Write your own caption: Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby relives his college days by sporting a 1940s-era Temple football uniform Tuesday in Philadelphia. The university, Cosby's alma mater, was unveiling its new unis to the public. They must have sold a lot of peanut brittle at the school's annual fund-raising drive to get these swank new threads. You know, The Juice* used to live in Philadelphia, and frankly, at first glance we thought these were the team’s current outfits -- right down to the Crocs.

[Photo: AP]

The rumor roundup

• TMZ confirms that the story about Barron Hilton cutting off certain members of the family from his fortune is a complete untruth. Apparently it was just wishful thinking.

• The New York Post now retracts its assertion that Victoria Beckham will be guest-hosting The View, citing Barbara Walters as saying "It was news to us." Like most things on that talk show.

• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have been seen cavorting about town in L.A., according to the Internets. Our resident Reese lover is crushed.

• Prince Frederick Von Anhalt, husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, was handcuffed naked to the steering wheel of his car for after a woman robbed him at gunpoint, several sites say. And strangely enough, it wasn’t anyone related to Anna Nicole Smith.

'Little People' dad busted for DUI

If there’s one thing that TLC’s Little People, Big World has taught us, it’s that little people are just human, just like us. And that includes making big mistakes. The dad on the show, 45-year-old Matthew Roloff, was busted last month for allegedly driving under the influence.

He appeared in court Monday after he was stopped June 19 for allegedly driving his van erratically in Washington County, Ore. He failed a field sobriety test, was booked at the county jail and released. We wonder if that’s going to make it into the show.

[Photo: Handout]

Tameka says we don't know anything

So why did Usher and Tameka Foster call off the wedding last weekend?

“No one knows why we canceled the wedding, but I can tell you that all of the reasons that everyone is speculating and writing about are completely untrue,” Foster tells People.

But yet she doesn’t elaborate. The New York Post says Foster went to a hospital with abdominal pains — cause for concern, since Tameka is pregnant with Usher’s baby.

“We had a scare,” she says. “But, I am fine and the baby is fine.”

The Post also speculates wildly on Usher’s alleged cold feet and the disapproval of the marriage by his mother, Jonetta Patton, but names no sources for that info. But since Tameka won’t dish the deets, we’re still on rumor watch.

[Photo: Getty Images]

At least Star Jones didn't simply starve herself

Don’t believe Star Jones Reynolds when she says diet and exercise were the key to losing some 160 lbs. over the last three years. The Court TV host finally admits in the September issue of Glamour that she had gastric bypass surgery to drop the weight (explaining that “medical intervention” line she trotted out all the time).

Why the wait in telling the truth?  “First, I didn’t know if the surgery would work,” she writes. “I had spent my entire adult life telling everyone that I was fine with the way I looked. I never thought I’d have to explain it. But the complete truth is, I was scared of what people might think of me.”

Don’t worry, Star, we were annoyed with your shrillness even when you were large and in charge on The View.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Rumor disprover: No porn show for ScarJo

Sorry boys, rumors that have been swirling since last week’s Comic Con in San Diego that Scarlett Johansson will play porn star Jenna Jameson in an upcoming biopic simply aren’t true.

People dashes our hopes and dreams by reporting Jameson’s gushing over the actress at the convention — “I remember thinking to myself, this girl has such a sexuality without even really trying to be sexy,” Jameson said. “I was like, ‘This girl could play me.’ ”  — doesn’t mean ScarJo will play her in Heartbreaker, a graphic adaptation of Jenna’s 2004 book How to Make Love Like a Porn Star.

“Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project,” a rep for Johansson says. “She also has no interest in playing this role.” Aw.

[Photo: Getty Images]

It's Tuesday! Get your geek on!

Bill Shatner and George Lucas in the same room at the same time?!? Man, if they only threw in a stormtrooper kickline, that'd be the best. Wait -- THEY DID!

Johnny Depp is working hard these days

Johnny Depp is keeping busy post-Jack Sparrow: Variety reports the actor will again channel Hunter S. Thompson to play the main character in an adaptation of Thompson’s autobiographical novel, The Rum Diary.

It should be a slightly different Hunter than the one Depp portrayed in the screen version of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Thompson wrote the account of being a freelancer working at a Puerto Rican newspaper in the 1950s when he was just 22, but the book wasn’t published until 1998.

Filming should begin after Depp finishes Shantaram, about an Australian drug addict who escapes to India, which is next on his plate since he’s completed Sweeney Todd. And later, Depp may work on an adaptation of Dark Shadows and a film called Sasha’s Story: The Life and Death of a Russian Spy. Johnny’s got to keep the drinks flowing, savvy?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Dunst annoys her neighbors

Kirsten Dunst hasn’t been living in north London longer than a New York minute, but already she’s angering her neighbors in Islington.

