'Life is so strange' with Dale Bozzio

Oh, this photo is a keeper. That's me with Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons at the Regeneration Tour stop in Clearwater on Saturday night.

Thus, we dispel ...

Missing Persons Myth No. 1: Dale Bozzio doesn't walk around wearing a metal bikini. Let's face it: Outside of maybe Nancy Wilson of Heart, Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles and my should-have-been prom date Martha Quinn, there aren't many '80s icons I want to see wearing a bathing suit made of steel. (Martha, send me your size, and I'll have one shipped out tomorrow.)

Missing Persons Myth No. 2: She looks about 6-feet-4-inches tall on those classic videos for "Words" and "Destination Unknown," but Dale is closer to 5-feet-2. Very pixie-esque and quite fun to hug. You can tell I'm cutting the circulation off to her upper body while in my death-grip embrace.

Missing Persons Myth No. 3: I was asked this question maybe two dozen times last night. No, drummer Terry Bozzio and guitarist Warren Cuccurullo no longer play in the group. (They reunited briefly a few years ago for a couple shows, but that's it.) In fact, I think it's probably a good idea to keep Terry and Dale in different time zones whenever possible. She did some very creative improvisational artwork on Terry's mugshot on the back of a "Spring Session M" album cover last night.

Missing Persons Myth No. 4: Dale Bozzio is ANYTHING but unapproachable. She stuck around on stage after her set and then in the lobby for at least an hour, signing autographs for a mob of starstruck fans. She might still be signing stuff right now at this very moment. She seemed genuinely touched and surprised by everyone's enthusiasm. I sat back, a dozen yards away at times and just watched as people worked up the courage to approach her, and marveled at their grins after they met her.

Say what you want about the rest of her quirky behavior that night on stage, but you gotta appreciate her love of the fans. That's what makes shows like the Regeneration Tour so damn memorable.

Live from the Regeneration Tour!

Mike Score and A Flock of Seagulls at Ruth Eckerd Hall.

It's finally here: The ultimate '80s roadshow -- the 2008 Regeneration Tour -- has landed in Tampa Bay. I'm here, backstage at Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall, to bring to all the juicy scoop -- or at least make a noble effort.

The show is set to start at 7 p.m. with Naked Eyes, led by my new best friend Pete Byrne, taking the stage. I'll be handling the introductions and then attempting to literally stage-dive into my chair so I don't miss a single note. (Note to security personnel: Just kidding.)

I'll also try to post some pics during the night as well. In the meantime, feel free to fire away with comments and questions. I'll do my best to get you the answers. (First answer: boxers, with little firetrucks on them.)

5:45 pm: Mike Score of A Flock of Seagulls is walking around backstage. My first good deed of the night? Showing him where the restroom is. So all my hours here at the hall finally pay off.

6:50 pm: Just 10 minutes before I have to go slur my way through stage announcements. Cotton mouth sets in. Band members are wandering around freely backstage now. I just bumped into Chris Stainton from Rubix Cubed, the official '80s cover band of Stuck in the 80s. He's sporting a "Frankie Say" shirt. Nice tribute.

7:10 p.m.: We're running late, but about to get started. I just chatted with Pete Byrne from Naked Eyes and Dale Bozzio from Missing Persons. Just as friendly as you'd want them to be.

7:20 p.m.: OK, my stage introductions are over! And the best part was just hanging with Pete from Naked Eyes for the 5 minutes before going out. Fulfilling his promise, he sang "Rocket Man" to me right before I walked out with the microphone. And as has become tradition, I introduced them by saying, "Please welcome, my good friends ... Naked Eyes!"

I doubt I'll get this silly grin off my face any year soon. For the record, tonight Naked Eyes is opening with a killer version of "Voices in My Head."

7:35 p.m.: People are really enjoying Naked Eyes, so I slipped away backstage again. Martin Fry of ABC just arrived and is saying hello to the Seagulls, who are drinking beers and getting ready to go on next.

8:10 p.m.: Pete just popped by and gave me a copy of his single "Movies I Dream" from the "Piccadilly" album, which is due out in 2009. He peeled off the plastic wrapped and signed it -- "Steve, All the best! Pete Byne." Again, can the night get any better?

Dale from Missing Persons joined us for a quick chat. She told Pete she was always a big fan of his songs and so we all just enjoyed the moment. Dale has a crazed energy tonight -- she looks more eager for the show than I am, which is damn near impossible. A Flock of Seagulls is still on stage, playing "Wishing," a song that never got its proper due, I say.

8:20 p.m.: Seagulls is finishing their set with "I Ran." The crowd is really going nuts. Damn straight. This is '80s Night in Clearwater, and there's no going back to today's dull, monotonous music after hearing these bands play live.

8:40 p.m.: Dale Bozzio and Missing Persons got a huge reaction when they appeared on stage moments ago. Dale is constantly pouring champagne into a glass, which she is sipping between songs. (That's the secret to her ability to hit the high notes, I'm deducting.) She opened up with "Destination Unknown" and the crowd jumped to their feet for the whole song. She's still able to hit that "hiccup" note too.

