Famous 'dos of the 80s

Sadly, given our advancing ages, most of us are well beyond having to worry about frosted highlights, extra-strength hairgel and other hirsute adventures.

But that doesn't mean we can't drag our hairy heroes through the mud again. I mean, come on, Limahl. Are there fishing lines holding those hairstrands up?

Today's challenge: Name were the best celebrity/musician hairdos of the 80s.

I'm just jealous, because I was born with Pete Rose hair -- completely straight, fly-away hair that refuses to conform to any modern style. Unless I use tons of gel, but then I look like Crispin Glover.

Feel free to consider actors, celebrities and musicians for the list. Here are some obvious inclusions:

MIKE SCORE (A Flock of Seagulls): Perhaps the poster man-child for interesting hair. Sadly, he's bald now. (And he says he hates playing "I Ran" -- go figure.)

HOWARD JONES: His hair is sorta halfway between Mike Score's and that MTV Veejay Alan Hunter. Sadly, these days he looks more like Christopher Lloyd in "Back to the Future."

THE B-52s: Just Kate and Cindy. Fred looks just fine.

AIMEE MANN ('Til Tuesday): Once sported the infamous "rat tail," which really should be the official hair accessory of the '80s.

ANNABELLA LWIN (Bow Wow Wow): She went mohawk -- and au natural -- for an album cover. One problem. She wasn't 18 yet.

Add your nominations to the list. We'll unveil the final ranking on a later date. In the meantime, go visit a stylist and ask for the featured look. Time to bring back a classic!

He'll give 'Rock of Love' a bad name

Here's some news to make the ladies swoon: Bon Jovi guitarist Ritchie Sambora is set to replace Poison's Bret Michaels on next season's "Rock of Love."

Season 2 of the too-painful-to-look-away reality show just wrapped up with Michaels choosing skank-a-licious Ambre Lake as his new girlfriend.

"Despite the first season being exposed as a fraud -- the winning contestant already had a boyfriend -- Michaels and Lake insists this time it is for real, and they are handing the show over to another single star," according to the brilliantly name Sleaze Roxx website.

Sambora, on the other hand, has already been through Heather Locklear and her gal-pal Denise Richards. And he thinks he'll do better picking anonymous women off VH1? Good luck, Richie. I'd take a double-shot of "Bad Medicine" before the season opener -- 'cause there ain't no doctor that can cure the disease.

[AP, publicity photos]

Madonna fans are suckers

Madonna celebrates the release of "Hard Candy" with the usual moronic bunch of robotic dancing dweebs Wednesday In New York. [AP photo]

I'll never understand the enduring attraction to Madonna. And after this blog item, I might stop trying. (Even though her apologists will never go away.)

Madonna threw a free concert Wednesday night at New York's Roseland Ballroom, a quaint 2,000-person venue. According to the New York Times, fans waited in line as long as 60 hours for a chance to see her perform -- for 30 ... whole ... minutes.

Plus, if you believe at least one celeb gossip website, she may have been lip-syncing or music-syncing portions of the show. "What Would Tyler Durden Do" -- easily one of the most profane (ie. hilarious) websites out there, posts a short video of the show with this helpful hint: "Just let this clip load all the way then skip to 1:50 because that's when Madonna awesomely stops singing yet you can still hear her singing."

Nice "live" show. From the "Material Girl" to the "Artificial Filler Girl" in just 20 years.

25 years of ... Ewoks

"Star Wars: Return of the Jedi" celebrates its 25th anniversary this year, so expect a whole new round of debate on the usual topics:

• Which was better: "Jedi" or "Empire?" (You're getting an atomic noogie if you say "Jedi.")
• Did Han Solo go from stud to wimp in the course of just three movies? (I'm surprised he wasn't wearing a dress by 1983.) And of course...
• Can you admit to loving the Ewoks without being called a total poser (or worse)?

You have to admit: The debut of the Ewoks foretold a stirring prophecy -- that the next three Star Wars movies would be totally juvenile. ("You refer to the prophecy of The Furry One who will bring balance to the Box Office and Toy Sales. You believe it's this Ewok?" Yes, Master Windu! Geesh...)

Still, there are those in the Republic who would defend the Ewoks. Just click here to view "The Star Wars Ewok Gospel."

The excommunication of Madonna

How many more mind-numbing, techno-laden albums must we endure from Madonna before we come to this painful realization: The Material Girl we knew and loved from the '80s is long dead and buried. She's no longer one of us.

Her latest disc -- "Hard Candy" -- bears more resemblance to a Britney Spears collection of b-sides than anything else. Perfect for the booty-bumping, Red Bull-saturated twenty-something crowd -- but total heresy for the older set of us who prefer to remember the subtle but surreal pleasures of tunes like "Live to Tell" and "Crazy for You."

Times pop music critic Sean Daly reviewed "Hard Candy" on his blog yesterday, and it's not hard for 80s fans to read between the lines: "Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, Timbaland and Pharrell bring their synthy booty beats and marching-band samples, Madonna purrs out every dumb 'give it to me' cliche, and we all dance naked," he writes.

Meanwhile, I writhe in agony. Timbaland again? Isn't it enough he destroyed the latest Duran Duran album? How much longer must we be subjected to his Vanilla Icing of the pop music scene?

