How Valley Girl's Deborah Foreman saved my life

Going through a breakup is never easy. They're not built to be easy. About 99 percent of the time -- at least for one of the participants -- they are the cosmic equivalent of being hit by a speeding bus right in the heart 100 times an hour for weeks on end.

I should know because it happened to me nine days ago -- or approximately 21,600 hit-and-runs to my heart ago -- when a year-long relationship came to an abrupt and unexpected end. My sincere thanks to the countless e-mails and messages we've gotten here at Stuck in the '80s offering sympathy and similar stories of angst.

But I had some additional help that I want to share with everyone in the '80s nation who is dealing with heartbreak or sad memories. Last Tuesday, I e-mailed Deborah Foreman, the truly dazzling actress from '80s flicks like Valley Girl, My Chauffeur, Real Genius and April Fool's Day. I wrote briefly of my sad tale and asked if she'd talk about her legendary breakup scene from Valley Girl for our podcast. It's a request I'd wanted to make for years, but last week it just felt like it was time to ask.

In all fairness, I send interview requests all the time to '80s icons, but usually I only hear back if a band or actor has a project or show to promote. But an hour later, my phone rang and I heard the most wonderful words: "Hi Steve, this is Debby Foreman."

We had the most incredible conversation, going from the topic of my breakup to her role in Valley Girl to her current passion, teaching yoga and pilates in Southern California. She was happy to let me record our interview, and you can click here to listen to the full conversation. (It's part of a larger podcast we did about breaking up in the '80s. Click here to listen to the podcast).

Here are some edited highlights from our conversation.

Steve: I can't believe I'm talking to you!

Debby: "Because you wrote me! And also because I shared the e-mail with mom. While I was reading it to my mom, she was giggling through the whole thing, and I thought, okay, there's something to this."

Was it pity?

"It must have been!"

So tell me there's a bright side to this breakup I'm going through.

"I think that the beautiful thing about that is that you reached out, you stuck your neck out doing something you probably would have never done otherwise. And I think that's probably going to continue to happen in the next six months. So don't be surprised if you start doing things that you wouldn't naturally do. That's the blessing that's going to come out of this. I know it's hard to see that right now, because it's really fresh."

So time really heals all wounds?

"You're going to go through all the emotions to get to that place of finally going 'Okay, I actually do have fond memories and fond feelings for this person and I wish them well.' I doubt that's what you're feeling right now!"

I'm still very fond of her. Okay, gotta change the subject to Valley Girl. What was your first impression of co-star Nicolas Cage?

"I loved his eyes. I thought he had great energy. I thought he was scary to me. Emotionally, I was feeling stuff inside. He was triggering stuff in me that I had never experienced in my life. I didn't even have a boyfriend prior to that movie."

So was there a real off-screen romance between you two?

"I'll only speak for myself. I had strong feelings for Nic. When the film ended, we had a conversation. I actually went up to San Francisco with him for a weekend. When we came back, an ultimatum was made -- let's just put it that way. And I decided not to go with the ultimatum, and we were never together after that."

Is that why the breakup scene in Valley Girl between you and Nic seems so realistic?

"I think deep down, I didn't want to be breaking up with him! And I didn't even want to go there, to pre-destine myself. I was really resisting the whole experience. It was uncomfortable beyond means. That was the longest we spent on any scene. It was a struggle. Even when I watch it now, I go 'Wow, that's so uncomfortable.' "

I guess I really relate to that scene now, having gone through something so similarly unexpected just days ago.

"There's a big difference between what happened to you and what happens in a movie. From my heart, I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you. But on the other hand, congratulations! You're going to do some things that you've never done in your life! I know you can't wrap your brain around it ... but in the end, something huge is going to happen to you."

You seem so sure of that.

"You are surrounded by people you dig ... and you get to do this on a daily basis. You get to do fun stuff on a daily basis! That is so cool! And you get paid for it! How many people can say that? I can probably say that now. I could probably say that in the '80s. But not in between! It took me a long time to find my environment!"

Okay, you officially cheered me up.

"Good! Good! And continue to pay it forward. And you know what? You never know what the future holds, so stay open."

[Deborah Foreman teaches yoga and pilates now in Studio City, Calif., at the Grace Anatomy Studio and from her home studio. You can actually check her schedule and book an appointment with her online -- something I hope to be doing before this summer is over.]

