Totally tubular: All '80s music videos, all holiday weekend!

VH1 Classic is playing the '80s Videos: A to Z all Memorial Day weekend, thus ensuring there is absolutely no reason for any of us to leave the couch.

I love weekend specials like this, mainly because you get really odd pairings like Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn followed by Wang Chung's Everyone Have Fun Tonight.

Of course, if you stuck with music that just reminded us of summer ...

Don't forget our epic podcast about the music and movies of the summer. It's my absolute favorite episode of Stuck in the '80s.

Top 5 underrated classics from the '80s

Underrated classics from the '80s always fire up a real Stuck in the '80s fan. Today's guest blogger is Crystal Cole, a student at USF St. Petersburg majoring in English. When she's not writing poetry, she moonlights as an expert karaoke singer whenever it's '80s night.

If you're like me, there are a select few (or maybe a whole boatload!) of songs that made you stop and wonder: "Why the heck didn't this tune top the charts?!?" I've channeled my rage into today's top 5 list: an ode to underrated, less-well-known, obscure, and yet bad-ass songs of the '80s.

TOP 5 UNDERRATED SONGS OF THE '80s:

5. CRY LITTLE SISTER (Gerard McMann): The Lost Boys theme song ... are you kidding me? This tune epitomizes the dark side of the '80s culture. [Listen]

4. ALIVE AND KICKING (Simple Minds): Both musically dynamic and lyrically catchy, this song is a perfect example of radio stations just ignoring a song that should have been a smash hit. [Video]

3. WHITE HEAT (Madonna): Ya gotta love Mo's intro as she gives a big shout-out to the James Cagney film by the same name in this "Don't mess with my love" anthem. [Live performance]

2. MYSTIFY (INXS): In my opinion ...THE most underrated song INXS ever released! [Live performance]

1. LULLABY (The Cure): This haunting, yet sensual piece by Robert Smith and the boys is one of my absolute all-time favorite songs! [Video]

Is this the creepiest music video of the '80s?

The Cure's Robert Smith, 50 years old today, is eaten by a spider in Lullaby. And you wonder why people in the '80s generation have sleep issues.

But is Lullaby really the creepiest video of the '80s? Here are five more candidates:

SLEDGEHAMMER (Peter Gabriel): Groundbreaking? Sure. But defeathered, dancing chickens are partly what led me to become a vegetarian. [Watch it]

LAND OF CONFUSION (Genesis): Yes, most of know the disturbing puppet imagery is from the U.K. sketch TV show Spitting Image. Still, Phil Collins looks more like Jabba the Hutt. "This Mike Rutherford guy is my kind of scum: fearless and inventive." [Watch it]

ROCK ME TONITE (Billy Squier): Squier is a hard-rocking, guitar god that any '80s fans should crawl through broken glass to see play live. But his career imploded when this video hit MTV. [Watch it]

MISSIONARY MAN (The Eurythmics): Jerky robot effects! Stop it! Because it reminds us of the last video on today's list. [Watch it]

ROCKIT (Herbie Hancock): Seriously, this video is to a closet what Jaws was to the open water. After watching trousers come to life and dance on their own, I dressed myself from a laundry basket until I was 25. [Watch it]

Okay, let's name all the other creepy videos of the '80s. This should be a list befitting the longest sustained groan from the Stuck in the '80s nation since the reunion of New Kids on the Block.

Stephen King can't get these '80s songs out of his head

Earworms  -- or songs that you can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try -- are the worst. (Of course, you can always use the patented Stuck in the '80s cure: Sing the theme to TV's A-Team. It rarely fails.)

Entertainment Weekly features a column by author Stephen King, who this week professes that he's haunted by several earworms from the '80s. Here are the culprits:

MICKEY (Toni Basil): Yeah, that one makes sense. A brutally brain-burrowing ditty. I'm sure Toni herself would issue a sweeping apology if she wasn't still rolling around in the royalties.

TAINTED LOVE (Soft Cell): This one gets me too, but it's not necessarily Soft Cell's version. It's Dan Aykroyd singing it on Remulak in 1993's Coneheads. [See the clip]

RELAX (Frankie Goes to Hollywood): Really? Seriously, of any potential earworms, this one didn't exactly burn up the radio dial. I can think of only two ways you'd hear this song too much. Either King just scored a vintage copy of Welcome to the Pleasuredome on vinyl, or he's watching Zoolander too much on cable. [See the clip]

So what are the worst '80s earworms? Leave a comment and I'll build an uber-list for the blog. My personal ones: Always On My Mind by the Pet Shop Boys (which is also what people hear when they call my cell phone), Grey Matter by Oingo Boingo, Take It On The Run by REO Speedwagon. (Heard it from a friend whoooo, heard it from a friend whooo ... aaaargh!)