The Daily Mail says Dunst, who moved into a $4-million house, has taken to hanging out at the local bar and inviting people back to her pad after closing. That’s turning the once-quiet neighborhood into “party central,” a source says, and residents don’t like it.

“They’ve had enough and apparently three families have written a petition to the council in the hope they’ll take some action,” the source claims. What does the Islington Council say? “We cannot confirm or deny these complaints.”

We wonder if she’s going to stay across the pond, now that she’s on the outs with Razorlight frontman Johnny Borrell; Being near him is why she moved there in the first place.

[Photo: Getty Images]

First of many lawsuits brought against LiLo

Let the legal onslaught against Lindsay Lohan begin! TMZ reports Signe Dupuy is suing the drunkard, claiming the actress and her bodyguard hit her car in April 2006.

She says Lohan and her handler Jaz cut her off in an SUV. When Dupuy apporached the pair, she says Lindsay gave her the stink-eye and Jaz “tried to intimidate” her. After that, they gave her a fake name and phone number before driving away, Dupuy says.

So now the woman is taking LiLo to small claims court, saying numerous attempts to contact the actress have been ignored. Hey, it may not be a sexy charge, but just wait, there’s sure to be more.

'Idol' loser busted on drug charges

Corey Clark, the American Idol finalist disqualified from the show’s second season over charges of fighting with four cops, has been arrested in Little Rock, Ark. on drug charges and for an outstanding warrant in Arizona.

Besides being famous for cozying up to judge Paula Abdul, Clark’s claim to fame has been causing a ruckus on Idol over his arrest record and legal representation on the show. We wonder if he called Paula for a lawyer this time, too.

Eddie's getting married, but not to Mel B.

In a move sure to make Melanie Brown’s lawyer light up like a Christmas tree, People reports Eddie Murphy is getting married. To his movie-producer girlfriend, Tracey Edmonds.

“Tracey and Eddie were engaged last Wednesday,” Edmonds’ personal assistant told People. “Tracey and Eddie are both very much in love and are excited about spending the rest of their lives together.”

So Mel B.’s daughter Angel, who’s been waiting for a visit from her daddy since she was born April 3 (Eddie’s own birthday!), wasn’t the love child Brown claims. Sure, Eddie wanted to get married — just not to his baby’s mama.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Britney pitches a fit during shoot, gets divorced

Trust News of the World to follow up the disastrous OK! interview with Britney Spears with reports that the dead-eyed poplet promptly freaked out afterward at the video shoot for her new single. Problems started to arise after people noticed she wouldn’t eat or drink anything besides Red Bull.

By the time she got to her pole-dancing scene (!), “Suddenly she was in floods of tears and stormed off set. She eventually came back but was sobbing hysterically,” a spy says. “All her make-up had run. By now it was nearly midnight and the director just called things to an end and sent people home. It was a total shambles.”

Maybe she read the National Enquirer’s rumor that her 16-year-old sister Jamie Lynn was knocked up. And today TMZ announced that her marriage to Kevin Federline is officially over, with an L.A. judge giving the pair 50/50 custody of their two kids. The details of the divorce will likely be sealed, the site says. And so ends a love story for the ages.

For some reason, Cash also isn't ready for electricity, automocars and all-you-can-eat buffets

The New York Daily News says it knows why Cash Warren and Jessica Alba split: “He wasn’t ready for marriage, and Jessica is,” a source says. “It’s simple as that. It’s kind of cold that the press is saying she was just finished with him, because it isn’t like that.”

Apparently Jessica got all “wistful” seeing pal Eva Longoria get married to Tony Parker and decided the Cash clock was ticking. And while the source tells the Daily News that the pair will likely patch things up, all The Juice* can think is how dumb Warren is for telling Jessica Alba he wouldn’t marry her.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Usher and Tameka: Still not married

There’s still no word on why Usher and Tameka Foster abruptly canceled their wedding on Saturday, other than a friend’s word that Foster is “doing fine,” the New York Post reports. The celebration at L.A. Reid’s Long Island mansion was called off at the last minute, leaving giant tents and generators unused in the producer’s yard.

“The rumors going around are ludicrous,” the friend tells the tabloid. “They are still best friends; why would anyone assume otherwise?” Because the platinum wedding never got off the ground, maybe?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Ingmar Bergman, dead at 89

Ingmar Bergman, one of the most influential film directors of the 20th century, died Monday at his home on the Swedish island of Faaroe, his family announced without giving a cause of death. He was 89.

Your average Juice* reader — read: born after 1972 — may not be familiar with Bergman’s specific work (despite churning out about a movie a year at one point), but his fascination with dark themes of death and sexual anguish resonated so deeply they continue to influence today’s films.

