Octopussy, Leonard Part 6, Big Top Pee Wee: Dumbest movie names of the '80s
Excuse the rant, but ... Yes, The Karate Kid was a goofball, I-give-up name for a movie in the '80s that actually turned out to be pretty iconic. But it just steams my bologna boat to see that the new remake of Karate Kid will be called ...
The Kung Fu Kid. (Pfffffft!)
The Jackie Chan (instead of Pat Morita) and Jaden "I'm Will's kid" Smith ('stead of Ralph Macchio) movie will also be set in China. No problems there. But I'm telling you right now: If there's no Cobra Kai dogo in the remake, and no "Sweep the leg" taunting, I'm going to go all wax-on, wax-off on Hollywood.
Still, studio heads have a well-deserved rep for botching movie titles. Especially in the '80s. I need your help with this list, per usual, so let's get started: Name the worst or dumbest movie titles of the '80s. (No, you can't do porn names. Well, you can, but just e-mail those to me separately.)
Here are five that come to mind immediately:
OCTOPUSSY (1983): I still can't say the name of this underrated James Bond flick with a straight face. My guess: Some movie exec won major coin by winning a bet that a movie could be greenlit and released under this titillating title. (The title -- like most Bond titles -- came from a comes from the collection of short stories by Ian Fleming called, yep, Octopussy and The Living Daylights.)
BIG TOP PEE WEE (1988): What was worse: The movie itself or its title? The irony: The movie title is funnier since Paul Reubens was arrested for exposing himself in an adult theater in nearby Sarasota, Fla., giving new meaning to the circus phrase "pitching a tent."
HEARTBEEPS (1981): I only include this because in a fit of what must only be described as complete dymensia, I actually TiVo'd this Andy Kaufman nightmare last week. When I awoke from a Funyun and Wild Turkey coma, it was immediately erased.
LEONARD PART 6 (1987): Have fun with your non-'80s friends and put Leonard Parts 1 through 5 on your wish list next Christmas.
FRANKENWEENIE (1984): A short film by Tim Burton, who is possibly the only director on the planet who could talk actors like Shelley Duvall and Daniel Stern into appearing in a movie with this title.
Okay, fire away. What other movie titles need to be on the list of worst movie names of the '80s?
Relive the music, movies and culture of the greatest decade ever with Times online editor Steve Spears. A teen during the decade, Steve is obsessed with everything from Duran Duran to Journey, John Hughes to John Cusack, and parachute pants to Reaganomics.
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Under the Cherry Moon
Jumpin' Jack Flash
The Flamingo Kid
Posted by: TD | July 20, 2009 at 10:52 PM
One of my favorite campy movies from the days when Bill Maher was funny:
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
Posted by: Ron | July 20, 2009 at 10:46 AM
The Goonies is a pretty crazy name...but a great film!!
Posted by: Spell Girl | July 19, 2009 at 07:53 PM
Ishtar.
Posted by: glenn | July 19, 2009 at 05:15 PM
How about"Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or Thunderball, Which had nothing to do with thunder or a ball.
Posted by: jim k | July 19, 2009 at 10:10 AM
Frankenhooker...no its not an adult film. But a schlockfest horror spoof. Funny and low budget.
Posted by: Jeff | July 19, 2009 at 12:06 AM
"Bull Durham" as a title that even hints at what the movie might really be about makes about as much sense as if "Field Of Dreams" had been called "White Sox Chicago".
Posted by: Wiggity Wax | July 18, 2009 at 04:22 AM
Forgot to add Ice Pirates. Truly awful name for a truly awful 1984 movie.
Posted by: GAGirl | July 17, 2009 at 11:23 PM
No trashin' on - real movie name -
The Brave Little Toaster (or the Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars or The Brave Little Toaster To the Rescue). The toaster rocked! He was cute and it was my son's first favorite video.
Posted by: GAGirl | July 17, 2009 at 11:22 PM
Tango & Cash
Posted by: Mike | July 17, 2009 at 10:57 PM
Dang it, Brad, you beat me to it!!
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
Posted by: Dave, aka Maestro | July 17, 2009 at 09:26 PM
Krush Groove -- for not spelling crush properly.
