25 greatest TV theme songs of the 80s

The tunes defined our generation -- at least from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. every weeknight during our formative years.

Today, they serve as 30-second bursts of memories of the good old days, when the most drama we had was whether to feather our hair or krimp it. Or perhaps deciding which color corduroy pants to wear with our brand-new REO Speedwagon concert tees. (You never go wrong with navy blue!)

Welcome to the official Stuck in the 80s list of the 25 best TV theme songs from our favorite decade. We considered your input along with the expert advice of Times media critic Eric Deggans to fine-tune the final rankings.

Don't forget to listen to this week's podcast, which unveils our rationale for the top 10 TV theme songs. Click here to listen. Or click here to get all our shows for free via iTunes.

In the meantime, get in full couch-potato mode and set the remote control aside for this list.

TOP 25 TV THEME SONGS OF THE 80s:

25. Star Trek: The Next Generation [watch]

24. Taxi [watch]

23. Facts of Life [watch]

22. 21 Jump Street [watch]

21. Magnum P.I. [watch]

20. Dallas [watch]

19. Dynasty [watch]

18. The Love Boat [watch] 

17. Night Court [watch]

16. Full House [watch]

15. Charles in Charge [watch]

14. Moonlighting [watch]

13. It’s Garry Shandling's Show  [watch]

12. The Paper Chase [listen]

11. Pee Wee's Playhouse [watch] 

10. Hill Street Blues [watch]

9. The Cosby Show  [watch]

8. Square Pegs  [watch]

7. Greatest American Hero [watch]

6. The A-Team [watch]

5. Family Ties [watch]

4. WKRP in Cincinnati [watch]

3. Dukes of Hazzard [watch]

2. Cheers [watch]

1. Miami Vice [watch]

"Miami Vice" gets the nod over "Cheers" because it oozes the '80s from every pour. Jan Hammer's masterpiece can only be properly enjoyed in a white linen jacket, loafers and dark glasses.

So which TV theme songs did we miss out on?

'Square Pegs' finally wins popularity contest

It took 25 years, but die-hard fans of "Square Pegs" finally get their wish: The complete series will soon be available on DVD.

A very young (and far cuter) Sarah Jessica Parker starred in the TV series, which lasted only the 1982-83 season. The May 20 release date of the DVD set coincides with the debut of Parker's "Sex in the City" movie.

According to a review by the Washington Post, the three-disc set sadly lacks an audio commentary and deleted scenes. But a short documentary -- "Weemawee Yearbook Memories" -- reunites most of the major players (including Amy Linker, Jami Gertz and Tracy Nelson), who talk at length about the experience of making the show.

Tribute is also paid to actor Merritt Butrick, who played "Johnny Slash." Butrick, also known to "Star Trek" fans as "Dr. David Marcus" (and to "Zapped" fans as "Gary"), died of AIDS in 1989.

Among the highlights of the 20-show set are guest appearances by Bill Murray, Devo, Martin Mull, John Desmore and Tony Dow.

Willie and Scott ... friends forever

We recorded our epic "Top 10 TV Theme Songs of the 80s" podcast today, and now I'm stuck singing "Charles in Charge" at my desk over and over and over again. (And if click this link, now it's in your head too.)

Where did the song fall on the list? You'll have to wait for the weekend to hear the show and discover. However, I will reveal that, during an uncomfortable moment of silence in the show, I  confessed my never-dying admiration for the Scott Baio/Willie Aames dynasty of acting.

Which makes you wonder: How much longer must we wait for our podcast tribute to 1982's "Zapped?" Click here to see the never-released trailer for the movie.

Mrs. Garrett still teaches "Facts of Life"

Actress Charlotte Rae -- aka "Mrs. Garrett" on "The Facts of Life" -- has a cameo appearance in Adam Sandler's upcoming movie, "You Don't Mess with the Zohan."

We all know Sandler loves the 80s and squeezes as much classic music into each of movies as possible. But if don't want to spoil the surprise of Mrs. Garrett's role -- or if you just prefer not to toss your breakfast -- please, read no further ...

Last warning ...

"We make love together," the 82-year-old Rae told AP Television this week. "On a table from one to 10, I rate him, 'Not bad.' "

"Zohan" is set for release on June 6. In it, the AP says, Sandler plays an horn-doggin' Israeli commando who goes undercover as a hair stylist. No word yet on if he's capable of doing the trend-setting "Blair" look.

[AP photo]

Best TV theme songs? Believe it

Feel free to blast the fashion, hairstyles and music of our beloved 80s -- so long as you do it on another blog -- but there's one legacy of the decade that cannot be diminished:

It was the last decade of truly great TV theme songs.

From the simplicity of "The Cosby Show" to the bombastic orchestrations of "Dallas" and "Dynasty," TV in the 80s had it covered. (The one song that makes me song along every time? "Believe It or Not" from "Greatest American Hero.")

This week's Stuck in the 80s podcast will finally unveil our list of the Top 10 TV Themes of the 1980s. Think you know which one will emerge on top? You never know. I like to keep things interesting.

In the meantime, this is your last chance to nominate your favorite -- and least favorite -- TV themes. Write something clever with your nomination and we'll read the best comments during the show.