And to answer the big question: No, she's not wearing the metal bikini that she made famous 25 years ago in all those killer MTV videos. She has on bell-bottom jeans, a big black jacket and a fedora.

9 p.m.: The meet-and-greet is on. About 10 of us are waiting for Martin Fry from ABC. Suddenly there he is, just as cool and unassuming as he was during my podcast interview with him. He introduces himself to everyone and poses for whatever photos we want. He remembers me from our podcast interview, and we have a short talk about that interview and the Las Vegas show. Martin says he has a couple new songs to play tonight that we didn't hear in Vegas.

And then I confess that I think ABC blew Human League away during the Vegas show. He gives me a nice grin, and says "Yeah, yeah? Ah, cheers mate! We sorta thought so too."

Just as Martin is finishing up, Mike Score from Seagulls comes in, and we get a chance for a photo with him. My friend John (who took the photo of Dale above) and I have a quick chat with Mike, asking him about "Space Age Love Song," which Mike confesses is his favorite song too. "The keyboard player from ABC asked how I came up with that song," Mike says. "I told him, I just put my hands on the keyboard and went da-dum, and there it was."

9:25 pm: Intermission time again. The Romantics guitarist just walked by my door, strumming along. No red leather suits tonight.

10:20 pm: You wouldn't believe me if I told you what I've been doing the last hour. Really. Let's just say rock n' roll is still alive, and Dale Bozzio is the current reigning queen of that movement. After her set, Dale signed autographs from the stage, from off the stage, outside in the lobby and then right back the backstage door literally for an hour. Maybe two. I've lost time.

"I'm NOT going to not sign autographs!" she tells the security around her. Once people realize she's there and being so accommodating, she's mobbed non-stop with people wanted ticket stubs signed, requesting hugs, photos, everything.

She ended up in the Green Room with a few hardcore fans and held court for all of us, spinning stories you would simply just insist I'm making up. I think she's still in there. I gave her a good hug a couple of times, just because that's what you do in moments like that.

I've missed the entire Romantics set, but I'm ok with it. I have a photo of Dale hugging me, and a special souvenir for uber-fan Johnny B. Goode. (This will make us even for the Eli Manning autography, buddy.)

10:30 p.m.: Martin Fry is outside my room now, dressed in black. Members of Missing Persons are hanging out with him, shooting the breeze. The Romantics are presumably finishing up their set with "What I Like About You." And yes, I've been told Dale's still in the Green Room, telling more incredible stories and sipping champagne.

Final line by the Romantics: "What's what we like about Clearwater, Florida!"

11 p.m.: Here comes ABC. The first song -- "The Very First Time."

11:40 p.m.: No gold suit, but does that really matter? It's ABC. It's Martin Fry.  They ran through a quick set of about six songs. Sadly, no "All of My Heart." But they did a particularly soulful version of "Be Near Me," which was just as endearing. And they had everyone on their feet for "Poison Arrow," "How to be a Millionaire," "When Smokey Sings," and the finale -- "The Look of Love."

Has it really been 25 long years since those songs were top of the chart? Tonight, nobody could remember. And nobody really cared.

I'll post photos of my encounters with Martin, Dale and Mike Score sometime soon, when the buzz from tonight's show wears off. In the meantime, special thanks to all my new friends who showed up tonight wearing "Stuck in the 80s" t-shirts. That meant a lot to me. A very special high-five to Jason Matteucci at Ruth Eckerd for sharing his photos with me. And as usual, never-ending thanks to the entire staff at Ruth Eckerd, who are like family to me on nights like this.

I hope everything was good in the world tonight!

[Photos by Jayson Matteucci of Ruth Eckerd Hall]

Wanna (wink, wink) hear a new podcast?

You know when you have one of those weeks when you never get around to do what you REALLY want to do ... and so something has to give?

Stuck in the 80s is having one of the those weeks, but Sean Daly and I still managed to squirt out a podcast for you. It's not the most cerebral show in our history. And I'm pretty sure Sean falls asleep for a good 10 minutes in the middle, so I patched together my filler roll of Daly bathroom humor and erotic innuendo to fill the void.

Still we had a topic in mind: Our official wrap-up of the 2008 summer concert season. (Cricket, cricket.) Yeah, yeah. The same stuff we talk about in every other podcast.

It's just like some montage episode of "Family Ties," when Alex and Mallory have to go visit their Auntie Beatrice in Youngstown, leaving Steven and Elyse home alone to reminisce -- and to have their dirty, hippie sex.

Click here to download the show. Or click here to get all our shows for free on iTunes.

80 hours of '80s videos!

God bless whatever lifeforms conceived the idea of VH1 Classic. The cable channel has become the only true heir to the greatness that was once MTV. (Man cannot live on "Room Raiders" alone. In fact, whatever "man" is behind that idea needs to spend the rest of his life milking rabid yaks.)

This Labor Day weekend, VH1 Classic is showing 80 hours of '80s videos. The videos are seemingly running in alphabetical order. (That means I can sleep well, knowing the a-hafia has seen their beloved "Take On Me" and will be sending no mail-bombs my direction anytime soon.)

