John Cusack ... the political activist?

Everyone's vote for Mr. 80s -- John Cusack -- is back on the big screen. But this is a role that could catch a lot of long-time fans off guard.

Angry over the war in Iraq, Cusack helped write and stars in "War, Inc." -- a movie set in fictional Turaqistan, a country occupied by an American company called Tamerlane (yet run by a former American vice president), according to Reuters.

The movie -- set to open in late May in New York and Los Angeles -- is strictly low budget, yet it also co-stars big names such as Ben Kingsley, Marisa Tomei and Hilary Duff. (And, of course, his sister Joan Cusack.)

The movie is meant to be satire, Cusack tells Reuters, and even includes "a chorus line of scantily clad female amputees."

"I think the movie should be kind of offensive," Cusack told Reuters. "Sometimes with a serious, somber movie, even though they're great and well intentioned, it just doesn't allow you to be outraged because you just get depressed. This allows you to actually feel like, 'Let's do something subversive.' "

Click here to view the trailer. And like any movie worth seeing, it has its own official website.

[AP photo/First Look Studios]

John Cusack is a "prima donna?"

We've forgiven Australia for so many things: Paul "That's not a knife!" Hogan, Midnight Oil, and even those dreaded Vegemite sandwiches. (Damn you, Men at Work, for implying they were so tasty!)

But now Aussie actor Paul Leyden is spouting off that 80s hero John Cusack is a "prima donna." Unless that's yet another Down Under slang word for "cool, beer-swilling Cubs fan," this means war.

"John Cusack was one of my favorite actors until I met him," Leyden said during a radio interview, according to Australia's Daily Telegraph (which, given the country's odd behavior, could actually be a telegraph instead of a paper). "I have to say one thing - and this is my favorite line when people ask me what I think of John Cusack - he plays nice guys on film. So, read between the lines."

The two worked recently together on the set of "The Factory," a horror movie starring Cusack and written by Leyden that's due for release in 2009.

I know what you're all thinking: "Who the hell is Paul Leyden anyway?" Good question. I had to look it up myself. Leyden's pretty much a journeyman TV actor who has popped up now and again in various shows. He has played the role of "Simon Frasier" in "As The World Turns" for the last few years as well.

In other words, when it comes to reliable commentary about stars like Cusack, Leyden is a few kangaroos short of a zoo, even in a land where "the beer does flow and the men chunder."

To his credit, when the Vegemite hit the fan, Leyden backed down, saying his comments were "lost in translation."

"I feel terrible that I've said something about someone I have absolute admiration and respect for," he told the Herald-Sun. "I was joking around."

"You read 'Treasure Island,' didn't ya?"

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1987's "Hot Pursuit," starring the always lovable John Cusack, who sandwiched this flick between 1986's subpar "One Crazy Summer" and signature performances in 1988's "Eight Men Out" and "Tapeheads." Written and directed by Steven Lisberger, who is credited for the story on 1982's "Tron."

THE PLOT: Prep school student Danny (Cusack) is forced to miss spring break with his girlfriend Lori (Wendy Gazelle) to make up a chemistry test. When his teacher lets him off the hook, Danny races to the Caribbean to catch up to Lori and her family, who are in more danger than anyone could have imagined.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: Robert Loggia as the salty sailor "Mac," who kidnaps the drunken and despondent Cusack and then helps him on his quest.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: Ben Stiller makes his feature film debut in "Hot Pursuit" as the deckhand turned pirate. And he's joined for the first time by his father, Jerry Stiller.

THE TUNES: No soundtrack was released -- probably because there are only two songs in the movie: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by The Nylons and "Lessons in Love" by Level 42.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "From its slow, painful start to its ridiculous, not to mention improbable, ending, Hot Pursuit is tortuously boring." -- Terri Clark, Apollo Movie Guide.

WHY WE LOVE IT ANYWAY: He may not have the greatest dialog to work with, but Cusack's physical comedy is at its very best in "Hot Pursuit." And despite the ups and downs, it's nowhere near the lows of "Must Love Dogs" or "America's Sweethearts" either. Loyal female fans will still feel their hearts flutter when John is on the screen, while guys will enjoy the gymnastic prowess of actress Wendy Gazelle (whose other notable screen appearances were in "The Net" and "The In Crowd.")

TOP 5 LINES FROM HOT PURSUIT:

5. "The name is Dan. They call me ... Mr. Determined."

4. "Row 10, Seat C. Don't you want to see where you were conceived?"

