Rebuttal: Things Customers Should Never Do

I'd like to thank reader Thomas Taggart for reminding me about this most excellent New York Times piece several days ago by Bruce Buschel entitled 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 1). It's a compendium of all of servers' most egregious sins, many of which could be boiled down simply to "the customer is always right, even when he or she is an @#%%#."

I agree with many items on the list, but it got me thinking back to my own table-waiting days and how often, in fact, customers could be @#%%#. Here are some of the things customers should never do.

1) Fine, I'll never interrupt your conversation, but when plates are coming in for a landing, please stop waving your arms around so that demi-glace stays off your shoes and mine.

2) Don't have a big, steaming gob about who is paying the check, leaving me to stand there like a dolt. Let's say the fleetest of foot gets the check, not the meanest or loudest.

3) Don't get all embarrassed about the crumbs on the table. I'm cleaning them up right now, no big whoop. Relax. And if you spill a little, same thing. We're washing the tablecloth anyway.

4) Send a wine back if it's corked or oxidized or funky. But if it's just not what you expected, tough.

5) A scenario: You can't decide between the rabbit and the duck. You order the duck. When the plates arrive, you misremember and say, "I ordered the rabbit." REMEMBER WHAT YOU ORDERED. And friend of the forgetful, if you heard what they actually ordered, help a sister out.

6) Salad dressing. Some people like a lot, some people like a little. It's OK to express your feelings on the subject when ordering a salad, but don't get all uppity. Strangely, it's a subject people have strong feelings about, all of which are more or less valid.

7) If you want another glass of wine (or the chocolate cake), don't say "Oh, I shouldn't...." and drift off, leaving the server to play the role of little-red-devil-on-the-one-shoulder or angel-on-the-other. Wear your big-girl pants and make the decision yourself.

8) Get off the phone, especially if you're one of those super-loud phone talkers. (And a pile of cell phones in the middle of the table is gauche. Really.)

9) If you need the meal to be paced quickly, tell. If you want to drink a full cocktail before you even consider ordering, tell. Servers read cues, but it helps if you just express your needs using your nice voice.

10) I love girls' nights out. Everyone's having a good time, there's usually juicy eavesdropping for the server. But ladies, the designated bill-tabulator at meal's end needs to be firm and to have keen arithmetic skills. Too many people in this situation round down to figure their own contribution.

I could keep going. Maybe I will keep going. But I'd like to hear from some servers, or former servers, out there.

Comments

[The Practical Cafe]

The Waiter Rant Response to "100 Things Restaurant Staffers should never do" http://ow.ly/yICE

[Kevin]

When you see your waiter, think about what you might want from him and ask so that he can get your BBQ sauce, someone's drink, extra napkins, and fresh silverware to replace the fork lil' Jimmy dropped all in one trip instead of four trips back and forth. You're not the only table in the restaurant!

[David]

The customer rant response: good service is very hard to find, so I say: if youre coming in with plates and we are waiving our arms while talking, announce your arrival. If no one claims the check, don't have a big, steaming gob because no one took it from you - leave it on the table and offer to pick it up when we're ready. we aren't embarrased by the crumbs on the table, or the crumbs on our shirt. I agree about the wine. If we forget what we ordered, and insist that we wanted rabbit, go put an order in for rabbit. We may not have expected ten gallons of dressing on our salad, so don't get uppity if we ask for a new one with dressing on the side. If we can't decide on another glass of wine or dessert, put your big girl pants on and tell us you'll check back in case we decide later. I agree about the phone, but don't judge me because I leave my phone on the table. I may be waiting for a call from the hospital...you don't know. I agree that the check should never go to the slow girl on girl's night, especially after her fifth cosmo.

[Jack]

Why not accept a Medium steak that is on the medium rare side, even though you ordered medium rare?

[slb]

How about not ignoring me when I am at the table with my "man" or paying him all the attention, because in the end I will determine your tip.

