Lollygaggers! Ten irritating baseball movie lines

For those of us lucky enough to live in communities in which emotional and economical fates are tied to nine guys dressed in knickers, today marks the start of yet another season of Major League Baseball.

Or here in Tampa Bay -- home of the "No Longer the Devil Rays ... Just the Rays," we just call it "Five Months 'Til Football Season" Day.

To commemorate this festive occasion, Times pop critic Sean Daly, Times sports columnist Tom Jones and I have toiled to record a special "Baseball movies of the '80s" podcast for you on Stuck in the 80s. Click here to download it. Or click here to get all our shows for free delivered via iTunes.

In the meantime, here are 10 sure-fire ways to get your office into the spirit of the game today.

TEN WAYS TO IRRITATE COWORKERS WITH LINES FROM 80s BASEBALL MOVIES:

After being caught heaving in the office bathroom after last night's festivities: "It's okay, honey. I... I was just talking to the cornfield." (Field of Dreams)

When someone offers to go on a Starbucks run: "Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill. " (Major League)

After schooling someone at the department meeting: "You just got lesson number one: don't think; it can only hurt the ball club." (Bull Durham)

To the sandwich maker at the company cafeteria: "Pick me out a winner Bobby." (The Natural)

After forcing down the sandwich -- not made by anyone named Bobby for that matter: "You can't spell it, but it eats pretty good, don't it?" (The Natural)

Anywhere but in the men's room: "The rose goes in the front, big guy." (Bull Durham)

Definitely no where near the men's room: "Big whop now. Big whop, Betsy; you tell me when." (Eight Men Out)

Use this one in there instead: "You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're p-ssing it away." (Bull Durham)

When the coworker from two cubicles over keeps sending you suggestive instant messages: "I guess some mistakes you never stop paying for." (The Natural)

To the jerk who used to date the coworker two cubicles over: "How's your wife and my kids?" (Major League)

When the boss calls you into the office after hearing those last two comments: "I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this sh-t at least you could've said you were from the Yankees." (Major League)

(Think you know baseball movies? Try this online quiz I wrote last week.)

Little pink houses? Just buy mine instead

John Mellencamp obviously had to be a rock singer -- he had no instincts for being a Realtor. Why wax poetically about a little pink house when you can buy my lovely 4-bedroom, 2-bath home in lovely Florida?

That's right. The "Stuck in the 80s" mansion is for sale, and today is an "Open House" so I need to find a dark corner in the universe to curl up in for 5 hours while complete strangers mock my Ferris Bueller and Weird Science posters. Not to mention my complete collection of Star Trek salt and pepper shakers. (Kirk is the salt; Spock is the pepper -- for those wondering -- except for my "Mirror Mirror" pair, in which they're curiously reversed.)

So to get the good mojo going, I've compiled a quickie playlist of home related songs from the 80s (or recorded by 80s artists -- hey, I needed a little extra wiggle room.)

Did I miss any obvious songs? And before you all start screaming about the obvious one, my Realtor, who lives next door, has specifically forbid me from putting the Talking Heads' "Burning Down the House" on this list!

Go get your podcast snacks!

It's been two weeks since our last Stuck in the 80s podcast! Do you miss us? Even Johnny 5 is getting cranky. Though he does hold a bag of those delicious Funyuns, along with a stylish SIT80s bumper sticker that he bought at our online store.

Thanks to uber-fan Brad, we now have a whole crate of Funyuns to send out to winners of our Mystery Movie Moment and Name that 80s Tune segments. And of course, we have a couple gift certificates available to 80stees.com.

The latest show is finally complete. This week's topic: Greatest baseball movies of the '80s, just in time for Opening Day.

So stick around, chat me up and let's get ready to play ball.

Just click here to get the newly minted podcast. And remember you can get all show for free via iTunes. Just click here.

Late show note: I apologize for the insanely easy Name that 80s Tune for this week. I tried to sub it out, but I guess it didn't take. In any case, you can forget about winning valuable prizes for getting this week's challenge right. Instead, the prize will go to whomever sends me the most interesting Funyun related photo via e-mail. Feel free to photo-edit the Funyuns into the picture or take an original photograph.

Bark like a dog! 'Coming to America' turns 20

Anyone wondering why Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America" has been playing non-stop on cable movie channels lately? It's celebrating its 20th anniversary this year!

I'm going out on a limb here by saying this: "Coming to America" might be Eddie Murphy's best film ... period. Sure, you want rationale -- in list form, of course.

10 REASONS WHY 'COMING TO AMERICA' IS EDDIE'S BEST FLICK:

10. HELLO AGAIN AND GOODNIGHT: After two slightly subpar showings (Golden Child, Beverly Hills Cop 2), this movie is almost Eddie's swan song. So far, Eddie's only watchable flick after "Coming to America" is "Boomerang" (1992). It's also the last great flick by director John Landis.

9. MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES: This would be the first time Eddie played more than character, tackling Prince Akeem, Clarence the barber, Saul (the old white guy in the barber shop) and Randy Watson, the singer of the band Sexual Chocolate.

8. A NOD TO HIS HERO: Richard Pryor was a big influence on a young Eddie Murphy. So when it came time to pick a name for his fictional African country, Eddie chose "Zamunda" -- a name Pryor used in an old comedy bit.

7. BEST FAKE PRODUCT EVER: "Just let your Soul-Glo!" I dare say just about anyone who ever saw this movie can still sing along to the TV commercial. "Feeling all so silky smooth!" [Watch it again]

6. THEY CAN BE FUNNY TOO: Still not convinced? What about James Earl Jones playing a comedy role? Or future "E.R." moper Eriq La Salle as the "Soul Glo" heir? Brilliant. And you gotta love the cameo performances by Samuel L. Jackson and Louie Anderson. (And the kid getting his hair cut in the barber shop -- Cuba Gooding Jr.)

5. ARSENIO CAN ACT: Even Arsenio Hall, the Bud Abbott of the '80s, shows some rare acting skills here. Whatever happened to him?

4. THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH HIM: Star Wars freaks out there, did you catch James Earl Jones' "Darth Vader" homage? When King Jaffe Joffer comes looking for Akeem, he tells Mr. McDowell, "Do not alert him to my presence. I'll deal with him myself."

3. THE SEQUEL FACTOR: Our fond memory of two other great Murphy flicks -- "48 Hours" and "Beverly Hills Cop" -- is tainted by the criminally awful sequels they spawned. Thankfully, at the end of "Coming To America," everyone lives happily ever after -- sequel-free.

2. "WE'RE BACK!" One of the funniest scenes: The "Duke Brothers" -- Randy and Mortimer -- from 1983's "Trading Places" are bums on the street until former co-star Murphy hands them a bag of money.

1. THE GREAT LINES OF COURSE: "There is a very fine line between love and nausea" ... "Bark like a dog -- a big dog!" ... "My buns have no seeds" ... "The royal penis is clean, your Highness."

Put up your dukes: Benatar's on tour

Time to take money out of our retirement accounts: We have yet another can't-miss '80s legend making a summer tour.

Pat Benatar has announced a slew of new summer dates, including a stop here in Tampa Bay at Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall on July 7. Click here to see if she's coming near you. Tickets for the Ruth Eckerd Hall show go on sale April 11 and range in price from $34.75 to $70.

In one media interview, Benatar says fans should expect a show covering the hits -- with a few surprises. "The classic hits are in there, and we have an acoustic set, which is really lovely -- four or five songs we've taken and play them acoustically -- everyone seems to really enjoy that. And then, some new things that we have coming out."

New things? Maybe a new album? We'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, you can re-listen to our Pat Benatar podcast on Stuck in the 80s -- and you can bet we'll be redoing that show if we can score an interview before her show here!

He forgot the words to 'Hungry Like the Wolf'?

Duran Duran's latest world tour is getting off to a bad start. And I don't mean that Nick forgot his mascara or Simon lost his wristband again.

The band's show Wednesday night in Auckland, New Zealand, was rough, according to the local media. Bassist John Taylor stormed off stage during a medley of electronica songs in which the group's members all so matching satin suits. And then singer Simon Le Bon forgot the words to "Hungry Like the Wolf."

"Duran Duran, f---ing up in style," Le Bon said to the crowd, according to the New Zealand Herald's review.

Despite the meltdowns, "when they were good, they were great," the reviewer said. "After a somewhat slow start, the band had the arena up and dancing by their fourth song, 'Planet Earth,' and kept things cruising along comfortably until they reached the Bond soundtrack 'A View To A Kill,' which saw the night hit fever pitch."

[Getty Images]

Give me the knife, George?

I've been known to bungle and misunderstand lyrics to my favorite songs -- often. For years, I thought Billy Squier's "Stroke Me, Stroke Me" was actually "Long Live, Skunk Man." Which in all fairness, made more sense to me as a 12-year-old than "Stroke Me" did.

Another bad one: Pete Townshend surely was singing "Let Mother Open The Door" -- right? I never did understand his fascination with parental duties, so imagine my relief when I found it was "Let My Love Open The Door." (Seriously though -- he cranked out some brilliant songs during his solo career, didn't he?)

But my favorite one of all:

George Benson singing "Give Me The Knife?" Wow, he's pretty happy for someone who obviously wants to kill somebody. I still can't sing along with changing "Night" to "Knife." His 1980 tune hit the Top 5 on the pop, R&B and jazz charts.

Benson is playing Tampa's Ford Amphitheatre on Saturday, April 5. His performance is part of a two-day concert. Other acts playing include Boz Scaggs, Al Green and Dr. John. Go to the Ford Amp website for more info.

(Be forewarned: I'm betting they'll escort you out quietly and quickly if you start yelling 'Give Me The Knife').

Journey, Heart, Cheap Trick join forces

The first mega-80s tour of 2008 is officially on the books: Journey, Heart and Cheap Trick will do a summer tour together across the United States.