3.  "Don't forget the first rule of sailing: Never p--s into the wind."

2. "Some of us drink from the fountain of knowledge. Others gargle."

1. "You read 'Treasure Island,' didn't you? ... You'll do."

John Cusack speaks!

So as advertised previously, John Cusack joined host James Lipton for this week's "Inside the Actor's Studio" last night on Bravo. At the Stuck in the 80s household, it was a holiday celebration marked by the traditional treats of processed cheese slices and vienna sausages on a toothpick.

How did Cusack do? Ooookay. He was polite. A little quiet. The only 80s movie that got significant attention was "Say Anything." (Class, The Sure Thing and Sixteen Candles were mentioned in passing; no mention of Better Off Dead.)

For his hard-core fans, there wasn't any new ground unearthed during the hour-long interview. So the only real drama was waiting for his answers to the infamous Bernard Pivot questionnaire. So here are Cusack's answers:

1. Favorite word: Kinkajou

2. Least-favorite word: Ferret

3. What turns you on: Energy

4. What turns you off: Passivity

5. Sound or noise you love: A home run

6. Sound or noise you hate: A home run against the Cubs

7. Favorite curse word: (He choose 3 words unprintable here, including the most dreaded of all curse words.)

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? A musician

9. What profession would you not like to do? Anything with a morgue or dead bodies.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "What happened?"

That's not even close to what Lloyd Dobler would say.

10 questions with Lloyd Dobler

Everyone's 80s hero -- John Cusack -- is the guest on Bravo TV's "Inside The Actor's Studio" on Monday, Dec. 3 at 8 p.m. eastern time. (Click here for more information.)

While this may seem like cause for celebration, Cusack has been described as unattached, aloof and disinterested during some TV interviews. He's also notoriously reluctant to talk about his work in the 80s. However, if there's anyone who can bring out the "Lloyd Dobler" in Cusack, it's host James Lipton.

Say what you what about Lipton, but I love his interviews and I'll watch him chat with about any celebrity. Hell, I even watched the entire episode with Hugh Laurie, and I've never seen an episode of the guy's TV show.

Of course, the highlight of every Actor's Studio interview is the final 10 questions originally conceived by French TV personality Bernard Pivot.

I eagerly awake Cusack's real answers. But since we have time to waste ...

HOW 'LLOYD DOBLER' WOULD ANSWER THE BERNARD PIVOT QUESTIONNAIRE:

1.What is your favorite word? "Scam"

2. What is your least favorite word? "College"

3. What turns you on? Diane Court's laugh.

4. What turns you off? My nagging sister.

5. What sound or noise do you love? Peter Gabriel's music.

6. What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of rain on my car.

7. What is your favorite curse word? D--k.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Professional kickboxer, sport of the future.

9. What profession would you not like to do? I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "You're an inspiration, Lloyd."

Most quotable movie lines: The top 20

They're lines you've said a million times -- and will say a million times more. Repeated so often that -- admit it -- you sometimes forget what movie they came from.

Welcome to the final 20 quotes from our epic 80 Most Quotable Movie Lines of the 80s list. They're not the greatest lines from 80s movies -- just the ones that you've quoted the most over the years.

(Click here to see Nos. 21-40, 41-60, 61-80.)

Today's big winner: Fan favorites "Caddyshack" and "Top Gun" -- easily two of the most quoted movies of the last 27 years.

But there are some mind-benders in here as well, including everyone's favorite line from one of John Cusack's most obscure movies.

Enjoy the list. Leave some feedback at the end. Check out the other 60 lines linked above, and always remember ... well, "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you."

80 MOST QUOTABLE MOVIE LINES OF THE 80s: The Top 20

20. "Take me to bed or lose me forever." (Top Gun)

19. "Corn dog!" (Night Shift)

18. "Khhaaaaan!" (Star Trek 2)

17. "Demented and sad, but social." (Breakfast Club)

16. "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you." (Top Gun)

15. "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!" (Caddyshack)

14. "I pity the fool." (Rocky 3)

13. "Bueller?...Bueller?" (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

12."Heeeerrrre's Johnny!" (The Shining)

11. "Go ahead, make my day." (Sudden Impact)

10. "Wax on, wax off." (Karate Kid)

9. "I'll be back" (The Terminator)

8. "Shall we play a game?" (War Games)

7. They're heeere." (Poltergeist)

6. "I must break you!" (Rocky 4)

And the top 5...

