Lollygaggers! Ten irritating baseball movie lines

For those of us lucky enough to live in communities in which emotional and economical fates are tied to nine guys dressed in knickers, today marks the start of yet another season of Major League Baseball.

Or here in Tampa Bay -- home of the "No Longer the Devil Rays ... Just the Rays," we just call it "Five Months 'Til Football Season" Day.

To commemorate this festive occasion, Times pop critic Sean Daly, Times sports columnist Tom Jones and I have toiled to record a special "Baseball movies of the '80s" podcast for you on Stuck in the 80s. Click here to download it. Or click here to get all our shows for free delivered via iTunes.

In the meantime, here are 10 sure-fire ways to get your office into the spirit of the game today.

TEN WAYS TO IRRITATE COWORKERS WITH LINES FROM 80s BASEBALL MOVIES:

After being caught heaving in the office bathroom after last night's festivities: "It's okay, honey. I... I was just talking to the cornfield." (Field of Dreams)

When someone offers to go on a Starbucks run: "Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill. " (Major League)

After schooling someone at the department meeting: "You just got lesson number one: don't think; it can only hurt the ball club." (Bull Durham)

To the sandwich maker at the company cafeteria: "Pick me out a winner Bobby." (The Natural)

After forcing down the sandwich -- not made by anyone named Bobby for that matter: "You can't spell it, but it eats pretty good, don't it?" (The Natural)

Anywhere but in the men's room: "The rose goes in the front, big guy." (Bull Durham)

Definitely no where near the men's room: "Big whop now. Big whop, Betsy; you tell me when." (Eight Men Out)

Use this one in there instead: "You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're p-ssing it away." (Bull Durham)

When the coworker from two cubicles over keeps sending you suggestive instant messages: "I guess some mistakes you never stop paying for." (The Natural)

To the jerk who used to date the coworker two cubicles over: "How's your wife and my kids?" (Major League)

When the boss calls you into the office after hearing those last two comments: "I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this sh-t at least you could've said you were from the Yankees." (Major League)

(Think you know baseball movies? Try this online quiz I wrote last week.)

Little pink houses? Just buy mine instead

John Mellencamp obviously had to be a rock singer -- he had no instincts for being a Realtor. Why wax poetically about a little pink house when you can buy my lovely 4-bedroom, 2-bath home in lovely Florida?

That's right. The "Stuck in the 80s" mansion is for sale, and today is an "Open House" so I need to find a dark corner in the universe to curl up in for 5 hours while complete strangers mock my Ferris Bueller and Weird Science posters. Not to mention my complete collection of Star Trek salt and pepper shakers. (Kirk is the salt; Spock is the pepper -- for those wondering -- except for my "Mirror Mirror" pair, in which they're curiously reversed.)

So to get the good mojo going, I've compiled a quickie playlist of home related songs from the 80s (or recorded by 80s artists -- hey, I needed a little extra wiggle room.)

Did I miss any obvious songs? And before you all start screaming about the obvious one, my Realtor, who lives next door, has specifically forbid me from putting the Talking Heads' "Burning Down the House" on this list!

Go get your podcast snacks!

It's been two weeks since our last Stuck in the 80s podcast! Do you miss us? Even Johnny 5 is getting cranky. Though he does hold a bag of those delicious Funyuns, along with a stylish SIT80s bumper sticker that he bought at our online store.

Thanks to uber-fan Brad, we now have a whole crate of Funyuns to send out to winners of our Mystery Movie Moment and Name that 80s Tune segments. And of course, we have a couple gift certificates available to 80stees.com.

The latest show is finally complete. This week's topic: Greatest baseball movies of the '80s, just in time for Opening Day.

So stick around, chat me up and let's get ready to play ball.

Just click here to get the newly minted podcast. And remember you can get all show for free via iTunes. Just click here.

Late show note: I apologize for the insanely easy Name that 80s Tune for this week. I tried to sub it out, but I guess it didn't take. In any case, you can forget about winning valuable prizes for getting this week's challenge right. Instead, the prize will go to whomever sends me the most interesting Funyun related photo via e-mail. Feel free to photo-edit the Funyuns into the picture or take an original photograph.

Bark like a dog! 'Coming to America' turns 20

Anyone wondering why Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America" has been playing non-stop on cable movie channels lately? It's celebrating its 20th anniversary this year!

