Brittany Snow's dangerous diet

Disturbing news from MTVU.com, which is where budding starlet and Tampa native Brittany Snow (Hairspray) chose to reveal that she once had a full-on eating disorder. "I lived on pineapple," said the  21-year-old actress, who was only 12 at the time. She lost 10 pounds, received compliments on her looks, and then couldn’t stop. "It kind of progressed into this thing where I needed to always be dieting and losing weight and more weight," she said. At age 15, she was stepping on the scale 10 to 15 times a day, and her hair was falling out. "I was getting this fuzz on my face and I was always cold — always to the point of uncontrollably shaking." At 85 pounds, she began cutting herself. At age 19, she went to rehab and got help for her depression. “But the eating stuff was still really hard to deal with," she said. "It’s still a struggle."

The Britney Instability Tour '07

After shopping in Atlanta last week, then turning her own camera on the paparazzi at a Burbank burrito joint, the Britney Spears vortex of crazy gets bigger every day. The fine journalists of Access Hollywood have even had enough. After witnessing a melee outside a Mexican restaurant thursday, online managing editor Jeremy Blacklow said, "I've never felt particularly sorry for her in the past, but after witnessing the way she was treated, I've changed my mind. She seemed very sweet -- to other restaurant patrons, to the restaurant staff, to her fans and to the paparazzi -- but this roving pack that follows her everywhere seems to really just have gotten out of control." She's also had public offers of sanctuary from Elton John, Victoria Beckham and Joey "Remember me, Britney" Fatone, who all say she looks like she could use some mothering. We can probably all agree, if there's one person who knows how to escape the public spotlight, it's Joey Fatone.

Madge a Hall of Famer?

Get out your cone bras, Madonna may be heading for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. But she might have  some campaigning to do. Madge joins heartland rocker John Mellencamp, puckish rappers the Beastie Boys and premiere dance acts Donna Summer and Chic among the nine nominees for the hall. The five leading vote-getters will be inducted next March. The other nominees are rap pioneer Afrika Bambaataa, literate songwriter Leonard Cohen, the original British invasion combo the Dave Clark Five and surf-rock instrumentalists the Ventures. But have any of them crawled across a stage in a torn wedding dress? (Don't answer that, Johnny Cougar.)

(Photo: Associated Press)

Evan Rachel Wood squishes Beatles

No one around The Juice* pretends to understand Manson-loving starlet Evan Rachel Wood, so we can’t be shocked that she’s now ashamed of recent tattoos. Wood told People she enjoyed filming the Beatles-themed snorefest "Across the Universe" so much she got a tattoo in tribute to the Fab Four. But now the 20-year-old is getting it covered up “because nobody can figure out what it is. ... It’s supposed to be a strawberry with leaves in the shape of a bird, but everybody says, 'Is that a ferret sticking out of an apple?’” Wood still has a lightning bolt tattoo in tribute to David Bowie and a black heart from good ol’ B-F Marylin. “It represents mad love,” she said of the heart. Does it ever.

(Photo: Getty Images.)

'Knight Rider' to ride again?

There is no news better than this. None. Nada. NBC is considering bringing back "Knight Rider" as a TV movie this spring, with the possibility of a series to follow next fall. And that's not all -- it'll be helmed by Doug Liman, the director of Swingers, The Bourne Identity and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. There's talk of making it a lot like "Transformers" (the General Motors fanboyish part, not the gratiuitary LaBeoufishness part), but the presence of a Bourne-related director can only be good for KITT's business. Just let the Hoff make a cameo and we can die in peace.

(Photo: AP)

Dr. Cowell to the rescue

Maybe all those times Simon Cowell was abusing "American Idol" contestants, he was only trying to help them. While judging on the panel of "X Factor," the British version of "American Idol," Cowell and Sharon Osbourne told a 46-year-old contestant she sounded like she was choking and should visit a doctor. Turns out, Jacqui Gray did -- and the doc told her she had the potentially fatal lung disease bronchiectasis. "I may not have got through 'X Factor,' but they gave me something much more important than that," she told the Mirror. "They really did save my life."

Dr. Cowell's official diagnosis?

(Photo illustration credit: AP, MS Paint, and shame, so much shame.)

