The Big Easy: 'If I can't have you, can I have my gator?'

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1987's The Big Easy, which is appropriate because this is automatically publishing on my blog at the very minute my plane is expected to land in New Orleans. The film stars Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin who both, according to IMDB.com, consider this their favorite film.

THE PLOT: A homicide detective (Quaid) has two problems: solving a series of gang killings and fighting off a police corruption investigation led by a lovely attorney from the D.A.'s office (Barkin).

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: Jim Garrison, the judge in Quaid's bribery case, is an actual judge in New Orleans and played himself. He was the subject of Oliver Stone's 1991 film JFK (where he was played by Kevin Costner).

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: New Orleans is practically a co-star in the film, with scenes shot in prominent locations such as Tipitina's and Antoine's. Ironically, the film was supposed to be set in Chicago and be called Windy City.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "The Big Easy is one of the richest American films of the year. It also happens to be a great thriller. I say 'happens,' because I believe the plot of this movie is only an excuse for its real strength: the creation of a group of characters so interesting, so complicated and so original they make a lot of other movie people look like paint-by-number characters." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times.

WHY WE STILL LOVE IT TODAY: All the food scenes? The fun accents? Sure, those are nice, but the bedroom seduction scene between Quaid and Barkin still boils our crawdaddys some 20 years later.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM THE BIG EASY:

5. "Why don't you just face it, Remy? You're not one of the good guys anymore."

4. "You're a cop for God's sake, you're supposed to uphold the law, but instead you bend it and twist it and sell it."

3. "I never did have much luck with sex anyway." ... "Your luck's about to change, cher. "

2. "New Orleans is a marvelous environment for coincidence."

1. " If I can't have you, can I have my gator?"

Retro-review: 'We're on a mission from God'

It's hard to label The Blues Brothers, which was filmed 20 years ago this summer. Do we call it a musical? Or just a band movie? Or do we lump it in with other Saturday Night Live movies? Any way you slice it, it's a classic. That's why guest-blogger Clark Brooks, a Tampa Bay writer who channels his "ridiculously inconsistent trickle of consciousness," chose it for today's retro-review.

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1980's The Blues Brothers, starring John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd. Directed by John Landis.

THE PLOT: Musicians of questionable repute get their old band back together to raise funds to save the orphanage where they were raised.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: Filmed on location in Chicago and surrounding areas, The Blues Brothers featured a chase scene that destroyed 13 Illinois state police cars, 17 Cook County sherriff cars, 27 Chicago Police cars and, eventually, one 1974 Dodge Monaco with "cop tires, cop suspension and cop motor - a 440 cubic-inch plant."

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: Practically a cinematic encyclopedia of 20th century American music (well, before hip-hop), it featured performances by Cab Calloway, Aretha Franklin, James Brown, Ray Charles and John Lee Hooker among others, as well as cameo appearances by Frank Oz, Chaka Khan, Paul Reubens, Steve Lawrence, Joe Walsh and Steven Spielberg.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "The Blues Brothers is the Sherman tank of musicals. When it was being filmed in Chicago in 1979 -- with dozens of cars piling up in intersections, caroming down Lake Shore Drive and crashing through the Daley Center -- it seemed less like a film than a war. The movie feels the same way. It's a big, raucous powerhouse that proves against all the odds that if you're loud enough, vulgar enough, and have enough raw energy, you can make a steamroller into a musical, and vise versa." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

WHY WE STILL LOVE IT: It’s still the gold standard of major motion pictures inspired directly by characters that started on Saturday Night Live … for what that’s worth. And because the only thing cooler than blues musicians on the run from the law is blues musicians on the run from the law, neo-Nazis, rednecks and psychotic, homicidal ex-fiancees.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM THE BLUES BROTHERS:

5. "Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters ... sell them to me. Sell me your children."

4. "I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD."

3. "What kind of music do you usually have here?" "Oh, we got both kinds. We got country and western."

2. "I hate Illinois Nazis."

1. "We’re on a mission from God."

You can't afford not to rewatch 'Used Cars'

Do you remember Used Cars? Only the real die-hard '80s fans do, and that includes Commander Jeff Johnson down in Cuba, who is headed for civilian life this summer. Let's hope this retro-review isn't a peak into his next career.