For many movie buffs, Bergman was the greatest of the authorial filmmakers of the 1950s and 1960s, outranking such figures as Federico Fellini, Luis Bunuel or Jean-Luc Godard. He won three Oscars for best foreign language film and was acclaimed for arthouse favorites like 1957’s The Seventh Seal and 1982’s Fanny and Alexander, which he wrote following a six-year exile from Sweden on tax-fraud allegations.

“I was very sorry to hear Ingmar passed away,” Bergman fan Woody Allen said. “He was a friend and certainly the finest film director of my lifetime.”

His severe upbringing by a clergyman father in Sweden led to his focus on family relationships and ultimate rejection of religion. His tendency to center on female roles probably also stemmed from his own penchant for marriage — he was wed five times and fathered nine children.

He kept busy late into life, directing and writing screenplays, including the autobiographical saga The Best Intentions which, reduced to three-hour film length, won the 1992 Cannes Golden Palm for director Bille August.

“I don’t watch my own films very often,” he admitted in a rare interview on Swedish television three years ago. “I become so jittery and ready to cry... and miserable. I think it’s awful.”

-- With material from AFP and Reuters

[Photo: Getty Images]

Punks being interviewed by Tom Snyder

In memory of Tom Snyder, who passed away Sunday from complications from leukemia, here's a video of he and Johnny Rotten going head-to-head in 1980. Johnny's on the show with Keith Levene, the ex-Clash guitarist who formed Public Image Limited with the Sex Pistols singer in 1978. And, appropriate to the post-punkers, they're giving Tom quite the hard time ...

Jimmy Fallon might replace Conan O'Brien

The TV trade magazine Broadcasting & Cable says Jimmy Fallon is a top choice to replace Conan O'Brien when he takes over Tonight Show duties from Jay Leno in 2009.

"I think he'd be terrific, and he is at the top of our short list," NBC exec Rick Ludwin said.

Besides mucking up Weekend Update sketches on Saturday Night Live, Fallon's had experience behind a desk filling in for David Letterman in 2003 while the host was recuperating from bypass surgery.

But frankly, without Tina Fey there to play it straight, all we can hope for is more of his satirical songs via acoustic guitar.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Posh gets a look for 'The View'

The ratings say America has already had enough of Victoria Beckham, but don't think for a minute she's gone away.

The New York Post says Posh has just signed a deal with ABC to join The View for two weeks as a guest host, no doubt a stop-gap measure until the show agrees to terms with either -- or both -- Whoopi Goldberg or Sherri Shepherd to replace the departed Rosie O'Donnell.

If nothing else, the prim British accent would no doubt bring a dose of propriety to the gabfest, virtually guaranteeing Vicki won't stay for long. We propose a show where every member has to eat on camera ... just so we know that she does.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Hilton patriarch cuts family out of will ... maybe

Barron Hilton, the patriarch of the eponymous hotel-chain empire, is so disgusted by his own overprivileged kin that he’d rather give his money away than give it to the spoiled brats that populate the family tree.

Now, to keep up The Juice*’s ban on certain heirheads we aren’t naming, we will simply say that Australia’s Daily Telegraph reports Hilton the senior (the only family member with a real stake in the business) will donate the cash he gets from selling the company to Blackstone to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, which funds charities across the globe. Bloomberg reports he’ll get $990-million for his 2.8-million shares.

The paper quotes Jerry Oppenheimer, an author who wrote the family biography House of Hilton, is saying that one particular member stands to lose something crazy like $60-million (we can’t determine whether that’s AU or US dollars) because of videotapes and jail terms that Barron thinks shamed the family.

“He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied ...,” Oppenheimer says. “He now doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.” We applaud the 79-year-old benefactor’s plan — and wish we qualified as a charity.

Nerdy movie news from San Diego

Sylar is taking a break from ripping people apart on Heroes to go where no man has gone before. E! Online says actor Zachary Quinto has been tapped to play a young Spock in the J.J. Abrams-helmed addition to the Star Trek franchise next year.

And since Leonard Nimoy will be back to play the Vulcan in his twilight years, Quinto says he’ll take a little direction from the elder Spock. But, “I certainly intend to bring my own spin to it, and working with these guys, I’m sure I’ll find it,” he added.

The announcement about Nimoy’s inclusion was made at the San Diego Comic-Con, full of nerds wearing Spock ears who no doubt thrilled to this quote from the 76-year-old: “People have been asking me why I’m doing this movie, and I think the answer is obvious—we have a great director, a wonderful script, and a wonderful young actor playing Spock, so … it was logical.”

Add in that Steven Spielberg said Karen Allen will be reprising her role as Marion Ravenwood in the next Indiana Jones movie, and all those dorks probably had aneurysms from anticipation. Say, we’re feeling a bit light-headed ...

