I Scream, You Scream...

Also, we should pause for a moment to think about some of the stupidest, wrongest flavors. The ice creams that should have you cast out of the tribe to wander the wilderness alone in perpetuity:

1. Dippin Dots. WHY? Is there food in this food?

2. Rum Raisin, the flavor of crabby, cardigan-wearing men who drink Ovaltine for fun.

3. Neapolitan. Hardly even a flavor. And get this: this muddled, stripey non-flavor makes up 4.8 percent of overall ice cream sales (vanilla is 26 percent, chocolate 12.9, strawberry 4.3 and cookies ‘n’ cream 4)

4. Baskin Robbins Orange Sherbet on a Plain Cone. The children who reflexively order this grow up to suffer from borderline personality disorder.

5. Bubblegum, the kind with the full-sized bubblegum balls. It’s a logistical problem. Eat the ice cream and cone, spitting the balls one by one onto a napkin for future use? Ew. Or tuck all the balls in one cheek and masticate all the rest of the stuff on the other side? Very difficult. Chew it all up and swallow it, gum and all? That’s seven years in your stomach, I hear.

6. Polly Ann’s Durian (San Francisco). You know, that fruit that smells like there’s something unfortunate on the bottom of your shoe?

7. Mario Batalli’s olive oil and sea salt ice cream. Puleeeze.

8-10 are all of the savory Japanese ice cream flavors that strike terror into this Western heart: soy sauce, octopus, sushi sorbet, etc.

Not disgusting enough? Go here to create your own vile ice cream flavor.

Comments

[Janet Keeler]

My father used to get so ticked at us as kids because we would eat the Neopolitan ice cream vertically. First the chocolate, then the vanilla and never the strawberry. All that was left when he got to the carton was a canyon wall of strawberry.

I made homemade chocolate ice cream over the weekend with bittersweet chocolate. Dee-lish!

[Janet Keeler]

My father used to get so ticked at us as kids because we would eat the Neopolitan ice cream vertically. First the chocolate, then the vanilla and never the strawberry. All that was left when he got to the carton was a canyon wall of strawberry.

I made homemade chocolate ice cream over the weekend with bittersweet chocolate. Dee-lish!

[Holly]

Oh no, I love Orange Sherbert, but I don't order it out at an ice cream shop. I like to eat it straight from one of those plastic tubs from the gocery store in the summer. It's very refreshing. And bubblegum-flavored anything (besides bubblegum) always made me wretch as a kid.

[The Mouth]

Janet, here's my question: what's that other flavor called, the one with the vanilla, strawberry, and PISTACHIO stripes? Is that also, technically, neapolitan?

[A. Smedley]

Isn't that classified as "spumoni?"

[The Mouth]

Ah, A. Smedley, you've come to the rescue. Ice cream must be your life.

[Janet Keeler]

Right, spumoni. That's the stuff you get in Italian restaurants in ice-cold metal dishes.

[Jay Cridlin]

An important point about Dippin' Dots: They bill themselves as "The Ice Cream Of The Future." You have to appreciate the sheer guts it took to suggest and then green-light that bombastic, self-aggrandizing slogan. And if their terrifying prophecy ever comes to pass, it will mark the first time in American history that snack foods actually get SMALLER with the passage of time.

[Josh Korr]

My favorite thing about Dippin Dots is they have been claiming that Ice Cream of the Future mantle SINCE 1988!!! And yet, they're still relegated to theme parks, ballparks, state fairs, and all the other places where "Okay, I'll try it once" gimmick foods live and (eventually, one hopes) die.

[The Mouth]

Jay, it was a funny line, a throw-away line really, but I've just got to disagree with your "snack foods, like the universe, are always expanding" comment. Just not true. I could give you a mountain of evidence, but I'll just say a few carefully chosen words: Twinkies, Ding Dongs (or strangely, a regional renaming, King Dons, so they're less genital-sounding I guess) and HoHos. All smaller than in days of yore. So much so that Dan White's Twinkie defense would now be just, well, laughable.

[Tim]

Spumoni is chocolate, pistachio and cherry. My favorite.

[Carissa]

Dippin' Dots are fantastic for root beer floats. So there.

[Two Travelling Chefs]

Having consumed, inhaled, frozen brained probably a thousand pounds (okay ten thousand pounds) of ice cream, gelato, sorbet, sherbet during the years, there are some that stand out, like, well a sore thumb, and others that will forever remain etched in my brain as celestial.
If you thought that garlic or eggplant ice cream was putrid tasting, how about eel, fried chicken, horseflesh, or a couple of scoops of cypress tree ice cream and charcoal. For my birthday you can make mine a triple with curdled bean, collagen (that should get rid of the wrinkles) and tulip (I am Dutch, but this is ridiculous and true -truly disgusting I would say). For more laughs go to
http://who-sucks.com/food/101-frightening-ice-cream-flavors-from-around-the-world .
That said, my taste buds love to get wrapped around Banana Flambe (mmm ... reminiscent of Commander's Palace's Bananas Foster) , Tre Vaniglie (not due but tre), Coffee Mocha Swirl (coffee and chocolate...perfecto), Baileys with White Chocolate, Creme Brulee, Tiramisu, Panna Cotta, Dulce de Leche and Banana. Bring it on.