Jabba the Hutt as a cake? It'll take more than Jedi powers to stomach this

This cake-maker is my kind of scum: fearless and inventive.

[Wave of the light saber to Pop Candy, Walyou and Geekstir]

Another stake in the heart of the '80s: 'Fright Night' remake coming

Wanna see something really scary? Hollywood is set to remake the 1985 horror comedy Fright Night.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Mad Men writer-producer Marti Noxon will write the remake for DreamWorks. That's somewhat of a relief since Noxon cut her fangs, so to speak, as a writer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. THR says "the new version will keep the comedy-horror tone while modernizing the effects." Oh thank you.

No word on who'd star in the remake -- Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowall and William Ragsdale were in the original -- but safe to assume it'll be a bunch of somewhat trendy TV stars from shows that we all should be watching but don't because we're too busying watching the John Cusack movie marathon on AMC.

Seriously, is nothing sacred, Hollywood? Why not get Judd Apatow to remake E.T. while they're at it? Have Michael Cera play "Elliot" and Ellen Page play "Gertie." And instead of Reese's Pieces, the alien just quaffs Tic-Tacs to get those bicycles flying over the moon.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM FRIGHT NIGHT:

5. "I am Peter Vincent, vampire killer!"

4. "Apparently your generation doesn't want to see vampire killers anymore, nor vampires either. All they want to see slashers running around in ski masks, hacking up young virgins."

3. "Mmm mmm! His dinner... is in the oven!"

2. "Kill me. Kill me, Charley... before I turn into a vampire, and... GIVE YOU A HICKEY!"

1. "Welcome to Fright Night! For real."

Michael Jackson speaks again during séance; mad that he's not buried with Monroe

Michael Jackson has been contacted in the great beyond. And he's pissed.

On Friday night, celebrity medium Derek Acorah held an on-air séance on U.K.’s Sky1 to contact the King of Pop, according to PollStar.

"During the painful, one-hour exercise in the foolishness of people with too much free time on their hands, Acorah – who claimed MJ was speaking through him – revealed that, among other things, the King of Pop is furious that his final resting place isn’t near his idol, Marilyn Monroe," PollStar reports.

The only other palatable news from the séance: Jackson was singing Heal the World when he was contacted by Acorah.

We now return to the world of the living.

Not the buzz we needed: Jolt Cola about to fizzle out

If member of the '80s nation were still in our college years, this would be the WORST NEWS EVER: Jolt Cola is about to go flat. For good.

The double-caffeinated cola was born in 1985 and was a staple for every all-nighter until being overtaken by newer energy drinks. ("Don't do drugs ... Minotaur!") Still, the soda could still be found on store shelves some 25 years later.

Alas, the bad news.

"Jolt Co. Inc. now seems likely to close, according to an attorney for the company, after a contentious attempt at reorganizing fell apart earlier this week," says this report. Indeed, Jolt filed for bankruptcy in late September.

Several companies have shown interest in buying the Jolt name and formula, but the company's debts might make it unattractive to lenders in the current economic climate.

In the meantime, I guess we'll all have to make do with Vivarin.

Tauntaun sleeping bag: And you thought they smelled bad on the outside

Why do these products only come out when '80s geeks reach adulthood? Young Jedis and stormtroopers alike, I give you: Official Star Wars Tauntaun sleeping bags from ThinkGeek.com.

"In the sub-zero wasteland of the planet Hoth, only the strong survive... and of course those lucky Jedi protected by the thick skin of a Tauntaun," reads the official advertisement. "This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, internal intestines and plush lightsaber zipper pull."

Internal intestines? Oh no, your kids won't have nightmares AT ALL. ("Daddy, daddy. I just dreamed I was suffocated by small intestines." ... "Oh, don't worry, kiddo. It could be worse. You could have just made out with her sister before escaping certain execution on the Death Star. Nighty-night.")

Just consider the official slogan of the Tauntaun sleeping bag: "Slumber in the Belly of the Beast." Oh, it gets so much worse. Read on.

"Now when your kids tell you their favorite Star Wars movie is Attack of the Clones you can nestle the wee-ones snug in simulated Tauntaun fur while regaling them with the amazing tale of Empire Strikes Back," the ad reads. "Use the plush lightsaber zipper pull on the Tauntaun sleeping bag to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass."

The sleeping bag -- "great for playing pretend 'Save Luke from the Wampa' games" -- sells for $99.99 at ThinkGeek. ... Or does it?

Turns out the Tauntaun sleeping bag was a prank by ThinkGeek. Yeah, the same gang who punked us April Fool's Day products (I love the Betamax to HD-DVD Converter) fooled the world with the sleeping bag. Ironically though, due to demand for the sleeping bag, ThinkGeek is trying to get the actual product made now. 

"We are definitely trying to make it in to an actual item to be sold 
on our site," ThinkGeek's Shane Peterman told the LA Times. "Right now, we're aiming to have it available 
for the holidays, or at the latest, the 30th anniversary of The Empire 
Strikes Back next spring. We're still working with Lucas to get approval for a final design."

Thank the Maker!

(Thanks to SIT80s "Dubai correspondent" Beth for tipping us off.)

