Heath's docs, Wino walk; Remy's still busted

• Two doctors being investigated by the DEA for prescribing drugs to Heath Ledger had been cleared of wrongdoing, the New York Post reports. The DEA’s insurance company finally approved those deductibles, apparently.

• Amy Winehouse was cleared of witness tampering charges in the case involving her imprisoned husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, PageSix.com reports. Her defense was probably that she was too high to have done anything so complex.

• Jury selection will begin next week in Remy Ma’s trial for allegedly shooting an acquaintance in the abdomen over $2,000 that had gone missing from her purse, the AP says. We’d hate to see what Remy would do if she couldn’t remember where she parked her car.

Did Hulk Hogan, Brooke's friend have affair?

One of the reasons Hulk Hogan and his wife Linda are getting divorced may be because he couldn’t help himself with one of his daughter Brooke’s friends, the National Enquirer is reporting.

“My relationship with Terry began at a time when Terry and Linda privately knew their marriage was ending,” Brooke’s pal Christiane Plante told the rag. “She had left him already, although no official papers had been filed.” We’re guessing that isn’t helping Christiane’s friendship with Brooke, either.

"Having felt the guilt and pain build up, I gave a note to Brooke apologizing for my actions,” the 33-year-old Plante said. “I will never be able to fully forgive myself for this. I have lost an amazing friend.” Something tells us Hallmark doesn’t make Sorry I Fooled Around With Your Dad cards.

The Enquirer says the ongoing affair was common knowledge on the set of Hogan Knows Best, but Linda, Brooke and son Nick had no idea. He even had been paying the bill for her Miami Beach apartment, she says.

MySpace spies may have noticed a post to Brooke’s blog a week ago in which she says, “I’m going through one of the hardest issues I’ve ever had to deal with in my life … please keep me and my family in your prayers.”

Perez Hilton was eagle-eyed enough to spot another post two days after that (since deleted) in which Brooke lamented “When your best friend and one of your closest family members that you have loved unconditionally since your first day on this earth, betray you together, you could MAYBE find it in yourself to forgive one day … but you will NEVER forget the hurt they caused you …”

The Juice* couldn’t forgive or forget, because that’s skeevy on a whole different level.

[Photo: Hulk and Brooke. Getty Images]

Orlando Bloom is smelly, Miranda Kerr says

Orlando Bloom’s girlfriend Miranda Kerr has raised a big stink about her beau’s stink, Star says.

“Miranda thinks Orlando is too smelly,” a friend of the couple says. “Recently, she asked him if he could wash his clothes and perhaps shower more often. … (Orlando) goes days without washing his clothes. He’ll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer. Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks.”

The same “friend” swears Bloom has tried to clean up his act, but apparently he had issues about knowing whether his relationship with the Victoria’s Secret model would last.

Gee, how about some common courtesy, Orlando? Just because you play a pirate doesn’t mean you ahve to live like one.

[Photo: How can Miranda expect people to take her seriously when she wears stuff like this? Getty Images]

Hugh Hefner wants Lindsay Lohan in 'Playboy'

With that New York photo shoot under her, um, belt, Lindsay Lohan is free to explore all sorts of Marilyn Monroe-related career moves (of which overdosing on drugs may or may not be an option). Next up: Playboy’s Hugh Hefner reportedly wants LiLo to take it all off to pose in his mag.

The inspiration would be Marilyn’s nude swimming scene in Something’s Got to Give, the New York Post says. Oh, something’s got to give, all right.

Mama Dina may not be too happy with Hef’s plan, though, since she said of the New York spread, “It was very tastefully done. I don’t look at them like it’s Playboy; she was being a character.” What a way to have both the worlds of being a celebrity rip-off and pornography collide!

Even more Filipino prison inmates dancing ...

It's no Thriller, but there's somethign poetic about prisoners dancing to U Can't Touch This.

Ozzy Osbourne can't remember New Zealand

Ozzy Osbourne is headed back to Wellington, New Zealand for the Rock2Wgtn festival during Easter, but that doesn’t mean the aging rocker has any real recollection of it -- and that’s not just because his last trip to Wellington was in 1973 with Black Sabbath. (For the record, the last time he visited the country was in 1998.)

“I used to enjoy being f---ing crazy,” he told The Dominion Post from L.A. “I ain’t no saint now. I’m still f---ing nuts.”

So nuts that he has to rely on the Kiwi caretaker of his mansion, whom he only identified as Howard, to jog his memory. “He said there’s some amazing sights to be seen. I saw parts of that hobbit thing and I thought, 'Where on earth was this place filmed?’” Ozzy said. “I can remember being there, but I can’t remember when.”

Of course, when you bite the heads off bats and support the economy of Colombia by yourself, you’re likely to forget most things.

[Photo: Getty Images]

will.i.am's new Obama video 'We Are One'

The Juice* doesn't mean to get political, but we have to point out will.i.am’s latest pro-Barack Obama video is loaded with familiar faces.