[Photo: AP]

More than enough Spice Girls to go around

The world just can’t get enough of those Spice Girls. The quintet has been flooded by so many requests from nostalgic Gen Xers that they’ve added three dates to their reunion tour (and none of them are near the Bay).

On Dec. 2 they invade Vancouver, Canada, followed by San Jose, Calif., two days later, the AP reports. After that, they’re heading to Shanghai on Jan. 10 to augment their presence in China after the previously announced Hong Kong show.

That’s okay, though — we’re sure you’ll be too tuckered out from waiting in line for their greatest hits album, which is coming out in November.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Diddly beats out prexy candidates on YouTube

In today’s state of the gossip address, we point to evidence submitted by FishbowlNY that makes us queasy about America’s priorities.

It seems Sean Combs’ YouTube pleas for a new assistant has garnered more submissions (about 10,000 at last count) than YouTube video questions received for the CNN presidential debate earlier this week (2,989, by their count). Of course, Diddy has since had to post a new video imploring applicants to at least be able to read and write (see below).

That’s what happens when you solicit campaign questions from the same forum that brought us that "sinister groundhog" stuff.

Michael Moore called on carpet for Cuba visit

Michael Moore told Jay Leno Thursday night that the Bush administration is so threatened by his nasally ramblings that they’ve subpeonaed him over a trip to Cuba he filmed for Sicko.

“I haven’t even told my own family yet,” Moore told the Tonight Show audience. “I was just informed when I was back there with Jay that the Bush administration has now issued a subpoena for me.”

It’s still illegal for Americans to visit Cuba, regardless of the fact that Red Dawn has been a basic cable staple since 1984, so apparently the White House has time to quibble over a belabored point on universal health care.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Brit's bodyguard punishes paparazzo

And who is Britney Spears if not one to get into the crazy? Us reports the pop-tard’s bodyguard was involved in a fracas outside the spa in the Wynn Las Vegas.

A photog from Flynet apparently bumped tater tot Sean Preston, leading Julio “JC” Camera to lay a savage beatdown on the pap. (A bodyguard named Camera? Delicious.)

We wonder what this means for her custody battle with Kevin Federline, since the Brat’s not supposed to take the kids from L.A. without his consent.

LVPD says Camera got a citation for misdemeanor battery, but that’s not all. According to a police statement, “A second Incident Crime Report was also filed by Ms. Spears on behalf of her minor child. In that report it was alleged that prior to the above incident a second photographer, identified as Kyle Henderson, battered both Mr. Camera and Ms. Spears’ child, who was at that time being held by the security officer.”

And all this without assistant Shannon Funk, whom Brit fired three weeks into the job becasue she was stealing clothes and stuff like that, according to Life & Style. It’s just like Spears family reunions, y’all!

Is this another good reason not to drink?

With all these DUI shenanigans, Carlsberg beer shows us why you should just pipe down and drink your pint in peace.

Breaking news: Richie gets 4 days in jail

Nicole Richie is joining her Simple Life cohort (who shall remain unnamed) as an alum of the L.A. County lockup after pleading guilty Friday to DUI for driving the wrong way on a freeway in December, TMZ reports.

The pin-thin Richie, accompanied to the Glendale courthouse by boyfriend Joel Madden, was sentenced to four days in the City or County jail (she gets to choose), with credit for a fifth day for the six hours she spent in the bullpen after being busted.

She was also fined $2,048, put on three years probation and ordered into a 21-day treatment course. Richie had told authorities when she was arrested that she had smoked some nickel and was on Vicodin when she was caught, the AP reminds us.

Still no word on whether she’s actually pregnant or not, since she still hasn’t confirmed it, but we’ll know soon — she has to serve her time by Sept. 28.

The court commissioner also reminded Nicole that she faces charges of murder (not manslaughter) should she kill someone while driving under the influence now that she has two DUI convictions. That would be plenty worse than driving without a license.

[Photo: Richie leaving the courthouse in Glendale with Madden. AP]

'I wasn't driving. The black kid was driving.': A blow-by-blow account of LiLo's wild night

The three guys involved in Lindsay Lohan’s crazy ride through Santa Monica say the starlet just about took them hostage after stealing the Denali she was caught driving with a .13-percent blood alcohol limit, TMZ says.

The owner of the SUV, Dante Nigro, and pals Jakon Sutter and Ronnie Blake say they we’re at the party in Malibu on Monday (well, Dante was invited by assistant Tarin Graham’s boyfriend; Jakon and Ronnie had to stay outside) watching LiLo drinking her self stupid when assistant Tarin quit.