Fire away with your picks!

He'll give 'Rock of Love' a bad name

Here's some news to make the ladies swoon: Bon Jovi guitarist Ritchie Sambora is set to replace Poison's Bret Michaels on next season's "Rock of Love."

Season 2 of the too-painful-to-look-away reality show just wrapped up with Michaels choosing skank-a-licious Ambre Lake as his new girlfriend.

"Despite the first season being exposed as a fraud -- the winning contestant already had a boyfriend -- Michaels and Lake insists this time it is for real, and they are handing the show over to another single star," according to the brilliantly name Sleaze Roxx website.

Sambora, on the other hand, has already been through Heather Locklear and her gal-pal Denise Richards. And he thinks he'll do better picking anonymous women off VH1? Good luck, Richie. I'd take a double-shot of "Bad Medicine" before the season opener -- 'cause there ain't no doctor that can cure the disease.

[AP, publicity photos]

Gary Coleman has anger issues

Is anyone else still just plain dumbfounded by the phenomenon that is Gary Coleman? The video above are clips from his recent appearance on TV's "Divorce Court."

Gary, let me ask you a few questions: Are you totally bat-house insane or what? You married a 22-year-old in secret but now are divorcing on her a syndicated national TV show? Why don't you just behave like the other whacked-out '80s and just jump up and down on Oprah's couch? (One more question: Can I get your ex's phone number when the paperwork is complete?)

Gary, you're 40 years old now. Time to act like the rest of us: Sit home alone, watch reality TV and taste-test tiny bottles of vodka you bought on sale at the liquor store last night.

Will they play "Riding the Storm Out?"

Hey, REO Speedwagon fans. (And really, shouldn't that be all of us?) The band is performing live on the CBS  "Early Show" on Friday (May 2) from Greensburg, Kansas.

Greensburg was devastated by a tornado last year. REO's show is the finale for "Tragedy to Triumph: Greensburg Rising," a special week-long series on CBS highlighting a community's effort to rebuild.

Tune in between 7 and 9 a.m. to catch Kevin Cronin and the gang. The concert is free to the town's residents. However, if you want to donate to the cause, here's a web link.

SPEAKING OF KEVIN ... He's in the news today for a different reason. Cronin penned an essay for Newsweek magazine about his son Paris and his struggle with substance abuse: "My intention had always been to protect my boy from the very lifestyle in which his mother and I had been so overindulgent,"  Cronin writes. "But Paris had seen it all, and before long his cigarette smoking was morphing into far more dangerous habits." Click here to read the full piece.

The godfather of '80s television

This afternoon, the role of the Stuck in the 80s blogger will be played by Jane:

Cocktails and dreams everyone! Spunky Stuck in the '80s cub reporter Jane here, filling in for Mr. Spears, who is up to the top of his handsome head in packing material and moving boxes, furiously searching for the one with the towels in it, so he can finally take a shower. Dude, it's got to be there somewhere -- good luck!

Today we're celebrating the birthday of one of the seminal figures in television: the late Mr. Aaron Spelling, born April 22, 1923. (Alas, Spelling passed away in 2006. No word on whether the sea-plane sprinkled his ashes over a waving Mr. Roarke and Tattoo.)

Known now more as the father of media gadfly Tori and the godfather of "Beverly Hills 90210" and "Melrose Place," Spelling was first and foremost a man of the '80s. You couldn't turn on the tube in those days without encountering one of his programs on the screen. I should know -- I watched most of them.

From the one-two punch of "The Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island" on Saturday evenings, which I would tune in to before getting ready to go out to some late-night college party; to the original must-see TV of "Dynasty" on Wednesday nights; to the charming Nick-and-Nora throwback sleuths Jonathan and Jennifer Hart.

I did draw the line at watching some Spelling shows. He was also responsible for "Life with Lucy" -- the awful sitcom that served as Lucille Ball's last staring role. Nobody's perfect.

So grab a glass of champagne from Isaac, our friendly "Love Boat" bartender, and let's toast to ...

AARON SPELLING'S TOP 5 CONTRIBUTIONS TO 80s TV:

5. THE CATCH PHRASES: He provided us with "Da plane! Da plane!" ..  "Smiles, everyone, smiles" and "Love, exciting and new..."  True confession: I have Jack Jones crooning the "Love Boat" theme on my iPod. Shut. Up.

4. THE ULTIMATE 80s BABE: He signed not one, but two paychecks for Heather Locklear (T.J. Hooker and Dynasty), thus garnering the eternal gratitude of men young and old everywhere.

3. THE FASHION: He was single handedly responsible for the popularity of shoulder pads, huge jewelry pieces and shellacked, sky-high coiffures, thanks to the fashion-consciousness of "Dynasty" and its spin-off, "The Colbys." Admit it, you yourself sported one or all of these looks or dated someone who did.  This was the fashion of the day, and we were all slaves to it.

2. KIRK, YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, MY OLD FRIEND: He gave William "T.J. Hooker" Shatner and his hairpiece something to do during the '80s other than attending Star Trek conventions.