The official word is that Journey -- with new singer Arnel Pineda -- is the headlining act -- but really ... it doesn't matter. This is a great chance to catch three of the best live acts of the 80s on one bill. The tour begins July 9 in Englewood, Colorado, and wraps up Sept. 30 in Los Angeles. And yes -- there's a Tampa date scheduled: July 30 at the Ford Amphitheatre.

Tickets begin going on sale April 5 via Ticketmaster. Check Pollstar.com for a full list of dates. No word yet on when Tampa tickets go on sale or what the price is.

This will be Journey's first U.S. tour with Pineda, the Steve Perry sound-alike who caught the band's attention with his videos on Youtube.com. The band also has a new album -- Revelation -- due out June 3.

Heart's Ann and Nancy Wilson -- who probably wince anytime someone on "American Idol" attempts their songs -- will get some additional exposure when then join Bono, Annie Lennox and other musicians and celebrities on April 9 for the fundraiser special "Idol Gives Back." According to Pollstar.com, they'll perform "Barracuda" on the show with Fergie. (Listen to our podcast interview with Nancy Wilson from 2007.)

Do I even need to sell the Cheap Trick angle? Any chance to catch Robin Zander and the gang should not be missed.

[Getty Images]

The mysterious Mr. Hughes

The legacy of the godfather of the 80s -- John Hughes -- is examined closely in an article this week in the Los Angeles Times.

Hughes is back in the news because the new Owen Wilson flick "Drillbit Taylor" is based on a story that Hughes wrote back in the '80s. And even though Hughes' name reportedly doesn't appear in the credits, it was enough of a "return" to draw the industry's attention.

Click here to read the LA Times article in full. Here are some of the highlights:

• Hughes left Hollywood in 1995. He's living in seclusion with his family in either Chicago or Wisconsin, depending on who you believe.
• He grants no interviews and has no agent. Even fellow directors and writers who try to look him up while in Chicago discover he can't be found. The only actor who's met with him in recent years: Vince Vaughn during the filming of his movie "The Break Up."
• There's no consensus on why Hughes quit the movie business. The Times says, "It's possible that the filmmaker, who gave studio executives headaches when he was riding high, simply grew tired of the messy business of making movies and chose to pursue a simpler life."

With teen movies once again abusing the pre-Hughes formula of breast shots and fart jokes, wouldn't this seem like a good time for his return?

She'll be "Alone" soon enough

What is it with American Idol contestants? Last time someone tried singing a Heart song, all three judges -- even the less-than-sober one -- chastised the foolhardy soul for attempting to tackle a tune originally recorded with such a tremendous voice. So imagine the shock last night when I saw Ramiele Malubay try "Alone." By the way, it's supposed to sound like this:

Never, ever try to sing a heart song unless your name happens to be Ann Wilson.

Please, no Taco or Toto tonight!

Just when I thought American Idol was free of our beloved '80s ...

Tonight's show features contestants singing a song from the year in which they were born. That means tunes from 1978 (Michael Johns) through 1991 (Lil' Davie Archuleta). So as Donnie Iris once sang, here we go again. (We ain't learned our lesson yet!)

Don't put it past someone to try another Journey song, just to kiss up to Randy Jackson. Thankfully, nobody was born in the same year as a Paula Abdul tune. That's probably the only reason Simon will even show up tonight.

Here are the years in play tonight, along with each contestant and the song I'd pick for them:

• Michael Johns (1978): "How Deep Is Your Love?" -- Bee Gees
  
• David Cook (1982): "Jack and Diane" -- John Mellencamp
  
• Carly Smithson (1983): "Total Eclipse of the Heart" -- Bonnie Tyler
  
• Brooke White (1983): "Come On Eileen" -- Dexy's Midnight Runners (That ought to finish her off!)
  
• Kristy Lee Cook (1984): "Time After Time" --- Cyndi Lauper
• Chikezie Eze (1985): "Part-Time Lover" -- Stevie Wonder
• Syesha Mercado (1987): "Who's That Girl" -- Madonna
• Ramiele Malubay (1987): "Head to Toe" -- Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
• Jason Castro (1987): "Lean On Me" -- Club Nouveau
• David Archuleta (1990): The '90s? You're on your own, little guy!

Ease our pain? Not with this movie clip

Click play and grab a box of tissue. It's the infamously sob-inducing ending to 1989's "Field of Dreams."

How long can you make it until your eyes swell up? I never get past the final line from Shoeless Joe -- "No Ray, it was you" -- at the 1:13 mark.

"Wanna have a catch?" ... Baseball in the 80s

Thank the maker that Major League Baseball is about to start. I'm not sure I can handle any more televised basketball or hockey. And I've watched "Top Gun" so many times lately that even my TV remote has lost that lovin' feeling and thinks Maverick is dangerous.

But until that first pitch on opening day goes flying past somebody's noggin, we can derive a little preseason excitement from the baseball movies of the '80s, which not coincidentally is the subject of next week's podcast.

