Ladies and gentlemen ... the Zombeatles

And what would Halloween be without zombies?

Britney speaks, says nothing

Leave it to Ryan Seacrest to pull the celebrity interview of the ... week. Britney Spears chimed on Seacrest's radio show Wednesday morning to offer her side of her life. The interview, however, was cut short so Britney could hop in the shower. (Seriously. You can’t make this stuff up.) "It's sad how cruel our world can be," she said. "At the end of the day, you just have to know in your heart that you’re doing the best you can do." She said she’s doing the best she can with her boys, but doesn't know much about their custody case. "That's, like, all in the court, my lawyers know all that stuff." Her lawyers, and readers of The Juice*, that is.

(Photo: AP)

What's that? I didn't notice ...

A second time waster? It must be a holiday!

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Cavalli spills J.Lo's pregnancy beans!

Nice job, Roberto Cavalli: You just blew J.Lo’s big secret, which none of us had any idea was coming. In an interview with People, Cavalli was asked what he typically designs for his clients. "Well, Jennifer Lopez, at this moment, she requests something very special because she is waiting for the baby. It is so complicated because every week she is getting bigger." So there is is, the cat’s out of the bag. Now will you confirm you’re pregnant, J.Lo?

(Photo: AP)

Beckham: I'm not a Scientologist

 

All you suppressive people out there can put your engrams to rest: David Beckham says Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes haven’t attempted to convert he and his wife, Poshyvicks Beckspice, to Scientology. "We respect their religion," Beckham told Arena magazine. "We respect everything they do and believe in. But they have never turned around to us and said, 'You have to be a part of this,' because that’s not what they’re about. It’s never been about that. ... There’s nothing being shoved down our throats because friends don’t do things like that." So what do they talk about? "We talk about all sorts. What’s happening that week, that day. ... I speak to him at least three or four times a week." He also said he keeps his marriage with Victoria fresh by doing "romantic things every day — write notes, make breakfast for each other. Something will happen every day that is romantic. ... Some people will go 'yuck' at all this. ... We were lucky to have wanted the same things in life — to have kids young and be adventurous."

(Photo: AP)

Tonyromobritneylapdancegate continues!

Tony Romo has finally buckled under pressure and offered his side of Tonyromobritneylapdancegate. When asked about Britney Spears, the Dallas Cowboys quarterback told Entertainment Tonight: "I think (it) sometimes goes with this position. Being the quarterback ... you're at the same place with someone else and people just run with it now. It’s happened a few times now, two or three times where people just say, 'You’re dating whoever.' (It was) Jessica Simpson last year, you know? So it’s just the position I guess in some ways. And you just learn that and shake your head every once in a while and you move on." Hmm. Hey, you know what words didn't appear anywhere in that statement? "It didn’t happen." Tonyromobritneylapdancegate continues!

(Photo: AP)

Was Seymour poisoned?

There must be something in the water on "Dancing With the Stars" -- or at least in the backstage gift basket. First Marie Osmond faints; now Jane Seymour misses Tuesday night’s results show with food poisoning. According to KABC-TV, Seymour had to be taken to the hospital to be checked out. A call to her publicist wasn’t immediately returned. She also missed part of this season earlier this month after her elderly mother passed away.

(Photo: Matthew Brady -- er, Associated Press)

Heather Mills is sad

Heather Mills was not a happy Beatlebabe. "I've had 18 months of absolute abuse," Paul McCartney's ex told GMTV in a lengthy, revealing interview on Wednesday. "They've called me a whore, a gold-digger, a fantasist, a liar, the most unbelievably hurtful things," she said, according to Reuters. While we pause for a moment to let her use of the word "fantasist" seep in, here’s more: "I've stayed quiet for my daughter. We've had death threats, I've been close to suicide. … I've had worse threats than a pedophile or a murder and I’ve done nothing but charity for 20 years." Yes, but what about the money from the divorce settlement, Heather? "I have been offered nothing, okay?" she said. "These figures are made up. 100 million (pounds), 50 million, 20 million. … How do you know if I even want any money? I’m one and a half million in debt in lawyers' fees." Okay, geez, Heather, we get the point: Your life sucks. Sorry we brought it up.

(Photo: Associated Press)

Prison for 'Prison Break' star

A judge sentenced Prison Break actor Lane Garrison to 40 months in state prison Wednesday for the vehicular manslaughter death of Vahagn Setian, 17. TMZ reports an emotional Garrison told the victims’ families he was sickened by his behavior that night, and was quiet after the sentence was handed down. Garrison will get credit for the 91 days he has already served, and with good behavior, could be released in about 20 months.