Cruise smells trouble

There's really no delicate way to say this: Tom Cruise wants to know who farted. According to a report in London's Daily Mail, which is only slightly less reputable than our own reuben-induced fever dreams, Cruise organized a moment of silence on the set for the anti-Nazi heroes that are the subject of his upcoming film "Valkyrie," when someone reportedly cut the mustard. "Fortunately the mystery trumper didn't completely ruin the situation," a source tells the rag. "Quite rightly, Tom is furious. ... For somebody to pass wind in a situation like that is unforgiveable." (Heh heh -- "trumper.") Cruise has reportedly vowed to hunt down the guilty party and tell 'em to, um, stick it where the sun don't shine. Sorry, Tommy, but only four words came to our mind when we heard this story: "He who smelt it." (Yes, we are currently in third grade. More YooHoo please!)

(Photo: Getty Images.)

Get your tix for Rascal Flatts, Cult

Tickets for monster country trio Rascal Flatts go on sale at 10 a.m. Saturday, but you better be pretty quick on the click. They're no Hannah Montana, thank goodness, but we got a hunch tickets will be gone in minutes. After all, they sold 5 million albums last year and already have a No. 1 hit from their new CD, Still Feels Good. The concert is 8 p.m. Nov. 4 at the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa. Try your luck at tickets ($34.25-$73.50) at the box office, www.livenation.com or Ticketmaster: (813) 287-8844, (727) 898-2100 or www.ticketmaster.com.

English rock band The Cult had its heyday in the '80s, but it sill has a, uh, cult following. Tickets for the Oct. 30 concert at Jannus Landing in St. Pete go on sale at 10 a.m. Friday at the box office or Ticketmaster. They're $29.99.

HBO's 'Recount': Laura Dern as Katherine Harris?

Okay, now we finally have a reason to care about the presidential election. Variety reported this week that a cast is in place for 'Recount,' a made-for-HBO movie about the 2000 Florida election. It'll star  Kevin Spacey as former Al Gore chief of staff Ron Klain, Denis Leary as a Democratic pollster, Tom Wilkinson as Republican James Baker, Bob Balaban as the lead Bush/Cheney attorney, Ed Begley Jr. as the Democrats' lead attorney, and ... (dramatic pause) ... Laura Dern as former Secretary of State Katherine Harris. (An interesting choice. Wonkette wanted Glenn Close or Ellen Barkin; Radar Online suggested Sean Young or, um, Andy Dick.) Jay "Austin Powers" Roach will direct the drama, which will air during the heat of the 2008 presidential election. One casting suggestion: We think Nicole Richie was born to play the part of a hanging chad.

What do you think, Juice-o-matics: Who do you think should star in "Recount?" Who should play Jeb? Who should play the confused senior citizen who thinks he or she is voting for Pat Buchanan? How much should we offer to pay HBO if they'll film this thing in Tampa Bay?

(Above: Laura Dern reacting to Ellen DeGeneres's shocking, historic announcement that Laura will be playing Katherine Harris. Below: The former congresswoman, in happier times.)

Get ready for The Juice* LITE

I'm outta here until Tuesday, folks, but Big Jay Cridlin will be keeping the site up and running during the week while I'm gone. Don't be too hard on him ...

E!'s new show has got to get over the Hoff

E! has promised more scripted shows to wean itself off reality programming, so what do they do? Get Ryan Seacrest to produce a fictional show about a washed-up actor in Hollywood recovering from divorce starring David Hasselhoff. That sure sounds like a stretch.

Variety says Tales of the Hoff will basically rip off Curb Your Enthusiasm, and reports the plot is similar to the Hoff’s life because talks stemmed from him blabbing to everyone about how his trials and tribulations would make good TV fodder. But it at least has to be more entertaining than Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Charlie Sheen accused of molesting his girls

Trashy child-custody news is always a winner at The Juice*, and Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen fill in where Britney Spears and Kevin Federline leave off. Richards is alleging that Chuck shouldn’t have access to their daughters (Sam, 3, and Lola, 2) because their former nanny says Sheen is all about the bad touch, the New York Daily News says.

A sworn declaration from Diana Alvarez says Sheen inappropriately touched the girl’s “molees” and “tushys,” which “concerned” her. She also says Sam sleeps in the same bed as Charlie when his  fiancée, Brooke Mueller (with Charlie above), is in the guest room. Of course, Alvarez is the nanny Sheen fired after he started to think the woman was hired by Richards to spy on him, which she apparently was doing.