I don't get VH1 Classic here at the cutting-edge digital think-thank that is the sprawling Stuck in the 80s campus in St. Petersburg, Fla. (Motto: "Get back to work!") So while I sell frozen bananas on a stick to tourists with pasty white legs, I'll have to watch the videos online instead.  (Just click here to access the playlist on VH1 Classic's website.)

For my money, I can't get enough of the "Under Pressure" video by Queen with David Bowie. I've watched it three times and counting this morning. Which really means, if my boss is reading this, that I'm only kidding. "Hello ma'am, would you like nuts on your banana?"

Michael Jackson is 50 years old...

The most insane and underachieving musician of the 20th century turns 50 years old today.

Poor Wacko Jacko. He can sell another 100-million copies of "Thriller" but he'll probably always been known as the nut-job who ruined his life, career and reputation with rumors of pet monkeys, faux wives, oxygen tents and under-aged overnight guests.

How will he spend the big day? Jackson told ABC News that he'd probably "just have a little cake with my children and we'll probably watch some cartoons."

We almost believe you.

TOP 5 MEDIA MOMENTS FOR MICHAEL JACKSON:

5. THE EXPLANATION: In a videotaped statement to the public in 1993, Jackson proclaimed his innocence in child abuse charges and lambasted the media.

4. THE BABY DROP: In 2002, Jacko hung Prince Michael Jackson II over a hotel balcony. And sadly, that's only No. 4 on this list.

3. THE KISS: Michael and his Lisa Marie Presley at the 1994 MTV Music Video Awards. "Nobody thought this would last," said Jacko in taunting his critics. Oh, our bad.

2. THE FIRE: In 1984, Michael's hair caught on fire while filming a Pepsi commercial. (Rival soda makers had a Coke and a smile.)

1. THE MOONWALK: The first dance phenomenon introduced over live TV? Maybe. In any case, we had to end the list on a positive note. Jacko first dazzled with this move in 1983 at the Motown 25th anniversary TV special. It's been imitated -- badly -- by legions of fans ever since.

Just like Club Paradise - only with less booze

Does it seem like the Stuck in the 80s blog has been eerily silent today? Probably because I've been on special assignment all day, researching the "top tiki bars in the Tampa Bay area" for a future story. (Queue the special-effects sounds of 100 seagulls using my car as their personal toilet.)

The whole experience reminded me of that Robin Williams sleeper "Club Paradise," also starring Peter O'Toole and Rick Moranis. So I found this interview on YouTube of Williams -- who looks about 20 years old and 50 pounds lighter -- doing a very light schtick while promoting the movie back in 1986. Still, it's a moment captured in time.

So, until my five Diet Coke buzz -- no boozing while on assignment! -- and unexpected facial sunburn wears off, please consider this my humble contribution to your Labor Day warm-up routine.

TOP 5 LINES FROM CLUB PARADISE:

5. "I once met a proud, black man such as yourself, and I gave him a small piece of advise: wear one glove, just one glove. Do you know who that was? ... Willie Mays."

4. "So, the deal is we're driving up into the jungle with a guy we don't even know who's wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night. We should hand him our wallets and slit our own throats."

3. "If the world is going to hell in a bucket, I want to hold the handle."

2. "Oh, no thanks. Last time I smoked that stuff they found me on top of the Sears tower trying to build a nest."

1. "I got a little paranoid and thought people were out to get me. Now I know, they are."

Final summer blast -- at a discount

Some great news for Tampa Bay '80s fans: Ruth Eckerd Hall is running a sale on tickets for this Saturday's "Regeneration Tour" stop in Clearwater.

Fans can buy four tickets for $80 now. Remember, the show starts promptly at 7 p.m. -- an early start time because there are five bands set to hit the stage, starting with Naked Eyes -- one act that you MUST NOT MISS.

For those outside the bay area, no sweat: I plan to blog live from backstage. You can just play your "greatest-of" CDs while you read along.

For those who still doubt that '80s music is the ultimate power in the universe, here are links again to interviews with Martin Fry of ABC and Pete Byrne of Naked Eyes.

• Listen to the ABC interview: Features the new single "The Very First Time" along with clips from their other hit songs.
• Listen to the Naked Eyes interview: Features a song off their upcoming "Piccadilly" album, along with an acoustic version of "Always Something There To Remind Me," as well as other great songs you've forgotten.

World's most beloved sexual deviant?

You got to hand it - no pun intended - to Paul Reubens. Very few actors can survive arrests for public masturbation and child pornography and emerge triumphantly in today's celebrity-crazed world.

Such is the legacy of Pee-wee Herman, the greatest fictional character of the later half of the 20th century. (Yeah, I'm dissing you, Max Headroom, you techno-poser!)

Reubens was arrested in 1991 for masturbating in a Sarasota adult theater during a showing of "Nurse Nancy" (begging the question, what else do you do during a movie that stars "Sandra Scream?") and again in 2001 for an investigation into child pornography. But a little legal wrangling later, he reappeared nearly unscathed.

