Stephen Colbert gets bounce from Spider-Man

It's great to know as the nation crumbles around our ears, the folks at Marvel still have a sense of humor. Editor-in-chief Joe Quesada and Co. have focused issue No. 573 of The Amazing Spider-Man on Stephen Colbert's fictitious presidential campaign.

The story features Colbert distraught over his losing prospects, only to be picked up -- literally -- by the wall-crawler himself.

"In a universe where a guy can get super powers from a spider bite, then it makes complete logical sense that Stephen Colbert could be a viable candidate," writer Mark Waid told the New York Daily News. Actually, these days it looks like just about anyone with a few million dollars can give it a go.

Get all the truthiness you can handle on Oct. 15.

[Photo: Marvel]

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Sharon Stone tried to Botox her son's feet

While there's been a lot said about a court order barring Sharon Stone from moving her 8-year-old son Roan to L.A., TMZ has a court decision that shows the kid is quite obviously better off with dad Phil Bronstein. Why? Well, because Sharon wanted to Botox the kid's feet, for one.

Stating that Stone "appears to overreact to many medical issues involving Roan," the decision relates how Sharon believed he had a spinal condition when, in fact, there was none. But more alarmingly, the judge wrote she "suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child."

It's good to know the courts work once in awhile. In this instance, they declare that Bronstein "has championed for Roan's well-being out of, what appears to this Court, nothing less than the unconditional love for his son." That's bad news for Stone, who "did not involve herself to the extent she could or should have in this process ... Mother has attempted to put up roadblocks to Roan's getting help, or has decided against participating in his care."

So, we guess that means Roan's really not moving to L.A., huh?

[Photo: AP]

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Katy Perry gets high-schoolers suspended

At least two girls from the Van High School Twirl Team in Van Zandt County, Texas, were suspended after performing to Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl at a pep rally for the football team, the local NBC affiliate reports. Apparently saying you kissed a girl and liked it is a no-no in the rural county east of Dallas.

The twirlers now have to sit out for two football games, drawing the ire of the drum line, which has sworn it won't play at games if the students aren't reinstated. Whoa. Better get the detention hall ready for this one, since all the members of the band are wearing "no twirlers, no band" stickers in a show of solidarity.

The local principal and superintendent weren't available for comment, the network said. Because hard-hitting issues like lipstick-lesbian dance team members are just too sensitive to address. But that's okay -- eventually the nerdiest kid will crack, and the administration will have these lousy kids begging for mercy!

[Photo: AP]

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Merv Griffin's company is suing Ed McMahon

In today's old-guy update, a company founded by the late Merv Griffin (who died in 2007) has sued Ed McMahon for $100,000 in unpaid loans, the AP reports. Boy, we're glad Ed got all that mortgage business cleaned up.

The Griffin Group Inc. claims it loaned the money to McMahon in 2005. The company filed the suit on Thursday and states that none of the loan has been repaid, so they want their cash plush interest and attorney fees. McMahon's publicist didn't directly address the lawsuit, instead asking, "Anybody wanna buy a nice house in The Summit?"

Is this a joke? Did they really say that? has Ed's life become so much of a joke that all he can muster when threatened with a six-figure suit is a jocular reference to the trouble surrounding his overpriced L.A. home? You are correct, sir!

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Jesse Ventura is working on conspiracy show

Just when you thought it was safe to turn the TV back on, Jesse Ventura returns to melt your eyeballs with a new conspiracy theory series on truTV. Don't go into the light!

"Ventura will hunt down answers, plunging viewers into a world of secret meetings, midnight surveillance, shifty characters and dark forces," truTV said in a statement. So it's a documentary on his time as governor of Minnesota, then?

Production on a pilot that suspiciously has no title starts in November, the AP reports. A. Smith & Co. Productions, the brain trust that brought us Hell's Kitchen and Trading Spaces, is steering the ship. Right into a cultural iceberg -- although it can't be much worse than Cheaters.

[Photo: AP]

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America's Next Top Model: The Video Game

Juice*heads are well aware that America's Next Top Model is a bit of obsession around here, but would you believe there's a video game in the works? According to gadgeteria ShinyShiny.tv there is, anyway. We're sure Tyra Banks got her image plastered all over the thing.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to control one of 10 aspirants through all sorts of silly challenges, like "Make Up," "Fashion," Catwalk" and "Photoshoot." One model is dismissed after each challenge, just like on the show. But do they have the same sort of cattiness that keeps us coming back to the show week after week? That's the only reason we're watching anyway.