[Josie]

A few things for customers to please know:
*Tipping seems arbitrary, but really, if the staff were payed a decent wage, the food would cost 2 or 3 times as much. Your tipping either keeps good servers in place, or at least the cost of your meal down.
*Server, not servant. They are your equal, not beneath you.
*If you are wealthy, do your wealthy friends a favor, and break the stereotype! Tip well! Maybe it is just empirical, but it does seem the working schmos tip better. Same goes for women over a certain age. Tip! If you are a repeat customer, it works out to your advantage.
*Control your children. The world is not your babysitter, and ignoring their screaming/running/throwing/whining isn't teaching them anything.
*Let me know before I put the food order in if you have food dislikes or allergies.
*and are you joking poster above, just go order the rabbit? Um, no. The server may be responsible financially; the meal will come out at a weird time for the diner; and if they ordered duck, they get duck. A good server knows to repeat the order back to the customer, and that is when they get to change their mind.
*Don't ask for multiple samples of things.
*Don't please don't please please don't take your bad day out on us. We realize that sometimes people are much nicer when their low blood sugar is taken care of, and if you realize that, ask for a little something to snack on.
Many customers have become friends, and that is the best part of the job. It isn't the pay, it isn't the type of work (do you stand on hard floors 60 hours a week?) and it isn't the glamor. It is the people. It is so easy to be nice, and everyone benefits.
Josie

[becca]

Here's something I lived by the three years I was a server: Never take anything a customer says personally, unless you know them.

If you don't know what's in a dish, the type of sauce, or herbs used, for example, don't BS the customer. Tell them you'll check on that and get back to them pronto. I had this happen at a faux Italian dump called GIO's in bradentuckey, and it was just a very nasty experience. The girl was a real piece of work, attitude from here to the Grand Cooley Dam. If only she had asked the chef instead of LYING TO ME. This was years ago, and it still sticks in my craw. It's about a night out and a break from routine....servers remember, it's NOT about you, ever. Don't be a server if you're a whining Prima Donna.

Never tolerate cussing, or abusive language of any type. That's not a customeer, that's a person looking for a fight....projection is a horrid monster that no one need tolerate.

Mindfulness is the Zen of success, peace, and contentment. CARE enough to know the menu well, and about those cues......regardless the gender, when you serve people, be maternal about it....a little nurturing usually translates into a lot of tip.

[Hank]

Servers: Don't ever approach my table while chewing gum. Be economical in your service. If I ask for water and drinks (cocktails, wine etc.), don't have me ask a second time for the water. Acknowledge my initial presence, seating within 5 minutes. Present the check and leave. We will figure out who is paying.

Yeah, if I can't decide if I want another glass of wine or dessert, go ahead and coach me. Your owner expects you to build the ticket average... what else do you have to do at that moment in time?

When a particular course is ready to be served, it is ok to let us know that service is resuming and we will stop waving our arms. If people are "uppity" about thier salad dressing, why not ask if they want it on the side or traditionally?

Write down the order and there won't be any confusion as to who ordered what. I will not accept a steak that is cooked medium if I ordered medium rare. Period.

I am going to tip a minimum of 20%. Treat my dining experience as a special event because at some level, every dining out experience is a special event.

Did I mention don't come to my table chewing gum?

[Jack]

Hank, you missed the point. We already have 100 server rules.

[Alejandro]

Please read your menu completely so when the food arrives if rice is included and u don't eat rice, please try your best to not make me look like an idiot when u should have read the item u odered. And when u request something like extra napkins and i ask will that be all ur going to need, but when i return you also want a third refill. Server not your servant.

[Damon]

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[Anni]

I was once a server, too, oh so many years ago. I have served in finer restaurants along with cheap dives. The main beef I have with the wait staff today, in both high end establishments AND dives is that when I order water for my drink, or use a coupon, they ASSUME I'm not gong to tip well, and then give me crappy service.

WAKE UP people! There are many of us out there that will tip well solely on the basis of how well we were taken care of during our meal, and NOT based on the end price on our bill. I would rather save money on my meal in order to tip my waiter/waitress a little more at the end.