Jessica Alba, Ryan Philippe, John Leguizamo, Macy Gray, Tyrese, Regina King (recently the voices of Huey and Riley on The Boondocks), Friday Night Lights’ Adrienne Palicki, George Lopez, Alba’s Fantastic Four co-star Kerry Washington, Ugly Betty’s Eric Mabius and Everyone Hates Chris’ Tichina Arnold all are on the stump in We Are One.

The video is based on Obama’s line from his Super Tuesday speech, “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, we are the change that we seek.”

The Black Eyed Pea’s follow-up to Yes We Can (which featured Scarlett Johansson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Kate Walsh, John Legend and Common) shows Alba saying, “I would like to see a cleaner Earth, for my child, who I’m bringing into the world very soon.”

Philippe says something similar, imploring, “I think it’s time to change. I want a better future for my children.”

Awesome and all that, but we’re most surprised by the re-emergence of Malcolm Jamal Warner about a minute in.

'Iron Man' gives us hope for Robert Downey Jr.

There's a new trailer for Iron Man, and frankly, it looks CG-tastic. All the ladies, prepare to have to sit through this one, because it's all your man will want to see in theaters when it comes out on May 2.

Iron Man Exclusive Trailer

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Kate Hudson with Owen Wilson or Timberlake?

It’s good to read that Owen Wilson may be back in the saddle after his suicide attempt last August — Us says he might be back with Kate Hudson.

The mag says Owen as seen driving away from her home in Pacific Palisades last weekend, and even though he may have been helping her set up her cable or borrowing a cup of sugar, Us swears there’s more to the story.

“They are hooking up,” a source tells the glossy. “They have definitely been talking, hanging out and, yes, hooking up,” a second spy adds. That may still lend credence to our cable theory, though.

And try as Us might to convince readers Justin Timberlake may be a rival paramour for Owen (reps for everyone deny everything), we’ve got to think there’s no way JT would trade in Jessica Biel, especially since he’s been seen lurking around the engagement ring counter at Tiffany’s.

[Photo: Kate and Owen last May. Getty Images]

Miley Cyrus likes to drink ketchup. Gross, huh?

From the Dept. of Pointless Posts comes word that Miley Cyrus loves to drink ketchup. That’s all. She was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Wednesday night and proudly declared her love for that particular condiment.

“There’s nothing odd about — it’s just good!” the 15-year-old said. “It’s like half the calories — it’s a liquid technically!” And then she downed a shot of Heinz 57 at Jay’s request (see video above). Gag.

“It’s a fruit — so it’s healthy,” she insisted. Actually, it’s mostly high-fructose corn syrup and vinegar, making that habit all kinds of nasty. But hey, we bet it’s just the thing to go with mustard sandwiches and hot dog soup.

Britney Spears makes ridiculous demands

And what would a Thursday be without word from our favorite meltdown mistress, Britney Spears? The New York Daily News’ Gatecrasher says the, uh, pop star (?) hit up Melrose Ave. boutique Betsey Johnson with a bizarre request earlier this month.

She came to the counter with a Dolce & Gabbana dress and demanded they copy it in all white by that very evening so she could wear it out. A few things wrong here, to be sure, but “the staff explained that they didn’t have a dressmaker on call who could do it in time,” a witness said.

Amazing that they had to explain to her, but when you’re that rich you’ve likely got people on call in your house to make milkshakes for you at the drop of a hat. At least, it looks like Britney does that.

Anyway, “The only thing she wanted to buy in the store was the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window,” the source said. “The manager eventually agreed to offer it to her for $100.”

We think the manager missed a golden opportunity to either A) explain to Miss Brit she can’t have everything she wants, or B) charge her $1 million for a wig.

[Photo: Wow, this was like five years ago. Imagine how things would have turned out if Madge kissed Xtina first. Getty Images]

TomKat have dinner with the (Will) Smiths

Last week we told you about Brangelina dining with Clint Eastwood and Dina Ruiz, so this week we’re telling you pals Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a bite with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. Why? Just to make you feel a little sadder about your own ant-like insignificance, we suppose.

The quartet met at L.A.’s Cut, and that’s about it, though the Daily Mail does expound on how Will and Jada were all kissyface while TomKat were all, “I’ve got a headache” to each other. But what do you want? Suri’s a handful, and Tom has a couple youngins of his own.

The dinner also is not surprising because they just had lunch together at the Black Women In Hollywood Luncheon last week (as seen above) — so, yawn.

We will share that Katie’s publicist tells Us that “she’s not pregnant,” despite Ok!’s speculation otherwise. Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to make plans to head to Outback with Mrs. Juice*.

[Photo: Getty Images]

DEA investigates Heath Ledger's doctors

While Mary-Kate Olsen dodged investigation by the authorities after Heath Ledger’s death, TMZ says the doctors who prescribed the drugs found in his system aren’t so lucky.

