NFL in the '80s: Who was the ultimate Super Bowl champ of our decade?

Don't you really miss the '80s ... even in pro football? The dynasty of the San Francisco 49ers (sorry, but still the most boring of reigning champs), the would-be dominance of the Chicago Bears (if only Jim McMahon hadn't been injured and Buddy Ryan had stayed on), and the complete and total futility of runner-ups like the Miami Dolphins and Denver Broncos.

The 2009-2010 regular season kicks off today, but I won't be wondering who will hoisting the Lombardi Trophy at the final whistle. Instead I wonder: Who was the ultimate NFL team of the '80s?

Here are the 10 Super Bowl champions of the '80s, along with the teams they defeated in the Super Bowl. To make it interesting, I'll say that all 20 teams are eligible for the title of "ultimate NFL team of our beloved '80s." So have at it!

1980: Pittsburgh Steelers  (beat Los Angeles Rams)

1981: Oakland Raiders (beat Philadelphia Eagles)

1982: San Francisco 49ers (beat Cincinnati Bengals)

1983: Washington Redskins (beat Miami Dolphins)

1984: Oakland Raiders (beat Washington Redskins)

1985: San Francisco 49ers (beat Miami Dolphins)

1986: Chicago Bears (beat New England Patriots)

1987: New York Giants (beat Denver Broncos)

1988: Washington Redskins (beat Denver Broncos)

1989: San Francisco 49ers (beat Cincinnati Bengals)

Three reasons why high school football ruled in the '80s

The high school football season kicked off last night here in Florida. Thankfully, the '80s were the decade of high school football -- at least on the big screen.

Ever notice that all the good high school football movies happened in the '80s? College flicks -- that was more '90s. Just like our lives! We live in golden times - let no one tell you different.

I hate to recycle blog items, but this is my previously published tribute to the sport that I've been a referee for now going on 10 years. (The fans at Boca Ciega High School would love to roll the Lair today, if that gives you any idea how my first night went. But I defend my calls! I was right!) But back to the topic at hand...

Here's a closer look at the best and worst of the bunch of high school football movies from the 80s.

THE BEST: All The Right Moves (1983)

Stars: Tom Cruise, Lea Thompson, Craig T. Nelson, Christopher Penn.

The plot: A football player and his coach look to escape the steel towns of Pennsylvania.

Realism factor: Aside from the fireworks going off when rival Walnut Heights scores a touchdown, I think it's fairly flawless. Craig Nelson is the embodiment of every high school coach I've ever met (he would of course later go on to prove this again in TV's "Coach.") And yeah, Tom, that WAS pass interference! Next time, go for the ball.

Favorite line: "You're not god, Nickerson. You're just a typing teacher."

THE WORST: Wildcats (1986)

Stars: Goldie Hawn, Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson, Nipsey Russell, Bruce McGill.

The plot: A female track coach accepts her dream job -- head football coach ... at the worst school in the city.

Realism factor: The female coach is possibly the only realistic angle to the entire movie. Otherwise, you have players break-dancing on the field (that's 15 yards unsportsmanlike conduct), profanity during the plays (another 15 yards and possible ejection) and a 400-pound player jumping high enough to block a field goal. (No flag, but come on!)

Favorite line: "If you're going to shake my hand, I'd rather do you did that before you checked his jock."

THE GUILTY PLEASURE: The Best of Times (1986)

Stars: Robin Williams, Kurt Russell.

The plot: Two men seek to turn their lives (and the fortune of their town) around by replaying an important game from their high school days.

Realism factor: You wouldn't ask how realistic "Field of Dreams" is, would you? Same deal here. Just enjoy the shot at redemption (and secretly wish it could happen to you as well.)

Favorite line: "I was lucky." "No Jack, you were due."

Here's a closer look at the best and worst of the bunch of high school football movies from the 80s.

THE BEST: All The Right Moves (1983)

Stars: Tom Cruise, Lea Thompson, Craig T. Nelson, Christopher Penn.

The plot: A football player and his coach look to escape the steel towns of Pennsylvania.

Realism factor: Aside from the fireworks going off when rival Walnut Heights scores a touchdown, I think it's fairly flawless. Craig Nelson is the embodiment of every high school coach I've ever met (he would of course later go on to prove this again in TV's "Coach.") And yeah, Tom, that WAS pass interference! Next time, go for the ball.

