One night, two concerts: REO Speedwagon vs. Jimmy Buffett

Seems like only yesterday you pulled on those navy blue corduroy pants, slipped that thick-toothed comb into the back pocket and scrounged around in the hamper until you found that glorious REO Speedwagon concert jersey. You know the one. Black sleeves, winged logo and that classic "81" on the back to signify that epic Hi Infidelity tour.

This coming week is an odd one here in Tampa Bay. No less than eight concerts are rolling through town. And on the night of April 25, fans will have to choose between REO Speedwagon (with Night Ranger as the opening act) and ... Jimmy Buffett?!?

Let me be as clear as I can here. REO is everything that's right about rock 'n' roll, while a Jimmy Buffett concert ... well, it's everything that's wrong about a really bad family reunion.

Oh look, there's crazy Uncle Larry wearing a fake parrot on his sunburned head, chugging frozen margaritas while sliding around in a pool of his own vomit. Wait, it could be the vomit of Aunt Shirley next to him. Yeah, the passed-out lass with the grass skirt who was drinking tequila out of a shoe two minutes ago. Hopefully they'll still have money to pay the babysitter back home after making bail later that night.

Times film critic Steve Persall is defending Buffett over REO at his Reeling in the Beers blog, renamed in honor of the concert he's attending that no one will remember being at the next morning. In the meantime ...

TOP 5 REASONS REO RULES OVER BUFFETT:

5. BUFFETT HAS GROWN BORING: I'll always have a soft spot for many of Jimmy's tunes, but I'm long past worrying about cutting my heel on a pop-top and that damn missing shaker of salt. Plus, and I don't mean to sound trivial, Buffett's just a little "kountry" for me.

4. BUFFETT'S A CLOWN, NOT A CROONER: Buffett sorta slinks onstage, strums a little on a guitar, makes up new lyrics when the wind changes direction, grins and makes fin gestures. The crowd eats it up. Why? Well, the booze helps. A lot.

3. REO HAS THE ANTHEMS: Tough Guys, Roll With the Changes. And then the gold standard in power ballads, Keep on Loving You. Don't forget that with Night Ranger opening the show, you can add Sister Christian, Rock in America and Don't Tell Me You Love Me to the mix. You won't sit down the whole night. And unlike the Buffett concert, it won't be because someone urinated on your seat.

2. THE PERSON STANDING NEXT TO YOU: At the REO concert, it could be Janette, that girl you dated as a sophomore. Hey, she's still looking great, with that smoking-hot red hair. And you're both divorced now? Oh, this is gonna be great. Meanwhile, over at the Buffett concert, 20,000 people dressed in Hawaiian muumuus are brawling over the last lukewarm can of refreshment from the Zima vendor.

1. KARMA: REO Speedwagon doesn't have a world-renowned restaurant in its name. Some would say the same about Jimmy Buffett. Oh, Margaritaville serves up a mighty fine Catfish Reuben and the conch fritters aren't too bad. But is that all you want from your music hero? Me, all I want is the spine-tingling feeling of hearing that siren crank up for the start of Riding the Storm Out.

Sorry, Jimmy. Next time I have a beer buzz and the stomach rumblings, you're the man. Otherwise, I need REO Speedwagon to feed me.

-- REO Speedwagon with Night Ranger. Saturday, April 25 at 7:30 p.m. Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater. $85.00, $49.75. (727) 791-7400. [Listen to our Kevin Cronin interview here.]

[Publicity, Times file photos]

U2's best album? Totally 'Unforgettable'

U2 has produced a ton of great work in its 33-year career. Songs we know by heart. Songs that raise the blood pressure to levels requiring yet another trip to the doctor's office. And when we see a video of Bono marching out on stage with that white flag during Sunday Bloody Sunday on the Under A Blood Red Sky video, we still get the chills.

But which album from U2 reigns supreme? (It's certainly not No Line On The Horizon, the latest offering, which hits store shelves today.) Stuck in the '80s co-host Sean Daly and I debate this question daily -- usually between bites of delicious burritos at lunch. And for all his spraying of refried beans and salsa verde, Daly has yet to get the answer right.