Happy Halloween ...

... from Tim Curry.

Thanks, Door From Hell.

'Dancing with the Stars' shocker!

What?!? Sabrina Bryan gets the boot from Dancing with the Stars? How the heck did that happen? Apparently her Cheetah Girl Disney fan base had to go to bed before they could vote. Or maybe nobody knows who she is. Maybe she was just too perky and annoying. Whatev.

But she could dance. She even got the first perfect score of the season. Maybe that's part of the problem: She was so good that everybody assumed she was safe and didn't bother to vote. But c'mon, Marie Osmond? Is she really going to make it to the finals? No! And she wasn't even in the bottom two! That was cutie soap star Cameron Mathison.

What do you think? Did the right person go?

[Photo: With 'Dancing' partner Mark Ballas. Getty Images]

Britney Spears main course: No kids for you!

Well, Britney Spears did not regain custody of her children. TMZ reports that L.A. County Court commissioner Scott Gordon has given Spears two visits per week, from noon to 7 p.m. and one overnight visit, all of which will be monitored.

The site and wire services had been reporting all day that the court-appointed monitor had given extensive testimony about Spears on Friday, the same day Spears had requested the court either "terminate or modify" her twice-a-week drug-testing (gee, we wonder why).

The parenting coach said that "during all three of (her) visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play," shoring up Gordon's conclusion that "the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all" when the kiddies were there. Well, anyone with a Web browser knows that.

The coach also wrote: "The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has (on) her children, nothing is going to be successful."

She and Kevin Federline must now figure out holiday schedules -- after Brit child-proofs her pool, natch.

Backstreet's back, all right?

Backstreet Boys Brian Littrell, A.J. McClean, Nick Carter and Howie Dorough try their hardest to look like a gang of comeback kids for MTV’s TRL in Times Square on Tuesday. We think A.J. especially looks tired of the whole shebang, and can’t wait to get back to the green room to stuff his face with donuts and take a nap.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Elvis tops highest-grossing zombies list

The King may be dead, but that doesn’t mean he can’t make any money. Elvis Presley reclaimed the top spot in Forbes.com’s annual list of Top-Earning Dead Celebrities by raking in about $49-million in the last 12 months. John Lennon is second with $44-million, followed by Charles M. Schulz ($35-million), George Harrison ($22-million), Albert Einstein ($18-million), Andy Warhol ($15-million), Theodor Geisel (a.k.a. Dr. Seuss) ($13-million), Tupac Shakur ($9-million), Marilyn Monroe ($7-million), Steve McQueen ($6-million), James Brown ($5-million), Bob Marley ($4-million) and James Dean ($3.5-million). Elvis, meanwhile, made more from ticket sales to Graceland than The Juice* will likely make in the next 25 years ...

Lindsay Lohan just says no to drunken frivolity

Remember that New Year’s Eve party that Lindsay Lohan was booked for at LAX in Las Vegas? Don’t buy your tickets just yet. Us reports the rehab princess is out.

“Lindsay will no longer be hosting New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas,” her rep told the mag. She was “contractually obligated” to do a show after cancelling her July birthday party at Pure because she was in rehab, and now it seems she may return to host an event eventually.

But for now, she “continues to focus on her work and sobriety” her people said. Can it be, The Juice* is proud of LiLo?

[Photo: AP/Maxim]

Bits and pieces not worth a whole item

• A court in Nassau, Bahamas, has finally selected a jury to hear an inquest to determine the cause of death for Anna Nicole Smith’s son, Daniel, the AP reports (it won't start until Nov. 19 because of Tropical Storm Noel). They also hope to determine that yes, the young man is still dead and hasn’t come back as a zombie.

• Coolio will be back on the airwaves next year in his new reality show, Coolio & the Gang, which will follow the rapper as he raises six teens by himself, Reuters says. We’d come up with a punchline, but we’ll simply report it’s slated to air on Oxygen.

• No charges will be filed in the fight between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee at the MTV Video Music Awards, the AP says. Attorneys involved in the case had decided that just being Kid Rock and Tommy Lee was punishment enough.

• Nicole Richie is hopping mad at the New York Post’s Cindy Adams, who reported Richie was spotted smoking a couple times in the Big Apple. The problem? Richie tells TMZ she hasn’t been in NYC for three months.