Dexy tops list of '80s one-hit wonders

VH1 has aired its special on the 100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the '80s, so we now have the final, complete list.

Anyone bet on Dexy's Midnight Runners? "Well, we haven't heard the last from them," Homer Simpson once said when his barbershop quartet -- the B Sharps -- beat out Dexy for a Grammy.

Here's the full list of 100 songs (click the link below for Nos. 21-100). And you can still catch VH1's special on reruns. Check your local listings for time and channel. Click the song links to see the music video from VH1 or YouTube. And drop a comment giving your take on what VH1 whiffed on.

100 GREATEST ONE-HIT WONDERS OF THE '80s:

1. Dexy's Midnight Runners: “Come on Eileen”

2. Flock of Seagulls: “I Ran (So Far Away)”

3. A-Ha: “Take On Me”

4. Tommy Tutone: “867-5309 / Jenny”

5. Soft Cell: “Tainted Love”

6. Toni Basil: “Mickey”

7. Modern English: “I Melt With You”

8. Bow Wow Wow: “I Want Candy”

9. Kajagoogoo: “Too Shy”

10. Frankie Goes to Hollywood: “Relax”

11. Gary Numan: “Cars”

12. Animotion: “Obsession”

13. Thomas Dolby: “She Blinded Me With Science”

14. Big Country: “In A Big Country”

15. Devo: “Whip It”

16. Nena: “99 Luft Balloons”

17. Men Without Hats: “The Safety Dance”

18. Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock: “It Takes Two”

19. Dead or Alive: “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)”

20. Rockwell: “Somebody’s Watching Me”

VH1 celebrates '80s one-hit wonders

Good news, '80s couch potatoes: VH1 is set to premiere its a new series geared especially for us: 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the '80s.

The program will run Tuesday, March 31, through Friday, April 3, at 10 o'clock each night. It's also set to run on VH1 Classic from April 13 to April 17.

30 Rock star Judah Friedlander is the host (Odd choice. What? They couldn't get Frank Stallone or Toni Basil?). According to the cable network, VH1.com viewers picked the top 100 by voting for their favorite one-hit wonders over the past month.

VH1 isn't giving away the list yet, but promises "unforgettable video clips, footage and performances, plus exclusive, new interviews with the decade's best one hit wonders." Some of the names they throw around include: Stacey Q, Animotion, Musical Youth, Georgia Satellites, E.U., The Mary Jane Girls, Vixen, Nu Shooz, Alannah Myles, Thomas Dolby, Kajagoogoo, Bow Wow Wow and A Flock of Seagulls.

I'm okay with about 90 percent of that list, but if they're going to make cases for Dolby and Seagulls, VH1 and I are going to have issues.

Of course, if you want the professional version of One-Hit Wonders, just check out the Stuck in the '80s podcasts. We did our top 10 one-hit wonders for every year in the decade. 1980 | 1981 | 1982 | 1983 | 1984 | 1985 | 1986 | 1987 | 1988 | 1989

Like a virgin? Not a chance, Lindsay

This is enough to almost make me feel sorry for Madonna. Actor and should-be tobacco industry spokeswoman Lindsay Lohan has re-created the Material Girl's famous "Like A Virgin" performance at the 1984 MTV Video Music Awards for the latest issue of Glamour magazine.

(Don't ask me how I found out about this. And I know I've said snarking is sooo 2007 and that I'd never talk about Madonna again. But can we throw out the rules just this one time?)

"When I was little, every day after school I would come home and put in her The Immaculate Collection disc and karaoke to it around the whole house," Lohan told the magazine.

The photo shoot was part of a series of celebrities portraying female icons of the last seven decades for Glamour's 70th anniversary issue.

[Photo by Brigitte Lacombe for Glamour]

Still Monkee-ing around

The Monkees aren't an '80s invention. But they did experience a reinvention in the '80s.

MTV began airing reruns of the TV show in 1985, just in time for a Monkees 20th anniversary tour (which I caught at Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater). The band marked the occasion by releasing a new song -- the pleasant That Was Then, This Is Now, which climbed to No. 20 on the charts in '86. It became one of five singles released during the '80s and gave a whole new generation of kids a chance to see "Beatles Lite" all over again.