5. "Game over, man, game over!" (Aliens): Bill Paxton's bit role in a largely forgettable movie gives him a line for the ages. (And surely a great sound clip for shutting down your computer.)

4. "Be the ball" (Caddyshack): Chevy Chase could have a top 80 list of his very own. But his "Be the ball" advice to Danny in Caddyshack now is a standard piece of advice during any friendly sporting event. ("Where did it land?" "Right in the lumberyard.")

3.  "Yippee Ki-yay, motherf@#$%!!" (Die Hard): Bruce Willis, you dirty dog -- this line can't enjoy its full impact on a family-friendly blog. And I nearly cried when he resurrected it for "Live Free or Die Hard."

2.  "I want my two dollars!" (Better Off Dead): You remember the line, but probably not the character's or actor's full name. (It was "Johnny Gasparini" played by Demian Slade, whose only other memorable role was Frankie Avalon's son in 1987's "Back to the Beach.)

1. "Say hello to my little friend!" (Scarface): The "f-word" is repeated more than 200 times in the 1983 movie, but it's this "little" line by Al Pacino that people always imitate. Why? Because it can be used a hundred different ways -- including as a punchline on a popular gnome t-shirt.

There we are. Let the debate start. What lines are over-hyped? What lines did we leave out?

Please let me check back into the '80s

I'd like to issue a quick and full apology to John Cusack in regards to my recent rant about his latest, disappointing movie performances.

I make the mistake of watching his last movie -- "1408" -- on DVD last night and haven't been able to sleep more than 30 minutes at a time since. Cusack was brilliant, of course, but the horror story of Room 1408 at NYC's Dolphin Hotel ... or as Samuel L. Jackson says, the "evil f---ing room" -- has given me nightmares not to be believed.

I dream of the tiniest yet gruesome details, wake up, curse the movie and try to go back to bed thinking of pleasant things, like a fully body massage from Ione Skye. But 30 minutes later, I thrash around, wake up and want to scream at the mini-bar in my bedroom.

For the record, this is why I hate horror movies. I've never understood the desire of anyone to forfeit a night's sleep in exchange for watching a heart-attack inducing experience that nearly always has a predictable ending. (Sort of the equivalent of eating the Spears family dish of pork and sauerkraut -- only without the late charges.)

TOP 5 LINES FROM "1408" (and please let me sleep now):

5. "Eight dollars for Beer Nuts? This room is evil!"

4. "I stopped being afraid of vampires when I was 12. Do you know why I can stay in your spooky old room, Mr. Olin? Because I know that ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties... don't exist."

3. "Finally! Something to for me to write about! A ghost that offers turn down service!"

2. "You can choose to repeat this hour over and over again, or you can take advantage of our express checkout system."

1. "Stay scared."

Where's 'Lloyd' when we need him most?

Our hero John Cusack has a new flick out -- the name goes something like "Martian Child" or "Julia Child" or some variation thereof. Will the Stuck in the 80s go see it? Probably. We need our Cusack fix any way we can get it.

But let me ask you this? How much longer do we have to wait for another brilliant Cusack movie from days of yore? And I don't even mean exclusively 80s here. I'll take another "High Fidelity" over "Must Love Dogs" any day. Give me another "Max" over "Serendipity." And I'll go as far as to take "Pushing Tin" over "America's Sweethearts."

I know the 41-year-old Cusack isn't going to get any choice "Lloyd Dobler" roles in the near future. That role in 1989's "Say Anything" has to be put up high on a shelf, under glass, for future teen actors to drool over.

One popular story on the blogs has it that a girl once came up to Cusack in a bar after "Say Anything" came out and asked him, "Are you Lloyd?" Cusack's reply: "On my better days."

Sappy romantic-comedies seem to be the fate of poor Dobler these days. Much against his character's creed, Cusack is now left with a job of selling anything, buying anything or processing anything. With Martian Child, he's probably selling something bought or processing something sold, buying something sold or processed ... you get the picture.

Come on, Cusack! Try kick-boxing ... sport of the future!

TOP 5 FAVORITE ROLES OF JOHN CUSACK:

5. Rob Gordon (High Fidelity): "I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have s--t for brains. "

4. Buck Weaver (Eight Men Out): "Those fellas are all gone now."

3. Walter Gibson (The Sure Thing): "Didn't you ever get really s--tfaced and maybe make a complete fool of yourself and still have an excellent time?"