Favorite line: "You're not god, Nickerson. You're just a typing teacher."

THE WORST: Wildcats (1986)

Stars: Goldie Hawn, Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson, Nipsey Russell, Bruce McGill.

The plot: A female track coach accepts her dream job -- head football coach ... at the worst school in the city.

Realism factor: The female coach is possibly the only realistic angle to the entire movie. Otherwise, you have players break-dancing on the field (that's 15 yards unsportsmanlike conduct), profanity during the plays (another 15 yards and possible ejection) and a 400-pound player jumping high enough to block a field goal. (No flag, but come on!)

Favorite line: "If you're going to shake my hand, I'd rather do you did that before you checked his jock."

THE GUILTY PLEASURE: The Best of Times (1986)

Stars: Robin Williams, Kurt Russell.

The plot: Two men seek to turn their lives (and the fortune of their town) around by replaying an important game from their high school days.

Realism factor: You wouldn't ask how realistic "Field of Dreams" is, would you? Same deal here. Just enjoy the shot at redemption (and secretly wish it could happen to you as well.)

Favorite line: "I was lucky." "No Jack, you were due."

Top 10 Super Bowl halftimes with '80s acts

Today's guest blogger is Paul Schultz of Albion, Wis. He frequently argues the quality of Beta over VHS, and became music editor at The Trades before his boss discovered he played Simon LeBon of Duran Duran in a high school air band contest.

Bruce Springsteen is a "dream" catch to perform at this Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show, but it took a good quarter-century of NFL championships for big-name musicians to be the main attraction. Perhaps the over-hyped debacle of 1989 was the turning point, as a gaudy extravaganza called Be Bop Bamboozled in 3-D was introduced by announcer Bob Costas, who sarcastically quipped, "This is the single proudest moment of my life."

Since then, stars of the '80s have constituted the bulk of the entertainment showcased for, as any devotee stuck in that decade of excess knows, the personalities don't get any larger-than-life -- a perfect fit for the intermission pageantry beamed across the globe. Now, there's no time to refill the snack bowl or take a potty break or you're likely to miss all-star collaborations or another potential "wardrobe malfunction seen around the world."

So, without further ado, here are the top performances by artists who peaked in popularity during the '80s. The Rolling Stones are really the only act grandfathered (no pun intended) in for this criteria, but they did sing Start Me Up from 1981, so there.

TOP 10 SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOWS BY '80s ACTS:

10. PHIL COLLINS (2000) - The sappy Disney balladeer version of the Genesis frontman shows up to sing You'll Be in My Heart from the Tarzan soundtrack during a goofy salute to the new millennium featuring giant lumbering puppets and voice-over narration by Edward James Olmos. [Watch it again]

9. GLORIA ESTEFAN (1992) - The featured singer in Miami Sound Machine would attempt to Turn the Beat Around at 1999's half-time Celebration of Soul, Salsa and Swing, but this first appearance with Olympic figure skaters Brian Boitano and Dorothy Hamill had trouble holding its audience. More than 20 million viewers defected to alternate programming in the form of a special episode of Fox's In Living Color featuring live skits by Damon Wayans, David Alan Grier and a young Jim Carrey.

8. NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK (1991) - When drill teams, dancers and marching bands were the pinnacle of halftime entertainment, NKOTB had the distinction of being the first contemporary pop act featured at the mid-game break. Unfortunately, they were never seen live, as preemption by Operation Desert Storm coverage relegated their performance to an edited after-game postscript. [Watch it again]

7. STING (2003) - An odd mix of performers include Shania Twain and Gwen Stefani, with the latter joining Sting to duet on Message in a Bottle. [Watch it again]

6. JANET JACKSON (2004) - Nobody remembers the infamous show opened with Jessica Simpson, or that Kid Rock, Nelly and P. Diddy also performed. Rhythm Nation also is forgotten from this all-over-the-place production that ends with Justin Timberlake singing "gonna have you naked by the end of this song," popping Janet's top, and "Nipple-gate" being born. [Watch it again]

Crash Davis loves the Tampa Bay Rays

No worries that Kevin Costner will ever star in a musical remake of Bull Durham or Field of Dreams. Because as a singer, Costner makes for a really great actor.

Costner and his band Modern West have just recorded a song for the Tampa Bay Rays to celebrate their AL East division title.