A press release from U.K. publisher Eidos posted on GamesIndustry.biz quotes product manager Grant Tasker as saying: "Year-on-year figures prove the audience shows no sign of waning, and this is why we feel the timing is perfect to publish an official game of the series for Nintendo DS."

Wow, no one told him about the 18 percent drop in ratings for this cycle, huh? But just think of all the boss fights, where you have to battle Nigel Barker's come-ons and J. Alexander's scorn-o-meter! Expect the unexpected on Nov. 7.

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Janet Jackson sick, ends up in the hospital

A rep for Janet Jackson says the singer is in the hospital. For what, exactly, is anyone's guess, though some sources are saying it's exhaustion.

A statement released by W&W Public relations says Jackson scratched a Montreal concert after she "got suddenly ill" during sound check, landing her in sick bay.

"Yesterday evening she was checked into the Royal Victoria Hospital and left a couple of hours later," hospital spokesperson Rebecca Burns told People.

Jackson hopes to reschedule the show, but Ticketmaster reports that Wednesday night's show in Boston might be off, too. Does this have anything to do with reports that boyfriend Jermaine Dupri vomited in her lap during his 36th birthday party last week? Because that would certainly make us sick, too.

[Photo: AP]

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Tuesday is "Beware of the Megalodon' day

Is this clip from 2002's Shark Attack 3: Megalodon old? Yes. Is it still hilariously awesome? Absolutely. 

ZOMG, Lindsay Lohan is so totally not gay

Did you think that when Lindsay Lohan confessed to being with Samantha Ronson for "a very long time" on Loveline a couple weeks ago, she was talking about being down with the Sapphic sisters? Oh, that's so totally not the case, you guys.

"There was no confession," LiLo publicist Leslie Sloane-Zelnick told TVGuide.com. The whole thing was just Linds admitting she and Sam have been pals forever. Gotcha. Moving right along to other breaking news. Next up: The government believes in the public schools system and there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Jennifer Lopez tries to make you smell better

Jennifer Lopez looks a little more plastic than usual while launching her new fragrance Deseo For Men at Macy’s in New York’s Herald Square on Monday. It’s like her face can’t move, as if she’s been taking in one too many Botox spritzers today. But that’s okay, since OMG U GUYZ she just finished running a freaking TRIATHLON! In case you hadn’t heard her say that a million times in the last couple weeks. And really, close your mouth -- flies might wander on in there, just like mom warned.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Pair charged in Shia LaBeouf car crash

Shia LaBeouf may have escaped charges in that July car crash, but two other people at the scene weren't so lucky. The L.A. County District Attorney's office said Monday it's filed one misdemeanor count apiece against the people in the other car, the AP reports.

Kimberly Bent, 21, told police she had been driving during the accident, but investigators suspect that Herbert Simon, 22, was the one behind the wheel. They've been charged with providing false information.

They should have just refused to submit to anything the police wanted, like Shia did when he refused to take a Breathalyzer test. Yeah, we know, not submitting to a sobriety tests isn't the same as refusing to answer a question like "Who was driving?" But hey, if not complying works for movie stars, it's a risk you should consider taking.

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Paul Newman, a banjo and a plastic Jesus

See, we told you we'd run some Cool Hand Luke.

Adnan Ghalib has a Britney Spears sex tape

Today's candidate for Most Deserving of Karmic Retribution, former Britney Spears leech Adnan Ghalib, told some magazine called Heat that he does indeed have a sex tape of him and the singer, who has been busy pulling herself from the last year's downward spiral.

"There is such a tape, but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries," he said. "Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further."

An anonymous source, who is probably just Adnan's cousin or something who watched it, tells the U.K.'s Sun that in the two-hour tape that Spears is naked, save that pink bob wig she took to wearing after she shaved her head. But don't let that stop you from thinking Ghalid isn't taking the high road.

"I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney," he swears. Because recording a drug-addled, emotionally vulnerable meal ticket having sex with some loser during a vacation in Mexico is about all the detail we need.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Travis Barker is released from the hospital, too

We know we just told you Travis Barker may be out of Doctors Hospital in Augusta, Ga., in two weeks (that's what Jermaine Dupri said, anyway), but good news, everyone! The drummer was released from the burn center on Monday, hot on the heels of DJ AM.

"Travis is in good condition and was discharged this morning," burn center spokesperson Beth Frits told People. "He has left Augusta."

