Indiana Jones sequel ... your worst nightmare

The Internet reviews of the new Indiana Jones movie -- "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" -- are confirming what many of us feared all along: Extending the life of a trilogy that began and ended in the '80s was a very bad idea.

One review posted on Aintitcool.com called it "the Indiana movie that you were dreading."

Some more criticisms from the reviewer known only as ShogunMaster:

• Harrison Ford "has a few lines that work and a million that don't. He just never shows signs of worry or distress."
• Karen Allen ("Marion Ravenwood") "was actually really great when she was first introduced. ... But after that five minutes, she was sporting a big muggy smile as they continued on their adventure and she was never scared, worried, or nervous, even with the stupid moments that she tries to help."
• This episode's villain, Cate Blanchett, "wasn't overly horrible, but her characters' abilities of psychic prowess were never successfully used and she whenever she caught Indy she was never really intimidating or bad."

Just when you think ShogunMaster is just being cranky, he wraps it up with a telling comparison to the Star Wars prequels: "For those of you that feel that the new Star Wars movies robbed your childhood, expect some molestations from Uncles' George and Steven." Ouch. That's worse than taking a lash of Indy's bull whip across your Holy Grail.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE: Our podcast tribute to "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "Temple of Doom" and "The Last Crusade" is now online. Click here to listen. Or click here to download all our shows for free via iTunes.

[AP photo]

Comments

[Johnny B. Goode]

So, honestly, Steven, what did you really think?

[Lon]

So one review makes this film suck for the rest of us who haven't seen it yet. Gene Siskel didn't like Last Crusade. That didn't seem to stop the film from being a success or being many people's favorite Indy film. Some people will love the new film, other's won't. That's the nature of ANY movie.

[Bassnote]

I rarely take internet reviews seriously. The first internet review of Iron Man I read hated the movie, but that movie turned out to be awesome.

However, the previews I've seen of the new Indy flick did not fill me with hope.

[Miguel]

I don`t think we should take those web critics to seriously,we`ll see for ourselves.I do have some concerns thow. I have some doubts about Shia LaBeouf in it,and i agree with Bassnote,the trailer and teasers are not very engaging.

[Miguel]

Just dowloaded this week podcast,time to listen to it.Although there are not great expectations for the new Indy film,i have HUGE expectations for this Indy podcast.I hope you don`t disappoint me Steve and Sean!

[Mike in Austin]

Miguel, never, never have huge expectations for a SS and SD podcast. They deliver regardless. In the event ANYONE should feel a show is not worthy do one of the following:
1. say "puppies, puppies, puppies"
or
2. think of "the hover"

MinA

[Douglas Arthur]

Yeah since when do we take advice from some schmuck named "ShogunMaster"? I'd need to read a lot more reviews from some more respected critics than some bloggin' bozo who won't even reveal his real name. I am looking forward to the new Indy flick greatly. Will it be best ever? Maybe not, but it will be tough to be as bad as Temple of Doom. Let's wait until next week and then we can discuss relative merits. That is the problem with the internet...everyone wants to make a name being the first to say 'I told you so".

That is all,

[Marissa]

I'm listening to the podcast now. Should I save my remarks for the live chat? Will there be another live chat tomorrow (Sunday) night?

[Miguel]

Spears,why did it have to be Spears?Good start!

[Miguel]

Recreation of Miami Spice, by Steve Spears?!!!

PUPPIES!!!

[Mike in Austin]

SD does not like Red Dawn? Say it ain't so Joe!

[Miguel]

Come on,men! I don`t think Temple of Doom is that bad,i like it,although that Kate Capshaw!Arrgh!!

I agree, The Last Crusade goes neck to neck with Raiders.

[Miguel]

I`m with Sean on this one!Red Dawn sucks!

[Marissa]

WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!

[Miguel]

Harrison:Can you believe 4 hours without a drink?

Clint:Yeah!

Awesome!This podcast was worthy just for that!Thanks Steve Persall,that compensated your poor quiz!

[Marissa]

Wow, now I know how to get my letters read. I need to express my adoration for Spearsy! And here I've been writing letters that were full of content and meaningful walks down memory lane.

[Mike in Austin]

Indeed you may be correct Marissa, but the letter did say the voice! Hell, call me anytime, I'm sure I can give you a good Julio Iglesias.
I ditto your:

WOLVERINES!!!!

[Marissa]

Ooh, Mike! I dated a Brazilian named Julio.
I guess I just don't know what Spearsy and Sean look for in a letter. Woe is me.

[Miguel]

You dated a Brazilian,named Julio hem?So, Marissa,you probably know certain portuguese words,right?You know what i mean!