[Ale]

Never forget to say please and thank you!

[Ling]

I've never been a server, but I am a frequent diner-outer with my hubby, who is a talker. I mean, the guy just loves to talk. The one tip I would have for diners - and the thing I am always gently trying to impress upon my loving hubby - is that the servers are there to do a specific job (take your order and bring your order), not to listen to your yarns.

Engaging the server in a little friendly chit chat is fine, but they don't need to hear all about the time you went to Manhattan and blah blah blah blah blah. And watching the poor server squirm, just waiting for a small opening to dash away (so they can do their job), is painful for your dining companion.

Be polite, engage in friendly casual chit chat, but save the long-winded tales for boring your children.

[TLewis]

I just want to thank Laura for finally addressing the issue of service in her blog. She covered so many excellent points. And judging by the amount of thoughtful comments, people definitely have an opinion. If the Tampa Bay Area is ever going to reach the level of other great food destination places, service needs to be talked about.

[Don't be silly]

Things Not to do as a Diner:
1. Wave/flail your arms in the air, or snap your fingers as to get attention.
2. Attempt to re-write the menu to suit your tastes. Allergies are one thing, but chef's take time creating flavor profiles. Enjoy the menu the way it's intended to be!
3. Ignore a server upon their initial greeting of your table, and then expect them to be there at your every beckon call.
4. Order a well-done steak & get anxious when it doesn't arrive in 6 or 7 minutes.
5. Order 3 courses & decide you're in a hurry!
6. Make the silly jokes that servers have heard millions of times, as if you are being funny! Example: "This better be decaff, or I'll be at your house at 3 a.m." Example #2: When a server is clearing your empty plate, " I didn't like that at all." Not Funny!
7. Ball up your linen napkin and put it in your dinner plate. Discusting!
8. Introduce yourself & your guests to the server. They are not going to call you by name.
9. Talk, text or email while at the table.
10. Jokingly threaten a servers tip because of minor things that take place during your dining experience. Example: "If that drink isn't here in 30 seconds, I'll take it out of your tip!"

[Old Chef Dude]

The line from customers that has always made me want to pull a knife is,"you obviously don't know who you are speaking to or who I am". No, incorrect I checked the reservation when you arrived you are mister customer
just like the gentlemen seated to your right at table 10.

[Dick Weed]

I'm not about to take it on the chin. I am THE CUSTOMER...but I'm respectful of servers unless they are not respectful of me. In 95% of cases, there's no problem.

[Flrida Girl]

Loving Florida means that I like to be warm. Some restaurants keep the air conditioning set to freezing. If it is so cold that my sweater (that I always bring with me) is not keeping the frost off, or if my food gets cold before I can finish eating it...it's TOO COLD! If I ask you to turn the thermostat up above 60 degrees, please don't tell me, "Well, we're all up and running around and we're hot". By design, your customers seated. We are not encouraged to be up and running around with you. And, please don't lie to me and say ok, I'll make it warmer, without any intention of actually accommodating me. Send the manager to me if you are powerless to help me. If the food is good, but my dining experience is unpleasant because I'm shivering, I won't return to your restaurant. If you make me happy, I am then very happy about giving you a very generous tip. As an added benefit, you might save some money on your electricity bills during these tough economic times.

[carol]

O.K. let us not forget all the out of country quests who dont know we aren't paid minumin wage or above and only leave 10 percent or less.(even though they been vacationing here forever).Parents it's great your teenager is going out on dates by themselves but give them some coaching, it's not nice to get 3 dollars on 50.00 check. Splitting meals thats fine but both of you are still being served take that into account when your low check arrives. Children running loose are just accidents waiting to happen, its just not cute. Lets just remember manners its really that simple.

[Dave]

There is NO excuse for foreigners not to know how to tip. Tipping has been a feature in American movies for decades. Unless these people have never owned a DVD player or seen a Hollywood flick in their lives, they should have figured out we tip in America.