The only song I could come close to enjoying was "Incredible," a six-minute-long lamentation about  ... hell, I have no idea. The message goes back and forth, but one verse stood out:

"You don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
And everything in life just goes wrong.
Feels like nobody's listening
And something is missing."

I'll tell you what's missing, Madonna ... It's you.

[AP photo]

'I want more boom boom boom!'

Neil Diamond, honorary '80s star for the day, is heading out on tour again. Click here for the full slate of dates. For those of us in Tampa Bay, he's got a date Oct. 24 at the St. Pete Times Forum. (Tickets go on sale April 21.)

When you hear Neil Diamond, you probably think "Cherry Cherry" or "Sweet Caroline." Nice tunes, but what goes through my head is the 1980 movie "The Jazz Singer" -- easily one of the worst movies featuring some truly great music.

"The Jazz Singer" actually was the second movie my family purchased on VHS after we acquired our tape player. (The first? That was "Can't Stop The Music" -- for $80!!) So needless to say that -- like every other 80s movie out there -- I know every line of the "Jazz Singer" by heart now.

My favorite character? Not Diamond's "Jess Robin." Nah, it's Paul Nicholas playing the obnoxious punk rock singer "Keith Lennox." A singer and stage performer for years, Nicholas would find fame in the U.K. later in the '80s as the star of the TV sitcom "Just Good Friends." For now, hopefully he's happy that one of his "Jazz Singer" quotes made the list today.

TOP 5 FAVORITE LINES FROM THE JAZZ SINGER:

5. "That ain't no brother! That's a white boy!"

4. "That was, um, very nice. Now why don't you just piss off and take those four clowns with you."

3. "Hello? ... Hello again?"

2. "I offered him my body. He settled for ice cream."

1. "Boom boom boom! I want more boom boom boom!"

Around the block and back

Joey McIntyre, Jonathan Knight, Donnie Wahlberg, Jordan Knight and Danny Wood. Is it just me or does Jordan look like the love child of Jon Cryer and Matthew Broderick? [AP photo]

There are many things I've feared hearing in my life, but "New Kids on the Block have reunited" is right up there with "You're allergic to whiskey" and "Sean Daly and you are partners on 'Dancing with the Stars' next season."

But here they are again, and The Not So New But Still Annoying Kids are causing problems already. Rollingstone.com reports that NKOTB's appearance on the Today show this morning caused a near stampede of thirysomething-year-old women (dressed as teens for some reason). Shrieks of "Still hot!" and "We love you, Donnie!" echoed through Manhattan. (Sounds of vomiting by males covering the event also were probably audible.)

The group formally announced that a new album is set for release during the summer, to be followed by a fall tour. Let's just hope they meet the same indifferent fate as last year's Spice Girls reunion.

She'll be "Alone" soon enough

What is it with American Idol contestants? Last time someone tried singing a Heart song, all three judges -- even the less-than-sober one -- chastised the foolhardy soul for attempting to tackle a tune originally recorded with such a tremendous voice. So imagine the shock last night when I saw Ramiele Malubay try "Alone." By the way, it's supposed to sound like this:

Never, ever try to sing a heart song unless your name happens to be Ann Wilson.

Please, no Taco or Toto tonight!

Just when I thought American Idol was free of our beloved '80s ...

Tonight's show features contestants singing a song from the year in which they were born. That means tunes from 1978 (Michael Johns) through 1991 (Lil' Davie Archuleta). So as Donnie Iris once sang, here we go again. (We ain't learned our lesson yet!)

Don't put it past someone to try another Journey song, just to kiss up to Randy Jackson. Thankfully, nobody was born in the same year as a Paula Abdul tune. That's probably the only reason Simon will even show up tonight.

Here are the years in play tonight, along with each contestant and the song I'd pick for them:

• Michael Johns (1978): "How Deep Is Your Love?" -- Bee Gees
  
• David Cook (1982): "Jack and Diane" -- John Mellencamp
  
• Carly Smithson (1983): "Total Eclipse of the Heart" -- Bonnie Tyler
  
• Brooke White (1983): "Come On Eileen" -- Dexy's Midnight Runners (That ought to finish her off!)
  
• Kristy Lee Cook (1984): "Time After Time" --- Cyndi Lauper
• Chikezie Eze (1985): "Part-Time Lover" -- Stevie Wonder
• Syesha Mercado (1987): "Who's That Girl" -- Madonna
• Ramiele Malubay (1987): "Head to Toe" -- Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
• Jason Castro (1987): "Lean On Me" -- Club Nouveau
• David Archuleta (1990): The '90s? You're on your own, little guy!

25 artists that still embarrass us

We hide their tunes in secret playlists on iTunes. Their CDs are tucked into drawers where no friends will see them. And when their hit songs come on the radio, we switch channels in mock disgust while secretly singing along to the outlawed tune in our heads.

They are the bands and artists from the '80s that we never dare to admit we once liked -- and maybe still do. And thanks to an outpouring of reader suggestions, I'm finally ready to unveil the final ranking. Trust me -- it was hard to narrow it down.

25 ARTISTS WE'RE STILL EMBARRASSED TO ENJOY:

25. Julio Iglesias: To all the clowns you loved before...

24. Falco: Don't turn around. Uh-oh! "Der Kommissar" and "Rock Me Amadeus" are in your record collection.

23. Neil Diamond: Just pour me a drink and I'll tell you some lies. Like, "I never owned 'Jazz Singer' on DVD ... really!"