• Pierce Brosnan is being investigated for allegedly fighting with a photographer last week, wire services say. He must have taken exception to being called the “old” James Bond.

Rumer Willis says stuff about being famous

Rumer Willis is an enigma to The Juice* — she’s got a great pedigree by having two good-lookin’ parents, but doesn’t seem to be able to act or do anything else but get goofy photos of herself printed in gossip mags (which is made worse by the fact that she may have gotten the thin bowl of the Demi Moore/Bruce Willis genetic stew).

But fame isn’t fair, she tells People: “Before I started working, I would have said, ‘You know, it’s not really fair, because I didn’t choose this.’ But when you decide to be a part of this profession and put yourself out there, then you kind of have to accept what it is.”

What it is, is her capitalizing on her famous family background, but to her, “It’s a 24-hour job,” she says. “It doesn’t matter if you are going out to a restaurant – you have to be aware of what you are doing and how you look and how you are presenting yourself, because most of the time people never get to know you.” Coasting on a birthright is such hard work!

[Photo: Getty Images]

Jordin Sparks says it's tough being a virgin

Life is tough for a 17-year-old virgin, American Idol Jordin Sparks tells Us.

“Temptation is always there,” she told the mag. “It’s hard everyday, but I made a promise to myself.” Such a promise, in fact, that she wears a platinum promise ring, which her parents gave her when she was 13.

But with her new album coming out Nov. 20, it will likely get tougher for Sparks to fend off potential suitors.

So what’s she looking for? “They have to make me laugh because I love to laugh,” she said. “They have to have nice teeth. They could be athletic and sing ... and play an instrument.” As long as your expectations are reasonable, Jordin ...

[Photo: Getty Images]

A Britney Spears gossip appetizer

We've waited much too long to provide you an easy Britney Spears category to reference (we'll do some back-catalogging later on), but let's start with this:

As if the upcoming ruling on her custody case wasn’t enough drama (even after she requested Friday that the court either “terminate or modify” her twice-a-week drug testing), Britney Spears has the Catholic church all hot and bothered by filling the liner notes of her new album, blackout, with some racy pics of herself in a confessional with a priest.

“This is all the puzzle pieces coming together. This girl is crashing,” Bill Donohue, president of the New York-based Catholic League, told the New York Daily News. “She’s not even allowed to bring up her own kids because she’s not responsible enough. Now we see she can’t even entertain.”

What she can do, however, is go out all night at Winston’s in L.A., as gossip sites are reporting she did on Monday. Hey, she had to do something with those fishnets and corsets.

Somehow we’d be more impressed if Madonna hadn’t already made out with Jesus and burned crosses in the video for 1989’s Like A Prayer.

[Photo: Getty Images]

No one said cheerleaders were the smartest

If you know the team is coming out of the locker room, a word of advice: Get out of the way.

Odds and ends from a slow Monday afternoon

• The Supreme Court refused to hear a dispute between Elizabeth Taylor and the descendants of a Jewish woman who fled Nazi germany over a Vincent Van Gogh painting called View of the Asylum because there was no evidence of Nazi involvement, the AP says. Taylor, on the other hand, has gotten so strange over the last few years that she probably thinks she is Vincent Van Gogh.

• Everwood creator Greg Berlanti has agreed to co-write and direct Green Lantern, the latest DC Comics superhero getting the big-screen treatment, the Hollywood Reporter writes. Apparently green really is the source of power for Hollywood execs.

• The AP reports actor Robert Culp can go ahead and sue the Los Angeles Zoo for allegedly mistreating elephants, a judge has ruled. He must have gotten the zoo confused with the staff at Elizabeth Taylor’s house.

Nicole Richie is a smokin' mom -- literally

Speaking of taking motherhood very seriously, the New York Post’s Cindy Adams says Nicole Richie (who has found quite the career as a mommy in waiting) was spotted smoking while waiting outside NYC eatery DaSilvano, and again after leaving Nobu.

The kid-to-be is already playing the genetic lottery with Richie as its mother. We think Cindy herself was on the sauce when she wrote the following sentence: “She’s there with the baby in the bun’s father.” Syntax and word choice are harsh mistresses.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Britney gives Tony Romo a lap dance at club

Britney Spears spent Friday night forgetting about her messy custody hearing (a ruling is due Tuesday) — she spent the night giving Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo a lap dance, Us says.

The spy for this intel was Ryan Seacrest, who as at Les Deux nightclub that night and bumped into the singer.