The site says the DEA is looking into at least two docs involved in the situation. The agency apparently subpoenaed documents from the NYPD and the New York Medical Examiner’s office to find out where all those prescriptions came from — and whether they were even prescribed by doctors in the first place.

For the record, Heath “died as the result of acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam, and doxylamine,” according to the ME.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Mischa Barton DUI case still dragging along

After winning a continuance Thursday in Beverly Hills, Mischa Barton is hoping to strike a deal in her DUI case before the next hearing, PageSix.com reports.

Her lawyer, Anthony Salerno, tells the site that Mischa is taking the charges very seriously and was glad she wasn’t charged with a felony for holding 28.5 grams of Mary Jane when she was arrested in West Hollywood on Dec. 27 (it’s only a misdemeanor).

The site says the court will likely accept a deal for probation and alcohol awareness classes, but she’ll still have to get that whole no-drivers-license thing straightened out.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Too much time + coordination = Can Toss 2

The sequel to the original Can Toss.

Jessica Simpson busy packing for Kuwait

Have you been wondering what Jessica Simpson is up to? Neither have we, but so far it’s been a pretty slow day, so we’ll give you the latest on the blonde bomb.

A message on the site SweetKisses.net has a personal message from Jess reading: “Hey ya’ll. I just wanted to say hi, and let you know that I am hard at work on my country record, and I can’t wait to share it with all of you.” Great. Still working. Glad to see that.

But you know what else? “I am heading to Kuwait to do a show for the troops for Operation MySpace, then back in the studio.” Who says the U.S. doesn’t have any worthwhile exports? Actually, The Juice* thinks it’s a secret government plan to send her across the border to Iraq to force the insurgency to surrender.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Broadway King, Adam's mean, Mimi sings, Pam's fling

• Stephen King has written a script for a musical called Ghost Brothers of Darkland County with music by John Mellencamp, to open in Atlanta next year en route to Broadway, the AP reports. Casting calls are now open for evil clowns, acid-spewing spiders and demonic cars.

• Big Brother contestant Adam Jasinski, who called autistic children “retards” on the show, has been fired from his job at the United Autism Foundation, although he doesn’t know it yet, the New York Post reports. He’s too busy dealing with his mentally challenged housemates right now.

• 30 Rock’s Jack McBrayer found work during the writers strike by appearing in Mariah Carey’s latest video, Touch Me (preview available above). We’ll bet Kenneth never expected to one day be fetching coffee for Mimi.

• Late last week Pamela Anderson filed papers in L.A. seeking an annulment from her husband Rick Salomon rather than a divorce, the AP reports. Although no specifics were available, Anderson is using the basis of fraud, which should be an obvious choice for this sham of a marriage.

Britney Spears pregnant with Adnan's baby?

Did we mention Star has their own cover storky — uh, story — about a big name possibly being pregnant?

The rag says that only weeks after heading to Mexico to exchange worthless wedding vows with photographer Adnan Ghalib, the spotlight hog with the Brazilian chin wax has been telling folks Britney Spears is pregnant with his baby. That crashing sound is the world falling down around your ears.

The evidence, as they call it, is Britney’s ever-growing midsection bulge, despite days of classes at the Millenium Dance Complex in La-La Land.

“Britney is Adnan’s dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he’ll be made for life,” a friend adept at stating the obvious says.

But while the 35-year-old shutterbug is glad he’s opened an account at the First national bank of Britney, her fam is obviously nonplussed. “Her parents know she can’t handle more children,” another master of the apparent says.

You know, “is-she-or-isn’t-she?” stories like this are a dime a dozen, but for the sake of all that is good and just, we hope Star is dead wrong.

'Garfield' really is funnier without Garfield

Have you ever read the latest from Jim Davis and thought, 'Man this sucks'? Try the blog Garfield Minus Garfield, which shows just how deep into dementia Jon Arbuckle would sink without his famous fat cat keeping things going.

Thanks, Lamberto.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen peddle 'Influence'

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are releasing a book, and it’s not a cookbook, obvs. The 21-year-olds are publishing a coffee table book called Influence, People reports. That would be, a book featuring people who have influenced the Olsen twins.

Like Twiggy and Calista Flockhart? No, only “the most interesting, challenging, creative people we know — the ones who helped pave the way for us and our generation,” they say, like shoe guru Christian Louboutin, actress Lauren Hutton, photographer Terry Richardson and writer Bob Colacello.

“Ashley and I interviewed the people who have inspired us, with the hope that they will inspire and teach others,” Mary-Kate said. Maybe the book, due in the fall, will inspire and teach others to forgo eating and get $40 million for looking like diseased wood nymphs.

[Photo: Ashley and Mary-Kate with Jimmy Buffett for some reason. Getty Images]

Tyra Banks teaming up with Ashton Kutcher

The glossies may be concerned about Tyra Banks’ weight, but the model-turned-media-mogul is stretching herself pretty thin. 