TODAY’S RETRO-REVIEW: 1980’s hilarious Used Cars, starring Kurt Russell and Jack Warden. Written and directed by Bob Zemekis.

THE PLOT: Fast-talking salesman Rudy Russo (Russell) scrambles to keep the used car lot owned by kindly Roy Fuchs (Warden) from falling into the hands of Roy’s evil brother, Luke (also Warden).

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: Recent podcast guest Michael McKean’s cameo with his Laverne & Shirley cohort David L. Lander. As “Freddie & Eddie,” they hack into a televised speech by President Carter (Jimmy’s only shred of '80s cred).

SURELY YOU CAN’T FORGET: Jack Warden demonstrating why he was a consummate character actor. He packs as much Wilford Brimley heart into Roy as he does Montgomery Burns acid into Luke. It’s easy to forget it’s the same actor.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID:  “A foul-mouthed, bumpercrunching farce that is often funnier in theory than in fact but, even so, is a movie that has more laughs in it than any film of the summer except Airplane! It wipes out The Blues Brothers,Caddyshack, Up the Academy, Where the Buffalo Roam and just about every other recent comedy aimed, I assume, at an otherwise television-hooked public.”  - Vincent Canby, New York Times.

WHY WE STILL LOVE IT: It was the first (and only) rowdy, raunchy, R-rated outing for Mr. Zemekis, he of the Back to the Future campiness and Forrest Gump folksiness.  Today’s “Frat Pack” crew should remember that he was getting lowbrow belly laughs when Judd Apatow was still in elementary school.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM USED CARS:

5. “You know what I just noticed, Mrs. Lopez? Your hair matches the color of these tires!”

4. “Well, Old Man ... for $2,400, it better run like a wet dream.”

3. “Fifty bucks never killed anybody!”

2. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you can’t afford the classic luxury of the 1972 Buick Centurion. But I’m here to tell you that you can’t afford not to buy this car, and I’m going to make it easy on you.”

1. “Marshall Lucky here for New Deal Used Cars, where we're lowering inflation not only by fighting high prices, not only by murdering high prices, but by blowing the living s--- out of high prices.”

Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Three Amigos

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: A Cinco de Mayo celebration for 1986's Three Amigos, starring Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short. Directed by John "where are you now?" Landis.

THE PLOT: Three suddenly unemployed actors find that the only way to make money is to go to Mexico and put on a performance for the infamous El Guapo. Too bad he's a real bandito and the "show" they're expected to put on was supposed to be a "show of force." Hilarity ensues.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: The movie was originally to be called "The Three Caballeros" and was supposed to star Martin, Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi, according to a Playboy interview Martin gave back in 1980. But Belushi died in 1982. Steven Spielberg also considered making the film - but he picked to do E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial instead. He reportedly wanted Martin, Bill Murray and Robin Williams for the roles. Why did everyone want Martin? He was the co-author of the script.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: The singing bush is voiced by Randy Newman, who also wrote most of the songs for the movie. And Alfonso Arau, who plays El Guapo, actually appeared in a 1970 movie titled Tres Amigos. Arau also plays a major role in 1984's Romancing the Stone as Juan, whose truck (the "little burro") helps Michael Douglas and Katherine Stone escape.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "This movie is too confident, too relaxed, too clever to be really funny. And yet, when the cowboys sit around their campfire singing a sad lament and then their horses join in, you see where the movie could have gone." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

WHY WE LOVE IT ANYWAY: It's "too clever" to be funny, Roger? It's possibly one of the silliest movies any of the three lead actors has ever done. It's the little touches, like the talking animals, the invisible swordsman and the goofy lines that will always endear it to '80s fans.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM THREE AMIGOS:

5. "Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?"

4. "Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?"

3. "Are gringos falling from the sky?"

2. "Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!"

1. "Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!"

The only Irish '80s movie: 'My Left Foot'

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1989's My Left Foot: The Story of Christy Brown, starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Ray McAnally, Brenda Fricker. Directed by Jim Sheridan. Adapted from the book written by Christy Brown.