Comments

[Peacecat30]

I finally had a chance to listen to the break up podcast. Fantastic episode. You guys handled a tough subject, one we've all been through (except apparently Daly), with much grace and sincerity. Your interview with Debbie was delightful and uplifting. Thanks for a great show.

[Dave, aka Maestro]

I sent her an email just to thank her for her kindness toward our pal Steve. She showed herself to be a total class act and a genuine sweet person. We're all here for you, Steve. Mexican food sometime soon, buddy?
dave

[DC]

Dude, EPIC podcast! I'm amazed how much you let us into your life, Steve. Sean has forever endeared himself as the perfect friend to have. And to have Debra Foreman call you?! Almost poetic! It was a perfect eighties ending. So sorry to hear about the break-up, Steve but this podcast was truly epic.

[TD]

Finally listened to the "breakup" podcast. Afterward, I pictured hundreds of guys breaking up with their girlfriends in hope of getting a call from Deborah Foreman. Getting a pep talk from her following a breakup should be a sign that things will get better.

[Wistful Writer]

Hey, I really loved this episode. I'm a hopeless (I like to call it hopeful) romantic and I must say that I appreciate Steve's openness of the whole ordeal. I don't know anywhere else I can see this kind of emotional intimacy and sincerity. Time heals all wounds! Thanks for the inspiration for one of my blog posts!

[Spears]

I think Cathy grabbed some Duran Duran ones and maybe an ABC one.

I'll have that PSB DVD for ya, Michelle. I just need to find it again.

[Michelle]

Excellent podcast on everyone's part.

Her words of wisdom are universal, and you can tell she has such a kind soul.

I'll take you up on that one trade offer for the mini-posters if it'll make things easier for you.

(PS What mini-poster sticker did Cathy pick?)

[GAGirl]

I listened to this show on my vacation. She was so wonderful to call you and seemed so genuinly nice.

I was stunned to hear about your breakup. I hate those sneak attack break-ups. AKA Kamikaze Breakups. Long distance relationships always are the most breakable. However I married my long distance relationship and we have been together 20 years / married 17. However, if one of us other gives the other the boot I coming to snap you up Spears.

[Gary in Gilroy]

Just listened to the show, and I was very surprised. Very touching. Your sign-off hoping x-VGF is still stuck in the 80s got me even a little choked up. Nicely done. Hope you the best.

http://www.entertonement.com/clips/qspzqhphrh--Singing-NurseFerris-Bueller's-Day-Off-Stephanie-Blake-Singing-Nurse-

[Spears]

Debby was unbelievable. I got the sweetest note from her last night. Hopefully she'll give me person to run it on the blog.

[Blaine]

Just wanted to chime in and say sorry to hear about the breakup, Spearsy. I know it blows now, but this will pass. Hang in there, my man.

I have had a bit of a rough year myself, albeit not on the romantic front. And I must say you, and Daly, have always come through for me when I'm down. A podcast or new blog post is just the trick for those of us firmly entrenched in the 1980s. So thanks a bunch. And I know I'm certainly not the only one who feels this way.

Great interview. Debby Foreman sounds like an awesome person!

[don in tulsa]

it really depends on the person as to how long it takes to get over someone. my first wife and i were only actually "together" about 7 months or so (i was in the Army and the 1st Gulf War) when we seperated although from start to finish it was almost 3 years before the divorce was finalized. it honestly took me several years to get over it but then again there was some other stuff done to me by her. i was funtional and all but not that happy.

anyway, i always thought that the breakup scene between cage and foreman seemed very real. you could tell that she didn't really want to be breaking up (een though it's just a movie) and now we know why the acting was so good. it came from real life. awesome interview.

[Brad]

"Girl's got to have her standards."

[Spears]

We talked a little about the other movies after the official interview ended. I love that line from Real Genius. I got a little carried away with the Valley Girl questions though, I realize.

[~Rupe]

Forgot to ask her about her killer line to Val Kilmer in "Real Genius" -- it involves a board & a six-inch spike & a body part.

[Roy, UK]

80s music was designed for break ups. No other decade has such introverted and brooding tunes. Try listening to 'Hats' by The Blue Nile- it's both heartbreaking and optimistic at the same time, very gentle too.