Times pop music critic Sean Daly and sports columnist Tom Jones will join the show to decide once and for all: Which was the best baseball movie of the 80s?

Which one would you pick? Here are some pros and cons:

THE NATURAL (1984)
Balls: Beautifully scored, featuring sublime performances by Robert Redford, Darren McGavin, Kim Bassinger, Wilford Brimley ("Don't you know I hate losin' to the Pirates?!?").
Strikes: Seeing Redford play an 18-year-old version of himself is creepy. And other story lines seem a bit hooky at times.
Favorite quote: "I guess some mistakes you never stop paying for."

BULL DURHAM (1988)
Balls: Considered the most realistic movie made about the minor leagues (how many others can you name?); perhaps Kevin Costner's single-best film performance.
Strikes: Watching Tim Robbins pretend to be pitcher is painful; and listening to the never-ending, thick North Carolina accents is like taking a Nolan Ryan fastball to the forehead. (Note to Hollywood: I'd prefer the fastball next time. It'd ease my pain.)
Favorite quote: "The rose goes in the front, big guy."

FIELD OF DREAMS (1989)
Balls: Possibly the most quotable baseball movie of all time and featuring the best speech about baseball every conceived -- delivered by the always brilliant James Earl Jones ("It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again.")
Strikes: Is it really a baseball movie? Or just an excuse to see if every male you know cries like a baby at the ending? (Just say, "Dad ... wanna have a catch?" and here come the waterworks.)
Favorite quote: "Hey rookie! You were good."

EIGHT MEN OUT (1988)
Balls: Great ensemble cast featuring John Cusack as the tortured Bucky Weaver.
Strikes: Difficult storyline to follow unless you're already familiar with the 1919 World Series. Christopher Lloyd channels "Rev. Jim" from "Taxi" for his turn as "Bill Burns."
Favorite quote: "Those guys are all gone now."

MAJOR LEAGUE (1989)
Balls: Easily the funniest of the group, thanks to Bob Uecker ("Just a bit outside"), James Gammon as manager "Lou Brown" and "Wild Thing" Charlie Sheen.
Strikes: The Cleveland Indians as winners? Only in Hollywood.
Favorite quote: "Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill."

So what's your pick? We'll read the best comments during the podcast.

Have faith: George Michael is coming

We told you it was just a matter of getting his ducks in a row: George Michael's "25 Live" tour has finally and officially announced its dates for North America.

The tour begins June 17 in San Diego and wraps up Aug. 3 in South Florida. And yes, he has a date for Tampa -- the St. Pete Times Forum on Aug. 2. Nice!

Click here to see the full schedule. Tickets are $56.75-$151.75 and go on sale at 10 a.m. April 7 at the Forum box office and through Ticketmaster at outlets; www.ticketmaster.com; and (813) 287-8844 and (727) 898-2100.

Also, Michael will release a 2-disc CD set called "Twenty-Five" on April 1. The set features 29 songs; a DVD will have 40 videos.

Trying to decide if this tour is worth the money? Here's the set list for his recent tour stops in Europe:

• Waiting Intro
• Flawless
• Fast Love
• Father Figure
• Star People
• First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
• Praying for Time
• Too Funky
• You Have Been Loved
• Everything She Wants
• My Mother Had a Brother
• Shoot the Dog
• 20 Minute Intermission
• Faith
• Spinning the Wheel
• Jesus to a Child
• An Easier Affair
• A Different Corner
• Amazing
• Too Funky (reprise)
• I'm Your Man
• Outside
• Careless Whisper
• Freedom 90

[AP photo]

"I love it when a plan comes together!"

Another '80s TV show is set for reincarnation as a big-screen project: "The A-Team" is planning a June 12, 2009 release with director John Singleton ("Boyz n the Hood", "Higher Learning") at the helm.

E! Online reports that the movie's plot will mirror that of the TV show, which ran from 1983-87: A close-knit band of four ex-soldiers, falsely convicted of a war crime, now for hire to solve your personal problems -- complete with chases, explosions and plenty of catchy dialog.

Nobody has been cast in the movie yet, though Woody Harrelson has been mentioned for the role of "Howling Mad" Murdoch, and Ice Cube has publicly said he wants the part of B.A. Baracus -- made famous by Mr. T.

"I wouldn't try to duplicate what Mr. T did, but I will have the same impact on you when you were little watching the TV show," Ice Cube tells Blackfilm.com. "I'm going to bring my own flavor to it and I am going to do the mohawk."

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM THE A-TEAM:

5. "Shut up, fool!"

4. "You've been found sane?"

3. "I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm a choo-choo train! Touchdown!"

2. "I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world, then runs home cryin' to his momma!"

1. "I love it when a plan comes together!"

25 artists that still embarrass us

We hide their tunes in secret playlists on iTunes. Their CDs are tucked into drawers where no friends will see them. And when their hit songs come on the radio, we switch channels in mock disgust while secretly singing along to the outlawed tune in our heads.