The Hollywood Reporter says Tyra is teaming up with Ashton Kutcher to produce a new reality series for ABC. This is in addition to Juice* fave America’s Next Top Model on CW and an upcoming project for the network in which contestants fight over becoming assistant editors at a fashion magazine.

This latest — which has an eight-episode deal between ABC and Banks’ Bankable Prods., Kutcher and Jason Goldberg’s Katalyst and Warner Horizon — will feature folks competing in a beauty pageant. How is that reality TV? We used to call those “beauty pageants.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

Is Katie Holmes pregnant? Don't bet on it

If nothing else, Ok! knows how to sell magazines as evidenced by devoting most of their cover to a speculative story on whether Katie Holmes is pregnant.

The rumor-filled fires were stoked by Katie’s recent penchant for loose clothing at the Costume Designers Guild Awards and the Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards.

“She has that special glow that only pregnant women have,” an “eyewitness” tells the magazine. “I would say there is a strong possibility that she’s pregnant.”

There’s also a strong possibility that Natalie Portman might call us and ask us for capital for her microloan project, but that doesn’t mean it will happen.

But the unnamed sources continue: “To be honest, she’s giving up the pipe dream of wanting an Oscar for now. She wants to focus on being married and happy, and giving Suri a little brother or sister.” Yeah, we think that dream of wanting an Oscar would have to stay a dream anyway. Did you see Mad Money?

Brangelina having a girl, French housewarming

Leave it to the U.K.’s Sun to find out the latest on Brangelina’s forthcoming babe — and we say “babe” singular because a source tells the rag, “Angelina has been told she is expecting a girl. She’s thrilled.”

What’s more, the pair have decided to have the child in France to honor Angie’s French-Canadian mama Marcheline Bertrand. “Angelina is proud of her French roots and wants her latest addition to be born and raised there,” the mole says.

Brangelina have bought a chateau in the south of France and plan to make it their family home. That would be besides the multi-million-dollar homes in New York, New Orleans, Berlin, Candyland, Timbuktu and Beyond the Sun.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Man kisses Daniel Radcliffe at awards show

Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe got more than just a couple of awards at a ceremony in London on Sunday — he also was the recipient of lingering mouth molestation by a male fan.

The Daily Mail says the 18-year-old was accepting two theater wards for his turn in Equus (you know, the one that required him to be sans shirt and pantaloons) when host James Corden planted a wet one on Radcliffe.

And we’re not talking about just some peck on the cheek: the 29-year-old actor and writer slapped a death grip on Danny’s cheeks and went for tonsils. (See video above.)

In case you care, Radcliffe won two Whatsonstage.com Theatregoers’ Choice Awards for West End’s Newcomer of the Year, and also for naked publicity pics for the show, which earned Theatre Event of the Year.

He didn’t miss a beat after the liplock though, simply saying being in the play was “one of the greatest experiences of my life.” Is he sure he didn’t mean the kiss?

Things that may or may not be important

• Naomi Campbell was hospitalized in Sao Paulo, Brazil, for the removal of a small, unspecified abdominal cyst, the Reuters reports. Doctors reportedly got it out of there by throwing a cell phone at it.

• Justin Timberlake will do the honors of inducting Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on March 10 with a class that includes Leonard Cohen, John Mellencamp, the Dave Clark Five, the Ventures and Little Walter, the AP says. Madonna’s media empire and diva-quality wardrobe will be inducted separately.

• Even though he hasn’t yet accepted, Eric Clapton has been invited by North Korean officials to play a concert in the country, Reuters says. He’d best be careful when singing Before You Accuse Me in that place.

Jessica Sierra can complete California rehab

This was on our Breaking News blog yesterday, but I was off yesterday and I like to keep the RSS feeders happy. Plus, you people can't get enough of her:

Jessica Sierra’s name came up in court again Monday morning, except this time, it’s not the former American Idol contestant who is causing problems.

According to her attorney, John Fitzgibbons, she “couldn’t be doing any better” in her California drug and alcohol rehab program. But the state of California still is refusing to accept a transfer of Sierra’s probation. They want her to fly back to Tampa, where she has had multiple run-ins with police, and apply for the transfer before they will consider accepting it.

Fitzgibbons blamed bureaucrats for the delay and predicted Sierra, 22, is more likely to relapse if she returns home before completing the rehab program.

Hillsborough Circuit Judge Daniel Perry, it seems, agreed. He put Sierra on “mail-in status,” meaning her doctors will keep Florida authorities updated on her progress. When she is finished, she’ll return to Tampa and the judge will review her probation status at that point.

“I’m glad she’s in California,” her father Joseph Sierra said. “We don’t need her back here.” After last week’s episode of Celebrity Rehab, in which she admits she’ll likely get drunk and arrested upon her return to Tampa, our hearts are breaking.