Michael Jackson's legacy to live on ... in a milkshake

When you think of dignified ways of preserving the memories of your loves ones, does inventing a new milkshake flavor in their honor pop to mind? It did for La Toya Jackson.

The flakiest of the remaining Jackson siblings turned up this week at West Hollywood’s Millions of Milkshakes to create a frosty treat worthy of Michael Jackson’s legacy. According to EOnline, the yet-unnamed shake has strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, Skittles, mixed nuts, caramel, whipped cream and a Cadbury flake. (The nuts and flakes we get, but Skittles? Yeesh.)

Apparently, celeb-designed drinks are all the rage at Millions of Milkshakes. Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff stopped off after appearing on Dancing With the Stars on Wednesday to design their own desserts. No Skittles were harmed, thankfully.

No '80s stars are listed among the existing celebrity shakes, but the store also boasts of its hot dogs. Maybe Sean Daly and I can get a couple "weiners" named after us some day.

Coco, Bruno and Leroy have left the building: New 'Fame' is just lame

A lot of '80s fans probably had high hopes for 2009 remake of Fame. We adored the original (even if it doesn't stand up as well over time) and the TV show it spawned. But at least according to our film critic here, the new Fame is just lame.

"Nearly 30 years later, Fame - both the remake and stardom itself - is so arbitrarily dispensed that nothing about it seems credible," writes Steve Persall in his review today. "Rather than discovery, we sense desperation in trying to stand out among the high school musicals and saved last dances that are now clichés. There's certainly talent in the cast but it's packaged for easy dissemination as music videos and YouTube downloads."

Yikes. Persall told me earlier today that the dancing and singing segments are entertaining enough, but when the music stops, so does the enjoyment. The dialog? Just painful.

"The new, unimproved Fame won't live forever except in DVD cutout bins, and remembering anyone's name will be a chore," Persall wrote.

The movie opens nationwide on Friday, Sept. 25. Click here for his full review. Also, click here to see where the original cast of the movie is today.

Last chance: Name your guilty-pleasure songs of the '80s

Today is your last chance to submit your picks for the Guiltiest Pleasures of the '80s. Remember, the winner gets a free MIXA tape. (The nine runner-ups get a discount code to buy a MIXA tape. All 10 win podcast fame and glory.) Click here to see the original list.

We rarely give away one of the finalists ahead of time, but I can't get this song out of my head, so we're giving you a sneak peek: The Fat Boys (featuring the Beach Boys) with Wipeout.

Oh, it's horrible. So bad in fact that we had multiple people submit it. Lucky for those people we'll only out one of you on the podcast.

Wipeout was a hit for the Fat Boys back in 1987. The band formed in 1982 and lasted through 1991. But good news: They have reformed and have a new official website. Can you say Regeneration Tour 2010? The horror. The horror.

We're all Otto love for the 'Repo Man' sequel

It's been 25 long years since Emilio Estevez's menacing take on would-be repo-man Otto dazzled ... umm dozens maybe? ... in midnight movie showings across the country.

And while the movie Repo Man may not have been a cash cow at the box office, it does enjoy a continued cult status that apparently its brand-new sequel -- Repo Chick -- couldn't even possibly hope for.

The reviews of director Alex Cox's movie are starting to leak out, and the word isn't good.

"Repo Chick could be likened to what you would get if Michael Moore directed an episode of Nick Jr.kiddie series Lazy Town," writes Variety's Leslie Felperin. "In other words, it's fun but all over the map, an oddity that will prove an acquired taste for some, but way too annoying for others."

The movie premiered this week in Venice ("Welcome to Italy" ... obligatory Stripes quote.) and revolves around "a spoiled heiress goes into the repossession biz and stumbles onto anti-golf vegan terrorists," Variety says. IFC.com has more plot details, if you want them.

Of course, Twitter fans have their opinion too: “Don’t ever see Repo Chick unless you like model trains, valley girls, and bad green screen,” writes @KyleWhite.

But nobody answers the important questions. Where there be glowing cars? A killer punk rock soundtrack? Plates of shrimp? I'm just not feelin' 7-Up about it.

Michael Bolton + Lady Gaga = Game Over Man!

For those of us growing up in the '80s, the end of mankind always manifested itself in the form of nuclear apocalypse or perhaps even a biblical type plague. Never could we have imagined -- or wanted to conceive -- that it'd come this way:

Soft FM '80s king Michael Bolton is teaming up with current flavor of the day Lady Gaga for a ballad called Murder My Heart. (Well, at least the title makes sense.)

"I was taking a break from production when my manager and the label tag-teamed me on the phone about writing with a young artist named Lady Gaga who I had never heard of but they were raving about," Bolton told London's Metro newspaper. "They said that she was a huge fan of mine and wanted to write with me."

The Bolton-Gaga tune is planned for his upcoming album, One World Love, due later in September.

This wouldn't be Lady Gaga's first venture with an '80s icon. Gaga appeared with Pet Shop Boys, warbling Dustry Springfield's lines during What Have I Done To Deserve This for a live performance earlier this year at the Brit Awards. (God, did I just call Bolton an icon?)

Well, at least Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite -- so she's got that going for her. Which is nice.