Quite simply, it's 1984's Unforgettable Fire, an aptly titled LP so brilliant that it had to be recorded in an Irish castle. I still have my concert shirt from their Tampa show on that tour. After a thousand or so washings, the bandmembers' faces now look like the statues on Easter Island -- and it fits me like a glove (a surgical glove) -- but I refuse to part with the decomposing shirt, the memories of that show or my feelings toward this incredible album.

Go read his case for Achtung Baby here, but bring a napkin, because his defense of that '90s schlock is messier than dollar taco day at our favorite Mexican cafe.

THREE REASONS 'UNFORGETTABLE FIRE' IS BEST:

1. THE TRIBUTES ROCK: Everyone remembers the band pouring out its admirations to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in Pride (In the Name of Love) and MLK. But don't dismiss Bono's love letter to the other king in Elvis Presley and America, the lyrics of which were improvised in one take at the encouraging of producer Brian Eno.

2. IT NEARLY MADE ME A JUVENILE DELINQUENT: Oct. 1, 1984, is Unforgettable too, because I — and many more from the senior class at Countryside High that year — blew off school to stand in line to buy the record on its release date. Detentions awaited most of us the next day, but nobody had any regrets.

3. IT'S EVEN BETTER LIVE: On the momentum of the album, U2 took the stage for 1985’s Live Aid show in London. After an epic and dreamy 12-minute performance of Bad, U2's legacy -- and that of Unforgettable Fire -- was firmly secure: Simply the best.

(Pausing now while you rush to download the album again. Then please drop a comment declaring the winner.)

Blog battle: Sexiest songs of the '80s

Oh I want to the truth to be known ... There are few things in life so simple, pure and moving as the perfect playlist of sexy songs. So with Valentine's Day nearly here, we unveil the Stuck in the '80s Official Top 15 List of Sexiest Songs of the '80s.

Sadly, there are those out there who would try to find fault with the love songs of the '80s, opting to pine away for the best-forgotten dirges of the past, salty classics better left to wax cylinders. Old Blue Eyes knew how to sing about tramps and the Windy City, but he didn't know squat about being in love in the '80s.

Let's see Sinatra squeeze himself into parachute pants, don an REO Speedwagon jersey and ask lovely red-headed Jeanette Brown to couple skate. She'd dump an Orange Julius on his head and skate over to that shy, tall guy with the Journey T and sexy mustache.

So feel free to check out Sean Daly's companion piece on Sexiest Songs of All-Time, maybe even throw him a chuckle or two when he tries to make a case some lame Kings of Leon song having more soul than Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes. Sorry, Sean, but Lloyd Dobler knows that his signature tune has more pure red corpuscles flowing through the first three notes than your whole list put together. Sometimes, love hurts, Sean. For you, this is one of those times.

Sexiest songs of the 80s

At 50, Sade's still a Smooth Operator

Silky singer Sade Adu turns 50 years old today, and wouldn't you know it ... the perfect reader mail arrived this week to help commemorate the day. Take it away, Dr. Dim...

"Hey, Sean and Steve. I have an idea for a blog battle for you guys. It was an old debate two of my 80's drinking buddies and I would get into on occasion. Who is the sexier package: Whitney Houston or Sade Adu?

"Both hit the scene at roughly the same time. Whitney in 1985 and Sade in 1984. Both are black female singers. Both had a few hits (Whitney may have had more). Both eventually had issues with chemical or alcohol abuse. Only one took part in LiveAid and only one is truly sexy."

"For me, it's Sade. Hands down. No contest. But my buddies disagreed. They preferred loud, brash, flashy Whitney. I don't know how they could prefer her to the soulful, smoldering, worldly, exotic beauty of Sade."

"Sade may not have the vocal range of Whitney, but she has everything else. She has a great voice and an intelligence to her songs -- which she writes! And I always loved it when her thickly applied lipstick smeared her teeth. I would just imagine that lipstick getting ... elsewhere. Sorry, I digress."

"What has Whitney got? She was cute in those days. Young and energetic. And she could do an excellent impression of an air raid siren. Just listen to that crap cover of Dolly Parton's I Will Always
Love You. I hate that song. It's a '90s song anyway."

"I'm not sure you guys would be interested in the debate idea, but I can figure out which side you'd come down on. Sean seems like a Whitney guy (although neither Whitney nor Sade could be considered chunky but funky) and Steve would probably go for Sade."

