Poking Fun at Carole Jean (and Charlie Crist)

On the heels of the memo Republican Party chairwoman Carole Jean Jordan sent to Katherine Harris to pressure her out of the U.S. Senate race, comes this satire from the Democrats.

Dear Charlie,

I have fashioned a grand new way for you to win in 2006. Using a very simple strategy, I know we can squeak out a victory in November - even if Katherine isn't in a position to count the ballots. I call the strategy "Say Anything."

My suggestion is simple. If you have any doubt about which position to take on an issue: take more than one. Just make sure you tell people what you think they want to hear. If your first answer isn't right, try again with something different. This isn't necessarily a new idea to you, but I'd like us to fully focus our campaign around a double-talking, flip-flopping strategy I like to call "Crist-Crossing."

So here's what you do: Go on TV and claim you're going to fix it. DO NOT offer any details. I repeat: DO NOT offer any details. If pressed, just copy Tom or the Democrat Party, depending on the audience.

Yours truly,

Carole Jean

Comments

[Alex Leary]

Here is the full satire, as released by the Democrats:

*CONFIDENTIAL* RPOF MEMO *CONFIDENTIAL*

To: Charlie Crist
From: Carole Jean Jordan
RE: Strategy Memo
Date: May 8, 2006

Dear Charlie,

I have fashioned a grand new way for you to win in 2006. Using a very simple strategy, I know we can squeak out a victory in November – even if Katherine isn't in a position to count the ballots. I call the strategy, “Say Anything.”

(I sent a letter to Katherine telling her I’m revoking RPOF support for her campaign and that she needs to get out for the sake of the party, but she claims the President told her not to ‘cut and run.’ No one will find out about that letter, and I plan to continue pretending that I’m supporting her campaign in public.)

Why do I think we need a new strategy? Let me explain. You have done a spectacular job of secretly smearing Tom Gallagher, but the liberal media’s excessive coverage of Florida ’s insurance crisis, Iraq , Katrina, the Dubai ports deal, the stalled economy, failed Medicare Part D, and our crusade against Social Security has left us with two big problems.

1) The public is disillusioned with Republicans, and 2) Our base is not energized.

You remember the original plan: Prop up Katherine + Call Bill Nelson ‘liberal’ = Turn out the base = GOP wins from the top down. Katherine said this would get us to 53 percent. That plan does not appear to be working. Apparently, people are not buying the ‘liberal’ attack, and Katherine has gotten herself into some trouble. You may have seen it on the news.

Worse yet, the Democrat Party has put forth an agenda that is clear, concise and polls a little too well for comfort. They even have a realistic plan to reduce insurance rates (not that it will stop me from saying they have no ideas!). This perfect storm forces us to chart a new course in this campaign.

My suggestion is simple. If you have any doubt about which position to take on an issue: take more than one. Just make sure you tell people what you think they want to hear. If your first answer isn’t right, try again with something different.

This isn’t necessarily a new idea to you, but I’d like us to fully focus our campaign around a double-talking, flip-flopping strategy I like to call “Crist-Crossing.” I just love how you have handled the abortion issue. First, you were pro-choice, then you were strongly in favor the South Dakota abortion ban, and then you weren’t. You’ve proven that if you take a bunch of positions on an issue, then no one knows for sure what you think… translation: they can’t attack you. This is what I’m talking about.

I think this is how you and I should handle every issue. On the insurance “crisis,” you know as well as I do that Jeb doesn’t want to do anything about it. He needs insurance industry money for ’12 (I know, I know, I’ve been telling him to go for ’08, too, but he seems to think people will need a break from strong Bush leadership at that point).

So here’s what you do: Go on TV and claim you’re going to fix it. DO NOT offer any details. I repeat: DO NOT offer any details. If pressed, just copy Tom or the Democrat Party, depending on the audience.

Another example: gay rights. I’m so glad you voiced your support for the constitutional ban on same-sex marriage, but I’m hearing that the liberal media (especially in South Florida ) likes your pro-civil union message. Keep that up (just not north of West Palm). Up here, I’m telling everybody that you’re one of them – anti-gay all the way!

This strategy also works anytime the Democrat Party brings up things like linking school funding to the FCAT, skyrocketing insurance costs, bottom-of-the-barrel graduation rates, lack of affordable housing, etc. Think back to our time-honored tradition of ‘ignore, ignore, ignore’: Just “Say Anything” to get away from talking about those issues.

For our part, RPOF will continue to spout divisive rhetoric while demonizing the Democrat Party whenever they point out the obvious incongruity. Karl says that’s still polling well.