The 32-year-old was admitted in critical condition after that awful plane crash two weekends ago. He spent nine days in the center. DJ AM left the center on Friday.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Let's spend 41 seconds with Paul Newman

Sorry to say, Paul Newman passed away this weekend. There's lots of stuff out there about him, but The Juice* will remember him with this screen test with James Dean for East of Eden. Well, and maybe a little Cool Hand Luke later on.

Baby Matilda gets dad Heath Ledger's estate; Insurance company refuses to pay $10 million

From the AP:

Heath Ledger's 2-year-old daughter Matilda Rose will inherit all of her father's estate, Ledger's father Kim said.

The Australian actor, who died from an accidental prescription drug overdose in January, signed a will before his daughter was born leaving everything to his parents and three sisters. Some had speculated his former partner Michelle Williams would lodge a claim for the money.

But Kim told Australia's Sunday Times that the family had given all the money to Matilda and that there had been no challenge from Williams.

"There is no claim," the newspaper quoted Kim Ledger. "Our family has gifted everything to Matilda."

The actor signed the will on April 12, 2003. It lists assets and cash of just $118,000, but the actor's estate is believed to be worth more than $16.3 million, the newspaper said.

Meanwhile, TMZ and the L.A. Times say ReliaStar Life Insurance Co. is refusing to pay a $10 million life insurance policy for Heath that was written just six months before his death. They apparently want their own investigation into the incident, since they don't buy the NYC medical examiner's ruling it was accidental. Because is it was a suicide, they won't have to pay, you see.

Matilda was the beneficiary of the policy, so a trustee for the 2-year-old has filed a suit against ReliaStar, saying it is acting in bad faith by not paying the claim. An investigation could take years, but we're willing to bet it would cost ReliaStar a whole lot less than actually doing what they were hired to do.

Adelaide accountant Mark Dyson, who is an executor of the estate, said he could not reveal how much Matilda would inherit, besides some well wishes from The Juice*.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Scarlett Johansson, Ryan Reynolds get married

That's right, boys, too bad for you, but Scarlett Johansson is officially off the market now, since she wed Ryan Reynolds on Saturday. Don't go asking us for details, because we're too busy taking down our ScarJo shrine to give them to you.

Actually, Us Weekly says the pair, who have been engaged since May 5, were married in a "remote wilderness resort outside Vancouver." What, like a log cabin? Somehow we doubt that's the case. On the guest list were ScarJo's mom, Melanie Sloan, and brother, Adrian Johansson.

"We're just enjoying our time," the actress said last month. "We're just recently - very recently - engaged. So, you know, we're just taking it easy. And no big plan yet. But it's a good time and we're just ... enjoying our time to be young and engaged.

"I mean, I'm 23. There's no reason to rush into it. Everything feels very natural and relaxed."

Yes, it took her almost five whole months to wed the 31-year-old Reynolds. That's very relaxed, don't you think?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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It's Music Monday:! Thievery Corporation's Beautiful Drug, featuring Jana Andevska

We've featured Thievery Corporation before, but the D.C. deejays have a new album, Radio Retaliation, highlighted by this number, Beautiful Drug, with lyrics sung by Jana Andevska. It's a nice, sleepy way to start the week, we think.

Heather Locklear arrested for DUI on highway

Heather Locklear was arrested on Saturday on suspicion of driving under the influence of ... something. The L.A. Times says that actress whas busted by the California Highway Patrol in Montecito for driving erratically, which in the case would include driving back and forth over a pair of sunglasses on the pavement and revving her engine, the paper says.

CHP spokesman Tom Marshall said Locklear was reported by a woman who saw the actress get into her car around 4:30 p.m. and precede to take things out on those shades. She then allegedly blocked a lan of traffic on a highway, got out of her car and stumbled into a lane on foot.

When the cop showed up, she was apparently disoriented and "under the influence of something." She tested negative for booze, So now we'll have to wait and see exactly what was in her system. We're placing our bets on too many anti-depressants, since she just turned 47 last week.

[Photo: AP]

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Kanye West won't face felony charges for LAX

In more celebrity court news, Kanye West won't face felony charges in an incident at LAX on Sept. 11 in which he smashed a photographer's camera on the ground. Again, it's great to get a reminder that celebrities are just like us, since we'd be locked up faster than you could say "bailjumper."

