Cetera/Chicago reunion!

[chase]

Flock of Seagulls: You ran, ran so far away, but you couldn't get away.

[cheezstake]

To all the songs that we love to listen to until we come to a stop at a traffic light. Then the volume goes down so no one will know that we're still kickin' it to Culture Club or early Depeche Mode.

..are we sad or just nostalgic?

[Bassnote]

I'll admit to owning stuff by all the artists except 7 & 25. Thankfully I never had any interest in either of those performers.

[Spears]

I'm pretty sure I've never owned any Julio Iglesias, Kenny Rogers, Culture Club, Barry Manilow, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Manhattan Transfer, Al Jarreau and Michael Bolton.

I can sleep easier tonight.

[Big Tex]

I've only got five of the 25 on CD , so I guess that's not too bad....maybe...

Steve, I'm surprised you placed Asia on the list. I don't have an Asia poster on my wall like Steve Carrell in 40 Year Old Virgin, I not embarassed by Asia. BTW, I proudly have a Talking Heads "Stop Making Sense" poster on my office wall. Anyone else got a 80s poster up in their workplace?

[Debra]

How about an honorable mention for Richard Marx?

BTW - Chase...I don't know how to get up w/ you other than this blog. Don't know if you remember, but my hubbie went to the Citadel. The answer to your "trivia" question (an incident that occurred with your friend)...Was it the "Bananarama"?

[Lisa]

What about that group that sang "99 Luft Balloons"--(did I even spell that right)?

[Walter Cox]

Lisa,
Who, Nena?

I can't believe you put Lionel at #3. That's just wrong. And Michael Jackson isn't on there anywhere?

[Gary]

Sheena Easton's "Morning Train" was nothing compared to her ridiculous Prince -penned "Sugar Walls"...Ugh...

http://garyj.vox.com/library/post/dirty-little-secrets-and-guilty-pleasures.html

[Spears]

Michael Jackson is a whole other issue. Still, nobody should ever be embarrassed about owning and playing the "Thriller" CD. That's just 80s magic.

You know who I thought about adding? Huey Lewis.

[Marissa]

Those on the list that totally baffled me are Rick Springfield and Asia. No shame there. I guess if you're a guy who worships Rick Springfield (or his biceps, Sean Daly), it might be cause for some embarrassment.

But Asia? C'mon, Steve. Did Jill do such a number on you during the podcast that you'd feel shame for loving ASIA? I'd be giddy if some guy tossed "Heat of the Moment" in the date music mix. phhht.
Who submitted Asia in to the hall of shame?

[jane]

The fact that Huey Lewis has a gig at Derby Lane would have taken him from being just a thought to being on this list, at least from my perspective.

As far as Michael Jackson is concerned, perhaps owning/digging anything he released after Thriller would qualify.

Oh... Big Tex! I have a concert poster from the Who Rocks America tour (circa 1982) in my possession. Unfortunately, it is WAY too big to hang in my home office. But if it fit, I'd have it up on a wall.

[Spears]

I'm not embarrassed to enjoy Asia and Rick Springfield. Would I wear a Rick Springfield concert tee? No way.

As for Asia, they're on the list thanks to the scene from 40-Year-Old Virgin: "Is that an Asia poster? Did you actually frame an Asia poster? Did the people at the framing store laugh when you brought that in?"

[Walter Cox]

No cracking on Huey. (1) Huey is pretty cool, and (2) do you really want that to be the last straw that has him come down to the paper to show you what the News is really all about?

[GlennS.]

Neil Diamond has made some excellent music, though not much during the decade that this blog is all about. I agree with Spiky Sandy that Manhattan Transfer did some fine music, though you have to go a little deeper than their big hits to fully appreciate their updating of the jazz vocal style.

Honestly, I think by the time you hit a certain age you shouldn't be embarrassed about liking anything. I haven't quite perfected that attitude yet -- there's still a part of me that wants to be "cool" -- but I'm working on it.