"Anyway, the answer is Sade. Everything about her screams sexy! Whitney just screams. What do you think? Yours stuck in the 80's, Dr. Dim"

Well, Doc, no need to debate it now. You did it just fine. Everyone else agree with his conclusion?

Happy 50th birthday, Sade!

Blog battle: All hail Brian Johnson

AC/DC is finally getting around to playing Tampa Bay on their Black Ice tour this weekend. So Stuck in the '80s co-host and Dixie Chicks fan club treasurer Sean Daly and I decided we were long overdue for a mud-slinging blog battle.

Today's topic: Who is/was the ultimate AC/DC frontman: the late Bon Scott or the still-kicking and screaming Brian Johnson. Do you even have to ask which side I took?

TOP 5 REASONS BRIAN JOHNSON TAKES THE CROWN:

5.  HE'S STILL ALIVE: At 61, Brian Johnson dons his signature flat cap, slips on a muscle T-shirt and then sings every night for two hours with a voice that sounds like he just downed eight shot glasses filled with white-hot charcoal. Classics that Bon Scott first recorded -- Highway to Hell, Dirty Deeds, TNT -- have grown legendary with Brian at the helm. Especially when the inflatable hooker takes over the stage for Whole Lotta Rosie. (Forty-two, thirty-nine, fifty-six ... you could say she's got it all!)

4. THE PAGEANTRY: In these days of over-choreographed, Auto-Tuned pop nonsense (aka - whatever is on Daly's top 10 albums of 2008 list), don't you yearn for the grandiose symbols of full-tilt, booze-infused rock-and-roll thunder? Just wait for that magical moment Sunday when Brian lifts Angus Young onto his shoulders for a jog around the arena. Brian Johnson and AC/DC are THE REASONS people flick their Bics during rock shows.

3. THE ATTITUDE: Bon Scott was a whiskey-drinking, bare-chested party god -- on and off stage -- and he knew it. And we all love him for that -- even though it eventually killed him. But Johnson remains humble. During an interview we did a couple years ago for the Stuck in the 80s podcast, every kind word said about him was greeted with an enthusiastic "Aww, Steve, me boy!" And when AC/DC was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2003, Johnson kept it short and simple, quoting Bon Scott's Let There Be Rock, giving a nod to the legend who held the mike before him.

2. HE'S ONE OF US: Johnson is now a Florida resident, making a home in Sarasota. (Bassist Cliff Williams also lives in southwest Florida.) Hang out at a local pub any given night and you might get to pound a beer or two with the spritely frontman, who has also been known to take the stage and belt out a tune or two when the spirit(s) hit him.

1. BACK IN BLACK: A closing argument? Those three simple words: Back in Black. Johnson joined the band in 1980 and immediately was assigned the gargantuan task of penning lyrics for the album. He sat down in a dingy hotel room on the beach, watching an approaching storm batter the coast and wrote down these words: I'm a rolling thunder, pouring rain. I'm comin' on like a hurricane. Yep, Hells Bells. The entire album remains a masterpiece, from the title track all the way down to Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution. Case closed.

Click here to read Daly's argument, and to see whatever Family Circus crisis has struck the Daly mansion today. But then come back, lighter held high, and demand another thunderous encore from Mr. Brian Johnson.

[AP photo]

Blog battle: Janet Jackson vs. Beyonce

Days like this are miserable. Times pop music fraudster Sean Daly will drag me to lunch so he can run out to buy Beyonce's new disc, which I'll then rightfully refuse to play on my car's CD player.

Then he'll wax poetically in the newspaper about how he's ALWAYS loved her and how PERFECT her music is, when in reality he hasn't mentioned her name in the three years I've known him.

Sorry, Sean, but when it comes to the ultimate female entertainer, I'm going with Ms. Janet Jackson -- and not someone whose name sounds like a brand of fabric softener sheets.

Go here to read his misguided attempt to justify his career. And then enjoy a heaping dose of the Rhythm Nation here.

THREE REASONS J. JACKSON SCHOOLS BEYONCE:

1. LESS CLOTHES = GOOD THING: That wasn't a wardrobe malfunction for Janet during the Super Bowl a few years back -- it was a wardrobe revelation! Janet is a kinky little minx, and we celebrate that. Beyonce couldn't score a striptease halftime gig at the Poulan Weedeater Independence Bowl.