But to his credit, Denise admitted he’s been trying to make amends after all that ugly fighting they’ve been doing, apologizing in an Aug. 24 e-mail that read all the “vile attacks” he made “need to be wrapped in shame, and rocketed out into some distant soundless galaxy, where they could flame out.” It wouldn’t hurt if this pair was on the rocket, too.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Cops weren't part of Biggie's death, guy says

Waymond Anderson, the former R&B artist who said an LAPD officer was involved in Notorious B.I.G.’s murder, has finally admitted he made the whole thing up, the AP reports.

Anderson, who’s serving a life sentence for murder in a separate case, said in an Aug. 20 deposition that he lied when he testified that police officer Rafael Perez told him that another cop, David Mack, was involved in the 1997 killing of Biggie, a.k.a. Christoper Wallace.

Anderson said he was offered a portion of any settlement that resulted from the testimony by Biggie’s family and lawyer. “

I don’t know David Mack, I don’t know Rafael Perez,” Anderson said in the deposition. “It was a lie, and I’m ashamed of it.”

Both Perez and Mack have since left the force, probably because they were tired of dealing with liars and killers every day. No, wait ... Mack is serving a federal prison sentence for bank robbery. Sigh.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Probabilities and ratios for the rest of us

Thanks to Jessica Hagy, we can now quantify all of life's little issues in charts and graphs we can understand. Check out her doodlings, all of which are drawn on index cards, at her blog, INDEXED.

And thanks to El Diablo for pointing it out.

Jessica Biel already is a Wonder Woman (to us)

We’ve already speculated on the upcoming Justice League of America movie being not so good (seriously, how can you expect to get enough star power to play up Batman and Superman in the same movie when Christian Bale and Brandon Routh won’t portray them?).

But now Star is saying Jessica Biel is in talks to play Wonder Woman in the film, which may be worth the price of admission. Nothing is set in stone, but if there’s one person we’d pay to see riding invisible jets and using a golden lariat, it’s Biel.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Starstruck parents ruin school for Brangelina

When you’re Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, paparazzi pandemonium is the norm, but it’s apparently causing some problems at son Maddox’s school.

The New York Observer says Dan Cooke, the director of the Lycée Français de New York on the Upper East Side, sent a letter to gawking parents admonishing them for ogling Brangelina when they pick up and drop off their 5-year-old.

“Regretfully, I have seen some parents taking pictures, asking for autographs, talking to the media and even shouting at Ms. Jolie and Mr. Pitt for recognition,” the letter read. “Therefore, in the best interests of the school and safety of your child(ren) I must ask for everyone to please respect the family’s privacy and discontinue these practices.”

All the media attention has ruined little Maddie, too. The source says he started crying when teachers gave an assignment to bring in a picture of themselves. That’s the price of fame, kid.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Racist death threats target Halle Berry, baby

Halle Berry has hired on security guards after getting apparently racist death threats against her and her unborn baby, the U.K.’s Mirror says.

The 41-year-old actress, who is three months pregnant with white model Gabriel Aubry’s child, allegedly received the hateful letters at her L.A. home, including one that read she and the child would be “cut into hundreds of pieces.”

A source tells the paper that “Halle does not normally use security but she has taken on a couple of guys to make sure.” Man, we hope this awful news is really just grubby Brits looking to sell papers.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Usher and Tameka are having a boy

Now that Usher and Tameka Foster have finally tied the knot, they felt compelled to tell People a little secret — Tameka’s baby is going to be a boy! The singer has already decided he’s going to name his son Usher — he’s the fourth straight in his family to bear that name.

But as for Tameka, she tells the mag that she feels great but has strange cravings. “I eat ice all day,” she said. “It’s a weird thing. I love it. Now I’m thinking about ice. I want to find some ice.”

And while they’re hoping for a natural birth, Foster hedges her bets. “I don’t want drugs,” she said. “I’ll try. I say that now. You call me about ten hours into labor. I’ll be asking for everything. Vicodin and everything.”

She needs that just to deal with Usher’s mom, Jonetta Patton, who says she’s “very excited about being a grandmother.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

Brangelina adopt -- yawn -- a pit bull

How do we deal with slow news days at The Juice* By reporting on pointless things like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopting a new member of the family — a pit bull.

TMZ says the family has added a white pup named Lennie, which was spied by paparazzi with Brad in New York. The site makes a vague reference to how adding an immature pit bull to the mix when there’s four kids in the house “may not be ideal,” quoting a pit bull rescue group, but if there’s one family we know won’t teach a dog to maim others, it’s the Brangelina clan.

Ever have one of those days?

The Juice* sure does. Just like pro fisherman Bill Dance (Tampa Bay anglers no doubt know him), who gets a sharp reminder to mind the slack on the reel.