I'm going out on a limb here by saying this: "Coming to America" might be Eddie Murphy's best film ... period. Sure, you want rationale -- in list form, of course.

10 REASONS WHY 'COMING TO AMERICA' IS EDDIE'S BEST FLICK:

10. HELLO AGAIN AND GOODNIGHT: After two slightly subpar showings (Golden Child, Beverly Hills Cop 2), this movie is almost Eddie's swan song. So far, Eddie's only watchable flick after "Coming to America" is "Boomerang" (1992). It's also the last great flick by director John Landis.

9. MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES: This would be the first time Eddie played more than character, tackling Prince Akeem, Clarence the barber, Saul (the old white guy in the barber shop) and Randy Watson, the singer of the band Sexual Chocolate.

8. A NOD TO HIS HERO: Richard Pryor was a big influence on a young Eddie Murphy. So when it came time to pick a name for his fictional African country, Eddie chose "Zamunda" -- a name Pryor used in an old comedy bit.

7. BEST FAKE PRODUCT EVER: "Just let your Soul-Glo!" I dare say just about anyone who ever saw this movie can still sing along to the TV commercial. "Feeling all so silky smooth!" [Watch it again]

6. THEY CAN BE FUNNY TOO: Still not convinced? What about James Earl Jones playing a comedy role? Or future "E.R." moper Eriq La Salle as the "Soul Glo" heir? Brilliant. And you gotta love the cameo performances by Samuel L. Jackson and Louie Anderson. (And the kid getting his hair cut in the barber shop -- Cuba Gooding Jr.)

5. ARSENIO CAN ACT: Even Arsenio Hall, the Bud Abbott of the '80s, shows some rare acting skills here. Whatever happened to him?

4. THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH HIM: Star Wars freaks out there, did you catch James Earl Jones' "Darth Vader" homage? When King Jaffe Joffer comes looking for Akeem, he tells Mr. McDowell, "Do not alert him to my presence. I'll deal with him myself."

3. THE SEQUEL FACTOR: Our fond memory of two other great Murphy flicks -- "48 Hours" and "Beverly Hills Cop" -- is tainted by the criminally awful sequels they spawned. Thankfully, at the end of "Coming To America," everyone lives happily ever after -- sequel-free.

2. "WE'RE BACK!" One of the funniest scenes: The "Duke Brothers" -- Randy and Mortimer -- from 1983's "Trading Places" are bums on the street until former co-star Murphy hands them a bag of money.

1. THE GREAT LINES OF COURSE: "There is a very fine line between love and nausea" ... "Bark like a dog -- a big dog!" ... "My buns have no seeds" ... "The royal penis is clean, your Highness."

Put up your dukes: Benatar's on tour

Time to take money out of our retirement accounts: We have yet another can't-miss '80s legend making a summer tour.

Pat Benatar has announced a slew of new summer dates, including a stop here in Tampa Bay at Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall on July 7. Click here to see if she's coming near you. Tickets for the Ruth Eckerd Hall show go on sale April 11 and range in price from $34.75 to $70.

In one media interview, Benatar says fans should expect a show covering the hits -- with a few surprises. "The classic hits are in there, and we have an acoustic set, which is really lovely -- four or five songs we've taken and play them acoustically -- everyone seems to really enjoy that. And then, some new things that we have coming out."

New things? Maybe a new album? We'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, you can re-listen to our Pat Benatar podcast on Stuck in the 80s -- and you can bet we'll be redoing that show if we can score an interview before her show here!

He forgot the words to 'Hungry Like the Wolf'?

Duran Duran's latest world tour is getting off to a bad start. And I don't mean that Nick forgot his mascara or Simon lost his wristband again.

The band's show Wednesday night in Auckland, New Zealand, was rough, according to the local media. Bassist John Taylor stormed off stage during a medley of electronica songs in which the group's members all so matching satin suits. And then singer Simon Le Bon forgot the words to "Hungry Like the Wolf."

"Duran Duran, f---ing up in style," Le Bon said to the crowd, according to the New Zealand Herald's review.

Despite the meltdowns, "when they were good, they were great," the reviewer said. "After a somewhat slow start, the band had the arena up and dancing by their fourth song, 'Planet Earth,' and kept things cruising along comfortably until they reached the Bond soundtrack 'A View To A Kill,' which saw the night hit fever pitch."