THE PLOT: The true life story of Christy Brown, born with cerebral palsy to a poor Irish family. With the help of his strong-willed mother, Brown learned to paint and write poetry -- with only his left foot.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: My Left Foot is the only film ever to get an A+ rating from Entertainment Weekly, according to IMDB.com. Brenda Fricker won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as Christy's mother.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: Daniel Day-Lewis won his first Oscar for the leading role, beating Tom Cruise (Born on the Fourth of July), Robin Williams (Dead Poets Society), Morgan Freeman (Driving Miss Daisy) and Kenneth Branagh (Henry V ). He also broke two ribs while being hunched over in a wheelchair both on and off screen during filming as he insisted on staying character around the clock.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "My Left Foot is a great film for many reasons, but the most important is that it gives us such a complete picture of this man's life. It is not an inspirational movie, although it inspires. It is not a sympathetic movie, although it inspires sympathy." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

WHY WE STILL LOVE IT: It has almost as many f-bombs as Scarface. And because deep down, especially on St. Patrick's Day, we all envy Christy drinking whiskey from a straw.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM MY LEFT FOOT:

5. "If you work with me, I'll help you say 'f--- off' more clearly."

4. "Con-gra-tu-la-tions to you and Peter. I'm glad you taught me to speak so I could say that."

3. "Well, Christy, that's the nearest he'll ever come to saying I love you."

2. "This is Christy Brown, my son. Genius."

1. "All is nothing, therefore nothing must end."

To Live and Die with Wang Chung

Today's guest blogger is Jay Wright of Loganville, Ga.  During the '80s, Jay had the largest collection of Hawaiian shirts like his hero Tom Selleck of Magnum P.I. before switching to the Miami Vice look, complete with wearing shoes with no socks while attending high school ...

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1985's To Live and Die in L.A., starring William L. Petersen, John Pankow, Willem Dafoe and Dean Stockwell; written and directed by William Friedkin.

THE PLOT: Secret Service agent Richard Chance (Petersen) and his new partner (Pankow) do whatever it takes to try and take down a counterfeiter responsible for killing Chance's partner.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: The 10-minute, white-knuckle wrong-way freeway chase that is one the best ever filmed. It should be considering the director, William Friedkin, was responsible for the chase scene for The French Connection, which was an Oscar winner in 1971. 

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: The soundtrack was by Wang Chung. Yes, by Wang Chung, famous for Dance Hall Days and Everyone Have Fun Tonight. William Friedkin did not want them to do a title song but they did it anyway. Turns out Friedkin loved it and added it to the movie after he heard it.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "I like movies that teach me about something, movies that have researched their subject and contain a lot of information, casually contained in between the big dramatic scenes. To Live and Die in L.A. seems to know a lot about counterfeiting and also about the interior policies of the Secret Service. The film isn't just about cops and robbers, but about two systems of doing business, and how one of the systems finds a way to change itself in order to defeat the other. That's interesting. So is the chase."  -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

WHY WE LOVE IT: The great car chase, the surprise ending, the great soundtrack and the flashy visuals. Michael Mann liked it so much he sued William Friedkin over the film because it was too much like Miami Vice.  Mann lost the lawsuit and Petersen's next project was Manhunter, directed by Michael Mann. It's aged pretty well and reminds of us a damn good crime film.

TOP 5 QUOTES FROM TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.:

5.  "That doesn't mean I'm gonna roll over and play informer. If you're looking for a pigeon, go to the park."

4.  "Remember me? Football game at the airport?"

3.  "They want me to have an operation, but I can't stand the thought of one of those prison butchers slicing me open."

2.  "We got an FBI agent killed. You hear that?"

1.  "We’re going to an auto parts store to get a replacement."

'Kind of like Karate Kid on the waves'

Today's guest blog item comes from former Stuck in the '80s co-host Chase Squires, the brilliant commentator on our Ferris Bueller, TV shows and Miami Vice podcasts. Chase just returned from Hawaii, so he has a special movie review for all of us.

Because the '80s will not be defined by either time OR place, I take it upon myself to investigate a far-flung '80s locale, mainly, the North Shore of Hawaii, site of the, dare I say classic, 1987 surf flick North Shore, starring the greatly underestimated Matt Adler as young Rick Kane.