2. AND THE OSCAR GOES TO ...: Wasn't Beyonce about the only person appearing in Dream Girls who didn't get an Oscar nomination? Even Eddie "Remember I was once Axel Foley" Murphy got one. Face it, Janet did better acting in Good Times and Ghost Dad.

3. THE TUNES: Nasty, Escapade, What Have You Done For Me Lately. Janet fills our iPods with poppy, sexy sing-along fun. Beyonce has ... Sasha Fierce? (cricket, cricket). Don't worry, B, there's always room for you ... at the Golden Nugget showroom in Laughlin, Nev.

[AP photo]

Birthday throwdown: Kline vs. Abraham

Two significant '80s birthdays today: Kevin Kline turns 61 and F. Murray Abraham turns 69.

Both had their hits and misses during our beloved decade. Both seem to resist the celebrity spotlight. And they both still get a kick out of performing on stage rather than on the big screen.

Let's break it down and see which Oscar-winning actor deserves the bigger slice of b-day cake today.

HIGH MARK:
Kline: You may have loved him as "Harold" in 1983's The Big Chill, but Kline took home the gold statue for playing "Otto" in A Fish Called Wanda.
Abraham: You want me to say "Omar Suarez" in 1983's Scarface. But you gotta go with his Oscar-winning turn as "Antonio Salieri" in 1984's Amadeus. (The movie, not the Falco song.)
Advantage: Each actor had two signature roles here, but Kline's turn as South African newspaper publisher Donald Wood in Cry Freedom clinches it.

LOW MARK:
Kline: The obvious choice might seem to be The January Man from 1989. But that's because you forget he played "The Pirate King" in 1983's The Pirates of Penzance.
Abraham: I can honestly say the only other movie I've seen of his in the '80s was 1989's An Innocent Man (the movie, not the Billy Joel song) with Tom Selleck.
Advantage: Sorry, but Abraham actually saved Innocent Man, so he wins here.

OUTSIDE THE '80s:
Kline: So many great roles here, including Dave (1993), Chaplin (1992), The Ice Storm (1997). Only stinkers like Fierce Creatures (1997), Wild Wild West (1999) and The Pink Panther (2006) taint his legacy.
Abraham: Where do we start? As "D.A. Abe Weiss" in Bonfire of the Vanities? As the villains in the horrendous Last Action Hero or Star Trek Insurrection? Nothing tops him playing "Noah" in Muppets From Space.
Advantage: Kline, because if he ever made a Star Trek movie, he'd be cooler than Capts. Kirk and Picard combined.

INTANGIBLES:
Kline: Do I have to say it? (He's married to Phoebe Cates.)
Abraham: The "F" stands for Fahrid (though he sometimes went as "Frank").
Advantage: Sorry, Frank. Kevin wins. Also because we want to see Phoebe help blow out the birthday candles.

Which Heather Locklear reigns supreme?

Heather Locklear might have the most perfect '80s name of any star from our favorite decade. Sassy, yet razor-sharp. Of course, the rest of her ain't bad either.

Heather never gets her due for her work in the '80s, mainly because it was spread out over nearly every iconic TV show of the decade. She appeared on CHiPs, Eight Is Enough, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island ... even The Fall Guy. Not a bad resume for someone who turns 47 years old today.

But here's the thing: If you had to pick just one Heather Locklear of the '80s, and you had to pick between her two longest gigs, which would it be: Heather from T.J. Hooker ... or Heather from Dynasty? Let's break it down.

THE SHOWS:
T.J. HOOKER: It had William Shatner ... and Adrian Zmed, thus giving it instant Hall of Fame status as an '80s guilty pleasure.
DYNASTY: Oil barons! Sex! Deceit! Greed! More sex! How come an unrated version was never released on DVD?!?
ADVANTAGE: Dynasty ... I don't want to turn my back on Shatner, but man cannot live on Kirk alone.