Yours truly,

Carole Jean

P.S. Last thing: I think that the Convergys hullabaloo has died down. Can you put in a call to get us another check ASAP? Thanks a “million” (ok, ok, I’ll settle $250,000 – they owe us!).
Note: This news release is satirical and does not represent actual statements by Carole Jean Jordan or the Republican Party of Florida … well, at least to the Florida Democratic Party’s knowledge at this time.

###

Paid for and authorized by the Florida Democratic Party, www.fladems.com .

[izzy]

is this third-grade stunt the best the Dems can offer??

[buddy]

HAHAHAHA right on Ds. GO TOM GO

[GOP Boss]

It is good to see that the Democrat Party has finally stopped using ethnicity as a campaign ploy.

They didn't use the word "tan" once today.

Way to go, Donkeys!

[GOP Boss]

buddy,

The Democrats appear to know more about the GOP primary than you do:

Crist is going to win the primary.

[eRwinneR]

an unmarried middle-aged white guy with a six figure salary dropping the race card is crazy. playing the victim is so democrat-like and why the dems always lose. lefty reporters might think crist came out on top of that (with no supporting evidence except their own egos) but ask your average joe and they'd say crist left gallagher an opening with that stupid response. You're WHITE charlie.

this is FLORIDA, my fellow republicans. tan is not a bad thing, unless you make it. remember, the victim is the one who usually loses in politics, especially when you make yourself the victim.

[buddy]

just wait for the bomb to drop...

[buddy]

political bomb, not real bomb, of course

Way to go Donkey's? You mean ASSES!

Wow, they are really scared of Charlie. They want Gallagher bad... they know they can beat him.

There is a reason their mascot is the ASS!

My 5 year old son could do better than that. Pathetic.

[skip]

Republicans really can't take a joke. RPOF is probably in a tizzy over this. Hahaha. Funny 'cause it's true.

Your 5yrold might enjoy this:

The Outstanding Public Debt as of 01 Aug 2006 at 04:14:41 PM GMT is:
$ 8,427,589,599,644.70

The estimated population of the United States is 299,217,444
so each citizen's share of this debt is $28,165.44.

[GOP Boss]

skipper,

I doubt anyone is sweating this memo at the Party HQ.

RPOF staffers are probably re-reading the Mason-Dixon poll from last week that shows Crist ahead by 18-16 points against the 2 Donkeys.

Or maybe they're too busy counting Davis's missed votes in Congress to notice.

In any case, they aren't worried about this non-event.

from the length, rambling path and juvenile nature this sure looks like something a frustrated ex-reporter might author.

It's not even funny.

This just goes to show why humor is such a finnicky tool in politics - if you can properly use it (and it wasn't here) then don't use it.

Karen Thurman just took one more step towards political insignificance...

Published Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Gallagher's Lemonade Stand

Life handed Tom Gallagher some lemons Friday. The Florida Commission on Ethics found probable cause that Gallagher, the state's chief financial officer who is running for governor this year, violated state ethics laws. He was trading stocks of insurance companies that he regulated while he was state insurance commissioner in 2002.

Gallagher also earned the dubious honor of being the first Cabinet member to have a probable cause finding from the Ethics Commission in its 32-year history..

Gallagher was way behind Attorney General Charlie Crist in the Republican primary polls before the campaign took on the latest bushel-basket of lemons.

Time to make the lemonade. Said Gallagher in a press release: "I'm pleased that the commission's investigation confirmed what I have said all along: that I never misused my office and that I never gave preferential treatment to any company. I have earned the trust of the voters through almost three decades of work as a public servant, and I have always . . ." etc., etc., and so forth.

His lemonade is a little light on the sugar. True, the commission said Gallagher didn't misuse his office for personal gain, and said it was OK for him to use his personal computer to day-trade stocks from his Capitol office.

But there still is a really tart taste, mainly caused by the acidic comments from the Ethics Commission investigators: Gallagher's stock trading "created a conflict of interest, notwithstanding the short duration of ownership, slight ownership interest, and minimal profit or loss."

Some pretty big lemon seeds seem to have wound up in Gallagher's pitcher as well. Notably, there is Florida Statute 112.313(7): "No public officer or employee of an agency shall have or hold any employment or contractual relationship with any business entity or any agency which is subject to the regulation of, or is doing business with, an agency of which he or she is an officer or employee."

The $68,000 invested in the two companies produced a net profit of about $6,000. Gallagher's lawyer dismissed the amounts as "de minimis." It's legal shorthand for the Latin phrase, "De minimis non curat lex" -- the law does not concern itself with small things."

J.M. "Mac" Stipanovich, a lobbyist and adviser to GOP governors who supports Crist, had another view: "If Gallagher thinks that this is de minimis, this is a clear indication of exactly how ethically challenged he is. If they can name any other governor or major candidate for governor that's ever been found by the commission to have probably violated Florida's ethics laws, I'd like to know who it is."