22. Kenny Rogers: He never did learn when to fold them. Just ask his plastic surgeon.

21. Peter Cetera: Admit it -- you bought the Karate Kid 2 soundtrack for "Glory of Love."

20. Sheena Easton: Loved "For Your Eyes Only." But "Morning Train"?  I'd have taken the bus.

19. George Michael: He'll never live down "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" -- "Choose Life" shirt optional.

18. Steve Perry/Journey: Who's crying now? Anyone who paid to see the band once Steve left.

17. Al Jarreau: He had 18 singles that charted in the '80s, but I guess we're not in this love together anymore.

16. Asia: The smile has left our eyes.

15. Whitney Houston: The greatest love of all? Selling our Whitney Houston CDs at a garage sale.

14. Rick Springfield: You better love somebody. Preferably not a soap star.

13. The Manhattan Transfer: Even the boy from NYC doesn't like them anymore.

12. Debbie Gibson: Out of the blue, she changed her name to Deborah. Oh, that'll help.

11. Tiffany: Still like her? I think you're alone now.

10. Paula Abdul: From singing "Straight Up" to drinking straight up. 

9. Toni Basil: Oh "Mickey," what a pity.

8. Olivia Newton-John: Psst! You know you own the Xanadu and Grease soundtracks.

7. Kenny G: A punchline for generations to come. But somebody's buying his records.

6. Barry Manilow: He writes the songs ... but why we you still listening to them in the '80s?

5. Christopher Cross: When one of your signature songs is forever associated with Luke, Laura and General Hospital, you're lucky you're only No. 5 on this list.

4. Culture Club: Give him time ... to realize his crime. After all, it's a long list.

3. Lionel Richie: Hello? Was it him you were looking for? Taking away "Dancing on the Ceiling" and maybe he'd fall from the Top 10.

2. Michael Bolton: Only a pair of Cosby sweater-wearing, ballad-crooning hairballs kept Mr. Mullet from the top spot.

1. Air Supply: Nobody owns up to liking Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock, but there's not a person reading this list that can't burst out singing to "All Out of Love" or "Making Love Out of Nothing At All." They are the McDonalds of the '80s music biz: Billions served, just go easy on the secret sauce.

OK, what bands did we miss? Which were ranked too high or too low?

Madonna inducted into sex toy hall of fame

Well, that's what the photo looks like. And it'd be a whole lot more believable than Madonna's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Unfortunately, this is a photo from Monday night's induction into the rock hall of fame.

Madonna declined to perform at the ceremony, unlike fellow 80s inductee John Mellencamp.

It's been said before and today it needs to be repeated: Madonna isn't a rock artist. There's not a lick of rock in her music. She didn't influence rock. The only thing she could do at this point to infuriate me anymore is to perform "Like a Virgin" outside my house while burning a stack of Asia albums.

[Getty Images]

5 reasons to never cover a Queen song

Give American Idol's Kady Malloy credit for her performance on 80s week. If you want to win a national singing contest, your first instinct should be to: (1) choose the most beautiful song you can find; (2) sung by an artist with a legendary voice, and then; (3) totally knock everyone's spiked Coca-Cola cups over with your rendition.

So Kady picks Queen's "Who Wants To Live Forever." OK, check for No. 1. Sung by one of the greatest showmen of the last 100 years, Freddie Mercury. Check for No. 2. And then she sang it like she was auditioning for the high school chorus after drinking a bottle of NyQuil. It just goes to show that Meatloaf wasn't right: Two out of three actually ain't good sometimes.

It's so simple, people. Maybe you need a refresher course!

FIVE REASONS TO NEVER COVER A QUEEN SONG:

5. Unless your name is George Michael, and you have time between appearances on "Eli Stone," nobody on Earth can match Mercury's voice. Sorry, but Freddie was the only living proof that live must exist on other planets.

4. Assuming you choose to ignore reason #5, at least pick an up-tempo Queen song. Might I suggest "Crazy Little Thing Called Love?" Not a great song, but at least you'd be around for Beatles week.

3. Unless you can quote at least five lines from 1986's nerd-flick "Highlander," the movie in which the song appears, it's bad karma to pick "Who Wants To Live Forever." (Which means only me and maybe a dozen other people are qualified to sing it -- and nobody wants to hear that either.)

2. Like Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit," most truly great Queen songs build in energy verse after verse until it reaches a crescendo where you are at one with all living things and have power beyond imagination.. You can't just chop a Queen song half, sing the first half, smile a toothy grin at Simon Cowell, because ...

1. ... If you do, you're subject to the most important quote from "Highlander" ... "If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!"

[AP photo]

Idol robs us of our '80s dignity

I'm looking for the right analogy to express my overall condition after American Idol's spotlight on the '80s last night.

Got it: It's like going to your first college party, getting drunk and finding a really hot girl that hangs on you all night. Only you wake up the next morning hungover and find out the really hot girl was in fact your younger sister. And to top it all off, there are photos all over MySpace of your friends tea-bagging you and posing next to your passed-out corpse of a body.

In other words: You should have known better.