It's just a cheap excuse they use.

One thing I've learned in years of being a server, is Americans are no stupider than the rest of the world.

[Josie]

And one more thing, but for restaurant owners (of which I am one): Tell your servers to give customers back all of their change. Lately I don't get any silver back.
Last night, for the third time! The waitress at Shakletons kept the silver from my wine, and gave me back the paper. So instead of getting a 1.75 tip, she kept .75.
And yes, I will tell the owner. It is a little thing, but a big turn off. (and my bad, for not saying something at the time).
make sure your staff don't do that!

[Ed C.]

Mouth--

Awesome discussion you started. I agree with gist of the sentiment. In my cranky old age I've started getting fussy, so I'm going to quibble with a couple of points above.

Servers

--If I wonder if I should have the dessert your response has to be "yes," otherwise you're implying "No more pie for you, fatty!"

--If I don't want fries but do want a salad, or want to otherwise make a change to a dish, then make the change. I know you can. You can upcharge me, but telling me it can't be done let's me know you don't give a crap about me and suspect that all the meals are TV dinners. Those arguing about the perfection of the seasoning should remember the first word of service...service.

--I will expect you to know and have opinions about the food and make recommendations. Don't be surprised. If you can't answer simple questions (e.g., "do you like the bread pudding?") I will wonder if you'll be able to do anything right.

Customers

--When I am at a table with you when you are putting servers in their place you have exposed yourself as a sadist, we won't be dining again, @#%%#.

--When you go lower than 20% on the tip without cause, I will consider you cheap. When you go lower than 15% without cause I will consider you a thief, financing your meal on the back of the server. Cause does not include problems in the kitchen. You have a complaint about the kitchen take it to the manager; it's not the server's fault. False perceptions that your service should be expedited over all others is not cause.

[Julie]

How about if you don't get a babysitter for the night, don't expect me to entertain/manage your kids. I'm a server, not a nanny.

[JH]

A few thoughts as a diner:

1. My fiancee and I split meals quite regularly, and we feel no particular compunction to double our tip. You didn't do any extra work -- in fact, you did less. And if you want to get tipped for 2 meals when you only serve 1, then talk to the restaurant manager about cutting down the Cro-Magnon meal portions to what a normal person can reasonably consume in one sitting without leftovers.

2. Do not sit down next to me to take my order. You and I are not friends, not buddies, etc.

3. I prefer servers to write down my order because I've had experiences in the past where servers have had to come back to make sure they got something right (or just got the order wrong) with a party of 4 or more.

And FYI, my mother was a server -- a good and discriminating one -- for most of her life so tipping 20% or more is ingrained in me. I will only tip less than that if the service was horrible enough to warrant speaking to the manager, which is rare.

[brenfan is here]

From the comments it is very obvious that most servers really don't like their job - all those classless, mean spirited customers, what a drag. I would not like it either to work in a job where the boss asks me to collect my wage from HIS customers. But I guess when you don't have a good education (teachers are to blame - of course, who else?) you have to be content being a server/servant.

[TLewis]

I think brenfan just wants to start a fight.

I have been in the business for over 20 years . I have a BA in Humanities and I have travelled the planet. I have met and worked with some of the most interesting, talented and diverse people in restaurants on both coasts. And I have made some lifelong friends.

Not to discount brenfan's limited viewpoint, but people get in to this business for hundreds of reasons not the least of which is the freedom to not be chained to a desk from nine to five. It's all work as far as I'm concerned. Yes, the public can be trying at times but you deal with it like you deal with anything in life, with respect and tact.

Something brenfan seems to be in need of.

[Mike]

I have been in the back of the house, the front, and a customer myself and in the 5 years I have transitioned out of food service to a salaried job after college, I have noticed service quality has declined. My main issue with servers now is they don't take care of their customers. They come and sit you, take your drink order, take your food order, and take the check. I literally see them those 4 times and that's it. Part of the service should be constantly checking on a table to see if they need anything and autonomously refilling drinks because its always free refills.
I try to tip on merit but, because I am African American, I don't want to go below 15% and be pegged in the stereotype of bad tippers. When I do have great service (I know your name and I've seen you 10 times during my dinner and my drink is full), I tip close to 50% to show my appreciation for someone actually doing it right.