'Halo 3' fans shouldn't rip on Zac Efron

This is the perfect couple for all the  high-schoolers out there: Dreamy, cute-in-a-non-threatening way Zac Efron tries to look as hardcore as any High School Musical cast member can (for the girls) while standing next to some nitwit wearing a Master Chief outfit during the launch of Halo 3 for the Xbox 360 (for the boys). The Juice* will spare you the geeky details of Efron's stint at the release of the video game in Universal City, Calif., but you will notice that Vanessa Hudgens is nowhere in sight.

[Photo: AP]

50 Cent destroys Kanye West in Europe

Kanye West may have beaten 50 Cent soundly on the charts here in the States, but across the pond it's a different matter.

Fiddy went straight to number one in the European charts with Curtis, NME.com reports, while West's Graduation is a distant third behind Manu Chao's La Radiolina. Euros must like that St. Louis sound a whole lot more.

Meanwhile, 50 Cent is making up for some missed appearances at European awards shows by scheduling an 8-stop tour around England and Scotland in November. So much for retirement.

[Photo: Getty Images]

'Dark Knight' FX tech killed in crash

An unidentified special effects techie has been killed in a truck crash during production of the next Batman movie, The Dark Knight, the AP reports.

Warner Bros. says the man was on a truck carrying a camera platform when the vehicle struck a tree while following a stunt vehicle on Monday. The accident took place during a test run at a racetrack south of London.

The studio said producers, cast and crew "are deeply saddened by this tragedy and their hearts and prayers go out to the family and loved ones of the deceased."

Angelina Jolie to meet with Brit official

Angelina Jolie is keeping up her part as goodwill ambassador for the UN by planning to meet with British Foreign Secretay David Miliband this week to discuss global diplomacy, the AP reports.

"He will meet Angelina Jolie in New York," a spokeswoman said Tuesday. Miliband has been seeking to soften Britain's image in the foreign policy arena after getting involved with the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

The AP also reports that Jolie will soon appear on a revamped Foreign Office Web site, because she's just not famous enough.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Gov. Crist observes Yom Kippur with Santiago

Does Gov. Charlie Crist have a plan to win over the female voters of South Florida one woman at a time? In May, tbt* reported that the gov had been dating Kelly Crosby Heyniger, a Palm Beach County mother of two and former beauty queen who was vying to become "America's Hottest Mom."

Last Friday night, Crist showed up at a Yom Kippur service in Miami with local CBS-4 TV reporter (and former Playboy model) Jennifer Santiago on his arm.

"It's not clear the extent of the relationship," says the Miami Herald's Naked Politics blog, "but Santiago has boasted on her Web site that the single gov granted her his first 'exclusive interview in the mansion' in February."

Santiago is a 1997 graduate of Villanova University law school. Besides being a TV reporter, she is also an attorney, writer and photographer. When she posed for Playboy, she used the name Jennifer Klarman.

Some people were not pleased to see Crist bring her to the service, which he attended as the guest of state Rep. Dan Gelber, D-Miami Beach.

"How nice," one person wrote in a posting on the Herald Web site. "He brings a former Playboy bunny to synagogue on the holiest day of the year for atonment. Nice ... Respectful ..." Retorted another person: "Like half the women at that temple should be throwing stones."

As for Heyniger, normally unreliable sources tell tbt* she's out of the picture.

[Photo: From Santiago's Web site at web.mac.com/santiagoesq/iweb/Site/Welcome.html]

PETA's picks: Dita Von Teese and Maggie Q

Now that Alicia Silverstone's nude ads for vegetarianism have been splashed all over the place, PETA pulls out the big guns in two new campaigns for animal rights.

First, Dita Von Teese sports a corset in an ad for the group's new Animal Birth Control program, a campaign designed to convince people to spay and neuter their new pets to prevent unwanted critter offspring. Why they decided to feature an oversexed burlesque performer to make that point is beyond us, but hey, we don't make those calls.

Next, actress Maggie Q has been tapped to stretch out on a bed of chili peppers and wear a lettuce-leaf bikini to promote vegetarianism for PETA Asia-Pacific. At least she didn't have to strip down all the way to get notice like Silverstone did.

[Photos: Getty Images, PETA]

As an added bonus, here's a behind-the-scenes video of Dita for PETA:

Maya Rudolph ISN'T leaving 'SNL' after all

UPDATE:  Entertainment Weekly's Web site reported that Saturday Night Live staple Maya Rudolph wouldn’t be back for an eighth season, telling NBC on Sunday even though the show’s premiere is on Saturday.