There are so many reasons to be disappointed this morning. Here are a few:

SONG SELECTION: A Whitney Houston song for a guy? Oh Chikezie ... 80s co-host Sean Daly was right -- take the easy win with some James Ingram. And "Tainted Love" -- are you kidding me, Danny? Why not pick something more cliche -- like the "Super Bowl Shuffle" or "Don't Worry, Be Happy?"

THE PHIL FACTOR: Everyone figured we'd hear Phil Collins at some point, but "Another Day in Paradise" is toward the bottom of the list. "Against All Odds" would have been the right call. Maybe a little "In The Air Tonight."  (I guess we should be happy at least that it wasn't "Susudio.")

TOO SIMPLE MINDED: "Don't You Forget About Me" is an 80s classic, and probably the most "pure" 80s song of the night. I was happy to see it chosen. Too bad Michael Johns bungled it.

THE PAULA FACTOR: Paula Abdul had her moment of fame in the '80s, so I didn't expect her to stay silent all night. But just once I'd like to see her get cranky and start handing out some bad reviews. (God help us all if a female contestant picks a Paula song to perform tonight. Simon might projectile vomit.)

TONIGHT WILL BE WORSE: Expect the poor song choices to continue. Expect someone to perform a song originally sung by a male (I'm thinking a Journey or REO tune). And expect me to be back online tomorrow morning, aspirins in hand, checking out MySpace for photos ... just in case.

'80s Week on American Idol

It is with a heavy heart that I contemplate another week spent in front of my television, cursing under each breath as the most untalented group of misfits ever assembled takes to the airwaves to butcher the songs that I love so dearly.

Yes, it's 80s Week on American Idol. (I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if a million Sanjayas cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Hopefully in some very painful manner.)

Some of my clever colleagues here at the St. Pete Times have already cooked up a list of song suggestions for each of the 16 remaining contestants. But I have my own list ... of course.

80s SONGS WE MOST FEAR TO HEAR THIS WEEK:

LITTLE RED CORVETTE (Prince): Probably tied with "Kiss" for most likely song by the "Artist Who Formerly Would Have Nothing To Do With American Idol." I just wonder if the lyrics can make it past the Fox censors.

BLACK VELVET (Alannah Myles): Released on a 1989 album, so it barely makes the cut. Easily one of the most unbearable songs of our lifetimes, whomever picks this tune should be automatically booted from the show by the time he or she reaches the first chorus.

BEDS ARE BURNING (Midnight Oil): Can Aussie Michael Johns lay off a beloved tune from his homeland? He better, if he wants my vote.

CRIMSON AND CLOVER (Joan Jett version): Everyone figures Amanda Overmyer will go for Joan Jett -- and I agree. But in a surprise move, she'll grab the wrong song, picking this wretched remake originally performed by Tommy James and the Shondells. And unless she gets arrested for indecent exposure outside my place of business, I can't see her sticking around another week.

I WANT CANDY (Bow Wow Wow): In a dream last night, I could see Danny Noriega prancing around stage with giant candy-canes -- his hair pulled up in Annabella Lwin mohawk style. And the American Idol band hopelessly trying catch up -- without throwing up. (I don't sleep well these days.)

Tune into Sean Daly's Pop Life blog tonight at 8pm for a live chat during the show. I'll be there, chatting along, trying desperately to stop the dry heaves.

20 great songs, 20 bad movies

No other decade cranked out great soundtracks like the '80s. Trouble is -- sometimes the movies didn't live up to the music. (Someone's glaring at you, Rick Springfield!)

After a ton of reader feedback, here comes another top 20 that's certain to tweak some people the wrong way: The 20 best songs from really bad movies.

Some criteria to keep in mind: Though some movies are truly criminally bad ("Howard the Duck"), the song from that movie might not be truly great (Let's face it, "Don't Turn Away" isn't Thomas Dolby's best work either.) Likewise, some movies might not be truly awful ("St. Elmo's Fire), even the song is still quite good. (That's the nicest thing anyone's said about John Parr lately.)

So here goes. As usual, this is for entertainment purposes only. No wagering.

TOP 20 GREAT TUNES FROM BAD MOVIES:

20. Against All Odds (Phil Collins) from Against All Odds

19. Man In Motion (John Parr) from St. Elmo's Fire

18. Who Made Who (AC/DC) from Maximum Overdrive

17. Meet Me Halfway (Kenny Loggins) from Over The Top

16. Back To Paradise (.38 Special) from Revenge of the Nerds 2

15. Flash (Queen) from Flash Gordon

14. Twist of Fate (Olivia Newton-John) in Two of a Kind

13. No More Lonely Nights (Paul McCartney) from Give My Regards to Broad Street

12. View to a Kill (Duran Duran) from View to a Kill

11. Into the Groove (Madonna) from Desperately Seeking Susan

10. Is Your Love Strong Enough (Bryan Ferry) from Legend.

9. True Faith (New Order) from Bright Lights, Big City

8. One Vision (Queen) from Iron Eagle

7. Nobody's Fool (Kenny Loggins) from Caddyshack 2

6. Best Man in the World (Ann Wilson) from The Golden Child

5. Masquerade (Berlin) from Perfect

4. Hazy Shade Of Winter (The Bangles) from Less Than Zero

3. Together In Electric Dreams (Giorgio Moroder & Philip Oakey) from Electric Dreams

2. Xanadu (ELO and Olivia Newton-John) from Xanadu

1. Love Somebody (Rick Springfield) from Hard To Hold

Personally, I consider "Love Somebody" to be Springfield's best song. (I can't believe I had an internal list of that hidden inside me.) But "Hard To Hold"? I still have bad memories of going on a first date with a girl to see this movie -- only to find out she'd seen it already ... that same day. It's all downhill from there.

