Falling stars of the 80s

Madonna masquerading as a stripper. Gary Coleman on "Divorce Court." George Michaels cruising the public park bathrooms. Mel Gibson picking fights with the police -- and his liver. Tom Cruise picking fights with -- pretty much the entire civilized world. And let's not even bring up the sins of Pee Wee Herman and Jeffrey Jones.

It's an ugly world out there sometimes, 80s fans.

This is a list I'd hoped we wouldn't have to put together, but the timing seems appropriate. Tell us this: Who are the '80s stars you're most ashamed of these days?

You could make your picks based on problems with the law, substance abuse, fights with other celebs or just really bad cosmetic surgery decisions. Submit as many as you want, but try to rank them whenever possible. Later, we'll unveil the ultimate Hall of Shame list.

Here are some others that come to mind:

MADONNA: She's 49 years old, going on 19. And she still wants to dress like a peep-show girl turned dominatrix. And puleeze! For all that is holy, stop talking with a British accent.

SEAN YOUNG: The glory days are all over for the co-star of "No Way Out," "Cousins" and "Blade Runner." She needs to use a breath-a-lizer now before attending awards dinners.

TOM CRUISE: Yo, Tom, you only "starred" in a movie about Vietnam. So stop acting like you have some battleground syndrome and act like a normal person again. Or at least take your shoes if you want to jump on couches.

PAULA ABDUL: I really don't want to be a cold-hearted snake here. I feel for Paula -- I can't make it through an episode of "American Idol" without drinking heavily either.

Comments

[Bassnote]

Bret Michaels and Flavor Flav: Having a bunch of skanks fight over you for one season of television, okay. But to do it for multiple seasons, ugh.

[Kate]

We mustn't forget the Coreys... I'm not sure which one disappoints me more. Probably Haim, because at one time in my youth I wanted him to violate me. And then he sold his teeth on eBay. And that's totally not the kind of violation I was envisioning.

[Sherrie]

1. Michael Jackson- because nothing says "fall from grace" like child molestation charges. Ditto for the already mentioned Jeffrey Jones, though to a lesser extent.

[jane]

Totally agree, Bassnote. Flavor Flav has become a total caricature. And you can lump Bret Michaels, Vince Neil and Axl Rose into the "What the Hell Were They Thinking?" Plastic Surgery Category.

Gotta mention iconic video vixen Tawny Kitaen. She beat her husband, baseball player Chuck Finely, with her high-heeled boot, was arrested on numerous narcotics charges and ripped Florence Henderson a new one on The Surreal Life. It's apparently a long fall from the writhe atop a car hood...

[Spears]

Not sure why I didn't include MJ in my original list. I guess I keep trying to forget he exists.

[jane]

I was a bit out of the Coreys' target demographic when they were at the height of their fame... however, I can totally see your point, Kate. I'm more partial to the asshat-ed-ness of Feldman, all because of my addiction to the early seasons of The Surreal Life. If he wasn't Bat House Insane, as portrayed on that show, then he was terribly close.

And I think MJ has become such a punchline embarrassment that he's in a category all his own.

[Brad]

MJ was front of mind, but here are some others to think about:

Winona Ryder. Nice shoplifting, waif girl.

The Hoff. David may be big in Germany, but drunken burger eating on camera is not career enhancing.

Scott Baio. Another VH1 reality refugee.

Mel Gibson. Drunk driving, crazy beards, and becoming a "Mosquito Coast" re-enactor (did he move to Costa Rica or just buy property there?)

Okay, back to work...

[Spears]

Drunken-burger eating is bad? What will Sean and I do with our Friday nights now??

[Brad]

Just stay off camera, my friend.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QH3JAp7vMuo

[VineyardWoman]

Gotta be Michael Jackson. Child molestation. AWFUL plastic surgeries. FREAK SHOW!

[Jeff in Cuba]

I'm sure there are many fine candidates, but let's be real:

Michael Jackson, in a moonwalk.

From the absolute highest, never-to-be-acheived-again pinnacle of pop music success 25 years ago to, well, whatever you want to call his current situation.

By any measure, a cataclysmic plummet.

I'd also give a nod to the original MTV VJs. It's not that they did anything particularly wrong, it's just that the zeitgeist that swept them up, swept them out just as quickly, and all within the span of the 80's.

It's really too bad because they were such an iconic part of the early 80's, and now they've all been banished to satellite radio. And MTV airs shows where lesbians get dates based on who's grandmother gives the best lap-dances.

Sigh.

[Rosa]

MJ definitely is the worst.
"Not sure why I didn't include MJ in my original list. I guess I keep trying to forget he exists. "--Lucky you, Spears.

[Clark]

MJ wins for everything listed previously but I'll cast a vote for MTV itself. Watching it now, can anybody believe it ever influenced a generation to the degree it once did?

[Gary]

The answer is simple: stop worshiping brain dead celebrities. There is nothing wrong with watching Top Gun for the 20th time, or cranking "Billie Jean" when it come on the radio. Unfortunately we give the idiots who perform these gems too much credit. Just because they have a talent doesn't make them worthy of anything more than credit for that work.

[jane]

I second Clark's mention of MTV. If video killed the radio star (which actually, it didn't -- it just forced him to hire a stylist), then reality sensationalism killed the video.

[Jeff in Cuba]

The demise of MTV is truly disheartening, and probably worthy of it's own list/post/podcast.

And I'm sure by now someone has already pitched my lap-dancing grannies idea to them.

[Spears]

We're putting Music Television on trial for crimes against 80s humanity? Deliciously evil.

[cheezstake]

I agree that MTV as a whole is an embarassment. MTV was 'IT' in the 80s. In the 90's, MTV began it's plummet into lameness and VH1 carried the 80's torch. Now, it's just all sad.

As far as individuals go...

Michael Jackson
Paul Rubens
Sean Penn
Axl Rose
Brett Michaels
David Hasselhoff

[Bassnote]

I agree with everyone who is burning MTV at the stake. it was once awesome, and is now reality YV for the lowest common denominator.

[Bassnote]

That's TV not YV. My typing stinks

[Brad]

I just spent a good minute trying to figure out what "YV" stood for. (Dang these kids and their newfangled slang words...)

Only then did I read your next post. Oh.

And yes, MTV, lo how the mighty have fallen...

[jane]

I'm thinking Judge Wapner should be the one to hear the case: '80s Nation v. MTV. Either him or Judge Harry Stone.

Actually, let's go with Judge Stone. Much cuter.

[Spears]

Debating whether to add Rob Lowe to the mix.

[jane]

Do it. I thought about it earlier, but got distracted by the MTV talk. And Richie Sambora.

[Marissa]

Rob Lowe is like a Weeble. He wobbles, but is never fully knocked down.

[Marissa]

Here's a former fallen star of the 80s: Robert Downey Jr. And might I just say that I am so freakin' stoked about IRONMAN! I'm taking the Man-cub to see it tomorrow. Totally jazzed. I have heard nothing but great things about it.
He's on the cover of GQ magazine and he's looking abso-fab!

[Tonianne]

The operative word being "former," to be sure.

I played hooky and saw Iron Man today - friggin' awesome.

[Marissa]

I'm so glad to read that, Tonianne. I know Steve Persall gives it a good review on his "Reeling in the Years" blog. Now you give it a friggin' awesome. I'm so stoked!

[AJ]

*Michael Jackson
*Madonna
*The Coreys
*Tom Cruise
*Gary Coleman
*Brett Michaels
*MTV
*Mel Gibson
*Robe Lowe

Yep, its bad day for the '80s *sigh*. Its sad that a such great decade gave us once-popular, now controversial pop culture icons like those above.