Reubens -- who turns 56 years old today -- is working again today as Pee-wee, with production of a movie version of "Pee-wee's Playhouse" already in the works and set for release next year.

TOP 5 MEDIA MOMENTS FOR PAUL REUBENS:

5. THE GONG SHOW: Don't ask me to explain what's happening in this 1976 clip. Just watch -- in horror.

4. BATMAN RETURNS: Reubens played the father of Danny DeVito's "Penguin" character in the 1992 stink-fest.

3. CRACK INFOMERCIAL: Don't wait for a punchline -- it's not coming.

2. CHEECH & CHONG: "I'm soooorry I took the money!"

1. TEQUILA: From "Pee-wee's Big Adventure." God bless, youtube.com

'I feel it in the air. Summer's out of reach'

Labor Day is nearly here along with the sobering reality: The summer concert season is nearly over. Let the depression sweep over us.

There's one big show left for us in Tampa Bay: the Regeneration Tour stop on Saturday at Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall. It's an appropriately poetic ending this year for the Stuck in the 80s gang, which has witnessed reunion shows by Van Halen, Morris Day and The Time and The Police, along with other mega-shows by Tom Petty, George Michael and Bon Jovi.

So once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. Don't be surprised if Martin Fry or Pete Byrne catches me with less than dry eyes by the end of Saturday's show.

What we know before that fateful moment is this: What was your favorite show so far in 2008? And what other great '80s artists are you still waiting to see for the first time in concert?

I knocked out a TON of never-seen-before shows this year: Well, frankly everyone I saw was for the first time. But I still have a dozen or more on my wish list.

Send your stories and wish lists via comment or e-mail (stuckinthe80s@tampabay.com) and we'll use it on this week's podcast.

Did Macaulay Culkin kill the '80s?

You can confess to adoring him in "Uncle Buck." You might even shamefully admit you once rented "Rocket Gibraltar" just to catch his cutesy little appearance.

But I'm here to tell you: Macaulay Culkin, who turns 28 today, is the devil and his appearance in movies basically destroyed everything we held dear about the '80s. His rise to short-lived super-stardom came at the stoke of the end of 1989. And his fall in the late '90s was karma and triggered the '80s revival.

I'm betting even John Hughes is nodding along, while sitting somewhere in the basement of his Wisconsin home, throwing copies of "Home Alone" into the furnace to cut the chill, muttering "Are you thirsty for more? Are you thirsty for more!?!" to nobody in particular.

Sleep tight, Johnny. Take solace in knowing that Culkin's real slide into evil didn't begin until he played "The Nutcracker" in '93.

TOP 5 QUOTES THAT PROVE MACAULAY CULKIN IS THE DEVIL (Or at least a very weird kid):

5. "Their dog's a ball-sniffer." (Uncle Buck)

4. "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!" (Home Alone)

3. "You can't marry a teacher, it's against the law." (My Girl)

2. "Bad worms." (Rocket Gibraltar)

1. "Waiting for your sex?" (Uncle Buck)

Dead Milkmen are reincarnated

Big news: The Dead Milkmen are back! At least for one gig.

The Philly punk pranksters are scheduled to play at the Fun Fun Fun Festival in Austin, Texas, on Nov. 8-9, according to antimusic.com.

The band retired in 1995. When the band's bassist, Dave Schulthise (aka "Dave Blood"), committed suicide in 2004, the remaining Milkmen returned for a few memorial shows. The Austin gig will be the first reunion since 2004. Sadly, there is no talk of an extending the get-together to a fuller tour.

The Milkmen are one of those hard-to-peg acts that either made you love or hate the 80s. Notoriously -- or perhaps just purposely -- a bunch of malcontents for the press to interview, the band members seemed to always be on the short end of the stick when it came to understanding their audiences or getting respect from their record companies. Even late into their career, rumors have it that they had to get part-time jobs to pay the bills.

But you can't debate the infectious fun and brilliant simplicity of the music. Or the inappropriate and sometimes downright offensive song titles. You just don't get that brand of mischief today.

TOP 5 WORST NAMES OF DEAD MILKMEN SONGS:

5. WATCHING SCOTTY DIE: "One day my dog went out to play. Instead of gray he came back colored yellow."

4. LIFE IS SH*T: "This is life as I know it."

3. SRI LANKA SEX HOTEL: "Let's have sex without birth control, sell our offspring to some dirty old men."

2. AIR CRASH MUSEUM: "Betty Lou will bring the sawdust. And I've got the formaldehyde."

1. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, SET THEM ON FIRE: "Life can really burn you up when you're a pyromaniac."

Catch SIT80s live on radio today

If you're in the Tampa Bay area, tune to WMNF 88.5-FM today from 4 to 6 p.m., when I'll be joining my good friend Flee during his weekly radio show, "Sonic Detour."

We'll be spinning tunes from the bands playing Saturday's Regeneration Tour stop in Clearwater at Ruth Eckerd Hall. And Flee will be giving away a pair of free tickets to the first person who can answer a fiendishly clever trivia question I've cooked up.