Honorable mentions: Don't Turn Away (Thomas Dolby) from Howard The Duck; Absolute Beginners (David Bowie) from Absolute Beginners; Love On The Rocks (Neil Diamond) from The Jazz Singer; Who's That Girl (Madonna) from Who's That Girl; Kiss (Prince) from Under The Cherry Moon; Get Up Offa That Thing (James Brown) from Doctor Detroit; Who's Johnny (El DeBarge) from Short Circuit; Take It Easy (Andy Taylor) from American Anthem

OK, what songs did we forget?

Call Barry ... whenever you wanna grind

He may write the songs that make the whole world sing. But if Barry Manilow records the songs that makes the 80s nation sing, he should be dragged out onto "Electric Avenue," beaten "Time after Time" and then left for dead in the "Love Shack."

Manilow has already recorded best-of albums for hits from the '50s, '60s and '70s. And it seems an '80s collection is up next.

"We're beginning to put a list together of what I would try for the '80s," Manilow recently told the Cox News Service. "When I looked up the No. 1 songs, there were some really melodic songs, like (Wham!'s) 'Careless Whisper' or 'Time After Time' by Cyndi Lauper - that's a beautiful song - and I thought 'I could handle those.' "

Paul Anka recorded an album of '80s pop and rock classics in 2005, including tunes like "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor and "Jump" by Van Halen. Seemingly more tongue-in-cheek, the album surprisingly wasn't slammed by critics. I'm not sure Manilow should get the same courtesy.

FIVE 80s SINGS I'D PICK FOR MANILOW TO RECORD:

5. ROCK ME AMADEUS (Falco): He has the wig already. Just powder it up.

4. OUR LIPS ARE SEALED (The Go-Go's): It's all that botox, Barry!

3. FIGHT THE POWER (Public Enemy): Somewhere, Flavor Flav just screamed out in terror and was suddenly silenced.

2. MR. ROBOTO (Styx): "So if you see me singing strangely, don't be surprised!"

1. DARLING NIKKI (Prince): "Thank you for a funky time, Barry. Call me, whenever you wanna grind."

[AP photo]

Nice shirt, dude: Best and worst concert tees

Growing up as a young teen in the early 80s, I was totally addicted to buying and wearing concert jerseys. I wore them to school, to the rollerskating rink, to the mall -- I still remember getting weird looks from the tourists at Disney World when I wore the AC/DC shirt showing Angus Young's guitar exploding through his stomach to the theme park.

In most cases I hadn't even attended the concert, but that was of little concern. Stores at the mall sold the knock-off shirts for half the price. However, last night I was able to right a historic wrong and buy an authentic Van Halen shirt of my very own when the band played here in Tampa.

Trouble is, with the significance of the event clouding my judgment, I bought the sorriest shirt they had. Take a look at the photo of it. It looks like a shirt from Olivia Newton-John's "Xanadu" tour! Yes, those are twinkling stars surrounding a glowing Earth. With an orange and purple logo! And, more embarrassing, it's the shirt from last year's leg of the tour; the tour dates on the back don't even list Tampa! (Don't ask how much I paid.)

Still, I can't complain (too much). After all, over the years, I've purchased much worse shirts (the creepy one of a sweaty Hall & Oates staring at each other on their H2O tour comes to mind.) But in the glow of last night's show, I choose to emphasize the positive today.

TOP 3 MUST-OWN CONCERT T-SHIRTS:

3. ROLLING STONES: The classic lips and tongue version, which the band was smart enough to use tour after tour after tour. Almost good enough to make me forget "The Harlem Shuffle."

2. REO SPEEDWAGON: The classic winged logo t-shirt from the Hi-Infidelity tour in jersey form. Simple, elegant, one for the ages.

1. JOURNEY: Preferably the one from the Escape tour. I still own a replica of the shirt I bought at the Oct. 22, 1981 show at the Lakeland Civic Center.

TOP 3 SHIRTS I WISH I HADN'T BOUGHT:

3. STYX: The infamous Mr. Roboto tour, featuring the creepy robot face on the front of the shirt. A friend's prom date threw up on it during the after-party and I could never bring myself to wear it again without smelling the faint odor of french fries and mustard.

2. FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD: The shirt, featuring illustrations of nearly naked band members, almost got me beat up at the mall by members of my high school football team. (Save your energy, guys, you went 1-9 that season.)

1. PAUL McCARTNEY: I bought it from an unauthorized street vendor and put it on before going into the show at Tampa Stadium. When it rained two songs into Sir Paul's set, the shirt literally melted off my body, leaving me shirtless for the remainder of the show. Live and let die? You bet if I ever get my hands on that vendor again.

We meet again, Doctor Jones

The trailer for the fourth Indiana Jones movie is finally out. Let me save you some time: It looks awful.

You may get a small chill at first when they recount his exploits of the first three flicks (except that criminally awful "Temple of Doom" fiasco.) But when it cuts to scenes from the new flick, prepare to sit there stone-faced -- as if your accountant was explaining estimated quarterly taxes.