The Ethics Commission issued an opinion 15 years ago saying it was a conflict of interest and illegal for the state comptroller to own stocks of banks the state regulated. But there are many interpretations about holding the stock of a company, and it has generally been viewed that a public official must have 1 percent ownership before a potential conflict is reached.

Under that interpretation, Gallagher would have to have had $52 million invested in one company he was dabbling with in 2004 while a matter was pending before the Cabinet.

When the stock-trading issue came to light in February, Gov. Jeb Bush told the St. Petersburg Times: "I think it's a pretty high threshold. I think it's a safer thing to do to put your assets in a blind trust. It's created a lot less heartburn for me."

If Bush wants to continue avoiding heartburn, he should stay away from Gallagher's latest batch of lemonade.

this was for you Bruce,

Thanks the real GOPN1

[bubba]

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. love it when republicans can't handle a joke.

To: Tom Gallagher
From: Democrats
RE: Strategy Memo
Date: May 1, 2006

Dear Tom,

As you can see we have been loyal and faithful supporters of your campaign as we attack real Republcans. We would like to thank you for staying in the race and helping our Democratic message. We have unleashed all our Democratic bloggers to support and talk good about you on the blogs Tom as we want you!!!and we once again thank you for your supporting us in the past in criticizing school choice, supporting new taxes and opposing school prayer, you are a true supporter of our Democratic message. Thank you Tom for your support of our Democratic efforts to win the Governors Manion and defeat Republicans.

We will continue to attack "real" Republicans Like Carole Jean Jordan and Charlie Crist and will continue to protect you and not criticize you.

Your Friends
Tthe DEMOCRATS

Adam, please enforce your policy and remove the 1:18 off-topic post re: Gallagher.

lol

as a Republican, I think the D's letter was actually pretty funny.

for one, it shows they fear Charlie more than Tom, two: it was pretyy satirical and witty. If they can do that against Charlie, think of the field day they'd have with Gallagher. Three, the D's need to come up with something...calling someone out for no ideas is even funnier when it comes from thise who have none of their own. Four, laugh now Democrats, but don't whine when your "Age of Insignificance" continues in Florida for the next decade

Adam, you removed the Crist rape post because that violated your policy AND hurt Charlie. You refuse to remove posts which violate your policy and hurt Gallagher. Are we supposed to believe there is no bias?

[ConcernedCitizen]

Rumor has it adam and charlie where seen together at hotel in Tally!

To: Tom Gallagher
From: Democrats
RE: Strategy Memo #2
Date: May 2, 2006

Dear Tom,

We would just like to once again thank you for your wonderful support of our Democratic message and you longstanding support attacking school choice, supporting new taxes and opposing school prayer, you are a true supporter of our Democratic message.

We have release our bloogers to attack both the St Pete Times and to spread false rumors on your behalf as we know that you have so much baggage that you are unable to do, we Democrats are happy to continue our lonstanding support and help for you Tom Gallagher as we Democrats know Tom Gallagher is our man. Look for nasty rumors and attacks against the St. Pete Times, Republicans and others to start appearing as our Democratics are committed to supporting Tom Gallagher.

PS. Please know this is a confidential Memo as we do not wish for it to be released to the Bloggs or any other source as the first one was, you may need to double check the security of your campaign staff.

Your Friends
The DEMOCRATS

[pardon moi]

actually, 3:03 needs to be deleted, because the anon blogger is attempting to spread an untrue, unfounded rumour without quoting it in its entirety.

the topic of this blog is the governor's race, and the post that you are seeking to remove is about... the governor's race.

that's not "off-topic" as you state.

Pardon moi... this blog is about the Carole Jean letter to Crist... not about TG Ethics... This blog shouldn't be a place where CV can spam us with unnecessary cut and paste thats unrelated to the specific story. I am not trying to spread any rumor. I think that post about Crist was disgusting and properly deleted. But I think Adam should be consistent in enforcing all of his policy.

12:17

He can afford it.

[pardon moi]

3:03: if "Gallagher's lemonade stand" editorial so offensive as a post, then feel free to use the "Gallagher key" on your keyboard: the down arrow.

again, you mentioned the unfounded rumour in your 3:35 post. weak move. very weak.

[Pardon Moi]

Pardon Moi... I don't create the policies... I just want them enforced so we're fair to both candidates. Plus... off-topic cut and paste posts ARE annoying.

[terminator]

Boy the Dems hit the nail right on the head with that one.

Old "flip-flopper, sun tan, empty suit, empty head, appease whatever group you're talking to Charlie".