I also have a few other treats in the works, including clips from interviews with Martin Fry and Pete Byrne to play. Plus, expect a few songs you've probably never heard on the radio before: the acoustic version of "Always Something There to Remind Me" and the new ABC single "The Very First Time" off the just-released album "Traffic."

If you're outside Tampa Bay, no fear -- WMNF streams its show live on the Internet. Here's a link to download today's show. In the meantime, I'm happy to take requests on which songs to play today from ABC, The Romantics, Missing Persons, A Flock of Seagulls and Naked Eyes.

Val Kilmer and Ralph Nader? Great balls of fire

It's that time again. The political conventions are churning again. But this time, we have special Stuck in the 80s correspondent Chase Squires covering the DNC madness out in Denver.

"Check out this poster -- it's all over Denver as the Democratic National Convention gets underway," Chase wrote this weekend. "Check out the guest list at Ralph Nader's rally. Is that really Val Kilmer?"

"Iceman to Nader, 'You can be my wingman anytime.' "

"Nader of course replies, 'No, you can be MY wingman.' "

"Say, remember that scene where Iceman and Ralph Nader take off their shirts and play volleball? Classic."

But Kilmer's not the only '80s guy in town. Check out Jello Biafra and Sean Penn on the poster as well. ("What Jefferson was saying was, Hey! You know, we left this England place 'cause it was bogus; so if we don't get some cool rules ourselves - pronto - we'll just be bogus too!")

Check out Chase's ongoing commentary at his Dirty Thoughts blog.

'I'll be your knight in shining armor...'

Whatever your opinion of '80s music is, you can't deny that the year 1980 was filled with hit songs that were still soaked in the late '70s cheese dip of bad music.

And so it was with great expectations that Stuck in the 80s co-host Sean Daly and I tackled our newest podcast topic: The horrible hits of 1980.

Each song reached the Top 100 chart during the year (though some were released in 1979), and each song brings nothing by pain and anguish to our ears when we hear them today. Particularly, that Rolling Stones' disaster, "Emotional Rescue." (Mick! What were you thinking?) And don't even get me started on how bad the video is.

Click here to listen to the show. Or click here to get all our shows for free via iTunes. And by all means, drop us a comment to tell us we picked the right or wrong songs. Because in 1980, there's plenty of blame to go around.

Andy Taylor dishes the Duran Duran dirt

Here's some unexpected news: Former Duran Duran guitarist Andy Taylor is about to release a new tell-all memoir of his days with the band - from start to (presumed) finish.

Titled "Wild Boy: My Life in Duran Duran," the 300-page-plus tome is set for release on Sept. 9. by Grand Central Publishing. Taylor left Duran Duran shortly before the recording of the band's latest album, "Red Carpet Massacre."

I've only had the book in my hands for less than a day now, but flipping around, I can tell it's really something else. The prologue gets this off quickly, describing the nightmare of performing at Live Aid on July 13, 1985, in Philadelphia -- a performance that would be the last for the original lineup of the band until 2001:

"Just as everything seems to be coming together fine, I notice Simon's voice is getting a tad croaky. He looks great, but it's been a while since we were last onstage together, and one gig isn't enough to get the voice back in shape. I can tell he is straining to hit the high notes and there's still THAT note to come as the song reaches crescendo. ... 'With a view-yoo-ow to a kill!!' he screeches ... All bloody live."

It won't take long to get into the meat of this book, which ought to be on the holiday lists for a lot of serious Duran Duran fans this season.

The legend of John Hughes is renewed

Welcome to the 21st century, John Hughes! Our favorite movie maestro has re-emerged, this time writing a short piece for Zoetrope All-Story about the genesis of his screenplay for "National Lampoon's Vacation."

It's an amazing piece (click here to read it), full of more personal details about his life than have been released to date. Among the gems you'll discover:

• "Vacation" was originally called "Vacation '58" and was based on a family trip from Detroit to L.A.'s Disneyland. It was written by the point of the view of "Rusty," the male child of the family.
• Hughes wrote it while he has working full-time for a Chicago advertising agency. It was intended to run in the "National Lampoon" magazine, for which he was secretly a part-time editor.
• The entire story was written by Hughes when he was snowed-in at home in Chicago in 1979.
• His story didn't have the movie's happy ending.

"I wrote the first sentence -- 'If Dad hadn't shot Walt Disney in the leg, it would have been our best vacation ever!' -- and the rest was automatic," Hughes explains in his essay

Hughes' short piece is fascinating to read, a peak into the mind of someone we all can't stop admiring, and a reminder that he's lost none of his writing talent.

'80s fans don't cry (at least not on TV)

The Stuck in the 80s appearance on Penn & Teller's "Bull***t" show is now out there -- good luck finding it online -- and the stress level is returning to normal here in our glamorous headquarters building in downtown Shermer, Illinois.