It's all explosions, stunt driving and special effects. Hint of a story? No. A few choice zingers from Harrison Ford? Nope. Maybe a sexy shot of villain Cate Blanchett? Sorry. (Basically exactly the same sort of trailer-trash we got from the last 3 Star Wars movies.)

Click here to view it yourself. Or just check out today's top 5 list instead.

TOP 5 PROPOSED NAMES FOR A FIFTH INDIANA JONES MOVIE:

5. "Indiana Jones Meets The Ghost of Harrison Ford's Career"

4. "Indiana Jones and the Search for the Missing Writer's Guild Members"

3. "Indiana Jones: Mein Kampf" (German release only)

2. "Indiana Jones and the Wedding of Karen Allen to an 80s Blogger"

1. "Indiana Jane and the Mysterious Sex-Change Operation"

[AP photo]

Grammy winners in the 80s

Tonight marks the 50th anniversary of the Grammy Awards, the most bogus and over-hyped way of recognizing excellence in music.

How bogus? Quicker than you can say Milli Vanilli, read this list of winners for Best Song in the 80s:

• 1980 - "What a Fool Believes" (The Doobie Brothers)
• 1981 - "Sailing" (Christopher Cross)
• 1982 - "Bette Davis Eyes" (Kim Carnes)
• 1983 - "Always on My Mind" (Willie Nelson)
• 1984 - "Every Breath You Take" (The Police)
• 1985 - "What's Love Got to Do with It?" (Tina Turner)
• 1986 - "We Are the World" (USA for Africa)
• 1987 - "That's What Friends Are For" (Elton John, Gladys Knight, Dionne Warwick & Stevie Wonder)
• 1988 -  "Somewhere Out There" (James Ingram & Linda Ronstadt)
• 1989 - "Don't Worry, Be Happy" (Bobby McFerrin)

I can say with complete confidence that I own just two of the above songs on CD. I'll spot you that one is "Every Breath You Take" -- the most overplayed Police song in history, but still on an otherwise great CD. Anyone care to guess which other song I own? (Hint: It's only because it's on a compilation CD.)

By the way, try out the online quiz I wrote for the Grammy Awards. Click here to challenge yourself. Feel free to post your score afterward. Right now, 11 (out of 18) is the top score among my friends and co-workers.

[AP photo]

The new Knight Rider car is a Mustang?

Does this honestly look like a state-of-the art car capable of being a super-hero? Of course not. It's a Ford.

The new star of NBC's Knight Rider (part deux) is a Mustang! K.I.T.T. is rolling over in whatever junkyard graveyard he's currently residing in. (Actually, K.I.T.T. is alive and well -- and probably living in sin with The General Lee -- but that's not important right now.)

I'm queasy enough with Knight Rider making a return in movie form. But now they're sullying tradition by having a Mustang stand in for the old Trans-Am?

My first car was a 1982 Mustang. Bright white. Decorative (aka "fake") air scoop in front. Let me tell how much I loved that thing. The engine caught on fire -- twice. The rear-view mirror fell off weekly. And in the last year of ownership, the only way I could get the car into gear was by sticking a butter knife into the transmission hole. American craftsmanship.

But according to NBC's publicity machine, the new K.I.T.T. "is absolutely the coolest car ever created: its supercomputer capable of hacking almost any system; its weapons systems efficient; and its body -- thanks to its creator's work and nanotechnology -- is capable of actually shifting shape and color."

Let's hope it knows how to made last-minute appointments at the service garage too. But wait! There's more: "Its artificial intelligence makes it the ideal good cop partner: logical, precise and possessing infinite knowledge. It is the ultimate car -- and someone will be willing to do anything to obtain it."

Trust me on this. If you do manage to obtain "the ultimate car," invest in a couple of fire extinguishers. They might come in handy.

-- The two-hour movie version of Knight Rider airs on Sunday, Feb. 17, at 9 p.m. Eastern time.

[NBC publicity photos]

Worst sports movies of the 80s

Why can't Hollywood get it right when it comes to sports movies?

Sure, the 80s had some classics (Bull Durham, The Natural), but it had some unforgivable nightmares as well. So as the glow of another football season begins to fade and we're left to contemplate the black hole of lesser sports until next fall, it's time to pick...

TOP 10 WORST SPORTS MOVIES OF THE 80s:

10. RAD (1986): It couldn't be the 80s without a BMX movie. Talia Shire probably wishes IMDB.com didn't exist for this single reason.

9. GLEAMING THE CUBE (1989): A skateboarding movie! With Christian Slater! And that dude from Scarface! (And to think we're only at No. 9!)

8. THE SLUGGER'S WIFE (1985): Rebecca De Mornay is truly awful (as a singer and actress) in this flick. Michael O'Keefe looks as much like an Atlanta Brave as I look like a porn star. (Well, maybe Ron Jeremy.)

7. JOHNNY BE GOOD (1988): Paul Gleason is great. Anthony Michael Hall and Uma Thurman are unbearable. And Robert Downey Jr. is, as usual, psychotic.

6. OVER THE TOP (1987): Please don't make me say arm wrestling is a real sport. But I think this Stallone pic washes away the goodness of at least one Rocky edition.

