Still laughing through the tears

A good friend lost her father today. And as someone who lost a dad just over a year ago -- and has yet to really get over it -- I was at a loss to provide any really sound advice.

Here at Stuck in the 80s-land, I'm pretty much able to wrap up any occasion -- sad or happy -- in a flurry of movie quotes, song lyrics or incredibly bizarre stories of my inept social behavior from days long gone. Still, going into my patented "Is this the man who wrecked the buffet at the Harrow Club" routine from "Beverly Hills Cop" didn't seem like the way to go this time around.

Let's face it: I'm the guy you turn to for perspective when your spouse runs away with a tubby bus driver from Cleveland ("I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'.") Or the guy you give a cheap cigar to when you have a baby ("You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste.")

But death? All the good lines are from the '70s, for crying out loud. God bless Woody Allen's "Love and Death" -- my dad and I were big fans. ("And so I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Actually, make that 'I run through the valley of the shadow of death' - in order to get OUT of the valley of the shadow of death more quickly, you see.")

May all of those who have lost loved ones this year find peace, especially you Jen. And if I can be of any help, just pass me that cheap cigar and take heart in the only words of comfort I'm capable of invoking.

TOP 5 MEANING OF LIFE QUOTES FROM 80s FLICKS:

5. "Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst." (Starman)

4. "A little advice about feelings, kiddo: Don't expect it always to tickle." (Ordinary People)

3. "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." (Steel Magnolias)

2.  "If we can't get strong from what we lose, what we miss, what we want and can't have... then we could never get strong enough, could we? What else makes us strong?" (The Hotel New Hampshire)

1. "I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." (Dead Poets Society)

Comments

[SM]

I'm so sorry for your friend Jen. In the past five years, I've lost both my dad and my stepdad... double the love and double the sadness. They were both relatively young and it was a staggering blow each time.

I've learned that little reminders pop up everywhere and some days they create a horrible lump in your throat and the blur of tears, while other days you bask in the delight of a happy memory.

And Steve, please take heart in knowing that most people have no clue what to say. I'm incredibly touched by what you've written and I don't know either of you; so I'm sure the impact is magnified for your friend. Prayers to Jen and her family.

[Brett]

You can't choose the script of life, only it's soundtrack....

Physically, your dad is gone. Spiritually, he'll live on as long as you choose to remember him.

And, remember, it's not a funeral. As we say in New Orleans, it's a Celebration of Life.

You were fortunate enough to have this person around. Mourn his passing, then celebrate the fact that he was alive and you had the honor of knowing him....

[Carla]

My thoughts and prayers go out to your friend Jen and her family. I have not lost a parent, but I do know loss, grief and pain very well.

Time, Memories and Laughter will get you through the hard times. God Bless.

[John Hays]

My mom passed away two years ago way too young. Tough stuff. I still think about her all the time.

A great 80's movie moment that I always remember a certain actor from after his passing:

"You want to hurt me? Go ahead if it makes you feel better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like--I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get."

[chase]

Lost the old man in '03 ... greatest regret? He didn't get to see the Sox win the World Series. Would've made him smile. But in that Yankees game, with their back to the wall, and that long drive into center, which would've scored three, bounced into the stands for a ground rule double, halting the runner at third ... mom says he was there with a little nudge over the fence.

As for 80s movie quotes ... it's from 1991, but Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey deserves a grandfather clause ...

Dead Bill: Best of seven?
Grim Reaper: DAMN RIGHT!

[Former Producer Dave]

I was still on the staff of the Times when I lost my dad in April of 2005. A couple months later, I met Steve and Gina and began working on the Stuck in the 80s show. I firmly believe it was the ONE thing that kept me sane that year. Steve, the best thing you can do for Jen is be there to help her learn how to laugh again.....the same way that you and Gina helped me.

[Marissa]

This is a very sweet, very fitting expression of sympathy and condolences. It suits you, Steve, but also gives insight to how compassionate and caring you are.

God Bless Jen and her family during a heartwrenching phase of life.

[Bassnote]

My thoughts and prayers are with your friend Jen.

[jane]

Beautiful post -- and my thoughts go out to Jen and her family at this most difficult time. Life is a fragile thing -- it's our memories that are what is strong.

Hugs and love...

[Miguel]

Unfortunately life doesn`t have a script where we can choose a possible happy ending.Life is what it is,we just have to try to do our best at it,and hope for the best. The ending, we all know what it is for all of us.In this difficult moments,laugh through the tears or just cry, whatever can help.
As a movie quote i turn to the Monty Python to just say:"Always look at the bright side of life!". If possible.

[Douglas Arthur]

I am very much not the right person to come to. I never know what to say
I express myself more creatively, I think.
My father-in-law passed on a year ago, and I didn't really know how to comfort my wife very well, but I really poured myself into making a great slideshow of his life to show at the wake. I spent hours scanning old photos and having my wife help me pick music out that he liked. i have to say it turned out well and I wound up burning about 20 DVD copies of it to give to relatives who wanted something to remember him by.

15 years ago or so a good friend of mine hung himself, and I never knew what to say to his family or his brother who was also a good friend. I think I wound up drawing some pictures and writing bad poetry that I have locked away. Death is tough, that's for sure. And there ain't no coming back.

I have dodged a bullet several times thus far with my Dad, and it has made me cherish the time i get to spend with him now, and every time I see him, I tell him I love him, because I never know if it could be the last time. Both my parents are "at that age". I know it will probably happen sooner rather than later, but I can't live in fear of it happening. I have to enjoy the now with them. If you haven't called your Dad or Mom lately, I suggest you do it. You'll thank yourself later.

[Blaine]

Very sorry to hear about your friend's loss.

Thank Heaven for happy memories. They have a remarkable way of keeping us going.

P.S. Love the Woody Allen quote; he's one of my few non-'80s faves.

[Steve]

I am so sorry to hear of Jen's loss, I lost my father in march of this year. I miss him so much, he was a great Dad. I think of him all the time. Like Sherrie above if I hear a George Jones song(Dad Loved Country), see an old nice car or watch the 3 stooges or Tom and Jerry, I feel he is with me. You are in my prayers. God Bless

[sparky]

I lost my dad 5 and 1/2 years ago and I don't think I'll ever get over it, you just deal with it. It is the weird stuff that makes me stop in my tracks or laugh my tookus off. I guess the biggest things are songs. Dad loved the Righteous Bros, 3 Dog Night, Buddy Holly, Johnny Cash among others. I still can't hear Jeremiah was a Bullfrog without singing it at the top of my lungs. It was much better as a duet.

Hope your friend finds whatever works for her.

[Sherrie]

Very well put. I never know how to help those who've lost someone- my father-in-law passed a few days after Christmas this year, and even though we've been married 15 years I was at a loss as to how to help my husband through the grief. Now, months later, we find that recalling the songs, movies and funny stories he loved are, for us at least, the best way to deal with his absence. Either way, it's tough- forever, I'd imagine.

[Mike in Austin]

God Bless.

MinA