Thankfully, I'm on screen for only about 90 seconds. And to clarify for the record: I'm 99.9 percent sure I'm not about to start crying when retelling my Spandau Ballet "True" story. Well, at least 90 percent sure. A good 75 percent anyway. Because anyone who knows me will testify that I NEVER cry about anything, right? RIGHT? (No fair queuing up the finale of "Field of Dreams!")

I'm still looking for a way to get the footage online. In the meantime, enjoy my new theme song for the week.

'I just want to smash your face in'

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: For reasons obvious to my friends and family, today's retro-review is 1989's "The War of the Roses," starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. The movie was directed by Danny DeVito, who also co-starred and played the narrator. The film landed three Golden Globe nominations.

THE PLOT: A true-love story between a law-school student "Oliver" (Douglas) and former gymnast-turned-caterer "Barbara" (Turner) leads to marriage, children, disappointment, hatred, revenge and the worst divorce ever recorded in modern Western civilization.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: This was the third movie to feature Douglas, Turner and DeVito (along with "Romancing the Stone" and "The Jewel of the Nile.")

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: When Douglas and DeVito appeared on the Arsenio Hall Show to promote the movie, Arsenio accidentally gave away the film's dramatic ending, much to his guests' horror. And though the segment wasn't live (and could have been edited to remove the reference), it aired nevertheless in its entirety.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "The movie treads a dangerous line. There are times when its ferocity threatens to break through the boundaries of comedy - to become so unremitting we find we cannot laugh." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times.

WHY WE LOVE IT ANYWAY: It's the ultimate battle of the sexes during the '80s and appropriately, there are no winners. Some brilliant idea-guy in Hollywood deserves a king's ransom for turning the tired romantic coupling of Douglas and Turner into a dark comedy worthy of praise for decades to follow. DeVito is the icing on the cake, spinning a yarn so horrifying for his client, that we ourselves squirm along with him with the unveiling of every new tragic detail.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM WAR OF THE ROSES:

5. "My father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge."

4. "There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!"

3. "Come on, put your shoes on, Barbara. I haven't been into feet since '82."

2. "When I watch you eat. When I see you asleep. When I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in."

1. "You really expect me to keep on reassuring you sexually even now when we disgust each other?"

Tonight, 80s fans hide in fear

When you're an '80s addict, there are several things you get used to dealing with: scorn from family, cruel jokes by friends (I'm looking your way, Mr. Daly), contempt from coworkers (my "dance party Friday" playlist is a little heavy on Oingo Boingo).

But you're never prepared for national humiliation. And so it goes that tonight at 10 p.m., I must face the music on the Showtime cable channel when "Penn & Teller's Bull***t" show lampoons those who love the past. Titled "The Good Ole Days," our magicians-turned-social critics will fire away at those who love renaissance festivals, the 1950s, and yes, the 1980s.

The show's production crew filmed me (and Sean Daly) on a cold Saturday back in January. We did a short podcast -- the call-in show about first concert experiences (which never was used because the sound quality was way off) -- and they staged a bunch of goofy shots of me at my desk, writing the blog. Then they filmed a half-dozen takes of me walking into an '80s party. Thoroughly engaging? Not quite.

I fully expect that the barbs they toss at me will hurt me the most -- but they might also sting some of you, who find a certain solace in remembering a time when life was simpler, the music was better and we still had our whole lives in front of us.

Don't expect me to take it sitting down. And by that, I mean, don't expect me to take it sober. I'll be on the blog live tonight during the show if anyone has the heart to offer any condolences.

Hit songs? (Probably just left off the "s")

Stuck in the 80s had a nice long run covering the one-hit wonders from each year in the '80s. Indeed, full-blown man-tears ran down our doughy, chipmunk cheeks when we put the final touches on that show of tunes from 1989. It just felt like the decade was over.

No longer, my friends. No longer.

Starting this week, Times pop music critic Sean Daly and I return to 1980 to begin a new series: The worst hits of the '80s. You think we won't have enough material? For every "Hungry Like The Wolf," there's a "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" lurking in the corner.

Here's a sneak preview of some songs that MIGHT make it on this week's show. Check out our nominees and let us know what rotten hits of 1980 we're forgetting. Remember, the songs should have been a "hit" in some regard. You can't just pick deep album cuts. (Sorry, Village People fans!)

Believe it or not, another remake

"The Greatest American Hero" is the latest '80s remake announced by Hollywood this summer. The short-lived TV series will be re-imagined as a big-screen movie (though hopefully they'll keep the same killer theme song by Joey Scarbury).

Moviehole.net says the search is on for big-name stars to play the roles of schoolteacher/superhero Ralph Hinkley, FBI agent Bill Maxwell and lawyer Pam Davidson.

(I'm thinking Corey Haim for "Ralph," Alan Ruck for "Agent Maxwell" and ... Annabeth Gish for law-babe Pam.)

The plot would remain the same. Aliens bestow superhero powers -- and "magic jammies" -- on an unassuming schoolteacher, who promptly loses the instruction book for his new outfit. Comic hilarity ensues. (Hey, it was the '80s, we didn't need people lost on islands or lawyers-turned-prophets to entertain us.)