“I spoke to her for a minute. She seemed to be in a very, very good mood,” he said on his radio show Monday morning. “She had her sunglasses on. I said, ‘Busy day, huh?’ She kind of smiled and laughed and said, ‘Yeah.’ And then I believe I saw her and Tony Romo frolicking.” When a co-host asked if she was lap dancing, he replied: “I mean, some would say.”

Spears and Romo reportedly met right after the hearing on Friday at L.A. restaurant Ketchup and must have agreed to meet up later, if for no other reason than Spears needed somewhere to lounge around until 1 a.m. so the court could see she was taking motherhood very seriously.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Another O.J. cohort cops a plea deal

A third member of O.J. Simpson’s posse has turned against him, accepting a plea deal to testify against the ex-footballer, the AP reports. Michael McClinton agreed to plead guilty to reduced charges of robbery and conspiracy to commit robbery in exchange for probation or up to 11 years in prison.

He is slated to testify that he pulled a gun in that Las Vegas hotel room when Simpson and others confronted two sports memorabilia dealers, contradicting O.J.’s account that there were no guns involved. At this point, the only one likely to believe O.J. Simpson didn’t go crazy and threaten to kill Bruce Fromong and Alfred Beardsley is O.J. himself.

A rare Juice* sports moment

This weekend's biggest sports moment wasn't the World Series, but rather this astonishing, game-ending play between Trinity and Millsaps, two Division III football teams.

Kate Moss' nanny sick of moving, quits job

While you were back at work Monday trudging through your job, the Daily Mail was reporting that Kate Moss' nanny was fed up and had quit.

It seems Jade Davidson, while very committed to Kate’s 5-year-old daughter Lila Grace, is sick and tired of the model’s lifestyle and decided to call it quits after two years.

Moss hasn’t lived in her $6-million London home since splitting from drug-addled singer Pete Doherty and has taken to living with her friend, Davinia Taylor. On weekends she lives with clothes-designer pal Sadie Frost, who happens to be Jade’s older sister.

All that wanderlust has taken a toll on Davidson, who refused a raise to keep doing her $1,000-a-week nanny thing.

“With Kate life is spontaneous,” a source says. “One afternoon they are going to Paris, the next week it’s America. Life is totally unpredictable. Kate isn’t happy Jade is leaving but there’s not a lot she can do.” Well, she can try taking three days off and spending time with her own daughter.

[Photo: Getty Images]

It's Music Monday!: Bloc Party's 'Flux'

It's almost Halloween, so let's kick off the week with this video, which shows men in rubber suits aren't just for Octobers and Godzilla movies.

Oprah Winfrey apologizes to school's parents

Oprah Winfrey wept openly and begged forgiveness from the parents of students at her South African girls’ school at an emergency meeting Sunday at the facility south of Johannesburg, Us reports.

“I’ve disappointed you. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” Winfrey sobbed at the $40-million school in Henley-on-Klip.

Winfrey had flown to the school twice over 10 days in the last couple of weeks after allegations surfaced that a matron at the school fondled at least one girl and grabbed another by the throat, throwing her against the wall. One student had supposedly run away because of the abuse, which was reported by several of the girls at the school.

Winfrey handed out her phone number and e-mail and mailing addresses to parents, saying she could be reached at any time, but while the school’s principal and the matron in question had been put on leave two weeks ago, charges depend on the outcome of investigations into the charges.

[Photo: Winfrey opening the school in January. Getty Images]

Britney and K-Fed in courtroom showdown

While we're waiting to see how Britney Spears' custody hearing turns out (4:30 p.m. EDT -- check back for updates), we can report that Kevin Federline is pretty crafty in trying to get what he wants.

TMZ says K-Fed's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, asked Court Commissioner Scott Gordon to have Spears' deposition to the court videotaped, because her mumbly, air-headed banter is important to ascertaining her personality.

We can buy that, but Brit's lawyer, Thomas Dunlap, countered that making a tape of that would hurt his client. Since there's been so many leaks to the media, Dunlap was afraid a tape of Britney would somehow find its way to the public (much like this report on the hearing).

The site says Gordon ruled in favor of Spears, so no tape of her snapping gum and playing with her hair while a judge asks her why she skipped out on coaching classes. But on to the main event ...

UPDATE: Here the AP's take on what happened:

LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears arrived in court giggling on Friday but was later heard swearing during a break in a closed hearing that ended with no decision on her bid for shared custody of her two young sons with Kevin Federline. The court was expected to issue a written ruling by Tuesday after extensive testimony was presented on a number of issues, lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan said.