[myrna]

just have manners on both sides. i know they are hard to come by these days. but just remeber when you say can I remember the please at the end of the setence.

[myrna]

i do not like servers kneeling down to my table and talking to me like i am their buddy, stand tall and look professional.

[iPassedGas]

please don't blow your nose at the table , some of us are eating. go to bathroom,have some manners.

[dj]

My parents owned a restaurant, so I grew up learning many parts of the hospitality industry. I think all Americans should #1) serve their country in the military or other community/government service for a couple of years and #2) spend part of their early employment years in the manufacturing, service, or retail industry. I continue to have many friends who are bartenders and wait staff despite the fact that I have not carried a tray in over twenty years. It would keep all of us much more humble.

I also recommend Phoebe Damrosch's book, Service Included. It reminded me that there are many servers in the business who make a lifetime living from this profession.

That being said, my current restaurant pet peeve is regarding Item #88 from the NYT list. It has been a recent bad habit which continues to drive me crazy. I no longer live in Tampa Bay, but whenever I visit I refuse to patronize the Green Iguana on Westshore since they decided to keep the change of a $12 tab from the twenty I provided. I tend to overtip -- just ask my friends who think I'm crazy, but I never liked the service that much and I definitely wasn't trying to impress the staff. During this time of lower customer traffic at many local restaurants, I would think that improving service would be a major goal.

As for pet peeves of customers, I would like to remind folks that they are guests. In that vein, think about some of your expectations. Would you really ever ask for the same things if you were visiting a friend or family's home for dinner. I'm trying not to be too specific because each of us has different standards. I'm just asking each of us to be more considerate.

[Jen]

I tip based on the service.

(1) I would like to be acknowledged within 5 minutes of entering. I know you are busy, but a "We'll be right you" is better than being ignored.

(2) Once seated, please offer me a beverage within 5 minutes, or atleast the "I'll be with you shortly". Once seated, if I have not been acknowledged by a server, I'm outta there.

(3) When I ask for my bill, 10 minutes is reasonable.

Note: The only person I have never tipped: good service until her friends came in. Asked for bill "I'm talking to my friends". Her tip went into the foozball and pool tables while we waited on her to bring us the bill. Then she had the gall to ask where her tip was.

When I have great service, you are looking at a 25% tip, and me either writing a Customer Compliment Card or asking to speak to your manager to compliment your service.

[Jen]

One more thought:

Parents....if you really have to bring the children to a restaurant that is not McD's....

(1) Keep them quiet.
(2) Keep them at their seat. Don't let them wander to other diner's tables. Don't let them get in the way of the waitstaff.

[Hank]

I shared this post with 2 associates of mine in NYC, one is a very famous restaurateur (multiple famous locations) and the other is a past James Beard Award winner. They had two observations. The first being that since the government changed the tax reporting system for servers, many servers coming into the field do not consider it a career. Secondly they mentioned that if a restaurant does not have an ONGOING training program you are GUARANTEED to have inconsistent service.

Interestingly, they also mentioned that the best place to find a good server was word of mouth from other foodies, check them out for yourself and steal them away. I asked if this didn’t create a lot of disharmony among owners and chefs (in NYC they are competitive but a pretty tight bunch) and they said yes, but satisfied people stay put and they added that it was a compliment that they were doing training correctly.
.

[Jimbo]

Nice post Hank. With darn few exceptions, a career server is far superior to a temp. Too bad the IRS has been sticking its nose into what I consider small potatoes rather than going after the big fish.

[Ed C.]

Jimbo:

Too bad Uncle Sam doesn't subsidize restaurants by making it easier for servers to cheat on their taxes. The IRS shouldn't care about the cheaters in your industry, just in all the other ones, right? Boo hoo. It's not fair when the rules apply to everyone.