2. Lane Meyer (Better Off Dead): "Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky."

1. Lloyd Dobler (Say Anything): "If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?"

Best music-movie moments: the Top 10

The list of the 20 best music moments in 80s movies continues today with the top 10 songs. (Click here to see nos. 11 through 20.)

Remember the main criteria: The song has to be almost inseparable from the movie in which it appears. Unfortunately, "Melt with You" by Modern English is inseparable from a Taco Bell commercial these days. (You corporate heathens! Just because we love your gooey Mexican treats doesn't mean you can rape the 80s music catalog for jingles!)

So without further profanity, I give you..

THE BEST MUSIC IN MOVIES MOMENTS OF THE 80s: The Top 10

10. "Old Time Rock N' Roll" (Bob Seger) in Risky Business: Tom Cruise -- in sunglasses and underwear -- in possibly the most parodied music scene in movie history. And that's why it falls to No. 10 on the list. (You could also take Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" for this spot.)

9. "Just Once" (James Ingram) in Last American Virgin: Poor Gary can't catch a break with Karen. And he'll burst into tears every time he hears this song.

8. "Melt With You" (Modern English) in Valley Girl: The perfect tune for the dating montage scene between Randy and Julie. It also plays as they head to the Valley Sheraton at the end.

7. "Any Way You Want It" (Journey) in Caddyshack: Rodney Dangerfield was a god in this movie. And only God would have a golf bag that played a Journey tune. "So what?!? So let's dance!"

6. "Wild Thing" (X) from Major League: Originally written by Chip Taylor in 1965, it plays while "Wild Thing" Ricky Vaughn (Charlie Sheen) comes out of the bullpen.

5. "Everybody Wants to Rule The World" (Tears For Fears) in Real Genius: Professor Hathaway's house explodes with popcorn and Val Kilmer enjoys the last truly great comedy he made. (Until the sequel, we hope.)

4. "You Lost That Loving Feeling" (Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards) in Top Gun: The sad thing is that this humiliating moment only bought Maverick the chance to buy Kelly McGillis a beer.

3. "Moving in Stereo" (The Cars) in Fast Times at Ridgemont High: Oddly enough, even though it's the most famous scene in the movie, the song was not included in the original soundtrack.

2. "Try a Little Tenderness" (Otis Redding) in Pretty in Pink: Jon Cryer's career took off after he slaps the floor while lip-syncing this in the record story. Yet Andie still picks Blane. There's no justice in this world.

1. "In Your Eyes" (Peter Gabriel) in Say Anything: It cost director Cameron Crowe big money to get the rights to this song for his movie. Money well spent, Mr. Crowe. We may have to live another 100 years to find a scene as touching as when Lloyd Dobler plays the tune on the boombox over his head. He gave her his heart, and she gave him a pen. But Gabriel and Crowe gave us "the song."

Hey, Hollywood ... Try these next!

It's nearly the middle of summer -- Fourth of July weekend is upon us -- and so our minds turn to the multiplexes across America, wondering: Where are the sequels that we REALLY want to see?

Bruce Willis has his latest version of Die Hard out, and Times film critic Steve Persall says it's a throwback classic in his review. But isn't that really a Christmas season movie? What we need are some good ole fashioned sequels to '80s classics. I'm one step ahead of you.

TOP 10 MOVIES FROM THE '80s THAT NEED A SEQUEL:

10. Fast Times at Ridgemont High: I know 1984's "The Wild Life" was sequel of sorts, but don't you want to know what became of Jeff Spicoli after 25 years? I'm guessing he's the shop teacher and runs the David Lee Roth page on MySpace. "People on 'ludes should not drive."

9. Beverly Hills Cop: It's had two sorry sequels. But the original is the single source of power for the once-proud Eddie Murphy. And after "Norbit" and "Pluto Nash," I think it's time for Eddie to return to his roots. "Is this the gentleman who ruined the buffet at the Harrow club this morning?"

8. Caddyshack: Please, somebody do something to remove the taste in our mouths after "Caddyshack 2." Bring back Kenny Loggins for the title song. And let's find out what happened to "Danny" (Michael O'Keefe). But please keep Bill Murray's brother (Brian Doyle-Murray) running the caddyshack. "Pick up that blood!"

7. Valley Girl: A Nic Cage film that doesn't involve explosions? Yeah, think waaay back to the 80s. My guess is that even Deborah Foreman ("Julie") would come out of hiding to reprise her greatest role."Yeah, but Tommy can be such a dork, ya know? Like he's got the bod, but his brains are bad news."