1. THE GUEST STARS: He kept half of Hollywood employed via the enormous amount of guest star opportunities on his shows. When those opening credits rolled for "The Love Boat" or "Hotel" or "Fantasy Island," you never knew whose name would pop up: Andy Warhol, Shirley Jones, John Ritter, Roddy McDowell, Carolyn Jones (who was married to Spelling in the '60s), Sonny Bono, Ethel Merman, Charo. The Screen Actors Guild must have loved this guy. As did the Retired Actors Home.

Here's to you, Mr. Spelling. Thanks for the memories.

Just can't get enough "Reunion?"

It's the ultimate guilty indulgence for the '80s nation: Cable's TV Land network's "High School Reunion" is planning a "cram session" for Saturday, April 5. Starting at 6 pm Eastern time, they'll rebroadcast all the episodes to date.

The reality show reunites more than a dozen classmates from the Class of 1987 at J.J. Pearce High School in Dallas. All the cliques are there: the jocks, the hotties, the geeks, the bullies. And just like in real life, some stars of the show have aged better than others.

The reunion takes place in Hawaii over a two-week getaway and is full of the usual dramas: jealousies, fights, parties, you name it. If you don't have TV Land or can't catch the cram session, the episodes also can be viewed at the show's official website, which has plenty of photos (past and present) and background to help fill in the blanks.

The site is worth visiting just for casual fans. There are clips from classic '80s TV shows, a trivia challenge and even an '80s radio station featuring only tunes from our decade.

Please, no Taco or Toto tonight!

Just when I thought American Idol was free of our beloved '80s ...

Tonight's show features contestants singing a song from the year in which they were born. That means tunes from 1978 (Michael Johns) through 1991 (Lil' Davie Archuleta). So as Donnie Iris once sang, here we go again. (We ain't learned our lesson yet!)

Don't put it past someone to try another Journey song, just to kiss up to Randy Jackson. Thankfully, nobody was born in the same year as a Paula Abdul tune. That's probably the only reason Simon will even show up tonight.

Here are the years in play tonight, along with each contestant and the song I'd pick for them:

• Michael Johns (1978): "How Deep Is Your Love?" -- Bee Gees
  
• David Cook (1982): "Jack and Diane" -- John Mellencamp
  
• Carly Smithson (1983): "Total Eclipse of the Heart" -- Bonnie Tyler
  
• Brooke White (1983): "Come On Eileen" -- Dexy's Midnight Runners (That ought to finish her off!)
  
• Kristy Lee Cook (1984): "Time After Time" --- Cyndi Lauper
• Chikezie Eze (1985): "Part-Time Lover" -- Stevie Wonder
• Syesha Mercado (1987): "Who's That Girl" -- Madonna
• Ramiele Malubay (1987): "Head to Toe" -- Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
• Jason Castro (1987): "Lean On Me" -- Club Nouveau
• David Archuleta (1990): The '90s? You're on your own, little guy!

"I love it when a plan comes together!"

Another '80s TV show is set for reincarnation as a big-screen project: "The A-Team" is planning a June 12, 2009 release with director John Singleton ("Boyz n the Hood", "Higher Learning") at the helm.

E! Online reports that the movie's plot will mirror that of the TV show, which ran from 1983-87: A close-knit band of four ex-soldiers, falsely convicted of a war crime, now for hire to solve your personal problems -- complete with chases, explosions and plenty of catchy dialog.

Nobody has been cast in the movie yet, though Woody Harrelson has been mentioned for the role of "Howling Mad" Murdoch, and Ice Cube has publicly said he wants the part of B.A. Baracus -- made famous by Mr. T.

"I wouldn't try to duplicate what Mr. T did, but I will have the same impact on you when you were little watching the TV show," Ice Cube tells Blackfilm.com. "I'm going to bring my own flavor to it and I am going to do the mohawk."

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM THE A-TEAM:

5. "Shut up, fool!"

4. "You've been found sane?"

3. "I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm a choo-choo train! Touchdown!"

2. "I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world, then runs home cryin' to his momma!"

1. "I love it when a plan comes together!"

"Kirk, you're still alive, my old friend"

What to hear something that will make you feel old and tired, as if the world were ending tomorrow (the opposite of the "Genesis Effect" for you Trekkies out there): William Shatner turns 77 years old today.

It's at this point that I usually make my case that today's birthday honoree enjoyed his finest days in the 80s. And I'll do that momentarily. But if you haven't seen Shatner's performance in 1998's "Free Enterprise," where he plays a (hopefully) comic version of himself, you're letting the best of life pass you by.

Still, between TV's "T.J. Hooker" and the Star Trek movies of the 80s, it's a wonder we don't call that the "Shatner Decade."

OK, that's pushing it. Still, what red-blooded (or green-blooded) life-form doesn't weep uncontrollably as Kirk breaks down during Spock's death in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan? That's where we all learn that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few ... or the one.

Leave it to Shatner to prove him wrong in Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock.

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW, YOU CAN LEARN FROM CAPT. KIRK:

• "Galloping around the cosmos is a game for the young."
• "The Klingons don't take prisoners."
• "We learn by doing."
• "The needs of the one outweighed the needs of the many."
• "Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word."
• "You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves."
• "I've always known I'll die alone."

