Red lipstick saves the day!

So, I got back to work from vacation in the middle of the week, and I'm discombobulated. I haven't unpacked or done any laundry. My bangs are being little evil witches that WON'T LAY RIGHT. My body clock is all screwed up. And for some reason, my once-attractive self tanner has crackled on my skin into something that resembles the scales of Lizard Man, High Priest of Lohan Swamp.

I'm a mess, is what I'm saying. So what do I do when I feel like a mess? Red lipstick!

It is the easiest, quickest way to PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN. Even if you're wearing baggy jeans from 10 pounds ago with black Bubble Yum suckered to the butt, and you haven't done your roots in three months, and you have Mount Vesuvius on the side of your face, the lipstick looks great.

Red lipstick makes your teeth look whiter and your lips look fuller. It adds cheeky glamour to any look. Think of all the times Gwen Stefani has trotted around in, like, wrestling boots, cutoff shorts and her signature red lip. It pulls it all together, regardless of what you're wearing. And it never goes out of style.

Try it, I'm serious. You'll feel pretty. Here are some of my red lip tips:

KEEP IT COOL: Choose a shade with cool blue undertones. Anything with orange or coral hints will make your teeth look yellow. Try MAC's Viva Glam lipstick in intense brownish blue red.

IN THE LINES: Wear lip liner. Some makeup artists poo-poo lip liner, especially for young women, as it can be aging. But for something this drastic, you need to avoid Granny lip runs. Choose a nude shade, or one slightly lighter than your lipstick, and blend it -- no severe lines. If you color your entire lip first, it will also help maintain the color through the day. Try Cover Girl's Outlast liner in nude.

GLOSS IT OVER: You want to keep this look young and fresh, so add a dab of gloss to the center of your lower lip. It will give the illusion of fullness without making you look like a Vaseline pot. I LOVE Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush gloss, on sale now, three for $15 or six for $20. I have about 20 of them. Try Juiced Berry or Red Delicious shades for a candy apple top coat. Bonus -- they taste great.

SMILE!: You have successfully drawn the focus away from your eyebrows, which you haven't plucked in 37 days! You go, glam girl.

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: Times files, Victoriassecret.com

Comments

[illiterategirl]

I got MAC Russian Red recently, and have worn it once to a wedding. I'll definitely do it again. I felt like an old school movie star!

[Red Wearer]

That second to last sentence should have read, "Please do not (encourage) the use of red in the wrong ways!"

[Red Wearer]

I'd have to disagree. Red lipstick can't be pulled off by everyone - I think that's obvious, and throwing it on with a disheveled, unplanned outfit can be a disaster (see Courtney Love). The photo contributing to this article of Gwen Stefani is the way to wear red lipstick. Her makeup is light around the face and eyes, and the only bold part is her lipstick. You can't go heavy on shadows when going with red lips because it's an easy overdose. The outfit accompanying red lipstick must be sleek and classy. A fitted trench such as Stefani's is perfect, be it leopard or solid black. Please do not encouraging the use of red in the wrong ways! It could be a real nightmare!

[Jan]

For crackly scales, stained palms, and all other self-tanning malfunctions try:

----> St. Tropez Self-Tan Remover

It's a white mush that comes in individual travel packets and it exfoliates the mess away immediately.

Available on line