Spears did not comment after the hearing. Earlier, she uttered an epithet when a reporter asked how the proceedings were going. (TMZ says she shouted "Eat it, lick it, snort it, f--- it!" when some hapless gossip miner asked her how she was doing.)

Attorney Sorrell Trope, who represents Spears, said "something has changed, but I can't say what." He said Spears was pleased, but he declined further comment.

Each parent will have a day with the boys this weekend, Kaplan said during a short news conference.

The three-hour hearing was held before Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon, who previously said there was evidence that Spears is a "habitual, frequent and continuous" user of drugs and alcohol.

He had withdrawn approval for her to even visit the children after finding she had failed to comply with some conditions for shared custody.

He later withdrew the ban and allowed her to visit Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1 — but only in the presence of a court-approved monitor.

Spears arrived at the courthouse eating cheese puffs in her white Mercedes-Benz convertible. She giggled when asked by reporters outside the courtroom if she was nervous.

Nervous? Why should she be nervous? It's not like her mom, Lynne Spears, is getting ready to publish a memoir of Brit Brit growing up called Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, to be released on May 11, which is Mother's Day. Oh wait ... 

[Photo: AP]

Courtroom hi-jinks from Entertainment land

• Orlando Bloom was let off the hook by the law on Friday when the Los Angeles District Attorney’s office said there was “insufficient evidence” of alcohol or drug use in his Oct. 12 accident, which injured his two passengers, the AP says. He probably just saw an In-N-Out Burger nearby.

• A federal judge ordered rapper T.I. released on $3 million bond Friday, but he must remain in home confinement while he awaits trial on weapons charges, the AP reports. If he just stayed at home in the first place, he wouldn’t be having these problems.

• Pete Doherty, whom we normally shun, was fined $800 for driving without insurance and $154 for not having a valid inspection certificate for his car and was given a four-month sentence, suspended for two years, Reuters says. That should tide him over until his next court-ordered stint in a drug treatment program.

Francis Ford Coppola calls the kettles black

Francis Ford Coppola, in a fit of ’70s-era icon-bashing, told GQ that Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Jack Nicholson are getting lazier and more complacent the older they get.

“They were young and insecure (in the old days),” he said. “I don’t know what any of them want anymore... I don’t feel that kind of passion ... coming from those guys, because if it was there, they would do it.”

Wow. You know where their passion went? Into the gilded safety deposit box that holds the trillions of dollars they’ve made since doing all those intense dramas 30 years ago. These days they’re all too busy swimming in piles of money a la Scrooge McDuck to care.

And gee, Mr. Coppola, was that you serving as executive producer for Jeepers Creepers II?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Viral video time: Charice Pempengco

BWE is the latest to share this clip making the rounds across the InterWebs. It shows the pinnacle of gloablization: 14-year-old Charice Pempengco of the Phillipinnes singing American song And I'm Telling You (that Jennifer Hudson song) on Star King, a South Korean talent show.

Sure, she changed the words to "you're the best mom I've ever known" -- implying that she has, in fact, known several other moms, which makes us kind of sad in a way -- but that's just so you can sit in your cubicle during lunchtime and enjoy those awesome pipes with being too creeped out. But then, seeing a voice like this come out of a girl like that is definitely a shocker.

Leonardo DiCaprio told Russell Crowe a lot

Before Leonardo DiCaprio was known for hooking up with the likes of Gisele Bundchen and Bar Refaeli, he was a gangly teen-ager like the rest of us.

Russell Crowe again spills the beans in that Entertainment Weekly interview (man, what a hot story!) by saying, "You know, I worked with Leonardo when he was 17 on (1995's) The Quick and the Dead. He was a virgin, and he'd talk about that constantly. So I'm hoping we have some time so he can fill in what's happened in between, maybe show some photos, because I'm sure life's different now."

So what have we learned? Russell Crowe would likely be a hoot to take a bar crawl with.

[Photo: With 'The 11th Hour' directors Leila Conners Petersen (L) and Nadia Conners (R). Getty Images]

Owen Wilson gives first interview

Owen Wilson has granted his first post-suicide attempt interview ... to his director pal Wes Anderson.

USA Today says the interview will be posted Friday at mdnight as part of the social networking site's Artist on Artist series. (Click here for the AoA page.)

We'll update this post over the weekend with any interesting bits Owen had to say.