Posted by: Marissa | July 17, 2009 at 08:47 PM
how about "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension?"
and i think "Tapeheads" is a fine name and an even finer film. "Bull Durham" is just a play on the team in the films name, the durham bulls. makes sense to me.
Posted by: don in tulsa | July 17, 2009 at 07:56 PM
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover
Posted by: olde40oz | July 17, 2009 at 06:55 PM
dementia...
Posted by: huh | July 17, 2009 at 06:53 PM
I am here for one reason and one reason only:
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
Posted by: Brad | July 17, 2009 at 05:20 PM
"Mystic Pizza" sounds like it needs to be a double feature with "Up in Smoke."
Posted by: Michelle | July 17, 2009 at 05:05 PM
I liked Surf Nazis Must Die.
Wasn't that a Troma film? The same fine people who made Toxic Avenger..
Posted by: Stooge | July 17, 2009 at 04:37 PM
Rawhead Rex
The Peanut Butter Solution
Garbage Pail Kids
The Little Brave Toaster
Hugga Bunch
Gleaming the Cube
My Neighbor Tortoro
Krull
The Dirt Bike Kid
Dolls
The Stuff
Posted by: M | July 17, 2009 at 04:09 PM
Tuff Turf! Wow. I feel bad for not already thinking of that.
Posted by: Spears | July 17, 2009 at 03:03 PM
Mystic Pizza wasn't a bad name, I thought it was a pretty good name .. the Mystic part refers to the city where it was set, Mystic, Conn. ...
Posted by: chase | July 17, 2009 at 03:00 PM
"Tuff Turf," even if it does have James Spader in it.
Posted by: Michelle | July 17, 2009 at 02:49 PM
- Howard the Duck
- Hot Dog The Movie
- Surf Nazis Must Die
That is what I have so far.....
Posted by: Melissa | July 17, 2009 at 02:47 PM
The Nude Bomb...
Oh God Please Make It Stop...
Posted by: Stooge | July 17, 2009 at 02:35 PM
Two words: SHANGHAI. SURPRISE.
'Nuff said.
Posted by: Alyfox/Dan Vhay | July 17, 2009 at 02:04 PM
Aw geez! How dumb am I? I thought you were talking about 'Pee Wee's Big Adventure'. Geez! Pay attention, Dim. So, Spearsy, you are probably right on your call on the 'Big Top', I've never seen it.
My apologies.
Posted by: Dr. Dim | July 17, 2009 at 12:59 PM
Hamburger-The Motion Picture
Dumb title...dumber movie.
Posted by: Stooge | July 17, 2009 at 12:31 PM
Teen WolF Too, I mean.
Posted by: Clark | July 17, 2009 at 12:24 PM
Lazy titles: Baby Boom, Firestarter, Teen Wolf (and Teen Wold Too), Splash, Witness
Nonsensical titles: Krush Groove, Romancing The Stone, Running Scared, Bull Durham
Posted by: Clark | July 17, 2009 at 12:24 PM
"Gleaming the Cube," "Mystic Pizza," "Tapeheads" and "C.H.U.D."
Posted by: Michelle | July 17, 2009 at 11:35 AM
"Eating Raoul" is a great pick.
And to clarify -- the movie itself can be good. Just the title has to be awful.
Posted by: Spears | July 17, 2009 at 11:15 AM
"Eating Raoul" is a bad name. Good movie, though.
Posted by: Michelle | July 17, 2009 at 11:10 AM
I liked Big Adventure and Playhouse, but not Big Top. Awful. Hideous. Evil.
Posted by: Spears | July 17, 2009 at 10:49 AM
I'll have to give this some thought before I can come up with something, but I just had to say... Spearsy! You didn't like 'Big Top Pee Wee'?! Wow, I thought it was pretty entertaining. I especially liked the Twisted Sister cameo and the in film movie version of Pee Wee's adventure.
You probably didn't like Pee Wee's Playhouse either, did you? That show gave me a reason to get up early on Saturday mornings after I had long outgrown the kiddie cartoons.
Oh, well. To each their own.
Posted by: Dr. Dim | July 17, 2009 at 10:41 AM