Original stars William Katt, Robert Culp and Connie Selleca recently told MTV.com that they've been asked to appear in cameo roles in the movie as well.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM GREATEST AMERICAN HERO:

5. "You're about as religious as a Las Vegas nightclub owner."

4. "You go in there and you know what's going to happen? You're going to be sent away for so long, when you get out this suit's going to actually be in style."

3. "It's a bird. It's a plane. It's ... Ralph Hinkley."

2. "Pam Davidson, my attorney, this is Bill Maxwell. We're in the superhero business together. "

1. "I mean I could kill the guy that designed this suit. Why couldn't it have... narrow lapels and a cutaway jacket? Why'd it have to be long johns and a cape?"

More bitter music coming soon?

News flash: Phil Collins has been forbidden from remarrying ever again in a non-binding resolution passed down this week by Stuck in the 80s.

Collins is ditching Wife No. 3 (heretofore known as Gold Digger No. 3), but will have to pay out $46.68-million first. That's more than Paul McCartney had to pay Heather Mills.

The 57-years-old Genesis frontman and '80s solo artist was married to 35-year-old Orianne Cevey for just seven years, though they had two children together.

The UK's Daily Telegraph says divorce settlements have cost Collins up to one-third of his net worth. But look on the bright side: All of Collins' best solo work was influenced out of the complete rage he felt about his previous failed relationships. Time to come out of retirement, Phil, and get to work writing some REALLY bitter tunes.

Let's play ... Master and Servant

Forgive me for posting another video online, but I can't get this song out of my head. You see, Fetish Con 2008 was just here in Tampa Bay over the weekend, and if Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant" isn't that convention's theme song, it damn well should be.

The annual trade show for the whips-and-chains crowd attracts thousands of kinksters every year with seminars titled "Pain for Pleasure," "Polyanarchy: Power Exchange in a Multi-Partnered Relationship" and "Wax Play: Hot Fun For Everyone." There even was a B&D wedding!

And of course, we have all the photos online at tampabay.com to chronicle the weekend. Click here to view there. I'm fairly sure they're safe for work.

Final parting thought: Is "Master and Servant" the ultimate song for the fetish scene? What about "Slave to Love" by Bryan Ferry? "Violent Love" by Oingo Boingo? Or even "Erotica" by Madonna? What obvious songs are we forgetting?

Rock you like a ... well, you know

Welcome to hurricane season in Florida, where those of us who enjoy every Christmas in balmy 70-degree weather suddenly get a reversed dose of karma from June through November each year.

This weekend, all eyes are on Tropical Storm Fay, which is on a path to come through or near Tampa Bay by Tuesday night. Threatening to grow to hurricane strength any day now, Fay has us all running out to buy bottled water, plywood and beer, of course. Don't worry, the Spears Lair will survive just fine.

But every storm needs a soundtrack. Help us add songs to today's playlist...

'80s SONGS FOR HURRICANE SEASON:

• "Where Were You Hiding When The Storm Broke?" (The Alarm)
• "Rock You Like A Hurricane" (Scorpions)
• "The Storm" (Big Country)
• "Like A Hurricane" (Roxy Music)
• "Dose Of Thunder" (The Replacements)
• "Windpower" (Thomas Dolby)
• "Storm Front" (Billy Joel)

Podcast: Pete Byrne and Naked Eyes

Pete Byrne is one of the good guys from the '80s music scene. And because the universe has a sick sense of humor at times, bad things tend to happen to good people.

As the co-founder of Naked Eyes, Pete had a rough go of it during our golden decade. Despite the success of songs like "Always Something There To Remind Me" and "Promises, Promises," the band's record company didn't want them to tour.

"I think it hurt us a great deal," Pete told me this week. "I've been back on the road for three years. Everybody knows my songs, but there are still a lot of people who don't know the name. The marketing of Naked Eyes wasn't the best."

Alas, years stuck in the studio eventually drove Pete and his parter Rob Fisher apart in the late '80s. When they finally got back together in the late '90s to start work on a new Naked Eyes album, tragedy struck. Rob died during stomach surgery. It'd be another 5 or 6 years before Pete would try again.

But his persistence has paid off, and Naked Eyes is winning fans over again with Pete's passion for music, a long-overdue slew of live appearances across the U.S. and a new album coming in 2009. Naked Eyes is the opening act of the Regeneration Tour, stopping in Clearwater on Aug. 30 at Ruth Eckerd Hall.

He's also the special guest on this week's Stuck in the 80s podcast, which features a ticket giveaway for the Clearwater show. The podcast features a few Naked Eyes songs you may have never heard before -- elegant tunes such as "Emotion in Motion" and "Voices in my Head." I know you'll get a kick out of those, as well as Pete's story about hanging out with Paul McCartney the night he recorded the vocals for "Alway Something There To Remind Me."

Click here to listen to the show. Or click here to get all our shows for free via iTunes.

'Crockett, Tubbs ... in my office!'

Lately, I've been browsing through the archives of the Stuck in the 80s podcast collection, just curious to see how the show has changed over its three years.