UPDATE: It was all shop talk, which is pretty dull for us regular folks. Snore. Here's the interview, courtesy of MySpace TV, in which the most interesting thing we learn is that face-to-face interviews are not necssarily face-to-face anymore:

Artist on Artist: Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson

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[Photo: Getty Images]

Russell Crowe spits on Denzel Washington

Russell Crowe tells Entertainment Weekly a great story about meeting Denzel Washington for the first time while trying out for the part of the computerized killer in 1995's Virtuosity:

"We had to do a scene where there's a piece of cyclone wire fencing between us," says Crowe. "I had to be really rabid and weird, and … a bit of spit comes out of my mouth … and it weaves itself neatly through the fencing and lands right on Denzel's lip. … And I'm going, Oh man … I'm doing my audition, and I spit on Denzel Washington. I might as well just go home and hang myself right now. … He just kept on doing the scene, and at the end, they said ‘cut,' and he's looking at me and the spit's still sitting there and he goes, ‘I love the taste of warm saliva in the morning.' "

And five years later, Crowe wins an Oscar, folks.

[Photo: Washington with wife Pauletta Pearson and Crowe with wife Danielle Spencer. Getty Images]

Madame Tussauds unveils Biggie wax figure

Every so often Madame Tussauds introduces a new wax figure to the collection, featuring folks like the Beckhams, Christina Aguilera and even Lindsay Lohan in an old-fashioned jailbird outfit.

But what we can't figure out is why it took them 10 years to finally make a likeness of the Notorious B.I.G. The Biggie figure was unveiled Thursday in Times Square, with Christopher Wallace's mom Voletta Wallace there to mark the occasion.

As part of his dapper getup, Biggie's figure sports a gold and wood cane, which we assume he would have had to use if he survived the drive-by shooting that killed him in 1997.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Chew on this, Scarlett Johansson fans

Ryan Reynolds — who was engaged to singer Alanis Morissette until last February — got quite the gift from new fling Scarlett Johansson: one of her teeth.

E! Online says at his birthday party on Tuesday (an early fete hosted by ScarJo), the actress presented him with one of her choppers. “She’d just had her wisdom teeth removed, so she had one dipped in gold and strung on a necklace for him,” a source tells the site. Scarlett has quite the biting sense of humor, don’t you think?

[Photo: Getty Images]

A sound-filled Halloween light show

Go check out the promotional stuff if you want, but the light show is just what you need to keep your Halloween countdown going.

Cate Blanchett selling expensive skin products

Cate Blanchett, who is used to people talking about her face, has just signed on to endorse Procter & Gamble’s line of SK-II skin care products in the U.S.

Blanchett, who has already shilled the brand in Australia, has used the brand for seven years to combat a career where she’s often covered in pancake makeup and crazy outfits (think Elizabeth). Part of her secret is weaing a white cotton, full-face moisturizing mask every day, the AP says.

“(My kids) see it and just roll their eyes,” she says. “They’ll wake up in the morning, and I’m making their sandwiches for school and I’ve got the mask on.” When your beauty care products cost anywhere from $60 and $300 and are available mostly in Asia, the children should really learn not to roll their eyes.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Finally, some decent Britney Spears stuff

Good news for Britney Spears today, as the AP reports that she won’t have to deal with a criminal hit-and-run trial after she paid for damages in her Aug. 6 fender-bender. She does still face a charge of driving without a license (the hearing is scheduled for Nov. 26), but these days she’ll likely take what she can get.

Also good is TMZ’s report that Wednesday’s co-parenting meeting with Kevin Federline went “amazingly well.” The site says K-Fed and the Brat met with counselor Al Gibbs for two hours at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

We’d think a parenting session would be better if were spent somewhere that didn’t cost $1,000 a night, but whatever. It’s a whole lot better than most gossip bloggers’ insinuations that Brit Brit is taking the narcolepsy drug Provigil as a quick dieting aid.

David Copperfield may have tried to buy silence

David Copperfield offered a Seattle woman $2-million in cash if she’d drop charges that he’d raped her, the National Enquirer says.

A friend of the woman tells the tabloid that Copperfield invited the alleged victim to a “lavish party” at his place in the Bahamas, but when she arrived back on July 27, she was the only one there.

“She got nervous and wanted to go home right away, but David convinced her to stay, saying she could leave the next day if she really wanted to,” the friend says. Copperfield allegedly attacked her that night, holding her down and bruising her arms, the source said.