They are the bands and artists from the '80s that we never dare to admit we once liked -- and maybe still do. And thanks to an outpouring of reader suggestions, I'm finally ready to unveil the final ranking. Trust me -- it was hard to narrow it down.

25 ARTISTS WE'RE STILL EMBARRASSED TO ENJOY:

25. Julio Iglesias: To all the clowns you loved before...

24. Falco: Don't turn around. Uh-oh! "Der Kommissar" and "Rock Me Amadeus" are in your record collection.

23. Neil Diamond: Just pour me a drink and I'll tell you some lies. Like, "I never owned 'Jazz Singer' on DVD ... really!"

22. Kenny Rogers: He never did learn when to fold them. Just ask his plastic surgeon.

21. Peter Cetera: Admit it -- you bought the Karate Kid 2 soundtrack for "Glory of Love."

20. Sheena Easton: Loved "For Your Eyes Only." But "Morning Train"?  I'd have taken the bus.

19. George Michael: He'll never live down "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" -- "Choose Life" shirt optional.

18. Steve Perry/Journey: Who's crying now? Anyone who paid to see the band once Steve left.

17. Al Jarreau: He had 18 singles that charted in the '80s, but I guess we're not in this love together anymore.

16. Asia: The smile has left our eyes.

15. Whitney Houston: The greatest love of all? Selling our Whitney Houston CDs at a garage sale.

14. Rick Springfield: You better love somebody. Preferably not a soap star.

13. The Manhattan Transfer: Even the boy from NYC doesn't like them anymore.

12. Debbie Gibson: Out of the blue, she changed her name to Deborah. Oh, that'll help.

11. Tiffany: Still like her? I think you're alone now.

10. Paula Abdul: From singing "Straight Up" to drinking straight up. 

9. Toni Basil: Oh "Mickey," what a pity.

8. Olivia Newton-John: Psst! You know you own the Xanadu and Grease soundtracks.

7. Kenny G: A punchline for generations to come. But somebody's buying his records.

6. Barry Manilow: He writes the songs ... but why we you still listening to them in the '80s?

5. Christopher Cross: When one of your signature songs is forever associated with Luke, Laura and General Hospital, you're lucky you're only No. 5 on this list.

4. Culture Club: Give him time ... to realize his crime. After all, it's a long list.

3. Lionel Richie: Hello? Was it him you were looking for? Taking away "Dancing on the Ceiling" and maybe he'd fall from the Top 10.

2. Michael Bolton: Only a pair of Cosby sweater-wearing, ballad-crooning hairballs kept Mr. Mullet from the top spot.

1. Air Supply: Nobody owns up to liking Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock, but there's not a person reading this list that can't burst out singing to "All Out of Love" or "Making Love Out of Nothing At All." They are the McDonalds of the '80s music biz: Billions served, just go easy on the secret sauce.

OK, what bands did we miss? Which were ranked too high or too low?

"Kirk, you're still alive, my old friend"

What to hear something that will make you feel old and tired, as if the world were ending tomorrow (the opposite of the "Genesis Effect" for you Trekkies out there): William Shatner turns 77 years old today.

It's at this point that I usually make my case that today's birthday honoree enjoyed his finest days in the 80s. And I'll do that momentarily. But if you haven't seen Shatner's performance in 1998's "Free Enterprise," where he plays a (hopefully) comic version of himself, you're letting the best of life pass you by.

Still, between TV's "T.J. Hooker" and the Star Trek movies of the 80s, it's a wonder we don't call that the "Shatner Decade."

OK, that's pushing it. Still, what red-blooded (or green-blooded) life-form doesn't weep uncontrollably as Kirk breaks down during Spock's death in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan? That's where we all learn that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few ... or the one.

Leave it to Shatner to prove him wrong in Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock.

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW, YOU CAN LEARN FROM CAPT. KIRK:

• "Galloping around the cosmos is a game for the young."
• "The Klingons don't take prisoners."
• "We learn by doing."
• "The needs of the one outweighed the needs of the many."
• "Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word."
• "You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves."
• "I've always known I'll die alone."

Believe it or not, he's a dweeb

As we continue our countdown to revealing the Top 10 TV Theme Songs of the 80s, it's time to check back and see how the stars of yesteryear are doing.

Starting with ... The Greatest American Hero!

Pulling a Ferris -- corporate style

It's cold, flu and allergy season here in Tampa Bay. By that, I mean it's spring training for Major League Baseball and co-workers are disappearing faster than in "Night of the Comet."

Of course, '80s fans know that to call in sick the right way requires a slick technique often referred to as ... Pulling A Ferris.

(God bless Matthew Broderick for his multiple contributions to popular culture. Aside from giving the English-speaking world a dozen good strategies for staying home sick, he also inspired me to once fool the U.S. and Russian defense forces to declare global thermonuclear war. Ah, memories.)

