Anyone know how to fly a plane?

Today's the big travel day to Las Vegas for a group of brave (read: "foolish") Stuck in the 80s fans who are congregating (read: "drinking then passing out") in Sin City for the Morris Day and The Time show and the Regeneration Tour.

It's probably a bad time to confess that ever since seeing all the "Airport" disaster movies of the '70s, I'm a wee bit anxious about flying. But I figure as long as I'm not flying Trans Global airlines and the captain doesn't look like Jack Lemmon, Dean Martin or George Kennedy, I should be OK.

But then there's 1980's "Airplane," and my confidence drips away. What mystic force caused me to watch this movie 4 hours before heading to the airport is anyone's guess. But here are the lines from the movie that scare me most.

TOP 5 FLYER-UNFRIENDLY LINES FROM AIRPLANE:

5. "I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota..."

4. "The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner."

3. "I know but this guy has no flying experience at all. He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too."

2. "They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash."

1. "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"

Talk to you soon from Vegas!

The enduring majesty of Journey

Say one thing about the Journey-Heart-Cheap Trick tour: After four solid hours of 70s and 80s rock, these three bands had nothing left to prove to anyone.

Here are some highlights from the tour stop at Tampa's Ford Amphitheatre on Wednesday night:

EARLY START: It looked like a nearly full house at the outdoor venue, but maybe half had managed to arrive in time for Cheap Trick's 7 p.m. start time. That's a shame, because Robin Zander & Co. played only 45 minutes.

IF THEY WANT OUR LOVE, THEY GOT IT: Despite their short set, Cheap Trick got in all the classics, including "The Flame," which doesn't work itself in set-lists often. And hearing "Surrender" live just proves once again it's one of the best teenage anthems of any decade.

THEY'RE NEVER ALONE: Heart sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson were brilliant in an hour-long set. If you've never seen Heart play live, then frankly you haven't seen the best that rock n' roll has to offer. When Nancy starts the frantic acoustic chord work of "Crazy on You," I felt like my heart was about to explode. "Magic Man" remains as powerful today as it did 32 years ago. And their acoustic version of "Alone" never seems to lose its charm.

WE (HEART) HEART: The fans seemed surprised by Heart's commanding performance. A female fan two rows in front turned around and gushed at me: "God, I love Heart!" When waiting in the t-shirt line, where Heart's "Crazy on You" tank-tops were hot-sellers, another woman asked me, "Do you think Heart will come back and play more?" Nope, I told her while explaining the night's lineup, and she seemed  crushed.

NO DREAMS: One missing piece to the Heart set -- "These Dreams," their 1986 classic sung by Nancy. But reportedly she had a cold, so we'll take a rain check.

A LITTLE WARM: Pass the word to other bands visiting soon -- it's warm here in Florida during the summer. Still most bands came on stage dressed like they were playing a winter sock-hop at Clear Lake, Iowa. (Oh, I'd have paid double to see Nancy Wilson in a skirt and halter-top. Sorry, Cameron Crowe. You're wife is amazing, and I'm only human)

NICE SURPRISE: Journey opened with a surprise -- playing "Majestic," an aptly titled instrumental from 1979's "Evolution" album. Many fans recognize it also as the opening tune from their live "Captured" album. The harmonizing by the band members sent chills straight from your feet to your brain stem. The perfect opening to a great set.

ARNEL IS THE REAL DEAL: New lead singer Arnel Pineda worked the stage like a seasoned front-man, no small task in a steamy Florida summer night. Give him another two years, and he'll be the face of the band.

TWO-TISSUE SPECIAL: In an odd move, Journey stacked their two best-known ballads on top of each other, playing "Open Arms" and then going straight into "Faithfully." But hey, they've been doing this for 35 years now. I'm sure they had their reasons. Just feel free to share those with the women around me who spent 10 solid minutes crying during that love-a-polooza marathon.

THE CLASSICS: Many of the band's older tunes in the set -- "Lights," "Wheel in the Sky" and encore "Lovin' Touchin' Feelin' " -- had some extra zing that really brought them alive. But "Separate Ways" -- never my favorite tune -- really was pumped up, and it made all the difference.