“She told me she fought back,” the friend says. “But she said that just seemed to turn him on more.” The tabloid reports that the woman took photos of the scene and refused to clean herself off in order to preserve evidence. She then apparently flew all the way back to Seattle before going to Harborview Medical Center for “rape kit” testing.

The $2-million is especially interesting because a Las Vegas TV station reported that feds had taken that amount from a warehouse, a claim later refuted by the FBI. As for Copperfield, he’s not talking: “We are respecting the process of the investigation and the confidentiality that surrounds it,” he told the New York Daily News.

[Photo: Getty Images]

A Halloween-y trailer: 'I Am Legend'

Boy howdy, let's take a break from the J-bashing on the comment board to watch this trailer for I Am Legend, starring Will Smith. We've been stoked ever since we heard they were remaking Richard Matheson's yarn, which got the treatment way back in 1971 as The Omega Man, starring Charlton Heston.

I Am Legend

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Gary Collins is arrested for DUI

Here's a new name for The Juice*: TV host and actor Gary Collins -- yes, that guy from infomercials, Hour Magazine and the New Hollywood Squares -- was arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence after an accident, the AP says.

As first reported by TMZ, the 69-year-old was booked after a Tuesday crash in L.A. that police blamed on an 89-year-old driving another car. "He (Collins) was not at fault in the accident," LAPD Officer April Harding said. "The other motorist failed to yield to oncoming traffic and collided with Collins' vehicle."

Collins' 2004 Ford Explorer then hit two parked cars. Cops gave him a field sobriety test, which he failed, leading to the arrest. Collins was released on a $40,000 bond. It's a good thing he's been Winning in the Cash Flow Business for so long now.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Anna Nicole tape worse than we thought

There's just too much filth going on with Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern. Remember that tape of Anna Nicole apparently high as a kite and painted like a clown? You haven't seen the half of it. No, really. We don't even want to write about this, so let Geraldo spell it out. The worst? The 9-year-old pleading with Stern to put down the camera and help her out.

More notes from all over

• The Dave Matthews Band will play two shows Nov. 14 and 15 for Army football after the U.S. Military Academy beat out about 100 other colleges in the World’s Loudest Pep Rally contest, the AP reports. Having all the heaviest artillery will help with that.

• Sean “Diddy” Combs has signed a deal to develop the Ciroc vodka brand for a 50-50 share in the profits, the AP says. He needed something to replace his infatuation with Courvoisier and Cristal.

• Fresh from rehab, Lindsay Lohan is slated to host a New Year’s Eve bash at Las Vegas nightclub LAX, Us reports, but only because she is contractually obligated. The money she took for that 21st birthday party at Pure (owned by the same group) that never happened must have gone to Cirque Lodge.

[Photo: Getty Images]

New charges filed against O.J. and his gang

As if O.J. Simpson didn’t have enough problems, prosecutors have filed new charges of felony coercion against him and three co-defendants, the AP reports.

That brings the number of charges against him, Clarence Stewart, Michael McClinton and Charles Ehrlich to a total of 12. A revised complaint dropped charges against Walter Alexander and Charles Cashmore, who pleaded guilty to reduced charges in a plea deal to testify against their alleged cohorts in a hearing starting Nov. 8.

The complaint alleges Simpson and Stewart conspired to persuade others to tell authorities that no guns were used in the Sept. 13 confrontation with memorabilia dealers Bruce Fromong and Alfred Beardsley at a room at the Palace Station casino hotel.

Now add in felonies including kidnapping, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy and coercion and one gross misdemeanor, conspiracy to commit a crime, and O.J. is likely to go away for a long time. Kidnapping alone carries a max sentence of life with parole. The coercion charge? As many as six years.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Quake in fear at 'Repo: The Genetic Opera'

Here it is, the trailer for this awful movie, starring an awful celebutante we try our hardest to never mention by name (that's her in the dark wig, singing and leaning into the dumpster). Normally The Juice* would ignore this garbage, but oh, what garbage it is (and yes, that's Paul Sorvino)...

Elvis fan's giant collection goes up in flames

Give a moment of silence for your beloved King, Elvis Presley fans. Before fleeing the raging wildfires in Malibu, Elvis collector Lilly Lawrence had precious little time to return to her 10,500-square-foot home to save what she could. So what did she grab? Presley’s old Army uniform. The rest is ashes.

“Gone are 32 or 33 original movie scripts of Elvis’,’ she told the New York Daily News. “They were his personal scripts, with all his notes in the margins.” Also gone: “All the music for Heartbreak Hotel and American Trilogy, my favorite. Untold things from Graceland. It’s just devastating.”

