Valley Girl ... the musical? Like totally gross

"Valley Girl," the 1983 classic that made a star out of Nicolas Cage and turned the music of Modern English into an 80s cliche, is now set to be remade ... as a musical.

Entertainment Weekly reports that MGM is developing the idea, with plans to keep the same storyline and songs. The new flick would be produced by Sean Bailey, who's also working on a "Tron" sequel. (What? You mean the computer world has evolved since 1982? My TI-99/4A and 1200-baud modem beg to disagree!)

Of course, "Valley Girl" isn't the only '80s classic getting the musical remake. "Footloose - The Musical" is planned for a 2010 release with "High School Musical's" Zac Efron slated to take over the role of "Ren," made famous by Kevin Bacon.

Still, Valley Girl? If it must be done, here are some suggestions:

• Have Nic Cage and Deborah Foreman play the roles of "Julie's" parents. I can totally picture Nic running the health food store in the Valley.
• Re-introduce the lovely E.G. Daily, but give her the cougar role of "Stacie's mom." (But this time, she lands "Skip.")
• Let the L.A. rockers The Plimsouls reunite to play again in Randy's favorite Hollywood bar, powering out "Million Miles Away" and "Oldest Story in the World." That'd be worth the ticket price alone.
• For the roles of "Randy" and "Julie," do the unthinkable: Pick two unknowns to play the parts -- just like director Martha Coolidge did 25 years ago. That would be like tripendicular, ya know?

Comments

[Marissa]

Steve. Enough. It's not April Fool's Day. This joke needs to cease.

[Douglas Arthur]

I have heard of stranger things...who would've thought that a fringe John Waters movie like Hairspray or Cry-Baby would get turned into musicals? If they are moving into the Nic Cage ouvre, why not turn something more obscure and better into a musical, like Vampire's Kiss?? And get Zac Effron or that hunky David Cook to star. Now that would be just the bomb-diggity.

Valley Girl is the Citizen Kane of 80s cheese. You don't monkey with perfection.

Steve, you need to call in some favors and put a stop to this madness at once.

[Jeff in Cuba]

The corporate shills at MGM/Disney casting unknowns? Never gonna happen.

You can give up your hopes of a new Randy, Fred & Skip. I have no doubt the Jonas Brothers are already in a heated game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" over who gets to play which role.

[Bassnote]

No. PLEASE, no!

[Neil]

I don't know if I will get my 80's card pulled for saying this, but I hated "Valley Girl". I was expecting something completely different when I originally saw the movie, and I have tried watching it several more times to see if I just had unreal expectations and each subsequent viewing did not improve this movie. It also probably doesn't help that I hate Nicolas Cage. The one thing that I did enjoy about "Valley Girl" was the music, so I am not sure if a musical might actually work better for me, but I am guessing no.

[Miguel]

Hahahahahahaha! Valley Girl into a musical! That`s the proof that Hollywood executives have the sensibility of an elephant.

[lauriec]

OMG, this is seriously bumming me out, fer shurrr. Like totally. Gag me with a spoon.

I loved Valley Girl (own the movie on both dvd, vhs as well as the soundtrack & extended soundtrack). Some things (as the anonymous poster above said) are meant to be left alone.

[Tom]

What is going on in Hollywood? Who are the "whiz kids" that got that one green lighted? Anyone remember "Cop Rock"? If you're looking for a sure fire way to lose money, this is it. What's next "Bladerunner...the musical"?

[Bassnote]

Miguel, you are not giving enough credit to an elephant.

[Miguel]

Yes,you may be right,Bassnote.My apologies to all elephants out there(i don´t know if they can read this,but anyway).What about,Hollywood executives have the sensibility of an 18-wheeler semi-truck? Better?

[Spears]

For some reason, I wouldn't mind a Valley Girl sequel as much as a remake (or musical).

[VineyardWoman]

I'm with you spears...I think I would enjoy a Valley Girl sequel. A musical? Barf out...gag me with a spoon...totally!

[Miguel]

Disagree,Steve.I think they should just leave the film alone,like Sixteen Candles.They captured that specific time very well as i know you agree.You,Steve that disagreed some much about the Indiana Jones sequel that made more sense than the Valley Girl sequel would. In your sequel would Nic Cage still have his hairy triangle?

[80sfan]

Someone make it stop. I want to get off.

[Blaine]

Wow, Steve, you had a 1200-baud modem? That rocks. We were saddled with a mere 300-baud for our beloved TI "home computer," along with a snazzy cassette drive.

[Spears]

I only had the nicer modem because I was ... gulp ... president of the computer club back in high school.

Yeah. Seriously.

[Dennis]

arghh, no musical... why do they have to turn all those movies into musicals? totally hate that idea - what will be next - Breakfast Club???

[VineyardWoman]

Aw, Spears...president of the computer club??? My image of you is shot!

[Spears]

Don't say that, Vineyard Woman! I've worked hard over the years to shed the shame of that distinction.

If it makes you feel better, I used the presidency to organize tackle football games against other clubs. And hell yeah, we always won.

And ultimately, I was removed from office by our algebra teacher sponsor who didn't like my wisecracks during meetings.

[Mike in Austin]

This is how I make my exit? This is how it is supposed end? My BELOVED Valley Girl becoming a musical. That is like saying Adam Ant is going classical. Just not right......I'm signing off.....tears in my ends.......lump in my throat.....I just can't handle the news.......goodbye my Valley Girl friends, my 80's cohorts...adios....

[Mike in Austin]

This is how I make my exit? This is how it is supposed end? My BELOVED Valley Girl becoming a musical. That is like saying Adam Ant is going classical. Just not right......I'm signing off.....tears in my ends.......lump in my throat.....I just can't handle the news.......goodbye my Valley Girl friends, my 80's cohorts...adios....

[don in tulsa]

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why do they do these things?

[Blaine]

I can dig it, Mr. Spears - if we'd had a computer club, I likely would've held office. I was on the math and chess teams, though. Care to guess how many babes that helped me "bag"?

[Spears]

Hey, this is "Stuck in the 80s." Safe to say there are more chess team captains here than football team captains.

And I've made my peace with that.

[Marissa]

I had no part of clubs relating to acadamia. Drama, baby! Resident thesbian at your service. Choir geek!

"Hey! Let's all gather around the piano and sing highlights from our past musicals."

"Dude, that is so hot. I want you now!" *such words were never uttered*

[Rick]

What I don't get is that people who go to see musicals aren't typically 80s teen movie fans. Or for that matter, fans of animated movies!

But Lion King, The Musical was a hit, so with the whiff of green
on the air and a lack of upbeat "books" for musicals (people who write "book" for musicals post-Rogers& Hammerstein are some
dour neurotics!), people are buying tickets to be entertained.
Crazy.

But I'm there if they ever want to make a musical for
LICENSE TO DRIVE. But only if the two Coreys are in it.

[Rick]

Seriously though, I would make a musical from CAN'T BUY ME LOVE before I'd touch VALLEY GIRL.

And in the climate of HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL's ridiculous popularity, it would likely make more money than VG.

(An aside, in Hollywood, they want everything edgy. I recently had a producer tell me a 'tweener story about a heroic little girl wasn't edgy enough. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL is the antithesis of edgy and yet it's a billion dollar industry. So, who wants edgy? The public?
Is Hollywood only interested in making money?

Nope.)