WHAT ABOUT...: Hey, no "Who's Crying Now?" No problem, as far as I'm concerned. It wasn't for lack of time though. A hillbilly jam with Jonathan Cain on harmonica and Neal Shon on acoustic guitar seemed out of place and time-consuming. Still, it's obvious the band is changing its set-list nightly, and that's always the sign of a confident group of musicians.

THE SHIRTS: Ah, of course, the big question. All three bands have decent shirts for sale. And yeah, I bought two, including a Journey shirt that will soon replace my beloved 1981 "Escape Tour" jersey. (Click here to buy a replica online.) I chose a traditional black number, with the "Revelation" artwork on front and the tour stops listed on back. Dare I say classic?

BOTTOM LINE: A fantastic lineup of bands who still perform as well today as any point in their careers. This is the summer tour to beat right now. If this lineup passes within 500 miles of you, go!

Video didn't kill Journey's star

Let's face it: Journey is about eight years overdue for a spot in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Eligible since 2000, our San Fran rockers are victim to the sort of pre-Darwinian mentality that puts Madonna into the hall before them.

But our Neal, Ross and the gang are no threat to win the coveted MTV Video Vanguard award for a career of great music videos. I can't think of a band in the 80s that did less with MTV than Journey. And that's OK with fans, so long as they keep banging out great music and hitting the road for tours.

Still, if you force the issue, here's what you have...

TOP 5 JOURNEY VIDEOS:

5. WHEN YOU LOVE A WOMAN (watch it): Ah yes, the obligatory "look, we're recording the song" video.

4. SEND HER MY LOVE (watch it): Note to all our favorite bands. Always gotta love the "live concert" video with the studio version of the song laid in over the top.

3. ANY WAY YOU WANT IT (watch it): Late 70s cheesy goodness. Ross Valory looks like he belongs in Molly Hatchet, not Journey.

2. SEPARATE WAYS (watch it): I think the air-playing of the instruments is border-line creepy, but this video is as '80s as it gets.

1. FAITHFULLY (watch it): Steve Perry with a mustache in the ultimate "weary band on the road" tale. Any more questions?

Planning the perfect concert experience

This is a big concert week for a small group of Stuck in the 80s fans and particularly me. And big concert weeks require a lot of strategic planning.

It begins tonight with seeing Journey for the first time in 27 years. (And seeing Heart for the first time ... Cheap Trick for the third time.) But it continues with a small contingent of blog/podcast fans going to Vegas to see Morris Day and The Time on Friday and the Regeneration Tour on Saturday.

Considering the historic significance behind all these shows (Morris' first reunion show in 20 years; a rare U.S. appearance by The Human League), there's added pressure on the planning -- anything to make sure these became ideal experiences.

So without further hyperbole, here's my fool-proof, 10-step "day-of" plan for a great concert experience.

1. TAKE THE DAY OFF: Concerts are better enjoyed when you not rushing to the venue from the office. Plus, at our age, a nice afternoon siesta after a late afternoon, pre-concert feast of Taco Bell gorditas never hurts.

2. NO PLAYING THE MUSIC OF THE BANDS YOU'RE SEEING: Sure, it's OK to overdose on Journey's new album in the weeks leading up to the show, but I have a strict policy against it on gameday. I want the music to feel fresh. (I should say that my frequent concert pal Sean Daly maintains the opposite of this rule.)

3. CHOOSING A WARDROBE: Don't wear the shirt of the band you're going to see. ("Don't be that guy," as Jeremy Piven says in "PCU.") These days, I go with my patented black Tommy Bahama knockoff shirt, usually with jeans and shoes that won't be ruined by sloshing through concert arena muck. But by all means, mentally undress those of the opposite sex who wear the faded baby-doll concert tees from previous tours.

4. BRING A GOOD FRIEND, NOT A DATE: You won't remember the date's name a month from now. But your friend and you will talk about the show 'til the day you're both sitting side by side in the nursing home, waiting for your sponge-baths.

5. ARRIVE EARLY: Back in the old days, when it was general admission to most arena shows, this was mandatory if you wanted good seats. Now it just makes sense so that you can relax and even browse the concert tees (Hint: take then back to your car after purchase, since you parked so close).