6. The Breakfast Club: Answer the question once and for all -- what happens to the kids when they return to school on Monday? I'm hoping that writing a sequel is the real reason that director John Hughes has been laying low for so long. "We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all."

5. Sixteen Candles: From all reports, a sequel to this classic almost did happen. But to truly find out what happened to Samantha (Molly Ringwald) and her dreamy boyfriend, you'll have to rescue Michael Schoeffling ("Jake") from his job making furniture in Pennsylvania. (Sadly, I'm not joking.) "Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion."

4. Victory: The ultimate soccer/war/escape movie of the '80s. The only one in fact. I figure Sylvester Stallone can return -- Rambo style -- to free to rest of his fellow POW's (and maybe organize a camp softball team to play against the Soviet national team for when the war is over). "This frigging game is ruining my life."

3. War Games: I figure "David Lightman" (Matthew Broderick) could be running a huge software company these days, fighting the Justice Department over its business practices, hanging about rock stars and being named Time Magazine's man of the year. Nah, too unrealistic. " Is it a game... or is it real?"

2. Better Off Dead: One of the most underrated movies of the 80s can become the most overhyped sequel of our times, thanks to the star power of John Cusack. But unless they bring back Diane Franklin ("Monique"), Dan Schneider ("Ricky") and Curtis Armstrong ("Charles"), we're all better off dead. "Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn."

1. Blade Runner: I was screaming for a sequel before the credits even rolled on the original flick. Do Deckard and Rachael live happily ever after? Plus, Rutger Hauer and Sean Young could use the work. "I need ya, Deck. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic."

Hey, special thanks to IMDB.com for linking to this post. Here are some other similar lists:

• Best kissing scenes from 80s movies
• Best patriotic movies of the 80s
• Top 20 guys movies
• Top 10 mob movies from the 80s

The Great 80s Kiss-Off

OK, so my argument that Some Kind of Wonderful's Hardy Jenns is the Best John Hughes Villain has been universally defeated by the 80s Nation. I'm not going to take defeat lightly.

Today's argument: The kissing scene between Watts (Mary Stuart Masterson) and Keith (Eric Stoltz) in the same movie is the hottest make-out scene of any 80s flick. Right? ("And we're gonna destroy Lincoln tonight ... alllriiiiight?")

You want a list, don't you? OK...

Top 5 Make-Out Scenes in 80s Movies:

5. THE PRINCESS BRIDE (1987)
The participants: Wesley (Cary Elwes) and Buttercup (Robin Wright Penn)
The location: Outside Prince Humperdinck's castle
Music: "Happy Ending" (Mark Knopfler)
Why it's not No. 1: Any make-out scene narrated by Peter Falk isn't going to win.

4. RISKY BUSINESS (1983)
The participants: Joel (Tom Cruise) and Lana (Rebecca De Mornay)
The location: Joel's living room (and staircase ... and bedroom...)
Music: "Lana" (Tangerine Dream)
Why it's not No. 1: Joel had to pay for it. Ouch.

3. VALLEY GIRL (1983)
The participants: Randy (Nicolas Cage) and Julie (Deborah Foreman)
The location: Backseat of Fred's car.
Music: "Time To Win" (Gary Myrick & The Figures)
Why it's not No. 1: The atmosphere ... Fred chases Stacey around the car while Randy tries to convince Julie he isn't a stalker. Otherwise, it has "Let's make punk rock babies" written all over it.

2. SAY ANYTHING (1989)
The participants: Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) and Diane (Ione Skye)
The location: In the rain
Music: "In Your Eyes" (Peter Gabriel)
Why it's not No. 1: You can see the whole "You're going to dump me and give me a pen, aren't you?" in Lloyd's face. You need a stopwatch to measure the time from kiss to kiss-off here. Ione, you wench!

1. SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL (1986)
The participants: Watts and Keith
The location: Gas station garage where Keith works
Music: "She Loves Me" (Stephen Duffy)
Why it's No. 1: Spontaneity. Longevity. Music that's -- dare I say? -- classic. Pardon the Journey pun, but lots of lovin', touchin' and feelin'. Throw in the whole "Whoa, I'm suddenly making out with my tomboy best friend who's really a smokin' hot drummer vixen" factor, and dinner is served.

OK, what's your opinion? Am I right or am I right? What other classic 80s scenes do you think belong on the list?

[Thanks to: Filmsite.org, IMDB.com, Somekindofwonderful.org]

Hollywood's most famous sister?