[Photo: Sierra with Fitzgibbons and Dr. Drew Pinsky on Jan. 7. Getty Images]

Jewel thieves make sequel to 'The Italian Job'

The big show Sunday night apparently wasn’t the Oscars (we’ve been over that ratings thing already), but rather in a jewelry showroom in Milan.

The BBC reports that seven creative criminals broke into the basement of Damiani’s after digging a tunnel for weeks at a nearby construction site.

In a heist straight out of a Hollywood flick, the unmasked and unarmed thieves burst through a wall, tied up the staff and made off with whatever hadn’t been loaned to stars in L.A. (best supporting actress Tilda Swinton is rumored to have been wearing a Damiani’s bracelet).

While the most valuable stuff was hanging around necks and dangling from ears, police estimate millions of dollars’ worth of stuff went out the tunnel with the crooks. After that, who needs to win an Oscar pool?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Sharon Stone likes her feet in grouse, not rat

Leave it to PETA to stick their rat’s feet in their mouths. After The Juice* ran an item yesterday about Sharon Stone wearing a rat’s paw brooch to Elton John’s Oscar after-party, we’ve gotten word from several Scots pointing out the widespread cultural ignorance of modern society.

The brooch is actually a grouse foot (as in the bird) and is a traditional Scottish good luck charm. We're definitely not ornithologists, but in hindsight, the lack of five toes should have been a dead giveaway.

PETA sources were quoted all over the gossipsphere as saying, “Maybe Sharon, passed over by the Academy yet again, was jealous of Ratatouille’s Oscar win and thought a rodent paw might go with her haggard look. Her accessories these days are as dead as her career.”

PETA better watch what it’s saying (and really, who knows if they really said it, since attribution is lacking in reports from ContactMusic.com to the San Francisco Chronicle), or they could end up with an army of angry Scots from North Pinellas knocking on their doors. You can ask the English how much fun that can be.

[Photo: Getty Images]

It's Music Tuesday!: The One AM Radio

We were recovering from Oscar dementia yesterday, so we couldn't offer you a Music Monday selection, but today we try to keep you in the fight with The One AM Radio's 2007 cut In the Time We've Got. Keep on punching ...

Amy Winehouse launches, uh, 'fashion' line

We know the first thing we think of when we see Amy Winehouse vamping around in animal prints and ballet shoes is, “How can we achieve that look?” Well guess what? The U.K.’s Sun says Wino is launching her own brand of clothes and makeup.

“Amy’s style has been copied by girls around the country (meaning Britain) and there’s a lot of money to be made,” a source so proud of Ames that they couldn’t be named. “It’s a very distinctive look.” If by distinctive you mean disastrously cartoony.

The line will obviously include hairspray (likely 20-ounce cans for one-time use) and liquid eyeliner, which will probably come in gallon jugs.

“She has become a fashion icon despite not always looking too fresh,” a “fashion industry source” told the rag. We're so glad we don't have to resort to shooting heroin between our toes to get that iconic look.

[Photo: Wino and Mark Ronson at the Brit Awards. Getty Images]

Brittany Murphy loves sandwiches, hates crust

Brittany Murphy is having some sort of psychotic break in which she thinks she’s actually important. PageSix.com says the set of her next movie, Across the Hall, “comes to a grinding halt” because of her diva-esque tendencies when she comes to the set.

Apparently her husband, Simon Monjack, is an issue too, skulking around the set and demanding so much that producers are trying to figure out how to intervene.

But the strangest thing? Sources tell the site that Murphy must have “diagonally cut peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crusts removed” constantly. “She needs one every hour,” a crew member said. “It’s painstaking — her assistant takes about a half an hour making each one.”

Needing them every hour is one thing — PB&J is good eats — but what’s the deal with it taking some mouth-breathing drool machine 30 minutes to make a sandwich?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Jimmy Kimmel strikes back ... with Ben Affleck

Too bad most of you didn't watch the 80th running of Oscars (since it was the worst-rated ceremony in about 80 tries), because Jimmy Kimmel got his revenge against Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon right after the show. And yes, we're late with this, but we were still sleeping off that boredom hangover.

Oscar's walk of shame

Well, the Academy Awards may be over (and perhaps not a moment too soon; preliminary Nielsen ratings for Sunday’s ceremony were 14 percent lower than the least-watched ceremony ever — in 2003. But that only means it’s time for the real highlight of Oscar night — shameful, hungover, post-Oscars gossip:

• The most intriguing tidbit of the night comes from People, which reports Sean Penn (who has been separated from Robin Wright Penn for less than two months) popped up with model Petra Nemcova at the Elton John AIDS Foundation party. Nemcova told People that she and the actor “are friends,” and that Penn is an adviser to her charity, but the mag says they’ve been spotted together around town.