Believe it or not, he's a dweeb

As we continue our countdown to revealing the Top 10 TV Theme Songs of the 80s, it's time to check back and see how the stars of yesteryear are doing.

Starting with ... The Greatest American Hero!

How well do you know your TV themes?

As we continue our quest to identify the Top 10 TV Theme Songs of the 80s, here's a mental exercise to keep you on top of your game.

It's tampabay.com's TV Theme Song Quiz! Click here to play. It does include shows from outside the 80s, so prepare to stretch yourself beyond normal boundaries.

And by the way, aren't you glad Rerun and "What's Happening!!" were '70s phenomenons? Because now you won't be taunted this its theme song. But go ahead -- click this anyway.

Ever wonder what happened to Fred "Rerun" Berry? He struggled with alcoholism in the '80s before losing 100 pounds and becoming a minister in the '90s. Berry died in 2003 at age 52 while recovering from a stroke.

'Where everybody knows your name'

Tell the truth: You know the complete lyrics to the "Cheers" theme song, don't you?

Of course you do. It's a classic. But is it the BEST TV THEME SONG of the 80s?

That's what we need to know, because this week's Stuck in the 80s podcast is going to tackle that very issue.

So start humming to yourself and let us know which TV songs are stuck in your head for life.

Here are three of my favorites:

THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO: "Believe it or not, I'm walking on air." (Listen)

WKRP IN CINCINNATI: "Baby, if you've ever wondered ... wondered whatever became of me." (Listen)

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: Not a song and the series barely made it into the 80s, but I still get chills whenever I hear the original theme orchestration. Makes me want to get into my PJs, grab a black cherry soda and bologna sandwich and do my best Galactica era cursing. "Ahhh, Frack!" (Listen)

Name your favorite 80s TV theme songs! Feel free to explain why and we'll read your comments on the podcast.

Is George finally ready for the U.S.?

George Michael has been selling out arenas, stadiums, maybe even entire ZIP codes during his current European tour. But fans here in the United States have been teased for two years now: Is he or is he not coming to perform here?

It looks like it's finally a done deal. According to sources, George has booked the TD Banknorth Garden Arena in Boston on July 27. And a date soon after at New York's Madison Square Garden will be filmed for a live concert DVD.

In the meantime, George continues to make guest appearances on TV's "Eli Stone." He's scheduled to perform (and possibly act) on the March 13 episode.

5 reasons to never cover a Queen song

Give American Idol's Kady Malloy credit for her performance on 80s week. If you want to win a national singing contest, your first instinct should be to: (1) choose the most beautiful song you can find; (2) sung by an artist with a legendary voice, and then; (3) totally knock everyone's spiked Coca-Cola cups over with your rendition.

So Kady picks Queen's "Who Wants To Live Forever." OK, check for No. 1. Sung by one of the greatest showmen of the last 100 years, Freddie Mercury. Check for No. 2. And then she sang it like she was auditioning for the high school chorus after drinking a bottle of NyQuil. It just goes to show that Meatloaf wasn't right: Two out of three actually ain't good sometimes.

It's so simple, people. Maybe you need a refresher course!

FIVE REASONS TO NEVER COVER A QUEEN SONG:

5. Unless your name is George Michael, and you have time between appearances on "Eli Stone," nobody on Earth can match Mercury's voice. Sorry, but Freddie was the only living proof that live must exist on other planets.

4. Assuming you choose to ignore reason #5, at least pick an up-tempo Queen song. Might I suggest "Crazy Little Thing Called Love?" Not a great song, but at least you'd be around for Beatles week.

3. Unless you can quote at least five lines from 1986's nerd-flick "Highlander," the movie in which the song appears, it's bad karma to pick "Who Wants To Live Forever." (Which means only me and maybe a dozen other people are qualified to sing it -- and nobody wants to hear that either.)

2. Like Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit," most truly great Queen songs build in energy verse after verse until it reaches a crescendo where you are at one with all living things and have power beyond imagination.. You can't just chop a Queen song half, sing the first half, smile a toothy grin at Simon Cowell, because ...

1. ... If you do, you're subject to the most important quote from "Highlander" ... "If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!"

[AP photo]

Idol robs us of our '80s dignity

I'm looking for the right analogy to express my overall condition after American Idol's spotlight on the '80s last night.

Got it: It's like going to your first college party, getting drunk and finding a really hot girl that hangs on you all night. Only you wake up the next morning hungover and find out the really hot girl was in fact your younger sister. And to top it all off, there are photos all over MySpace of your friends tea-bagging you and posing next to your passed-out corpse of a body.

In other words: You should have known better.

There are so many reasons to be disappointed this morning. Here are a few:

SONG SELECTION: A Whitney Houston song for a guy? Oh Chikezie ... 80s co-host Sean Daly was right -- take the easy win with some James Ingram. And "Tainted Love" -- are you kidding me, Danny? Why not pick something more cliche -- like the "Super Bowl Shuffle" or "Don't Worry, Be Happy?"