Joan Cusack, the sister of John Cusack, turns 44 years old today. And maybe as a birthday present, I'll stop referring to her as the second-half of the Cusack Dynasty. After all, she's got a impressive list of film credits of her own. And while she rarely steps in the lead spotlight, her films are largely as entertaining as her brother's.

If I had a little bit more moxy today, I could even suggest she's more talented than John. Nah, the Stuck in the 80s gang is hopelessly devoted to All Things John. But we still get a kick out of seeing Joan and John star in the same flicks.

So how about two Top 5 lists today? And because I think of J&J as both being eternally part of the 80s, I'm opening the lists to movies from any decade.

Top 5 films starring Joan and Joan Cusack:
5. Class: They're both credited with roles here. John's easy to pick out. Joan, not so much.
4. High Fidelity: Joan plays the mutual friend of the broken-up couple. Her best lines can't be repeated in this family-friendly blog.
3. Gross Pointe Blank: Joan books the hits for John. They're never in the same room.
2. Sixteen Candles: They both played geeks. Joan outshines John here as the girl in the neck brace.
1. Say Anything: Brother and sister in the movie too. Director Cameron Crowe brings out the best in his two co-stars.

Top 5 Joan Cusack films:
5. Broadcast News: "Except for socially, you're my role model."
4. School of Rock: "I've just been informed that all your children are missing."
3. In & Out: "I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!"
2. Say Anything: "There's no food in your food."
1. Working Girl: "Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather!"

Tom Cruise is fired. Now what?

Tom Cruise's career has officially jumped the couch. Paramount Pictures has decided to end its longtime relationship with Cruise's production company after the star's recent bizarre behavior. We're shocked ... SHOCKED!

And very, very happy. Hollywood -- I almost love you again. And since you seem open to suggestion, here are a couple more...

Top 5 Ways to Fix The Movie Industry:

5. Sever your ties with some more overrated phonies -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Hayden Christensen, Harrison Ford, Nicole Kidman and Keanu Reeves.

4. No more musicians or athletes in leading roles in any more movies. Call this the Madonna/Shaquille O'Neal Rule.

3. We've had enough movies about cops, fire-fighters, lawyers and dance schools. New rule: Anyone pitching a movie about one of those topics is locked in a closet with a rabid wolverine. After an hour, if they still want to pitch it, let's talk.

2. Bring back the entire cast of St. Elmo's Fire for a sequel -- with the exception of Andrew McCarthy and Demi Moore. (Have the screenwriters write a side-plot in which they were both eaten by grizzly bears 5 years ago.)

1. Find the writer of a successful blog about the 80s, and offer this deserving person a seven-figure deal to write a touching yet hilarious movie about his 20-year class reunion. Budget enough money to lure John Cusack for the lead role. Bring back John Hughes to direct and choose the music - with the stipulation that the movie can't have his stereotypical and improbable happy ending. Because no class reunion has a happy ending. Sit back and rake in the cash.

John Cusack is 40?

If our hero of the 80s -- the one, true symbol of all that was once good -- turns 40, does that mean it's officially time for us 80s addicts to grow up and accept modern reality?

Heck no! John Cusack turned 40 earlier this week, but I unfortunately missed celebrating the exact date (Wednesday, June 28). But I felt a disturbance in the force, as if a thousand bands from John Hughes movie soundtracks cried out and were suddenly silenced. ("Bring on the dancing horses.....")

Usually, this would be the time for me to plod on endlessly about how much we love the guy and quote his movie lines to death ("Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kind of guy you can trust, the kind of guy you can drink a beer with, the kind of guy who doesn't mind if you puke in his car, Nick.")

Instead, let me refer you to some of the great posts already written about Mr. Cusack. Click then, read them, savor them:
-- Lloyd Dobler vs. Jake Ryan
-- Sometimes, you're Better Off Dead
-- A study ... in moppishness
-- And my all-time fave: Everything I Need to Know in Life, I Learned From a John Cusack movie.

And, not merely content to constrain a Cusack list to only 5 items, the Top 10 movies by John Cusack:
10. The Grifters (1990): "Nobody does that single-o."
9. Tapeheads (1988): "You look ravishing and I'd like to chew on your thighs."
8. Gross Pointe Blank (1997): "I was hired to kill you. But I'm not going to. It's either because I'm in love with your daughter or I have a newfound respect for life."
7. The Sure Thing (1985): "How would you like to have a sexual experience so intense it could conceivably change your political views?"
6. True Colors (1991): "They say great men are embraced by thousands of strangers. I wanna be great."
5. Eight Men Out (1988): "Those fellas are all gone now."
4. Say Anything (1989):  "I am looking for a dare to be great situation."
3. Better Off Dead (1985): "Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky."
2. Max (2002): "Come on Hitler, I'll buy you a glass of lemonade."
1. High Fidelity (2000): "What came first, the music or the misery?"