L.A. County District Attorney's spokeswoman Sandi Gibbons says prosecutors have sent the case to city attorneys, who will decide if the rapper will even get a misdemeanor charge, the AP reports. Don't expect any word on something like that until next week, though. Also don't expect Kanye's road manager to get equal treatment, since he's on tape doing the same thing, but you don't know his name.

Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno ruins Milan show

Forget about Borat, because Sacha Baron Cohen's character Bruno is on the prowl for footage to include in the upcoming Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Male, according to the U.K.'s Daily Mail (although some sources say the full title actually is Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner). The latest target? The Agata Luiz della Prada runway show in Milan.

On Friday, Cohen hit the stage, dressed in a black robe and various other rags and walking in front of the crowd before the house lights were killed and security grabbed him (watch the video below). This is after the comedian on Thursday managed to break through security and run through changing rooms for a show by designer label Iceberg, which the models didn't appreciate.

"He did not have any ID documents on him so someone was sent to his hotel when he got here to fetch his passport," a Milanese police source said of Friday's arrest, adding no charges were filed. "He was actually very funny and the first thing he said was 'Can I make a phone call' like they do on TV."

He's lucky all they did was grab him. They carry assault rifles at the airport over there, you know.

[Photo: AP]

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Miley Cyrus may have nodule, could lose voice

Forget quitting Hannah Montana -- if Star is right, Miley Cyrus may need to leave the show just to give her voice a break. The mag cites a source that says the teen singer has a nodule on her vocal cord.

"Her concerned parents took her to the doctor, who diagnosed the beginning stages of a nodule," says the source. A nodule, Star explains, is a "small, bump-like mound of tissue, also called a node, ... caused by continual straining of the voice and can lead to surgery if left untreated." How nice of them to explain it in such precise, textbook terms ... and to try to make us think she's in danger when all she needs is some hot tea and a day off.

Apparently the show, her recording schedule and a 70-date Best of Both Worlds tour would be the culprit for this. Her reps have denied the allegation, but the mag insists docs put her on three weeks' voice rest, which is music to our ears.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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DJ AM out of hospital, Travis Barker in 2 weeks

DJ AM was released from the Augusta, Ga., hospital where he and Travis Barker had been recuperating since last weekend's horrible plane crash, People reports.

"While he is deeply saddened by the events, he is thankful for all of the love and support he has been receiving from fans and friends worldwide," Adam Goldstein's reps said in a statement Friday. "We ask that you continue respect his privacy as he rests and heals and mourns the loss of his friends."

Barker, meanwhile, is expected to be released in about two weeks, his friend Jermaine Dupri told the mag.

"He's doing good, he's gonna be alright. He's just got a lot of healing to do," Dupri said. "... He's supposed to send a message out to everybody in a couple of days to let everybody know that he's feeling better. He's definitely feeling the love from everyone."

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Britney Spears' new single, 'Womanizer'

Britney Spears' new single, Womanizer, which is off her new album, Circus, has been "leaked" on the IntArWebs, with no less than about 1,100 YouTube clips and goodness knows how many fan sites devoted to it. Boy, glad they're keeping a lid on it after playing it on New York's Z100-FM on Friday morning.

Us says she shot a video for the song at Sushi & Robata Restaurant and Elevate Lounge in L.A. on Wednesday. Apparently the video shows Brit rolling around a kitchen counter wearing black leather pants and fake tattoos. In other words, a typical Wednesday.

The album, featuring stuff with Max Martin, Dr. Luke, Danja and Guy Sigsworth, hits the mainstream on Dec. 2. Listen to the clip above and wonder exactly who she's targeting in this song -- we're really hoping it's the media again, because boy, are we evil.

Shia LaBeouf won't be charged in car crash

Just to clear things up and get them on The Juice* record, we'd like to point out that Shia LaBeouf will not be charged with DUI for that July 27 car crash, but he may still have his license suspended because he refused a Breathalyzer test that would have determined whether he was drunk. Thanks for the tip, Shia!

"Shia is most happy that he will not have to go to court," his attorney, Michael Norris, said. the L.A. County district attorney found there was insufficient evidence to charge the actor, the AP reports. Not suprising, since even though LaBeouf showed signs of intoxication, he refused to be tested.

Next up is a hearing Friday to determine whether he'll lose that license. He's scheduled for a slot at the Cali DMV, so we'll update that when we find out what happens. That's right, nothing but the latest in hard-hitting journalism here at The Juice*!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Trailer trash: Tom Cruise's 'Valkyrie'

Here's the first trailer of Tom Cruise's new film, Valkyrie, which has been in the works for like eleventy billion years. What is with American filmmakers thinking every other foreign nation on Earth can be portrayed by guys with British accents? And why can't Tom Cruise affect one like everyone else? Wait, never mind.