5. JOCKS (1987): Anyone remember this Perry Lang/Richard Roundtree star vehicle about a college tennis team? (Put your hands down, please.)

4. CADDYSHACK 2 (1988): Great theme song by Kenny Loggins ("Nobody's Fool") and then ... poof. By the end, you want to kill Jackie Mason and Dan Aykroyd -- not the gopher.

3. SIX PACK (1982): What's harder to conceive: Kenny Rogers as a race-car driver or Buck Roger's Erin Gray as his adoring fan? (Of course, both are trumped by the acting debut of Anthony Michael Hall.)

2. STROKER ACE (1983): I can only image that Hollywood was so happy with the box office return of "Six Pack" that they green-lit this NASCAR disaster, starring Burt Reynolds, Loni Anderson and ... wait for it ... Jim Nabors! (Not to mention the superb skills of Parker Stevenson.)

1. AMERICAN ANTHEM (1986): Mitch Gaylord and Janet Jones star in a completely unwatchable movie that basically takes the story line of "Purple Rain" and applies it to gymnastics. What else can you say about a movie whose best review comes from a website called Hollywood Bitchslap.

Which movies did I forget?

Super Bowl's free-falling halftime show

Everyone catch Tom Petty's halftime show at the Super Bowl? I'm left with a couple lasting impressions:

• That was the most predictable set possible. First, "American Girl" -- nice choice. (I yelled out lines from "Fast Times" during the entire song -- "THE cruising vessel!" -- much to the dismay of my guests.) Then all the tunes you expected, ending with "Running Down A Dream." No surprises.
• Tom looks awful in a beard. He's not exactly Tom Brady without facial hair either, but you know what I mean.
• I think Tom could have used some time in the training room prior to the show. Some whirlpool time. He barely moved. He looked like me after I do the first lawn-mowing of the season. I wanted to buy him a recliner and a couple Advils.
• Lastly, I'm glad I haven't yet pulled the trigger on buying tickets for his summer tour. The Heartbreakers looked great, but I'm not sensing a show worth spending $100 at this point.

You know what Petty needed? Rain! Like Prince had last year in Miami. And perhaps a hip replacement. I'm not sure. Still, give the NFL some kudos for sticking with the 80s for another year. My hope for next year's Super Bowl Halftime here in Tampa? ... Frankie Goes To Hollywood. ("When two tribes go to war, one is all that you can score!")

[AP photo]

Idol chat tonight: One more time

Hey gang, don't forget the American Idol chat that I'm guest-hosting again tonight on Sean Daly's Pop Life blog. The fun -- aww, who am I kidding? -- the drudgery begins at 8 p.m. Come keep me company.

Tonight's auditions are in Miami, which normally you'd think would be exciting to a lifelong Floridian like myself. However, I've long given up on Miami being part of Florida. It's more like the one Orlando theme park nobody wants to go to anymore. Yeah, just like Disney's Animal Kingdom!

Still hanging tough with New Kids on the Block

Hey gang, Stephanie Hayes here. Spears, to maintain his last miserable shred of dignity, asked me to take the blog reigns on this one - NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK! The dreamy Boston boy band ruled in the late 80s, pimped by Maurice Starr as a white answer to New Edition.

Yesterday, I shared a moment with my friend, Tamara. She's a pavement-pounding journalist by day, a closet NKOTB fan by night. Here's our electronic exchange. Only true NKOTB fans will appreciate it:

Tamara: NKOTB!!!!
Stephanie: HANGING TOUGH!
Tamara: step by step oh babyyyyyyy gonna get to you giiiiirrrrrlllllllll
Stephanie: you got the right stuff, baybee, love the way you turn me on
Tamara: please dont go giiiiiiiirl
Stephanie: jordan is so hot
Tamara: i heart jordan.

Two professional women reduced to sniveling fan girls. Sad. I had the Jordan Knight doll, which if I recall, came with ONE EARRING. I had trading cards. A hot pink plastic watch. My sophisticated neighbor, Ashley Kunaszewski, who was a year older and had a boyfriend, CARVED HER HALLOWEEN PUMPKIN with Jonathan Knight's initials. (Ashley – e-mail me!)

In the early 90s, the group became a punch line. The boys were later forced into desperation gigs on the "Surreal Life" and "Dancing with the Stars."

But fear not! There has been mucho chatter of a New Kids reunion. Danny Wood, the, um, unfortunate looking one, keeps posting cryptic things on MySpace like, "I can guarantee all the fans that if this reunion were to happen, they would hear about it first on www.NKOTB.com." If it pans out, Tamara and I are getting front row tickets.

I know many of you are bent over puking into the wastebasket now. I don't expect you to share my passion for boys with fade haircuts and high tops.

But here’s my question to you, 80s nation: Not counting New Kids, what 80s band reunion would you LEAST like to see?

[AP photo]

Even Freddy would knife this idea

The horror ... the horror: "Nightmare On Elm Street" is about to be reincarnated.

According to Variety.com, Platinum Dunes is working with New Line to reimagine the 1984 film by Wes Craven, which led to eight sequels and two TV movies. And they say creativity is dead in Hollywood.

Never heard of the Platinum Dunes production company? You probably will soon. They're also working on remakes of "Friday the 13th" and "The Birds" -- two other classics that deserve to be left alone.