THE PHIL FACTOR: Everyone figured we'd hear Phil Collins at some point, but "Another Day in Paradise" is toward the bottom of the list. "Against All Odds" would have been the right call. Maybe a little "In The Air Tonight."  (I guess we should be happy at least that it wasn't "Susudio.")

TOO SIMPLE MINDED: "Don't You Forget About Me" is an 80s classic, and probably the most "pure" 80s song of the night. I was happy to see it chosen. Too bad Michael Johns bungled it.

THE PAULA FACTOR: Paula Abdul had her moment of fame in the '80s, so I didn't expect her to stay silent all night. But just once I'd like to see her get cranky and start handing out some bad reviews. (God help us all if a female contestant picks a Paula song to perform tonight. Simon might projectile vomit.)

TONIGHT WILL BE WORSE: Expect the poor song choices to continue. Expect someone to perform a song originally sung by a male (I'm thinking a Journey or REO tune). And expect me to be back online tomorrow morning, aspirins in hand, checking out MySpace for photos ... just in case.

'80s Week on American Idol

It is with a heavy heart that I contemplate another week spent in front of my television, cursing under each breath as the most untalented group of misfits ever assembled takes to the airwaves to butcher the songs that I love so dearly.

Yes, it's 80s Week on American Idol. (I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if a million Sanjayas cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Hopefully in some very painful manner.)

Some of my clever colleagues here at the St. Pete Times have already cooked up a list of song suggestions for each of the 16 remaining contestants. But I have my own list ... of course.

80s SONGS WE MOST FEAR TO HEAR THIS WEEK:

LITTLE RED CORVETTE (Prince): Probably tied with "Kiss" for most likely song by the "Artist Who Formerly Would Have Nothing To Do With American Idol." I just wonder if the lyrics can make it past the Fox censors.

BLACK VELVET (Alannah Myles): Released on a 1989 album, so it barely makes the cut. Easily one of the most unbearable songs of our lifetimes, whomever picks this tune should be automatically booted from the show by the time he or she reaches the first chorus.

BEDS ARE BURNING (Midnight Oil): Can Aussie Michael Johns lay off a beloved tune from his homeland? He better, if he wants my vote.

CRIMSON AND CLOVER (Joan Jett version): Everyone figures Amanda Overmyer will go for Joan Jett -- and I agree. But in a surprise move, she'll grab the wrong song, picking this wretched remake originally performed by Tommy James and the Shondells. And unless she gets arrested for indecent exposure outside my place of business, I can't see her sticking around another week.

I WANT CANDY (Bow Wow Wow): In a dream last night, I could see Danny Noriega prancing around stage with giant candy-canes -- his hair pulled up in Annabella Lwin mohawk style. And the American Idol band hopelessly trying catch up -- without throwing up. (I don't sleep well these days.)

Tune into Sean Daly's Pop Life blog tonight at 8pm for a live chat during the show. I'll be there, chatting along, trying desperately to stop the dry heaves.

Balki in the soaps? Don't be ridi-coo-lus

Look who's back on TV. Bronson Pinchot is joining the cast of "The Young and the Restless," playing the part of a publicist named Patrick.

Pinchot, whose offbeat characters ruled the '80s, has been enjoying a resurrection in his acting career, thanks to his appearance on VH1's "Surreal Life." He'll join the soap opera from March 14 through 26, according to the Daytime Dial blog.

But is Pinchot's turn as "Balki" in TV's "Perfect Strangers" really the opus of his acting career? Not hardly.

TOP FIVE ROLES FOR BRONSON PINCHOT:

5. THE FLAMINGO KID (Alfred): Bronson always works great as a sidekick. Throw in Matt Dillon and you have what might be one of the most underrated (or just forgotten ) movies of the early 80s.

4. SECOND SIGHT (Billy): Not a great movie. But John Larroquette shines as a private detective who uses Bronson's psychic abilities to solve crimes.

3. PERFECT STRANGERS (Balki): The TV show, which ran for eight seasons, had a rapid following around the world, where it was rebroadcast (often with Balki taking on a different name.) Popular lore has it that comic legend Lucille Ball considered it one of her favorite shows.

2. RISKY BUSINESS (Barry): He overshadows Tom Cruise in many scenes and gets all the good lines. Plus, he invents the Memo Minder!

1. BEVERLY HILLS COP (Serge): Single-handedly popularized espresso ... "with a little lemon twist. You should try it, it's good!"

[Perfect Strangers promotional photo]

Gary Coleman married a 22-year-old!

Just when you think Gary Coleman is a gentle footnote to our beloved '80s, he goes out and does something bizarre. People Magazine is reporting that 40-year-old Coleman has married 22-year-old Shannon Price, whom he met on a movie set last year.

I'm not sure what's more unbelievable -- that our favorite "Diff'rent Strokes" star married someone 18 years younger than him ... or that he was actually on a movie set last year. (Click here to see the official wedding photo on the People website.

Price, who stands 5-foot-7, married 4-foot-8 Coleman "on a mountaintop," Coleman told Inside Edition. "Nobody was around but the minister, preacher, the videographers, the photographer, the helicopter pilot and us."

Right, because it's not a celebrity wedding with a helicopter pilot.

