Turn THESE into sequels, Costner!

Score this idea an error: Kevin Costner is trying to talk Hollywood into making a sequel to our beloved Bull Durham.

No offense, Kevin, but I think the way the first movie ended was just about perfect. I don't want to know what happens next. Let's see. Nuke LaLoosh blows out his arm in the majors and comes back to Durham to fight for Annie's affections while working at the nearby Jiffy Lube. And Crash Davis ends up managing the Bulls and turns around their losing streak. Yawn. And pretty much exactly the same plot as Major League 3: Back to the Minors ... and we all know what a suck-fest that was.

You want to make a few sequels, Kev? Here are some suggested plots for "Part 2" of your other '80s classics. (And by the way, this is absolutely the last time I help you out for free.)

AMERICAN FLYERS (1985): Ah, yes, the forgotten cycling movie. Thankfully between 1985 and 2008, a miracle cure is found for your cerebral tumor. So you return to the sport and win the Tour de France title. Sadly, your wife Sarah (Rae Dawn Chong) leaves you for Lance Armstrong.

THE UNTOUCHABLES (1987): Elliot Ness should have quit while he was ahead. After putting Al Capone behind bars, the real Ness went on to a rather unremarkable career fighting hoods in Cleveland, moonshiners in Kentucky and prostitution in Washington, D.C. (Still it sounds more entertaining than the plot of The Bodyguard.)

NO WAY OUT (1987): You know who else is dying for a sequel of this underrated classic? Sean Young, baby! Turns out her Susan Atwell character didn't die after all. It was all a clever ruse by the Soviet spy machine. Now she's living in sin again with Costner, who is running an espionage school for gifted teenagers in rural Indiana. Sadly, he's exposed when a disgraced Gene Hackman shows up to coach the local high school basketball team.

FIELD OF DREAMS (1989): Now Ray Kinsella's wife Annie (Amy Madigan) is hearing voices -- "If you build it, he will skate." It seems she's haunted from being dumped by her junior high school boyfriend back in 1982. So she heeds her instincts and plows through another corn field to build a rollerskating rink, so she can have one more couple skate with him while REO Speedwagon's Keep on Loving You plays gently in the background. "Hey, sweetie bear ... wanna have a skate?" "I'd like that, Annie..." (Queue the sobbing from the '80s nation. Well, from me anyway.)

[Publicity photo from Orion Pictures]

Comments

[elen]

some basic mixing
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never stop

[Johnny B. Goode]

Bull Durham is my favorite movie. Not favorite '80s movie, my favorite movie, period. So Hollywood could only screw things up by making a sequel.

Silverado? Why don't you come to your senses? You've been out ridin' fences, for too long now...

[Miguel]

Off topic:

It`s about sequels but no Kevin Costner.I was taking a look at "Premiere" online and in their daily news they say Lethal Weapon 5 is on works and Lucas is working on a story for Indy 5. They don`t stop.

[Clark]

Bull Durham II

Nuke, the former 30-year-old rookie phenom is now a 50-year-old starting pitcher named to the all-star team for the first time. Nervous about screwing up in the national spotlight, he enlists the help of his ol' pal Crash, who has taken over for the dearly departed Max Patkin as the new Clown Prince Of Baseball. Fed up with barnstorming the minors doing vaudeville era gags like throwing dirt on himself, Crash jumps at the opportunity to make it back to The Show in any capacity whatsoever.
Annie still lives in Durham, serving as official slumpbuster (look it up) for the Bulls.
Hilarity ensues.

[CHAD]

as much as i love the work of costner, bull durham doesnt need a sequel. its a perfect movie. and steve, how could you not have seen silverado. rent it, and see the movie that brought costner to the "a" list. if there was any movie that you could literally see a star being born, then silverado is it. its that good. i'm not big on westerns myself, but when they are good, they are great.

[Steven]

The Big Chill 2

with zombie Costner

[John]

One word:

Fandango

[Crockett]

Spears never saw Silverado?
OMG. Like, totally '80s western!

I'm looking for a sequel to either the Postman or Waterworld. Make them both 3 hours long.

The postman would be good, maybe they can combine that with a sequel to Red Dawn, where they wear postal uniforms and berets with wolverines on them shooting down soviet HIND helicopters with a big number 8 on them.

[Spears]

So many really cheesy moments in American Flyer, but I do love the singing of the National Anthem when the girl takes her shirt off.

[Brad]

Two points.

1. Silverado is a great movie. It's got everything - including an awesome cameo by John Cleese as the sheriff of a western town: "Today my jurisdiction ends here"

2. American Flyers, I forgot all about that one - "The Hell Of The West" hahaha

[Michelle]

Even if you don't like Westerns, "Silverado" is just a plain ol' classic, doggone it.

I think "American Flyer" should have a sequel just for his mustache. (PS "American Flyer" was partially filmed outside Grand Junction, Colo., one of my previous haunts.)

[Jeff in Cuba]

Here's my take on a Silverado sequel:

Paden (Kevin Kline), the new sheriff in Silverado, enlists the help of his old friends Emmitt (Scott Glenn) and his brother Jake (Costner) to battle Colonel Marshall, the corrupt commander of a nearby Army post (Chris Cooper), who is in the pocket of a mining magnate (Daniel Day-Lewis) systematically polluting Silverado's water supply.

The brothers find an unlikely ally in the Colonel's daughter (Ellen Page), who becomes romantically entangled with Jake.

Paden's lecherous deputy Carl (Seth Rogan) and his mushroom-toting Native American friend Leaning Dog (Wilmer Valderama) provide comic relief.

[Bassnote]

Thanks for giving me a good laugh today. My sinuses are try to pound their way through my face, so I needed something to alleviate the pain.

[Spears]

I've never seen "Silverado." I really can't stand westerns at all. But feel free to add your own suggested plot to the sequel for that flick.

[Jeff in Cuba]

How could you leave off 1985's 'Silverado'?

I grow weary of bleak neo-westerns like 'Unforgiven' and '3:10 to Yuma'. I've got a hankerin' for some Cinemascope vistas and simple white-hat/black-hat storylines.

I also enjoy using the word "hankerin'".