Sharon Stone didn't really lose custody of son

Well lookee there -- it seems an Entertainment Tonight report that Sharon Stone lost custody of her son Roan to ex-husband Phil Bronstein was a bit of an embellishment. Fox News says the actress denies the report and says it was a misunderstanding about where the 8-year-old was going to go to school.

It seems Stone had requested permission to enroll Roan in someplace in L.A., where she lives, from Northern California, where Phil and the boy live. The court rejected the request, since Bronstein "can provide a more structured continuity, stable, secure and consistent home for the child." That much, we can believe.

It's here we have to condemn the media for rushing to judgment after misunderstanding a court minute order that really had little to do with the couple's joint custody agreement. Do they really think it's wise to make snap judgments on complex subjects and quickly publish what can be misleading analyses? Jeez, what do they think they are, The Juice*?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Busta Rhymes refused entry into Britain

Striking a blow for national security, immigration officials at London City Airport refused entry to Busta Rhymes, citing "unresolved convictions. Something about an old charge of exacting revenge against someone who stole his flow, blasting him "like Han Solo."

The tough thing is, he was coming to London to perform in a charity concert at Albert Hall on Friday, the AP reports. Instead, he was detained by authorities and threatened with deportation back to Amsterdam.

"He is currently detained, pending a decision on temporary admission by the immigration officer," promoter Orange RockCorps said in a statement. Meanwhile, Ludacris is slated to take his place, which may end up being the better concert anyway.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Lindsay Lohan off the wagon, cutting herself?

We honestly didn't think it was all that big news that Lindsay Lohan admitted she and Samantha Ronson had been together "a very long time" on Loveline the other day. And still don't. What is news to us, however, is that LiLo is apparently back on the red-eye to Coketown, according to Star.

"Lindsay's been drinking, doing cocaine and causing all-around mayhem for the past few months," a source tells Star. "She quit going to Alcoholics Anonymous and has absolutely never taken recovery seriously. She's gotten progressively worse, and everyone in her life is really scared."

Linds has been denying such allegations on her MySpace page, of course, and we don't really think any of this is 100 percent true. This is like when sitcoms start recycling storylines in the hopes the audience won't notice. But then, going from top billing in movies to guest shots on Ugly Betty and Project Runway is a pretty steep fall.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Real-life 'Bambi' so cute, pancreases may fail

This video of an actual Bambi and Thumper is making us sick to our stomachs, yet we can't ... stop ... watching ... And what's up with the stuff at the end?

Ed McMahon is a gangsta rapper in viral videos

Ed McMahon has found a new way to pay off his mortgage -- gangsta rap. The 85-year-old Tonight Show sidekick is taking a cue from Kevin Federline and starring in two viral rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com. The videos show him shows him dolled up in a tracksuit and living the high life, while rapping about his big-deal money problems and how he can solve them.

"I knew I could sing the blues, but I didn't know I could rap," McMahon said of the videos, which will show up online (and on The Juice*) in October.

"When I retired, I was famous," McMahon raps in the video. "I had money and glory/I bought a house for 6 mill/I thought nothing could touch me/Until my credit went south, and debt started to crunch me/Next thing I know, instead of playing gin rummy, I was scrambling just to make ends meet/It wasn't funny."

After being joined by two scantily clad women, McMahon continues: "Got a bump from the media chumps, but that was temporary/Wife with bad credit was scary, so I got wise/I may have fallen, but I got back up/Now I'm back on the attack, like a ninja swinging nunchucks/I told the haters, 'Go on, take a hike'/It's my show now, and I can do what I like."

We don't know whether we should be embarrased for Ed or in awe of him. The photo suggests the latter.

[Photo: AP]

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David Letterman rips into John McCain on show

Hell hath no fury like David Letterman scorned, as the Late Show host ripped into John McCain for canceling an appearance after saying he had to suspend his campaign to go back to his Fortress of Solitude in Washington. Dave wasn't inmpressed, and spent Wednesday night's show lambasting the GOP candidate for reneging on his commitments.

"This doesn't smell right," Letterman said. "This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody's putting something in his Metamucil."

McCain spokeswoman Nicole Wallace said Thursday that the campaign "felt this wasn't a night for comedy."