• Turns out we weren’t the only ones wondering why the late Brad Renfro didn’t merit a mention during the Oscars’ In Memoriam segment. Radar Online even asked why the Apt Pupil star got the shaft. “Unfortunately, we can’t fit everyone in,” a spokesperson told Radar, adding that Renfro died too late to make the cut. But wait ... didn’t Renfro die a week before Heath Ledger, who made the cut? Radar suspects the omission had more to do with the fact that Renfro died from a heroin overdose, as opposed to Ledger’s OD from prescription pills. “There’s no specific reason,” the spokesperson reiterated. “Unfortunately, he was edited out.” Also edited out, apparently: Charles Nelson Reilly, Joey Bishop and Marcel Marceau.

• What, exactly, was the deal with Gary Busey getting all Gary Busey with Ryan Seacrest and Jennifer Garner on the red carpet? Busey himself called Seacrest’s radio show Monday morning to explain. “I just wanted to pay you a compliment,” he said. “I didn’t know you were in the middle of an interview, and I was just moving through there.” What was that compliment, exactly? “You are to me, when you’re working, an innocent champion of honesty,” Busey told Seacrest. “Your heart has a way to embrace the truth in your delivery, without looking like you’re reading from a script.” Okay then. Moving right along.

• The most questionable faux paw of the 2008 Oscars (and that includes the horrible pun we just made) might have been Sharon Stone’s decision to wear a broach made from a rat’s paw to the Elton John party. PETA, of course, didn’t like the ratly accoutrement, stating: “Her accessories these days are as dead as her career.” Um ... snap? Here's a pic:

• Juno scribe Diablo Cody got all (insert hipster-gibberish word for “angry” here) over allegations that she was too cool for shoes — namely Stuart Weitzman’s million-dollar, diamond-encrusted heels. Cody (at right, with Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead director Edgar Wright) took to her MySpace blog to explain why she turned down the chance to wear diamonds on the straps of her shoes: “I must have somehow missed the part where my shoes cost a MILLION F------ DOLLARS and my 'choice’ of footwear would be publicized nationwide,” she typed. “I honestly thought they were just sparkly shoes. ... I’m not Nancy Rockman, Expert Gemologist.” To summarize: Diablo Cody doesn’t hate diamond shoes. You may now exhale.

• And finally, here’s the obligatory review of Jon Stewart’s performance as Oscar host, in seven words or less: “frisky,” (New Orleans Times-Picayune) “dependable,” (Boston Globe), “fair-to-middling,” (Washington Post) and “mostly winning” (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette). Confused? Don’t worry, these post-awards-show host reviews are all pointless anyway.

(Photos; Penn/Nemcova, AP; the rest, Getty Images)

The completely useless Juice* Oscar liveblog ...

The gang from Timesland is blogging the pros and cons of people winning or losing, but we here at The Juice* look at the Oscars as more than just a celebrity bloodsport. There's a huge chance someone's going to swear, lose their temper, say something dumb or pop out of their dress, and that's what we live for. So if you've got nowhere better to go, spend the evening with Technorati's 69,101st most popular blog on the Internet!

Keep refreshing ... we're updating at least three or four times tonight.

11:48: Denzel Washington seems pretty no-nonsense here, presenting No Country with Best Picture. The brothers didn't even bother leaving the stage. We cry shenanigans. But then, maybe we should keep that to ourselves, lest Anton Chigurh come after us. And with that, we bid you good night.

11:43: The Coen Brothers win best director(s) for No Country For Old Men, but there won't be any drama in this race for years, since presenter Martin Scorsese won. Ethan Coen does get props for having the shortest acceptance speech ever though, twice saying simply, "Thank you."

11:36: Daniel Day-Lewis drinks everyone milkshake by winning best actor. He says something about saplings sprouting out of heads and gets a lot longer to talk than everyone else.What are the chances we'll ever finish one of these by midnight?

11:27: Diablo Cody won, and that rocks. Hollywood loves an ex-stripper.

11:14: There's actually some class in the Oscars tonight. First Jon Stewart lets that best song co-winner come back onstage after not getting to say anything, and now they're letting soldiers present the award for best documentary short subject. We take back some of the things we said about Hollywood. Not really.

11:03: Aw, the dead people part always makes us sad. Plus, it reminds us Roy Scheider just died.

10:53: Zzzzzz ... snorgkx* Oh, a song won? Great, now we can get to the good stuff.

10:31: Wow, lots of songs and boring categories. Jonny sums it up when he says, "Someone took the lead in their Oscar pool, based on a guess." Come on, who really knows who the best editor was? That's like trying to pick out the best burger-maker at McDonalds, with most of the dreck that gets churned out.

10:14: We're moving fast and furious here. Leading actress already? It's not 11 p.m. yet. Ellen Page got a big swell from the audience there, but Marion Cotillard wins best in show here, too. Apaprently we're over that whole Marisa Tomei debacle. "It is true there is some angels in this city" will be a big quote on Oscar montages until the 160th anniversary of the Academy Awards.

10:08: It's straight hateful that last guy for sound mixing had his microphone turned off, but as a colleague points out, they're just lucky they didn't get shoved into that "in awards that happened earlier this week" section.