For what it's worth, Price claims she didn't know of Coleman's celebrity when they met. "I didn't grow up with Diff'rent Strokes," she told People. "I actually didn't like watching TV when I was younger."

(What 'choo talkin' about, Shannon? Just ask your parents. They were probably checking out "Arnold Jackson" back in the '80s.)

Spend the week with Andrew McCarthy

Brat-packer Andrew McCarthy has a new, high-profile acting gig. He's a cast member of the new NBC series "Lipstick Jungle," starring Brooke Shields.

Love him or loathe him for his roles in "Pretty in Pink" and "St. Elmo's Fire," McCarthy has kept a relatively lower profile over the last 20 years than chums like Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall and Rob Lowe. Hollywood talk had it that McCarthy was always the outsider of the gang. (Why? Jealousy over "Mannequin?")

But if you're a long-time fan of McCarthy, you're in luck. He's keeping an online diary of the first week of shooting of "Lipstick Jungle" at Slate.com. Click here to read the first day's entry. The series, based on a novel by Candace Bushnell, airs Thursday nights on NBC.

Take a quick glance through and it's obvious McCarthy is a talented writer who isn't shy about sharing the self-deprecating moments. "Next came a wardrobe fitting and camera test -- during which Candace announced, 'I wouldn't f--- you in those shoes,' and then walked out for a cigarette..."

TOP 5 ANDREW MCCARTHY MOVIES OF THE 80s:

5. PRETTY IN PINK (1986): "I believed in you. I just didn't believe in me."

4. LESS THAN ZERO (1987): "Do you know that you girls have televisions between your legs?"

3. ST. ELMO'S FIRE (1985): "Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs."

2. CLASS (1983): "Why am I such a turd?"

1. WEEKEND AT BERNIES (1989): "How do you like that? The guy gets laid more times dead than I do alive."

[NBC photo]

His birthday wish? Diff'rent Strokes remake

Gary Coleman turns 40 years old today. Everybody together now: "What choo talkin' bout, Willis!"

It's at this point that normally I'd make a case that today's 80s birthday hero wasn't a one-trick pony. But sadly, Coleman doesn't give me much to work with. A quick glance at his work in the 80s ("On The Right Track," "The Kid With The 200 I.Q." etc. ) ... well, you just better love "Diff'rent Strokes!"

But give Gary credit: He's still a working actor. He may not have the tremendous acting chops of Conrad Bain or Dana Plato to lean on anymore. But I'd gladly exchange my paycheck for the one he got for playing "Pizza Guy" in 2007's "A Christmas Too Many."

Still, it's his guest appearances that I really covet.

TOP 5 GUEST APPEARANCES BY GARY COLEMAN IN THE 80s:

5. SIMON & SIMON: Every 80s star guest-starred on this show at one point or another. Coleman appeared in 1986 as "Lewis Peoples."

4. SILVER SPOONS: He played his Diff'rent Strokes character "Arnold Jackson" for one episode.

3. THE FACTS OF LIFE: He played "Arnold Jackson" for two episodes this time. Even Mrs. Garrett was ready to boot him from the house after that, I'm guessing. 

2. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S AMAZING STORIES: Playing "Arnold" again? Yep. Only Spielberg could come up with a storyline for someone as overexposed as Coleman by now.

1. BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY: Coleman plays "Hieronymous Fox." Great stage name. And getting to snuggle up next to Erin Gray -- interstellar!

[Getty Images]

Who will voice K.I.T.T.? A real genius

Scandal engulfs Hollywood! Jobs are lost! Fortunes are ruined! Reputations dashed! (All resulting in a shocking shortage of exclamation points.)

It turns out that actor Will Arnett cannot provide the voice of the car K.I.T.T. in NBC's upcoming "Knight Rider" made-for-TV movie after all.

The problem?  Arnett has been doing voice-over work for General Motors for about a decade. The new Knight Rider car is not a GM car but rather a Ford Mustang. (That's more than one problem, but don't get me started again.)

So, Val Kilmer ("Real Genius", "Top Gun) has been hired to do the voice work for K.I.T.T., according to Variety.com. Arnett's voice work had already been completed, Variety says, so Kilmer will have to hustle. The movie airs on Feb. 17. (Even Knight Rider's official website still shows Arnett on the cast - as of today anyway.)

Will K.I.T.T. be the ultimate voice job for Kilmer? Hardly.

TOP VAL KILMER "VOICE" ROLES:

BATMAN ("Batman Forever"): Batman should sound like "Iceman." ... "You're everyone's problem, Riddler! That's because every time you go up in the air, you're unsafe."

JIM MORRISON ("The Doors"): His best role to date -- voice or acting. "Actually I don't remember being born, It must have happened during one of my black outs."

MOSES ("Prince of Egypt"): If only Kilmer could have channeled a little Mel Brooks into his performance: "The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these 15 ... [crash] ... Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!"

You gotta have Faith-a, Faith-a, Faith!

Talk about getting stoned: George Michael has signed on to appear in more episodes of ABC's "Eli Stone," the new legal drama/comedy about an attorney (played by Jonny Lee Miller) who begins to think he's a prophet after a series of bizarre hallucinations.