Rick wins a surfing contest at an Arizona wave pool, then uses the prize money to travel to Hawaii's North Shore to surf the big waves before going to college in New York to study design. But he soon finds out he's no match for the big waves, and in Hawaii he's not welcome, he's just some kook from the mainland. He gets robbed by the locals and hazed by '80s surfing legend Mark Occhilupo, making a cameo, before he's befriended by a stoner surfer named Turtle (John Philbin) and soul-surfer/guru Chandler (Gregory Harrison, who appears in the background of tons of shows). He falls for the girl, learns about soul surfing instead of ripping, and all's right with the world.

Kind of like Karate Kid on the waves. Dig it.

So I travel to the North Shore, I visit the famed Waimea Bay, Pipeline, Sunset, the whole bit. That's me at Waimea. You can't tell from the picture, but it was pumping big time. I discover the Shore is MUCH smaller than you'd think, and there are lots of surfers, but they aren't all that intimidating, most didn't even notice us. And what else do we find?? This poster for an '80s Night at a local bar. Even on the North Shore of Oahu, the '80s are still HUGE. Rock on, '80s fans.

And what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t point out, for those who, gasp, haven't seen this classic flick … indeed, it's FREE ONLINE at www.Hulu.com under movies. It's legal, free, fun for all. Watch, enjoy, hang loose, 'bra!

'Blue Collar' jump-starts the Big 3

Today is Media Day at the Super Bowl here in Tampa, so Sean Daly and I will be twittering from Raymond James Stadium. Meanwhile, Vegas Girlfriend is today's guest blogger, offering up another "not quite in the '80s" retro-review. But since she's obsessed with "All Things Detroit," take it away!

TODAY's RETRO-REVIEW: 1978's Blue Collar, starring Yaphet Kotto, Harvey Keitel and Richard Pryor. Directed and co-written by Paul Schrader.

THE PLOT: Smokey, Zeke and Jerry are three Detroit autoworkers with big financial problems at home. When an opportunity comes along to steal from the safe of their corrupt union office, the three friends decide to jump at it, and get way more than they bargained for.

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: This film was written and directed by Michigan native Paul Schrader, famous for writing the screenplays for Raging Bull and Taxi Driver, and for writing and directing the '80s classic American Gigolo.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: The scene of a wild party at Smokey's place, where Jerry and Zeke get in a fight armed with, um, marital aids.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "Blue Collar is about life on the Detroit assembly lines, and about how it wears men down and chains them to a lifetime installment plan. It is an angry, radical movie about the vise that traps workers between big industry and big labor." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

WHY WE LOVE IT: It's funny, angry, gritty and the three leads are fantastic. The ending is bleak; this is definitely not your typical Hollywood film, but it will stick with you for a long time after the credits roll. And with the economy the way it is, especially within the automotive industry, this 31-year-old film seems especially timely.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE QUOTES FROM BLUE COLLAR:

5. "You guys work at Checker, right?" ...  "Just in the summertime, in the wintertime we work on Wall Street."

4. "Why do you go on the line every Friday? Because the finance man is going to be at your house on Saturday, right? That's exactly what the company wants, to keep you on the line, they'll do anything to keep you on that line. They pit the lifers against the new boys, the old against the young, the black against the white, everybody to keep us in our place, can't you understand that?"

3. "What did the white guy look like?" ... "He had an arrow through his head."

2. "You’re trying to hurt somebody instead of helping yourself! That’s your problem!"

1. "Man, we should've robbed a liquor store like everybody else."

Retro-review: Buying in to SLC Punk

Today's retro-review brought to you by the Vegas Girlfriend, who stretched the definition of "retro" again to include a movie not made in the '80s, but still about the '80s. Here's her review, verbatim:

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1998's SLC Punk, starring Matthew Lillard, Michael A. Goorjian and Annabeth Gish. written and directed by James Merendino. (Watch the trailer)

THE PLOT: Set in 1985 in Salt Lake City, it's the story of Stevo (Lillard) and Heroin Bob (who hates needles and never takes drugs), two former nerds, now punks, who at first embrace the typical
punk ideas of anarchy, no future and picking fights. (Yay!) Sadly they realize that someday, you have do to grow up, ditch the green hair and razor blade earrings, and become an adult. (Boooo!)