10:01: Stewart is keeping the show fresh by announcing Angelina Jolie has won Nicole Kidman's, Jessica Alba's and Cate Blanchett's babies. Of course, Angie couldn't be there because, as Jon says, "it's tough getting 17 babysitters on Oscar night." They are keeping that orchestra swell on high tonight, aren't they?

9:40: Moving right along, the best supporting actress is Tilda Swinton, who looks like she's wearing a garbage bag, or maybe a child's witch costume. We could make a crack about whether she should have won actress or actor, but that's tired. Besides, we think Tilda's movies are hot, and that's enough, right? Besides, she dispelled the k.d. lang lookalike stuff when she cheered George Clooney for rocking that old Batman suit so well.

9:33: Jerry Seinfeld is still doing the Bee Movie thing? It's a good thing they had a fairly funny vignette segment about bees in movies to back that up. We still didn't get to see any of those short animated films, though. Peter and the Wolf looks exactly like the kind of thing our friends' 4-year-old daughter should watch.

9:26: The musical stuff is fine and all, but we can't share much about that, so we'll now take a second to say:

Marion Cotillard wins best in show tonight. And the salute to binoculars and periscopes let's us know hope hasn't faded for the evening yet.

9:17: Oooo goodie! The first big award of the evening, best supporting actor, goes to Javier Bardem, who is looking much more dapper than he did with that pageboy haircut. And that part where he made his mama cry after saying something in Spanish? Gold.

9:13: We're going to take a second to point out that despite the fact Katherine Heigl seems like a real prima donna (our cube-mate Dalia says she wants to punch Heigl in the throat) she shore is purdy tonight. Well, maybe just her Grey's Anatomy character, Izzie Stevens, is who's annoying.

9:10: Wow, it's good to see Ally McBeal showed up with her dad.

9:07: Okay, Stewart's remark that during commercial breaks "mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you wear at home" makes the list. And if Transformers doesn't win visual effects, there is no god ... but since The Golden Compass wins, you're only proving that story's point. How else can talking polar bears beat giant robots?

8:54: Steve Carell just said s---, if you're playing FCC police. Or did he? Let's say he did, because it makes it all the more exciting.

8:48: ZOMG, they've already started the 80th anniversary stuff? We'll take this time to point out that Heidi Klum was scorching hot in all her regal redness. But what's with the pink jewelry?

8:43: Costume design is a tough category to watch. And go figure, the woman in charge of Elizabeth: The Golden Age won. That's what happens anytime you put a woman in a suit of armor. And the speech took about half a second! Our hopes are soaring.

8:39: Stewart Wow, a stripper joke, an Iraq War joke and an election joke in the space of three minutes? This might be a good night.

8:35: Jon Stewart helped live up to The Juice*'s predictions of numerous teen pregnancy references by saying he was glad the Academy finally shied away from the murderously bloody (and murderously depressing) best picture noms by giving a nod to Juno: "All I can say is, thank god for teen pregnancy."

8:25: The show hasn't started yet, but we have to say Regis Philbin is annoying us to death. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??

[Photos: AP]

Jeffrey Ross on the Dana Jacobson Incident

Jeffrey Ross isn’t one to mince words -- which made him an ideal choice to emcee ESPN’s roast of Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg on Jan. 11. But it wasn’t the veteran standup, comedy's "Roastmaster General," who made headlines afterward -- it was ESPN First Take host Dana Jacobson, who unleashed a drunken tirade against Notre Dame and coach Charlie Weis. Snapshots of Jacobson brandishing a bottle of vodka quickly made the rounds online, and she was suspended for a week by ESPN. Tbt* caught up with Ross, who’s performing at the Tampa Improv from Feb. 28-March 3, and asked for his take on the Jacobson incident. (For the full interview, pick up next Friday’s tbt*.)

Roasting was in the news recently, where Dana Jacobson got in trouble for getting hammered and screaming obscenities about Notre Dame at the Mike and Mike roast. You, in the articles that I saw, were cited as a guy who could have gotten away with it. She was suspended for a week. Fair or not fair?

Yeah, that was an interesting turn. Fair or not fair? I would say not fair. Because what happens at a roast stays at a roast, especially at a private, un-televised roast. And you can't send people onstage with a microphone and booze and not expect somebody to have too good a time.

To his credit, Charlie Weis was a great sport, and he seemed to be okay with it. I was exceptionally vicious on him. And he was laughing his boobs off. I mean, he’s a big man. I called him the Lunchback of Notre Dame. I said, "What happened, Charlie? It looked like you put on all your freshmen's 15." And he loved it, because I took the time to write good stuff about him.

Dana was sort of on a rant, and wasn't particularly interesting, wasn't funny, was arguably tragic. Eddie Griffin handed her a bottle of Grey Goose, and she was just drinking it right out of the bottle -- which, normally, at a roast, would be a lot of fun. You want a chick like that at a roast! She was our Courtney Love for the night. But unfortunately, she got punished, and I think it wasn’t necessarily fair. Probably appropriate, but not fair.

