5 reasons to never cover a Queen song

Give American Idol's Kady Malloy credit for her performance on 80s week. If you want to win a national singing contest, your first instinct should be to: (1) choose the most beautiful song you can find; (2) sung by an artist with a legendary voice, and then; (3) totally knock everyone's spiked Coca-Cola cups over with your rendition.

So Kady picks Queen's "Who Wants To Live Forever." OK, check for No. 1. Sung by one of the greatest showmen of the last 100 years, Freddie Mercury. Check for No. 2. And then she sang it like she was auditioning for the high school chorus after drinking a bottle of NyQuil. It just goes to show that Meatloaf wasn't right: Two out of three actually ain't good sometimes.

It's so simple, people. Maybe you need a refresher course!

FIVE REASONS TO NEVER COVER A QUEEN SONG:

5. Unless your name is George Michael, and you have time between appearances on "Eli Stone," nobody on Earth can match Mercury's voice. Sorry, but Freddie was the only living proof that live must exist on other planets.

4. Assuming you choose to ignore reason #5, at least pick an up-tempo Queen song. Might I suggest "Crazy Little Thing Called Love?" Not a great song, but at least you'd be around for Beatles week.

3. Unless you can quote at least five lines from 1986's nerd-flick "Highlander," the movie in which the song appears, it's bad karma to pick "Who Wants To Live Forever." (Which means only me and maybe a dozen other people are qualified to sing it -- and nobody wants to hear that either.)

2. Like Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit," most truly great Queen songs build in energy verse after verse until it reaches a crescendo where you are at one with all living things and have power beyond imagination.. You can't just chop a Queen song half, sing the first half, smile a toothy grin at Simon Cowell, because ...

1. ... If you do, you're subject to the most important quote from "Highlander" ... "If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!"

[AP photo]

Comments

[Marissa]

Steve, this post certifies you as my hero. Perfect. Awesome. "If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!" Couldn't have said it better myself. I know I couldn't.

I HAVE seen "Highlander" and I was a geek who watched the series. I'd never attempt "Who wants to live forever" unless it was a contest to see who could eff it up the best (but not on purpose).
Katherine McPhee of season 5 attempted it. Screeching soprano killing a beautiful song. It was QUEEN week. ugh.

[specialkness]

oh brother what is this world coming to? what was she thinking? this just adds another reason to my list of reasons to not watch American Idol.
I love Queen, no one will ever compare to Freddie! And you can add me to the list of Highlander fans. I own all but the last season of Highlander TV series on DVD (it just was too awful and not enough Adrian Paul) and the movies too.
There can be only one has!!

[Spears]

Wow, more Highlander fans. We are the Princes (and Princesses) of the Universe.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I sort of stumbled onto "Highlander". The only reason I saw it was because I loved Clancy Brown in "Buckaroo Banzai" (little did I know his real fame would come as the voice of Mr. Krabs!)

I really liked the original, but I have to admit, ever new iteration of the story, whether movie or TV, left me flatter and flatter.

I guess I'll never get "The Prize".

[Rock_Vbrg]

I've got the original movies on VHS and loved them very much. My wife just rolls her eyes when I win a game and quote "there can be only one." But, I truly loved the scene in the first movie about the duel. "Stop. I apologize for calling your wife a bloated warthog,[laughing] and I bid you good day." But for some reason I can't fathom, my wife really liked the TV series better.

Jeff, it really shocked me to realize that the Kurgan was hawking Krabby Patties. Clancy Brown has made a number of movies lately where he is the tough but fair good guy. I kind of miss him as the heavy.

I'm with you, Steve, on the whole don't sing it if you can't put it in proper context of the movie. I think if I had to choose a Queen song to sing I would go for something easy like "Bicycle" or "Fat Bottom Girls" but I don't think you can sing either during prime time.

[Tonianne]

How about 6 lines?

"What the hell have you got?
A Toledo Salamanca.
A what?
A sword, Frank. A very rare sword.
Is it worth much?
Only about a million bucks."

Next to "This, is my boomstick!," the broadsword reference is my favorite weaponry-related film quote.
Because every chick should have a favorite weaponry-related film quote.

[Bassnote]

Put me on the Highlander fanclub list. Kady deserves to be whacked, immortal style, for that performance. As Kurgan said, quoting Def Leppard, "...It's better to burn out, than fade away!"

[Clark]

I've never seen Highlander so I can't join in on that fun but I have to chime in on the sentiment that it's nothing short of heresy to attempt in any way to impersonate Freddy Mercury. I mean, look at how bada$$ he looks in that picture. You do NOT mess with that!

[Rosa]

My brother and I have been known to randomly tell each other that "in the end there can be only one."