[Getty Images]

Give me the knife, George?

I've been known to bungle and misunderstand lyrics to my favorite songs -- often. For years, I thought Billy Squier's "Stroke Me, Stroke Me" was actually "Long Live, Skunk Man." Which in all fairness, made more sense to me as a 12-year-old than "Stroke Me" did.

Another bad one: Pete Townshend surely was singing "Let Mother Open The Door" -- right? I never did understand his fascination with parental duties, so imagine my relief when I found it was "Let My Love Open The Door." (Seriously though -- he cranked out some brilliant songs during his solo career, didn't he?)

But my favorite one of all:

George Benson singing "Give Me The Knife?" Wow, he's pretty happy for someone who obviously wants to kill somebody. I still can't sing along with changing "Night" to "Knife." His 1980 tune hit the Top 5 on the pop, R&B and jazz charts.

Benson is playing Tampa's Ford Amphitheatre on Saturday, April 5. His performance is part of a two-day concert. Other acts playing include Boz Scaggs, Al Green and Dr. John. Go to the Ford Amp website for more info.

(Be forewarned: I'm betting they'll escort you out quietly and quickly if you start yelling 'Give Me The Knife').

Journey, Heart, Cheap Trick join forces

The first mega-80s tour of 2008 is officially on the books: Journey, Heart and Cheap Trick will do a summer tour together across the United States.

The official word is that Journey -- with new singer Arnel Pineda -- is the headlining act -- but really ... it doesn't matter. This is a great chance to catch three of the best live acts of the 80s on one bill. The tour begins July 9 in Englewood, Colorado, and wraps up Sept. 30 in Los Angeles. And yes -- there's a Tampa date scheduled: July 30 at the Ford Amphitheatre.

Tickets begin going on sale April 5 via Ticketmaster. Check Pollstar.com for a full list of dates. No word yet on when Tampa tickets go on sale or what the price is.

This will be Journey's first U.S. tour with Pineda, the Steve Perry sound-alike who caught the band's attention with his videos on Youtube.com. The band also has a new album -- Revelation -- due out June 3.

Heart's Ann and Nancy Wilson -- who probably wince anytime someone on "American Idol" attempts their songs -- will get some additional exposure when then join Bono, Annie Lennox and other musicians and celebrities on April 9 for the fundraiser special "Idol Gives Back." According to Pollstar.com, they'll perform "Barracuda" on the show with Fergie. (Listen to our podcast interview with Nancy Wilson from 2007.)

Do I even need to sell the Cheap Trick angle? Any chance to catch Robin Zander and the gang should not be missed.

[Getty Images]

The mysterious Mr. Hughes

The legacy of the godfather of the 80s -- John Hughes -- is examined closely in an article this week in the Los Angeles Times.

Hughes is back in the news because the new Owen Wilson flick "Drillbit Taylor" is based on a story that Hughes wrote back in the '80s. And even though Hughes' name reportedly doesn't appear in the credits, it was enough of a "return" to draw the industry's attention.

Click here to read the LA Times article in full. Here are some of the highlights:

• Hughes left Hollywood in 1995. He's living in seclusion with his family in either Chicago or Wisconsin, depending on who you believe.
• He grants no interviews and has no agent. Even fellow directors and writers who try to look him up while in Chicago discover he can't be found. The only actor who's met with him in recent years: Vince Vaughn during the filming of his movie "The Break Up."
• There's no consensus on why Hughes quit the movie business. The Times says, "It's possible that the filmmaker, who gave studio executives headaches when he was riding high, simply grew tired of the messy business of making movies and chose to pursue a simpler life."

With teen movies once again abusing the pre-Hughes formula of breast shots and fart jokes, wouldn't this seem like a good time for his return?

She'll be "Alone" soon enough

What is it with American Idol contestants? Last time someone tried singing a Heart song, all three judges -- even the less-than-sober one -- chastised the foolhardy soul for attempting to tackle a tune originally recorded with such a tremendous voice. So imagine the shock last night when I saw Ramiele Malubay try "Alone." By the way, it's supposed to sound like this:

Never, ever try to sing a heart song unless your name happens to be Ann Wilson.