[Marissa]

Sadly, no. He didn't teach me anything. Well, not linguistically speaking.

[Mike in Austin]

That is the second time today that a female mentioned Brazilian to me.

Can you elaborate please what he taught you? Perhaps he taught you Brazilian Jiu Jitsu?

[Miguel]

Well,to bad Marissa.That means he taught you other things? Because i dated a brazilian girl named Carina,and i learned nothing!

Just finnished the podcast.Sean`s performance,i have no words!

[Marissa]

Actually, he wasn't much for anything, but it sounded great, didn't it?

[Marissa]

OK, Spearsy, who is reading the end credits? It's been your voice in the past.

[Miguel]

Yes,Marissa,it was like this week`s podcast.It promissed,but then...

I hope Julio didn`t ruin the reputation of portuguese speaking people to you.

Hey,maybe Julio and Carina got married,then!

[Marissa]

No, Julio didn't ruin anything for me. The Portuguese speaking people are safe. No harm done.

[Spears]

David Peterkofsky, who voices the opening credits, now will voice the ending credits. Per my request. I just like his radio voice.

[Rosa]

You read my email, aww.

[Rosa]

I have the guts to admit that I loved Best of the Best. I used to watch that and Kickboxer all the time. But then again I still feel very nostalgic for my favorite bad movie that no one else likes, Over the Top.

[John Hays]

While I think the Back to the Future trilogy was awesome, as Steve said it didn't quite make the 80's by part 3, but I'm really surprised that none of the three guys including the movie critic didn't think of the Karate Kid trilogy! That's another personal favorite 80's trilogy.

[Spears]

Hey John -- the final movie in the Karate Kid trilogy didn't come out 'til 1994. Hence, it's not a true 80s trilogy.

Most, but not all, of the Police Academy movies came out in the 80s. But with 7 films, you can't really call that a trilogy. In fact, I have no idea what we should call that series. Except "over." I hope.

[Marissa]

Red Dawn does not suck! Perhaps the acting is ala fromage, but not worthy of a suckatude rating. Wolverines!! I'm totally with Spearsy on this one.

By the way, I'm listening to the podcast again. This time without interruption of a 13 year old wanting to talk about video game rentals.

Here's something that I find surprising; Sean is so subdued. Perhaps Persall has a calming effect on SD. During the Top 10 quotes it seems to take a toll when he can't stop giggling...which I find entirely infectious and adorable.

And BOOYAH, Sean! You totally rock the quiz. I bow to your greatness.

Again, superb input from Steve Persall. "we're not worthy! we're not worthy!"

[David P]

Persall's "Name That Tune" guess -- the love theme from "Shaving Ryan's Privates" -- was truly inspired. And the Harrison/Clint exchange could just as easily be a quote from Sean and Steve, no?

[Jimmy]

Honestly im happy there are people like this reporter who think so much of reviews that they agree with it themselves and are pretty much little puppies to the system because then when i see the movie and its great which it will be because harrison ford is the f'ing man itll be 10 times sweeter because idiots like this guy pay more attention to the reviews then the movie itself

[vince]

Another great 'cast, guys. But how can Daly do a top ten lines from Raiders and not include "Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I can not take away."

I live for the day I can say that to someone...

[Steve Persall]

Thank you, all who enjoyed my podcast input. Like bringing a gun to a knife fight. Now, since I've seen Indy IV and posted my official review and a separate blog posting for Web publication, informed all the right people, etc., I wonder why anyone is paying attention to a marathon masochist who spent his Times time drawing stick figures of Lost episodes, and someone called Shogun Master, rather than finding access to a smart take? Try this for starters: http://blogs.tampabay.com/movies/2008/05/digging-up-bone.html

[Spears]

If Persall says it's good, I'll go see it.

Except for his love of Tin Cup and "Police Academy: Mission to Moscow", I usually agree with his picks.

[John Hays]

Steve,

Actually, the Karate Kid trilogy was all in the 80's. It was a followup movie, The Next Karate Kid, with a completely different protagonist, that was released in the 90's. I don't think that should force the original trilogy to not be thought of as 80's, unless you want to do the same thing to the Indy trilogy because of this new film!

[Ellen]

Wait a second - you are ignoring any good reviews. Between this post and another one in which a friend of yours gives the movie a bad review. Talk about picking and choosing what you want to hear. Rottentomatoes.com shows that 80% of the critics who saw this movie liked it.

Ok you made up your decision not to see it. How about a little unbiased reporting for those who do want to see it?

[patrick]

for some reason i keep thinking Cate Blanchett is going to speak English with a German accent in the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull though she's supposed to be Russian