The boyfriend, who was not named, was preparing to drive the trio away in Dante’s Denali when he got out to argue with Tarin, who then drove away. Lohan then allegedly jumped in the driver’s seat and took off — with the three men still inside!

Blake freaked, jumped out of the car while Lindsay sped off, and promptly had his foot run over, he says.

Lindsay chased Tarin onto the Pacific Coast Highway but lost her, thwarting Dante’s attempts to grab the wheel of his own car by saying, “If you touch me, I’ll sue you,” he says.

She then drove to Tarin’s mother’s house in Santa Monica, thinking her former assistant would be there, just as the woman was pulling into her driveway.

She led them on a chase reaching speeds of 80 mph or higher into Santa Monica, where it became apparent to Dante she was driving to the police station. Lohan replied with, “I’m a celebrity, I’m not going to get into trouble.”

So we know the rest, except for the part where LiLo apparently told SMPD, “I wasn’t driving. The black kid was driving,” Dante says.

But the grand summation comes from flat-footed Ronnie, who told the site, “It was pretty much the worst night of my whole summer.” You don’t say ...

By the way, the trio are now saying they plan to sue the actress. Because three big guys can’t overpower a drunken stick of a girl.

[Photo: AP]

Life is good for Matt Damon

You see, the problem with living in paradise is that you miss (and rarely prioritize) things that happen in faraway lands. With that said, here’s Matt Damon signing autographs while getting his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Wednesday. And while his mom, Nancy Carlsson-Paige, is right behind him, rest assured his wife Luciana was there, too.

It’s a big week for Damon: With The Bourne Ultimatum premiering this week, Matt was overheard saying that Jason Bourne was the character who saved his career after The Legend of Bagger Vance and All The Pretty Horses flopped harder than a fat man at a public pool.

“The weekend The Bourne Identity opened in 2001 I was doing a play in London’s West End and I hadn’t had a film offer in six months ...” Damon is quoted by Contact Music. “So I went from my final night of doing This Is Our Youth on the Friday, to the Sunday when I had 20 to 30 movie offers, just based on the opening weekend of The Bourne Identity.”

Of course, it didn’t do much for Franka Potente’s U.S. career, but whatever.

[Photo: AP]

That's what you get for messing with Tom Cruise

The Smoking Gun reports that an Arizona man known as the Sultan of Sleaze was arrested Tuesday for trying to extort $1-million from Tom Cruise.

David Hans Schmidt was busted by the feds for attempting to sell Cruise a ton of pics of the actor’s 200 wedding to Katie Holmes — photos the actor’s lawyer says were stolen.

The 47-year-old Scmidt has often tried to contact celebs like Colin Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Gennifer Flowers, Tonya Harding, Fred Durst, Amber Frey and even Dustin Diamond to try to ply his trade, the site says. The nerve of some people, to try to cash in on besmirching someone else’s celebrity status!

Lauryn Hill might be going off the deep end

Earlier we quoted Pras as saying he and fellow Fugee Wyclef Jean would never work with Lauryn Hill again because she’s gone off the grid mentally.

So it raises an eyebrow to read on Sohh.com that Lauryn allegedly went bonkers at a Norway concert over the weekend after demanding all her security guards be black and not be allowed to speak to or even look at her.

Of course, one of them does say something to her, and she apparently went off, throwing water bottles and refusing to continue her set after power at the venue went out momentarily. Looks like Pras was right.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Geeky movie news

It's ultra-slow today, friends and neighbors, so here's updates on stuff you may or may not like.

• Ridley Scott is working on yet another version of Blade Runner, Reuters reports, adding and extending scenes of the 1982 dystopian sci-fi flick for brief run in L.A. and New York before its Dec. 18 DVD release (in three-, four- and five-disc format, no less). Scott must have been hanging out with George Lucas too much.

• George A. Romero’s latest zombie film, Diary of the Dead, will be premiering at the Toronto International Film Festival in September, the Hollywood Reporter says. Surprisingly, the movie is not about Anna Nicole Smith.

• Billy Crudup has signed on to play Dr. Manhattan in the movie adaptation of Alan Moore’s and Dave Gibbons’ 1986 comic series Watchmen, E! Online reports. He joins Malin Akerman as the Silk Spectre, Patrick Wilson as Nite-Owl, Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach, Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Comedian and Matthew Goode as Ozymandias. This could either be Spider-Man good or League of Extraordinary Gentlemen bad.

• And finally, the trailer for Beowulf is up and running, showing off for the first time how processes called performance capture and electro oculography make actors like Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Crispin Glover and yes, Angelina Jolie look like they’re in the movie when they really aren’t, Ain’t It Cool News reports. Confused? Click here and see the animated troupe for yourself.

Angelina mad people don't like downer movie

Looks like Angelina Jolie isn’t taking the bad news well about her poor box office performance for A Mighty Heart, which has earned about $9-million or so.

