The excommunication of Madonna
How many more mind-numbing, techno-laden albums must we endure from Madonna before we come to this painful realization: The Material Girl we knew and loved from the '80s is long dead and buried. She's no longer one of us.
Her latest disc -- "Hard Candy" -- bears more resemblance to a Britney Spears collection of b-sides than anything else. Perfect for the booty-bumping, Red Bull-saturated twenty-something crowd -- but total heresy for the older set of us who prefer to remember the subtle but surreal pleasures of tunes like "Live to Tell" and "Crazy for You."
Times pop music critic Sean Daly reviewed "Hard Candy" on his blog yesterday, and it's not hard for 80s fans to read between the lines: "Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, Timbaland and Pharrell bring their synthy booty beats and marching-band samples, Madonna purrs out every dumb 'give it to me' cliche, and we all dance naked," he writes.
Meanwhile, I writhe in agony. Timbaland again? Isn't it enough he destroyed the latest Duran Duran album? How much longer must we be subjected to his Vanilla Icing of the pop music scene?
The only song I could come close to enjoying was "Incredible," a six-minute-long lamentation about ... hell, I have no idea. The message goes back and forth, but one verse stood out:
"You don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
And everything in life just goes wrong.
Feels like nobody's listening
And something is missing."
I'll tell you what's missing, Madonna ... It's you.
[AP photo]
Relive the music, movies and culture of the greatest decade ever with Times online editor Steve Spears. A teen during the decade, Steve is obsessed with everything from Duran Duran to Journey, John Hughes to John Cusack, and parachute pants to Reaganomics.
E-mail Steve Spears:
I thought you were going to stop putting pictures of Madonna on the blog.
Posted by: Bassnote | April 29, 2008 at 12:55 PM
I'd put a photo of Sean Daly wearing her pointed bra, but that's not something anyone needs to see.
Posted by: Spears | April 29, 2008 at 01:09 PM
True. So very true.
At least the picture you put up isn't as nauseating as the new album cover Sean put on his blog.
Posted by: Bassnote | April 29, 2008 at 01:12 PM
I had planned to make a comment about her album cover, but figured I'd kicked her enough already.
But since you brought it up: She's become a parody of herself. What is she doing? Licking a paddle? The album cover looks like a photo you'd find in the "adult services" section of Craig's List.
Posted by: Spears | April 29, 2008 at 01:16 PM
Bless her heart, she looks like she has gone one too many rounds with the Botox needle.
I was as big a fan of her '80s work as anyone -- and still listen to it regularly, especially on my workout playlists. However, in her attempt to remain relevant, she's just tried too damn hard and missed the mark. Parody is a most fitting descriptor.
Posted by: jane | April 29, 2008 at 01:26 PM
I still like Madonna and I can't completely blame her for trying to stay relevant. I just find it annoying when these old pop stars reach out for the new flavor of the month producer that will supposedly resurrect her career. I would rather Madonna go back and grasp her 80's roots. Go ahead and play "Borderline" and "Get Into the Groove". If KISS can put the makeup back on, Madonna can bring back the boy toy belt buckle. Timbaland isn't going to make you hip again.
Posted by: Neil | April 29, 2008 at 01:42 PM
Yo Steve, Congrats on the E&P nominatin, you're up against some pretty heavy hitters, USA Today's pop candy, way to go ... good luck!
Posted by: chase | April 29, 2008 at 02:31 PM
Bravo, Mr. Spears. A most well-deserved nomination indeed. Yay!
Posted by: jane | April 29, 2008 at 03:10 PM
Music today is a HUGE disappointment. Hip Hop has really taken the integrity out of music. The word going around is true, anyone can get a grammy now. I haven't listened to regular radio in over 10 years. I thank God for XM and the Boneyard. I hate paying for it, but it beats the alternative and commercial free.
Posted by: Complaint Department Manager | April 29, 2008 at 03:19 PM
Entertainment Weekly gave the album a fairly good review but they included a phrase that sums up my feelings about Madonna at this point: "mid-life crises."
I have not heard Madonna's new album. but from the cover art and her choice of collaborators it's not too hard to conclude that she's just not interested in making music for people her own age. I'm not asking for her to go the unplugged route or the Rod Stewart "standards" route either, but how about something a bit more mature than this? You're right Steve: Madonna's music was once actually subtle at times. There's nothing subtle about her now.
Posted by: GlennS. | April 29, 2008 at 05:45 PM
Timbaland makes music that people like to dance to in clubs. You may not like it, but just because YOU don't, doesn't mean that an album he was a part of is RUINED. For your information, he only did 2 songs on Duran Duran's album: Skin Divers & Zoom In. And I thought Skin Divers was incredible. As was most of the Red Carpet Massacre album. Just because some artists who started in the 80's artists like to stay current with the producers of today, by no means makes an album "ruined."
On another note, selling the song, "Rio" to Caress Brazillian Oil Crap Body Wash to be remade by Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls can *ruin* a song...
Posted by: Lisa Le Bon | April 29, 2008 at 09:09 PM
I'm incorrect, you said "destroyed" not "ruined". Which is an even more ridiculous statement. This is one of their best albums in years!
Posted by: Lisa Le Bon | April 29, 2008 at 09:13 PM
although i am not as harsh as steve was with reference to red carpet massacre, its not nearly their best work. i thought the reunion cd, astronaut, was brilliant. they should have done something along those lines. the new cd has some bright spots, but sadly, not enough of them.
Posted by: chad | April 30, 2008 at 04:06 AM