Lawrence had purchased about 50 lots from Priscilla and Lisa Marie Presley when they had put Elvis’ stuff on auction, the paper says, including two of his cars. One of the victims of the fire was Presley’s red Ford Fairlane, which is sure to make our pals at Rides upset.

But despite blowing untold dollars on the collection, Lawrence had an admirable view on the loss.

“My possessions do not possess me,” she said. “I’m more concerned about the boys in Iraq than my possessions.”

[Photo: Elvis in an Army uni in 1959, surrounded by German fans. Whether it's the exact same uni, we don't know, so please don't write in. Getty Images]

Heidi Klum and Seal singing, getting saucy

While Heidi Klum will be a part of this year’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, she may be doing more than modeling.

Us magazine says she and hubby Seal may sing Wedding Day together at the show, which will be broadcast on CBS. The song is their duet from his upcoming album. Of course, Seal’s rep can’t confirm details, so that means it probably, definitely maybe will happen.

In the meantime, we can marvel over how these two lovebirds fell head over heels.

“I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City and he came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow,” Klum tells Oprah Winfrey on Thursday’s show. It seems Seal was wearing those tight bicyle shorts so few of us can make flattering, “and I pretty much saw everything,” says Klum. “The whole package.”

Make that a lesson, girls: If you’re impressed by his junk — and he’s a singer — go ahead and get married.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Britney's monitor says ol' girl is haughty

We gave you a day off from Britney Spears, shunning reports of her friends organizing a boycott against Blackout (which is getting decent reviews, btw). But now we bring you word from Us that Brit’s court-appointed monitor turned in her first report on Monday, and it don’t look good.

“Britney’s often distracted and in her own world when she has the kids and has a hard time focusing,” a source says. “She is adamant that she doesn’t have to listen to anybody — that it’s her way or the highway.”

Apparently that “anybody” includes the monitor, who now wants meetings to take place at her office. “She doesn’t want all the distractions, whether it’s the paparazzi or whatever else is going on.” This parenting coach does know who she’s working with, right? It’s the same Britney being accused of not paying her VMA Gimme More backup dancers, of course!

It's a week 'til Halloween!

So enjoy an appropriately dark and stormy day with this stop-motion madness.

Thanks, Dr. Henry Killinger.

Bits and pieces from all over the place

• Director Peter Jackson has canned Ryan Gosling from The Lovely Bones for being a diva and hired Mark Wahlberg to replace him, the New York Post says. Opposite Wahlberg will be a cast of 2,000 CGI extras.

• When Elisabeth Hasselbeck takes off from The View on Nov. 8 for maternity leave, brainiac Jessica Simpson will temporarily take her place. We give it about 30 minutes before Jess says something dumb enough to be ridiculed by Whoopi Goldberg.

• Gossip mags are atwitter with pics of Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon chumming around in public in Rome. They have to lend each other support since Rendition wilted so badly at the box office.

Bob Dylan drives an Escalade for money

If you’ve been cruising around the You Tube lately, you’ve no doubt seen Bob Dylan’s latest instance of selling out. The singer has done several spots showing him cruising in a Cadillac Escalade and listening to XM Satellite Radio — which carries a show by Dylan, no less.

According to Jalopnik.com, the three Modernista!-made videos include two-minute, one-minute and 30-second spots of Bobby driving around in the desert, trying to look cool and make us forget he’s the same guy who did that weird Victoria’s Secret ad a couple years ago. Or is it that he’s trying to remind us?

Either way, he’s so sold-out that cowboy hat has a “For Rent” sign on it. Disagree? Watch the 60-second ad above and tell us what you think.

Marie Osmond has pretty bad allergies

Marie Osmond says her fainting spell on Monday night’s Dancing With the Stars may have been caused by something in the air.

“I feel bad that it happened,” the 48-year-old told Entertainment Tonight in a Tuesday interview. “Right at the beginning ... I started getting lightheaded. The only thing I can think of, I have allergies. ... The air quality (in Los Angeles) is terrible. And I think I just couldn’t get my breath.”

Osmond had just finished performing a samba with partner Jonathan Roberts when her eyes rolled back in her head and she dropped to the floor, prompting the show to cut to commercial. When the show came back she explained it by saying “once in a while that happens to me when I get winded. I stop breathing.”

We think it may be a case of wanting to get a little more exposure on the show, but what do we k