So here are some recommended "Pulling a Ferris" strategies for grown-ups. These aren't mine per se -- let's just say I've collected my favorite ones from my nearly 20-year career of hanging around fellow slackers:

MENTAL DAY OFF: Just want to skip a day from work and do nothing special? Sweaty palms won't cut it, Mr. Bueller. I recommend using the exploding diarrhea excuse (trademark pending). No one at work will want you using the same restroom. Plus that's a symptom that comes and goes (literally) and you'll be back on your feet in 24 hours.

DAY AT THE BALLPARK: Trickier because you could be spotted, either by fellow Ferris-pullers or on TV. Plus, an outdoor venue brings the possibility of sunburn. For this excursion, I recommend trying this: "My doctor called and ordered a sudden series of tests on me. I'll be spending half the day at the clinic giving blood and stool samples." Nobody will want to know anything more. And who can blame you for shagging foul balls once the needle torture is over. (Don't forget to wear a Band-Aid or two on the arms for added sympathy.)

THE EXTENDED WEEKEND: For this, you need the advanced planning. Start a few days before the weekend, claiming unusual fatigue or trying a little fake heavy coughing. Maybe even leave work an hour or two early one day to see if you can "catch the doctor" on the way home. Then -- and this is the hard part -- set your alarm clock for very early that Monday morning -- 3 or 4 a.m. Call the boss's voice mail and leave a wheezing, hacking message saying you've been sick all weekend and won't make it in today. Hang up awkwardly, as if you almost passed out just from the energy expended, and go back to bed.

COMMON MISTAKES: Never have a spouse, friend or partner handle the phone call to the office. (Sorry, Cameron.) They're never convincing liars. Also, avoid the urge to involve a co-worker in your scheme. If Times pop music critic Sean Daly and I both call in sick the same day, the authorities will be scouring all the wing and beer joints in town looking for us.

Remember, 80s-worshippers, life moves pretty fast. If you don't skip work once in a while, you might miss it.

How well do you know your TV themes?

As we continue our quest to identify the Top 10 TV Theme Songs of the 80s, here's a mental exercise to keep you on top of your game.

It's tampabay.com's TV Theme Song Quiz! Click here to play. It does include shows from outside the 80s, so prepare to stretch yourself beyond normal boundaries.

And by the way, aren't you glad Rerun and "What's Happening!!" were '70s phenomenons? Because now you won't be taunted this its theme song. But go ahead -- click this anyway.

Ever wonder what happened to Fred "Rerun" Berry? He struggled with alcoholism in the '80s before losing 100 pounds and becoming a minister in the '90s. Berry died in 2003 at age 52 while recovering from a stroke.

'Where everybody knows your name'

Tell the truth: You know the complete lyrics to the "Cheers" theme song, don't you?

Of course you do. It's a classic. But is it the BEST TV THEME SONG of the 80s?

That's what we need to know, because this week's Stuck in the 80s podcast is going to tackle that very issue.

So start humming to yourself and let us know which TV songs are stuck in your head for life.

Here are three of my favorites:

THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO: "Believe it or not, I'm walking on air." (Listen)

WKRP IN CINCINNATI: "Baby, if you've ever wondered ... wondered whatever became of me." (Listen)

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: Not a song and the series barely made it into the 80s, but I still get chills whenever I hear the original theme orchestration. Makes me want to get into my PJs, grab a black cherry soda and bologna sandwich and do my best Galactica era cursing. "Ahhh, Frack!" (Listen)

Name your favorite 80s TV theme songs! Feel free to explain why and we'll read your comments on the podcast.

Nothing tragic about The Hip

Canada's 80s heroes The Tragically Hip will receive its country's National Arts Centre Award for 2008, considered quite an honor from what I've read in publications up north.

The band -- known simply as The Hip to its legions of fans -- formed in 1983 in Kingston, Ontario, borrowing their name from a skit in the 1981 home video "Elephant Parts." Inducted into Canada's Music Hall of Fame in 2005, The Hip is still together today and is working on a new studio album.

They'll accept the award in early May -- along with actor Eugene Levy, who's getting a lifetime achievement award. Way to keep the 80s theme going, my Elsinore-chugging friends!

Though they're the kings of Canada, a lot of U.S. music fans are probably drawing a blank right now. So here's a quick primer of their signature hits:

Burning the Midnight Oil

Our latest Stuck in the 80s podcast is online, and once again I'm forced into a corner to explain the songs we picked for the show.

A few months ago, we were under attack by the "a-hafia" for suggesting that "Take One Me" was the band's only hit. (God forbid we forgot "Cry Wolf." Everyone hum along at home.)

Today's outrage: Australia's Midnight Oil and its signature tune "Beds are Burning." (Which to my disappointment is about land rights of indigenous Australians -- not the sexual prowess of Aussie musicians of the 80s.)