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: Stevo's slide show about which groups other groups beat the crap out of, ending in the the New Wavers. ("The New Wavers did nothing -- they were the new hippies.") And Bob and Stevo's friend Mike, who looks like a total geek, fights like a hardcore bad-ass, but whose dream is to study botany and save the rainforest. The film also features Spears and Daly's dream woman, Annabeth Gish, and, for all you legitimate theater lovers out there, Adam Pascal, who played "Roger" in the original Broadway production of Rent.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: The final scene, when Bob helps Stevo take his first steps out of dorkdom. Great soundtrack also features The Ramones, Iggy and the Stooges, Roxy Music, Adam Ant, Blondie and the Dead Kennedys.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "What 'SLC Punk'' is really about is Stevo's ironic distance on his lifestyle - about the way he lives it  and analyzes it at the same time. The message isn't 'live this way,' but 'look at the way you live.' There's a little something there for all of us." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times.

WHY WE LOVE IT: Speaking as someone who was (and still is) a complete nerd and later dabbled in the whole goth thing, this film really hit me on a personal level. Sure, I will become a fully  contributing member of society when I'm finished with grad school, but can't I still go to the bar, listen to Bauhaus and wear corsets at night? To quote the Amazon.com soundtrack review, it's The Big Chill for 80s punks.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE QUOTES FROM SLC PUNK:

5. "Wouldn't it be more of an act of rebellion if you didn't spend so much time buying blue hair dye
and going out to get punky clothes?"

4. "You don't live your life by lyrics."

3. "I'm really sorry about the beating, and I hope the rest of your stay in America is more pleasant."

2. "I forgot to tell you, I sold myself to Trish for 36 bucks."

1. "I didn't sell out son, I bought in.''

Retro-review: There's no 'W' in Rambo!

Today's first blog item is provided by the Vegas Girlfriend, whose insomnia is finally put to good use. Take it away, VGF.

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 2007's Son of Rambow, starring Neil Dudgeon, Will Poulter, Bill Milner and Jessica Hynes. Written and directed by Garth Jennings (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).

THE PLOT: Will (Milner), a quiet boy with artistic talent and a fertile imagination who is not allowed to watch TV or movies, befriends Lee (Poulter), the resident misunderstood bad boy of the tweedy English school they both attend in 1984. Will watches his first movie, a duped copy of Rambo: First Blood, at Lee's house, and the two boys work together to film their own sequel to the 1982 commie-fightin' classic. The tagline: Make Believe, Not War. (Watch the trailer | Official website)

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: This film was directed by Garth Jennings, who along with his directing partner Nick Goldsmith, directed the fantastic video for Coffee and TV by Blur. It's the one with the adorable little dancing milk carton.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: Tres cool French foreign exchange student Didier Revol (played by Jules Sitruk), worshiped by all the English kids, who looks like he stepped off the set of an early Duran Duran video, as well as quite possibly the best '80s party ever committed to film. Great '80s soundtrack featuring Duran Duran, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Depeche Mode and The Cure.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "The boys' video project is modern enough to stand in contrast to the brick and tweed of the locale, but rather than glossing over that uncomfortable fit, Jennings highlights it with a one-man Flock Of Seagulls." - Robert Davis, Paste Magazine

WHY WE LOVE IT: The total kid enthusiasm of discovering something very simple yet life-changing is exhilarating. It's also a paean to being individual and artistic, and it's a sweet story of friendship. All in all, a film with a huge heart. If you don't have a smile on your face by the end of this film, you're crabbier than John Rambo. Or Steve Spears after he's run out of Wild Turkey.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE QUOTES FROM 'SON OF RAMBOW':

5. "Bonjour Angleterre."

4. "Not including the bit about losing my dad's watch, this has been my best day of all time!"

3. "Those earrings make you look like an angel."

2. "We need to leave here right now, before the evil scarecrow finds us!"

1. "By the way, you spelled the title slightly wrong, there's no W in Rambo. It's still good though."

[Publicity photo]