But the truth is she decided on Tuesday to return to the show.

"It was an agonizing decision, but ultimately, I feel I made the best choice both as a mother and as an actress," she says. "I couldn’t be happier to be returning to SNL."

That’s good; We thought she suffered the fate of Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Finesse Mitchell, who were canned last September. Now we get more Whitney Houston impersonations!

 

[Photo: Getty Images]

Jack Bauer's one weakness: the sauce

It looks like Jack Bauer is going the way of Lindsay Lohan (and Nicole Richie, and all the other celebutards we write about). Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for DUI Monday night in West Hollywood after making an illegal u-turn, TMZ says.

The police report says Sutherland allegedly blew twice the legal limit of .08. The site says it's his second DUI in the past five years, after having been arrested in 2004 (believe it or not, he was busted in 1988 and 1993, too, CelebTV reports). That means, by California law, Kiefer will have to serve at least five days in jail. (Don't worry, K, we know plenty of folks you can ask for pointers on life in the big house.)

Sutherland was leaving the Fox Fall Eco-Casino party at Area nightclub, where you'd think somebody would have kept an eye on him. Cops say he was "cooperative and mellow" after being booked and eventually released on $25,000 bond.

A hearing is scheduled for Oct. 16, but an interesting side note is that Sutherland is listed by the L.A. County Sheriff as 5'10" and 150 pounds. Somehow we can't imagine international terrorists being beaten down by a guy smaller than our junior high science teacher.

[Photo: Getty Images]

... We repeat, Miley Cyrus is not pregnant ...

You have to be careful what you write about in this business, because fully 70 percent of it likely isn’t true. Such was the case with Internet rumors over the weekend that 14-year-old Miley Cyrus was pregnant.

Various gossip sites (but not blogs.tampabay.com/juice) were centering on an article in J-14 in which the text was doctored to make it sound as if Hannah Montana was going to be sporting a baby bump.

E! Online reports the story quoted Cyrus as saying “I’m going to take good care of my baby, I’ve already gained 7 pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally, I went a little to [sic] far. I’m sorry to all of my fans.” What a scoop!

But not true: “J-14 NEVER reported Miley Cyrus is pregnant,” editor-in-chief Janet Giovanelli said in a statement. “Someone doctored the ‘This Just In’ article that appeared on page 16 of J-14’s July 2007 issue.”

We’ll have to believe them here, because you’d have to be pretty crass to write anything about a pregnant 14-year-old ...

[Photo: Getty Images]

'Die Hard' director gets four months in prison

John McTiernan, the director of such Juice* favorites as Die Hard and Predator, was sentenced to four months in prison Monday for lying to FBI agents, Reuters reports.

McTiernan was one of seven defendants who pleaded guilty in connection with the conspiracy and racketeering case of disgraced celebrity detective Anthony Pellicano, who was charged with using illegal wiretaps and illicit database searches to eavesdrop on a who’s who of Hollywood celebs and execs.

The feds had questioned McTiernan whether he had asked Pellicano to tap producer Charles Roven, who worked with John on 2002’s Rollerball. A district judge denied a motion by McTiernan to withdraw his April 2006 guilty plea, and tacked on two years probation and a $100,000 fine. That’s better than Pellicano, who could get up to 20 years for each of his racketeering charges in an 110-count indictment.

Five superheroes to ruin one mediocre movie

It’s geek time at The Juice*. Variety reports that Warner Bros. has signed George Miller to direct an upcoming  live-action version of Justice League of America.

You probably have seen a film by the 62-year-old Aussie, who not only helmed the Mad Max trilogy, but also Babe: Pig in the City and the penguin yarn Happy Feet.

The film, which will likely feature Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and the Flash battling an as-yet-unnamed villain, is slated for a 2009 release.

Unfortunately (since it would likely cost the GDP of Luxembourg to make the movie if they were hired), neither Christian Bale nor Brandon Routh are expected to reprise their roles as Batman and Superman, respectively.

The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan has gone so far as to petition Warner Bros. to not make JLA until his Batman projects are done. Because a campy JLA flick would totally shatter the illusion.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Nick Hogan pleads no contest to speeding

Our Breaking News blog reports the following:

Nick Bollea, the 17-year-old son of wrestler Hulk Hogan, opted not to contest an Aug. 10 speeding ticket and was ordered to pay $1,000 for the offense, the maximum possible fine.

