Cell phone use in restaurants

We all have them. They're kind of like unruly pets we all sheepishly keep indulging. But does that mean we put them on the table next to the salt and pepper, answering the extra-loud Super Mario Brothers theme ringtone every 2 minutes? By the way, that ringtone is #4 on this week's Billboard top ringtone chart. The rest:

1 John Carpenter, Halloween   (very seasonal, don't you think?) 
2  Henry Mancini, Pink Panther    
3 Grupo Montez De Durango, Adios Amor Te Vas      
5 50 Cent, Candy Shop
6 Nickelback, Rockstar   
7 Beyonce, Irreplaceable      
8 Afroman, Because I Got High   
9 50 Cent, Best Friend
10 Rascal Flatts, What Hurts The Most

But I digress. What's the prevailing wisdom on cell phone use in restaurants? Step outside? Put it on vibrate? We all know we talk louder on the phone than we do to our tablemates (because the earpiece isn't connected to the microphone so the user can't really hear himself speaking). Is volume the central problem? Or is it that we leave our tablemates gazing, embarrassed, off into the middle distance while we take a call?

Is there a way to make it less rude?  And for a while there were restaurants with little "please turn off your cell phone signs"--that seems to have gone out the window. Does this mean restaurants, and patrons, are just resigned to shouting and Super Mario Brothers accompanying their meals?

$$$tupid

In my quest to mock stupid-expensive foodstuffs, the following have come to my attention:

Stupid-Expensive Dessert:

A Sri Lankan resort is charging $14,500 for what it calls the world's most expensive dessert, a fruit infused confection complete with a chocolate sculpture and a gigantic gemstone. "The Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence" was created to give visitors at The Fortress resort in the coastal city of Galle a one-of-a-kind experience, said the hotel's public relations manager, Shalini Perera. The dessert is a gold leaf Italian cassata flavored with Irish cream, served with a mango and pomegranate compote and a champagne sabayon enlighten. The dessert is decorated with a chocolate carving of a fisherman clinging to a stilt, an age old local fishing practice, and an 80 carat aquamarine stone. The dessert has to be specially ordered, Perera said. Though the hotel has gotten calls about it from as far away as Japan, she said, no one has yet forked over the money to try it.

Stupid-Expensive Pizza:

A Scottish chef has made what might be the world's most expensive pizza: The pizza is sprinkled with gold and topped with champagne-soaked caviar and lobster marinated in the finest cognac. Creator Domenico Crolla said it was worth more than $3,700. Mr. Crolla tied the pie in to the most recent James Bond movie by calling it the "Pizza Royale 007" (" 'If any pizza was made to suit 007, this is it,' said Mr Crolla.") and it was auctioned off on eBay to raise money for a charity, the Fred Hollows Foundation, "which works to prevent curable blindness in developing countries."

Splitting the bill

I'm going to New York next weekend for the New Yorker Festival and to party like a rock star with my four best friends from college. Some eating, drinking, shopping, dancing, and seeing lectures on casualties in Iraq and other fun stuff.

The five of us are really different, with different life situations and priorities. Financially, it's going to be a little like that Friends episode where the three of them were flush and happy to just split the bill evenly at the end of a restaurant meal, whereas the other three ordered on the cheap side specifically so their bill was going to be manageable (meaning, they wanted to pay specifically for what they had eaten).

What's the etiquette of that? How do you handle splitting the bill? Let's say I want to order a snazzy bottle of wine--I want to share it with my friends, but I don't want them to feel weird about not paying for it. Is it OK to sneak away and slide a credit card in your waiter's apron, or does that read as slimy and underhanded somehow?

I hate being all legaleese about who ordered what, adding their percentage of the tip, etc. Takes some of the fun out of dining out. But is it more annoying to those people who ordered inexpensively to pay for more than their share?

Eating Tampa survey

Just a little pre-breakfast post. I want to hear more about this whole clothing-optional restaurant stuff (thanks, John), but first I want to aid my friend Dave in putting together a usable dining guide. He sent me this:

Hey guys, I’ve decided to do a “Best of Eating in Tampa” series of posts, so I’m asking for some feedback. [All the categories are listed on his site]. If you have a moment, please give your suggestion in any categories you want. If you think of any new categories add them at the end. Don’t feel that you have to put something in every category. Next weekend I’ll tally up the scores and post Eating Tampa’s Best Of. Forward this along to anyone you think might be interested. The more votes the better!