[Douglas Arthur]

let me say that was after 8 years of marriage. Not to discount your relationship with VEGF, but you were together a shorter amount of time, so I'm sure your mourning will be less and you should "heal" more quickly.

[Spears]

If there's a "burning sled" in Valley Girl, it's the clown doll that Debby Foreman holds while sleeping.

I seriously woke up at 5am this morning thinking about the clown. Lovely thing when depression mixes with insomnia.

[Douglas Arthur]

it's still too soon for you to feel better, yet, Steve, but it will get better. It took me a year after my divorce to be able to move on, but I did, and now approaching 10 years of marriage to wife #2, so it can work.

Tonianne, The reason I wasn't watching Valley Girl, "our generation's Citizen Kane" was because I was actually watching Citizen Kane. So tell me, is Nic Cage really a burning sled?

[Marissa]

This marks the third time I've cried while listening to the podcast. The first was the baseball one where Steve shared why "Field of Dreams" holds such a special place for him.
Ms. Foreman seemed truly concerned and genuine. I can only echo the sentiments of those who've already chimed in here today and the words of our favorite Valley Girl.
While having such a public relationship is difficult, you get the benefit of a big '80s group hug and support group.

[Chess]

What a wonderful person Deborah was for calling! (Thanks Deborah and Deborah's Mom!)

Sorry for the breakup. There is no greater pain then the pain of the heart.

[VineyardWoman]

Great interview, Spearsy! I'm a big fan of Valley Girl, and it's nice to know that Debby is exactly how I would have imagined her in real life.

Sooooo sorry to hear about your breakup! Those are never fun...

Now, if you go to a yoga/pilates class with Debby, PLEASE take pictures and share with the SIT80s nation...we can always use a good laugh. :-)

[Just don't do it]

Whatever you do, just DON'T look at Nic Cage's hair! That's a BIG NO NO!

[DerekT]

She was a great interview and still looks hot (I checked out her website). She seems so sweet and honest and I am glad the talk with her made you feel better.

[Swordy in Australia]

I think this podcast is one of the best. When you melt everything together, Spearsy has talked about the movie and Debbie many times before. Now the break up, then she actually answers the email request, then she is a great interview and by the sound of it a great down to earth person to boot. I think they call it Serendipity!

[Brad]

I was listening to this on the way home last Friday, and when Deborah Foreman came on a warm light bathed the interior of my car and made me feel happy! Okay, that might have been the bourbon kicking in.

Seriously though, what a great interview. She was so engaging and warm, and so completely sincere. Forget Phoebe Cates, Deborah is my new 80s "it" girl!

Hang in there Spearsy - look on the bright side - bacon is back on the menu!

[Bassnote]

I have to get my hands on a copy O "Valley Girl." I haven't seen this movie in ages. Ms. Foreman was a fantastic interview, and I'm glad she made you feel better, Steve.

[Em]

I am so behind with what's been going on. I just had a baby! I am sorry about your breakup Spearsy. Sending healing thoughts from Australia!

[Em]

I am so behind with what's been going on. I just had a baby! I am sorry about your breakup Spearsy. Sending healing thoughts from Australia!

[Tonianne]

Steve Foreman. Has a nice ring to it. You could *totally* market a product with a catchy name like that.

Think about it. Have I ever steered you wrong?

But on a more pressing note ... the General's not yet seen Valley Girl?

Um. Like. The Horror!

Dude, it's our generation's Citizen Kane...

[chase]

I sent her a note to say thanks for that truly incredible pep talk, she really does care abour her fans and about other people. She is 100 percent class. Bravo, Ms. Foreman, and Steve, we're pulling for you.

[MinA]

Great podcast. Deborah Foreman was my first crush. Hang in there brother.

All the love,

Mike in Austin

[Spears]

It doesn't feel that way yet, Douglas, but I hope you're right.

[Dr. Incognito]

That is awesome. I want your job!

[Douglas Arthur]

Have to admit that was this biggest shock/surprise yet in SIT80's history. She seemed very genuine and nice. Even though I never saw Valley Girl, believe it or not, she has a new fan in me. I can only imagine what it was like to hear that voice on the other end of the line! I did have something similar happen to me, that I'll share another time, this is certainly your moment! It'll get better old chum. We've all been through break ups before and somehow we all survive the pain.

[John Hays]

Haha Steve Spears doing yoga! First veggie Spears, now yoga Spears! This is great! :)