(Nominate Stuck in the 80s for the annual Podcast Awards. Click here)

Ideal boyfriend: Jake Ryan or Lloyd Dobbler?

It's the heavyweight title fight of the decade -- only the decade was 20 years ago. Two characters that evenly divide legions of American females who grew up dreaming that one or the other was their perfect boyfriend. But who really wins out if we force the ladies to choose?

In this corner, from the mighty city of Seattle, Washington, wearing a trench coat and Phish t-shirt .... Lloyd Dobbler! And in this corner, from fictional Shermer, Illinois, wearing a sweater vest and hiking boots ... Jake Ryan!

Let's go to the stats:

Movies:
Lloyd: Say Anything (1989) features sensitive Lloyd, directed by the soon-to-be famous Cameron Crowe. It would be Cusack's last teen movie.
Jake: Sixteen Candles (1984) offers Jake Ryan (Michael Schoeffling), who can score any chick in Shermer High. Directed by the ultimate 80s director, John Hughes. Schoeffling had only one big movie left in him after this -- Vision Quest. (Sadly, no one considers his "Kuch" character as the ideal boyfriend.)
Advantage: Even


Significant other:
Lloyd: Completely devoted to Diane Court, played by Ione Sky -- easily the sexiest female character of the 80s. Any decade really.
Jake: Ditches the prom queen for Samantha Baker, played by Molly Ringwald, who hasn't quite reached her prime at this point.
Advantage: Lloyd

Fashion:
Lloyd: T-shirts, baggy Army pants and a trench coat. Perfect for a night out with the guys at the Gas N' Sip. But a fixer-upper project for potential girlfriends.
Jake: There's a reason Schoeffling was a male model before and after this movie -- he looks good in anything. But sticking to preppy outfits is a smart move.
Advantage: Jake

Signature line:
Lloyd: "Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault."
Jake: "Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish."
Advantage: Even again -- it just depends on whether you like your men talky or not.

So there you go. There's no clear winner when you stack them up against each other. So, ladies, you're going to have to go with your heart.

Pick a winner and tell us why: Is it Jake or Lloyd that wins your love as perfect boyfriend?

"Sometimes you're Better Off Dead"

That headline sounds insensitive, and that's why back in 1985 it was canned by the studio execs when reviewing the promotional materials for the film Better Off Dead. (It was changed to "Relax, you're never Better Off Dead." What wimps.)

This week's Stuck in the 80s podcast on Better Off Dead is now online! Download it now. And stop putting it off -- just subscribe to us via iTunes and your life will be complete.

Here's some trivia about the movie that 80s addicts love so much:
-- John Cusack, who starred in the film, hated this movie and considers it one of his worst performances. (He also hates One Crazy Summer, which like Better Off Dead was directed by Savage Steve Holland.)
-- Impersonator Rich Little provides the voice of the Asian brothers who talk like Howard Cosell. (Little also does the Barney Rubble voice later in the movie.)
-- Diane Franklin, who plays Monique, might be best known as "Karen" in Last American Virgin. She also appears as the step-mom in How I Got Into College, the 1989 movie directed by Holland, and as a princess in 1989's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
-- Amanda Wyss, who plays fickle girlfriend Beth, also played the first victim of Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street. She also plays Judge Reinhold's girlfriend Lisa in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
-- The math teacher is played by the late Vincent Schiavelli, who played Mr. Vargas in Fast Times.
-- The cartoons that Cusack draws in both Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer are actually drawn by director Savage Steve Holland.
-- Elizabeth Daily, a.k.a E. G. Daily, who co-starred in Valley Girl, plays herself in Better Off Dead, singing the title song at the school dance, which happened to take place on the same set as the school dance in 16 Candles.
-- Dan Schneider, who plays nasal-spray-addicted Ricky, later played one of the students on the 80s TV series "Head of the Class."
-- Better Off Dead is given tribute in two separate episodes of South Park, largely because creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are reportedly huge fans of the movie.
-- The network TV version of the film excludes three scenes: Charles DeMar snorting jello, Cusack with the Q-tips, and Badger with the women in his room.