“She poured her heart into the story and can’t believe people don’t understand how important it is,” a source tells Us Weekly.

So what does Angie do to take her mind off things? She vacations with Brad Pitt and their brood at a $13,818-a-week manor in Marthon, France, complete with swimming pool and private theater (no doubt so she can screen her movie over and over again, talking about how awesome it is).

Meanwhile, The Juice* hopes to be able to take some time off for a weekend trip to Crystal River soon. So there.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Mindy McCready nabbed for violation

Country singer Mindy McCready was arrested Wednesday at Nashville International Airport after allegedly violating her probation by fighting with her mama in Fort Myers, the AP reports.

The 31-year-old singer was on probation for getting OxyContin illegally in 2004 (she’s still waiting on word from violating that by being arrested for DUI in 2005).

She was arrested last week south of here when she scratched up her mom's face and then resisted arrested, leading to three violations: being charged with a new offense, not reporting those charges to her officer and assaulting someone.

Sounds like she could use some of those Ten Thousand Angels to help her out.

[Photo: AP]

Are you, too, living a nightmare?

Stephen Colbert wants to hear about it, since he's been doing that fake-news-reporter thing for a loooooong time. Here's a clip of him doing his schtick during the short-lived Dana Carvey Show back in the day ...

Lindsay's mad night of drunkeness revealed

The Insider’s Gina Glickman dished the details about what exactly happened to Lindsay Lohan the night she fell off the wagon.

The correspondent said Lohan's “friends” laid the whole evening out, saying the actress was having a confab at her home when she started drinking at some point.

Her assistant Tarin Graham came in looking tearful and tousled, and Lindsay pulled her aside out of concern. After an altercation, Tarin either quit or Lindsay fired her, leading Tarin to leave the house. Lohan followed with two people in the Denali she was driving.

Tarin’s mother made the 911 call, afraid someone was chasing her, but by the time cops caught up with them in that parking lot, they saw Lindsay and “zeroed in” on her, when she was “strong-armed into taking a breathalyzer test,” according to Glickman.

And the coke? Not hers. “She was wearing someone else’s pants,” Glickman writes.

Now LiLo is in constant contact with mom Dina, who says she is trying to save her daughter’s life. If you ask The Juice* (we’re wearing our own pants, by the way), contact with Dina is one of the biggest problems in this equation. But if the AP is right, Lindsay will have six months in the clink to be away anyway, so ...

[Photo: AP]

Zed busted with crack in NYC

Ever wondered what really happened to the guy who played Zed in Pulp Fiction? Well, he’s not dead — actor Peter Greene was arrested Tuesday for holding some crack, the New York Daily News said.

Greene had a big problem with heroin and coke back in the ’90s, but it was believed he had cleaned up his act. He even had a shot on NBC’s The Black Donnellys before it was canceled, but that wasn’t enough to keep him from being busted on Avenue D in the East Village.

Hopefully no one will bring out the Gimp in the county lockup.

Some music for your morning

Okay, this Sia video for Buttons is making the rounds, first on Perez yesterday and now on BWE today, so we thought we'd share this madness with the rest of you. It's no Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel, but unlike most videos it's at least interesting enough to make us watch the whole thing. Looks like Pee-Wee Herman was on to something.

Pointless Web-related story of the day

While the U.N. could be devoting resources to stopping regional genocides or preventing world hunger, a panel for that agency has ruled that a Brooklyn man must give up ownership of the domain name thesimpsonsmovie.com to Twentieth Century Fox.

Keith Malley had been using the site to redirect surfers to a site showing several characters from The Simpsons in sexually explicit depictions (it’s a strange world out there, folks), and later to his “Keith and the Girl” Web site, the AP reports.

Fox filed a complaint to the World Intellectual Property Organization, which found that Malley “has no rights or legitimate interests with respect to the domain name” and ordered its immediate return.

The AP tried to reach Malley for comment but tellingly, he has no phone.

Oprah's really loaded and you're not

If you’re sitting around at your workplace stewing over how to pay your homeowner’s insurance, just think how hard it must be to be Oprah Winfrey. The woman has to both host and produce her show for a measly $260-million per year, says TV Guide, making her the highest-paid TV star in the universe.

A distant second is Simon Cowell, who clocks in at a mere $45-million. Actor-wise, CSI’s William Petersen tops the prime-time list with half-a-mil per episode (followed by Charlie Sheen, Mariska Hartigay and Chris Meloni, who all get $350,000 a show), while Judge Judy rakes in $30-million per year on the daytime list, much better than Bob Barker’s $10-million for his final year on The Price is Right.