Here's a few examples of the scorn heaped upon me:

THE SERIOUS: "I feel I would remiss in my duties if I did not point out that Midnight Oil was hardly a one-hit wonder. 'Blue Sky Mine', 'Forgotten Years', 'King of the Mountain', 'Drums of Heaven', 'Truganini', and 'Outbreak of Love' all broke the Top Ten, with two of them hitting No. 1."

THE ANGRY: "What do you have against Australia? Midnight Oil is no more a one-hit wonder than, oh I don't know, let's say a-ha. And the Church? Check out 'Metropolis,' 'Almost With You,' 'Just For You,' 'Terra Nova Cain.' "

THE SARCASTIC: "Steve and the list makers have lost their minds. I know you all know I am biased towards Australia, but having Midnight Oil and The Church as one hit wonders is like saying that Crocodile Dundee is a true representation of Australians. Can't wait for the Beatles one hit wonder show."

AND THE HILARIOUS: "When the boys do an outside broadcast in Melbourne, I want to see them walk down the streets of this great city with a placard saying 'Midnight Oil is a one hit wonder.' And since they haven't made it here yet, the boys can't hide behind their Funyun shield."

Decide for yourself. Click here to download the show. Or click here to subscribe to all our shows for free on iTunes.

A six-pack for St. Patty's Day

On this lovely St. Patrick's Day, the official holiday of the 80s, allow me to make a toast:

May your big-screen TV never break down on TBS's Big 80s Weekend, especially during "Red Dawn." May your old VHS player never eat the only copy of "Compromising Positions" left in the world. May you never be ashamed to do the "Thriller" dance alone at the office Christmas party. And more importantly, may your 80s heroes never grow old.

Lastly, may you never forget to raise your glass when one of these movies comes on.

A SIX-PACK OF THE GREATEST DRINKING MOVIES OF THE 80s:

6. ABOUT LAST NIGHT: (1986) Demi Moore, Rob Lowe, Jim Belushi. What they're drinking: Beer, straight from the keg. "Oh, aren't we a couple of sluts?"

5. MY FAVORITE YEAR (1982): Peter O'Toole, Mark Linn-Baker. What they're drinking: Anything you can put in a flask. "Ladies are unwell ... Gentlemen vomit."

4. COCKTAIL (1988): Tom Cruise, Bryan Brown. What they're drinking: Red Eye, beer, frothy rum drinks. "Beer is for breakfast around here. Drink or be gone!"

3. STRANGE BREW (1983): Dave Thomas, Rick Moranis. What they're drinking: A "two-four" of Elsinore Beer. "This movie was shot in 3B - three beers - and it looks good, eh?"

2. ARTHUR (1981): Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli. What they're drinking: Martinis, scotch. "I've taken the liberty of anticipating your condition. I have brought you orange juice, coffee, and aspirins. Or do you need to throw up? "

1. BARFLY (1987): Mickey Rourke, Faye Dunaway. What they're drinking: Everything. "Listen, I drink. And when I drink, I move in the wrong direction... "

Outside the 80s: Beer Fest, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Leaving Las Vegas, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Animal House, Old School, Bad Santa, Sideways, The Big Lebowski, Swingers, Casablanca, The Legend of Drunken Master, Baseketball.

No more Steve Perry psych-outs!

This isn't easy to admit: I'm addicted to the new TV show "Eli Stone" -- partly because I enjoy the storyline, but mainly because I figure there's always a 50-50 chance that George Michael will show up and perform a song (or the cast will sing one of his tunes).

I absolutely hated George Michael in the 80s. I didn't like Wham! I couldn't stand any of his solo tunes. Even "Careless Whisper" -- perhaps a teenage boy's single greatest weapon in seducing unsuspecting ladies -- gave me the dry heaves.

These days, I dig George. I think he's got a great voice. I enjoy the old tunes now. And I even have to tip my cap to his frequent slip-ups in his personal life because it's fodder for my blog.

Which gets me thinking: What 80s bands and musicians are we ashamed to admit we loved then or today? I want your personal picks. Here are a couple of mine:

JOURNEY and STEVE PERRY: I still remember feeling bad watching Trey Parker and Matt Stone in "Baseketball" when they mocked Perry. "Ohhhh, I shoulda been gone!" ... "No more Steve Perry psych-outs!"

TWISTED SISTER: Dee Snyder's 80s persona was embarrassing. But on the rare occasion their music hits the radio today, I turn it up proudly.

FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD: I remember being practically obsessed with this band back in the mid-80s. Then I realized I was the only one who felt that way. I still am trying to find a way to embrace my inner Frankie.

What 80s bands are you ashamed to admit you enjoy?

Live chat: They really did hate jazz

For being in a band called Johnny Hates Jazz, these guys sure dress like jazz cats. Or possibly members of the Hitler Youth. I can't decide.

But no matter what look they were aiming for, their hit "Shattered Dreams" is one of the highlights of our latest podcast -- the one-hit wonders of 1988.

The podcast is ready and set to go. So that means it's time for another sneak preview. Click here to download the show! Remember it won't be on iTunes til later next week.