Authorities said Bollea was driving 82 mph in a 45 mph zone when he was pulled over by Pinellas Park police in the 10100 block of U.S. 19. He was cited for speeding in a construction zone with workers present and not wearing a seat belt.

On Monday, Pinellas Judge William Overton found Bollea guilty. In addition to the fine, Bollea was ordered to complete a 12-hour driver improvement course within 90 days. Overton also fined him $73.50 on the seatbelt charge.

On Aug. 26, Bollea lost control of his Toyota Supra and crashed into a palm tree near downtown Clearwater. His friend and passenger, John Graziano, 22, has been in critical condition since the accident. Clearwater police say the investigation is ongoing and have not filed charges.

10 lousy cartoons from the '80s

The boys at Cracked have compiled a horrendous time-waster for you today, determining the 10 Most Disastrous Saturday Morning Cartoon Adaptations (including Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling, shown above). Find out once and for all what the big deal was with those two Ghostbusters cartoons HERE.

It's a girl for Salma Hayek and fiance

Since she’s been keeping a low profile the whole time, The Juice has to announce a little late that 41-year-old Salma Hayek last week gave birth to a baby girl, Valentina Paloma Pinault. “Mother and child are doing well,” flack Cari Ross told the AP.

Us says Salma’s mother Diana, brother Sami and fiance Francois-Henri Pinault were present for the delivery. Don’t expect to see mom and babe walking around town soon, though. The magazine says she plans to take a month off to camp out in their Bel Air home.

UPDATE: Hayek’s not the only new mom: Dancing With the Stars co-host Samantha Harris gave birth Sunday to a baby girl, her publicist said. Josselyn Sydney Hess is the first child for Harris and husband Michael Hess.

[Photo: Getty Images]

LiLo accused of being a homewrecker

Gossip hounds who have been keeping up to date with the whereabouts of Lindsay Lohan no doubt would recognize the underlying reason for British heiress Stephanie Allen’s divorce proceedings from rocker Tony Allen.

The Dead Stays Alive frontman had been enjoying a stay at Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Utah a little too much, it seems, so Steph filed a 52-page set of divorce papers in Chatham County Court in Savannah, Ga., saying her three-year marriage “is irretrievably broken” because of his “adultery” and “cruel treatment.”

That adultery is implied to include Lohan, referring to Tony’s “conduct and relationship with another woman” as described in gossip rags and scandal sites like The Juice*. That means it was likely Tony allegedly being bonked by LiLo in the bathroom at Cirque, as we wrote about last month.

Stephanie wants to retain custody of their 8-month-old twins, which should leave the 39-year-old Tony plenty of time to babysit his new, 21-year-old girlfriend.

It's Music Monday!: 'Rated X' by Meg and Jack

Let's go back to a 2001 performamce at the Detroit Institute of the Arts to listen to the White Stripes sing Loretta Lynn's Rated X. Appropriate, no?

Okay, is it Meg White in that sex tape or what?

It’s only Monday and already we have rumors of a celebrity sex tape.

Granted, the celebrity is merely White Stripes drummer Meg White, and frankly, it’s debatable if the woman seen fumbling around with some yahoo for all of two-and-a-half minutes in the video clip making the rounds on the InterWebs is Meg. (Sorry, we can't link you to it; we're still a newspaper first and filth merchants second.)

But what’s fun about all this is that A) it’s about someone besides the usual starlets and harlots and B) bloggers everywhere are hypothesizing that this is the root of the “acute anxiety” from which Meg suffered, leading to the Sept. 11 cancellation of her planned tour with Jack White.

We don’t know if that’s true and (since we like Meg) we don’t really care; besides, sex tapes have become rather passe since airheaded celebutantes learned they could get rich(er) selling them.

UPDATE: Meg’s rep tells TMZ it’s not her: “Some people have a very twisted sense of humor and this prank is in particularly bad taste. The tape circulating on the Internet as featuring Meg White is fake. It’s definitely not Meg.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

Britney busted in hit and run, y'all

Britney Spears crashes the car
Uploaded by marlon13

Remember how The Juice* shared the above video with you of Britney Spears crunching into a parked car in a San Fernando Valley parking lot? Because of that little incident, she's now being charged on Friday with hit and run and driving without a valid drivers license, wire services report.

The two misdemeanors carry a maximum penalty of six months in jail and a $1,000 fine each.

