Don't mess with "Remo Williams"

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1985's "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins," starring Fred Ward, Wilford Brimley, Joel Grey and Kate Mulgrew. The movie was based on "The Destroyer" pulp paperback books and was intended to be the first in a series of movies of based on the character, but it bombed at the box office.

THE PLOT: The death of a loner street cop (Ward) is faked so that he can be recruited to join an ultra-secret government agency (headed by Brimley). After being retrained in a forgotten martial art by Korean master Chiun (Grey), the new "Remo Williams" -- his name is taken from the bottom of a bedpan -- is unleashed to take out a corrupt military contractor.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: Kate Mulgrew, years before taking over command of the Starship Voyager, plays a stiff Army captain who becomes a reluctant ally of Remo. The great William Hickey ("Forget Paris," "My Blue Heaven") also has a cameo as a carnival barker.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: The martial arts instructor isn't Korean at all -- it's a heavily made-up Joel Grey, better known to theater fans for winning an Academy Award and Tony award for his role as the "master of ceremonies" in the stage and big-screen versions of "Cabaret." (Obscure trivia: Grey -- father of Jennifer Grey -- would reunite with Mulgrew on "Star Trek: Voyager," playing a guest role in 1996.)

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "As the title alludes, the movie was obviously intended to be the first in a series. Too bad that it tanked. The hero is all set up to get the girl, Chiun must have a whole bag of insults left, and we will never know if the soap opera character walked again." -- BadMovies.org

WHY WE LOVE IT ANYWAY: There's a freakishly likable chemistry between all the characters, but especially Remo and Chiun, who fires off insults in an manner that would impress Jackie Mason, Lisa Lampanelli and Jeffrey Ross. Without Chiun, you're looking at a really lame comic book movie -- or the script to an Indiana Jones sequel.

5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM CHIUN IN REMO WILLIAMS:

5. "Your reflexes are pitiful! The seasons move faster."

4. "Women should stay home and make babies. Preferably, manchild."

3. "Professional assassination. It's the highest form of public service."

2. "The trained mind does not need a watch. Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss."

1. "Pitiful. I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work."

Comments

[Joe P]

what, you mean there's no sequel to remo williams coming out?

[Dave Clark]

They tried a TV series pilot with Roddy McDowell as Chiun..not so good.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0236677/

[CHAD]

remo has a great theme song as well. its called, what if(theme from remo), and its written and sung by the great, tommy shaw.

[Jeff from Vegas]

Spearsy,

You just have to realize that Jack Burton in meant to be over-the-top and slightly clueless. And don't forget that a young Kim Catrall is also in the movie.

[jane]

Ah, Rick in S-dale, I'm temptable, but not that temptable... however it's been years since I've seen "Naked Lunch" so I won't be pontificating on it. Yet.

(I do rather like Cronenberg's real '80s classic: "The Fly.")

[Spears]

I tried to watch "Big Trouble" a few weeks ago. I couldn't make it through 15 minutes. I needed more Jack Daniels and less Jack Burton.

[Former Producer Dave]

That Jamie Lee Curtis footage was added back to "Buckaree" for its' DVD release. The movie was held up for YEARS in legal turmoil over ownership before it could be reissued. The only formats were VHS and Laserdisc.

[John Hays]

So Steve, speaking of BTILC, have you watched it yet now that you actually bought the dvd? Are you overcome with the greatness of Jack Burton?

[Bassnote]

I agree with chad at work about full screen DVDs. I only buy widescreen format. I have a few full screens, but they were bought for me by others.

[Eric62]

Somehow, when I saw Buckaroo Banzai on opening night (on the first date with future mrs. eric62), there were a dozen or so guys already dressed in BB costumes.

Sometimes I wonder where those guys are now, and I worry that I might be working for some of them right now.

[Rick in Scottsdale]

jane wrote:
Where in the hell have I been that I have seen neither "Remo Williams" nor "Buckaroo Banzi?"
.
.
.
Must remedy this soon...

Me:
Don't take the bait. It's the cinematic equivalent of meth. Stay right where you are, fresh and young, untainted, where there is sanity, here beneath the sandstone.

Do it and the next thing you know, we'll be reading posts from you about the brilliance of VIDEODROME or NAKED LUNCH.

Oops, now I've told jane not to do something. It'll just be a matter of moments before she's finding the fastest way to get her hands on REMO and BUCKAROO.

Ah, that sweet forbidden fruit, Lady Eve....

[Jeff in Cuba]

The Big Trouble in Little China script was completely re-written by W.D Richter, the producer/director of...

...Buckaroo Banzai.

[Jeff from Vegas]

Jamie Lee Curtis' Buckaroo Banzai performance is on the DVD, but I don't remember if they restored it to the movie or if they added it as a special feature.

Hey, speaking of cheesy '80s action flicks infused with a little humor, does anyone remember Big Trouble in Little China?

[Spears]

I do like it when the one Rasta alien gives the president the little hand jiggle to say goodbye. That got a laugh out of me.

We almost need a list of movies like Banzai that are hard to appreciate, but have a devoted cult following.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Jeff,

I know the humor in Buckaroo was fully intentional, and I suspect the same thing applies to Remo.

