Joan Collins called: She wants her shoulder pads back
No. Nope. Huh-uh. Absolutely, no frickin' way.
Fashion Week is underway in New York City, and all I can say is, holy terror on the runway. In place of where the models' bony shoulders should be, huge mounds of foam are perched and hidden beneath some very expensive fabric. Shoulder pads are back.
In the name of all that is good and wearable, ladies, I beg of you: Stand up and unite against this horrid '80s trend. Have we learned nothing from fashion's ugliest decade? We put away our Aqua Net hairspray, said goodbye to Dynasty-inspired blouses and sky-high bangs. We rid our wardrobes of Swatch watches, scrunchies and acid-wash jeans. Okay, so we've let leggings and skinny jeans creep back in, and maybe we'll paint our nails neon colors this spring.
But shoulder pads? REALLY??!!
Write your legislators. Tell them that Miss Sixty, Diane von Furstenberg, Herve Leger, BCBG, Jason Wu, Nicole Miller and Alexander Wang have all gone and lost their minds, and the dear citizens of decent dressing want them set straight ASAP. A fashion bailout, if you will.
"Shoulder pads scare people but remember, runway is a fairy tale," Teen Vogue fashion director Gloria Baume told the Associated Press. "Now we have to figure out how to make it real."
Or, hmm, how 'bout we figure out how to make shoulder pads -- the design disaster that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, no matter how lacking in square proportions her shoulders may be -- go away FOREVER!
~ Deal Diva Colleen
(Photos: Miss Sixty designs, captured by the AP)
Stephanie Hayes came out of the womb wearing high heels. While other kids were reciting multiplication tables, she was learning to calculate an extra third off the half-price discount during buy-one-get-one week. She loves animal prints, black mascara and anything that sparkles. She objects to visible panty lines, Crocs and anything that costs more than a car payment. And she doesn't drive a nice car. She can be reached at (727) 893-8857 or 
Since she was a little girl Nicole Hutcheson dreamed of dressing like a Vogue cover girl. But her reality was more JCPenney catalog. The fact only honed her better ability to find luxury for less. Always on the hunt for markdowns on designer labels, this Deal Diva’s weaknesses are good jeans and killer heels. She can be reached at (727) 893-8828 or 
Colleen Jenkins learned two invaluable shopping tenets from her mom: 1. Buy quality. 2. Get it on sale. Then she added one of her own: Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize! This Deal Diva’s idea of a blissful Saturday includes a trip to the Ellenton outlet mall. She loves mixing classic with trendy and cheap Target accessories with her markdown Banana Republic duds. She can be reached at (813) 226-3337 or 
A disciple of the little black dress classics school, Letitia Stein stretches her budget by looking for styles with staying power. She lives for 80 percent off shoes at DSW, floral sundresses and bohemian chic tops. She confesses to being a bit of a snob when it comes to handbags and jewelry. She can be reached at (813) 226-3400 or 
Finally, maybe hair will get volume again too, this decade has been sucking majorly, the 80's rocked, I just turned 18 and I hate ugg boots, low rise jeans, flares, anything neutral, and those awful crocs, how about attacking those atrocities first. I think now or the 90's is the worst fashion decade ever, period.
Posted by: Zoey | February 23, 2009 at 03:41 PM
Hah! Score one for Rosemary!
Posted by: Stephanie Hayes | February 18, 2009 at 10:23 PM
Hey Steve,
I just asked my husband and he says he doesn't hate my capris (except the lime green ones with the turtles on them, which he has a point about). But you have to get the proportion right or they make you look dumpy.
However, my father always said that parachute pants make you look like you pooped yourself. I'm pretty sure my husband would agree. Even if he didn't I will always think of them as "poopy pants" so I will never wear them.
Shoulder pads. Never again. I still cringe at the vivid purple coat with the huge shoulders, though I loved it at the time.
Posted by: Rosemary | February 18, 2009 at 09:50 PM
Steve, your fashion gurus need some cute little reading glasses. Look at that catsuit with the bondage cummerbund: Its neckline is so wide it doesn't have a shoulder to put a pad in. Just big puffy sleeves -- almost puffy enough to balance a pair of those Boy George pants.
Posted by: Colette | February 18, 2009 at 06:35 PM
I'm no expert on shoulder pads, having wide, natural and muscular ones myself. But I'm assured by the fashion gurus here that there are shoulder pads there.
By the way, females in parachute pants? Total bliss!
Keep those capri pants far away. Or save for them for the Girls Night Out showing of "Sex in the City." Me and the '80s ladies will be all parachuted out for that "Red Dawn" showing at Tampa Theater. Wolverines!
Posted by: Steve Spears | February 18, 2009 at 03:12 PM
Steve, capris vs. parachute pants? Dude, I'd rather look like Laura Petrie than Boy George any day. But I'm a little puzzled by the pics with this column. Having worn plenty of scary 80s shoulder pads myself, I don't see shoulder pads in either of the items pictured. They do have puffed sleeves (a 60s style -- they featured in a truly scary green velvet bridesmaid dress I got stuck wearing). But no discernible shoulder pads (which build up the area between the sleeve seam and the neck opening).
Posted by: Colette | February 18, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Can I point out what's going to be an unpopular 2 cents? What about us gals that are tall and thin as rails (believe me, we don't WANT to be that way!) We look like 12 year old boys. Shoulder pads - not the huge ones - but the smaller ones helped us look like we had some semblance of a womanly shape. So, I for one will welcome them back - to some degree anyway. Just saying...
Posted by: Wait a minute! | February 18, 2009 at 09:13 AM
Sigh, in the name of compromise, I guess I'll give you your acid wash jeans. I won't wear them, but I suppose there are worse things in the world to have to look at. :)
Posted by: Deal Diva Colleen | February 18, 2009 at 09:12 AM
I sense a compromise: I'll agree that shoulder pads have to go. But you gotta let acid-washed jeans come back to the world of respectibility.
We all agree crocs and backpacks should never have happened.
And we'll just agree that men hate capris (they make you look like Laura Petrie) but women love them anyway.
(And we can all agree that thigh-high leather boots are timeless.)
Posted by: Steve Spears | February 18, 2009 at 08:15 AM
WHOA! A Stuck in the 80s-Deal Divas crossover smackdown! I don't know what to think! I'm with you on Crocs and tiny backpacks, Spearsy (though I haven't seen one of those since 1997). But I'm with Colleen on shoulder pads. Can't we all get along?
Posted by: Stephanie Hayes | February 17, 2009 at 06:32 PM
Steve,
I love capris! (Though you are correct, Crocs should be banished to fashion hell.) I stand by my "worst fashion decade ever" statement, but for transparency's sake, admit that my view is certainly influenced by my many, many personal 1980s fashion mistakes and the ugly pictures I have to prove it. (The bad perm, braces and horrid glasses probably didn't help.)
Posted by: Deal Diva Colleen | February 17, 2009 at 05:51 PM
Fashion's WORST decade? Take that back! The grunge era was worse. And today's distressed jean phenom is much worse than acid-washed jeans. Today's jeans look like someone dragged through through a barnyard.
Likewise, you can take your Crocs, capris, and tiny little backpacks and throw them into a bottomless pit.
The 80s may have brought us some parachute pants, but we still have our pride!
(Oh yeah, and disco ... aka "house music" today ... still sucks.)
Posted by: Steve Spears | February 17, 2009 at 05:16 PM
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Lori | February 17, 2009 at 01:37 PM