This morning's big find: The incredibly entertaining -- and yet very informative -- episode about Miami Vice, featuring former St. Pete Times television critic Chase Squires. The podcast was released on April 27, 2006, just days before Chase left the Times to pursue a career running from mountain lions outside Denver.

It was only our 38th show, and Chase carries it. He's the ultimate "Vice" fan, and his passion for the show is what drove me to eventually invest in the complete DVD collection of the series. (And one of these days, if I can ever learn to stop spending every night worshiping "Fletch" and swilling amber beverages, I'll get around to watching them.)

In the meantime, click here to listen to our "Miami Vice" episode. And if you want to catch up on Chase's current exploits, check out his Dirty Thoughts blog. It's -- as I used to always say -- fantastiche!

'You're so close but still a world away'

Once upon a time, there was this really promising singer from Detroit. She had style, she had the pipes, and she had this killer song, which totally makes "Vision Quest" a classic more than 20 years later.

Today, "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" turns 50 years old! My birthday wish for her? That she was still stuck in the 80s too.

'Going out ... to the dirty boulevard'

Everyone remembers the first CD you bought, but anyone remember the second one? Mine was "New York," the 1989 album by Lou Reed.

I was a huge Velvet Underground fan for most of the '80s, and I came across "New York" almost by accident while looking for a copy of "White Light/White Heat" one day in a music store. (Yes, YES! A music store! Where we used to buy music long before the days of Amazon.com and iTunes.)

"Dirty Boulevard" would eventually reach No. 1 on the modern rock chart, but really the whole album is a most-own for any '80s fanatic. (Rolling Stone ranked it 19th on its list of best albums of the 80s, right behind "Dirty Mind" by Prince.)

Lou's been bouncing around my desk here for a few days now. Sony BMG just released a "Very Best of Lou Reed" CD (sadly with nothing from "New York" on it). And just today, word came out that his 1973 concert film "Berlin" is coming out on DVD this fall. Looks like my holiday wish list is filling up fast.

For those about to rock, they salute you

Has it been too long since you heard rocking bad-boy tunes like "Back in Black" or "Whole Lotta Rosie" live in concert? (That's a rhetorical question, Dilbert.)

Though AC/DC is busy working on a long-awaited album (and upcoming world tour), salvation is close at hand. Meet Highway to Hell, a Tampa-based tribute band of men who turned their obsession with the legendary rockers into a part-time career. (Click here to see a video.)

The band plays the Largo Cultural Center Saturday, Aug. 16, along with Black Sabbath tribute act Supertzar.

This is no garage-band act -- they've cut their teeth on gigs around Florida, including shows at Gasparilla and Daytona Beach Bike Week. Two band members even took the stage with real AC/DC singer Brian Johnson and bassist Cliff Williams during a small show in Sarasota last year.

Martyn Jenkins handles the lead vocals, a tough assignment because the real band has featured two legendary but distinct vocalists over its long career , the late Bon Scott and current singer (and Sarasota resident) Johnson.

So how did Jenkins, a Welsh native who works full-time in Tampa in the pharmaceuticals business, end up spending weekend nights screaming "You Shook Me All Night Long" at bay area audiences? I interviewed Jenkins for a story in the Times this weekend. Here are some highlights.

ON THE "TRIBUTE BAND" STIGMA: "A lot of time, people expect it to be a bit more like a Broadway musical. And they expect the people in the band to be session musicians and not necessarily fans of the band. Back in England, I was actually lucky to see Bon Scott about a week before he died on the Highway to Hell tour. And I saw the first one Brian Johnson did on the Back in Black tour too. So I go right back with them."

ON PLAYING WITH THE REAL BAND: "When I stood up against Brian last year and sang 'Highway to Hell,' it was an amazing experience. I was petrified! But the nice thing was people in the audience knew us, and it was a heartwarming experience. After the gig, Cliff came up and said it was fantastic."

WHY NOT PLAY IN A REGULAR BAND? "I think its like a cycle. I went through a regular band in Britain and didn't get anywhere. And then I realized that if you play Queen or AC/DC, crowds love you. It's more about the show and reliving memories."

CAN IT BE A FULL-TIME JOB: "We're all too old and have far too many responsibilities. We shouldn't really be doing it, but it's great fun at the end of the day."

-- Highway to Hell, with Black Sabbath tribute act Supertzar, 8 p.m. Saturday at Largo Cultural Center, 105 Central Park Drive, Largo. $15 advance, $18 day of show.

'I'm gonna live forever!'

With all the hoopla over remakes of "Red Dawn," "Meatballs" and "Electric Dreams," here's another Hollywood travesty that almost went unnoticed: An updated version of the 1980 flick "Fame" is currently in production.

Kevin Tancharoen has been picked the direct the movie. (Surely you haven't forgotten his brilliant work on 2004's "Britney Spears: Live from Miami.")

So far, the only cool thing about the remake is that the casting call -- mirroring that of the original film -- is looking mainly for fresh faces. Moviehole.net has a rundown of all the main characters. Most of them sound familiar to the original film, though the names are slightly different.

Still, do we really need ano