The first one: Hearing George Michael's "Faith" over and over again during the series pilot last week. Michael then appears -- singing on Eli's coffee table and in the lobby of his office. It's an entertaining start to the series, which appears again tonight at 10 p.m. Eastern time. (I'm hooked on it after one episode.)

TV Guide reports that Michael will return in the show's eighth and ninth episodes to both sing and act.

"Having George and his music in the pilot was great because it really set the tone for the entire show," executive producer Marc Guggenheim told TV Guide. "He's such a talented and smart guy and amazingly collaborative."

The new Knight Rider car is a Mustang?

Does this honestly look like a state-of-the art car capable of being a super-hero? Of course not. It's a Ford.

The new star of NBC's Knight Rider (part deux) is a Mustang! K.I.T.T. is rolling over in whatever junkyard graveyard he's currently residing in. (Actually, K.I.T.T. is alive and well -- and probably living in sin with The General Lee -- but that's not important right now.)

I'm queasy enough with Knight Rider making a return in movie form. But now they're sullying tradition by having a Mustang stand in for the old Trans-Am?

My first car was a 1982 Mustang. Bright white. Decorative (aka "fake") air scoop in front. Let me tell how much I loved that thing. The engine caught on fire -- twice. The rear-view mirror fell off weekly. And in the last year of ownership, the only way I could get the car into gear was by sticking a butter knife into the transmission hole. American craftsmanship.

But according to NBC's publicity machine, the new K.I.T.T. "is absolutely the coolest car ever created: its supercomputer capable of hacking almost any system; its weapons systems efficient; and its body -- thanks to its creator's work and nanotechnology -- is capable of actually shifting shape and color."

Let's hope it knows how to made last-minute appointments at the service garage too. But wait! There's more: "Its artificial intelligence makes it the ideal good cop partner: logical, precise and possessing infinite knowledge. It is the ultimate car -- and someone will be willing to do anything to obtain it."

Trust me on this. If you do manage to obtain "the ultimate car," invest in a couple of fire extinguishers. They might come in handy.

-- The two-hour movie version of Knight Rider airs on Sunday, Feb. 17, at 9 p.m. Eastern time.

[NBC publicity photos]

Caption contest: Stefanie Powers in Cuba

Here's the latest dispatch from our favorite overseas commander -- Jeff in Cuba:

I thought I'd share my brush with an early 80's TV star, "Jennifer Hart" herself, the lovely Stefanie Powers. She was in town for our big Christmas parade, and I got the chance to talk to her a little bit about wildlife conservation. That's part of my job down here and she's still very active in the wildlife foundation she set up with William Holden in Kenya.

The goofy smile on my face is not so much related to our success in propagating the endangered Cuban boa, as it is to how spastic I can be around celebrities. It's a good thing I don't have your jobs.

Anyway, she's a very classy and gracious lady (and looking pretty good one month past her 65th birthday!), and still has some killer Broadway-style pipes. She sang carols with the kids at the end of the parade and it was a very nice, old-school USO sort of moment.

No mere mortal can resist the evil of MJ

Did you think you could throw a Super Bowl and NOT invite Michael Jackson? ("You close your eyes, and hope that this is just imagination.")

Wacko Jacko is rumored to be the star of a commercial airing during the game celebrating the 25th anniversary of his "Thriller" album, according to the New York Post. Jackson will appear in a Thriller-themed spot for SoBe Life Water, the beverage made by PepsiCo, which Jackson was so infamously pimping back in 1983 when his hair caught on fire.

But will his career catch back on fire? (Ouch.) The Post also says Jackson will appear on the Grammy Awards on Feb. 10. Meanwhile, his official website has been redesigned to focus on his landmark album.

TOP 5 MICHAEL JACKSON ONE-LINERS FOUND ON THE WEB:

• "If you play Thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long."
• "It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space. A spokesperson for NASA said, 'We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back'."
• "Michael decided to have a boy of his own because it's too expensive to rent them at $2-million a pop."
• "Michael Jackson had a boy. He also became a father!"
• "He told you he was 'Off the Wall', that he was a 'Thriller', that he was 'Bad' and that he was 'Dangerous'.  Next album will be called "Don't say I didn't warn you.' "

[AP photo]

There goes my metal bikini fixation

The Eighties Revival may have officially died last night: A Wookie-like contestant on American Idol actually wore the infamous Princess Leia metal bikini during his audition.

For all 80s fans -- especially those of the humanoid, male variety -- the image of Carrie Fisher dressed as a slave girl for Jabba The Hutt is sacred to us. It's not to be mocked, satirized or even duplicated without great care and reverence.

When Jennifer Aniston indulged Ross on "Friends" and wore the metallic bikini during foreplay, we gave a polite golf-clap because it was a simple and effective nod to our fetish.

But on Tuesday night, when cheesesteak-enhanced Ben Harr dropped his robe to reveal our beloved Leia outfit, it was as if millions of voice cried out in terror and then were suddenly silenced. Judges Paula, Randy and Simon did the right thing: Ben was immediately exiled to the forest moon of Endor where a thousand Ewoks tore every strand of hair off his chest with their bare teeth.