Will actor Robert Englund return as the evil Freddy Krueger, the boiler room-friendly janitor who killed teenagers (including a young Johnny Depp) in their sleep? Doubful. Englund would be 60 by the time filming starts. At least he wouldn't need much in terms of makeup.

No mere mortal can resist the evil of MJ

Did you think you could throw a Super Bowl and NOT invite Michael Jackson? ("You close your eyes, and hope that this is just imagination.")

Wacko Jacko is rumored to be the star of a commercial airing during the game celebrating the 25th anniversary of his "Thriller" album, according to the New York Post. Jackson will appear in a Thriller-themed spot for SoBe Life Water, the beverage made by PepsiCo, which Jackson was so infamously pimping back in 1983 when his hair caught on fire.

But will his career catch back on fire? (Ouch.) The Post also says Jackson will appear on the Grammy Awards on Feb. 10. Meanwhile, his official website has been redesigned to focus on his landmark album.

TOP 5 MICHAEL JACKSON ONE-LINERS FOUND ON THE WEB:

• "If you play Thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long."
• "It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space. A spokesperson for NASA said, 'We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back'."
• "Michael decided to have a boy of his own because it's too expensive to rent them at $2-million a pop."
• "Michael Jackson had a boy. He also became a father!"
• "He told you he was 'Off the Wall', that he was a 'Thriller', that he was 'Bad' and that he was 'Dangerous'.  Next album will be called "Don't say I didn't warn you.' "

[AP photo]

'Potential nausea situation building here!'

In the late 80s, Sean Young had Hollywood by the ... well, you know. Great co-starring spots in "No Way Out" and "Cousins." Nice spicy roles in "Blade Runner" and "Wall Street."

And then, the 90s came, and suddenly she was crazier than Michael Jackson's plastic surgery adviser. Nuttier than Danny DeVito on a Limoncello bender. And basically, more desperate for an acting job than Clint Howard when his brother Ron is on vacation.

Latest example: Young went bizarro at the 2008 Director's Guild Awards over the weekend, according to Access Hollywood. Young interrupted speeches and taunted winners from her table before she was forcibly removed by security guards.

Somewhere today in Hollywood, Tom Cruise is muttering: "Thank Hubbard, she's not a Scientologist."

TOP 5 SEAN YOUNG ROLES OF THE 80s:

5. YOUNG DOCTORS IN LOVE (1982): Ah yes, "Dr. Stephanie Brody" almost single-handedly cured my fear of hospitals.

4. STRIPES (1981): She plays the M.P. who hooks up with Harold Ramis.

3. COUSINS (1989): Ten Danson's wife -- and object of lust at every wedding in the movie.

2. BLADE RUNNER (1982): The creepy and cold replicant Rachael. "I'm not in the business. I am the business."

1. NO WAY OUT (1987): Her character gets to sleep with both Kevin Costner and Gene Hackman. Maybe that's what sent her to the padded room. "We've got a potential nausea situation building here!"

[AP photo]

The bird is the word? Hardly

While everyone waits patiently for this week's Stuck in the 80s podcast on "Novelty Songs of the 80s," here's an obnoxious video to keep you company: Pee Wee Herman doing the "Surfin' Bird" -- one of the 80s songs we played yesterday during my WMNF gig.

Not only is it sometimes difficult to hear and watch, but I take great perverse pleasure in knowing that I actually paid money to see the movie in which this scene appears: 1987's "Back to the Beach," starring Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. "Why-o, why-o, why-o, did I ever leave Ohio?"

Out of the blue, Debbie Gibson is back

Debbie Gibson -- oh, sorry ... Deborah Gibson -- is back and ready to entertain the masses. Whether we like it or not, I guess.

Gibson just signed a deal with Harrah's in Atlantic City, N.J., for a three-week engagement (on May 4-24 for those who seriously are considering going). The announcement on her official website says Debbie will perform her late-80s hits along with Broadway tunes that reprise her many stage roles in the years since her solo career went into much-needed hibernation.

Are you seriously going to make me write a top 5 list for this news update? OK, dinner is served. Today's menu: cotton candy. And no, I don't have any of these on my iTunes. So there's NO WAY I'm looking up the lyrics for these dogs.

TOP 5 SONGS FROM DEBBIE GIBSON'S CATALOG:

5. Only In My Dreams

4. Shake Your Love

3. Out of the Blue

2. Foolish Beat

1. Lost In Your Eyes

[Publicity image from www.deborah-gibson.com]

There goes my metal bikini fixation

The Eighties Revival may have officially died last night: A Wookie-like contestant on American Idol actually wore the infamous Princess Leia metal bikini during his audition.

For all 80s fans -- especially those of the humanoid, male variety -- the image of Carrie Fisher dressed as a slave girl for Jabba The Hutt is sacred to us. It's not to be mocked, satirized or even duplicated without great care and reverence.

When Jennifer Aniston indulged Ross on "Friends" and wore the metallic bikini during foreplay, we gave a polite golf-clap because it was a simple and effective nod to our fetish.

But on Tuesday night, when cheesesteak-enhanced Ben Harr dropped his robe to reveal our beloved Leia outfit, it was as if millions of voice cried out in terror and then were suddenly silenced. Judges Paula, Randy and Simon did the right thing: Ben was immediately exiled to the forest moon of Endor where a thousand Ewoks tore every strand of hair off his chest with their bare teeth.