Stephen Colbert gets bounce from Spider-Man

It's great to know as the nation crumbles around our ears, the folks at Marvel still have a sense of humor. Editor-in-chief Joe Quesada and Co. have focused issue No. 573 of The Amazing Spider-Man on Stephen Colbert's fictitious presidential campaign.

The story features Colbert distraught over his losing prospects, only to be picked up -- literally -- by the wall-crawler himself.

"In a universe where a guy can get super powers from a spider bite, then it makes complete logical sense that Stephen Colbert could be a viable candidate," writer Mark Waid told the New York Daily News. Actually, these days it looks like just about anyone with a few million dollars can give it a go.

Get all the truthiness you can handle on Oct. 15.

[Photo: Marvel]

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Sharon Stone tried to Botox her son's feet

While there's been a lot said about a court order barring Sharon Stone from moving her 8-year-old son Roan to L.A., TMZ has a court decision that shows the kid is quite obviously better off with dad Phil Bronstein. Why? Well, because Sharon wanted to Botox the kid's feet, for one.

Stating that Stone "appears to overreact to many medical issues involving Roan," the decision relates how Sharon believed he had a spinal condition when, in fact, there was none. But more alarmingly, the judge wrote she "suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child."

It's good to know the courts work once in awhile. In this instance, they declare that Bronstein "has championed for Roan's well-being out of, what appears to this Court, nothing less than the unconditional love for his son." That's bad news for Stone, who "did not involve herself to the extent she could or should have in this process ... Mother has attempted to put up roadblocks to Roan's getting help, or has decided against participating in his care."

So, we guess that means Roan's really not moving to L.A., huh?

[Photo: AP]

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Katy Perry gets high-schoolers suspended

At least two girls from the Van High School Twirl Team in Van Zandt County, Texas, were suspended after performing to Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl at a pep rally for the football team, the local NBC affiliate reports. Apparently saying you kissed a girl and liked it is a no-no in the rural county east of Dallas.

The twirlers now have to sit out for two football games, drawing the ire of the drum line, which has sworn it won't play at games if the students aren't reinstated. Whoa. Better get the detention hall ready for this one, since all the members of the band are wearing "no twirlers, no band" stickers in a show of solidarity.

The local principal and superintendent weren't available for comment, the network said. Because hard-hitting issues like lipstick-lesbian dance team members are just too sensitive to address. But that's okay -- eventually the nerdiest kid will crack, and the administration will have these lousy kids begging for mercy!

[Photo: AP]

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Merv Griffin's company is suing Ed McMahon

In today's old-guy update, a company founded by the late Merv Griffin (who died in 2007) has sued Ed McMahon for $100,000 in unpaid loans, the AP reports. Boy, we're glad Ed got all that mortgage business cleaned up.

The Griffin Group Inc. claims it loaned the money to McMahon in 2005. The company filed the suit on Thursday and states that none of the loan has been repaid, so they want their cash plush interest and attorney fees. McMahon's publicist didn't directly address the lawsuit, instead asking, "Anybody wanna buy a nice house in The Summit?"

Is this a joke? Did they really say that? has Ed's life become so much of a joke that all he can muster when threatened with a six-figure suit is a jocular reference to the trouble surrounding his overpriced L.A. home? You are correct, sir!

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Jesse Ventura is working on conspiracy show

Just when you thought it was safe to turn the TV back on, Jesse Ventura returns to melt your eyeballs with a new conspiracy theory series on truTV. Don't go into the light!

"Ventura will hunt down answers, plunging viewers into a world of secret meetings, midnight surveillance, shifty characters and dark forces," truTV said in a statement. So it's a documentary on his time as governor of Minnesota, then?

Production on a pilot that suspiciously has no title starts in November, the AP reports. A. Smith & Co. Productions, the brain trust that brought us Hell's Kitchen and Trading Spaces, is steering the ship. Right into a cultural iceberg -- although it can't be much worse than Cheaters.

[Photo: AP]

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America's Next Top Model: The Video Game

Juice*heads are well aware that America's Next Top Model is a bit of obsession around here, but would you believe there's a video game in the works? According to gadgeteria ShinyShiny.tv there is, anyway. We're sure Tyra Banks got her image plastered all over the thing.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to control one of 10 aspirants through all sorts of silly challenges, like "Make Up," "Fashion," Catwalk" and "Photoshoot." One model is dismissed after each challenge, just like on the show. But do they have the same sort of cattiness that keeps us coming back to the show week after week? That's the only reason we're watching anyway.

A press release from U.K. publisher Eidos posted on GamesIndustry.biz quotes product manager Grant Tasker as saying: "Year-on-year figures prove the audience shows no sign of waning, and this is why we feel the timing is perfect to publish an official game of the series for Nintendo DS."

Wow, no one told him about the 18 percent drop in ratings for this cycle, huh? But just think of all the boss fights, where you have to battle Nigel Barker's come-ons and J. Alexander's scorn-o-meter! Expect the unexpected on Nov. 7.

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Janet Jackson sick, ends up in the hospital

A rep for Janet Jackson says the singer is in the hospital. For what, exactly, is anyone's guess, though some sources are saying it's exhaustion.

A statement released by W&W Public relations says Jackson scratched a Montreal concert after she "got suddenly ill" during sound check, landing her in sick bay.

"Yesterday evening she was checked into the Royal Victoria Hospital and left a couple of hours later," hospital spokesperson Rebecca Burns told People.

Jackson hopes to reschedule the show, but Ticketmaster reports that Wednesday night's show in Boston might be off, too. Does this have anything to do with reports that boyfriend Jermaine Dupri vomited in her lap during his 36th birthday party last week? Because that would certainly make us sick, too.

[Photo: AP]

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Tuesday is "Beware of the Megalodon' day

Is this clip from 2002's Shark Attack 3: Megalodon old? Yes. Is it still hilariously awesome? Absolutely. 

ZOMG, Lindsay Lohan is so totally not gay

Did you think that when Lindsay Lohan confessed to being with Samantha Ronson for "a very long time" on Loveline a couple weeks ago, she was talking about being down with the Sapphic sisters? Oh, that's so totally not the case, you guys.

"There was no confession," LiLo publicist Leslie Sloane-Zelnick told TVGuide.com. The whole thing was just Linds admitting she and Sam have been pals forever. Gotcha. Moving right along to other breaking news. Next up: The government believes in the public schools system and there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Jennifer Lopez tries to make you smell better

Jennifer Lopez looks a little more plastic than usual while launching her new fragrance Deseo For Men at Macy’s in New York’s Herald Square on Monday. It’s like her face can’t move, as if she’s been taking in one too many Botox spritzers today. But that’s okay, since OMG U GUYZ she just finished running a freaking TRIATHLON! In case you hadn’t heard her say that a million times in the last couple weeks. And really, close your mouth -- flies might wander on in there, just like mom warned.

[Photo: Getty Images]