"We deeply regret offending Mr. Letterman, but our candidate's priority at this moment is to focus on this crisis," Wallace said on NBC's Today show.

Letterman called McCain "a true American hero" but told his viewers: "This is not the John McCain I know, by God. It makes me believe something is going haywire with the campaign."

Chief among his concerns is why Sarah Palin wasn't campaigning in McCain's stead, something Letterman says a vice president should be able to do.

"What's the problem? Where is she? Why isn't she doing that?" he asked, later adding, "Are we suspending it because there's an economic crisis or because the poll numbers are sliding?"

Making matters worse was the fact that McCain told Letterman he was "racing to the airport," when in fact he was being made up for an appearance on Katie Couric's CBS Evening News, which Letterman showed his audience.

"Doesn't seem to be racing to the airport, does he?" Letterman said. "This just gets uglier and uglier."

As McCain spoke to Couric, Letterman shouted at the feed: "Hey, John, I've got a question. Do you need a ride to the airport?"

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Leighton Meester talks about being born in jail

Star may have broken the story about Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester being born in jail because her mom was serving time for drug smuggling, but it was Us who got the 22-year-old to open up about it. Since it's our business, you know.

The mag says mom Connie was pregnant when she went to federal prison for helping smuggle 1,200-pound shipments of Mary Jane into the U.S. from Jamaica. Connie gave birth to Leighton when she was 29 and was released after serving 16 months.

"It makes me very nonjudgmental and open-minded," Leighton said of her, ahem, humble beginnings. "And I think it just makes me appreciate the things that I have now."

Like a good relationship with her mother, perhaps?

"She's always there for me no matter what," she says of Connie. "I swear, that woman knows everything."

Including the metric system and federal sentencing guidelines. How handy! But on a positive note, we're sure Leighton was positive her mom would be able to understand most any problem that may have arisen during her teen years.

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Tea Leoni gets therapy over David Duchovny

We already know David Duchovny is some kinda sicko sex addict and had to be locked away in rehab because he was a depraved sexual lunatic or some such, depending on what supermarket tabloid you believe, but what about Tea Leoni? Well, she needs so therapy, too.

Ever-chattering rag Star says Duchovny's wife of 11 years has been going to counseling since she discovered he's been cheating, even though other mags say he wasn't cheating. Whatever.

"Tea has been getting professional help to try to get past this crisis," a fried says. Another unnamed pal says she's "so sad and depressed. She's been in such a slump."

Wouldn't you be, too, if you looked like Tea Leoni and your freaky husband decided to act out his series Californication, about a sex addict, in real life?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Public Enemy a hero to most in hip-hop top 10

We have no idea what VH1 is thinking, since it has just released a list of the greatest 100 hip-hop songs ever, and Run-DMC's Christmas in Hollis isn't at the top. Public Enemy's Fight the Power is, however, so we can't argue with that (except to wonder where Can't Truss It and Miuzi Weighs a Ton is).

Sugar Hill Gang's Rapper's Delight, the Old Testament of rap songs, comes in at No. 2, followed by the unfortunate evolution of the genre in Dr. Dre's Nuthin' but a G Thang (with a young Snoop Dogg). The Adidas-loving crew from Queens did come in at No. 4 with Walk This Way, featuring Aerosmith. Rounding out the top five is Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five's The Message. Don't push us, 'cause we're close to the edge.

Speaking of which, Salt 'N Pepa's Push It cracked the top 10, but Jay-Z and Eminem didn't, leading us to think the entire list was picked by people who went to middle school in the 80s. And where's Kurtis Blow? Those are the breaks, we guess. Other acts on the list include the Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, Biz Markie, Black Sheep and J.J. Fad.

The list comes as VH1 prepares to honor the pioneers in rap once again as part of its annual Hip-Hop Honors show, the AP reports, which this year celebrates Slick Rick, De La Soul, Cypress Hill, Naughty by Nature and Too Short. That show airs Oct. 6, which still isn't enough time to figure out what in the world happened to Flavor Flav.

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Nicole Kidman says waterfall helped pregnancy

Nicole Kidman really should eat more, since she's obviously a bit light-headed. The Aussie actress actually said that swimming in waterfalls in the Outback boosted her fertility and helped her conceive daughter Sunday Rose, who was born in July. Gee, we thought Keith Urban had more to do with that than anything.

"I never thought that I would get pregnant and give birth to a child, but it happened on this movie," Kidman told Australian Women's Weekly in interview about her upcoming flick, Baz Luhrmann's Australia. She says she and six other women who went wading in the water got knocked up.