By the way, I do indeed know someone who not only "owns up" to liking Air Supply but proclaims it proudly and has the CD collection to prove it. That would be my wife.

[Marissa]

I listen to Manhattan Transfer when I need a dose of close knit harmonies. I saw them in concert in 1983 while visiting my brother in Boulder. They simply weren't deemed as cool. "Boy From New York City" is probably one of my least favorites.

[Marissa]

Oh, and it's not as if Asia is Kenny G., Yanni, or John Tesh, for crying out loud.

[Spiky Sandy]

Ok, Marissa! That's hitting below the belt!! I love Yanni and even saw him in the early 90's at the Sun Dome. What a show! Rarely do I ever leave a concert where I've felt that floating on air feeling.

Ok, my parents were there with their friends and my husband I were there with ours, but, hey, it's all good!

[GD]

Incredibly sad and pathetic, but my first concert, ever, was Air Supply at the Bayfront Center in 1981. In that same sad period (81-83) I also saw A Flock of Seagulls and Adam Ant. On the plus side I caught REM at the USF soccer fields for about $5, and saw U2 at Curtis Hixon Hall with only about 1000 people in attendance. Live music used to be fairly cheap and fun...

[Keith T]

Okay, really really sad and pathetic is that my first concert was Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth tour! ! !

I still have the concert shirt to prove it!

Back in the day, I thought she was a babe.

[aces88ss]

ok...70's song, but band still active in the 80's...Today while driving...

In the navy...Village People

Had to crank it (My secret shame on many levels)

[christina]

A couple of things.

First of all, George Michael is awesome. I'll say it, unabashedly. :) I'm proud to have him on my iPod.

Second, Falco didn't do "der Kommissar." That was done by After the Fire.

That is all.

:)

[Spears]

Oh, Christina.

Falco recorded "der Kommissar" in 1981. After the Fire recorded a English version of it in 1982, which reached No. 5 in the charts.

[bigmac]

I have downloaded a few Olivia Newton John songs but I don't have any actual LPs.

[Marissa]

For some odd reason, Murray Head and Falco go hand in hand for me. I can't think of one without the other.

[jane]

GD, great point about live music being fairly cheap and fun. I saw REM at the UF bandshell for free back in the day. Big contrast to what I have paid for recent concert experiences.

aces88ss -- nice secret shame. As ubiquitous and over-done as it is, I still totally sing along to "YMCA." Cranked loud, natch.

[Spears]

"YMCA" is so overplayed. If you want a real Village People vice, check out the soundtrack for "Can't Stop The Music." Especially the tune "Magic Night."

[GlennS.]

I knew YMCA had reached the saturation point several years ago when it was featured in one of those singing and dancing shows at Busch Gardens. When they got to the chorus, folks in the audience would start making the letters with their arms even before they were prompted to by the people on stage. It was a little scary, to tell you the truth.

[ZombieFan]

Ok, I guess this is the forum to air this out. Many of the people I know talk about their secret shame or guilty pleasure. That one thing that they love that just doesn't fit the image people have for them or doesn't match up with what else is in their ipod. For some people it's Britney Spears or Manilow or whatever.

I used to think the closest I had that fits that description was Prince. It's unlike most of the stuff I listen to and most people are surprised I like it. But the part that doesn't work is that I was never ashamed of Prince. The guy is a musical genius and well liked by many music lovers. So there is no guilt in that pleasure.

But, I recently discovered my true secret shame while watching Streets of Fire. It had been there all along and I just didn't recognize it. It's Jim Steinman. Yep, I'm a sucker for songs written by Jim Steinman.

All of the stuff he did for Meatloaf
Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and "Holding out for a Hero
Sisters of Mercy - "This Corrosion"
The Ellen Aim songs from "Streets of Fire."
etc...

Well, there it is. My secret shame. Maybe it's the choral backgrounds. Maybe it's the overly dramatic rock opera element. The often dark tone. I don't know. But Jim Steinman fits the bill.

My secret shame. My guilty pleasure.