And news anchors? CBS Evening News’ Katie Couric clears $15-million annually, besting Today co-hosts Matt Lauer ($12-million) and Meredith Viera ($10-million). Meanwhile, The Juice* is due a 2.5-percent raise sometime next spring. Maybe.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Melanie B destroys Eddie Murphy in interview

A no doubt well-orchestrated campaign of vengeance the likes of which not seen since The Count of Monte Cristo was published is underway, as Melanie Brown began her long-delayed badmouthing of Eddie Murphy to Essence.

It seems the Scary Spice not only planned her baby Angel with Murphy, but the cad didn’t even have the decency to tell her he had left her in the dust.

“I went to London, and on my return flight I learned that he made that announcement about wanting a DNA test on that TV show. Then I saw him on the red carpet with Tracey Edmonds, and that’s when I knew we were over,” she says. Afterward, “I called him … (He said), ‘I’ll call you back’ — and he never did.”

But the worst thing is the insinuation that the baby was an accident, she says. “This was a completely planned pregnancy. I called his assistant to let her know I was going into labor. … And still nothing; not even a hello to the baby, not even a (diaper) or flowers.” Mel B 1, Eddie 0.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Final familial link abondons USS Britney

Britney Spears’ cousin Alli, pretty much the only family member Brit still spoke with until this recent OK! interview fiasco (during which she took or ruined about $21,000 worth of borrowed designer clothing), has reached out to baby’s daddy Kevin Federline to try and pry Sean and Jayden away from the fading pop singer.

OK! quotes a source as saying, “Alli gave specific instances where Brit couldn’t handle having the kids. Kevin was angry at Britney for putting his kids in jeopardy and immediately phoned his lawyer to investigate the claims further. He couldn’t believe she had gotten so out of control.”

All this is leading K-Fed to push for a redrafted divorce settlement to give him full-time custody of the tykes. Frankly, the kids lose either way, so we don’t know which side of the fence we’re on in this one.

Jessica Alba dumps loser boyfriend

Us Weekly says Jessica Alba’s available again! The 26-year-old has dumped producer Cash Warren after more than two years together, the magazine’s web site says.

A source tells the glossy that Alba called Warren on Sunday while she was out promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer to say, “I’m not in love with you anymore.” Ouch! She then sent an assistant to pack his stuff in their L.A. home and move him out. Harsh for a guy Alba was said “might be The One” in Cosmo.

The breakup “happened ... almost out of nowhere,” the magazine’s source says. “(Cash) thinks it’s for another guy but doesn’t know. ... He’s totally devastated. But it was all her.” Now we have to convince Mrs. Juice* it wasn’t for us.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Beyonce bounces on her face in Orlando

Beyonce sure can take a tumble with grace, as the R&B diva fell down a set of stairs and flat onto her face during her show in Orlando Tuesday night.

She sprang up quick as a wink and continued to sing on cue. TMZ says she reportedly asked the crowd after the song not to post any video of the crash on YouTube — so see footage of the fumble below.

If that’s true, it’s like handing a fat man some fried chicken and telling him not to eat it.

LiLo e-mails innocence, confirms craziness

As another sign that Lindsay Lohan is competing with Britney Spears in a contest toward complete self-destruction, she e-mailed Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush late Tuesday, writing, “I am innocent.” A .13 breath-test reading says otherwise, Linds.

Bush had just spoken about Lohan on CNN when the 21-year-old made the claim, adding, “... did not do drugs they’re not mine.”

She also said there was good reason she was squabbling with her former assistant’s mother in a parking lot at 1:30 a.m.: “I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom.”

And further proof of her apparently delusional state? She concluded her message with, “I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.” Maybe they don’t have TV, internet access or The Juice* at the Betty Ford Clinic.

[Photo: Madame Tussaud's dresses up LiLo's wax figure. Getty Images]

Maybe he was jealous of Luke's iPhone

The New York Post says Luke Wilson had to change his phone number this weekend after that Jackass Johnny Knoxville ruined Wilson’s stay at the Polaroid Beach House in Malibu for a party Saturday.

Knoxville hired a plane to fly a banner over the house reading “Luke Wilson’s phone number 3105000082.” Apparently the number was real, and Wilson was answering calls for quite a spell until he got sick of the shenanigans and changed the number.

Great, now we have to edit our speed-dial.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Get a little tune stuck in your head

It's an oldie, but it'll have you singing "Oven for Chad Ned Slide" all day long. Just like us.

Thanks, H-Dawg.

Quote of the day

“my mouth still looks wonky, i think i gott go back to paris tot he dr, hes nit a cosmetic surgeon he just fixes bad surgery ... this really isnt znyones business but im hating that id di that to my mouth back in the day ... i just wnt the mouth god gave me back.”