If you'll recall, a glassy-eyed Brit turned her convertible into a parking space and dented the heck out of the car next to her, exclaiming "I'm a brainiac!" and asking paps, "Did I hurt my car?". While paparazzi snapped away, she lumbered out of her car, inspected her front fender while ignoring the other car, and walked away as if nothing had happened.

The hit and run we've seen with our own eyes, but the license issue is new.

"According to the DMV, Ms. Spears was never issued a California license –- ever,” says Frank Mateljan, an L.A. County official. That's sure to help her child-custody case, right?

Clooney, friend hurt in motorcycle crash

George Clooney and a pal were hurt in a motorcycle accident Friday when a boneheaded Jersey driver turned into them, the AP reports.

Clooney broke a rib and suffered some road rash while his passenger, Sarah Larson, suffered a broken foot. The two were treated at Palisades Medical Center in North Bergen and released, Clooney's spokesman, Stan Rosenfield, said.

"He's doing fine," Rosenfield said. "He has a broken rib, it's very painful and it'll take a long time to heal."

Both were wearing helmets at the time, when some as-yet-unidentified idiot in Weehawken put on their left blinker and promptly turned into Clooney as he passed them on the right.

Of course, that's Rosenfield's take, and authorities were quick to point out passing on the right was illegal in any instance.

We can't bear another two hours in the office

Okay, here's another time-waster for the weekend, via BWE, showing what ahppens when you wear a baby seal outfit to the polar bear exhibit.

Ramones drummer suing everyone

Richard “Richie Ramone” Reinhardt, who performed with the Ramones between 1983 and 1987, sued Wal-Mart, Apple, RealNetworks, the band’s management and the estate of its lead guitarist, claiming he had never fully signed over the rights to the six songs he wrote for the group, the AP reports.

The drummer says he is owed at least $900,000 in royalties, asking a court to issue an injunction preventing further use of his compositions without permission.

The suit also names two production companies involved with the estate of guitarist John Cummings, a.k.a. Johnny Ramone.

That’s a pretty steep price tag for a guy who manned the set for only six songs in the ’80s while Marky Ramone was taking a break.

We're obligated to show you this

Check out the promo for www.PolitiFact.com and try to keep from humming the fairly infectious tune being performed.

Britney shares a 'horror'scope with Anna Nicole

Vanity Fair is sooo cutting edge. The excyclopedia-sized mag’s astrology expert has noticed that Britney Spears shares the same chart with another ill-fated famester, Anna Nicole Smith.

Horoscoper Michael Lutin says Smith (b. Nov. 28) and Spears (b. Dec. 2) are both Sagittarius with Libra rising. That means, of course, that according to the heavens, the two girls are destined to follow the same path, and Lutin implies that path includes drug abuse and death at an early age. “

Instead of laughing at her and making fun of her just the way they did with Anna Nicole, somebody better step in and do something or it is going to be just like Anna Nicole,” Lutin writes. Not to be too callous or anything, but we don’t need a star chart to figure that one out.

Kim Kardashian just won't go away

The Juice* has been looking for a new worthless celebutante famous for being famous since we stopped writing about the Hilton clan, and unfortunately it looks like Kim Kardashian fits the bill.

Originally slated for some sort of coy, half-dressed photo shoot in Playboy, Us magazine says the December issue will now feature KiKa on the cover and in a 12-page photo spread that “will show one boob, and her bare butt.” Why so coy, after all the on-tape shenanigans with Ray Jay?

The shoot will be featured in her upcoming E! reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, but we’re more interested in the New York Post’s Page Six report that she’s now dating Terrence Howard. You’re making it happen, America.

[Photo: Getty Images]

And now another word about Floridians

Since we told you about ANTM's Kimberly Leemans yesterday, we direct you to a post in which compatriot Eric Deggans dishes about The Bachelor.

Erin Gardner (top right), Miss Tampa 2004, is a contestant on ABC’s reality-romance TV series The Bachelor. She joins Lady Lake resident Jessica Kiss (bottom right), an anchor for the Villages News Network, as the two Florida contestants among 25 women vying for the affections of 34-year-old Brad Womack, a entrepreneur from Austin, Texas.

In the Monday debut episode, released to TV critics this week, Gardner, 25, is shown admitting to a freak sports injury in which she broke her face with a football. ABC declined to make the University of South Florida graduate available for an interview until after she is off the show, either by ejection or winning.

The last Tampa woman to compete on The Bachelor, Mary Delgado, was in the show’s fourth and sixth seasons, eventually becoming the final choice of competitive fisherman Byron Velvick.