Meanwhile, I'll be here to answer your lingering questions. Like, why am I home on a Saturday night? (Hey, why are YOU home?)

Unleash the hounds!

Top Gun tunes: a target-rich environment

There's some enduring quality to Top Gun. I just can't leave it alone on the blog.

Maybe it's because it's on TV about 30 times a day (seriously -- I watched it start to finish twice yesterday). Maybe it's the great quotable lines. It could even be the "not that there's anything wrong with that" volleyball scene. (Well, no, it can't be that.)

Or maybe it's just got a killer soundtrack that keeps us hooked throughout the entire film.

But what are the best and worst tunes of Top Gun? Here's my ranking of them -- from best to worst -- in playable format:

That's right ... Iceman ... I am dangerous

"Top Gun" is on TV these days more than the year it first buzzed the tower at theaters. I consider this movie a "target-rich environment" for quoting at nonsensical times during my workday.

My coworkers, on the other hand, are ready to go "Cougar" on me and turn in their wings. (Which is fine, because that gives me my dream shot -- Miramar!) I'll pulled no less than a "4-g negative dive" today at the office, bringing up memorable lines more lines than Iceman waxes that flattop of his. (God bless, Val Kilmer.)

I know what you're thinking: How can I irritate my friends and coworkers in similar fashion? I'm here to help.

TOP 10 TOP GUN LINES TO RECITE TO ANNOY COWORKERS:

10. Swilling down Starbucks on the way in from the parking lot: "I feel the need ... the need for speed." (Or, if you're already caffeinated enough, "Time to kick the tires and light the fires!")

9. When coming in the office door: "Good morning, gentlemen, the temperature is 110 degrees."

8. When your boss asks you to do something: "That's a negative, Ghost rider, the pattern is full."

7. When seeing your friend in the restroom: "Hey Goose, you big stud!" (Or, if you're feeling daring, "Great balls of fire!")

6. After that three-martini lunch to nobody in particular: "I flew with your old man. VF-51, the Oriskany. You're a lot like he was. Only better... and worse."

5. When passing off an assignment to a subordinate: "If you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dogs--t out of Hong Kong!"

4. On spotting targets at Happy Hour after work: "Too close for missiles, I'm switching to guns."

3. What to tell your wingman at Happy Hour after switching to guns: "Do not fire until fired upon."

2. What you tell yourself when your ATM won't cough up more cash: "Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash."

1. And whenever you get the chance: "Take me to bed or lose me forever."

Sneak peak at Lost Boys 2: The Tribe

I'm left speechless by the newly released trailer for Lost Boys 2: The Tribe. Looks like a sequel to our beloved '80s classic -- if done by the WB Network.

And what's with the vampires wearing the Cobra Kai skeleton outfits? A tribute to The Karate Kid or something?

Corey Feldman returns as one of the vamp-fighting Frog bothers, and from what little we see of him in the trailer, it looks like he's there for PR purposes only.

"I went to every length possible to make sure that I was emulating the appearance and the feel and the character as closely as possible to the first film," Feldman told MTV.com in an interview. "This guy hasn't changed in 20 years. He looks exactly like we remember him looking, other than he's got some neck tattoos, but that's the only physical difference."

But even MTV wondered aloud if this sequel was worthy of the big screen or doomed to spend eternity on a shelf at Blockbuster. Feldman was of little help. "No one seems to have that answer," he conceded.

Sometimes it's better to leave sleeping vampires to slumber on.

What song was playing? "Gory Days?"

An Australian woman was sentenced to eight years in jail this week for killing her partner -- because he wouldn't let her play her favorite Bruce Springsteen CD.

"I mean, who doesn't like Bruce Springsteen?" Karen Lee Cooper told police in Brisbane after she was arrested. "I'm 49 years old and I want to play my own music."

Cooper had been charged with murder, but pleaded guilty to manslaughter after arguing she had no intention on stabbing her de facto husband through the aorta while drinking that day.

What was her favorite Springsteen album? The story from the Aussie newspaper doesn't say. I'm open to suggestions from you Springsteen-philes out there.

[AP photo]

The shattered dreams of 1988

On this week's Stuck in the 80s podcast: The one-hit wonders of 1988. And let me say this right now: It's a painful, painful list.

And thanks to the wonderful technology at IMEEM.com, you can hear the proposed playlist ahead of time -- before Mr. Daly and I even record a single slurred word. (You may need to register to hear the songs in their entirety):

Are we missing one of your favorite tunes? Drop us a comment and let us know. You have until tomorrow afternoon to sound off!

Still they ride: Journey has a new album

The retooled and reformed version of Journey is planning its next departure to a Wal-Mart near you. The band announced this week that it will release "Revelation," a three-disc CD and DVD, on June 3.

The first CD will have 11 re-recorded classics, featuring new vocalist Arnel Pineda. The second CD has 11 new tunes, also with Arnel, guitarist Neal Schon, keyboardist Jonathan Cain, bassist Ross Valory and drummer Deen Castronovo. The last disc is a live, in-con