Drummer/singer Micky Dolenz is still out there, carrying the Monkees banner while the rest of the group awaits their next reunion tour offer. I had a chance to chat with him earlier this week before a series of shows at Tampa's Busch Gardens. Here are the highlights:

Between standing in line for the Kumba and the Congo River Rapids, what can fans hear at Busch Gardens this week? 

"They're going to hear all the Monkees' hits for starters, most of which I sang originally. I do them just as people remember them. Then I sprinkle the rest of the show with stories -- like Jimi Hendrix once being our opening act."

A similar thing happened back in '86 when the Monkees played in Clearwater. You had Herman's Hermits and the Grass Roots as opening acts. None of the kids in the audience knew who they were

[Laughs] "It's happened before! There are classic stories about Guns N' Roses opening for the Rolling Stones and everyone yelling "Get off!" Those stories go back a long, long time."

'80s headlines for 2009

The new year is barely a week old and already I'm thinking of 2010, when I can write up a brilliant (and largely unappreciated) summary of the '80s-related news of 2009. Here are just some of the headlines I'm hoping for:

• MTV returns to pre-1985 programming schedule
• Oingo Boingo reunites for annual Halloween show in Tampa Bay
• Martha Quinn joins as full-time co-host of Stuck in the '80s podcast
• Police burn stash of Members Only jackets found in Detroit suburb
• Members Only fan club burns stash of Police albums found in Detroit suburb
• John Cusack agrees to sequels for Say Anything, Better Off Dead, The Sure Thing
• Annabeth Gish becomes assistant '80s blogger for tampabay.com
• Vegas Girlfriend becomes Vegas Roommate
• Brat Pack to star in modern remake of Chariots of Fire
• Ione Skye agrees to become assistant to assistant '80s blogger for tampabay.com
• ZZ Top members wake up in Clearwater hotel and find beards shaved
• Times pop music critic survives miracle beard transplant surgery; thanks ZZ Top
• Madonna calls it quits from music career; 'I suck now' she confesses
• Bryan Adams releases box set of '80s hits, tentatively called "I'm sorry, Steve. I do love the '80s."

Anybody else have an '80s wish for 2009?

Can you underrate Duran Duran?

Let's all agree on this: When it comes to Duran Duran in the '80s, there ARE no underrated songs. Each is a pop moment captured in time. From Planet Earth in 1981 all the way through Burning the Ground from 1989.

But when it came to choosing the top 5 little-known classics from there on, in preparation for this week's Andy Taylor podcast, I had to turn to the expert: "Vegas Girlfriend."

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to be a hard-core Duranie after Live Aid? Having to constantly deny rumors of breakups?" she cried out last night via e-mail. (Obligatory male response: "Yes, yes, of course, you're right. Here, I'm uploading a virtual dozen roses for you to look at.")

Here are her picks, with links to videos, along with her reasoning verbatim:

BREATH AFTER BREATH (1993, The Wedding Album): "Beautiful song, about how precious life is. Milton Nascimento is the guest vocalist on this song, he is apparently huge in Brazil, friend of Warren Cucurillo's." [Watch it]

SOMEONE ELSE NOT ME (2000, Pop Trash): "First video ever done entirely in Flash, very sad song, but a lovely song nonetheless." [Watch it]

ELECTRIC BARBARELLA (1997, Medazzaland): "I frickin' love this song - fun, sexy, great beat, hot censored video, everything that DD stands for. Plus, it's a nod to the roots of the band's name, and it's a song about a sex doll, which I'm sure is somewhat of a tribute to In Every Dream Home a Heartache by Roxy Music. First single to be sold online.'' [Watch it]

LAND (1988, Big Thing]: "I like this one because it's about being separated from the person you love. Plus it reminds me of Simon out sailing on his boat." [Watch it]

ALL ALONG THE WATER (1990, Liberty): "Totally lusty song, completely danceable, classic DD." [Listen]

Honorable mentions: 

UMF (1993, The Wedding Album): "You're all over this one." [Watch it]

FALLING DOWN (2007, Red Carpet Massacre): "You know I am obsessed with this song, not sure why, something about it." [Watch it]

BEAUTIFUL COLOURS: "It was supposed to be on Astronaut (2004), but never made it. DD donated it to FIFA, the organization that runs the World Cup - they had this big Centennial event and played this song at the ceremony - fun catchy song.'' [Watch it]

[AP photo]