"Seven babies were conceived out of this film and only one was a boy. There is something up there in the Kununurra water because we all went swimming in the waterfalls, so we can call it the fertility waters now."

Not so kooky is her discussion about why her baby bump was so miniscule: "I'm so lucky I'm so tall, so I carried small and also, I have to say, I had a birth that I was blessed with, a labor that was very good and a baby that was very good to me in that regard."

That much we can believe. Kidman's like 7 feet tall, so it's akin to a giraffe having a baby. Except the giraffe's not as freckled.

[Photo: AP]

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Nick Hogan might be getting out of jail early

Hulk Hogan's son Nick (nee Bollea) is still serving his eight-month sentence for reckless driving in the accident that left John Graziano hospitalized and unresponsive. But now People says Nick is getting out three months early after being credited for working in the jail and being on good behavior. His release date is allegedly set for Oct. 21.

"They automatically get credits towards early release, and if they don't do anything bad while they're here, they get to use the credits," a jail official who didn't want to be ID'd told the mag.

None of this is a surprise to Graziano's lawyer, George Tragos: "It's standard procedure," he told People. "There is no way for us to impact his release date, that's not within our control. It's a formula worked out by the sheriff."

[Photo: AP]

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Clay Aiken announces he's gay on People cover

In the most shocking revelation since water was declared wet, Clay Aiken has announced he's gay -- on the cover of People no less. Because that's a delicate matter, and needs to be announced on the cover of a national magazine.

Aiken is holding his baby boy, Parker Foster Aiken, with the banner headline "Yes, I'm Gay." The American Idol contestant credits the child, whom he fathered via in-vitro fertilization with friend and producer Jaymes Foster, with forcing him to realize he couldn't hide his homosexuality any more. Um, Clay ... can we talk?

"It was the first decision I made as a father," Aiken told People, which heralds the announcement on newsstands Friday. "I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn't raised that way, and I'm not going to raise a child to do that."

Clay said he told his family the truth once about four years ago. He recounted how he and his mother were crying as she was dropping off Aiken's brother at a military base before he was shipped off to Iraq.

"It was dark. I was sitting there, thinking to myself. I don't know why I started thinking about it ... I just started bawling. She made me pull over the car and it just came out," he said. "She started crying. She was obviously somewhat stunned. But she was very supportive and very comforting."

Aiken said his mother "still struggles with things quite a bit, but she's come a long way."

Meanwhile, the rest of America has known since at least 2003, when Clay competed on Idol. When reached for comment, America said only, "Gee, what a surprise."

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Lynne Spears wants to know why Sarah Palin and Bristol are being treated differently

Lynne Spears may not be mother of the year, but she does want to know one thing: Why was she and her pregnant teenage daughter vilified for announcing Jamie Lynn was with child, but Sarah Palin and her daughter Bristol were cheered for the teen being knocked up? Two words, sweetie: Double. Standards.

"It's as if (Sarah Palin) became celebrated. I mean, the mother, Palin, was celebrated for this," Lynne told Newsweek. "Every woman in the world has applauded her strength and her convictions and poor little old Jamie Lynn, you saw how she was crucified -- everybody did, firsthand. I just feel like it's been a very hypocritical situation."

Of course, Bristol isn't the star of a TV show watched by millions of tweeners. But even though Lynne is miffed about the situation, she does point that she has no right to tell the Palins what's right and wrong.

"Everybody's situation is different," she said. "I would never tell anybody else what to do with their child. I would never attempt to make them think I knew more about their child. Even if they were to ask, I would tell them, 'dig deep, what do you think?' "

Hmm, allowing people to decide for themselves what's right for their own families instead of trying to force opinions on them? That's just crazy talk.

[Photo: Bristol and Levi Johnston. Getty Images]

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How Travis Barker and DJ AM survived crash

A member of the South Congaree (S.C.) Police Department said Travis Barker and DJ AM (a.k.a. Adam Goldstein) managed to escape the flames from this weekend plane wreck and put each other out before cops arrived, People reports.

"They told me that they slid down the wing on the right side of the plane," Lt. Josh Shumpert said. "They said they were on fire ... and that they tackled each other and put each other out."

Shumpert revealed that the pair were neither on fire nor naked when he arrived (though they both had taken off their shirts), contrary to previous reports: "When I got there they were on the side of the road," he said. "They were pacing and in shock."