One last unbelievable piece of trivia. The Camaro that Cusack and Franklin fix up in the movie is now owned by a rabid fan of the movie. It took years of phone calls and crawling through DMV records. Get the whole story at the website -- ta-dah! -- www.betteroffdeadcamaro.com.

Better Off Dead: "A study in moppishness"

Mention the movie Better Off Dead, and my mind returns to the summer of 1986 when I worked as a sales clerk at a small video store in Tampa Bay. It was a small store, so I usually worked alone and rented out maybe 30 or 40 videos in a given day.

That summer, Back to the Future was the top rented movie. Our store had only two copies to rent. Unfortunately, I "lent" a copy out free to the pizza store next door in order to get free lunch one day -- one tape equaled one medium pie -- and didn't see the tape again for a month. So instead of making excuses for our lack of inventory, I instead offered up "Better Off Dead" -- an odd comedy featuring John Cusack as he recovers from the loss of a girlfriend with the help of a drug-crazed friend, creepy neighbors and an exchange student from France.

"It's so good," I promised customers, "that if you don't like it, you don't have to pay for it." Never once did anyone ask for a refund.

Side story: One day, the former football coach of my rival high school came in. Not expecting to be recognized, he asked me for a recommendation for a good porn tape. I can't print the name of the film I suggested, but imagine his surprise when I addressed him as "Coach (insert last name here)" when showing it to him. He rented it anyway, and became a good customer that summer. Among his non x-rated rentals, Better Off Dead was his favorite too.

So back to the movie in question....

Pop quiz: Yes or no ... Is "Better Off Dead" the best John Cusack movie of the 80s? Or is it just the most quotable? Is his character Lane Meyer more lovable than his Lloyd Dobbler character in Say Anything or his "Gib" from The Sure Thing?

What makes "Better Off Dead" such itself a classic? The direction by Savage Steve Holland? He also directed "One Crazy Summer" with Cusack, but few people attach much love to that.

Help us answer these questions as we tackle the great and almighty "Better Off Dead" in this week's Stuck in the 80s podcast.

Everything I Know I Learned From a John Cusack Movie

Soon to be my hardcover bestselling novel, featuring proven truths such as:

-- Give a girl your heart, she'll give you a pen. (Say Anything)

-- The best defense is a good offense (Hot Pursuit)

-- If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there. (Gross Pointe Blank)

-- Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way ... turn. (Better Off Dead)

-- I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have *&^# for brains. (High Fidelity)

-- To hold on to sanity too tight is insane. (Pushing Tin)

-- We may not always get what we want. We may not always get what we need. Just so's we don't get what we deserve. (True Colors)

-- Freedom, choices, possibilities. That's what I'm about. (Tapeheads)

-- What the hell's wrong with being stupid once in awhile? Does everything you do always have to be sensible? (The Sure Thing)

Lloyd Dobbler, all right...

Remember "Say Anything"? Of course you do. John Cusack plays Lloyd Dobbler, a character by which every girl would measure their boyfriends against. Ione Sky is "golden girl" Diane Court, the impossibly unobtainable object of his affection. But does that stop our boy Lloyd? Not as long as he has Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" on his boom box!

It's the first movie directed by genius film god Cameron Crowe, and it's -- dare I say -- a CLASSIC 80s flick. And it's the subject of our "Stuck in the 80s" podcast this week.

This might be the first time Gina and I actually agree on a topic, so don't miss it.

In the meantime, a question: Best male character in an 80s movie -- Lloyd Dobbler (Say Anything), Ferris Bueller (Ferris Bueller's Day Off) or Ducky Dale (Pretty in Pink)?

Where have you gone, Mr. Cusack?

Say what you want about Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks or Molly Ringwald. To some of us, the great movies of the 80s belong to our Chi-town buddy John Cusack. His latest flick, Must Love Dogs, just came out. The buzz so far is that it's a little more mainstream than the titles that earned him a loyal cult following (Better Off Dead, High Fidelity, etc). It earned an above average review from the Times. But decide for yourself.

In the meantime, here's my top 5 must-see Cusack film gems:
1) Better Off Dead: "I'm really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky."
2) The Sure Thing: "Who invented liquid soap and why?"
3) High Fidelity: "If you really wanted to screw me up, you should have gotten to me earlier!"
4) True Colors: "Don't ... get ... caught."
5) Say Anything: "I hearby surrender my duties as keymaster."

This week's trivia question: Name the first movie in which John co-starred with his sister Joan.