More Buckaroo trivia: Jamie Lee Curtis' performance as Buckaroo's mother Sandra Banzai, was left on the cutting room floor.

[Jeff from Vegas]

It's the cheesy action/unintentionally funny '80s movie thread!

Although I liked Remo Williams, I liked Buckaroo Banzai much better. All of the good aliens were Rastafarians. How cool is that?

[Marissa]

Oh Spearsy how doth break my heart. Shoot that poison arrow ...

[Spears]

I think the closing credits were what sent me over the edge when I watched it the first time.

I'll confess: I hate comic book movies, so those flicks just don't resonate with me.

Give me Vision Quest, Linda Fiorentino, a killer soundtrack with Journey and a unitard any time.

[Marissa]

Current earworm: End credit theme from Buckaroo Banzai.
Dig it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WzB1Rtr7Q0

[Jeff in Cuba]

Dave,

What heinous guy-foul did I commit?

Did I pee on the toilet seat?

Did I eat the last Funyon?

Did I hit on your ex-girlfriend without waiting the appropriate 12 hours?

[chad at work]

i love remo williams, but alas, its only available on dvd in full screen. i fricking really really hate full screen. i havent bought sereral dvds just because of the dreaded full screen feature.

[Former Producer Dave]

Of course it's nonsensical, Spearsy....that's half the fun. Just go along for the ride. I remember the first time I saw Buckaroo, I kept trying to figure out why I had been dropped into the middle of what seemed like an ongoing story. But that's the whole point. They're comic book heroes and we've been dropped into their world, or League. Once you decide to go along for the ride, you're hooked. All the references to other movies and pop culture are just icing on the cake. BTW, Jeff in Cuba....you messed up something for me. ;-)

[Jeff in Cuba]

Steve,

Sure, Lithgow chews up the scenery, but don't forget about Christopher Lloyd's turn as the alien John Bigbooty. His phonetic protestations (It's Bigboo-tay!) are the 80's incarnation of Heldey Lamar.

And then there's Highlander/Mr. Krabs himself, Clancy Brown, as "Rawhide".

And what about 80's One-Hit Wonder Billy Vera's understated turn as Blue Blaze Irregular, Pinky Carruthers?

I could go on and on...

[Spears]

Lithgow is great in Banzai, but that's about where I draw the line.

Maybe my brain is fried from two many viewings of Valley Girl and Summer Lovers, but Banzai seems nonsensical to me.

[Bassnote]

I love this movie. Joel Grey (Jennifer's dad, maybe he should have said something before she got the nose job) is fantastic as Chiun. A really fun and entertaining movie. I love the bit where he uses a bad guy's diamond tooth to cut through glass.

I have not seen Buckaroo Banzi in years, but i remember John Lithgow being great in it.

[jane]

As have I, John -- now I don't feel so culturally inept.

Flash... aaa-aaah!
Savior of the Universe
Flash... aaa-aaah!
He'll save every one of us

[John Hays]

Jane - you're not alone. At least I've seen Flash Gordon, so that's something.

[Marissa]

Baby, I walk on the edge! The wild-side, if you will. Bring it!

[Former Producer Dave]

Ahhhh, two of my guiltiest pleasures! I doubt our Fearless Leader will do podcasts about either of these movies, but I love 'em both. I bought both of them on laserdisc (remember THOSE?) and the theme music for "Remo..." is amazing when it's turned up full blast.

[jane]

Where in the hell have I been that I have seen neither "Remo Williams" nor "Buckaroo Banzi?" Seriously. I didn't think this was a sedimentary rock I was living under, but I think I might be mistaken.

Must remedy this soon...

[Spears]

You dare anger Chiun with your vane postering for Banzai. The master of Sinanju will not be pleased.

[Marissa]

Jeff, I knew you'd come through in defending the honour of Buckaroo Banzai.

Could Remo keep in time with a catchy end credit tune? Me thinks not. Not with style, anyway.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I'm a card-carrying member of the Blue Blaze Irregulars (the Buckaroo Banzai fan club). My BBI code name is "Pasco".

So I can confidently predict that Buckaroo, who is half-Japanese and an expert martial artist, would have no trouble holding his own against Remo with any variety of weapons.

But could Remo plant a transponder in the brain of an Eskimo boy? Could Remo pilot a modified pickup truck through a mountain? Could Remo throw down a killer horn solo?

And most importantly, why is there a watermelon there?

[Walter Cox]

"Chiun, you're incredible" "No, I am better than that"

Oh, no. I can't agree on Buckaroo Banzai. I actually caught some of this flick on cable again over the weekend, and it's still painful for me to watch.

Remo would take out Buckaroo in a knife fight.

[Marissa]

Like Remo Williams' continuing adventure, I'm awaiting the second installment of Buckaroo Banzai.

I liked this movie. I remember watching it on VHS the first time around 1987. I thought it was funny, quirky, and had great potential.

I just watched it again a couple of months ago. Although, my weird neighbor came knocking and I missed a good chunk of it. Why I didn't hit pause is beyond me.

[Smilin' Joe]

I love this movie. I'm still waiting for the adventure to continue.