Called It's All Up To You, the song sounds like a typical honky-tonk rocker and features lyrics that begin, "You got to swing for the fence. Give a hundred percent. Dust yourself off. Get up and do it again."

Click here to listen to the complete song. Modern West and Costner played a live show in St. Petersburg back in November 2007 when the Rays unveiled their redesigned uniforms.

TOP 5 BASEBALL MOVIES LINES FROM KEVIN COSTNER:

5. "Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic." (Bull Durham)

4. "I can't think of a better reason not to be a Yankee." (For Love of the Game)

3. "God, I always said I would never bother you about baseball, lord knows you have bigger things to worry about. But if you could make this pain in my shoulder stop for ten minutes, I would really appreciate it." (For Love of the Game)

2. "Well, #$%& this #$%&ing game!" (Bull Durham)

1. "Dad ... you wanna have a catch?" (Field of Dreams)

The right move? Keeping his pants on!

Pop quiz, hotshots: What penalty is Tom Cruise called for during All The Right Moves?

If you said "Unnecessary nudity" for his love scene with Lea Thompson, then you're absolutely correct.

It's true: Cruise didn't have to bare it all for that memorable scene, but he told the director it was more fair that way. (Just the same way I insist all the lovemaking scenes between me and Ione Skye are completely natural.) So for the first, and hopefully only time, the world got to see Tom Cruise's naughty bits.

That's just one of the morsels of trivia you'll get on this week's Stuck in the '80s podcast: Our salute to football movies of the '80s. (Also hidden deep inside Reader Mailbag: your suggestions for our list of John Hughes porn movie titles.)

Hopefully this week's show will make up for last week's debacle. We're still getting hate mail for our "Weird Science" podcast. My mom even wrote one.

"Dear Steve. You're not funny anymore. And the latest show SUCKS - even though I taught you never to use that word. Love, Mom. P.S. - Bring Funyuns to the family dinner tonight."

Click here to listen. Or click here to download all our shows for free via iTunes. Meanwhile, I'm off to the store for Funyuns ... and whatever else will get me out of Mom's doghouse.

[Photo from "All the Right Moves"]

Oh say can you see: U.S. Olympic memories

The Olympics are back in a Communist-held country. Hey, it's like 1980 all over again!

Though American memories of Olympics in the '80s probably always will start with the U.S. hockey team's "Miracle on Ice" at Lake Placid, there are scores of other moments worth savoring. So while you enjoy the majesty of beach volleyball in Beijing, think back to a simpler time and take a look at these achievements. (Special thanks to SIT80s correspondent Jane for pulling this together.)

By the way, my own personal achievement? I could play the Olympic fanfare theme on my "Merlin" back in those days.

TOP 5 U.S. OLYMPIC MOMENTS OF THE 80s:

5. THE BOYCOTTS: In 1980, the United States led a boycott of the games in Moscow to protest the USSR's invasion of Afghanistan. More than 60 other countries joined the boycott. In turn, the USSR and 14 allies boycotted the 1984 games in Los Angeles, mainly out of "security concerns." (Watch 1980 opening ceremonies)

4. 1984 TRACK AND FIELD: In 1984, Carl Lewis makes the first of his four Olympic appearances and matches the 1936 performance of Jesse Owens, winning four gold medals: 100-meter, 200-meter, 4x100-meter relay and the long jump. (Watch his long jump.)

3. 1988 DIVING: In Seoul, Greg Louganis won both the platform and springboard events, even after suffering a concussion when he hit his head on the diving board. (Watch the accident)

2. 1984 MEN'S BASKETBALL: Perhaps the best amateur team in history, the gold-medal team included Michael Jordan, Patrick Ewing, Sam Perkins, Chris Mullin and coach Bobby Knight. (Watch medal ceremony)

1. 1984 GYMNASTICS: At the '84 games in Los Angeles, Mary Lou Retton won the gymnastics all-around competition after scoring perfect "10s" on floor exercise and vault. (Watch her final vault)

One international highlight: In Seoul, Canadian sailor Lawrence Lemieux surrenders a certain silver medal to save two Singaporean sailors who fell into the water. Though he lost the medal, he won a commendation from the International Olympic Committee for bravery and sacrifice -- surely the greatest of Olympic ideals.