Ben, you should have done your research first. There are entire websites dedicated to this cultural phenomenon. For example, go to Leia's Metal Bikini, which is the closest thing to porn that 80s fans can view safely on their work computers. There you will find photos of Fisher in costume (along with scores of other scantily clad females in similar outfits) and even buy the outfit for your own Leia at home. It's enough to make you go to the dark side of the force -- if only for 10 to 15 minutes of quiet, alone time.

The urban legend among 80s nerds, proudly including myself, is that in 1983's "Return of the Jedi," Fisher's bikini didn't fit nearly as snuggly as Harr's version. When she would recline back against Jabba, the top and bottom of the metal outfit would push out from her body, giving nearby film crew members an unobstructed view of her bare goodies.

Fisher didn't mind -- she bragged in interviews that "slept with some nerd" to get the role in the first place. "Some nerd!" And you wonder why I wear that term as a badge of honor. Whereas Ben Harr wears it as a punchline. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some more bikini browsing to do.

Who's going to Night Ranger/Dennis DeYoung?

It's the first 80s double-bill of the new year for Tampa Bay and it's a good one: Dennis DeYoung with Night Ranger on Jan. 19 at Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall.

Please tell me I'm not the only one going to the show. Hello out there! Who else from the 80s nation here in Tampa Bay is planning on attending? I think you'd regret missing this rare twin bill.

Here's the real reason I want to know: If all goes according to plan, I'll be back on stage doing the introductions that night. And I'll be filmed for Penn & Teller's show on the Showtime cable network (called, not so family friendly, "Bullsh*t" -- only without the asterisk). They'd like to film me talking to fans from the podcast and blog at the concert, so if you're up for being on national TV, let me know.

Sure, I realize that appearing on their show pretty much means I'll be getting non-stop abuse for my love of the 80s -- something completely irrational to outsiders. It's ironic, however, because Penn Jillette & Teller (his legal name now after changing it from Raymond Teller) got their start in the 80s -- both with their comedic magic act and appearances in movies like "My Chauffeur" and "Off Beat."

So drop me a comment or better yet -- write an e-mail to me at stuckinthe80s@tampabay.com -- if you're attending the show. It'll be one for the history books.

Share a birthday beer with Ted Danson

Ted Danson, everyone's favorite barkeep, turns 60 years old today. (His hairpiece turns 25.)

It'd be super-easy to sing his "Cheers" praises. (Favorite rambling Sam Malone line: "To me, our relationship makes perfect sense. You want me to propose to you, I propose to you. You say no, I say fine, I never wanna see you again. You drive me nuts telling me you want me to propose again, I do, you turn me down. Next thing I know I'm in a court of law where I've got to propose to you or go to jail. It's the classic American love story.")

But let's try something more difficult: Pointing out the best movies Danson made in the 80s. (Crickets, crickets.)

Truth be told, our man Ted had a pretty decent career in the big screen, though even some of his die-hard fans have forgotten the titles. He's still cranking out the movies, with two in the bag already for 2008 ("The Human Contract" and "Mad Money.") But until we see those, try out today's top 5 list.

TOP 5 TEN DANSON MOVIES OF THE 80s:

5. A FINE MESS (1986): "She can't whistle while she works so she hums."

4. THREE MEN & A BABY (1987): "I'll bring you guys something back from Turkey. Maybe a drumstick."

3. CREEPSHOW (1982): "You can't shoot us dead, Richard ... because we're already dead!"

2. BODY HEAT (1981): "I've been living vicariously off of you for years. You shut up on me now, all I have is my wife."

1. COUSINS (1989): "Maria, would you dance with me?... Then, how about spending the rest of your life with me?"

I know, I know. "Cousins" is an odd pick for the top Danson movie. At times, it seems largely unwatchable, except for the parts with Lloyd Bridges and the wedding scene where the groom and pregnant bride are sharing their first dance -- to a U2 song. But it's also the only movie where you see much of Teddy. And anytime you get to sleep with Isabella Rossellini, well, that should count for something.

Cool present: Free online TV shows

Santa Chase (aka Chase Squires) still loves the Stuck in the 80s crowd, so he's sharing a secret present with all of us: Free movies and TV programming on the Web.

According to Chase, who served so brilliantly as the Times TV critic and podcast guest host on the Miami Vice episode, NBC Universal and News Corp. are beta-testing a new service called Hulu.com, an online service that seems to have tons of TV shows and movies already available for viewing -- if you have password. (If you don't have one, it's too late, Chase says.)

But Chase discovered that if you type in www.hulu.com/embed/x (where x is replaced by a number from 2 to 1801), you'll magically get a TV show streaming into your Web browser.

"Doogie Howser" appears in the 100 range. For "Miami Vice," check 440-450. For the "A-Team," start looking around 250. If you're feeling more naughty than nice, hunt around and discover the location of other shows and movies.

Somewhere in there, according to Chase, is the entire movie "The Breakfast Club." Another website -- OPENHulu -- also has cataloged and embedded a lot of the shows already as well.

Don't forget to stop by Chase's blog and give thanks.