Jen:

Have you been hanging out with this guy...?

"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Catcher"

[Bob]

I am a professional server and these are my pet peeves.

1. Do not place napkin on plates when done.

2. Do not stack plates at end of table.

3. Do not push plates to the middle when done. subreasons 1) i can't reach it. 2) other dinners arent done yet. 3) I dont want to knock your drink over as I reach for the plate.

4. Don't tell your readyto order as I am attending to te other guest. Or don't interupt me at all when I'm at another table unless its a trye emergency.

5. Please don't ever say "You gave us the best service ever" and "I'm a great tipper" your just putting yourself on the spot and usually dosent fullfill our expectations.

I could go on forever but I will keep it short this time.

[Patrick Maguire]

I posted my list of "64 Suggestions for Restaurant Customers" on my blog yesterday:

http://www.servernotservant.com/

[Dick Weed]

I'm not in the industry, Ed. and I think you missed the entire point of my post. We have a Secretary of Treasury that successfully cheated on his taxes.

[Jimbo]

Very funny, Mr. Weed. I can speak for myself if I feel it's necessary.

[Jon Davies]

I have many thoughts on the matter (as I work in the industry), but think it wise to direct you to my favorite video blog right now - a waiter on YouTube who says what so many of us in the industry think and feel.

http://www.youtube.com/user/YourDailyTip

Whereas Buschel teaches waiters how to do their job better (at least in his eyes), this waiter teaches people how to be better customers, and what to look out for when they are dining. He's funny, nice, angry, cute, bitter, and charming!

I've seen his channel grow in a matter of months from 20 subscribers to over 650... but I would like to see it grow even more. He deserves it, I think!

[Kesh Prashad]

I am a TampaBay ex-pat living in London. US restaurant service is brilliant, it's different here in London, where service is dismal at best unless it's $30+ per plate to get the same service as the US. Coney Island Hot Dogs, Berns, Pepins, Black Swan,(when it was in business), or Siam Garden never fail! Pefect everytime.

2 quick points:
1) Nearly all UK citizens under 60 own a passport and have traveled to foreign countries, not so in the USA.
2) Social Customs vary largely around the world so some idiots dont know.
No excuse for poor tips, just a point that the waiter should tactfully introduce when serving foreign persons, and be polite or add a dicretionary 15% srvice charge, it's standard here in London! Brit's don't take offence to that.

Last but not least, which may offend, waiters or 'servers' The "Server" implies, that you, 'serve' as a server. You have no job unless patrons sit and dine / drink at your venue where you are emplyoded as a server. Hope this makes sense. Bad service; I don't come back. Case in point... I did't like the service at what 'was' the Perch in St. Pete, I didn't go back. I went to a Chef Conran Chophouse restaurant here in London, I left no tip and walked out paying the bill only. 2 people black and blue steaks for both (both steaks looked like charcoal and the waiter complained to me that he is tired and may have mixed up my order with another table) for $40 a steak each this is not acceptable.

Just my 2cents. Don't take it personally.

[Steve]

How about "What restaurant owners should never do"? Here's the first two-

1)Don't expect servers, who you pay half minimum wage and no benefits, to do all your cleaning and maintenance for you. Hire a professional cleaning crew and maintenance person.

2)Don't use your servers tips to pay other members of your staff, except for bus and bar. No host staff, no kitchen staff, no management. You pay them.

[Katherine]

I haven't finished the whole threat so forgive me if this has already been addressed, but why does no one understand the complaint about who gets the check?? Who hasn't witness a server approach a table with the check to immediately have two people grabbing it out of your hands at the same time. It is completely awkward and annoying. Somehow I am supposed to choose? #1 Do NOT grab anything out of my hand ever. If you would scold your child for it, don't do it yourself. #2 If you want the check, go to the 'bathroom,' find your server, and let them know before they have to drop it at the table!