THE CHARACTERS:
OFFICER STACY SHERIDAN: Sounds so close to Officer Stacy Spears. That would have worked out nicely.
SAMANTHA JOSEPHINE DEAN REECE CARRINGTON FALLMONT: With so many name changes, she sounds like a former Mrs. Spears. So just call her "Sammy Jo," because that almost makes her unsexy, though physics professors at MIT have already proved that's impossible.
ADVANTAGE: T.J. Hooker ... because who can say no to a woman who knows how to use handcuffs.

THE LOOK:
T.J. HOOKER: Hair parted right down the middle, feathered back. An innocent smile. Will you go to the prom with me, Officer Sheridan?
DYNASTY: It's like she walked straight in from her audition for Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard. Well, cut-off jeans work in Texas too. God bless the Lone Star State.
ADVANTAGE: Oh come on now, did you really think I was going to make a stand on this one?

[Publicity photo courtesy of Fox]

Save room in the Love Shack for me!

Eighties fans love everything in jumbo size: big hair, big wine coolers and big, BIG legends from their decade to headline the summer tour season.

Tonight's True Colors Tour at Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall brings two mighty contenders to town: the B-52s and Cyndi Lauper, who gets the nod as the headliner. But really, should she? Time pop music guru (and Ben Stiller lookalike until he gets a haircut) Sean Daly and I have agreed to wage blog battle over the question...

Who's bigger: The B-52s or Cyndi Lauper. (Naturally, I picked the winning side.)

TOP 3 REASONS THE B-52s SHOULD HEADLINE THE SHOW:

3. THE SEX: Booty-bots! Eroti-bots! Making love in zero gravity! Who could ask for anything more? The B-52s’ funky new "Funplex" is vastly superior — and sexier — than Cyndi’s clunky new "Bring Ya to the Brink."

2. THE CLASSICS: If you crave a "Party Out of Bounds," only our friends from Athens, Ga., can accommodate with "Love Shack," "Planet Claire" and "Rock Lobster."

1. THE PURE MEDICINAL POWER: This just in . . . B-52s music cures arthritis, joint discomfort, back pain and everything thing else caused by sitting through a long summer concert!

Go to Sean's Pop Life blog to show pity for his misguided music tastes, and then feel free to come back here and do the "Rock Lobster" with me. Here comes a bikini whale!

Mogul throwdown: Zemeckis vs. Lucas

Two big names in '80s film-making share a birthday today: George Lucas, 64, and Robert Zemeckis, 57. (Nevermind the guy in the middle of the photo. He's probably just some anonymous fan getting his photo taken with his heroes.)

Though perhaps their signature work was outside our decade -- Lucas' "Star Wars" began in 1977 and Zemeckis' scored with "Forrest Gump" in 1994 -- they each left big footprints in the '80s ... along with a couple of trips and stumbles.

So which Hollywood god should be giving the other one noogies today? Which mogul reigns supreme? Here we go...

HIGHLIGHT FLICKS
LUCAS: George didn't direct much in the 80s, but his writing and producing skills helped crank out hits like the "Indiana Jones" trilogy, "Labyrinth" and even the unlikely "Body Heat."
ZEMECKIS: Robert has the "Back to the Future" trilogy to hang his hat on, though he'd probably rather forget Parts 2 and 3. (I know the rest of us have.)

LOWLIGHT FLICKS
LUCAS: All I have to say here is "Howard the Duck" and Michael Jackson's "Captain EO." 
ZEMECKIS: I'm going to catch grief for this, but I can't stand 1988's "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" OK, then let's talk about the el-bombo "1941" -- released in December 1979, so it was still stinking up screens briefly into the 80s.

FORGOTTEN FLICKS
LUCAS: The would-be Val Kilmer star vehicle "Willow" was written by Lucas. Though I doubt he takes credit for the line, "You are so beautiful! Your eyes! Your whiskers! I have to kiss you!"
ZEMECKIS: Let's start with the guilty pleasure of 1980's "Used Cars." And remember, he also directed "Romancing the Stone," back when Kathleen Turner could still act. (I'm kidding. ... She could never act.)

WHO WINS?
Tough call. George has the "Star Wars" legacy and the upcoming revival of Indiana Jones (stay tuned for this week's podcast!). But maybe we should be thankful that Zemeckis doesn't have a "Back to the Future" prequel for us to kick around. ("Back to the Future 6: Revenge of the Biff")

You tell us! Which one wins this battle?

[Getty Images]