A classic 80s rivalry is renewed

Celtics. Lakers. The shorts are longer. The socks are shorter. No "Larry Legend" or "Magic" but Jack Nicholson is still sitting courtside. The NBA Finals tip off tonight, and at first glance, it's the 80s all over again. (Is this a great country or what?)

From 1980-88, eight of the nine NBA championships belonged to one of these two teams (three for Boston, five for Los Angeles). As hoops fans get ready for another chapter in the storied rivalry, here's the ultimate top 5 list as written by Stuck in the 80s uber-fan (and Celtic lunatic) Jane, who would like to give thanks to espn.com and nba.com for helping her memory.

TOP 5 CELTICS-LAKERS MOMENTS OF THE 80s:

5. 1985 NBA Finals, Game 1: It was supposed to be redemption time for the Lakers after their crumbling performance in the '84 finals. Turns out the vaunted rematch was a massacre. The Lakers got their lunch handed to them, 148-114. The hero of the game was reserve forward Scott Wedman, who went 11 for 11 in field goal attempts, which included four three-pointers.

4. 1985 NBA Finals, Game 6: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar scored 29 points as the Lakers defeated the Celtics 111-100 to win the 1985 Championship Series. What was significant about this win? It was the first time an opponent had sealed an NBA championship in Boston Garden - and the first time the Lakers had bested the Celtics in the Finals. Averaging 30.2 points, 11.3 rebounds, 6.5 assists and 2.0 blocks, the 38-year-old Abdul-Jabbar was named the series MVP.

3. 1984 NBA Finals, Game 5: The thermometer read 97 degrees in the Boston Garden at the start of Game 5 ... indoors. (Can you imagine the beer sales?) The heat only seemed to energize Larry Bird, as he racked up 34 points in a 121-103 Celtics win. Dennis Johnson, the late great Celtics point guard, dubbed it "the best game we ever played."

2. 1987 NBA Finals, Game 4: One point down in the final moments of the game, Magic Johnson took the win for the Lakers with what he called a running "junior, junior, junior skyhook" through to the hoop. The 107-106 win put the Lakers up 3-1 in the series, which they won in six games. Not surprisingly, Magic's performance gave him his third NBA Finals MVP nod.

1. 1984 NBA Finals, Game 4: It was the "Foul Heard Round the World." Trying to slow down the steamrolling Lakers, Kevin McHale clotheslined Kurt Rambis to the ground on a breakaway layup during the second period. Talk about shifting momentum: The Lakers spent the rest of the game looking for their mojo, ultimately blowing a 5-point lead and sending the game into overtime. The Celtics won, 129-125 in overtime, thanks to a Larry Bird game-clinching shot.

[AP photo]

Lollygaggers! Ten irritating baseball movie lines

For those of us lucky enough to live in communities in which emotional and economical fates are tied to nine guys dressed in knickers, today marks the start of yet another season of Major League Baseball.

Or here in Tampa Bay -- home of the "No Longer the Devil Rays ... Just the Rays," we just call it "Five Months 'Til Football Season" Day.

To commemorate this festive occasion, Times pop critic Sean Daly, Times sports columnist Tom Jones and I have toiled to record a special "Baseball movies of the '80s" podcast for you on Stuck in the 80s. Click here to download it. Or click here to get all our shows for free delivered via iTunes.

In the meantime, here are 10 sure-fire ways to get your office into the spirit of the game today.

TEN WAYS TO IRRITATE COWORKERS WITH LINES FROM 80s BASEBALL MOVIES:

After being caught heaving in the office bathroom after last night's festivities: "It's okay, honey. I... I was just talking to the cornfield." (Field of Dreams)

When someone offers to go on a Starbucks run: "Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill. " (Major League)

After schooling someone at the department meeting: "You just got lesson number one: don't think; it can only hurt the ball club." (Bull Durham)

To the sandwich maker at the company cafeteria: "Pick me out a winner Bobby." (The Natural)

After forcing down the sandwich -- not made by anyone named Bobby for that matter: "You can't spell it, but it eats pretty good, don't it?" (The Natural)

Anywhere but in the men's room: "The rose goes in the front, big guy." (Bull Durham)

Definitely no where near the men's room: "Big whop now. Big whop, Betsy; you tell me when." (Eight Men Out)

Use this one in there instead: "You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're p-ssing it away." (Bull Durham)

When the coworker from two cubicles over keeps sending you suggestive instant messages: "I guess some mistakes you never stop paying for." (The Natural)

To the jerk who used to date the coworker two cubicles over: "How's your wife and my kids?" (Major League)

When the boss calls you into the office after hearing those last two comments: "I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this sh-t at least you could've said you were from the Yankees." (Major League)

(Think you know baseball movies? Try this online quiz I wrote last week.)