— A post on Courtney Love’s MySpace page discussing plastic surgery. Grammar counts, kids.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Britney is as crazy as ever during shoot

Goodness! We went a whole day without telling you about Britney Spears that we have to come back. TMZ reports that last week’s photo shoot with OK! was so bad, the magazine is debated whether to actually show them, lest they destroy the pop tart’s hopes of any sort of comeback.

Sources tell the site that Spears was behaving so erratically that the photos (in this Friday's edition) may “kill her career.” Her paranoia was so bad that she reportedly was afraid of the roof caving in on her, and after wiping her greasy fried-chicken figners on her Gucci dress, she used a Chanel number to pick up after her new pooch’s housebreaking mistakes.

And not only could some of the best hair and makeup people not help Brit — she insisted on letter her “skanky friends” fix her up — even her personal assistant (and cousin) Alli says she’s “done” working for her.

Friends and neighbors, with Lohan out and Spears falling fast, we’re fretting we’ll need to find new targets.

A show that likely won't draw a big audience

The Hartford Courant draws to our attention a little reality show from the U.K. called There’s Something About Miriam, a show that first aired across the pond in 2004 and resulted in having its contestants sue the show for conspiracy to commit sexual assault, breach of contract, defamation and psychological and emotional damage, according to the Courant’s Roger Catlin.

Whatever for? Well, the premise of the show is six hot guys dating one hot girl named Miriam, with the prize being a cruise and $20,000 — except at the end of the show, Miriam announces to the clueless winner she’s actually a transsexual.

And now for the fun part: This show, called “the cruellest reality show idea yet” when it was released, is coming to the Fox Reality Channel, a network that is unfortunately available in our area.

This from a network that shows programs like The Search for the Next Elvira and Solitary 2.0, its signature imprisonment show. Check out the awkward reveal below:

The Guns, minus the Rose, will play again

It’s been about 20 years since Guns N’ Roses released Appetite For Destruction, and to mark the occasion, the group may be reuniting —minus Axl Rose, though.

Yahoo! Music quotes drummer Steven Adler as saying he, Slash, Izzy Stradlin and Duff McKagan will be at the Key Club in L.A. on Saturday, but Rose most likely won’t be there, although a full reunion is in the cards someday.

“Axl and I spoke to each other in Las Vegas recently, and I know there’s a chance,” Adler said. “It’s just too big. Whatever the Stones make when they play, we’d triple it. It’d be ridiculous not to do it. He can’t be that goofy.”

The Juice* doesn’t know about that — has Adler seen Rose lately?

[Photo: Handout]

Lopez, Anthony joined at the hip for tour

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are taking a page from Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, planning a national tour that will pair the husband-and-wife in concerts to end all Spanish-language concerts, Newsday reports.

The duo say the caravan — supporting Lopez’s Spanish album Como Ama Una Mujer and Anthony’s soundtrack to Hector Lavoe biopic El Cantante, a movie in which the couple starred — will kick off Sept. 29 in Atlantic City with other stops TBA. Tickets go on sale Aug. 10 on www.livenation.com.

“Jennifer has never toured,” Anthony told Billboard. “I’ve toured all my life. This is where I can step in and say, ‘Oh, my God, this could be fun,’ and introduce her to that world. It is something she’s always wanted to do, but she’s never had the time.”

And it’s all for a good cause: The “Jennifer & Marc en Concierto” tour will be sponsored by ING, and an entire dollar (that’s 100 whole pennies!) will be donated to ING’s Run For Something Better child fitness program. Of course, the vendors will be selling cheeseburgers and funnel cakes at the shows, but hey, a full dollar!

[Photo: Getty Images]

Drunken media obsession Lohan busted with coke

It's enough to make you believe there's no magic in the world: Lindsay Lohan, who slogged through two stints in rehab and was even voluntarily wearing an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet, has been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and cocaine possession early Tuesday, the AP reports. And her sobriety officially ends at two weeks. A new record!

Lindsay, who is already facing DUI charges in Beverly HIlls for a Memorial Day weekend accident, was busted by police in the parking lot of Santa Monica's Civic Center after they got a call about a white Denali chasing a black Escalade, Sgt. Shane Talbot said. And who says the SUV was dead?

Apparently the three people in the Escalade knew Lohan and her two passengers, but were unaware she was chasing them. Sounds like another case of normal L.A. driving gone wrong.

A breath test turned up a result of about .13 percent, plenty more than the .08 legal limit in California. LiLo was booked on two misdemeanor charges of DUI and driving on a suspended license (we know how that one goes) and two charges of cocaine possession -- found in her pants pockets -- and transporting a narcotic.

This is amid reports from X17 that Lohan is trying to sell photos directly to the paparazzi or $30,000 or more, making LiLo sound more desperate by the minute. TMZ says she’s gone back to rehab, but is eschewing Promises