I weighed in on a bunch, but I got category-fatigue, so I need to go back and do another round.

Naked chef?

Caliente Clothing Optional Luxury Resort has a new executive chef, I heard today. Chef Seddiq Elamrani was recently appointed, adding a little Moroccan spice to the proceedings.  Some questions come to mind. Do naked people have different culinary needs? Do you try to minimize sauces? Do you worry about steak knives or dangerous cutlery? Do you offer lots of napkins?

And if you wait tables at a clothing-optional restaurant, where do you keep your tips?

Immature, I know. But I'm interested in these things. Now I gotta get my editor onboard with me reviewing the place so I can get some answers...

Napkins...the good, the bad and the ugly

Like it: When the restaurant offers you a white napkin or a black napkin depending on your outfit so you don't get little lint boogers.

Hate it: When the guy keeps putting your napkin on your lap for you even if you've just gotten up to go to the can. Also, when they reform the napkin into a swan or whatever during your bathroom break.

Like it: If there are gunky paper napkin balls on your table, it's nice when a server takes those away and brings you a new one for dessert.

Hate it: Those nylon-like colored hotel napkins that aren't absorbent.

Like it: Finger bowls and those warm towels at the beginning of some Asian restaurant meals (but what's the etiquette with those--can you wipe your whole face, or even the pate of your head if you're bald?)

Anyone else?

Gold Dust Memories

Janet's gold-panning story in the paper today got me thinking about gold rush food history.

Really, the West Coast's restaurant boom started when Sam Brannan paraded his vial of gold dust down Montgomery Street in San Francisco, yelling “Gold! Gold! Gold on the American River!” With that he ignited the 1849 gold rush, and San Francisco restaurants have never been the same.

The vicissitudes of supply and demand made rustling up some vittles 150 years ago anything but a cakewalk. Vegetables in early San Francisco were luxuries that only the very rich could afford—apples up to $5 each. Most of those miners went without, risking scurvy and other ailments. Want bread with your meal? That’s $1 a slice, $2 if it was buttered.

Bad planning yielded a glut of some staples—you couldn’t give slab bacon away—and a dire lack of others. Some 49ers were known to have paid up to $100 for a glass of water. And because the miners were largely rough-and-tumble men who didn’t know a bain marie from a melon baller, the womanly art of cooking took on unforeseen luster, creating a little cult of highly-paid celebrity chefs. Hey, that doesn’t sound too different from today.

In 1881, the San Francisco city directory lists 233,959 residents, 428 restaurants, 342 oyster saloons, 90 coffee saloons, and some 1400 bars. That means roughly one eating or drinking establishment per every 100 people. Not bad.

Just what were all those early settlers tucking into at great expense? That would be “Hangtown fry," a sinful amalgam of scrambled eggs, bacon and oysters. One probably apocryphal account attributes its origin to a prospector who had just struck pay dirt and wanted to celebrate with the most costly meal that could be whipped up in camp. Another story gives the honors to a man on death row who dreamed up this final-meal request (oysters were so prized that the oyster beds of San Francisco were depleted by 1851) as a means of postponing his execution a bit.

Pretty luxurious stuff, huh? What are some other great more-is-more, pull-out-all-the-stops dishes?

Number one at number two?

Maybe I'm out of line, but getting press releases like this makes me snort and guffaw, then roll my eyes and post it on a blog. Obviously, it ain't easy being green, but this just seems over-the-top-enviro-goofy:

Celebrate a GREEN Christmas with Elephant Poo Poo Paper
TORONTO, Ontario—Paper made of poo? It’s true! And “green,” too. This year, eco-savvy shoppers will be able to purchase handmade journals, gift wrap and card sets and ornaments—all with a festive holiday twist—and made of 100 percent recycled and odorless products.