6. GO EASY ON THE DRINKS: A shocker, I know, but everyone remembers the tragic ending to my "ziplock bags of rum" story from the Sting concert back in '85. To this day, I rarely have more than one or two drinks before or during a show. Remember, you don't drink beer ... you only rent it. And I hate paying the rent check while missing out on great tunes.

7. KNOW THE SET-LIST: This is a controversial practice of mine, but lately I try to look up the band's set-list on the Web ahead of time, so I know at what point in the show is a good time to grab a hot dog or a final beer. You want to be surprised? Fine. But I was more than happy at the Rush concert to head for my car early rather than listen to the 10-minute, head-numbing encore of "YYZ."

8. MINIMIZE DANCING: At our age, chances are you can't dance anyway. Feel free to stand up, sway around like someone sucker-punched you, but don't annoy your neighbors by pulling out moves best left to the days when you only had to shave twice a week.

9. SING ALONG: I'm anti-dance, but pro singing-at-top-volume. Go figure. Chances are no one can hear you anyway. You honesty think I'll have my mouth shut if Journey plays "Stone in Love?" I'll be in full air-guitar mode as well. Have fun -- it's a concert.

10. PULL A FERRIS THE NEXT DAY: Oh, yeah, the dreaded "stomach flu" (nod, nod, wink, win, know what you mean) -- why does it always strike the morning after the big show? Surely the boss won't begrudge you a few extra hours of downtime. (Oh, he will? Then schedule a phantom doctor or dentist appointment. You'll actually get sympathy for showing up late.)

Will I pull a Ferris the day after this long concert week ends? No need. I'll be vegging in our private pool cabana at the Luxor in Vegas on Sunday with the rest of the die-hard '80s fans. That's my final rule in concert planning: Allow plenty of time afterward to bask in the memories with those who went with you.

[AP photo]

Taking a Journey back to greatness

Journey is one day away from its gig here in Tampa Bay at the Ford Amphitheatre, though it seems like we've been waiting years for this tour. (Read my story in today's St. Pete Times here, and click here to hear the Ross Valory podcast interview.)

Naturally, I've spent the last few days looking up the band's setlist from recent shows, trying to figure out if my favorite tunes will be taken for a spin on Wednesday night. The good news is that nearly all of the songs you NEED to hear will be played.

But what about those lost classics? The tunes from earlier albums deserve just as much love as "Stone in Love" or "Faithfully."

The great thing about bands like Journey is that they had great tunes deep into every album they did back in the '70s and '80s, when making a "complete album" was still a cherished art form.

These days, iTunes has pretty much dissolved that necessity for musicians. But forgive me if I look back on fonder years. (Dude, it's what I do.)

TOP 5 LOST JOURNEY CLASSICS:

5. STAY AWHILE: "Reach out your hand, oh, to me. Oh, I'm fallin'."

4. THE PARTY'S OVER: "What can this poor boy do when he's hopelessly in love with you?"

3. DIXIE HIGHWAY: "I don't care what you want to be, baby, long as you're happy and free."

2. LINE OF FIRE: "Bye, bye, bye, Suzi."

1. JUST THE SAME WAY: "Come with me, never go away. Every day we will fly."

All '80s, all night this Saturday

George Michael's gig in Tampa Bay is around the corner. And for those of you who want to make his Aug. 2 gig at the St. Pete Times Forum into the ultimate 80s night, here's some great news.

Rubix Cubed, the official 80s cover band of Stuck in the 80s, is playing an after-party on Saturday at Tampa's MacDintons (405 S. Howard Ave. in Soho). The band's 80s "veejay" also will be spinning music videos, TV and music clips and 80s commercials all night.

If you didn't catch Rubix Cubed at '80s Night at Tropicana Field this summer, you missed out on a good show. The band covers all the great classics, including "She-Bop," "Video Killed The Radio Star" and "Melt With You." Listen to their music, and get a schedule of their upcoming shows at their MySpace page.

Will George show up and sing along to "Someone to Love?" Only one way to find out.

Helen Mirren ... beloved 80s comrade

Gotta be careful about how this next sentence is worded ... ah, caution be damned: Helen Mirren is a babe!