Is there a lesson that comes out of this?

Leave the roasting to the professionals. This is like driving a race car. This is not for amateurs.

Rate Katie Holmes' new hairstyle

Help us out, here, people. We can't quite place our finger on a good description for Katie Holmes' new hairstyle, which she whipped out at the First Annual Essence Black Women In Hollywood Luncheon on Thursday. Is it ...

(1) Diablo Cody meets Lily Tomlin?

(2) Amy Winehouse meets Sally Field?

(3) Norah Jones meets Dumb Donald from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids?

Or is it none of the above? How would you describe Kate's new look? Give us your best guess in the comments.

Also, bonus points to anyone with the guts to make this photo their new screensaver:

(Photos: Getty Images; handout photo for Tomlin/Fat Albert; AP for Norah Jones)

Aaron's (pot) party

Chalk another legal mishap up to one of Tampa Bay's Carter brothers. Aaron Carter -- Apollo Beach native, floppy-haired brother of Backstreet Boy Nick, prepubescent wooer of Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan and (reportedly) Brooke Hogan -- was busted for drug possession Thursday in Texas after cops nabbed him for speeding and allegedly finding marijuana in his car. Cater (shown above performing at Lithia Elementary in 2001 ... was he ever so young?) was to be arraigned Friday morning, according to E! Online. Kimble County sheriff Mike Chapman said officers found less than 2 ounces of pot in his car. Poor, poor Aaron -- when will you learn that not even drugs will make songs like "Stride (Jump on the Fizzy)" and "That's How I Beat Shaq" palatable? 

(Times file photo: Stephanie Boyar)

J.Lo has J.Twins

 

Say goodbye to that Honda parked beneath Jennifer Lopez's dress, because the "actor"-"singer"-"dancer" has finally given birth. People.com practically screamed the news from the rooftops at 2:10 a.m. EST, saying Lopez and Marc Anthony are now the proud parents of a 5-pound, 7-ounce girl born at 12:12 a.m. and a 6-pound boy born at 12:23 a.m. "Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon," said Lopez's manager Simon Fields. Congratulations, Anthopez!

(Photo: Getty Images) 

Sip your Juice* Sunday, place your bets now

We're taking the day off on Friday because we'll be kinda-sorta live-blogging the Jon Stewart-hosted ceremony live Sunday night. If, for some inexplicable reason, you’re actually surfing the Web while watching the Oscars, come check us out. Why you’d care what we think is anyone’s guess, but be sure to check in at some point to see us poke fun at any number of things. Here’s the latest line on your celebwatch (feel free to take over/unders):

• Number of “I drink your milkshake” jokes: 7

• References to teen pregnancy: 5

• References to celeb pregnancy: 12

• Times Keira Knightley jokingly called “fat”: 2

• Times Keira Knightley “uses the bathroom” during the show: 6

• Mentions of Javier Bardem’s three-way with Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson in the upcoming Vicky Christina Barcelona: 27

• Percentage of viewing audience who will wathc the film editing and sound editing awards just to see if The Bourne Ultimatum won something: 70

• Ensuing references to Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon: 2

• Number of Academy members who can coherently explian why The Diving Bell and the Butterfly isn’t up for best foreign language film or best picture: 0

• Times androgynous actress Tilda Swinton is mistaken for beautiful man: 3

• Times androgynous actress Tilda Swinton is mistaken for beautiful woman: 3

• Number of Tilda Swinton’s movies The Juice* has seen since 2000: 6 (this is true, not a wager)

• Fake accents adopted by presenters as tribute to Daniel Day-Lewis: 4

• Jokes Stewart makes to the writers strike being “no big deal”: 17

• Number of musical performances the home audience will sit through before getting bored and flipping through channels: 1/2

• Anti-depressants taken by the Academy while trying to decide between There Will Be Blood, Atonement and No Country For Old Men on the winner for best picture: 683

• Percentage of Academy voters who voted for Juno to win best picture: 5

• Percentage of Academy voters who secretly want Juno to win best picture: 85

• Percentage of Juice* staffers who want Juno to win best picture: 100

• Chances anybody will ever want to go to the movies again if they make a sequel to The Hottie and the Nottie: 1 in a million

• Chances they actually will make a sequel to The Hottie and the Nottie, despite the "film" only making about $25,000 on its opening weekend: 1 in 10

See you Sunday at 8 p.m., folks!

Is this part of Nicolas Cage's disputed tax bill?

In honor of Nic's troubles with the IRS, we present you with this old Japanese commercial of the actor shilling for a company that makes pachinko machines.

Never heard of pachinko? Imagine a cross between slot machines, pinball and those annoying puzzle games where you have to get a ball bearing into a divot in the middle of a maze. Then fill the room with cigarette smoke, cheap booze and shame.

Brangelina dine with Clint Eastwood and wife