"Wanna have a catch?" ... Baseball in the 80s

Thank the maker that Major League Baseball is about to start. I'm not sure I can handle any more televised basketball or hockey. And I've watched "Top Gun" so many times lately that even my TV remote has lost that lovin' feeling and thinks Maverick is dangerous.

But until that first pitch on opening day goes flying past somebody's noggin, we can derive a little preseason excitement from the baseball movies of the '80s, which not coincidentally is the subject of next week's podcast.

Times pop music critic Sean Daly and sports columnist Tom Jones will join the show to decide once and for all: Which was the best baseball movie of the 80s?

Which one would you pick? Here are some pros and cons:

THE NATURAL (1984)
Balls: Beautifully scored, featuring sublime performances by Robert Redford, Darren McGavin, Kim Bassinger, Wilford Brimley ("Don't you know I hate losin' to the Pirates?!?").
Strikes: Seeing Redford play an 18-year-old version of himself is creepy. And other story lines seem a bit hooky at times.
Favorite quote: "I guess some mistakes you never stop paying for."

BULL DURHAM (1988)
Balls: Considered the most realistic movie made about the minor leagues (how many others can you name?); perhaps Kevin Costner's single-best film performance.
Strikes: Watching Tim Robbins pretend to be pitcher is painful; and listening to the never-ending, thick North Carolina accents is like taking a Nolan Ryan fastball to the forehead. (Note to Hollywood: I'd prefer the fastball next time. It'd ease my pain.)
Favorite quote: "The rose goes in the front, big guy."

FIELD OF DREAMS (1989)
Balls: Possibly the most quotable baseball movie of all time and featuring the best speech about baseball every conceived -- delivered by the always brilliant James Earl Jones ("It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again.")
Strikes: Is it really a baseball movie? Or just an excuse to see if every male you know cries like a baby at the ending? (Just say, "Dad ... wanna have a catch?" and here come the waterworks.)
Favorite quote: "Hey rookie! You were good."

EIGHT MEN OUT (1988)
Balls: Great ensemble cast featuring John Cusack as the tortured Bucky Weaver.
Strikes: Difficult storyline to follow unless you're already familiar with the 1919 World Series. Christopher Lloyd channels "Rev. Jim" from "Taxi" for his turn as "Bill Burns."
Favorite quote: "Those guys are all gone now."

MAJOR LEAGUE (1989)
Balls: Easily the funniest of the group, thanks to Bob Uecker ("Just a bit outside"), James Gammon as manager "Lou Brown" and "Wild Thing" Charlie Sheen.
Strikes: The Cleveland Indians as winners? Only in Hollywood.
Favorite quote: "Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill."

So what's your pick? We'll read the best comments during the podcast.

The curse of the Puking Giants Fan

We're a mere hours away from the most over-hyped sporting event of the year, so it's time for Stuck in the 80s offer a prediction: Giants 39, Patriots 35.

I'm officially invoking the Ghosts of the 1986 Giants to seize the day. Anyone remember Super Bowl XXI? The Denver Broncos came into the game looking as good as they ever were. John Elway was in his prime. And what happened? Giants QB Phil Simms completes 88 percent of his passes, and coach Bill Parcells gets the first-ever Gatorade bath. Ah, happy days.

Truth be told, I'm neither a Giants or Patriots fan. The only reason I remember that Super Bowl is that I met a group of girls at the viewing party who were bored and we organized a little "Marco Polo" party down in the heated pool during the game's second half.

A fun and highly inappropriate time was had by all until one overzealous Giants fan barfed in the pool, forcing one giant "Fish Outta Water" exodus.

It was like the candybar in the pool scene from "Caddyshack" -- only the alcohol-engorged contents of this disaster spread like a renegade oil spill.

And people wonder why I'm stuck in the 80s. Write it down, Pats fans. The Ghost of the Puking Giants Fan will haunt your team today. And probably some nearby pool as well.