Sorry, but it's true. Mirren, who turned 63 years old over the weekend, recently was photographed wearing a bikini by paparazzi, and the result? Well, click here to see her. Don't worry -- it's a safe-for-work photo. And it's OK to leer at her -- she did co-star in 1979's "Caligula" for crying out loud. More teenage boys reached puberty watching that movie than "Risky Business" and "My Tutor" combined.

While Helen is rightfully earning long-overdue praise now for her recent portrayal of Her Royal Majesty in 2006's "The Queen," let us not forget that like all true geniuses, she really shined in our beloved decade.

My personal favorite? "White Nights," playing the abandoned but ultimately sympathetic ex-lover to Mikhail Baryshnikov. And I'm sorry Mikhail, but if I had Helen as a girlfriend in the 80s, I'd have stayed back in the U.S.S.R. (You don't know how lucky you are.)

TOP 5 HELEN MIRREN MOVIES OF THE 80s:

5. 2010 (1984): "You have been drinking your whiskey from Kentucky!"

4. THE LONG GOOD FRIDAY (1980): "Saved by the bell. Goodnight."

3. THE COOK THE THIEF HIS WIFE & HER LOVER (1989): "Try the &$#@, Albert. It's a delicacy, and you know where it's been."

2. EXCALIBUR (1981): "Can't you acknowledge... love? Perhaps you ache for what you've never known."

1. WHITE NIGHTS (1985): "Yes, I rebuilt my life! I was supposed to throw everything away so that you could live in Disneyland?"

Sunday chat: 3 years of podcasting

Seems like forever since we all got together for a powwow, doesn't it? Sunday's chat is now over, but the transcript remains. Just click on "comments" and read what everyone had to say.

Among the topics discussed: the highs and lows from 3 years of Stuck in the 80s, but I'll also revealed:

• My own top 5 list of my favorite podcasts to date;
• A top 5 list of most-requested podcasts.
• A list of top 5 people we're still dying to interview.
• A sneak preview of next week's podcast for everyone to download , and;
• Both Gina Vivinetto and Cathy Wos, our beloved former co-hosts, dropped by and chatted for a while.

Not bad for a Sunday night, eh?

I'm still thinking about whether to try a chat LIVE FROM VEGAS next Sunday night.

Sunday chat returns: Anniversary edition

That's right, after giving us a shot at much-needed social lives on Sunday nights, the live chat returns this weekend to Stuck in the 80s.

The topic this Sunday: We blow out the candles and celebrate the three-year anniversary of Stuck in the 80s by chatting up the biggest hits and misses of the last 135 shows. And we look ahead to Year 4 with your suggestions on topics we haven't touched yet.

It was July 22, 2005 when Gina Vivinetto and I recorded Episode #1, a 13-minute tribute to "The Breakfast Club." Only 13 minutes, you ask? It was supposed to be only 5 minutes long and fit inside another podcast that Tampabay.com was already producing. My bad.

Sure, we've had some miscues. Our show about The Cars lacked any real zing. My interview with Andrew Dice Clay was a rough show. And when Cathy Wos and Sean Daly spent a half hour beating on my skull during our "St. Elmo's Fire" episode, I about left town.

So join us Sunday night at 9 p.m. Eastern time and we'll sit around the campfire and roast a few more episodes. Maybe a few former hosts will make surprise appearances.

Podcast: Keeping time with Ross Valory

When it comes to getting answers about Journey, there are few people on the planet you can trust more than bassist Ross Valory. (The other name that comes to mind? Guitarist Neal Schon -- he and Valory are the sole remaining founding members.)

So imagine how difficult it was to squeeze 35 years of band history into about 25 minutes. The result of which is our Stuck in the 80s podcast this week -- Journey's rebirth, featuring a nice chat with Ross, who happily answered my queries just hours before taking the stage for a show that night in Iowa.

What will Ross reveal? The whereabouts of former members Gregg Rolie (umm, here) and Steve Smith (and here) for starters. And he'll surprise you with revealing who came up with the idea for the 3-disc set we know as "Revelation." For the rest, you'll just have to listen.

Click here to download the show. Or click here to get all our shows delivered automatically via iTunes. Don't forget: Journey, along with Heart and Cheap Trick, is criss-crossing the U.S. right now on tour. They play July 30 in Tampa at the Ford Amphitheatre.

[Photo from rossvalory.com]