Later-hosen!

I've flown the coop. Left on a jet plane to the moderate temperatures and dangerous bridges of Minneapolis, to commune with food writers from newspapers all over the country at the annual American Food Journalists conference. I'll be blogging from here: the Betty Crocker kitchens, a lecture on Native American wild rice, the state fair, a flour-milling museum. Hang on to your hats, you're going to love this stuff.

But first, I'd like to take a moment to complain about airplane food. Not in the way we USED to complain about airplane food: "Ooh, salisbury steak. How gross." "My lasagna was totally cold" "There were carrot coins in the vegetable medley." No, the complaining is different now.

There is no food.

You can travel on multiple legs of a journey, all day long really, and never get offered anything that might, even at a squint, be called a meal. As a new elementary school student, my daughter once took what was euphemistically called a "bistro bag" from the outstretched arms of the flight attendant. She peered into it and pronounced, with great disdain, "it's like snack time at preschool."

Truer words have never been spoken. And the multiple little plastic-encased things you do get are all carbs: crackers and cookies and chips. It gives me a buzzy, carbo-loading headache just thinking about it. What about the food pyramid, Fancy Airline Execs?

Comments

[KS]

Is this stuff really that much cheaper for the airlines than the old frozen chicken with mushrooms sauce carrot dimes? Do you think they get some kick backs from the snack food companies for "product placement?"

[The Mouth]

KS, I think you've hit the nail on the head. Pringles top brass is craftily insinuating their new weird flavors into our our collective subconscious when we're most vulnerable, at 30,000 feet.

[Sue T.]

I recently flew from Montego Bay, Jamaica, to New York's JFK on American Airlines, and we didn't even get a tiny bag of peanuts or pretzels. A friend of mine just returned from a trip to Hawaii on ATA, and she said they didn't get a single edible on the 4+ hour flight either. It's all about the $5 snack boxes now. Bring your own -- or starve! I try to pack a few Clif Bars to stave off hunger pangs.

[A. Smedley]

And if you deign to register complaint about such shortfalls or other flight discomforts, the largest, scariest flight attendant will summon you to quietly step behind the curtain and bear her unrestrained wrath for your cheekiness in pleading like Oliver Twist, "Please, can I have some more?"

[Richard Guzinya]

America is too fat. Lose some weight. Bring a light sandwich. Every step of air travel includes stuff that costs 3x what it should. Don't cry about missing peanuts. Eat three squares. Everyone is hung up on snack treats. "Bored? I'll snack. When does the B-grade movie start? Will I receive a cavity search in the next stop-over airport? Where should I hide my weed and pepper spray?"

[Hoogyboogie]

You are all so wonderfully clever!