[Photos: ABC]

'24' really is desperate to turn it around

SPOILER ALERT! Our fave series 24, dangerously close to falling completely off our radar, is planning to fill the cast with at least one zombie next season.

The Fox series plans on resurrecting Carlos Bernard, who plays erstwhile Jack Bauer sidekick Tony Almeida, in the two-night season premiere in January, the New York Post reports.

If you’ll remember, the show led us to believe he was killed in CTU’s infirmary after a car bomb killed his wife, Michelle Dessler (played Reiko Aylesworth) in season five.

Exec producer Howard Gordon thinks you should suspend disbelief, though, “since there was no silent clock at the conclusion of his last appearance — the 24 tribute to major characters’ demise — we always kept this as a possibility.”

You know what else is a possibility? All of us giving up on implausible scenarios.

[Photo: Getty Images]

A rehab family portrait: Uncle Q and Aunt Amy

Heaven help us, the culmination of all our worst fears has come to pass -- these two in the same room at the same time. Amy Winehouse and Quentin Tarantino skank it up together backstage at the Music of Black Origin Awards in London late Wednesday. We can only assume Amy is greedily sucking out what little soul the former video store clerk has. Either that or they're both smashed.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Today's celebrity court docket

• Rod Stewart’s son Sean has been ordered to stand trial for allegedly throwing a brick at a pickup truck at a Hollywood party in April, including two charged of assault with a deadly weapon, the AP reports. Luckily he didn’t try to sing for the alleged victims, or else he could be charged with attempted murder.

• A judge has ruled The Game can have charges of impersonating a police officer dismissed if he stays out of trouble for six months, Reuters reports. Too bad he still faces three felony counts for allegedly pulling a gun during a basketball game in February.

• Denise Richards has petitioned a court to have ex-husband Charlie Sheen’s overnight visitation privileges with their two young daughters taken away because he allegedly has a penchant for trolling the Internet for underage hussies, the AP reports. That can’t possibly be true — he’d just have to troll Hollywood Boulevard for that.

What Britney should have done at the VMAs

So, everyone's heard that Britney Spears was supposed to wear a cinched-waist corset for her performance, but opted for her spangled bikini instead. Since The Juice* has a background in graphic design, we found this lesson in photo retouching fascinating, especially since it provides proof that sometimes, more really is more.

Thanks, H-Dawg.

Little-known radio guy mad at Stephen Colbert

Talk-radio host Cenk Uygur, who runs Air America’s The Young Turks, is raising a ruckus, saying Stephen Colbert stole a joke from his show.

Uygur has posted a YouTube video showing “proof” that Colbert swiped a joke comparing Republican presidential candidates discussing honor to a bunch of Klingons from Star Trek (see it below).

Uygur’s shtick ran Sept. 7, while Colbert presented a similar item on Sept. 11's episode of The Colbert Report.

“Who else would come up with this joke on their own?” Cenk asks rhetorically on the video. Gee, maybe anybody who’s ever seen an episode of Star Trek, ever.

Beware a few dirty words, please:

Could Hayden really kill a gossip-monger?

So is Hayden Panattiere single or what? TV Guide’s Michael Aussiello says that an incident on the red carpet at the Emmys in which the cheerleader threatened to “kill” an Us Weekly reporter was over that very claim.

The glossy said a week ago that she and Stephen Colletti had broken up, but Panattiere seemed willing to come to blows with a reporter from the mag. Ausiello reports that before she could lay a finger on the staffer, a publicist grabbed her, admonishing, “Not on the red carpet.”

Indeed, a steel cage or perhaps even a Thunderdome seem like better venues for that sort of thing.

[Photo: AP]

'ANTM' contestant has beauty and brains

Far be it from The Juice* to play favorites, but we have new details (well, new to us, anyway) on America’s Next Top Model contestant and Ocala native Kimberly Leemans.

It seems Kim is already a top model in Marion County, having beaten out 306 other contestants in a reader’s choice competition for Ocala magazine’s "Ocala’s Next Top Model." The 20-year-old topped four other finalists in an online poll and was featured on the cover of the mag’s June issue.

Want to know more about Leemans? “This world traveler and all-American beauty is a freshman at Florida International University,” the mag writes, “where she is currently learning Mandarin in addition to polishing her fluent French and Spanish.”

And now she’ll be battling the 12 other women on ANTM, like that angry girl and the one with the hunchback.

[Photo: Ocala magazine]