Maybe Brett should get these guys on the TG team.

The whole "color of my skin" thing is so weak. Is that the best Lemiux could do? The inference is obviously to CC's sexual orientation (or lack thereof), not his Greek heritage as he maintains.

What will GOP primary voters do when they find out Charlie's a cupcake?

Don't forget, CC has come out in support of civil unions and gay adoption.

He is a staunch ally of Senator Mel Martinez who voted to extend YOUR social security benefits to illegal aliens.

He has received hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from Sergio Pino, a Miami developer who is under federal investigation for campaign finance violations.

He still courts support from racist, defrocked pastor O'Neal Dozier who was booted off the Broward JQC by Jeb for his inflammatory statements against Muslims.

Still think CC is running a great campaign?

To: Tom Gallagher
From: Democrats
RE: Strategy Memo #3
Date: May 2, 2006

Dear Tom,

As our most valued Democratic supported candidate, we hope you are pleased with our Democratic bloggers attacking the St. Pete Times and and "real" Republicans. We Democrats know you Tom are our only hope. As you can see our Democratic bloggers are hard at work attacking real republicans and the Sp Times to support you.

Your Friends
The DEMOCRATS

To: Tom Gallagher
From: Democrats
RE: Strategy Memo #4
Date: August 2, 2006

Dear Tom,

As our most valued Democratic supported candidate, We have unleashed our most active Democratic blogger "Terminator" (one of our Wonderful Democratic Teacher Union Lobbyist) to support you on the. We democrats intend on attacking "real" Republicans Tom in support of you our only Democratic hope.

We have provided documentation below of Terminator Democratic Credentials, and his opposition to Jeb Bush. We hope you are pleased with his support and his attacking of "real" Republicans.

Your Friends
The DEMOCRATS

Enclosure:
-------------------------------------
terminator said...
11:56 AM, June 17, 2006

...."Jeb's approach was to shove far right wing ideas down people's throats and that didn't sit well with many."....
---------------------------------

[hasta la vista baby]

terminator,

i thought i smelled you wandering in the neighborhood. still stinking this place up just like gallagher??

gallagher's "team" hasn't done a bad job with what they've been handed. gallagher, though, has been the mel gibson of this campaign: one PR misstep after another.

daytrading insurance stocks, ethics violations, restraining order, wacky weed as a state rep, etc.

try to revive your guy, if you must, but we all know he's toast.

hasta

[terminator]

Hasta:
your guy is starting to stink really bad. The more he talks, the more he stinks.

That's whats going to be CC's downfall. When he actually has to say something substantive and can't refer to his cliff notes or doesn't have Lemiux, Mac or Brian Ballard to tell him what to say.

That't the "sun tan" Charlie we all know and love.

Just keep talking CC. The more you talk the more your poll numbers drop.

[PanhandleRepublican]

Can someone explain to me why they are voting for CC?

Please and dont give a dumb answer like"I support cc because he is not TG"

Please please please give me a sincere answer as to why you would support CC?

Everyday I think about it, I have no clue why people would vote for him. Well he is a nice gay guy!

[terminator]

CV:
why are you posting anonymously these days?

I am a registered Republican. I just don't like CC.

terminator said...

"Just keep talking CC. The more you talk the more your poll numbers drop"

its comments like that that TOTALLY UNDERMINE everything you say on this blog

[hasta la vista baby]

terminal,

it must be lonely on the blogs these days. so few gallagher fans left.

stemberger is touring the state interviewing judges. even hanna is showing his soft side with those sappy "revive tom" ads.

and, you can name plenty of crist folks who are thriving in the midst of the Geat Gllagher Downfall.

it's upon us already.

hasta

[zenator]

Termie:

My answer is "yes." I still believe that CC is running a great campaign.

If, to the contrary, you believe that CC is running a poor campaign while being up by 20-30 points, what does that say relative to TG's campaign?

PanHandle:
I am voting for Charlie Crist for the following reasons: 1) He has never voted for a tax increase 2) His tough stance on crime 3)His view that we should have less government 4)He is a kind and moral person - there are no skeletons in his past like infidelity, drug use in his 40's and as an elected official, sleazy business deals etc., etc. In fact, for all the positive reasons I am voting for Charlie there are as many negatives about Gallagher that would have pushed me there anyway.

So, you wanted a sincere answer - you have one.

[Ed Holtzman]

Just heard the first public statement made by Stink(Sink),our new State CFO,since yesterdays midterm election. Her comment on Fox 5:00 News; "I think it would be illegal to prevent Ins Co.s from doing other Ins such as auto if they won't do homeowners. Atta girl Stink protect those Ins. Co.s they did get you elected