Created by The Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Company Limited, these unique gifts are sure to stand out under the tree. As are any of the brand’s existing products, including stationery and journal sets, noteboxes, and greeting cards, all made of (you guessed it!) elephant poo!

These are gifts made of dried elephant dung, ranging in price from  $10.99 to $24.99.

For poo.

It's not a food post, per se, but it fits into some things I've been thinking about. We increasingly do all this stuff to assuage our environmental guilt. Things like carbon-neutral travel in which you plant trees once you've touched down in Southeast Asia, or pay extra to have indigenous peoples learn about renewable fuel sources. Are we barking up the wrong trees, focusing on the wrong things? Is sending notecards made of poo going to make any kind of discernable difference in the health of our planet?

I think Slow Food is a reasonable place to turn for direction.

Burger follow-up and then abrupt non sequitur

I got some decent feedback on my Five Guys story yesterday. Here's a sampling:

Laura, you really missed it with 5 Guys Hamburgers. First of all, this is not fast food. One waits quite a period of time for the food. I went there in the middle of the afternoon and the wait was excessively long, and they weren't that busy. Second, the burgers are hockey pucks. Overdone, dry, and overpriced. Third, the fries are very greasy. So much so that the bag is dripping with grease. The place is very much overrated and certainly overpriced. I wouldn't go back there if I were starving on a dessert island. -–William

When I found out Five Guys was coming to Pinellas Park, I read what others around the country thought of them. Seeing nothing but rave reviews I went to one already open in Tampa. I thought it was OK and felt the same about the one in Pinellas Park. While the fries may be better, since the name is Five Guys Famous Burgers and Fries; I must judge them by their burgers. I feel for approximately the same price the Thickburgers at Hardees are more flavorful. I think the best burgers are at local places such as El Cap or Ted Peter's to name a couple; but if I am going to a chain restaurant for a hamburger; it's Hardees for me. --Thomas Dudgeon   

Loved your review on Five Guys. They are the best. We visited them often when we lived in the DC area. Can’t wait for the Trinity store to open. --Dave Milliman, Brooksville

Why does anyone eat this crap ...look at the photo people. Wait n see .... you'll all be walking toward the light soon!! Don't say I didn't warn you, this is how it all starts, moderation at first and then 2,3,4,times a week. Moderation,yeah right!!--by Health Nut
   
Best burger I have every had! The fries are excellent too! Everything in moderation. I would not eat here every day, but it is a nice treat once in a while! Love the peanuts too!--by Keysha

So, opinions vary. At the opposite side of the culinary universe from fast-food burgers, I'd like to take a moment to gush about Kim Severson's story in the New York Times Wednesday about Alice Waters, the founder of Chez Panisse in Berkeley, Calif. and one of the biggest advocates of eating foods that are organic, local and sustainable. It was a stunning piece, with an unbelievable seven-minute video of Alice buying food at a farmer's market and her very first blog post on Kim Severson's blog.  Alice Waters is a true revolutionary and a tireless force in the effort to make us more thoughtful about our food. I actually got a little weepy watching the video.

One of the next projects on the horizon for me is a story on how celebrated/notable/bigshot restaurants in the Tampa Bay area handle the needs of vegetarians. Who's doing a good job, who is not. Love to hear your thoughts...

Brush with culinary fame, watch the crumbs

My friend in Baltimore just sent this:

"So.....I stumble into this hole-in-the-wall Italian bakery near my new office downtown today, and met the mom-n-pop proprietors of this shop.

It is a tiny bakery called Piedigrotta that has cookies, cakes, bread and--yes--tiramisu everywhere. But, it was lunchtime so I asked for a sandwich (no menus or anything like that). So the lady (Brunna Iannaconne) went into the back and made me an Italian cold cut panini on a fresh, homemade (of course) Italian roll.

I talked to them for a while, and it turns out that they claim to have INVENTED tiramisu!

So when I got back to the office I checked wikipedia, and it mentioned this guy! It had a link to a Washington Post article that you have to read.

BTW, the sandwich was UNBELIEVABLE!"

I love Baltimore (in a shallow and superficial way, but also in a deep and profound way; totally different reasons). What has the Tampa Bay area invented so I can stop being so jealous?