Dr. Fred Mullins of the Joseph M. Still Burn Center at Doctors' Hospital in Augusta, Ga., said both men will likely make a full recovery, although coming back from such severe burns can take up to a year.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Sharon Stone loses physical custody of her son

Sharon Stone has lost physical custody of her 8-year-old son, Roan, to ex-husband Phil Bronstein, Entertainment Tonight reports. Maybe the judge didn't like her comments about how that Chinese earthquake was karmic retribution for taking over Tibet.

ET says it has obtained a court order from Sept. 12 that says Bronstein "shall have permanent sole physical custody of child. Court finds that Respondent (Stone) failed to meet her burden of proof and denies Respondent's (Stone's) request for modification of custody." The couple adopted Roan in 2001.

Bronstein and Stone had shared joint legal and physical custody of the child before, but Stone had previously requested to have the guidelines changed -- they required her to live closer to Phil in San Francisco. This probably isn't what she was hoping for, we'd think. Stone has two other adopted children -- Laird, 3, and Quinn, 5.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Jenna Jameson says she's pregnant with twins

Former porn queen Jenna Jameson confirmed on her MySpace blog Tuesday that she and Tito Ortiz are expecting not one but TWO little MMA fighters/corrupted youths.

"Yes everyone, I can officially confirm that Tito and I are expecting twins! I had my second ultrasound today and was greeted by two big healthy babies with pounding hearts," she wrote (posted sic). "I can't even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me. It has been my dream to have children for an exremely long time, and I truly feel like finally... the time is right and god has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive."

You know, there's lots we could say that would be hateful or rude or spiteful or mocking, but she seems so earnest we're going to drop that. We'll settle for waiting a couple years so we can see footage of what happens when these two folks show up at a parent-teacher conference. Besides, things will be fine as long as the kids don't watch too many of their home movies.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Hugh Hefner talks Kendra, Holly and Bridget and their futures on 'The Girls Next Door'

There have been a lot of rumors on the IntArWebs lately about the fate of The Girls Next Door, mostly because some people are saying that Kendra Wilkinson is on her way out of the house because Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt hate her, or that Holly is dating Criss Angel.

Well, Hugh Hefner decided to squash all that noise by telling E! things are fine, thanks. Well, as fine as an octogenarian shacking up with three blonde bombshells can be.

"The reality is the girls and I are all together," Hef said. "... Holly shares my bed on a nightly basis." (That whole "primary girlfriend" business is still on the odd side for us, since Hef has been married to Kimberly Conrad for 19 years, but separated for 10.) But what are the chances the quartet are going to stay together forever?

"Are there going to be changes in the relationships? I'm sure there are going to be," Hefner said. "I think that in the future, the girls are going to, in time, be dating others and moving out of the mansion, and when that happens we will not be keeping it a secret."

You know what also isn't a secret? That all these rumors are likely designed to get you to watch the fifth season premiere of The Girls Next Door, Oct. 5 on E!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Maybe Samantha Ronson doesn't like lesbians

Previously obscure DJ Samantha Ronson may be enjoying her newfound fame since shacking up with Lindsay Lohan, but the New York Post's Page Six says she's anything but charitable to her fellow lesbians.

"Deejay Stacy" Ledwith, the regular turntable mistress at Rubyfruit in New York's West Village, says management from the bar had tried to ask Sam for help with a benefit to save the bar, which was going to close after 15 years because of rising rents. She says owner Debra Fiero was given the cold shoulder by Ronson's agent, though.

"At first, her agent said it was $8,000 for the night plus airfare and hotel," Ledwith says, pointing out that kind of misses the point of a benefit. "Then, he was informed it was a gay and lesbian bar, we were told she doesn't do those kind of venues. She doesn't do gay and lesbian bars and clubs. I thought it was kind of strange considering she's a lesbian. ... It's really like betraying her sisters."

Ronson's spokesman, Brandon Phelps, says the story is untrue, since he's the only one who handles her calendar and wasn't approached for a gig. Of course, with her meteoric rise to near-noticeability, it's possible Sam has another agent somewhere to handle her huge volume of two or three phone calls per day.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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If celebrities were from the Midwest ...

JeremyEnke.com, a blog about junk and stuff, has posted a bunch of photos illustrating what celebrities would look like if they came from the Midwest, positing that people there are doughy, generic and generally unpleasant-looking. Since I hail from the Midwest, I can appreciate the humor in this, since it's kinda true, which is depressing.

Anyway, check out Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and their friends by clicking here.

Thanks, AG.